Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


46. Lance Reddick! (The Eric Andre Show, S02E07)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I want a magic vibrating club just like any other boy!" (Bob's Burgers, S04E04)
  • "I'm one semester away from graduating."
    "Oh Pud, there are no jobs out there." (Bob's Burgers, S04E04)
  • "Here's a magazine about jugs. Their secret is they love pottery?" (Bob's Burgers, S04E04)
  • "You'll never get a better family dentist who's in your provider network!" (Bob's Burgers, S04E04)
  • "I will cut him from nave to chops."
    "You'll find the meat tough, doctor." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E10)
  • "A real man knows there's only one direction to face, and that's fucking forward." (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
  • "April's different. She's a white person." (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
  • "You can fucking catch me dead before I goddamn go caroling, all right? That shit's for Christians and retards."
    "You've got lonely eyes, Kenny. I can see it."
    [scoffs] "Not lonely. Just went on a fucking coke binge last night. I'm tired." (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
  • "Y'all are gonna sit here and cry about a wolf when I got Nobu catering this shit?" (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
  • "Why are the kids wearing veils?" (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
  • "My dick is a little bitch!" (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
  • "Fame, fortune, power, titties – people say these are the most crucial things in life." (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
  • "It wasn't as small as we were expecting."
    "You wanted Anne Frank's place to be smaller?"
    "In the book, she says how cramped it is. But it's actually quite spacious." (Hello Ladies, S01E07)


(China, IL, S02E08)

  • "It's apocryphal what this man is telling these children." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E07)
  • "I look like Arsenio." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E08)


(Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E08)

  • "I thought I could handle my brown." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E08)
  • "Guess who got a trainer? I'm gonna look like Barry Bonds." (New Girl, S03E08)
  • "It's easy as peanuts? That's not an expression."
    "Peanuts is an acronym. PEANUTS stands for: Physical Education Activity Nuts." (New Girl, S03E07)
  • "What's up, Jason Street?" (New Girl, S03E08)
  • "It says 'no MSG' on the menu. It also says it with the… What do you call the circle with the diagonal line?"
    "It's the Ghostbusters thing."
    "It says it with words, and it says it with the Ghostbusters thing." (New Girl, S03E08)
  • "Chinese food menage." (New Girl, S03E08)
  • "Ironside!" (New Girl, S03E08)
  • "Thomas and Abel will not be raised by you. What you do now will determine how we deliver that message. 'Mommy moved away' or 'mommy passed away'?" (Sons of Anarchy, S06E10)
  • "You think I did that? I look like the Taliban to you?" (American Horror Story, S03E06)
  • "When I plant a fat ass cracker bitch, I expect her to stay planted." (American Horror Story, S03E06)
  • "That's how Xbox people are." (South Park, S17E07)
  • "Let these Sony fucks wallow in their limited voice control functionality." (South Park, S17E07)
  • "Sony people don't think with logic." (South Park, S17E07)
  • "You know what you get for pre-ordering a game? A big dick in your mouth." (South Park, S17E07)
  • "Moist is the classy wet." (The League, S05E11)
  • "Get this. I just asked the DJ what R.E.M. albums he has. He's got Monster, but not Automatic for the People."
    "Wow."
    "I know! It's like, what is this, a mid-'90s party? No, it's an early '90s party." (Parks and Recreation, S06E06)
  • "You said you were like Chuck Norris."
    "I am, but I'm like Chuck Norris now." (Parks and Recreation, S06E06)


(Parks and Recreation, S06E06)

  • "No matter what happens, you will never acquire my thinking PJs, or my YouTube blazer." (Parks and Recreation, S06E07)
  • "Our ratings are lower than the final episode of M*A*S*H." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E15)
  • "You [Jim Gaffigan] have a very famous joke about crepes. I was wondering do you have any future jokes about other handheld foods?" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E15)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

45. Clay's sermon (Sons of Anarchy, S06E09)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Why would you headbutt me?"
    "I was gonna punch you, but I'm holding wine." (Bob's Burgers, S04E03)
  • "I am relaxed." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E09)
  • "Nobody messes with me, nobody messes with you, and nobody messes with Maria's titties." (Eastbound and Down, S04E06)
  • "He never came inside that woman. After a few pumps, he withdrew his penis, and he started smashing it between the ring and the lid of the toilet for penance." (Eastbound and Down, S04E06)
  • "God-damn woman! Throwing fuckin' mustard at me." (Eastbound and Down, S04E06)
  • "My clitoris beat my vagina?" (Masters of Sex, S01E06)
  • "LBC. Wet dick posse."
    "Ohhh. Sopping wet dicks. Yes, please." (Hello Ladies, S01E06)
  • "Why'd you come to LA, dog?"
    "Uhh… I had to get out of England. Some shit went down."
    "Yeah? What kind of shit?"
    "Well, um, there was some, uhh, chaps, uhh, making, making trouble in my, in my, neighbourhood…" (Hello Ladies, S01E06)
  • "Are you just watching us like we're Homeland?" (Fresh Meat, S03E01)
  • "A lot of fat guy clothes have racist overtones." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E07)
  • "You and Malia broke up?"
    "Yeah. She got real fat on me, so I was like, eww, bye."
    "I guess her gain is our gain." (New Girl, S03E07)
  • "For a chub, you're a terrible heavy." (New Girl, S03E07)
  • "Is that Notorious N.A.G.? Is that Naggie Gyllenhaal?" (New Girl, S03E07)
  • "Work trumps girls. Girls are replaceable, jobs are forever." (New Girl, S03E07)
  • "If he can pee in Brazil, he can pee in my house." (New Girl, S03E07)
  • "You're drinking on a Tuesday and you are a teacher."
    "Oh, those kids are watching a movie tomorrow." (New Girl, S03E07)
  • "He's gonna get the whole precinct. This is a high income area. They're very bored in there." (New Girl, S03E07)
  • "Serpentine!" (New Girl, S03E07)
  • "This is your worst nightmare. There's a very good looking man in my bed, and he's naked, and I'm flushed, and I'm flustered. I might as well just spray paint 'Jay Cutler sucks!' on the wall and just round out the whole image." (New Girl, S03E07)
  • Chucky and his kazoo (Sons of Anarchy, S06E09)


