Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

45. I wish it didn't have to be so bad (Wendy, 10-31-17)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • The Deuce Season Grade: B+
  • Chet Haze (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E05)
  • "The mail woman has stopped delivering since our date."
    "Had the same situation with a girl at Burger King. Haven't had a Whopper in fuckin' three years." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E05)
  • "There's also a post office credo. They should put 'spite' in there. Neither rain nor snow nor heat nor spite shall keep these couriers." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E05)
  • "Bloody promises, bloody tips. This is how a pact is made." (Vice Principals, S02E07)
  • "If this works out for Junior, he could put us in public school."
    "What is that even like?"
    [cut to Jack and Diane watching Dangerous Minds] (Black-ish, S04E05)
  • "Be brutal."
    "Simon Cowell brutal or O.J. brutal?" (The Mayor, S01E04)
  • Evan Peters as Marshall Applewhite, David Koresh, and Jim Jones (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • "I found this on wikiHow."
    "'How to escape from a cult.'" (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • Evan Peters as Jesus Christ high-fiving Evan Peters as Jim Jones (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • "Doubters get no cookies!" (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • "The bed is for family." (American Horror Story, S07E09)

Dave Grohl as David Letterman (Jimmy Kimmel Live!, 10-31-17)

  • "Betty's ponytail is iconic and beyond reproach." (Riverdale, S02E04)
  • "Hey! Stay away from those lemons! Just because they're hanging over the sidewalk doesn't mean they're free! You people act like I don't need these lemons, but I do! I need them very badly!" (You're the Worst, S04E10)
  • "Mmm! This is good!"
    "It's Country Time. My lemons aren't juicing lemons." (You're the Worst, S04E10)
  • Rashad Jennings (Great News, S02E06)
  • "Vow Chicka Vow Vow: Exploring Marital Relations" (Great News, S02E06)
  • "Max, the dog is eating your pussy blood again!" (Better Things, S02E08)
  • "So you're saying you pleasure yourself so much at home that it doesn't affect you at work?"
    "Correct." (Nathan For You, S04E06)

(Nathan For You, S04E06)

  • "So when most people are thinking of sex, you're thinking of Aquaman?" (Nathan For You, S04E06)

(Nathan For You, S04E06)

(Nathan For You, S04E06)

  • Full Doubtfire (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E02)
  • Dick slip (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E02)
  • "Making fun of someone with a disability is retarded." (Saturday Night Live, S43E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

Pleasure Suck

I wait a day to post this and Khaled drops out. [grumbling]

Shawn Marion and Cedric Ceballos are a team on the next Amazing Race?

And they're racing against Joey Chestnut and Eater X?!

Wikipedia » Tim Janus:

On November 21, 2007, Janus helped draw attention to the plight of New York City's homeless by consuming a Thanksgiving meal for four, including a 10-pound turkey, four pounds of mashed potatoes, three pounds of cranberry sauce, 2½ pounds of beans, and a pumpkin pie.

On August 28, 2013, Deadspin released a video of Janus' attempt to become, in his words, "the first person in the history of the world to get legally drunk (.08) on" non-alcoholic beer. In the video, Janus drinks 28 cans and bottles of various non-alcoholic beers and then blows into a breathalyzer. A .02 reading is recorded, leading Janus to conclude that if he can't get drunk on O'Doul's, nobody can.

Where is Patrick O'Bryant now?

Wikipedia » Patrick O'Bryant:

In November 2013, O'Bryant signed with Taiwan Beer of the Super Basketball League. On April 24, 2016, O'Bryant won the Final's MVP award while playing for Taiwan Beer.

Taiwan Beer?

Wikipedia » Taiwan Beer (basketball):

The Taiwan Beer Basketball Team is a semi-professional basketball team in the Super Basketball League (SBL) in Taiwan sponsored by the Taiwan Tobacco and Liquor Corporation (TTL).

Before the privatization of the sponsoring corporation in 1999, the team was named "Taiwan Tobacco and Wine Monopoly Bureau Golden Dragons."

Why is there no Taiwan Beer (basketball) merch?!

