Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

40. Don Hertzfeldt's Couch Gag (The Simpsons, S26E01)

Honourable Mention

  • Caught masturbating (Black-ish, S01E02)
  • Munchie T (Black Jesus, S01E09)

Stray Observations

  • "We gotta carry him 'cause he can't fly on his own. We let that other guy try and look what happened." (Family Guy, S13E01)
  • "I kidnapped all your enemies – Nelson, Jimbo, Principal Skinner, Sideshow Bob, Apu. I know Apu's not your enemy, but I just wanted to say 'I took Apu.'" (Family Guy, S13E01)
  • "We're gonna make it!"
    "Trust me, we're not." (Family Guy, S13E01)
  • "We've had all the fights we're going to have." (Boardwalk Empire, S05E04)
  • Hacking the emergency broadcast system with a G-Drive (The Strain, S01E12)
  • Perfect Bacon Bowl ad (The Strain, S01E12)
  • Masters of Sex Season Grade: C+

(WWE Raw, 09-29-14)

  • Bruce Wayne listening to Swedish metal (Gotham, S01E02)
  • Bruce Wayne cutting himself (Gotham, S01E02)
  • "Are you part of the wedding industry?" (Sleepy Hollow, S02E02)
  • "Do you know what happens when you break a lion's heart?"
    "Did it go to live with a warthog and a meerkat?" (Bad Education, S03E03)
  • "Just doing E, watching that show Ed." (New Girl, S04E03)

Dina's nerd goblin (Face Off, S07E11)

  • Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson – this episode is a New Radicals song (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
  • "Althea? Guess your folks were hoping for a black baby." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
  • "Tiggy, you and me, back door."
    "Giggity." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
  • Tig and Boyd Crowder kiss – there is no box (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)

(The Bridge, S02E13)


Bionic Hellfire

Blood Brothers tour dates…

October 4, 2014: Modern Sky Festival – NYC.

Modern Sky Festival? Never heard of it.

What's with all the Chinese acts?

Modern Sky Festival is an outdoor rock music festival in Beijing, China.

In August 2014, Modern Sky announced its first festival in the United States, to be held in Central Park's Rumsey Playfield October 4–5.

The Blood Brothers, in Central Park, sandwiched between sets by two Chinese acts, leading into Jamie Lidell and Dead Prez celebrating the music of Nigerian synth-funk pioneer William Onyeabor.

Smoke the holy chalice, got my own religion

During a nap today, I dreamt about catching WWE superstar Daniel Bryan, buck naked and corpse pale, with a crew cut and three kitchen knives stuck in the right side of his face, passing through a commercial kitchen on his way to confront Triple H and Stephanie McMahon on stage at a performing arts centre.

I recently began logging my dreams, or what I can remember happened in them.

Previously in Jon's dreams:

I am trapped in a time loop, and a cloaked figure busts down the door of my hotel room and shoots me in the sole of my left foot with an arrow, which tunnels through skate shoe, flesh, and bone to create a glory hole.

I am at a school for invisible people, dabbing paint on my head so that it can be seen. I then pick up Chinese take-out from celebrity chef Susur Lee.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

39. Bono's daughter's night with Clive Owen (The Knick, S01E07)

Magnificent — Soderbergh firing on all cylinders.

Honourable Mention

  • The tunnel (The Strain, S01E11)
  • That sound and that gesture (The League, S06E04)
  • Army running cadence (Key and Peele, S04E01)
  • Marvel can't fail (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)

Stray Observations

  • "CBS doesn't like dildos." (Masters of Sex, S02E11)
  • Mrs. Martinez is unbearable (The Strain, S01E11)
  • "Now I know another way to kill them."
    "Next outing, you carry the power transformer." (The Strain, S01E11)
  • Cracked iPhone screen – womp womp (The Strain, S01E11)
  • The Master's make-up – woof (The Strain, S01E11)

(Mr. Pickles, S01E01)