(South Park, S17E06)


(It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E10)

  • "When do you want me to serve the squash and the beef?"
    "So we're literally serving squash and beef?"
    "You said we're squashing beef. I thought it would be part of the ceremony to have squash and beef."
    "Yeah, it's all about the ceremony. That's why I got this bucket of dirt and a hatchet, so we can have a ceremonial burying of the hatchet."
    "Right, and after we do that, we're going to wipe the slate clean." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E10)
  • "That was three pumps, and the rulebook says you cannot have more than two. Clearly three pumps." (Key and Peele, S03E08)
  • "I'll take that ?uestlove down to a Kevin Hart in 20 minutes." (The League, S05E10)
  • "I kinda accidentally gave you the Skrillex."
    "You shaved half of my pubes off?" (The League, S05E10)
  • "It's gonna be three weeks before I get a Howie Long going. Another two years before I get my Polamalu back." (The League, S05E10)


(The League, S05E10)

  • "And get me a Coke." (American Horror Story, S03E05)
  • "You're one step up from the men who stand in front of Home Depot." (American Horror Story, S03E05)
  • "I look like Siegfried and Roy." (Glee, S05E04)
  • "It's called a 'swing gush.'" (The Greatest Event in Television History 3, 11-07-13)
  • "As I said when I saw the bassist for the Pixies, it's a Deal." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E14)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

44. James Van Der Beek Interview (The Eric Andre Show, S02E05)

A "Television Episode of the Year" nominee.


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "We'll get the crooks, then we'll find the law." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E08)
  • "Don't let your life get out of hand." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E08)
  • "Water: Mother Nature's piss." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • The running 'Tim Heidecker wears Wake Forest gear' gag (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "Rick, Ross, Rick, Ross." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "A therapist? Some motherfucker with a little flute? Makes a fucking cobra come out of a basket." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "Enjoy new things for the very first time in your lives." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "Question. Yes. Ja Rule." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • Cat Cora – ha! (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "It's TNT. The 'T' is for taters. 'N' is for and. And the final 'T'…tits. Taters 'N' Tits." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "How did Leonardo DiCaprio figure out about gravity?" (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "Yeah, my chin is shitty." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)


(Eastbound and Down, S04E05)

  • "No diggity, no doubt, like to bang it up." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "I'm loving how you sexualized the food. This is perfect for a shopping mall." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "Instead of bacon bits, bacon tits." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "Plenty of pussy and cash for nasty old Scottie Pippen." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "We are infinite!" (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "Finest bottle of white zinfandel, please." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "Do you have a special relationship with monkeys?"
    "Well, you know I got people in Atlanta." (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "The demands of others oftentimes conflict with the demands of living an exceptional life. Could Schwarzenegger have ascended to the top of both film and politics if he had actually given a fuck about his family?" (Eastbound and Down, S04E05)
  • "Isn't this DJ fantastic? He's from very near Vegas." (Hello Ladies, S01E05)
  • "So many feelings!" (China, IL, S02E06)
  • "Superheroes are brightly-coloured people who whoosh around and sound like throat cancer." (China, IL, S02E06)


(China, IL, S02E06)

  • "It's the masseuse!" (China, IL, S02E06)
  • "Grandma is dead." (Sons of Anarchy, S06E08)
  • "Canadian puberty. When you fart, your dick gets hard." (South Park, S17E05)
  • "Come on, bro. Kick the fuckin' baby. Let's see you try, wuss." (South Park, S17E05)
  • "I should have you be aware that my face has tested positive for queefy sauce." (South Park, S17E05)
  • "Strange Tamer." (South Park, S17E05)


(South Park, S17E05)


(American Horror Story, S03E04)

