Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

So begins my SEVENTH year of doing this.

1. Las Cucarachas (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E10)


Stray Observations

  • Fat Mycroft (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • Victorian mind palace (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • "Controlled usage is not usually fatal, and abstinence is not immortality." (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • Sherlock Season Grade: C
  • Ash vs. Evil Dead Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clips of the Year

1. Nerds (Friends of the People, S01E10)
2. Christina (Worst Cooks in America, S06E01)
3. Fifty Shades of Grey (Togetherness, S01E01)
4. Nola vs. Burton (Banshee, S03E03)
5. Marshawn Lynch and Rob Gronkowski Play "Mortal Kombat X" With Conan O'Brien (Conan, 01-29-15)
6. The Oner (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E04)
7. The prosecution rests (Better Call Saul, S01E01)
8. 50 Shades of Gay (Portlandia, S05E07)
9. What Is Escrow? (Portlandia, S05E08)
10. Girlfriend University (Man Seeking Woman, S01E08)
11. Glow Stick Magic Trick (Troy, S02E01)
12. Virtual Insanity (Community, S06E02)
13. She picked a bad time (The Americans, S03E09)
14. Partners (Justified, S06E11)
15. The Interview (Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, 04-05-15)
16. Pooey Louie (Louie, S05E02)
17. Football Town Nights (Inside Amy Schumer, S03E01)
18. Black Widow: Age of Me (Saturday Night Live, S40E19)
19. The Guy From Jeff's Gym (Community, S06E09)
20. Adam Sandler's Musical Ode to David Letterman (Late Show with David Letterman, 05-12-15)
21. The End (Late Show with David Letterman, 05-20-15)
22. Adult 2.0 Keynote (Silicon Valley, S02E07)
23. WHITEWALKAZ!!!! (Game of Thrones, S05E08)
24. Blood on the dance floor (Penny Dreadful, S02E06)
25. Walk of Shame (Game of Thrones, S05E10)
26. Witness (True Detective, S02E01)
27. Jack vs. Hannibal 2 (Hannibal, S03E05)
28. Kaleidoscopic Lesbian Sex Scene (Hannibal, S03E06)
29. Point Pleasant Police Department (The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, 07-16-15)
30. Brock Lesnar confronts The Undertaker / The brawl between Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker spills backstage (WWE Raw, 07-20-15)
31. Gene vs. The Falcon (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E08)
32. The Correspondents Say Goodbye (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 08-06-15)
33. Being a Little Person (Review, S02E03)
34. The Great Red Dragon bites Chilton's lips off (Hannibal, S03E12)
35. The Ballad of Ice-T (Rick and Morty, S02E05)
36. A Kingdom of Bullshit (Mr. Robot, S01E10)
37. Seth Rollins wanders around backstage yelling STING GIVE ME BACK MY STATUE, Xavier Woods plays the Final Fantasy victory fanfare on the trombone, The New Day engages in a trombone vs. kazoo battle with Edge and Christian, Big E tries to eat a kazoo, The Dudley Boyz show up (WWE Raw, 09-07-15)
38. At the Mercy of the Magic 8-Ball (Review, S02E08)
39. Ariana Grande's Death (Scream Queens, S01E01)
40. End of the Road (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E02)
41. Guns (Saturday Night Live, S41E02)
42. Boogers and Cum (South Park, S19E04)
43. Man Zone (Nathan for You, S03E02)
44. Porn? (Nathan for You, S03E03)
45. Age Progression Specialist (Nathan for You, S03E04)
46. Brain Probe (The Knick, S02E05)
47. Calzone Cadaver (Nathan for You, S03E06)
48. Staple Gun (Getting On, S03E03)
49. Hostage (Fargo, S02E08)
50. Wedding Photo (Transparent, S02E01)
51. Self-Surgery (The Knick, S02E10)

And…


52. Steve Harvey announces the wrong winner (Miss Universe, 12-20-15)


Stray Observations

  • Homeland Season Grade: D

Looking forward:

Comedies created by Louis CK and Steve Carell, and a drama from Mick Jagger starring Andrew "Dice" Clay.

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

51. Self-Surgery (The Knick, S02E10)


Honourable Mention

  • Surgery/Re-entry (The Last Man on Earth, S02E10)
  • "Hotline Bling" (American Horror Story, S05E10)
  • Ash vs. Ash (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E08)
  • Stadium Bathroom (F Is For Family, S01E03)

Stray Observations

  • "Technically, it's just carbonated fudge." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E10)
  • "Somebody's got a lot of business to attend to. Who are you, Barbara Corcoran?"

    "He didn't even make me one of the good sharks! I'm clearly Lori!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E10)
  • "And those farts Gina kept smelling…"
    "They were Ramon."
    "No, it was sewage."
    "And Ramon." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E10)
  • "Will you try to blow out a fart for me?"
    "Hey, bud, how 'bout a real quick fart? Just anything you got." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E10)
  • "There is no justice, but there is mercy, because that's what we can give to each other." (Getting On, S03E06)
  • Getting On Season Grade: C+
  • ♫: Black Sabbath – "War Pigs" (Fargo, S02E10)
  • "From this moment forward, I decree, no more schnitzel or strudel." (Fargo, S02E10)
  • "An act of cruelty, remember?" (Fargo, S02E10)
  • "In the morning, we journey home to bathe in that warm champagne that is corporate praise." (Fargo, S02E10)
  • "Camus says knowing we're gonna die makes life absurd."
    "Well, I don't know who that is, but I'm guessing he doesn't have a six year-old girl."
    "He's French."
    "Ugh, I don't care if he's from Mars. Nobody with any sense would say something that foolish. We're put on this earth to do a job, and each of us gets the time we get to do it. And when this life is over, and you stand in front of the Lord… Well, you try telling him it was all some Frenchman's joke." (Fargo, S02E10)
  • "Your husband, he said he was gonna protect his family no matter what, and I acted like I didn't understand, but…I do. It's the rock we all push – men. We call it our burden, but…it's really our privilege." (Fargo, S02E10)
  • RT: The Fargo finale had one hell of an Easter egg pointing back to s1 (Fargo, S02E10)
  • Fargo Season Grade: B+
  • "Cheekbones for days." (American Horror Story, S05E10)
  • "Mama smells appetizers." (American Horror Story, S05E10)
  • Iris' tribute video. (American Horror Story, S05E10)
  • "I wanted it to be a beacon of hope for my three followers on Instagram." (American Horror Story, S05E10)
  • The Knick Season Grade: C+
  • Robert Downey Sr. (Saturday Night Live, S41E09)
  • Patrice O'Neal character design (F Is For Family, S01E02)
  • Mohican Airlines ad (F Is For Family, S01E05)
  • Guest starring Joe Buck (F Is For Family, S01E05)
  • "Frank, this man earned this. Let him fuck on your car." (F Is For Family, S01E06)
  • F Is For Family Season Grade: D

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

50. Wedding Photo (Transparent, S02E01)


Honourable Mention

  • Lao Ban Santa (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E10)
  • Chanel's missive to end all missives (Scream Queens, S01E12)

