46. Bachelorette Party Mantasy (Friends of the People, S01E03)
Adjustable Bed (Getting On, S02E01)
The Untold History of Urkel (Friends of the People, S01E03)
Black Wolverine (Friends of the People, S01E03)
Sexytime Opening Montage (Sons of Anarchy, S07E10)
Sport Science.0 (Tosh.0, 11-11-14)
"Roll With Me" (Key and Peele, S04E08)
Make Out (The Eric Andre Show, S03E02)
Kendrick Lamar – "i" (Saturday Night Live, S40E06)
"Drink the ranch! Drink the ranch!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E06)
"Everyone likes to be the little spoon. It makes you feel safe. Carl, back me up on this."
"Yes, little spoon all the way." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E06)
"Look, my job is to make you prove he did it. It's the basis of our entire justice system. What, you think John Adams was just some idiot?"
"No, I think John Adams was a mini-series I didn't watch because it looked like a book." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E06)
(Mr. Pickles, S01E08)
Death by paper cutter blade (Gotham, S01E08)
"Young man, business suit, esophagus lacerated from index cards shoved down his throat." (Gotham, S01E08)
Bruce using his father's watch as knuckles (Gotham, S01E08)
"He tried to kill me."
(Toast of London, S02E02)
"That's right. He did. He tried to kill you. Just you remember that next time you see him – and you remember that I let him try. [to Bruce] Now let's get some ice on those knuckles. What do you fancy for your dinner?"
"Pizza. Superb choice, Master Bruce." (Gotham, S01E08)
"It's not that I love fighting, but I'm not afraid to either." (Gotham, S01E08)
"So. Your dad's in politics? Is he a Republican or a Democrat?"
"He wears a tie." (MasterChef Junior, S02E02)
"I'm terrible at lying; I'm terrific at make believe." (New Girl, S04E07)
"I just cried on my penis while I was peeing. That happened." (New Girl, S04E07)
"It's a very hard time to be gay. Girls are wearing scarves and boots. They have so many layers to them. What is underneath all those layers? I want to find out."
"Are you blaming autumn?" (New Girl, S04E07)
"Can we agree that this not the most mature way to handle things, even though it's pretty fun?"
"It's no fun a couple bellinis and a round of Apples to Apples can't solve."
"What kind of gay are you?"
"I'm still finding it." (New Girl, S04E07)
"What's women?" (New Girl, S04E07)
"So what kind of guys do you like to date?"
"Ripped nerds. Sleepy guys. We in the gay community call them 'drowsers.'" (New Girl, S04E07)
"The fructose burns my throat." (Friends of the People, S01E03)
Marilyn Manson ass-raping Juice (Sons of Anarchy, S07E10)
Marilyn Manson reading love poems by Emily Brontë to Juice (Sons of Anarchy, S07E10)
"I don't have molars." (Black-ish, S01E07)
"I'm about to make it rain up in the comic book store!" (Black-ish, S01E07)
"It's like when I had tuberculosis and you took me out to the Utah desert!" (American Horror Story, S04E06)
"If there isn't a divider, stand outside her." (The League, S06E11)
"Ride with me, my breadless horseman." (The League, S06E11)
"No cheese could realistically be inserted up an anus." (Babylon, S01E01)
"I know I'm looking a little chub, but I'm preparing for the lead role in Precious: Part 2 – Precious with a Dick." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E02)
"Morpheus drinking a 40 in a death basket." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E02)
Funyuns flag (Saturday Night Live, S40E06)
Live-action Butters (South Park, S18E07)
45. Freemium Gaming 101 (South Park, S18E06)
Gentrify Rap (Friends of the People, S01E02)
I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy 2014 (Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11-04-14)
Bleachers – "Rollercoaster" (Conan, 11-06-14)
"The girls' bathroom is nice. Each stall has a tiny metal mailbox. I'm glad I was carrying around that postcard for Ken." (Bob's Burgers, S05E02)
"We don't know if that's water or urine you're lying in."
"I think it's just water. Yeah, water. No, pee." (Bob's Burgers, S05E02)
"She got catfished by a box." (Bob's Burgers, S05E02)
"Where's Tina? Crying into her butt?"