Pacific Goons

What is this hoodie doing here?

A Hamilton hoodie.

Did Stan [my brother] see Hamilton? Always buying souvenir clothing…

Stan: Hey, this is yours.

My brother hands me said Hamilton hoodie.

Jon: Uhh… Okay…

Did he buy me a Hamilton hoodie? Why would he do that? Did it not fit him? Did one of his friends not want his or hers?

My Father: Hey, is this hoodie yours?
Jon: Uhh…

My father inspects said Hamilton hoodie.

Jon: If you want it, you can have it.
My Father: Sweet!

Had he been eyeing that hoodie?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

44. Sacred Copulation (American Horror Story, S07E08)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Anton Chigurh Halloween costume (Bob's Burgers, S08E03)
  • Mombie Halloween costume (Bob's Burgers, S08E03)
  • "What the hell was that?"
    "The wolf."
    "No, wolves howl. That was not a howl."
    "It sounded like the noise I made when Felicity cut her hair." (Bob's Burgers, S08E03)
  • "I hope you got your shittin' pants on."
    "Your shittin' pants. I hope you're wearing 'em right now, 'cause you…are about to shit your pants." (The Walking Dead, S08E01)
  • "I just shot a nigga. Come and get him." (The Deuce, S01E07)
  • ♫: The Kinks – "Strangers" (The Last Man on Earth, S04E04)
  • "Those pants might've been manufactured in a country that has small penises."
    "So these pants fit the penis from whence they came."
    "You're goddamn right. Why would they make a little fly in a country with big ass dicks? See, I'm-a tell you, I don't have that problem, 'cause I buy my shit from Jamaica." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E04)
  • "There's been a breach of the patient-doctor confidentiality." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E04)
  • "I like eating nachos and lip-syncing. I always have." (Vice Principals, S02E06)
  • Juggalo Halloween costume (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E04)
  • Craig and Smokey from Friday Halloween costumes (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E04)
  • "Explain yourself."
    "I'm Prince, and this is the one time of year I can wear a plunging neckline." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E04)
  • "Oh, what a lovely, uh…pimp and ho?"
    "My son is Willy Wonka and I'm not in costume." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E04)
  • "Everything in Orlando used to be a strip club." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E04)

(WWE SmackDown Live, 10-24-17)

  • "This is Black Monopoly, so let me break down the rules for you, all right? No side-coaching. No gifting of money, but loans are allowed."
    "Just know you're never gonna get your money back."
    "You cannot collect rent while you're in jail, and Pops does not pay income tax."
    "Reparations." (Black-ish, S04E04)
  • Maxine Waters Halloween costume (The Mayor, S01E04)
  • Fidget spinner Halloween costume (The Mayor, S01E04)
  • "Ohhh, Maxine Waters, look out! She's about to reclaim her time!" (The Mayor, S01E04)
  • Hell house (American Horror Story, S07E08)
  • "As he enters you, I will enter him." (American Horror Story, S07E08)
  • "There's no such thing as gay or straight. You have to lean into your masculinity." (American Horror Story, S07E08)
  • "This recipe also works for chicken, known as the fish of the ground." (At Home with Amy Sedaris, S01E01)
  • "Cheese will work with you if you let it." (At Home with Amy Sedaris, S01E01)
  • "Von Mueller's: Not just Hitler's syrup. The Kaiser loved it too." (At Home with Amy Sedaris, S01E01)
  • 10 Michael Jacksons Halloween costumes (Speechless, S02E05)

(Riverdale, S02E03)

  • Channel Zero: No-End House Season Grade: C
  • Custard's Last Flan, Panna Cotta Da Vida (The Good Place, S02E07)
  • "I love my New York life."
    "Really? 'Cause it seems like from your Instagram that you're always laying in bed trying to win some #CrazyForDoritos contest."
    "Trying to win? They invited me to the Cool Ranch." (Great News, S02E05)
  • "Katie, you're trying to have a life that does not belong to you, like Dr. Faustus, my gynecologist who turned out to be Andy Dick doing a prank." (Great News, S02E05)
  • "Now this'll be really scary, right? Like the time I was naked and I looked at a mirror on the floor?" (Great News, S02E05)
  • "How did you know my name was Katie?"
    "Girl, you're all named 'Katie.'" (Great News, S02E05)
  • "Between taking care of my three adorable children, Grayson, Mason and my unborn gay son Gayson…" (Great News, S02E05)
  • "If you were just to…taste my dick." (Better Things, S02E07)