Stray Observations

  • "I hereby christen thee…Snackie Chan!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E09)
  • "You're what sneezes are!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E09)
  • "Damn, Neil DeGrasse Tyson!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E09)
  • "We are the nine thousand, two hundred, sixty-one. We are not spared." (The Leftovers, S02E10)
  • ♫: NOVA – "Kyabe Knights" (The Leftovers, S02E10)
  • The Leftovers Season Grade: B+
  • "Nobody wants to see another Paris." (Homeland, S05E10)
  • Martin Freeman narrating (Fargo, S02E09)
  • "It's just a flying saucer, hon. We got to go." (Fargo, S02E09)
  • "Okay then." (Fargo, S02E09)
  • "I thought Irishmen had potatoes. It looks like you're just smuggling some tater tots." (WWE Raw, 12-07-15)
  • "Werewolf pubes." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E01)
  • "A rolling stone gather no moss, but it do gather pubes." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E01)
  • Garrity Chinatown (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E01)
  • "Don't you switch my words."
    "I'll words you switch!" (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E01)
  • "Neon Joe is gonna be out of our pubes soon enough." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E01)
  • "All these white Santas are just Chinese Santa's Mitch-es." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E10)
  • "We can't give mom Tupac lyrics as her present." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E10)
  • "To all the relentless unwashed hoards on Twitter, who have taken every opportunity to mock and attack me mercilessly from the safety of their stained futons…" (Scream Queens, S01E12)
  • "I lost my virginity to a Nickelback song." (Scream Queens, S01E12)
  • "I'm gonna go disinvite Jerry Seinfeld from speaking at commencement. He told a joke about a woman once." (Scream Queens, S01E13)
  • "Couple that with my BJ lips.." (Scream Queens, S01E13)
  • Jesse Helms Stadium (Scream Queens, S01E13)
  • "I just don't understand how deep the hole's supposed to be."
    "Whore deep!" (Scream Queens, S01E13)
  • ♫: Martika – "Toy Soldiers" (Scream Queens, S01E13)
  • Deputized strippers (Scream Queens, S01E13)


(Scream Queens, S01E13)

  • "I remember that little girl's face in the bathroom that night. It's burned into my memory, like Joe Theismann's injury and '2 Girls 1 Cup.'" (Scream Queens, S01E13)
  • Scream Queens Season Grade: C-


(Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E02)

  • "I'd like to hear a little bit about it about it." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E02)
  • "You're jealous of a goldfish? A daily chore that ends in heartbreak?" (Black-ish, S02E10)
  • "What is PC but a verbal form of gentrification?" (South Park, S19E09)
  • South Park Season Grade: C+
  • "Ooh, you smell good. What is that, McDonald's?" (The League, S07E13)
  • Old Nick Kroll is Larry David (The League, S07E13)
  • The League Season Grade: D
  • You're the Worst Season Grade: C-
  • "Goddamn Hulu." (American Horror Story, S05E09)


(Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E03)

  • Nathan For You Season Grade: A-
  • Convincing gumbo (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E04)
  • "Your last name Willis?"
    "No, why?"
    "'Cause right about now, I feel like saying, 'What'chu talkin' 'bout, Bruce?'" (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E04)


Penile guillotine + dignity cap (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E04)


Barrett having sex with a giant hacky sack (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E04)

  • The Amazing Race Season Grade: D-
  • "Put my Iwo in your Jima." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E05)
  • "I'll never forget how you move your body to reggae." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S01E05)
  • Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter Season Grade: C
  • "She's a filing cabinet with a hairdo." (Transparent, S02E01)
  • ♫: Alice Boman – "Waiting" (Transparent, S02E01)
  • ♫: LCD Soundsystem – "Dance Yrself Clean" (Transparent, S02E02)
  • "Canter's cole slaw, the best." (Transparent, S02E07)
  • Transparent Season Grade: C

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

49. Hostage (Fargo, S02E08)


Honourable Mention

  • Hanzee's not gonna take it anymore (Fargo, S02E08)
  • What's happened to South Park is happening everywhere (South Park, S19E09)
  • Joey Ryan and Danshoku Dino (Highly Questionable, 12-03-15)
  • Red and blue (Nathan For You, S03E07)
  • Santa Baby (Saturday Night Live, S41E07)

Stray Observations

  • "Want a baby carrot? You can't cry while you eat them. It's impossible." (The Leftovers, S02E09)
  • ♫: Sturgill Simpson – "The Promise" (The Leftovers, S02E09)
  • "Here he is, Reuben Sidsey, author of the book Anus." (Getting On, S03E04)
  • Dawn's Jackie O outfit (Getting On, S03E04)
  • "It's just a cheap attempt to rob me of my research, take my crown based on stolen and invented stool." (Getting On, S03E04)
  • "You stole 11 of my feces."
    "Oh, no such thing."
    "Waxy, wavy… I was the first to record waxy and wavy, and string bean, and nuggets." (Getting On, S03E04)
  • Mr. Freeze! (Gotham, S02E11)
  • "Can't live with them, can't turn them into cat food." (Fargo, S02E08)
  • "Consulting with a fortune teller is something a lot of Chinese people do, like using the dishwasher as a drying rack or not saying 'please.'" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E09)
  • Anachronistic DMX celebrity (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E09)
  • "There is no such thing as a best friend. That's just something Hello Kitty made up to sell more Hello Kitty." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E09)
  • "What do you recommend between the lamp chops and foie gras?"
    "Oooh, well, I mean, one's a murdered baby, the other one's a tortured adult." (Grandfathered, S01E09)
  • RT: Is there an Emmy for Casting Timothy Olyphant they can give THE GRINDER for casting Timothy Olyphant (The Grinder, S01E09)
  • "Are you hitting that?" (Empire, S02E10)
  • "Is you is or is you ain't my Mimi?" (Empire, S02E10)
  • "That fluffy couch really swallows you up. It's like sleeping on Precious." (Black-ish, S02E09)
  • "I'm all for supporting a dreamer. I am. I mean, I donated to Joe Lieberman." (Black-ish, S02E09)
  • "Seems like I made a perfectly understandable homonym error." (Black-ish, S02E09)
  • "You've got a French week." (Black-ish, S02E09)
  • Ex Machina parody (South Park, S19E09)
  • "Puerto Rico has the sluttiest birds." (The League, S07E12)
  • "Possums are basically rodent pomegranates." (The League, S07E12)
  • "She's just staring at nothing."
    "Just like one of them Peaky Blinders."
    [pause]
    "Okay, I haven't watched it yet. Jacqueline got us watching Rectify." (You're the Worst, S02E12)
  • "For most women, nails are the main way they can express to others what colour they like the most." (Nathan For You, S03E07)


Nathan has a Tom DeLonge motivational poster in his office (Nathan For You, S03E07)

  • Nathan's Asian accent (Nathan For You, S03E07)
  • "Folks at the hospital are smothered in your seed." (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E02)
  • Death by deli slicer (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E06)
  • Kyle Mooney's physique (Saturday Night Live, S41E07)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

48. Staple Gun (Getting On, S03E03)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "A doula is someone who supports you emotionally and physically and coaches you through the process."
    "Oh, I see. So sort of like a vaginal Gandalf." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E08)
  • "Prayer circle by the solar panels." (The Walking Dead, S06E07)
  • "I'm coming." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E08)
  • I call for a moratorium on using "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed (The Last Man on Earth, S02E08)
  • Why does computer-generated blood still look so terrible? (Into the Badlands, S01E02)
  • "She just wants to promote her homeopathic vaginal cream made out of oyster shells, Cocoa Puffs, and hummus." (Getting On, S03E03)
  • "The world is not at war with women."
    "I'm in Pakistan. Shoot me in the head. I'm in India. Rape me. I'm in Saudi Arabia. Don't let me drive. I'm Kenyan now. Cut out my genitalia. I'm a Filipino nanny in Dubai. Beat me." (Getting On, S03E03)
  • "Who wants to man my anal horn booth?" (Getting On, S03E03)


(WWE Raw, 11-23-15)


(WWE Raw, 11-23-15)