  • "Madison Montgomery is a stone-cold bitch who loves hard drinking, big dicks, and trouble. If she's dead, it's probably because she got wasted and offered the Grim Reaper a handjob or something." (American Horror Story, S03E04)
  • Dennis using an Australian accent (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E09)
  • "It gets straighter." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E09)
  • Dee stripper disrobing cut (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E09)
  • "This is not a legal document."
    "Oh, it's 100% legal. It's on legal paper." (The League, S05E09)
  • "You own Apple stock?"
    "Yeah. I also bought beef stock, I bought chicken stock, and when the apocalypse happens, guess who they're gonna have to come to for those sweet sweet little cubes? I'm gonna be a bouillonaire." (The League, S05E09)
  • "Why would Kevin be in this building?"
    "Isn't this the lawyer building?" (The League, S05E09)
  • "I'm not in seventh grade. I don't kidnap people anymore." (The League, S05E09)
  • "Somebody call 9/11. Now." (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories: Haunted House, 10-31-13)
  • "My name's John Heard. I'm an actor."
    "I thought… I thought that was you." (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, 10-31-13)
  • "This is the Casey Anthony. It tastes like a party, but something's missing."
    "I'm sorry. These cookie names are terrible."
    "That's the AIDSadoodles." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E13)
  • "Go for the diarrhea one." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E13)
  • Audacious cold open (Saturday Night Live, S39E05)
  • "His cloud is full of butts." (Saturday Night Live, S39E05)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

43. Precious masturbates to a minotaur (American Horror Story, S03E03)


Honourable Mention

  • Trail of Pigs (The Walking Dead, S04E02)
  • Madame LaLaurie reacts to Obama (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • Sideline Interview (Key and Peele, S03E06)
  • Ranch It Up! (The Eric Andre Show, S02E04)
  • Road Trip (The Birthday Boys, S01E02)

Stray Observations

  • "Because of my martial arts training, my muscles are attuned to excel at oriental activities." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "The dick wants to be a hunk." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "That's some Amores Perros right there, motherfucker." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Why are you taking me onto the set of City of God, man?" (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Everyone loves poor black kids – Diff'rent Strokes, Dangerous Minds, Urkel… White guilt, man. Get with the program."
    "No, I know. Box office returns on Blind Side were huge." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Polyester pleats? You fuckin' jackass!" (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "I need your linguistics to be on point. Talk about finances. Talk about ancient affairs. Industrialism. I need you to be the fuckin' Bill O'Reilly with tits in there." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "The bell is for symbolisms." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Kemosabe, you're showing brain." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Breast cancer…for teens." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Fuckin' George Washington didn't do shit. He can suck my fuckin' dick. I fuckin' hate that faggot." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Mortals falter. Kings act. And the mortal who acts… Well, that motherfucker becomes king." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)


(Eastbound and Down, S04E04)

  • "I'm inspired a lot by the fashions of Adrien Brody." (Hello Ladies, S01E04)
  • "When does a gay man become a faggot? When he leaves the room." (Hello Ladies, S01E04)
  • "How did we end up in this bed together like dick-touching Jonas brothers?" (China, IL, S02E05)
  • "Take your face back to Mordor." (China, IL, S02E05)
  • "You find this surprising?! She was fucking a roach." (China, IL, S02E05)


Academy Award winner Octavia Spencer (Mom, S01E05)

  • "Let me guess. You are…dumpy Chuck Norris."
    "No, I'm–"
    "Dumpy Ron Weasley."
    "No!"
    "You guys, stop it. He put thought into his costume, and he is obviously Miranda from Sex and the City."
    "Guys, I'm Mario Batali! Molto Mario? Celebrity chef? Ginger prince of Little Italy?"
    "Is he also a homeless troll doll? 'Cause you look like a homeless troll doll."
    [...]
    "Eric Stoltz from Mask."
    "I'll take it."
    [...]
    "We need two undercovers at the DeKalb Street warehouse party. Boyle, you're already in costume as, uh, Joy Behar?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E06)
  • "Mrs. Schmidt wrote that little fat loser a letter of support from the star of his favorite movie, Batman, but not the confusing new one, the good one, with Michael Keaton." (New Girl, S03E06)
  • Slow-loading image of half-naked woman in flashback (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "I guess I'll just always be the fat boy who eats fat boy cheese." (New Girl, S03E06)
  • Winston as David Letterman (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "Hey, Winston, by the way, great costume. Maya Angelou." (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "That is Michael Keaton. Why is he wearing his costume from the movie he did 24 years ago?"
    "If he wore the outfit from Clean and Sober, you wouldn't recognize him." (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "keatonpotatoes@aol.com." (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "You don't need Keaton. You got me."
    [shudders] "What was that?"
    "I'm so sorry…"
    "Why would you say something like that?! The end of a high school football movie?" (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "My family… We judge and we hate, and when we have scorched every earth and we're all used up, we die – miserably." (Sons of Anarchy, S06E07)
  • Tara! (Sons of Anarchy, S06E07)
  • Joshua James – "Crash This Train (Acoustic)" (Sons of Anarchy, S06E07)
  • "I've got the power to fuck powers out of people. Now I've got a chance to use my cock for good." (Misfits, S05E01)
  • "I was shagging the devil out of you." (Misfits, S05E01)
  • RT: "There are a lot of things I'm not enjoying about MODERN FAMILY, but Lily suddenly being able to do comedy almost makes up for them." (Modern Family, S05E06)
  • The episode seems like an excuse to play "Seven" by Sunny Day Real Estate on television (South Park, S17E04)


