Jon: Who holds a graduation ceremony at 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday?
Mom: Your brother's uni, and you will wake your ass up for it.
Mom: Where can I buy an air horn?
Jon: 120 times 12 is…1440 names. Oof.
Jon: At least I can get up and walk around. The poor faculty members on stage… I wonder if any of them has ever shat him or herself during an undergraduate commencement, like a marathon runner. A gown conceals poop well.
Jon: Wait, Winston triple-majored?
Dad: Yup. Compensating for you, Jon.