(Nathan For You, S04E05)

  • "I took Eddie off guitar, and he's gonna be on smoke detector for this one." (Nathan For You, S04E05)
  • ♫: The Banzai Predicament – "Orphaned Skies" (Nathan For You, S04E05)
  • "So to frame Shell for this theft…" (Nathan For You, S04E05)
  • "How do you feel when you see this image of a bird covered in oil?"
    "I feel okay. I feel all right. I don't feel nothing. It's like, fun day at the beach." (Nathan For You, S04E05)
  • An American Werewolf in London (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E01)
  • "That's just our pit bull, Featuring Ludacris. He won't hurt you guys, will you, Featuring Ludacris? Are you a good featured artist?" (Big Mouth, S01E04)
  • "Magic is not gay. It transcends sexuality." (Big Mouth, S01E04)
  • "My dear boy, I make this vow: No cum shall enter your tummy." (Big Mouth, S01E04)
  • "Look at all these houses. You never know how many people are inside eating jizz." (Big Mouth, S01E04)
  • "You ever actually fuck a tomato? It's like fucking a sneeze."
    "Wait, you find a sneeze sexual?"
    "Ooh, I find everything sexual."
    "What about a chair?"
    "Sit on it, brother."
    "An airplane?"
    "Big dick flying through the sky."
    "What about a button-down shirt?"
    "You mean a gaping butthole and 10 clits?" (Big Mouth, S01E05)
  • Veronica's Closet (Big Mouth, S01E05)
  • "Jazz is like life. It goes on for longer than you think, and then as soon as you're like, 'Oh, I get it,' it ends." (Big Mouth, S01E06)
  • "Teepee, fat guy, sideways moon, other fat guy, sideways comb." (Big Mouth, S01E07)
  • "Hockey stick, coffee stain, water cooler cup, sideways comb." (Big Mouth, S01E07)
  • Whitney Houston (Big Mouth, S01E08)
  • "Wow. You taste so much better than my bath mat." (Big Mouth, S01E08)

"What? You've never seen a hormone monster's Jewish penis eat dumpster scallops?" (Big Mouth, S01E09)

  • Big Mouth Season Grade: C+
  • "I hate this overpriced bullshit!" (Stranger Things, S02E01)

(Stranger Things, S02E01)

  • "No one wants to be Winston, man." (Stranger Things, S02E02)
  • Flaming squirrel attack (Stranger Things, S02E02)
  • "No one likes 3 Musketeers." (Stranger Things, S02E02)

(Stranger Things, S02E05)

  • "So, Jonathan, how was the pull-out?" (Stranger Things, S02E02)
  • Punky Brewster (Stranger Things, S02E07)
  • Justice for Bob (Stranger Things, S02E10)
  • Stranger Things Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

Eater's Digest: Toronto 4

Previously on Adam Riff™:

September 2017
doma / p.g. cluck's / le gourmand / flock / p.g. cluck's / death in venice / canis / the fix / jackpot chicken rice / eative film cafe / otto's berlin döner / levetto / the fix / the black hoof / death in venice / flock / uncle mikey's / a game cafe / baro / momofuku daishō / carver / eative film cafe / rasa / wong's ice cream / foxley / the dock ellis sports bar / bake shoppe / square fish / moo frites / schmaltz appetizing / wong's ice cream / lake inez / the carbon bar / grey gardens / brothers / yogen früz / richtree natural market / tasty's caribbean

Pho Horse Carpaccio (The Black Hoof)
burnt ginger mayo, salsa verde, bean sprouts, lime

^ Raw horse meat flavoured to taste just like pho.