(American Horror Story, S03E03)

  • RT: "AHS is wrong. Semen can't boil. It has no boiling point bcuz the protein in it would cause it to solidify when heated." (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • "Dr. Phil says that kids from broken homes use food to replace love. It's comforting."
    "Well, I think you best look for a new physician." (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • "Get back to work before I smack you, slave." (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • "Slave, wait!" (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • "This coven doesn't need another Supreme. It needs a new rug." (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • Pacific Rim reunion (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E08)
  • "The good of the scorpion is not the good of the frog, yes?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E08)
  • "At long last, the day has come. We have the means, the understanding, the technology…to allow spiders to talk with cats!!!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E08)
  • "No lipstick."
    "Nothing happening."
    "Not even a pig in a blanket." (The League, S05E08)
  • "I am not a wine cooler. At the very least, I am a top-shelf box wine." (The League, S05E08)
  • "I don't want to go to dehab! I'm reading The Corrections. I have to finish it! I don't know how it ends!" (The League, S05E08)


(The League, S05E08)

  • "Statutory rape!" (The Eric Andre Show, S02E04)
  • "Don't be mulatto right now, dude." (The Eric Andre Show, S02E04)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

42. Fierce Creatures (American Horror Story, S03E02)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Sorry, Pookie." (The Walking Dead, S04E01)
  • "I wouldn't put something alive in a box." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E06)
  • "I'm a mature man. I listen to fuckin' Terry Gross now." (Eastbound and Down, S04E03)
  • RT: "Astute scholars of popular culture will surely recognize the dancing robot's song as the Lambda Lambda Lambda Rap from Revenge of the Nerds." (Eastbound and Down, S04E03)
  • "The only people that get to get wet are people that are nice to me." (Eastbound and Down, S04E03)
  • "In Mexico, you just slide down the fuckin' garbage chute, huh?" (Eastbound and Down, S04E03)
  • "No lines at the water park. This is what I call a wet dream." (Eastbound and Down, S04E03)
  • "There will be no dick sucks tonight." (Eastbound and Down, S04E03)
  • "Dear God, should I go get my dick sucked?" (Eastbound and Down, S04E03)
  • "I'm gonna keep my money where my mouth is – um, under my nose. That saying actually does work." (New Girl, S03E05)
  • "I make a little bit of money and you come slipping out of the woodword."
    "You mean, 'woodwork'?"
    "What is 'woodwork'?!"
    "What's 'woodword'?!?!" (New Girl, S03E05)
  • "You are so drunk right now. What happens with the rest of your day? Do you even think about that?"
    "You don't understand drinking at all." (New Girl, S03E05)
  • "Well then how 'bout this? Two can help. And if two are gonna help, then I'll be one of them, 'cause two can tango on this dance." (New Girl, S03E05)
  • "You want my purses to be covered in gemstones?"
    "All guys do! That's what we think is sexy! We want to be playing a saxophone in an alley and have you walk by in a miniskirt with a purse with gems!" (New Girl, S03E05)
  • "If a genie did come out, what would you wish for?"
    "More candelabras." (New Girl, S03E05)
  • "Bitch, I will eat you!" (American Horror Story, S03E02)
  • Cornrow City Salon. (American Horror Story, S03E02)
  • "Out of my way, slave." (American Horror Story, S03E02)
  • Stevie Nicks was a powerful white witch. (American Horror Story, S03E02)
  • "At least in death you can't disappoint the ones you love." (American Horror Story, S03E02)


Gratuitous Jessica Lange eating fried chicken (American Horror Story, S03E02)


(It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E07)

  • "Religious stuttering army carnies." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E07)
  • "Ho-ly shit. Dennis is Spider-Man." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E07)
  • "Like a farting mime?" (The League, S05E07)
  • "Twitter Watergate." (Parks and Recreation, S06E05)
  • "Number sign bitch boss." (Parks and Recreation, S06E05)


(Parks and Recreation, S06E05)


(Childrens Hospital, S05E12)

  • "You know you get my dick all swole. Even when it don't want to do nothing, you be getting my dick swole. It be unmotivated and you motivate it. You are goddamn, the Pat Summitt of my dick." (The Eric Andre Show, S02E03)
  • Tiny Toon Adventures references! (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E11)
  • "You played Dwight Schrute on The Office. What were your lines on that project?"
    "Um, it started like this: 'Michael! Jim put my stapler in Jell-O again. Jim, what are you doing? I'm on the phone.'"
    "Let's skip ahead to the final episode. What are your lines?"
    "Angela, I love you so much."
    "No no no. That's Who's the Boss?. Do The Office." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E11)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