"No, my butt is dry, and strong." (Bob's Burgers, S05E02)
"Gene, it's okay to watch Kitchen Nightmares alone." (Bob's Burgers, S05E02)
"Home Depot, I don't wanna fuck an Asian daughter!" (Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, 11-02-14)
Katia Winter's hips – O_O (Sleepy Hollow, S02E07)
"I must Internet immediately." (Sleepy Hollow, S02E07)
"I've always really wanted to make a chicken liver pâté." (MasterChef Junior, S02E01)
"I'll take him to a water park, I will. I'll put him on one of those water slides between two obese people and he'll get smushed to death. He'll die between the obese people before he drowns in the water." (New Girl, S04E06)
The new opening credits stink (New Girl, S04E06)
"Would you like a green grape shoved in your— given to your mouth…handed to your mouth?" (New Girl, S04E06)
"I've never seen someone sweat so much in my life. It looks like your body is crying." (New Girl, S04E06)
"I once walked by my mother sleeping and I snuck in the room and I put a lemon in her mouth." (New Girl, S04E06)
"I understand what you're saying about killing all the black people. When we do, maybe we could just…not kill Will Smith?" (Friends of the People, S01E02)
"I guess the KKK will only hate John Cusack?" (Friends of the People, S01E02)
"Soon Canada will be as advanced and developed as Michigan." (South Park, S18E06)
"It's the Canadian devil."
"Beelzaboot." (South Park, S18E06)
"When you get involved with freemium gaming, you are making a deal with the Canadian devil." (South Park, S18E06)
"Canada is back to being an ethical, respected, shitty tundra." (South Park, S18E06)
"Mayonnaise has healing properties." (The League, S06E10)
Tiny woman's tiny violin (American Horror Story, S04E05)
"This body is America – strong, violent, and full of limitless potential. (American Horror Story, S04E05)
"I will be the U.S. Steel of murder." (American Horror Story, S04E05)
"Don't fuck with the Peaky Blinders." (Peaky Blinders, S02E06)
Peaky Blinders Season Grade: C-
"Katt Williams… More like Fatt Williams."
"Next joke! Katt Williams is very thin!" (The Eric Andre Show, S03E01)
"Was that your wife? ..Your girlfriend? …Mistress? ….Sister?"
"She's just some bitch I fucked after I went to see Raisin in the Sun starring Denzel Washington." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E01)
"I did Zaxxon." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E14)
44. Too Many Cooks, 10-28-14
Jimmy Kimmel and Guillermo Pitch Horse Pants on Shark Tank (Jimmy Kimmel Live, 10-27-14)
Old Killers (Friends of the People, S01E01)
Squabblin & Quarrelin (Friends of the People, S01E01)
Obamacare (Key and Peele, S04E06)
Wayne Coyne's Candy Bar Story (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E13)
"Think about the things you want in life, and then picture yourself in a dress." (Boardwalk Empire, S05E08)
Tommy shoots Nucky in the same spot under the eye where the fatal bullet hit Jimmy (Boardwalk Empire, S05E08)
RT: "Did #BoardwalkEmpire finale cut Willie Thompson's scenes? Synopsis says he gives out info to US Attorney. But he wasn't in the episode" (Boardwalk Empire, S05E08)
Boardwalk Empire Season Grade: B
The creator of The Tick works on this show?! (Gotham, S01E06)
"I'm Lacy Wyatt, and this is the Gotham 7 Goat Watch." (Gotham, S01E06)
"You are a scurvy louse. You are a slop bucket." (Sleepy Hollow, S02E06)
"ChiefWiggum49 and Haloismybitch12 decided to frag me." (Sleepy Hollow, S02E06)
Face Off Season Grade: C
Melo! (Sons of Anarchy, S07E08)
"Is there another character in Where's Waldo?"
"Okay. That'll be fun. I haven't gone out with a white beard since I took my cousin Sally to the prom." (Modern Family, S06E06)
This is why we need American Horror Story: to see Jessica Lange as a dominatrix and Patti LaBelle get her throat slit (American Horror Story, S04E04)
Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories Season Grade: B
"And that's why 'Monster Mash' was our wedding song. What was yours?"