  • ♫: Jethro Tull – "Locomotive Breath" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • RT: One of the murdered Gerhardt affiliate characters was named Roost Bolton (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "In astronomy, the word 'revolution' means 'a celestial object that comes full circle,' which, if you think about it, is pretty funny, considering here on Earth, it means 'change.'" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "Walk her out, huh?"
    "What about you?"
    "I'm not saying don't come back…" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "So this need for conquest, you know, trying to own things that aren't meant to be owned…"
    "Like people?"
    "That's an example…" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • Ron Swanson is "The Breakfast King of Loyola," heh (Fargo, S02E07)
  • RT: Because nothing says "we are totally not transporting drugs and weapons" like naming your business Legit Trucking (Fargo, S02E07)
  • ♫: White Denim – "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "Timothy Olyphant is…Rake Grinder." (The Grinder, S01E08)
  • "The Big Easy…just got hard." (The Grinder, S01E08)
  • "That's not a baby bump. That's a poo belly!" (Scream Queens, S01E10)


Arnold Schwarzenegger's son (Scream Queens, S01E10)

  • "When you next look at this liquid, you will realize that it's not whiskey you've been drinking your whole life, but your mother's feces."
    "Sometimes this comes a bit too easily to you." (The Knick, S02E07)
  • Ping Wu orgasming while sucking Bono's daughter's toes (The Knick, S02E07)
  • "You should be pregnant!" (The Knick, S02E07)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

47. Calzone Cadaver (Nathan for You, S03E06)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Heidi Fleiss Capades." (Bob's Burgers, S06E05)


"My cover makes me invisible." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)

  • "My butt is so serious, it should be wearing spectacles." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)
  • "Okay, for the last time, Orangina is not orange soda!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)
  • "Move aside, Ed." (Gotham, S02E09)
  • Ted Danson talking about crime scene investigation (Fargo, S02E06)
  • "You're talking about farm boys, who've never been face to face with a serious man before."
    "Whereas I stared down Chiang Kai-shek." (Fargo, S02E06)
  • Karl Weathers (Fargo, S02E06)
  • ♫: Blitzen Trapper – "Man of Constant Sorrow" (Fargo, S02E06)
  • Todd pronouncing Farouk's last name (The Grinder, S01E07)
  • "Pearl Jam?! That's what I'm calling mayonnaise from now on." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Why do you look like a taxi cab?"
    "I'm straight-edge ska now. Happy skanksgiving." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Why do you smell like a Korean hotel?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Get those off the wine bottles and back on the damn gourds!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Sacagawea taught the pilgrims how to make cranberry sauce and then, like, sang 'Blue Corn Moon' or something." (Scream Queens, S01E09)
  • "Nice shirt."
    "Thank you. You know what it's made out of?"
    "What?"
    "Boyfriend material." (Scream Queens, S01E09)
  • THE BASTARD EXECUTIONER IS A DIRECT DESCENDENT OF JESUS (The Bastard Executioner, S01E10)
  • Of course Kurt Sutter's character self-immolates. Of course (The Bastard Executioner, S01E10)
  • The Bastard Executioner Season Grade: D-
  • "I respect you vloggers and bloggers and you whatevers." (Empire, S02E08)
  • "This is not a bad haircut. This is the starting five for the San Antonio Spurs." (Black-ish, S02E08)
  • "That's such a Rhonda way of looking at things." (Black-ish, S02E08)
  • ♫: The Cure – "Lullaby" (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • Rudolph Valentino is a vampire (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • F. W. Murnau is the vampire who turned Rudolph Valentino (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • "That's why I made you this condolence hummus. My own tears are mixed in with the cumin." (The League, S07E11)
  • "I heard they [Jews] chew on your shoelaces."
    "Uhhh, I think that's goats." (The League, S07E11)


"First, we find this piece of shit doctor that killed her."
"Ooh, he looks exactly like a piece of shit."
"I'm gonna be honest. I couldn't find a picture of the doctor, so I took a picture of my shit in scrubs."
"Where'd you find those little tiny scrubs?"
"Oh. No, that's a four-foot shit." (The League, S07E11)

  • "Be lei'd to rest in Hawaii." (Nathan for You, S03E06)
  • "In this post-Pearl Harbor world, people don't trust their fellow man the way they once did." (Nathan for You, S03E06)
  • "Is that…?"
    "Your spiritual centre, Ash. The place that makes you most happy."
    "Jacksonville, Florida." (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E04)
  • "I've always wanted to spend time in the city so nice they named it 'Jacksonville.'" (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E04)
  • "Jessica Jones, you are a hard-drinking, short-fused mess of a woman, but you are not a piece of shit." (Jessica Jones, S01E06)
  • "Backseat Freestyle" (Jessica Jones, S01E06)
  • "I want cake!" (Jessica Jones, S01E08)
  • "Bitches, right?" (Jessica Jones, S01E08)
  • "I got hit with a People's Choice Award." (Jessica Jones, S01E11)
  • "'Horse fetishists in Central Park.'"
    […]
    "'Magic word is wankers.'" (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • "I hope they have free express shipping in Heaven." (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • "You really are a little anal crumpet, aren't you?" (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • Jessica Jones Season Grade: D+

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

46. Brain Probe (The Knick, S02E05)


Honourable Mention

  • Secret Washroom Meeting (Getting On, S03E01)
  • Cunt (With Bob and David, S01E03)

Stray Observations

  • Gayle is EXCRUCIATING (Bob's Burgers, S06E04)
  • "I hate it when you argue. It reminds me of when my dad used to fight with my best friend, my mom." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E06)
  • RT: Typing like that, there's no way Saul knows UNIX command line (Homeland, S05E06)
  • Liquid waffle (The Last Man on Earth, S02E06)
  • The Barbet anal horn (Getting On, S03E01)
  • "I understand that you're having a tsunami, but we need to talk." (Getting On, S03E01)
  • "Who's we?"
    "Me and my Deep Throat." (Getting On, S03E01)
  • Well, this was unexpected (Fargo, S02E05)
  • The coda to Charlie being unable to go through with shooting Ed (Fargo, S02E05)
  • Reagan responding to Lou's war history with his work on a World War II movie (Fargo, S02E05)
  • ♫: The Dramatics – "Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get" (Fargo, S02E05)
  • "No pizza parties with a rat." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E07)
  • "No gyros from the food court. I don't trust meat without bones." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E07)
  • "Can I stop wearing underwear?"
    "No, we are not poets." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E07)
  • Jamie Lee Curtis re-creating her mother's shower scene in Psycho (Scream Queens, S01E08)
  • "My phone game is Dolemite, but my in-person game is Sinbad." (Black-ish, S02E07)
  • ♫: Depeche Mode – "One Caress" (American Horror Story, S05E06)
  • "Mr. Wu does not pay for pussy." (American Horror Story, S05E06)


Lady Gaga's son (American Horror Story, S05E06)

  • "You cannot trust a Jewish ninja." (South Park, S19E07)
  • "Do you even know what 'farm to table' means?" (South Park, S19E07)
  • "Mexicans: America's Pakis." (You're the Worst, S02E10)
  • "I thought all English people were fancy, but these are like Alabama English people." (You're the Worst, S02E10)
  • "I saw him sucking some dick for a Magic card." (You're the Worst, S02E10)
  • "What's the loophole?"
    "Theatre law." (Nathan for You, S03E05)
  • Roadblock: Identify Jewish food (The Amazing Race, S27E08)
  • 72 virgins (With Bob and David, S01E02)


(With Bob and David, S01E02)