Surf and Turf (The Black Hoof)
tomatillo salad

^ Raw shrimp and a pig's feet croquette.

"Clam Chowder" (The Black Hoof)
pickerel cheeks, pickled clams, celery, goldfish crackers

^ A cold remix of the "Pickerel Cheek Potato Salad Thing" listed on the restaurant's website.

(YamChops) is a "plant-based butcher shop." All of the meat in its deli cases is fake.

Tuna Doshi [Donut Sushi] (Square Fish)
bottom: crispy rice with cheese; top: sushi rice, avocado, black sesame; basics: lettuce, crab meat salad, seaweed salad, edamame, sweet corn, mango, cucumber, tempura bits, tobiko, scallion, with house special spicy aioli

^ Disappointingly, not a donut topped with raw fish, but rather a difficult-to-eat stack of poke bowl ingredients. Its base is rice wrapped in cheese and deep-fried until crispy, because sure.

(Wong's Ice Cream) is my new favourite ice creamery in North America. Its cups are Chinese take-out containers.

Dark Chocolate Five-Spice Sorbet (Wong's Ice Cream)
—The richest chocolate sorbet I have ever consumed. It tastes like how a Chinese herb shop smells.

Sriracha Buttered Popcorn Ice Cream (Wong's Ice Cream)
—The sriracha manifests as an aftertaste.

Coconut Mango Sticky Rice Ice Cream (Wong's Ice Cream)
—Contains actual sticky rice.

Black Sesame Ice Cream with Salted Duck Egg (Wong's Ice Cream)
—Like a Chinese version of Baskin-Robbins' Peanut Butter 'N Chocolate Ice Cream.

Hong Kong Milk Tea Ice Cream (Wong's Ice Cream)
Blond Kinako Brown Butter Ice Cream (Wong's Ice Cream)
Pine Needle Pink Lychee Ice Cream (Wong's Ice Cream)

Pad Thai Gelato (Death in Venice)
fish sauce, soy sauce, peanuts, coriander, lime juice, milk, cinnamon, hint of chilli, ginger, and sugar
—Well balanced.

Chocolate Basil Pesto Gelato with Balsamic Reduction (Death in Venice)
Peanut Butter and Croissant Gelato (Death in Venice)

Ruffles Marshmallow Bar (Bake Shoppe)

^ I thought this was a Rice Krispies Treat coated in Ruffles, but it's actually a Rice Krispies Treat made with Ruffles instead of Rice Krispies – and it's works!

Brown Butter Nutella Cookie (Bake Shoppe)
—A chocolate chip cookie with Nutella instead of chocolate chips.

To me, (Doma) was the best of Toronto's best new restaurants of 2017 that I tried [I tried five out of seven]. Its menu changes monthly with some dishes held over.

Gochujang Ratatouille (Doma)
roasted red pepper, tomato, eggplant, zucchini, tofu steak, gochujang


Grilled Octopus (Doma)
cabbage, konyak, bell pepper, pear, seaweed, pickled mustard seeds, korean mustard dressing, cucumber granita

^ The octopus I could take or leave. Its accompaniments, however, were scrumptious.

To me, (Canis) was the worst of Toronto's best new restaurants of 2017 that I tried.

I didn't feel like I was getting my money's worth out of its tasting menu, and then this hoss arrived, as if to say, "Here's your money's worth, bitch.":

Duck, Cabbage, Pearl Onion (Canis)

^ Only the sliced half was edible, though.

OG Duck Chaufa (Baro)
duck confit, rice, edamame, egg, papi kung fu, chile, tobiko, corn
—$35 duck fried rice! Albeit with bits of socorrat. Still, $35!

Also at (Baro): $15 chips and guac!

I sought (Lake Inez) out for its Sichuan-Style Lamb Pappardelle, but alas, the dish had been dropped from its menu.

Fazoletti Verde (Lake Inez)
'handkerchief' pasta with tiger shrimp, fermented chillies, grilled veg, cashews, lime juice, fish sauce

^ A swell consolation dish.

I was amused to discover six or seven single-use washrooms downstairs.