"Oh, it was 'Brick' by Ben Folds Five." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E13)
"I was like a pregnant woman in Texas – I had no choice." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E13)
"No fapping!" (Saturday Night Live, S40E05)
43. Hollywood Wrap Up (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E06*)
* a 'television episode of the year' nominee
Incarnations of the Simpsons (The Simpsons, S26E04)
[computer-animated, anime, Adventure Time, South Park, Archer, Sylvain Chomet, LEGO, Despicable Me, callback]
Gillian's letter (Boardwalk Empire, S05E07)
Tom Hardy and Noah Taylor talk (Peaky Blinders, S02E04)
Stupid cross-eyed animals (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E12)
Carrey Family Reunion (Saturday Night Live, S40E04)
"He could be in Canada by now. There's so many forests up there. That country is one giant hiding place." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E04)
"I have to…make urines in dee toilet." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E04)
"You're the champagne of friends." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E04)
"School is cool. That's why it rhymes." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E04)
"I began by creating…a word cloud." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E04)
Mickey Doyle – cruel twist of fate (Boardwalk Empire, S05E07)
"You tell yourself it's quick, but you don't know. You can't know until it's you, and then you'll never tell anyone." (Boardwalk Empire, S05E07)
"Last time I took a shower, Mr. Pickles replaced my soap with a human face." (Mr. Pickles, S01E05)
"You're working in a…"
"PlayStation game testing factory."
"What kind of stuff do you do?"
"Well, I shouldn't really be telling you this, but…we are developing a new button – the hexagon." (Bad Education, S03E06)
Bad Education Season Grade: C-
"Killing your mommy was an accident." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E07)
RT: A special Cutthroat Kitchen #hottake. Having $100 dollars when you opponent has $25,000 in the final round is bad. (Cutthroat Kitchen: Superstar Sabotage, S01E03)
"I always wanted a Spanish house. It would be like living in an El Torito." (Modern Family, S06E05)
"Frowny face stamp. I didn't know they made those."
"I had to special order it from Germany." (Modern Family, S06E05)
"Whooping don't care what you are. An ass is an ass is an ass is an ass." (Black-ish, S01E05)
RT: This is why we need American Horror Story: to see Patti LaBelle do the Woody Woodpecker laugh. (American Horror Story, S04E03)
Todd English's face (Top Chef, S12E02)
The Vandals! (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E12)
(Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E06)
42. Brooke does it for the Vine (The Amazing Race, S25E04)
Foo Fighters with Zac Brown: "War Pigs" (Late Show with David Letterman, 10-13-14)
Don't Fck with Ping Wu (The Knick, S01E10)
"Time for me to get out there and spread my"
"Get out there and spread my legs?"
"Well, either way…"
"No. Not either way. Only wings." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E03)
Gina's countdown technique involves ending with the last names of famous Marks. The final challenge? "On your mark… Get Seth… Rogen!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E03)
The first trough victim is Oswald Cobblepot on Gotham (The Walking Dead, S05E01)
"I got a beer."
"Where in the world did you find that?"
"In the refrigerator.
"Huh. Must have been left by one of the Mexicans." (The Affair, S01E01)
Oswald Cobblepot lost the role of Todd on Breaking Bad to Jesse Plemons (Gotham, S01E04)
Siouxsie and the Banshees! (Gotham, S01E04)
Sal Maroni celebrates with a giant steak (Gotham, S01E04)
"Are you just eating a bowl of jelly?" (New Girl, S04E05)
"Nothing sadder than a freaky Thursday." (Black-ish, S01E04)
"Where are you going?"
Josh Reddick bombs Chrisley (WWE Raw, 10-13-14)
"I don't know. Maybe St. Petersburg, where they have real caramel corn." (American Horror Story, S04E02)
"Never give power to the big man." (Peaky Blinders, S02E03)
"Jewish women, for you, are off the fuckin' menu." (Peaky Blinders, S02E03)
"The use of attractive people isn't going anywhere." (Shark Tank, S06E05)
John Hodgman! (The Knick, S01E10)
"Nothing breaks a man like a good cock punch." (The Knick, S01E10)
"I can read left to right, not just up and down." (The Knick, S01E10)
Heroin – heh (The Knick, S01E10)
The Knick Season Grade: B
"Think warm thoughts. Think of a fire."
(American Horror Story, S04E02)
"Gah. I thought of a cold fire!" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E11)
"The National gets their check." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E11)
"Secretary of the Office: I nominate Ellie Kemper." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E11)
41. Hatsune Miku (Late Show with David Letterman, 10-09-14)
"I like tacos! [fart]" (Bob's Burgers, S05E01)
"I just want to go home and crawl into bed and have a good long dutch oven cry." (Bob's Burgers, S05E01)
"Also, I'm just an uncle so, no biggie." (Bob's Burgers, S05E01)
"You embarrassed me in front of Derek Jeter."
"You embarrassed yourssssself in front of Derek Jeter." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E02)
"I, for one, refuse to be ruled by fear."