  • With Bob and David Season Grade: D-

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

45. Age Progression Specialist (Nathan for You, S03E04)


Honourable Mention

  • Locking the picture (Project Greenlight, S04E08)
  • You Break It, You Buy It (Nathan for You, S03E04)
  • "Lose Yourself" debate (Master of None, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • "Why don't you put the gun down and we'll talk. Umm, have some falafel?" (The Walking Dead, S06E04)
  • Brett Butler! (The Leftovers, S02E04)
  • ♫: Regina Spektor – "Laughing With" (The Leftovers, S02E04)
  • Doctor Who's penis! (The Leftovers, S02E05)
  • Project Greenlight Season Grade: B
  • "Let me ask you a question. How long have you been a two-faced slut?" (Gotham, S02E07)
  • Death by stiletto heel (Gotham, S02E07)
  • The closing credits song – Holly Hunter sings it as a lullaby in Raising Arizona (Fargo, S02E04)
  • "I'm their Kramer." (Grandfathered, S01E05)
  • "You didn't get that line from a book, did you? You got it from a little show Entertainment Weekly called 'one of the more competent legal dramas in quite some time.'" (The Grinder, S01E05)
  • "This is not a Long Duk Dong situation." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E06)
  • Gak – "Of course there's hair in it." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E06)
  • "When I was two, what breakfast cereal did I accidentally breathe into my lungs and nearly die? …I…X."
    "Dix? You choked on dix?" (Scream Queens, S01E07)
  • "News flash, felchers. Rat poison only works because rodents don't have a gag reflex. If you gave a human rat poison, they would immediately puke it all up. So not only would I have survived your attempt on my life, it would have also made me skinnier." (Scream Queens, S01E07)
  • "Her treacherous slatch already droops like wet clay." (The Bastard Executioner, S01E08)
  • "You put me in charge."
    "No, I put you in place. Don't confuse the two." (Empire, S02E06)
  • The Burp King of Westchester is ubiquitous (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • "Bitches want pâté?" (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • "You don't lack beauty; you lack commitment." (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • ♫: Kim Carnes – "Bette Davis Eyes" (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • "Goddesses don't speak in whispers; they scream." (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • Nick Kroll clearly negotiated a reduced schedule when re-upping (The League, S07E09)
  • "I met with Cornelius Ladd, an age progression specialist I found on Craigslist." (Nathan for You, S03E04)
  • "My wife and my kids, they died in space. It was an accident." (Nathan for You, S03E04)
  • "I could be very helpful in securing a long future for you here at the Knick." [accidentally sets himself on fire] (The Knick, S02E04)
  • "I ate a lot of diapers. A lot. That dirty diaper taste in the back of your mouth, there's just nothing like it. But I'm here to say that you can have a life without walking around munching on every dirty diaper you come across." (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
  • "I'd like to sing a few songs for you, songs I knew from when I was just a little girl." [sings "Three Blind Mice"] (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
  • ♫: Original song written by Eric Wareheim and performed by Bonnie "Prince" Billy (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
  • "It's not for people to just take it and go. This isn't New Orleans." (Master of None, S01E02)
  • "Taye Diggs? He hates celery." (Master of None, S01E03)
  • "Dude, it's a Father John Misty show. There's gonna be white people everywhere." (Master of None, S01E03)
  • "'XOXO' – that's good. It means 'hugs and kisses.'"
    "No, 'XOXO' means 'go fuck yourself.'"
    "Hmm. Well, if that's true, then all the letters my grandmother wrote me ended with 'Go fuck yourself, Grandma.'" (Master of None, S01E03)
  • Booty Call! (Master of None, S01E04)
  • "Indians, Asians, gays – there can be one, but there can't be two." (Master of None, S01E04)
  • "You're being a bit of an Uncle Taj." (Master of None, S01E04)
  • "Is Mindy Kaling real?" (Master of None, S01E04)
  • Carrie Mathison is married to Stan Beeman (Master of None, S01E05)
  • "Batman has a Batmobile. Thor has a Thor-mobile."
    "I don't think he does." (Master of None, S01E05)
  • "Colin Salmon is Car-man." (Master of None, S01E05)
  • Television Episode of the Year nominee (Master of None, S01E09)
  • "I'm over here trying to listen to my CM Punk interview, dude." (Master of None, S01E10)
  • Master of None Season Grade: C+

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

44. Porn? (Nathan for You, S03E03)


Honourable Mention

  • Jessica tries to punish the teen boys (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • Devil's Night dinner (American Horror Story, S05E04)

Stray Observations

  • "He's clearly the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot, Harry Pop-tart." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E05)
  • "My waffle xylophone on the cheese man."
    "What?"
    "My lip reading is not flawless." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E05)
  • Rickroll! (The Leftovers, S02E04)
  • ♫: Lo-Fang – "You're the One That I Want" (The Leftovers, S02E04)


(The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)

  • "Look at this dumb outfit I borrowed from Melissa. This needs, like, a pineapple on it, or a giraffe, or children sliding down a rainbow. I mean, this is not me." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)
  • "So I pulled a gun on him – you guys know I do that from time to time." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)


"A mallet. That's, uhhh, useful." (Gotham, S02E06)

  • "Say, you wouldn't by any chance be Mike Milligan and the Kitchen brothers, would you?
    "You make us sound like a prog rock band." (Fargo, S02E03)
  • "We're a very friendly people."
    "Pretty unfriendly, actually. But it's the way you're unfriendly, how you're so polite about it, like you're doing me a favour." (Fargo, S02E03)
  • "I am not a crook." (Fargo, S02E03)
  • "Don't you want to experience the one thing white people do better than us?"
    "Begging for candy in a disguise to hide your shame?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "I'm going as Humpty Hump from the Digital Underground."
    "I love Burger King bathrooms!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "Tic Tacs to the face! Tic tacs in your face!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "She's so cool."
    "I bet she drinks Zima." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)


"UPS delivery lamb. Nice costume, Emery. You too, Evan. A lazy goalie."
[…]
"Go on. Deliver that goalie." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)


(Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)

  • "Aren't you embarrassed? A grown woman dressed as a pig?"
    "I'm Miss Piggy. Kermit's girlfriend?"
    "Pigs don't date. Pigs feed a crowd at a reasonable price." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • The Mask = "Jazz Gumby." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "Jeff friggin' Lynne…" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "What are thooooooose?!" (Black-ish, S02E06)
  • "They're just children. They don't have arts programs. They can't help themselves." (Black-ish, S02E06)
  • "Your refrigerator game has exploded in the last 5-7 years." (Black-ish, S02E06)
  • 1999: Tweek vs. Craig. 2015: Tweek x Craig (South Park, S19E06)
  • "Wow. Our town has only had a Whole Foods for three weeks and we already have our first gay kids." (South Park, S19E06)
  • "The Asians decide who's gonna be gay?" (South Park, S19E06)
  • Karaoke video (South Park, S19E06)
  • "He's a genius, like Galileo or Peter Frampton." (American Horror Story, S05E04)
  • "I don't eat salad."
    "Jeffrey likes dark meat." (American Horror Story, S05E04)
  • "What am I supposed to do without a quarterback?"
    "I dunno… Pick up Andy Dalton off the waiver wire."
    "You know that I'm a card-carrying member of the ADL."
    "What is the ADL?"
    "The Andy Defamation League, where I get together with a group of people and talk shit about Andy Dalton." (The League, S07E08)
  • "We missed you at the bibimbapluck." (The League, S07E08)
  • The book is available on Amazon for $11 (Nathan for You, S03E03)
  • "Chapter 9: Baboons." (Nathan for You, S03E03)
  • "A while ago, I was working with a jungle child. His name was Dendy. He was a great inspiration for me. Unfortunately, he tragically died when baboons kidnapped and ate him." (Nathan for You, S03E03)


(Nathan for You, S03E03)

  • "I'm just about to haul noogies." (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E01)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

