BARD – verb.
Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
USAGE: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH – noun.
A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
USAGE: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS – noun.
A calendar division.
USAGE: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and I ain't herd from him in munts."
IGNERT – adjective.
Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
USAGE: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH – noun.
USAGE: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL – noun.
A petroleum-based lubricant.
USAGE: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR – noun.
USAGE: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS – noun.
USAGE: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you."
TAR – noun.
A rubber wheel.
USAGE: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE – noun.
A tall monument.
USAGE: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
HOT – noun.
A blood-pumping organ.
HOD – adjective.
USAGE: "A broken hot is hod to fix."
RETARD – verb.
To stop working.
USAGE: "My granpaw retard at age 65."
TARRED – adjective.
USAGE: "I just flew in from Hotlanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
RATS – noun.
Entitled power or privilege.
USAGE: "We Southerners are willing to fight for our rats."
LOT – adjective.
USAGE: "I dream of Jeannie in the lot-brown hair."
FARN – adjective.
USAGE: "I cudn't unnerstand a wurd he sed…must be from some farn country."
DID – adjective.
USAGE: "He's did, Jim."
EAR – noun.
A colorless, odorless gas.
USAGE: "He can't breathe…give 'em some ear!"
BOB WAR – noun.
A sharp, twisted cable.
USAGE: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JU-HERE – question.
USAGE: "Ju-here that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"
HAZE – contraction: pronoun and verb.
USAGE: "Is Bubba smart?"
SEED – verb, past tense.
VIEW – contraction: verb and pronoun.
USAGE: "I ain't never seed New York City…view?"
HEAVY DEW – phrase.
A request for action.
USAGE: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
GUMMIT – noun.
An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
USAGE: "Great…another gummit shutdown!"
written by C.J. Anderson and Bryan Keefer and originally published in the Mountain View High School Oracle as "Sucks To Your Ass Mar"