Al Gore acquitted of all charges of Presidential victory
Breaking news: the earth is round
George W. Bush executes decision
Texas Governor decides to "preserve."
Bush: "It's what you do when you run for President. You gotta preserve."
Breaking news: Mandy Moore has an opinion
Joe Lieberman takes a vacation
"Don't look at me. I'm not the one without a job."
Breaking news: there is no breaking news
President visits Hanoi, addresses Vietnamese
"I've seen the horror. Horrors that you've seen. Just kidding! He he he. I kinda, well, dodged the draft. You know what I have seen though – Hillary's vagina. The horror, the horror."
Speaking of Hillary's vagina…
Election things that sound dirty but really aren't:
too close to call
Breaking news: Hillary breaks silence, hip
"My vagina is not dirty. It's just dusty."
Tom Green hosts Saturday Night Live
Canadian comedian fulfills lifelong dream of hosting popular television show of unfunny sketches
Correction: he's already done that
Bush prematurely celebrates victory with a six-pack of beer and a joyride in Kennebunkport, Maine
CNN regrets jumping the gun in election coverage
"We've made mistakes in our life, but we're proud to tell you we've learned from those mistakes."
Florida state citizens even stupider than Florida State students
19,000 ballots disqualified after hundreds of residents mistakenly voted for Elián Gonzalez while trying to cast their ballot for Democrat Al Gore
Jeff Probst brought in to tally the votes in Palm Beach County
Oregon to Florida: "Florida, Florida, Florida. Who do you think you are trying to steal our title of 'Most Retarded Population'?"
Green party wins 5 percent of green party vote
Janet Reno's sexuality too close to call
Other things Al Gore plans to fight:
the spread of genital herpes
for his right to paaaaarty
the urge to masturbate in public
Pat Buchanan wins Election
Reform party candidate pleased to own copy of critically-acclaimed 1999 movie
Rick Lazio blames loss to Hillary on the workings of a vast right-wing conspiracy
Socialist party loses as planned
Walter Mondale to fight election result in Minnesota
"I don't think I won that state either."