El Scorcho

Babysitting B's children…

"So what do you kids want to do?"

A: Watch YouTube videos of Swedes playing a Minecraft mod.

"Uncle Jon, I'm thirsty!"

[opens refrigerator]

Chocolate hemp milk?

I saw this while picking up kidney stone medication:


I know it's for incontinent people, but I kinda want one. No more worrying about needing to pee during a film screening, or finding a restroom on the road.

I don't understand how people can store their wallet in a back pocket. How is that comfortable when sitting down? It's like an ass tumour. Easy to snatch too.

David: That's your wallet?! It's like an inch-and-a-half thick.

Jon: Driver license, two credits cards, a debit/ATM card, auto insurance, health insurance, Social Security card…
Jon: This pocket is all supermarket and drugstore rewards cards.
Jon: 10 different library cards.
Jon: Oh. Forklift operator certification card. Forgot about this.

David: You don't need to carry around like three-fourths of this stuff.
Jon: I know, but I want to be prepared for any situation.
Jon: Swiss Army wallet.


  1. RIley 28 Jun 13 at 08:55

    do they make one for butts

    1. Jon 28 Jun 13 at 12:38

      Yes. They're called diapers, bro.


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