41. Kenny gets his groove back (Eastbound and Down, S04E02)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "The Cauliflower's Cuming From Inside The House Burger." (Bob's Burgers, S04E02)
  • "You don't have to be good, you just have to be fast."
    "Why can't all women want that?" (Bob's Burgers, S04E02)
  • "I'M NOT BOB FOSSE!" (Bob's Burgers, S04E02)
  • "The rage you feel, it's a gift. Use it, but don't let anyone see it." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E05)
  • Frank! (Boardwalk Empire, S04E05)
  • Clayton! (Boardwalk Empire, S04E05)
  • Eddie! (Boardwalk Empire, S04E05)
  • "The days of Kenny Powers turning out lesbians are fuckin' behind him." (Eastbound and Down, S04E02)
  • "Four Mexican kids is equal to two white kids." (Eastbound and Down, S04E02)
  • "No slices for wife." (Eastbound and Down, S04E02)
  • "If we do this, it's gonna take a ton of blood, sugar, sex, and magic." (Eastbound and Down, S04E02)
  • "You love jazz? Name three key jazz musicians."
    [pause]
    "Miles Davis."
    "Number one, yup."
    "Lance Armstrong."
    "The trumpet player, Lance Armstrong?"
    "Yes."
    "Okay, and number three?"
    "…The Loneliest Monk." (Hello Ladies, S01E02)
  • "Yo! Chinese Precious!" (China, IL, S02E03)
  • "C'mon, guys. Don't be turds out of water." (China, IL, S02E03)
  • "You and Carabas are just like Dumbledore and Gandalf – first you wanna fight, but pretty soon, you're gonna wanna screw." (China, IL, S02E03)
  • "You invented the Boston Tea Party?"
    "At the time it was referred to as the Destruction of the Tea. You've coined a far more…festive name." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E04)
  • "And fewer GCSEs than a Premier League football team." (Bad Education, S02E06)


(Bad Education, S02E06)

  • "So, um, how often do you groom your cat?" (New Girl, S03E04)
  • "I really like the instrument of the cello." (New Girl, S03E04)
  • "No fear! Monday! Tuesday! Wednesday! Friday! Full wheel, bitches!" (New Girl, S03E04)
  • Abe Sapien just masturbated to Hellboy having sex (Sons of Anarchy, S06E05)
  • RT: "Throwing in exciting endings after boring me the whole episode? Congrats #SOA, you now operate on the same level as #TheWalkingDead." (Sons of Anarchy, S06E05)
  • "My mama lives down in the ninth ward."(American Horror Story, S03E01)
  • What a terribly niche witch power (American Horror Story, S03E01)
  • Gratuitous shot of Precious sneak-eating a drumstick (American Horror Story, S03E01)
  • Albert Nobbs – bwah! (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E06)
  • "Definitely not like a biiiiird." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E06)
  • Dee dies in three of the five fantasies (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E06)
  • "It's not Bowschwitz." (The League, S05E06)
  • Marshall Allman – eternally young (Filthy Sexy Teens, S01E01)


(The Eric Andre Show, S02E02)


(The Eric Andre Show, S02E02)


(The Eric Andre Show, S02E02)

  • Is that really Brian McKnight? He looks ollld (The Eric Andre Show, S02E02)
  • "Whip it like a man!" (MasterChef Junior, S01E03)
  • Aaand less than 24 hours later, Brian McKnight is back on television (Shark Tank, S05E04)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

40. "Fuck you, Brad Culpepper!" (Survivor, S27E03)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • The cover of C+C Music Factory's "Everybody Dance Now" (Bob's Burgers, S04E01)
  • Does anyone in real life store the keys to a car under the car's driver-side sun visor? (Breaking Bad, S05E16)
  • The pillar reveal (Breaking Bad, S05E16)
  • "He doesn't like to lose."
    "Nobody likes to, but we all have to learn how." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E04)
  • "He's so supportive."
    "You're like a nice big bra." (Eastbound and Down, S04E01)
  • "Hey, Kenny, tell 'em what you got. Don't hold back now."
    "I got a modest priced home! I got a good deal on it!"
    "What else? What else you got? Come on now."
    "Uh…I got a family that loves me! Loves the fuck out of me! They really like me a lot."
    "The fuck is that?" (Eastbound and Down, S04E01)
  • "It's not nice to call people faggots, faggots." (Eastbound and Down, S04E01)
  • "That is what happens when people get into air battles! Sometimes they connect!" (Eastbound and Down, S04E01)
  • "The dean is offering $500,000 for the capture of Kevin Costner. He doesn't even get paid that much to act anymore." (China, IL, S02E02)
  • "You don't like reggae…"
    "Uhh, Olly Murs?" (Bad Education, S02E05)
  • "Yeah, so that's glass. That ain't no mint." (New Girl, S03E03)
  • "This is author Toni Morrison. I am? Oh yeah? Well, I think you're a woman!" (New Girl, S03E03)
  • "Jess, you know so many Spaceballs quotes."
    "They jam the radar with literal jam!" (New Girl, S03E03)
  • "I made up a dance so everyone will be happy." (New Girl, S03E03)
  • Winston's alone moment at the restaurant (New Girl, S03E03)
  • "I prefer the Kilborn Daily Show. I think it's the best one." (New Girl, S03E03)
  • Filthy Phil! (Sons of Anarchy, S06E04)
  • Bad week to be a neo-Nazi on television (Sons of Anarchy, S06E04)