Gigli (Grey Gardens)
cheddar, hot sauce, paprika

^ $21 mac and cheese.

I don't understand this dish. Why is it served with hot sauce on the side? If I'm supposed to eat it with hot sauce, then it should be served with hot sauce already added. This isn't Taco Bell.

Sweetbreads, Creamed Corn (Brothers)

^ Another confusing dish.

Jalapeño and Honey Fried Chicken Sandwich (P.G. Clucks)
honey-dipped chicken, sweet pickled jalapeños, fermented jalapeño sauce, ranch sauce

^ I saw someone receive this sandwich with a honey cruller as the bun and assumed that its bun was a honey cruller. Nope. You have to request a honey cruller as its bun or you will receive it with a standard bun.



Big Cluck (P.G. Clucks)
two pieces of chicken, lettuce, pickles, onions, american cheese, mac sauce

Sir John A McDonald (Big House Pizza)
ground all-beef patties, cheddar cheese, pickles, onion, on a sesame seed crust; topped with lettuce, special sauce




Sea Bream Ceviche with Yuzu and Shiso (Foxley)

Bagel Bread Pudding (Schmaltz Appetizing)
—Unpalatable in both taste and texture.

Cereal Killa Prawns (Jackpot Chicken Rice)
butterflied jumbo shrimp, wheat cereal, red chilli, curry leaf, golden egg floss

Complimentary Chili Brown Butter Popcorn (Rasa)

Grasshopper (The Fix)
french mint ice cream, chocolate coating, crushed candy cane, chocolate pearls, fresh mint

Kare Trippa (Uncle Mikey's)
tripe, s&b curry, parmigiano reggiano, grilled sourdough
—A delectable tripe curry.

The Kentucky Pecan Pie (The Carbon Bar)
pecans, 72% bitter chocolate, lot 40 rye cream, pecan brittle

Milk Sorbet, Walnut, White Chocolate (Canis)

Peking Duck Pizza (Levetto)
duck, cucumber, and scallion salad; hoisin sauce, duck crackling

Sweet Ontario Corn (Uncle Mikey's)
grilled, served off the cob; kimchi duck fat, canadian feta


Ziggy Stardust Disco Egg (La Banane)

^ A hand-painted chocolate egg filled with chocolate truffles. I trekked to (La Banane) to try one, but then learned that one costs $50.

$45 Caviar Bagel (Schmaltz Appetizing)
50 grams of american sturgeon caviar with sliced eggs and cream cheese

French Tacos (Mister Frenchy)

Burritos that contain Chow Mein Noodles instead of Rice (Chino Locos)

Mac and Cheeto Burrito (Junked Food Co.)
creamy cheddar mac and cheese, flamin' hot cheetos, lettuce, pico de gallo, cheddar, black olives, sour cream, chili sauce, and jalapeño in a tortilla wrap

Cheese Ribs (James Cheese Back Ribs)
pork back ribs slow-cooked and roasted in house korean bbq sauce; served over molten mozzarella cheese

^ Wyd, Korea?

Shrimp Toast with Laksa Sauce (Jackpot Chicken Rice)
chinese dough fritter, crab paste, coconut curry

^ Youtiao as the bread.

Charred Scallop Ceviche (Jackpot Chicken Rice)
pei scallop, watermelon, chrysanthemum, jalapeño, fried garlic, nam chim

Grilled Beef Heart with Chili Lime Salsa (Foxley)

Roasted Pig's Head Nachos (Bar Hop)

Lobster Nachos (Good Catch Boil House)

Jerk Lasagna (Rasta Pasta)
jerk chicken nestled between layers of lasagna in your choice of alfredo or rose sauce

Jerk Shawarma (Chris Jerk)

Habanero Cruller (Richmond Station)
oolong, coconut, juniper, lime, pineapple, banana mint

Cucumber and Gin (Richmond Station)
jasmine pudding, cucumber jellies, gin lime cloud, jasmine rice sherbet

Toronto Island (The Fix)
vanilla soft serve, lake blue jelly, boat and human cookies

My Little Pony: The Movie Frozen Yogurt (Yogurty's)
blue: white chocolate; pink: cotton candy

Summer Halo Halo (Lake Inez)
strawberry sorbet, coconut granita, cherries, peach gelée, stewed plums, thai basil, rice krispies

Chocolate Bourbon Skull (The Carbon Bar)
bitter chocolate, woodford reserve butter ganache, pecan

Named after Weezer's second album.