Young Nucky's teeth (Boardwalk Empire, S05E05)
"Coming dear." (Boardwalk Empire, S05E05)
RT: "The Strain put a LOT of effort into disguising Massey Hall as some joint in Tribeca" (The Strain, S01E13)
The Strain Season Grade: C+
"The Balloonman gon' get ya." (Gotham, S01E03)
The Driver Season Grade: C-
"He called a scotch on the rocks a 'sco-ro.'" (New Girl, S04E04)
"It looks like a little tiny pigeon's egg."
Meanwhile, at Wayne Manor… (Gotham, S01E03)
"Don't you wanna hatch the bird?" (New Girl, S04E04)
"I hate when Schmidt cries. He sounds like a ghost singing 'Hey Ya.'" (New Girl, S04E04)
Matador Season Grade: C+
"If laughter's the best medicine, then you're grape-flavoured Triaminic." (Modern Family, S06E03)
"The nod is on the same primal level as a baby waving 'hi' – as a man scrunching up his face when a woman with a big butt walks by."
"This is basic stuff."
"Even the butt thing?"
"Especially the butt thing. Basic black." (Black-ish, S01E03)
Will continuity continue all season? (South Park, S18E03)
"Salami vise." (The League, S06E06)
"It's Lucky Strike. It's good for you." (American Horror Story, S04E01)
Lobster hand shocker (American Horror Story, S04E01)
"I once carried out my own personal form of stigmata on an Italian. I pushed his face up against a trench, shoved a six-inch nail up his fuckin' nose, and I hammered it home with a duckboard. It was fuckin' biblical, mate." (Peaky Blinders, S02E02)
"I'm standing my ground!" (Black Jesus, S01E10)
Black Jesus Season Grade: C
Meep the Geek (American Horror Story, S04E01)
Sons of GameStop (Shark Tank, S06E04)
"There's the Emotionals, the Foodies, the Hasidics, and Gryffindor." (Saturday Night Live, S40E03)
"Dan Cortese." (Saturday Night Live, S40E03)
"Here's a joke: GOD." (Saturday Night Live, S40E03)
(The Amazing Race, S25E03)
40. Don Hertzfeldt's Couch Gag (The Simpsons, S26E01)
Caught masturbating (Black-ish, S01E02)
Munchie T (Black Jesus, S01E09)
"We gotta carry him 'cause he can't fly on his own. We let that other guy try and look what happened." (Family Guy, S13E01)
"I kidnapped all your enemies – Nelson, Jimbo, Principal Skinner, Sideshow Bob, Apu. I know Apu's not your enemy, but I just wanted to say 'I took Apu.'" (Family Guy, S13E01)
"We're gonna make it!"
"Trust me, we're not." (Family Guy, S13E01)
"We've had all the fights we're going to have." (Boardwalk Empire, S05E04)
Hacking the emergency broadcast system with a G-Drive (The Strain, S01E12)
Perfect Bacon Bowl ad (The Strain, S01E12)
Masters of Sex Season Grade: C+
Bruce Wayne listening to Swedish metal (Gotham, S01E02)
Bruce Wayne cutting himself (Gotham, S01E02)
"Are you part of the wedding industry?" (Sleepy Hollow, S02E02)
"Do you know what happens when you break a lion's heart?"
(WWE Raw, 09-29-14)
"Did it go to live with a warthog and a meerkat?" (Bad Education, S03E03)
"Just doing E, watching that show Ed." (New Girl, S04E03)
Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson – this episode is a New Radicals song (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
"Althea? Guess your folks were hoping for a black baby." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
"Tiggy, you and me, back door."
Dina's nerd goblin (Face Off, S07E11)
"Giggity." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
Tig and Boyd Crowder kiss – there is no box (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
The Bridge Season Grade: B
The Bridge had to cut a scene where Ray has become a male stripper in the wake of Charlotte's murder
(The Bridge, S02E13)
39. Bono's daughter's night with Clive Owen (The Knick, S01E07)
Magnificent — Soderbergh firing on all cylinders.
The tunnel (The Strain, S01E11)
That sound and that gesture (The League, S06E04)
Army running cadence (Key and Peele, S04E01)
Marvel can't fail (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)
"CBS doesn't like dildos." (Masters of Sex, S02E11)
Mrs. Martinez is unbearable (The Strain, S01E11)
"Now I know another way to kill them."
