Goat Punishment

Just my luck. The Warped Tour played three stops in southern California, and I chose to attend what was billed as the largest Warped show ever. Apparently, the promoters thought it would be cool to pack 30,000 people into the tiny parking lot area surrounding the Los Angeles Sports Arena for eight-and-a-half hours. Whoo! No matter. A good time was to be had by all, especially those who forgot to wear sunscreen. I actually sunburned my entire head. Damn you, short hair! As a write this, my fat head bathes in aloe. Now I know why riots broke out at Woodstock '99.

Notes on the Warped Tour:

If you see only one band this year, see the Ataris.

However, if you see two bands this year, see the Juliana Theory too. Martin told me that he really liked this band, so I took his words and skipped Rancid's set to catch these boys. Wowee! Rock is so not dead.

New Found Glory is the next Blink-182. When did they become so TRL? God only knows what's gonna happen when the Warped Tour hits Somerset, WI on the 14th with NFG, burgeoning TRL-sters Sum 41, AND Blink-182 on the line-up.

The main concourse attraction this year was something called "Incredibly Strange Wrestling" and boy, it was incredibly strange. I dropped in and out during the day and was incredibly weirded out by the wrestling antics of Mextacy (a Mexican raver), a mock skinhead, Spanish clowns, guys in sasquatch and hot dog costumes, and 69 Degrees, a scientologist pop music duo. Like I said, incredibly strange.

People don't applaud anymore. The new way of showing appreciation to a band is to salute them with devil horn hands. What I found extremely amusing were the "brave" souls who saluted bands they hated with the finger amidst a sea of devil horns. They remind me of people who clap after a movie, like the actors can hear it.

Segue into fingerbang fingerboard bit.

Have you seen these fingerboard things? They're little toy skateboards that you manipulate with your fingers. It's like skateboarding…with your fingers! They even make little toy courses for you to, um, fingerboard on. [pause to roll eyes] How is this fun? What makes fingerboarding more entertaining than say, twirling a pen? Maybe it's just me. I can't bring myself to play with miniature objects. That's why I don't masturbate.

The new Levi's commercial with the singing belly buttons is fucked up! What's next? Dancing camel toes?

In other news, I saw the movies Pootie Tang and A.I.

The world according to Rory Brown: "People always say that the Kids In The Hall are really funny, but their television show is, well, not very funny." I think Chris Rock also suffers from this funny / not funny syndrome. He's a funny guy, just not when he makes movies. A funny Chris Rock movie is as rare as a funny Robin Williams movie. Down To Earth was lame, and Pootie Tang is more of the same lameness, only incoherent.

Funny enough (no pun intended), the voices of Rock and Williams both pop up in A.I. – Steven Spielberg's attempt at channeling Stanley Kubrick. Put bluntly, fans of Kubrick will be disappointed by this movie and fans of Spielberg will be disappointed as well. All of which is kinda sad, because this movie features so many interesting elements. If only Spielberg could have pieced it together better, sans the Hollywood optimism characteristic of his previous collective works.

Obituaries:
Carroll O'Connor 1924-2001
John Lee Hooker 1920-2001
Jack Lemmon 1925-2001
Chet Atkins 1924-2001
Joe Henderson 1937-2001
Noise Addict (internet radio branch) 2001-2001

Link-o-rama:
go • american mini-trotters
go • cooking with high voltage
go • diary of a fat slut
go • gay-o-meter
go • last week's prostitution arrest photos
go • sluts of the lilith fair
go • true blue roo poo company
go • untitled shockwave file
go • what's a butt mint?
go • x-wipes

Which of the following is the greatest artificially intelligent creation?
(out of 145 votes)
Haley Joel Osment • 0 votes • 0%
the cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000 • 94 votes • 65%
HAL 9000 • 0 votes • 0%
Knight Rider • 18 votes • 12%
R2D2 • 8 votes • 6%
Robocop • 0 votes • 0%
Sony Aibo • 0 votes • 0%
the Terminator • 1 vote • 1%
ticketmaster.com • 21 votes • 14%
Vicki from Small Wonder • 3 votes • 2%
The cast of MST3K over fuckin' ticketmaster-bater? Bah.

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