Sooo… Queens Pizzeria?


Fuzz Minor

American Satan?


Is that Sam from Game of Thrones? And Goldberg?

Who else is in this?

Ben Bruce of the band ASKING ALEXANDRIA plays Leo Donovan, a charismatic guitar hero.

Malcolm McDowell, the mysterious Mr. Capricorn, preys on the band's naivety.

Olivia Culpo, 2012's Miss Universe, is the love of Johnny's life back in his mid-western home.

Drake Bell stars as Damien – the guy you love to hate.

"The legendary Denise Richards."

Another 2017 film:

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

43. Gay Test (Big Mouth, S01E03)

Honourable Mention

  • Salman Rushdie (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E03)
  • Jimmy's awkward hook-up with Adrienne (You're the Worst, S04E08)
  • Penises playing basketball (Big Mouth, S01E01)
  • ♫: "Everybody Bleeds" (Big Mouth, S01E02)

Stray Observations

  • "I've got a monkey holding a banana like a phone."
    "Who's he calling? [laughs] Oh, it's fun to imagine, right? Michael Jackson." (Bob's Burgers, S08E02)
  • "I had a very productive day yesterday."
    "It's true. It was like Cocoon." (Bob's Burgers, S08E02)
  • "Florida is for people who don't know about Hawaii." (Ghosted, S01E03)
  • "Mitch Bachelor." (Ghosted, S01E03)
  • "I don't like when my clothes billow." (Ghosted, S01E03)
  • "Oh, you guys feeling like rock-and-rollers? Yeah, Coldplay in the house!" (Ghosted, S01E03)

(Ghosted, S01E03)

  • A-Rod playing Flip Cup with the Gronks (Shark Tank, S09E04)
  • ♫: James Carr – "These Ain't Raindrops" (The Deuce, S01E06)
  • "What is your problem? We had something. I felt it. I felt it on the bow, I felt it on the stern, then a few more times on the bow, then the stern again. Then you flipped me over onto my starboard side. I even tried aft for the first time." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E03)
  • "Take your unsucked candy and get back to your desk." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E03)
  • "Oh, you can't 'yoo-hoo' a judge?"
    "You most certainly cannot 'yoo-hoo' a judge." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E03)
  • "For we are not donkeys. Or in Brooklyn, we would say 'dunkeys,' for some reason." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E03)
  • "Fuck you, Elvid!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E03)
  • "Were you just spying on us? Drinking my RC Cola!" (Vice Principals, S02E05)

(Vice Principals, S02E05)

  • "Let's go out back by the dumpsters. I have a huge hole in my panties." (Vice Principals, S02E05)
  • "Don't do it inside my Silverado." (Vice Principals, S02E05)

(WWE Raw, 10-16-17)