"Next outing, you carry the power transformer." (The Strain, S01E11)
Cracked iPhone screen – womp womp (The Strain, S01E11)
The Master's make-up – woof (The Strain, S01E11)
"He no rape me. But if you don't rape me, I tell them you rape me!" (Mr. Pickles, S01E01)
"That pill head looney bird." (Gotham, S01E01)
Timothy Busfield as Benjamin Franklin (Sleepy Hollow, S02E01)
"If pot were a piano, Nick would be a nine-year-old Chinese girl." (New Girl, S04E02)
"We have more work to do than the Kings of Leon. Good band, but it feels like they are stuck in one place musically." (New Girl, S04E02)
Wizard Wars Season Grade: C+
Field hockey? How does his son not play lacrosse? (Black-ish, S01E01)
Nathan Fielder and Seth Rogen, together again (The League, S06E04)
Holy short-haired, clean-shaven Jason Mantzoukas! (The League, S06E04)
Look at these fucking guest stars: Nathan Fielder, June Diane Raphael, Jorma Taccone, David Krumholtz, Steve Little, Jerry Minor, Andrew Daly, Lizzy Caplan… (The League, S06E04)
(Mr. Pickles, S01E01)
"The world can only bear so much before sunderance." (The Bridge, S02E12)
"I need to go to the ATM first." (The Bridge, S02E12)
Aaaand Linder goes out like a chump (The Bridge, S02E12)
"Peter Atencio." (Key and Peele, S04E01)
"Belly full of toes." (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E02)
Jerry Jones (South Park, S18E01)
Ambushing viewers with an arm amputation (The Knick, S01E07)
Darrell Hammond as announcer will take some getting used to (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)
Pete Davidson is the first SNL cast member born in the 1990s (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)
"Devin Peters, Stanford." (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)
(The Knick, S01E07)
38. Fausto makes a hostage video (The Bridge, S02E11)
"WHY MUST IT ALWAYS BE PANDEMONIUM?!" (Boardwalk Empire, S05E02)
MasterChef Season Grade: C
"Mein Kampf was the name of John Barrowman's autobiography…?" (Bad Education, S03E01)
"Do guys still like an Oakland face with an L.A. booty?" (New Girl, S04E01)
"Looks like Jeffrey and Lauren want us to share in their joy. How 'bout they share in my chocolate pocket?"
"What does that mean?!"
"In my butt!" (New Girl, S04E01)
RT: "Ah yes. Terrible music during a chase scene. A proud SOA tradition." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E02)
"I am done playing by nigger rules!" (Sons of Anarchy, S07E02)
"I'm only reading it to attract a Mormon. I heard their lungs are perfect for transplants." (Red Band Society, S01E01)
"Luck isn't getting what you want; it's surviving what you don't want." (Red Band Society, S01E01)
"I will hasten him off this planet." (The Bridge, S02E11)
"Yeast Mode." (The League, S06E03)
"Children-friendly Watts." (Black Jesus, S01E07)
Drew's serpent soldier make-up (Face Off, S07E09)
(Black Jesus, S01E07)
[sigh] Alright. Here we go…
37. Sharpie Card Trick (Wizard Wars, S01E04)
The anguish of Rosarita (Matador, S01E09)
Wheelchair drag (Sons of Anarchy, S07E01)
The host is Bizarro cartoonist Dan Piraro?! (Utopia, S01E01)
String instrument Metallica! (The Leftovers, S01E10)
The Leftovers Season Grade: B-
Sex in a Beastie Boys shirt (The Strain, S01E09)
RT: "Juice ducked off in the cut eating tuna out the can and doing naked pushups in the dark. Crazy as cat shit." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E01)
David Wallace! (The Bridge, S02E10)
(Top Chef Duels, S01E06)
Next year, I'm just gonna live in Toronto for the month of September – and Philadelphia for the month of August. And Seattle for July…
36. Keyser Söze'd (You're the Worst, S01E08)
"I'm a looter." (The Strain, S01E08)
Rick Baker cameo – buying wine at a convenience store! (The Strain, S01E08)
Jim! (The Strain, S01E08)
"I'm awaiting authorization!" (The Strain, S01E08)
The topicality of Libby's storyline (Masters of Sex, S02E08)
Bill Draper. Will his brother commit suicide too? (Masters of Sex, S02E08)
What even is Jaimee's voice? (MasterChef, S05E15)
"Jaimee, can you do this?"
"Courtney, can you do this?"
"Christian, can you do this?"
