No Melamine

Jon: The woman to my right ordered a Caesar salad with Ranch instead of Caesar dressing.
Chet: So?
Jon: Togo's' Caesar salad is already inauthentic, and without Caesar dressing, it's just…lettuce and croutons.
Chet: Well, Ranch salad is not a menu item.
Jon: I'm surprised seared ahi tuna isn't one.

Subway Promotion Idea: Hot Sub Time Machine. For a limited time, try any foot-long Subway Melt for just $2.55 (≈$5.00 in 1986).

Pizza Hut's current promotion is "Any Pizza, Any Size, Any Crust, Any Toppings" for $10. Who would order any size other than large?

Applebee's new slogan is "There's no place like the neighbourhood."
1. Yes, there is – Chili's.
2. What a clunky slogan. What was wrong with "Eatin' good in the neighbourhood?"

—the neighbourhood is where the heart clogs


Poutine Cupcake

I dreamt that I bit into a cupcake and realized too late that it was attached to the hook of a giant fishing rod.


An Analysis of Cookies baked & crafted to Represent Various Lady Gaga Costumes.
Add the filling from a Taco Bell 1/2-Pound Combo Burrito…
When you open iPoo on your iPhone, you're instantly connected with other users who are also taking a dump.

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