(South Park, S17E02)

  • "I wish Jaden Smith was my son!" (South Park, S17E02)
  • "Jaden Smith lets his parents do whatever they want." (South Park, S17E02)
  • "Ugh, who has the pillow?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E05)
  • "Taco's Truck has earned four Michelin tires." (The League, S05E05)
  • "The clap's not that bad. It's like a B rating. Just don't touch your vagina after you eat the wings." (The League, S05E05)
  • The Bridge fan art! (The Bridge, S01E13)
  • Did he really pee himself? (The Eric Andre Show, S02E01)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

39. Bad Boys (The League, S05E04)

"Television Episode of the Year" nominee.


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • RT: "Michael C Hall has the unique distinction of acting in the best series finale (Six Feet Under) and the worst." (Dexter, S08E12)
  • RAHM EMANUEL IS JUDGING PIZZAS ON THE GREAT FOOD TRUCK RACE (S04E06)
  • Terrible stuff I love: Whenever Tyler Florence says "Let's get rolling!" on The Great Food Truck Race (S04E06)
  • RT: "Can we take away Emmys? Because Breaking Bad just let Bob Odenkirk lift empty luggage, and it's not okay." (Breaking Bad, S05E15)
  • General Gilligan's march to the sea (Breaking Bad, S05E15)
  • "Here are two pictures: One is your locker, the other is a garbage dump in the Philippines." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E02)
  • "Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing."
    "That's the only thing in the world I know to be true." (New Girl, S03E02)


Laura's cubism-inspired make-up (Face Off, S05E07)

  • Terrible stuff I love: CCH Pounder's wig (Sons of Anarchy, S06E03)
  • Nolan Gould hit puberty (Modern Family, S05E01)
  • RT: "That tape made me start questioning the show's timeline, since I was thinking they've been using 1 tape for almost a decade, but it's less time? They're about 28 in the 1st season but should be about 33 by the end of the 7th for their high school reunion. Season 5 ends late 2009, because of the World Series. Plus, season 6 takes place over almost a year, while season 7 into episode 3 of season 8 all took place over the course of like 2-3 months (according to Mac in the Gang Gets Analyzed). I think it all works if season 1 and 2 are in 2006, but who even knows man." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E04)
  • Watch Charlie Day Yank Off Danny DeVito's Undies (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E04)
  • Dana White? (The League, S05E04)
  • "I'm never gonna forget the last thing I said to him, man. I said, 'Spaz, you can't fit the whole thing in your mouth.' And he said, 'Aarrgghhhaauugh.'" (The League, S05E04)
  • "Here we are at the Grand Canyon, jerking off. Just another of our 'Cumming on America' series." (The League, S05E04)
  • "I'm not your type?! I'm everyone's type! My junk is like O positive blood – it's universally compatible!" (The League, S05E04)
  • "I got blue clues!" (The League, S05E04)
  • "The Accused? The movie? It's only like the greatest romantic comedy ever made! It's like Sleepless in Seattle meets The Proposal meets non-consensual sex." (The League, S05E04)
  • The pinball machine is emitting my mobile's ringtone and it's disorienting (The League, S05E04)
  • The imagery in Linder's scenes (The Bridge, S01E12)
  • "Enjoy the fact that your royal overlords are a frail old woman and a tiny baby." (Parks and Recreation, S06E01)


(Parks and Recreation, S06E02)

  • "You better call the cops, 'cause I just committed assault and vinegar." (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E10)
  • "Do you have any strains of hepatitis?"
    "It's pronounced 'herpes,' and no." (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E10)
  • "We'd now like to invite all foreign passengers who have not yet been called to ignore us and try boarding anyway." (Saturday Night Live, S39E01)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

38. Pickwell's Memorial (Bad Education, S02E03)


Honourable Mention

  • Knife Fight (Breaking Bad, S05E14)
  • Brad Culpepper does math (Survivor, S27E01)
  • June Diane Raphael imitates everybody (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E09)
  • Worst Presentation Ever (Shark Tank, S05E01)

Stray Observations


(Breaking Bad, S05E14)


(Breaking Bad, S05E14)

  • "I watched Jane die." (Breaking Bad, S05E14)
  • RT: "My wife had a lot of problems with Skyler letting Walt leave with the baby. She said, 'Any mom punches the window and breaks it.' She didn't try to open the door. There was no real urgency. And when Walt's pulling out, she's like, 'I would've jumped on the car.'"
  • "Mr. Thompson is part of everything. He is in the sky and the sea. He is in the dreams of children at night. He is all that there is. Forever." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E02)
  • RT: "'You know what I saw? A servant pretending to be a king.' Narcisse basically called Chalky the Jay-Z of Atlantic City." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E02)
  • "She's done a Klaxons and vanished without a trace." (Bad Education, S02E03)
  • "I will Point Break style this moment!" (New Girl, S03E01)
  • Winston wearing a hoodie as pants. (New Girl, S03E01)
  • "If you think those shoes are brown, what colour do you think you are?" (New Girl, S03E01)
  • RT: "I was prepared for a last minute salvation of Gus, but then the way they play it, the way they force Sonya to use her worst skill (lying) in the most cruel way…it was almost Shakespearean." (The Bridge, S01E11)
  • "Black bars don't win awards." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E03)
  • "Being single is the RedZone channel." (The League, S05E03)
  • Noting that you just parodied Steinbeck undercuts your parody. (Key and Peele, S03E01)
  • "We can graft one person's face onto another person's face."
    "Great idea! Then I can finally get the face of Tilda Swinton!" (Childrens Hospital, S05E09)
  • Skinny Pete and Bubbles! (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E09)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