"…Yeah, I guess…" (MasterChef, S05E15)
Heh. Ve hired all the alums to work on Mockingjay (Face Off, S07E07)
Neville's bishop (Face Off, S07E07)
Charlotte! (The Bridge, S02E09)
"I like it when they clap for Bill Murray." (You're the Worst, S01E08)
(The Bridge, S02E09)
A black lad named Trayvon? A black lad named Trayvon (Black Jesus, S01E05)
"He supposed to die on the cross, not the Escalade!" (Black Jesus, S01E05)
(You're the Worst, S01E08)
(The Knick, S01E04)
35. Controlling Water Illusion (Wizard Wars, S01E02)
Kevin doesn't get Nyan Cat (The Leftovers, S01E09)
"Every man rebels against the idea that this is fuckin' it – fights windmills, saves fuckin' damsels, all in search of greater purpose. You have no greater purpose because it is enough." (The Leftovers, S01E09)
Mr. Quinlan! (The Strain, S01E07)
That was Stephen McHattie as Mr. Quinlan? (The Strain, S01E07)
Going Deep with David Rees Season Grade: B-
Whoa! (Matador, S01E07)
Both of his hands?! (Matador, S01E07)
…Oh. (Matador, S01E07)
Scott Ian eating anchovies (Restaurant Startup, S01E08)
"This needs a delicate touch. Call The Chopper." (The Bridge, S02E08)
34. Simon Sees (Nathan For You, S02E08)
Dean Ambrose empties an ice bucket on Seth Rollins' head (WWE Raw, 08-18-14)
Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins (WWE Raw, 08-18-14)
Santa Says (Nathan For You, S02E08)
Fight Scene (The Knick, S01E03)
Is business about to pick up? (The Strain, S01E06)
Patti recites the second stanza of Yeats' "Michael Robartes bids his Beloved be at Peace" (The Leftovers, S01E08)
Libby's got jungle fever (Masters of Sex, S02E06)
"Gonna hit the buffet at the Spearmint Rhino. You down?"
"No, I'm gonna stick around here, put in a little work."
"You sure, man? Boobies and food…" (Matador, S01E06)
"I'm an idiot businessman with a small dick." (Nathan For You, S02E08)
"We shared popcorn. We weren't masturbating there."
"We just have one board for both. These cork boards are like $20." (Nathan For You, S02E08)
Nathan For You Season Grade: A-
Magic incorporating SPAM (Wizard Wars, S01E01)
"When a dude with puka shells runs away from you, you are on to something." (The Bridge, S02E07)
The Honourable Woman Season Grade: C+
Rectify Season Grade: C+
"In fact, you interrupted my preparations." (The Knick, S01E03)
RT: The fight with Algernon outside the bar was done with a rig on Andre's back and GoPro cameras (The Knick, S01E03)
"an avant-garde pop summer mixtape"
33. A Selfish Act (Utopia, S02E06)
"I love how passionate you are about pepperoni." (Masters of Sex, S02E05)
Weird Al, Bob Dylan, and Mr. Wonderful in one episode (WWE Raw, 08-11-14)
"We're just…licking our fingers at the match factory!" (Going Deep with David Rees, S01E08)
Share a Coke with Ian (Utopia, S02E06)
Utopia Season Grade: B+
"One eye is dollar sign, one eye is safety. Dollar in one eyes, and babies in the other eyes." (Nathan For You, S02E07)
"Man, I'm from Brooklyn. I'd rather have a pizza." (Nathan For You, S02E07)
"The baby sign was gone from his eyes and replaced with another dollar sign." (Nathan For You, S02E07)
Wilfred Season Grade: C-
Keaton Henson! (Rectify, S02E09)
"This little light of mine, we gon' grow some pot…" (Black Jesus, S01E02)
"Whoo! Back ain't been the same since I carried them fat girls across the River Nile trying to get away from them soldiers, man." (Black Jesus, S01E02)
"Have you…had cocaine before?"