43. Man Zone (Nathan for You, S03E02)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Angel hair? That's the least scary pasta." (Bob's Burgers, S06E03)
  • "Who wants to be a Yoda?" (The Simpsons, S27E04)
  • "Grown-up Halloween seemed pretty fun."
    "I saw an areola!" (The Simpsons, S27E04)
  • "We only solve misdemeanors, wieners." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E04)
  • "Women love planning parties. It's in the Bible." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E04)
  • "Not today, nibs!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E04)
  • "This preamble is making me nibby." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E04)
  • Eating raw turtle (The Walking Dead, S06E02)
  • "Who wants a hug?" (The Leftovers, S02E03)
  • ♫: Tangled Eye – "Jesus I'm Calling" (The Leftovers, S02E03)
  • "Cheese will make you feel better." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E04)
  • "Their friendship is worth way more than this cheese." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E04)
  • The Merc, the warehouse where all the local criminals buy their weapons (Gotham, S02E05)
  • "Can we get a price check on brass knuckles in toxic green?" (Gotham, S02E05)
  • ♫: Burl Ives – "One Hour Ahead of the Posse" (Fargo, S02E02)
  • ♫: Jeff Wayne – "The Eve of War" (Fargo, S02E02)
  • "Enjoy your childhood, because when you grow up, the world will be out of water." (Grandfathered, S01E04)
  • "I love Space Mountain, but I love my penis more." (Scream Queens, S01E06)
  • A quartering! (The Bastard Executioner, S01E07)
  • Jake Tapper (Empire, S02E05)
  • "The only commandments I want followed here are mine." (Empire, S02E05)
  • "You're asking me to come and watch somebody dunk you in tap water." (Empire, S02E05)
  • "We're CEO churchgoers at best."
    "What does that mean?"
    "Christmas and Easter only." (Black-ish, S02E05)
  • "I don't want to go to a place worse than hell. I've already been to a WNBA game." (Black-ish, S02E05)
  • "God's everywhere – except WNBA games. Nobody goes to those." (Black-ish, S02E05)
  • "Is it crazy that this is one of the best Sundays I've had in a while? I mean, ever since Jack made me give up those WNBA tickets." (Black-ish, S02E05)
  • WNBA joke overkill (Black-ish, S02E05)
  • Bernie Madoff swindled Lady Gaga (American Horror Story, S05E03)
  • ♫: The Jesus and Mary Chain – "Just Like Honey" (American Horror Story, S05E03)
  • ♫: The Cure – "Siamese Twins" (American Horror Story, S05E03)
  • "No pity party in my bar!" (American Horror Story, S05E03)
  • Denis O'Hare referencing Lawrence Harvey, his character in S01 (American Horror Story, S05E03)
  • Chris Geere's pronunciation of "hakuna matata" (You're the Worst, S02E07)


(Nathan for You, S03E02)


The gun shop clerk's text tone is the "uh oh" notification noise from ICQ (Nathan for You, S03E02)


Flying scarecrow (Nathan for You, S03E02)

  • "As the evening fog rolled in over the Malibu hills, I couldn't help but feel like it might just be the white breath of God opening his mouth to say, 'Nice work.'" (Nathan for You, S03E02)


(Nathan for You, S03E02)


(Nathan for You, S03E02)

  • "Virginity is a man's idea, meant to shame." (The Knick, S02E02)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


42. Boogers and Cum (South Park, S19E04)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I want people to think I'm spicy and fun and dangerous."
    "Like a bullet made of chorizo?" (Bob's Burgers, S06E02)
  • "'See you soon, baboon.' Wait, spice it up. 'See you soon, bitch.' Too spicy, too spicy." (Bob's Burgers, S06E02)


(Bob's Burgers, S06E02)

  • "How do you explain this? I found it in your room."
    "A bandana – flair for your microphone stand? [gasps] You're joining Aerosmith!" (Bob's Burgers, S06E02)
  • "Oh my god, they're fife-ing toward us!" (Bob's Burgers, S06E02)
  • "It's not harassment unless you can prove intent to fart." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E03)
  • "This one says 'die pig,' and worst of all, they didn't put the comma between 'die' and 'pig.'" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E03)
  • "We'll do it live." (The Walking Dead, S06E01)
  • Mary Steenburgen has now played both Will Ferrell's mother and his lover (The Last Man on Earth, S02E03)
  • "Just as I was about to become yet another canyon handstand statistic…" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E03)
  • "This is him dead. And this is him dead closer. This is Tandy dead as close as I could bear to draw." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E03)
  • Tandy shooting Skittles out of his nose, trying to land them in a top hat (The Last Man on Earth, S02E03)
  • "I want you to… 'I'm gonna burn your fucking pricks off, you pieces of shit.'"
    "'Burn your dicks off.' I'm saying 'dicks,' is that all right?"
    "You should say 'pricks.'"
    "Why do you like 'pricks' better than 'dicks'?" (Project Greenlight, S04E05)
  • Vic Mackey forming a strike team (Gotham, S02E04)
  • "You're the comic in a piece of bubble gum." (Fargo, S02E01)
  • ♫: Fargo's showrunner covering the Sirens' song in O Brother, Where Art Thou? (Fargo, S02E01)
  • "Cream of pork? In the summer?"
    "It was chilled!" (Grandfathered, S01E03)
  • Jeremy Lin (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E04)


(Fresh Off the Boat, S02E04)

  • Orange Is the New Black (Scream Queens, S01E05)
  • "Spit-roasting you caused my brother and I to fall in love with you. Neither of us are content with sharing you anymore."
    "You need to choose one of us."
    "Pick a side of the Eiffel Tower." (Scream Queens, S01E05)
  • "You shouldn't worry about me. I'm like black Die Hard." (Scream Queens, S01E05)
  • Oakland nachos = chocolate syrup drizzled on tortilla chips? (Scream Queens, S01E05)
  • "I must confess, I am more legend than lore." (The Bastard Executioner, S01E06)
  • "How'd you get in here?"
    "What are you talking about? I slept in the guest room with the twins." (Empire, S02E04)
  • "What is that?"
    "It's your basic corpse detection system." (Empire, S02E04)


Hey, it's where I lived during college! (Modern Family, S07E04)

  • "Basically, it's [Father's Day] the Hanukkah of Mother's Day." (Black-ish, S02E04)
  • "If we cannot sell this idea stateside, how on Earth are we gonna sell Ramadad?" (Black-ish, S02E04)
  • "Yelling is caring." (Black-ish, S02E04)
  • "But the street parking wasn't that great. Two-and-a-half stars." (South Park, S19E04)
  • Chloë Sevigny's stern lecture to an anti-vaxxer mother (American Horror Story, S05E02)
  • The Shining much? (Scream Queens, S01E05 / American Horror Story, S05E02)
  • "Ponchos are forever." (American Horror Story, S05E02)
  • "What a glorious stain." (American Horror Story, S05E02)
  • "You know what I can't wait for? To hunt Kendall Jenner. Bitch blew me off once at Coachella." (American Horror Story, S05E02)
  • The Countess dancing (American Horror Story, S05E02)




(American Horror Story, S05E02)

  • "We'll figure it out together. We both aren't in relationships. We don't have a love life."
    "That's true."
    "So you have time to do this." (Nathan for You, S03E01)
  • "In my efforts to take down Best Buy, I became the worst guy." (Nathan for You, S03E01)
  • Larry David as Bernie Sanders (Saturday Night Live, S41E03)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