37. Chekhov's Treadmill (Dexter, S08E10)

The nadir of television this year.


Honourable Mention

  • To'hajiilee shootout (Breaking Bad, S05E13)
  • Cuckolding sting (Boardwalk Empire, S04E01)
  • School shooting (Sons of Anarchy, S06E01)
  • Toasts to Andre (The League, S05E02)
  • "I Snacked a Snack" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E10)

Stray Observations


(Breaking Bad, S05E13)

  • Michael! (Top Boy, S02E04)
  • "You're a stupid whore." (Sons of Anarchy, S06E01)
  • I thought Tig was gonna rape the Persian he drowned in pee, not pee on him (Sons of Anarchy, S06E01)
  • AIDS-stricken Ted smearing the volleyball with fake blood (The League, S05E02)
  • Adam Brody opening a door to reveal a second door and yelling "SHIT!" (The League, S05E02)
  • "The patient has Draculas!" (Childrens Hospital, S05E08)
  • Robert Forster! (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E08)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

36. Honeymoon (Futurama, S07E26)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "You [Jonah Hill] have come a long way from just being Sonny and Cher's daughter." (The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco, 09-02-13)
  • "Aziz can't stay all night, he's gotta get back in the cupboard." (The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco, 09-02-13)
  • "The room is buzzing tonight, and not just from the flies around Aziz's relatives." (The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco, 09-02-13)
  • "How 'bout a hand for James' grandma, 91 years old. 127 hours is how long she has left." (The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco, 09-02-13)


(Bad Education, S02E01)

  • "Let's discuss this over a ham salad." (The Bridge, S01E09)
  • Dee's sound effects (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E01)
  • Idea: Landslide opens for Bill Burr (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E01)
  • "You can never leave. It's like the Hotel California, but with more teeth and pus."
    "Wasn't the Hotel California kind of a sad pus-y place?"
    "Okay, it's exactly like the Hotel California." (The League, S05E01)
  • "You just checked in…to the hotel."
    "Spaz, we've moved on!" (The League, S05E01)
  • "S.A.M.'s battery is down to what we call 'milk percentages.'" (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E07)
  • Argo end credits parody (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E07)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

Okay, the Clip of the Week proper is

35. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (Breaking Bad, S05E11)

but I'm featuring some August UK television that I just saw this week instead.

35x. That's How Strong My Love Is (Southcliffe, S01E03)

The scenes in this episode featuring Anatol Yusef's grieving husband/father are tremendous, capped off by the above clip.


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Are you the girlfriend police?" (Catfish, S02E09)
  • "So, how about that guacamole?" (Breaking Bad, S05E11)
  • "Why don't you kill yourself, Walt?" (Breaking Bad, S05E11)
  • "Only three episodes left."
    Dexter: We're moving to Argentina.
    Deb: The storm that's coming is gonna ground all the flights. You gotta move fast.
    [there is LITERALLY a storm coming]
    Antagonist That No One Cares About: Storm's coming, buddy.
    [facepalm] (Dexter, S08E09)
  • "Go Bruins! Beat the Golden Bears! Beat them as hard as you can! Beat them with impunity!" (The Newsroom, S02E07)
  • "The Kids' Choice Awards are tonight!"
    [spit-take] (Ray Donovan, S01E09)


(Futurama, S07E25)

  • "Now where are you gonna go, you little AIDS of the sky?" (Wilfred, S03E12)

#clipoftheweek


Looking ahead:

Wednesday is the new Thursday.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

34. Trailer Park Boys (The Bridge, S01E07)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • #jesseplemonskillingpeople (Breaking Bad, S05E10)
  • Landry and Herc (Breaking Bad, S05E10)
  • "That's a butter-everything." (Wilfred, S03E11)
  • "Hold your horse AIDS." (Childrens Hospital, S05E05)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


33. Star Trek Into Dorkness (Breaking Bad, S05E09)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Hank likes Boulder Canyon chips too! (Breaking Bad, S05E09)
  • RT: "I will have my revenge." — that one time it took too long for Aaron Sorkin's file to download (The Newsroom, S02E05)
  • "Baba booey, motherfuckers." (The Newsroom, S02E05)
  • "It's not finished. 'Ryan is a little bitch-iseled.'" (Wilfred, S03E10)
  • Starring Judah Friedlander as "Weird Al" Yankovic, and "Weird Al" Yankovic as young Justin Kirk (Childrens Hospital, S05E04)
  • "Do you think you would have been as popular if you had been named Jillian Gacobs?" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E06)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

32. International Superstars (Childrens Hospital, S05E03)

All played by James Adomian!