"You're going to feel nothing in your arm and wonderful everywhere else. It's truly a miracle." (The Knick, S01E02)
32. Neighbours (The Strain, S01E04)
Music: Slayer – "Angel of Death" (The Leftovers, S01E06)
Holy Wayne only accepts payment by PayPal (The Leftovers, S01E06)
"Surely a live dog is better than a dead lion." (The Leftovers, S01E06)
Halt and Catch Fire Season Grade: C+
HHH trapping Brie in a corner (WWE Raw, 08-04-14)
Boobs on basic cable! (Matador, S01E04)
"Disguised as a female bowler in religious garb…" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
RT: "Oh my god, the 9/11 truther on Nathan For You last night is probably my favorite TV moment of the 21st century" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
"(Burkas provided)" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
RT: "The Bill Gates impersonator from Nathan For You deserves every Emmy, and all other awards as well" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
(Nathan For You, S02E06)
Mike Clattenburg [Trailer Park Boys] co-created this programme? (Black Jesus, S01E01)
"Nigga-Wan Kenobi." (Black Jesus, S01E01)
Korean ladies randomly giving Jesus a wonderful basket of shit (Black Jesus, S01E01)
"Michael! Chandler! Ross!" (Black Jesus, S01E01)
"Komaki has so many places in his body to be beaten, but he only chooses to hit his balls." (Jonah From Tonga, S01E01)
Cliff Martinez's score is so Cliff Martinez (The Knick, S01E01)
2014: The year of fatal gunshots to Matt Frewer's head (The Knick, S01E01)
Bono's daughter injecting cocaine into Clive Owen's dick (The Knick, S01E01)
Outlander's theme song is ludicrously catchy (Outlander, S01E01)
Happy Valley Season Grade: C+
31. Hate Crime (The Leftovers, S01E05)
Poor Kathy Geiss.
Gabe's dick falls off (The Strain, S01E03)
The actor who plays Corey Stoll's son also played his son on House of Cards (The Strain, S01E03)
"It's on Zillow." (The Strain, S01E03)
"Hello. I'm Macintosh." – yes! (Halt and Catch Fire, S01E09)
(Nathan For You, S02E05) – a "television episode of the year" nominee
"Dumb Norah Jones Duets." (Nathan For You, S02E05)
After replacing Dwight Yoakam with William Baldwin as Bruce, replacing Mary Steenburgen with Mimi Rogers as Ryan's mother (Wilfred, S04E07)
"I'm a three-legged dog, dude!" – finally something happens (Wilfred, S04E07)
"Can't you put me in protective custody or something? Somewhere cool, like Seattle or Banff." (The Bridge, S02E04)
"When it comes to the Middle East, you never ever try to play the Israelis." (The Honourable Woman, S01E05)
30. Routine Maintenance (Utopia, S02E03)
"At COMDEX, lavish equals shrimp." (Halt and Catch Fire, S01E08)
COMDEX is the new TechCrunch Disrupt (Halt and Catch Fire, S01E08)
Closed captioning: "'I Love You' song from Barney playing faintly" (The Strain, S01E02)
"Is this a hybrid?" (WWE Raw, 07-21-14)
The teen actor (Nathan For You, S02E04)
The stripper cop (Nathan For You, S02E04)
"Underneath that dragon is our mattress." (Nathan For You, S02E04)
Chickens and a peacock in a tree (Nathan For You, S02E04)
John Cale! (The Bridge, S02E03)
"I say we act like white people and disappear and let our lawyer do the talking." (The Bridge, S02E03)
Jared's hair is approaching Eraserhead level (Rectify, S02E06)
Martin being a pimp (Friday Night Dinner, S03E06)
Friday Night Dinner Season Grade: C-
Steph's gnarly cleavage (WWE Raw, 07-21-14)
29. Conan and Dave Franco Join Tinder (Conan, 07-14-14)
"I'd be quitting for Zach so he isn't driving around Queens in a green goddamn Prius." (The Strain, S01E01)
Captain and Tennille on The Leftovers, Neil Diamond on The Strain (The Leftovers, S01E03, The Strain, S01E01)
Music: Molotov – "Gimme the Power" (The Strain, S01E01)
"Love, you see, is the one force that cannot be explained, cannot be broken down into a chemical process. It is the beacon that guides us back home when no one is there, and the light that illuminates our loss. Its absence robs us of all pleasure, of our capacity for joy. It makes our nights darker, and our days gloomier. But when we find love, no matter how wrong, how sad, or how terrible, we cling to it. It gives us our strength. It holds us upright. It feeds on us, and we feed on it. Love is our grace. Love is our downfall." (The Strain, S01E01)
Artemis! (Masters of Sex, S02E01)
Ygritte! (Utopia, S02E01)
"Should the time come, I'm to be your daughter's torturer." (Utopia, S02E01)
24 Season Grade: B
Palpatine! (Utopia, S02E02)
"Mention this gravestone for a 15% discount." (Nathan For You, S02E03)
"Asian, black, Hispanic, old." (Nathan For You, S02E03)
"I like Call of Duty and pussy." (The Bridge, S02E02)
(Loiter Squad, S03E10)
Loiter Squad Season Grade: C+
"What's your dog called?"
"Right. Is it, um, really called 'Piano'?"
"What do you think?"