41. Guns (Saturday Night Live, S41E02)


Stray Observations

  • This Is England '90 Season Grade: B-
  • "I'll bet you don't even like nip slips!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E02)
  • "Once again Scully's butt is the downfall of this precinct." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E01)
  • "I can learn to love nip slips." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E02)
  • Fear the Walking Dead Season Grade: D+
  • For your consideration: Kevin Carroll (The Leftovers, S02E01)
  • Darius McCrary and Mark Linn-Baker – TGIF-overs (The Leftovers, S02E01)
  • ♫: Accordion "Informer" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E02)
  • Will Ferrell (The Last Man on Earth, S02E02)
  • "Oh, farts." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E02)


(The Last Man on Earth, S02E02)


(Cutthroat Kitchen, S09E08)

  • The Strain Season Grade: D
  • "Being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets." (Rick and Morty, S02E10)
  • "The whole planet's on a cob!" (Rick and Morty, S02E10)
  • ♫: Nine Inch Nails – "Hurt" (Rick and Morty, S02E10)
  • Rick and Morty Season Grade: B
  • "Shyamalan…" (Grandfathered, S01E02)
  • "Shaquila." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E03)
  • "There are worse situations to be in, right?"
    "Like AIDS, you mean?" (The Grinder, S01E02)
  • "I don't understand what you're getting at. Are you on bath salts?" (Scream Queens, S01E04)
  • "I refuse to die hungry." (Scream Queens, S01E04)
  • "Ain't no toppin' me…pause." (Empire, S02E03)
  • "What would you say is your favourite crab-based saying?" (Black-ish, S02E03)
  • "Profession listed as 'Oscar blogger.'" (American Horror Story, S05E01)



(American Horror Story, S05E01)

  • ♫: She Wants Revenge (American Horror Story, S05E01)
  • Hidden Tetris and candy room (American Horror Story, S05E01)
  • ♫: "Hotel California" (American Horror Story, S05E01)
  • Evidently, DraftKings paid for a whole season of product placement (The League, S07E05)
  • The burp king of Westchester (The League, S07E05)
  • "Jimmy, you're not writing recaps, are you?"
    "Oh, Jimmy, are you grading this episode?" (You're the Worst, S02E05)
  • "Ugh, that sausage wallet. I hope she gets pregnancy 'roids and they leave her bedridden and I have to raise her baby myself. I'd parent the shit out of her. 'Wear that skirt. Don't blow that boy. This is pizza.'" (You're the Worst, S02E05)


(You're the Worst, S02E05)

  • "I didn't even get to see the cool parts of Iraq. I was in Fallujah, which is basically their San Diego." (You're the Worst, S02E05)

#clipoftheweek



Soon?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

40. End of the Road (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E02)


Honourable Mention

  • The Last Supper (The Is England '90, S01E03)
    [shot in two takes, the first of which was half an hour long]
  • Salt Lake City Sneaker Fetishist (True Life: My Fetish Is Ruining My Life)
  • CtPaTown Ad (South Park, S19E03)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: Evangelist – "Whirlwind of Rubbish" (The Is England '90, S01E03)
  • "We've uploaded police academy to your brain – the movies and the actual training."
    "They are funny, except for 5." (Bob's Burgers, S06E01)
  • "He and mom are hitting it off like peanut butter and Jerry. You know, the kid from school who has peanut butter every day? Jerry?" (Bob's Burgers, S06E01)
  • "Oooh. I just got the weirdest feeling inside."
    "Could be salmonella. That's what most weird feelings inside are."
    "No, it's like, uhh, something got on the wrong track a long time ago."
    "It could also be diarrhea." (Bob's Burgers, S06E01)
  • "Hi. Gina Linetti, the human form of the 100 emoji." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E01)
  • "No, Madeline, I don't have my own pigeon pants." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E01)
  • "Let's blow some tiny minds." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E01)
  • Atticus Ross getting a main title theme credit for one note (Fear the Walking Dead, S01E05)
  • "I'm an addict."
    "No, you are a heroin addict. That's the gold standard. Don't sell yourself short." (Fear the Walking Dead, S01E05)
  • "What part of 'I'm setting my gems' do you not understand?" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E01)
  • Phil blasting M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" in the car with the song's gunshot samples drowning out Carol's actual gunshots (The Last Man on Earth, S02E01)
  • "Today, I made for you Far East China Sesame Chicken. It's no vegetable because they so poor in far east China." (Cutthroat Kitchen, S09E07)
  • ♫: Tony! Toni! Toné! – "Feels Good" (Rick and Morty, S02E09)
  • "Four lunatics and Barbara?" (Gotham, S02E02)
  • Edward Nygma Stefan Urquelle-ing (Gotham, S02E02)
  • "I'm a 50-year-old bachelor. We're society's most worthless people." (Grandfathered, S01E01)
  • "That's the saddest sentence I've ever heard. It's like a poem." (Grandfathered, S01E01)
  • "I'm cool. I watch Portlandia. I almost went to Coachella last year until I decided not to." (Grandfathered, S01E01)
  • "You look a little young for a doctor. Could you get someone older? Asian if you got it." (Grandfathered, S01E01)
  • "What part of 'hashtag teen life' do you not understand?" (The Grinder, S01E01)
  • Rob Lowe dropping a "literally" (The Grinder, S01E01)
  • "My cheese tool!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E02)
  • "Horse dumplings!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E02)
  • "I don't think that's cute. I think it's freaky. It's like a curse. It's like this poor baby angered some witch who cursed her to be trapped in a cabbage body, and now she needs an emperor's kiss to release her from the curse, but the emperors are gone, replaced by democracy, so this poor cabbage baby is left alone in the fields to be pecked at by crows, and then a photographer comes along, and he takes a photograph of her, and he sells it for lots of money, but he leaves her alone to a life of misery, for who could ever love a cabbage-faced baby?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E02)
  • "Enough Little Man Boys!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E02)
  • "I thought you might like this alarm clock better. The lazy dog tells you when to get up." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E02)
  • Ed Sheeran (The Bastard Executioner, S01E04)
  • Death by chicken drumstick (The Bastard Executioner, S01E04)
  • This show's take on a teenage hipster… (Modern Family, S07E02)
  • "My partner Clyde told me." (Empire, S02E02)
  • "We had one white girl, one black girl, and one Hispanic. I'm-a call them 'Rainbow Sensation.'" (Empire, S02E02)
  • "Anika knows marketing. She made a whole career selling her ass."
    "Oh, as opposed to you and your stellar career in pharmaceuticals?" (Empire, S02E02)
  • "Thirsty Rawlings." (Empire, S02E02)
  • Oh. Clyde is Petey Pablo's character (Empire, S02E02)
  • "Shower machete?" (Black-ish, S02E02)
  • "That makes it look like you ate Eddie Murphy." (Black-ish, S02E02)
  • "Somebody's in the house."
    "Then why are we in here? What's dad gonna do? Suck salsa off the burglar's shirt?"
    "Don't worry, guys. I know karate. Mop the floor! Mop the floor!" (Black-ish, S02E02)
  • "Let's go child labour force, let's go!" (South Park, S19E03)
  • "The Villas at Kenny's House." (South Park, S19E03)
  • "Juices?!"
    "What's wrong with that? What are you gonna call it?"
    "I call it 'love foam.'"
    […]
    "It's called 'brine," because it's salty and it tenderizes meat." (The League, S07E04)
  • The music composer for the film Whiplash wrote this episode (The League, S07E04)
  • "Scrambled eggs? A dish so pedestrian its name is the recipe?" (You're the Worst, S02E04)
  • "Nathan and Tall Nathan are from a local comedy school, and they're gonna be teaching us a lesson in improv. Studies show that this can help with trauma-induced anxiety."
    "We know what you've all been through, and we're sensitive to it. [pause] Okay, let's start. Who wants to play a gay banana?" (You're the Worst, S02E04)
  • "I stopped you from investing in Sufjan Stevens' broth restaurant." (You're the Worst, S02E04)
  • Lindsay scraping microwaved semen into a coffee mug (You're the Worst, S02E04)
  • "Sandwich, Massachusetts." (Review, S02E10)
  • Review Season Grade: B
  • "I'm preparing the butter to sauté you in." (Shark Tank, S07E02)
  • RT: A lady on Shark Tank is crying about her eyelash extension business. It's not weird at all. Not thinking about Lexapro right now. (Shark Tank, S07E02)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