Alas, no Tom Leykis.


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • What a waste of plates (MasterChef, S04E18)
  • Adventure Time cameo (Futurama, S07E22)
  • "You're only a serial killer if you enjoy it." (The Bridge, S01E05)
  • Danny has a paper route, the girl in The Spectacular Now has a paper route – kids still have paper routes? (Broadchurch, S01E01)
  • "She blew Chicago." (Clear History, 08-10-13)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

31. The Execution of Ray Seward (The Killing, S03E10)


Stray Observations

  • "Book agents beat their wives." (The Newsroom, S02E03)
  • "I wanted to brush up my game." (Catfish: The TV Show, S02E06)
  • "Let's just say that I need a place to hide."
    [simultaneously] "That I need a place to hide." (Childrens Hospital, S05E02)
  • "There's no such place as 465 Lick My Butthole Lane. Lick My Butthole Lane ends at 426, then skips right to the 700s after Central Boulevard." (Childrens Hospital, S05E02)
  • "I performed an elaborate museum heist just so I could steal one of those child mummies and have sex with it. [...] I got to have sex with something very young but very old at the same time."
    "It's kinda like having sex with Emmanuel Lewis." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E04)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

30. Jon Voight dances to Heavy D, sniffs poppers in a gay club (Ray Donovan, S01E04)


Stray Observations


(Big Brother, S15E11)

  • "Soda is better than juice." (Axe Cop, S01E01)
  • Jon Voight: Nightmare Sex Dad (Ray Donovan, S01E04)
  • "I pay how much to live in a gated neighbourhood and some loser cranks a Mike Oldfield album?" (The Venture Bros., S05E08)
  • Ryan's dad is Dexter's dad, heh (Wilfred, S03E07)
  • "Sy, what do you know about the Japanese?"
    "They have no calf definition." (Childrens Hospital, S05E01)
  • "That's right! You doughy-calved bitches forfeit!" (Childrens Hospital, S05E01)
  • Not one, but two OITNB cast members (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E01)
  • Where have I seen her before? OH. She plays the sister on Rectify (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E01)
  • "And a star is born."
    "I knew I shouldn't have had sex with the sun!" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E03)
  • "Dr. Doo Doo is flying to London, England."
    "London, England? But why?"
    "Because that's where poop gets its power." (Axe Cop, S01E02)
  • "I am not concerned with fire. It just turns me into AXE COP FIRE!!!" (Axe Cop, S01E02)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

29. Jon Voight: Twerking Enthusiast (Ray Donovan, S01E03)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I have the confidence of a tall man." (The Newsroom, S02E01)
  • RT: Did that lady go through the trouble of making a full three-bean salad just to dump it on Lyle Lovett's desk? That shit is hardbody. (The Bridge, S01E02)
  • "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.: A Criminal Regiment of Nasty Young Men." (Futurama, S07E19)
  • "[My biography] has to sing off the page. I'm talking Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, or early George."
    "George?"
    "Curious? Later George just wallows in its own density."
    "Something like The Berenstain Bears Visit the Dentist?"
    "Visit the Dentist is beach reading. Sure, I'm along for the ride, but is it transcendent in any way? Besides, it's totally derivative of Aardvark." (Wilfred, S03E06)
  • "This is like the Valentine's Day of emoji movies." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E02)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


28. Grand Fin-ale (Sharknado, 07-11-13)


Honourable Mention

  • Waiting for the bomb to go off (The Bridge, S01E01)
  • Reggie's Tron skit (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E01)

Stray Observations

  • "Shame is like having a daughter with red hair and freckles – you cannot let it become part of your life." (Wilfred, S03E05)
  • "I'll suck your dick to suck your toes…" (Wilfred, S03E05)
  • "So what did you do over the break?"
    "Oh, you know, I lost five pounds."
    "Oh my God, that's great."
    "No, it wasn't. It was in an English casino." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E01)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

27. Skin Plates (Total Blackout, S02E15)


Stray Observations

  • What in tarnation is Paula Malcomson's accent? (Ray Donovan, S01E01)
  • He dyed him green? (Ray Donovan, S01E01)
  • Love the moobs and strength suit continuity (The Venture Bros., S05E05)
  • "Rumour has it the creature on the cover of Diamond Dogs is actually an unaltered photo of the Sovereign. He may also have been the woman beside Bowie on the cover of Pin Ups." (The Venture Bros., S05E05)
  • An OSI agent named Slap Chop (The Venture Bros., S05E05)
  • Tank Top (The Venture Bros., S05E05)
  • "Did Joe Eszterhas write that for you?" (The Venture Bros., S05E05)
  • Who is he…? OH. The lead in Submarine! (Skins, S07E01)
  • "Can you imagine our neighbours back in Brentwood helping out this way?"
    "I don't even know who our neighbours are."
    Lolololol (Under the Dome, S01E02)

#clipoftheweek