[pause] (Friday Night Dinner, S03E05)
28. The Web (Nathan For You, S02E02)
It plays better in context, that context being a "Television Episode of the Year" nominee.
"You're all suffering and no salvation." (The Leftovers, S01E02)
The cast of Perfect Strangers vanished (The Leftovers, S01E02)
You eediot! (24, S09E10)
"But what happens when the bullets start to fly?"
"You're gonna wanna try and stay low." (24, S09E11)
William, the professional Bill Gates impersonator (Nathan For You, S02E02)
"Our next short is a documentary called Me Farting on Command." (Nathan For You, S02E02)
"Of course, it's a hybrid, so it ain't like we could wait it out." (The Bridge, S02E01)
Rutger Hauer! (Wilfred, S04E04)
Events at the Secret Rose Theatre on both Nathan For You and Loiter Squad this week (Loiter Squad, S03E09)
27. Exorcisms (Nathan For You, S02E01)
Cold open (The Honourable Woman, S01E01)
"Werner Herzog" describes Good Will Hunting: Port of Call – Los Angeles (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E09)
Music: Max Richter – "The Twins (Prague)" (The Leftovers, S01E01)
Buddy Garrity! (The Leftovers, S01E01)
Justin Theroux: NOT Ron Livingston (The Leftovers, S01E01)
The "spin the bottle" wheel: Screw, Hug, Burn, Hickey, Suck, [indecipherable three-letter word], Choke, Bite, The Tip, Titty, Fuck, Kiss, Slap (The Leftovers, S01E01)
Why is he undressing to be choked? […] Oh. Heh (The Leftovers, S01E01)
Music: James Blake – "Retrograde" (The Leftovers, S01E01)
Free association: Guilty Remnant = Danielson Famile (The Leftovers, S01E01)
(The Leftovers, S01E01)
Music: Max Richter – "Vladimir's Blues" (The Leftovers, S01E01)
The Leftovers' director of photography was Breaking Bad's DP (The Leftovers, S01E01)
[Anachronistic] Music: Big Black Delta – "Capsize" (Halt and Catch Fire, S01E05)
"Will you read my future?"
"I don't know that you have one."
"Everyone has a future."
"Not everyone. Some people only have a past."
"Then read my past."
"Then you would have no more mystery." (Penny Dreadful, S01E08)
"Show business – all bitches." (Penny Dreadful, S01E08)
Rory Kinnear for "best supporting actor" (Penny Dreadful, S01E08)
Penny Dreadful Season Grade: C+
Baby octopus Jell-O shots (Frankenfood, S01E04)
"I really want bone marrow under that box. I could really get down and dirty with some bone marrow." (MasterChef, S05E06)
"Mark, pleeease!" (24, S09E10)
"Okay, you can talk to him, but if you cross the line, I'm pulling you."
"Just so we're clear, I wasn't asking. That was me being courteous." (24, S09E10)
"Full immunity is not on the table – but your hand is." (24, S09E10)
Return of the one villain that got away (24, S09E10)
Pivoting to a world war with two episodes left? (24, S09E10)
RT: "'Pasadena: Where the pain of your family doesn't follow you.' They should really use that as a tourist slogan" (Tyrant, S01E02)
(Nathan For You, S02E01)
"A ghost choked you in Switzerland?" (Nathan For You, S02E01)
Music: Radiohead – "How to Disappear Completely" (The Honourable Woman, S01E01)
Music: The Low Anthem – "Charlie Darwin" (Rectify, S02E03)
James Adomian's Gordon Ramsay impersonation (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E09)
"So Alison, you were in the movie Scream 4…"
"It's actually pronounced 'AHHHH!!! 4.'" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E09)
"You want to be Montell Jordans or a loser?" (Loiter Squad, S03E08)
PSA tag (Loiter Squad, S03E08)
"Little Caesars: It's the only thing better than getting what you want." (Orange Is the New Black, S02E11)
Lulz at Fig neutralizing the accountant with the promise of meeting Tiki Barber (Orange Is the New Black, S02E12)
Tiki discussing Foucault (Orange Is the New Black, S02E12)
How do they all know how to sing "Stay" by Lisa Loeb? (Orange Is the New Black, S02E12)
Sideshow Vee (Orange Is the New Black, S02E12)
Six months after Randy described Toy Story 3 on Enlisted, Morello describes Toy Story (Orange Is the New Black, S02E13)
RT: "a black guy knowing the words to Deep Blue Something's 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' is complete and utter bullshit" (Orange Is the New Black, S02E13)
Orange Is the New Black Season Grade: B-