39. Ariana Grande's Death (Scream Queens, S01E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations


"Kelly, bless you, my child." (This Is England '90, S01E02)

  • ♫: Evangelist – "Never Feel This Young" (This Is England '90, S01E02)
  • ♫: Evangelist – "God Song" (This Is England '90, S01E02)
  • ♫: Ludovico Einaudi – "Experience" (This Is England '90, S01E02)
  • "I don't care about three-act structure. I think it's eroding cinema." (Project Greenlight, S04E02)
  • "Has anyone ever asked you to try to make it look like what it would look like if you shot having removed the anti-halation layer of the film?" (Project Greenlight, S04E02)
  • How did I not see the ending? (Fear the Walking Dead, S01E04)
  • Guest starring Werner Herzog (Rick and Morty, S02E08)
  • "I've dwelt among the humans. Their entire culture is built around their penises. It's funny to say they are small, it's funny to say they are big. I've been at parties where humans have held bottles, pencils, Thermoses in front of themselves and called out, 'Hey, look at me, I'm Mr. So-and-so Dick. I've got such and such for a penis.' I never saw it fail to get a laugh." (Rick and Morty, S02E08)
  • BBC preview (Rick and Morty, S02E08)
  • Both episodes open with "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed (Fear the Walking Dead, S01E04; Gotham, S02E01)
  • Chad Velcoro (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E01)
  • RT: Reebok Pumps were played out by 95 (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E01)
  • "All the franchise power players are gonna be there. I need to make a good impression. Which one's Louis Huang? Ohhh, he's the steakhouse owner in the sharkskin suit."
    "Or he's the Chinese guy." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E01)
  • "Dolla dolla bag." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E01)
  • The family riding Gatorworld's parking lot tram because the mother didn't want to pay for admission to Gatorworld – I did this at Disneyland! (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E01)
  • The Mask was released in 1994 – the boys would recognize (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E01)
  • Eddie Huang Is Not Narrating Fresh Off the Boat Anymore – I didn't notice (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E01)
  • Both episodes open with a "1995" title card (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E01; Scream Queens, S01E01)
  • "I am not missing 'Waterfalls' for this." (Scream Queens, S01E01)
  • "She smells like hot dog water and probably sprained her neck giving blumpkins down at the local bowling alley." (Scream Queens, S01E01)
  • "I got my first boner watching Faces of Death." (Scream Queens, S01E01)
  • "How did you get HPV? When were you in Mexico?" (Scream Queens, S01E01)
  • "You're so confident without being mean. What anti-depressants are you on?" (Scream Queens, S01E01)
  • Sleepaway Camp III death (Scream Queens, S01E01)
  • Predatory Lez = Tumblr (Scream Queens, S01E02)
  • "Yeah, Jeets." (Scream Queens, S01E02)
  • "Name one bad thing that ever happened at a Best Buy parking lot." (Scream Queens, S01E02)
  • "Your father is a tampon." (Empire, S02E01)
  • Cookie cutting off Al Sharpton (Empire, S02E01)
  • Don Lemon (Empire, S02E01)
  • Chris Rock playing a gangsta (Empire, S02E01)
  • Marisa Tomei Shmoney dance (Empire, S02E01)
  • Marisa Tomei dancing with Anika (Empire, S02E01)
  • "Spit something for me."
    "He in jail. Do it." (Empire, S02E01)
  • "I thought I told you to sleep with her."
    "I did."
    "You can't even dyke right." (Empire, S02E01)
  • "Why are you playing with my wigs?" (Empire, S02E01)
  • Chris Rock playing a gangsta cannibal (Empire, S02E01)
  • "Why you looking like Mr. T?" (Empire, S02E01)
  • "Who's messing with us?"
    "That skinny Hannibal Idi Amin." (Empire, S02E01)
  • "I'm-a sign your baby girl, and then I'm-a slip her my bone." (Empire, S02E01)


"The neck is the V." (Modern Family, S07E01)

  • "I suppose you have a thing for Canadian girls, huh? Is that it? You've got maple fever?" (South Park, S19E02)
  • ♫: Men Without Hats – "The Safety Dance" (South Park, S19E02)
  • RT: After last night's DraftKings plug on "The League," it'll be impossible to criticize any other show for selling out ever again (The League, S07E03)
  • "It's on like Dong Kong." (The League, S07E03)
  • Friends of the People Season Grade: C-

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


38. At the Mercy of the Magic 8-Ball (Review, S02E08)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Coffee whip (This Is England '90, S01E01)
  • "It's called 'sniff-banging.'" (This Is England '90, S01E01)


Computer-generated Los Angeles street sign (Fear the Walking Dead, S01E03)

  • RT: Wait. Wait. Wait. The city is getting overrun by vampires and the mayor is concerned about his approval ratings after a 1% "protection tax"? (The Strain, S02E10)
  • "Our school is vampire-free."
    "Man, who would've suspected Coach Feratu?" (Rick and Morty, S02E07)
  • "Why was Knight Rider called 'Knight Rider'? The car's name was KITT. Nobody rode Michael Knight." (Rick and Morty, S02E07)
  • "Listen to it, Tiny Rick. Listen to Elliott Smith." (Rick and Morty, S02E07)
  • Triple H's dancing (WWE Raw, 09-14-15)
  • The ax strike in the title sequence (The Bastard Executioner, S01E01)
  • Katey Sagal's accent (The Bastard Executioner, S01E01)
  • Kurt Sutter cast himself in the flashiest role (The Bastard Executioner, S01E01)
  • CLAUDIA?! (MasterChef, S06E20)
  • MasterChef Season Grade: D
  • "There was an incident at the school last week involving a student referring to rape as a 'hot Cosby.'" (South Park, S19E01)
  • "Cartman got four days detention for calling Heidi Turner 'clitty litter.'" (South Park, S19E01)


Margaret (The League, S07E02)

  • "I love oysters, 'cause it's like little salty pussies on a shell." (The League, S07E02)
  • "This is a classic 'snake drawing its own hand.'" (Review, S02E08)
  • Eric Andre (Friends of the People, S02E09)
  • "I'm testifying on behalf of Kenny 'cause you dropped all of my Digimon cards in the bathtub."
    "I lost my grip, dude. They're made of very slippery paper." (Friends of the People, S02E09)
  • "Jesus died for our sins, but you didn't even go to your own mother's funeral, because you had tickets to Mudvayne." (Friends of the People, S02E09)

#clipoftheweek


Looking forward:

Sorry, Comedy Bang! Bang!. 80 episodes is it for me.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

