Five musical artists who may be "influential," but aren't "any good"

1. Bob Marley
Bob Marley is more of a philosophy than a talent. Any uni student with a guitar could've composed his hit songs.

2. Jane's Addiction
Movie idea: Stranger Than Addiction. One day, a guy begins hearing Jane's Addiction's oeuvre in his head with no end in sound. The next day, he jumps in front of a moving bus.

"James Addiction" would be a good stage name.

3. Nirvana
The best thing Kurt Cobain ever wrote was his suicide note.

I resent how "Smells Like Teen Spirit" (gag!) is the go-to "greatest song of the 90s" when it's clearly "Say It Ain't So."

4. Public Enemy
Microwave popcorn, read James Baldwin aloud and squeeze a rubber ducky periodically. Congratulations, you're Public Enemy!

5. The Ramones
A one-trick wonder — M. Night Ramolan. At least their songs are (mercifully) short.

7 Comments

  1. John Barleycorn 15 Jul 08 at 09:23

    Fuck "Say It Ain't So." But I agree, mostly. I'd replace Nirvana with Pearl Jam. After all, the 1990 – 2000 were soaked with singer emulating Eddie Vedder's obnoxious warble.

    Reply
  2. lozo 15 Jul 08 at 09:59

    Jane's Addiction is influential?

    Reply
  3. Gustavo 15 Jul 08 at 11:06

    You know what else sucks? The guitar. And throw in the piano while you're at it. Influential, sure. But have you ever heard them live? They sound like a dead dog farting on your face. I only listen to Victrola recordings of rocks being thrown at stumps. (Pitchfork called it "an electric miasmata of naptha ennui" and gave it an 8.6.)

    Reply
  4. vladmir 15 Jul 08 at 13:11

    everyone tries to tell me how great pearl jam is and i gave them an honest try to like them. i only like two songs by pearl jam and they are on the album yield. everything else makes me want veer into the car driving next to me. i can't stand eddie vedder. i love when people say they love reggae and then can only name people with the last names marley as people they listen to. pearl jam deserved to be on that list.

    Reply
  5. Cangrejero 15 Jul 08 at 14:52

    Fine, I'll say it. Frank motherfucking Zappa. Talented, sure, but I can't stand listening to any of his 800,000 albums.

    Reply
  6. Jon 16 Jul 08 at 04:12

    I considered including Pearl Jam, but I like the band's song on the Big Fish soundtrack and its cover of "Last Kiss."

    I don't like any Nirvana songs.

    Reply

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