7. Lucas Hood vs. The Albino (Banshee, S01E06)
- Operation Snatch Joyce (The Americans, S01E03)
- Here Is a Man Who Is in a Relationship With 15 Inflatable Animals (My Strange Addiction, S04E01)
- Mine Camp (Newsreaders, S01E05)
- Djesus Uncrossed (Saturday Night Live, S38E14)
- "No one says 'I from you.'" (Bob's Burgers, S03E13)
"Who would be serious about these things?"
"Bill Belichick, Peter Frampton…" (Bob's Burgers, S03E13)
- "Clean up, aisle my panties!" (Bob's Burgers, S03E13)
- "I also ran over Vinny Testaverde's wife." (Bob's Burgers, S03E13)
- Lena Dunham vs. Paz de la Huerta in a nude-off (Girls, S02E05)
"City pools are filled with city kids, and by 'city kids,' I mean 'black kids' – who swim. Little stereotype breakers, like those two kids who ripped your bathing suit last year."
"They were turning it into a bikini."
"If they'll do that when you're just running through the sprinklers at your own house, think what they'll do when they have a large body of water at their disposal. Savage little Cosby kids will drown your ass." (Shameless, S03E04)
- "If ignorance is bliss, then Down syndrome's gotta be euphoria." (Shameless, S03E04)
- "Never receiving, always destroying." (Shameless, S03E04)
- "If God didn't want us putting things up our ass, he would've given the rectum a gag reflex." (Shameless, S03E04)
- Here comes a new character: Half-brother raised as a girl (Shameless, S03E04)
- "It's okay to be ghost. It has its pleasures. You're light. You float. You slip in and out unseen. There's no love to lose. Or burden to be. You have so little to hold you down. You are free. Some pearls are never found. They hide under the sand on the ocean floor. No one knows they're there. But the pearl knows. Maybe there was a time he wanted to be found. To be seen. And to be held. But now only hope hurts. I am my own secret. A secret kept by me." (Enlightened, S02E05)
- "Something has changed. Now the ghost is scared. He cannot float. He's heavy. He's flesh and blood. He must open doors. He can't slip away unseen. The ghost is sad. All those years invisible haunt him now. Why didn't he try? Or care? Or be? The ghost is happy. He is found. He is held. And he is seen. The ghost is seen." [Joanna Newsom – "Esme"] (Enlightened, S02E05)
- Her computer is cool (Black Mirror, S02E01)
Antonio Cesaro ragdolls Miz (WWE Raw, 02-11-13)
Eric F. and Kris' amazing giant (Face Off, S04E05)
- "Rapes-with-a-Smile." (Justified, S04E06)
- "You're a criminal. How you get blood stains out of upholstery?" (Justified, S04E06)
- Michael Voltaggio (Suburgatory, S02E12)
"For your 15th course, we present a pork belly and veal tongue hash finished with shards of microbeak in a freshly lambed foam."
"Lambed? That's a verb? Lambed? To lamb? Who lambed it?"
"I did. I lambed it this morning."
"It was an honour to watch you lamb it." (Suburgatory, S02E12)
- "We call that the 'German House Music' right there." (Workaholics, S03E15)
- "Chris Broussard is what Nick Kroll's interpretation of an ESPN reporter would be."
- Ring girl (Community, S04E02)
- "Why does he have so many collars? [gasp] Secret dogs!" (Community, S04E02)
"First, we do the written exam, and then we do the personality evaluation, which I feel like I'm gonna nail, 'cause people always say, 'Buttttt he's got a great personality.' Okay, quiz me."
"Okay, what does it mean when an officer calls in a 3542?"
"Assault and battery. The way I remember that, I picture 35 a-salt shakers and 42 batteries."
"Great. What is the criminal code for arson?"
"Arson is 533. You know how I remember that? I picture 533 salt shakers and batteries lighting a building on fire." (Parks and Recreation, S05E13)
- "This is a nightmare! Wait, maybe this is a nightmare. [pause] Nope. Can't fly away. This is real life." (Parks and Recreation, S05E13)
- "Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless." (Parks and Recreation, S05E13)
- "This was bad – Fort Wayne bad." (Parks and Recreation, S05E13)
- "We got Trent Edwards on the line." (The Office, S09E16)
- Hannah Horvath vs. Andy Bernard in an unendearing-off (The Office, S09E16)
- "Coming this May: The Office: An American Workplace." (The Office, S09E16)
- "We are endgame." (Glee, S04E14)
- Rachel was impregnated by a gigolo (Glee, S04E14)
"What happened to your idiot voice mail?"
"Oh. I'm doing this new thing where now it just rings." (Archer, S04E05)
- "Suxy Sux." (Portlandia, S03E09)