37. Seth Rollins wanders around backstage yelling STING GIVE ME BACK MY STATUE, Xavier Woods plays the Final Fantasy victory fanfare on the trombone, The New Day engages in a trombone vs. kazoo battle with Edge and Christian, Big E tries to eat a kazoo, The Dudley Boyz show up (WWE Raw, 09-07-15)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • A special title sequence just for this episode (The Strain, S02E09)
  • "Guns and Neosporin – you need both around the house at all times." (The Carmichael Show, S01E06)
  • "I'm trying to find The Mindy Project. Which channel is Hulu?" (The Carmichael Show, S01E06)
  • The Carmichael Show Season Grade: D+
  • "Negrotown? What, like Atlanta?" (Key and Peele, S05E10)
  • Key and Peele Season Grade: C-
  • "Just a good old-fashioned garlic bread butt shove." (The League, S07E01)
  • John Schneider (The League, S07E01)
  • "Remember when you were talking about the spatial layout of Costco? Who's gonna walk right in and buy a TV? I said that!"
    "I feel that way too about Costco!" (Review, S02E07)
  • Heather Morris (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E30)
  • "I knew he was a man the moment I saw him drinking that Dr. Pepper Ten." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E30)
  • "I can't believe you're all witches. Misogyny was right." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E30)
  • "Silkk the Sock Puppet." (Friends of the People, S02E08)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

36. A Kingdom of Bullshit (Mr. Robot, S01E10)

RT: We shot in Times Square at 2 am the night before 4th of July


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations


Stark family tree challenge (King of the Nerds [UK], S01E08)

  • King of the Nerds [UK] Season Grade: D
  • Fake-out count: 3 (Fear the Walking Dead, S01E02)
  • "You were right. I was wrong."
    "Heh. Oka—"
    "Okayseeya." (The Strain, S02E08)
  • Show Me a Hero Series Grade: C+
  • Guest starring Stephen Colbert, Nathan Fielder, and Alan Tudyk (Rick and Morty, S02E06)
  • "I masturbated to an extra curvy piece of driftwood the other day!" (Rick and Morty, S02E06)
  • "Do not get rid of my gay golden goose. Do you know how many big time endorsement opportunities there are out there for him? CEO of Apple Computers – gay. Host of Ellen – gay." (The Carmichael Show, S01E04)
  • "If I went to a party and I run into Caitlyn Jenner, and Caitlyn Jenner steps on my shoe, am I allowed to punch Caitlyn Jenner?" (The Carmichael Show, S01E04)
  • "Don't worry. The woman trapped inside of him will tell the man what to do." (The Carmichael Show, S01E04)
  • "It's called 'multiverse theory,' and it suggests that there are an infinite number of universes in which I didn't have sex with that white woman." (Key and Peele, S05E09)
  • RT: The Ashley Madison line was in the script (Mr. Robot, S01E10)
  • ♫: Time Zone – "World Destruction (feat. John Lydon)" (Mr. Robot, S01E10)
  • ♫: The Jim Carroll Band – "People Who Died" (Mr. Robot, S01E10)
  • "I don't know who you think you're talking to, but I'll try the Pradas next." (Mr. Robot, S01E10)
  • "I'm only supposed to be your prophet. You're supposed to be my god." (Mr. Robot, S01E10)
  • ♫: Alabama Shakes – "Sound and Color" (Mr. Robot, S01E10)
  • RT: The post-credit one-shot at the end is spectacular. The lighting challenges are mind boggling (Mr. Robot, S01E10)
  • Mr. Robot Season Grade: B
  • "Fish don't eat wallets." (Review, S02E06)
  • "The poverty you're about to see may be disturbing to your first-world sensibilities."
    "There's a first-generation PlayStation. Whoa. Their dog is a chicken." (Documentary Now!, S01E03)
  • "Do you also have loved ones who've been taken?"
    "Yeah, we've lost friends too… A lot of people, to, uh, the urban farming boom. They left Brooklyn and went to Detroit." (Documentary Now!, S01E03)
  • Ty Dolla $ign (Documentary Now!, S01E03)
  • "Give yourself some credit, MyPhone."
    "Yeah. Your child laborer made you better than that." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E29)
  • The Twitter and Angry Birds that hover around MyPhone's head after the stairs jump (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E29)
  • "Craft services: Fabrice Fabrice." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E29)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


35. The Ballad of Ice-T (Rick and Morty, S02E05)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "If Kendall Jenner can run a fucking company, so can we." (Ballers, S01E10)
  • John Cena and The Rock both showed their butts on camera this summer (Ballers, S01E10)
  • Ballers Season Grade: F
  • "You people haven't heard of The-Dream?" (Rick and Morty, S02E05)
  • "Jews rule! …Nobody? Okay, tough church." (Rick and Morty, S02E05)
  • "Hi, folks. Head priest Vagina." (Rick and Morty, S02E05)
  • "Can you fly a Black Hawk?"
    "Can the Pope's dick fit through a doughnut?"
    "Uhhh, I'm…not sure?"
    "Exactly." (Rick and Morty, S02E05)
  • "The heads disqualified Vagina!" (Rick and Morty, S02E05)


(WWE Tough Enough, S06E10)

  • Directed by Ti West (Scream, S01E09)
  • "You did not see George Zimmerman at a Dave and Busters!" (The Carmichael Show, S01E02)
  • "You touched my dick." (Key and Peele, S05E08)
  • "His name is 'Ace Shrift.' It is an anagram for 'catfisher.'"
    […]
    "You know that your name is an anagram for 'farce shit,' right?" (Review, S02E05)
  • "I did an image search on www.google.com." (Review, S02E05)
  • "You punched the money!" (Survivor's Remorse, S02E02)
  • "You see how white people treat you?"
    "Shut the fuck up, man."
    "There's still one in the room." (Survivor's Remorse, S02E02)
  • "What 'sanctimonious' mean?"
    "White." (Survivor's Remorse, S02E02)
  • "Next up, Fresh Air with Terry Gross and her guest, homosexual David Sedaris. He's talking about his new gender-neutral version of The Mikado." (Survivor's Remorse, S02E02)
  • "Thought she was sanctimonious and white."
    "Turns out she was sanctimonious and black."
    "There's got to be a word for that."
    "Yeah, 'reverend.'" (Survivor's Remorse, S02E02)


(Race to Escape, S01E06)

  • Race to Escape Season Grade: B
  • "When life becomes maddeningly polite, think about me. Think about me, Will. Don't worry about me." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "Will, was it good to see me?" (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "I'd pack my bags if I were you, Bedelia. Meat's back on the menu." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • RT: The highlight of our gag reel is Raul Esparza in that makeup doing Fire Marshal Bill (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "Do please tell Frederick if you see him, I wish a speedy convalescence, and I hope he won't be very ugly." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "You died in my kitchen, Alana, when you chose to be brave. Every moment since is borrowed. Your wife, your child, they belong to me. You made a bargain for Will's life, and then I spun you gold." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "My compassion for you is inconvenient, Will." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "Save yourself, kill them all." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • Siouxsie Sioux wrote an original song for the finale (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • Hannibal Season Grade: B+

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

34. The Great Red Dragon bites Chilton's lips off (Hannibal, S03E12)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Humans Season Grade: D
  • Maalox and Stoli (Show Me a Hero, S01E02)
  • "Shut up, Hamurai. Shut up, Amish Cyborg. What is this, '90s Conan?" (Rick and Morty, S02E04)
  • "AIDS!" (Rick and Morty, S02E04)
  • "My dick got chopped off. Like gristle off a Thanksgiving turkey. I got a gristle dick." (Key and Peele, S05E07)
  • RT: "The 1st, clear Pulp Fiction reference in tonight's Mr Robot was cool. The 2nd, less obvious one (Elliot's line on platform) was phenomenal" (Mr. Robot, S01E09)
  • "Where Is My Mind?" – heh (Mr. Robot, S01E09)
  • Mall store name: Warm Subject (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E27)
  • Matt Besser's Björk (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E27)
  • "Is Hannibal in love with me?" (Hannibal, S03E12)
  • "You are the Devil himself, bound in the pit."
    "And that makes you God, Jack."
    "Yes, it does."
    "All gods demand sacrifices." (Hannibal, S03E12)

#clipoftheweek