  • "He's sensitive. Classic Leno fan." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E03)
  • "You can send back baby corn. You can't send back baby." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E03)
  • Ray Wise doing karaoke (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E03)
  • "Sorry I'm late, guys."
    "What's your excuse today? Uh, another OJ verdict?" (Black-ish, S04E03)
  • "Guess how old fine Angela Bassett is?"
    "Wow! She's 59!"
    "What?! Tina Turner is 77!"
    "Whoa. Crispus Attucks is 294." (Black-ish, S04E03)
  • "This is bad. This is worse than white people with dreadlocks." (The Mayor, S01E03)
  • "We got this tradition where you gotta choose each other's Halloween costume, and whatever gets chosen, you gotta go with it."
    "You gotta commit."
    "Oh, okay, do me."
    "Fernando Valenzuela."
    "Who the hell is that?"
    "Who the hell are you? He's only, like, one of the best pitchers of all time."
    "I've never heard of him."
    "People will love it, trust me. My turn."
    "Randy Johnson."
    "You guys making these names up?"
    "Don't do pitcher just 'cause I did pitcher."
    "No, I'm not. You inspired me. You know, I mean, you got these…floppy limbs and this, like, emaciated face. [pause] No, like, in a good way. [pause] I find Randy Johnson very attractive."
    "All right, whatever. Alba, do Jimmy."
    "Okay, uhh… Garbage."
    "Garbage what? Like the garbage man to drive a truck?"
    "No. No man, no truck. Just…garbage." (The Mick, S02E04)
  • "Dude, I'm just trying to get a drink."
    "All right, well, sit tight, guy. My homegirl's filling up her pumpkin." (The Mick, S02E04)
  • "Who the hell are you?"
    "I'm Randy Johnson." (The Mick, S02E04)
  • "None of you stand a chance against me. No courage, no patience, no brains, and, of course, a bald old man."
    "I'm younger than you."
    "No comeback for the bald thing, I see." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E04)
  • "Hook, line, and sphincter."
    "It's 'sinker.'"
    "No, it's 'sphincter.' That's where you put the hook in when you're eeling." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E04)
  • "Wait a minute. This isn't the championship cummerbund. This is some common cummerbund. And you're not Cheddar. You're just some common bitch." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E04)
  • "Terry also loved the show."
    "No, no, I love Elisabeth Moss. Terry thought the show was too bleak." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E04)
  • Evan Peters as Andy Warhol (American Horror Story, S07E07)
  • "Holy shit. I just got a retweet from Eric Trump." (American Horror Story, S07E07)
  • "Silly girls are all stupid and doomed. History may change, but herstory always repeats itself." (American Horror Story, S07E07)
  • "SCUM stands for the Society for Cutting Up Men." (American Horror Story, S07E07)
  • "We were the Zodiac." (American Horror Story, S07E07)
  • "What did you even say to them anyway?"
    "That you're an enormous pain in the ass and that they shouldn't let you in."
    "Excuse me! I am a joy in the ass!" (Speechless, S02E04)
  • ♫: Characters singing "Milkshake" (Riverdale, S02E02)
  • ♫: Characters singing "Milkshake" (South Park, S21E05)
  • "Cankle Action" (You're the Worst, S04E08)
  • "Sign up for Trunk Club. Pop a few Zoloft. Join in on the live-action cartoon of 2D emotions that everyone else is in." (Mr. Robot, S03E02)
  • ♫: Barenaked Ladies – "One Week" (Mr. Robot, S03E02)
  • "Jason's a nice person, but my suitors were always of a certain…echelon. I used what I called the 'Duke Rule,' because Duke is both minimum acceptable university and rank of nobility." (The Good Place, S02E06)
  • Shrimp dispenser (The Good Place, S02E06)
  • "Diamonds are literally carbon molecules lined up in the most boring way. They're worthless space garbage. What you're holding right now, that's basically meteorite poop." (The Good Place, S02E06)
  • "Nobody try Mystery Flavor. It's white chocolate, and it is nasty." (The Good Place, S02E06)
  • "It was unfortunate that Sal's mom was still alive, because the suit was perfect." (Nathan For You, S04E04)
  • "If there's stuff from her body that she doesn't use…" (Nathan For You, S04E04)
  • Mindhunter Season Grade: C
  • "Now let's watch McConaughey bang two meth heads at a rodeo, and try not to think about AIDS. [breathes heavily] Andrew…"
    "I'm thinking about AIDS." (Big Mouth, S01E01)
  • "Jai ho!" (Big Mouth, S01E01)
  • "Oh, look, the lost and found became a person." (Big Mouth, S01E03)
  • "Lacrosse tryouts are tomorrow. Exciting news for rich sociopaths with a loose concept of consent." (Big Mouth, S01E03)
  • "Ghost cock is like vegan bacon – it just isn't as good as the real thing." (Big Mouth, S01E03)
  • "Everything in the gay community is a thing." (Big Mouth, S01E03)

(Big Mouth, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You