  • "He no rape me. But if you don't rape me, I tell them you rape me!" (Mr. Pickles, S01E01)
  • "That pill head looney bird." (Gotham, S01E01)
  • Timothy Busfield as Benjamin Franklin (Sleepy Hollow, S02E01)
  • "If pot were a piano, Nick would be a nine-year-old Chinese girl." (New Girl, S04E02)
  • "We have more work to do than the Kings of Leon. Good band, but it feels like they are stuck in one place musically." (New Girl, S04E02)
  • Wizard Wars Season Grade: C+
  • Field hockey? How does his son not play lacrosse? (Black-ish, S01E01)
  • Nathan Fielder and Seth Rogen, together again (The League, S06E04)
  • Holy short-haired, clean-shaven Jason Mantzoukas! (The League, S06E04)
  • Look at these fucking guest stars: Nathan Fielder, June Diane Raphael, Jorma Taccone, David Krumholtz, Steve Little, Jerry Minor, Andrew Daly, Lizzy Caplan… (The League, S06E04)

Jerry Jones (South Park, S18E01)

  • "The world can only bear so much before sunderance." (The Bridge, S02E12)
  • "I need to go to the ATM first." (The Bridge, S02E12)
  • Aaaand Linder goes out like a chump (The Bridge, S02E12)
  • "Peter Atencio." (Key and Peele, S04E01)
  • "Belly full of toes." (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E02)

(The Knick, S01E07)

  • Ambushing viewers with an arm amputation (The Knick, S01E07)
  • Darrell Hammond as announcer will take some getting used to (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)
  • Pete Davidson is the first SNL cast member born in the 1990s (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)
  • "Devin Peters, Stanford." (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)


Faces of the civil wars and holograms holding .44s

John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats fame wrote a novel, Wolf in White Van.

When you search for it on Google Play, the second result is what appears to be a romance novel titled Vegetarian Mate.

[Erotic Paranormal Menage a Quatre Romance, M/F/M/M, werewolves, HEA]

Rochelle Murphy is looking for adventure and takes to the road. In desperate need of a bathroom, she stops at a large estate and asks to use the facilities. After an unconventional and humorous meeting, Jarrod, Malcolm, and Braxton Friess know that the feisty, klutzy Rochelle is their mate—and a vegetarian.

"This klutzy vegetarian is The One."

Time and again Rochelle injures herself, and whilst she is recuperating, the three Friess brothers try to woo her into their hearts as well as their beds. Finally Rochelle accepts the three brothers, but they have unintentionally left out a significant fact, which sends Rochelle looking for some time out.

Note: There is no sexual relationship or touching for titillation between or among siblings.

No incest. Just good clean wholesome fraternal lycanthropic polyamory.

I'm at a Wetzel's Pretzels, and a sign on its cash register notes that this Wetzel's Pretzels no longer accepts $50 and $100 bills because "too many counterfeits."

Who are these people buying pretzels with counterfeit $50 and $100 bills? And are they just paying with $50 and $100 bills, or are they buying, like, $85 worth of pretzels?

Carve it all up, you'll find nothing

And the best television show title of 2014 is…

Scrotal Recall !

Folk-rock singer Johnny Flynn plays Dylan Witter, a man diagnosed with chlamydia who must contact a different former sexual partner in each episode to inform them of the possible souvenir of him that they possess.

Lost in the all the talk about True Detective season two is that Tom Hardy is playing an adversary of Cillian Murphy's gangster boss in series two of Peaky Blinders. Bane vs. Scarecrow in 1920s England!

Only Jews and Pussies

I have never seen it, but Training Day seems like an odd film for marketers to keep referencing.

over a decade of training day references

I like how End of Watch is deemed worthy enough to be referenced, but not so much that it can't just say "from the writer and director of End of Watch."

"Bang Bang! is an upcoming Bollywood adaptation of Knight and Day produced by Fox Star Studios."

Knight and Day? That's an odd choice for a film to adapt.

[googles "fox star studios productions"]

"Mr. X is an upcoming Bollywood adaptation of Hollow Man."


[googles "bollywood adaptation training day"]

"Shagird is a Bollywood film loosely inspired by Training Day."

So ostensible American cultural classic Training Day doesn't merit a full Bollywood adaptation, but Knight and Day and Hollow Man do?

The director of Shagird should pen a loose adaptation of End of Watch.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

38. Fausto makes a hostage video (The Bridge, S02E11)

Stray Observations

  • "WHY MUST IT ALWAYS BE PANDEMONIUM?!" (Boardwalk Empire, S05E02)
  • MasterChef Season Grade: C
  • "Mein Kampf was the name of John Barrowman's autobiography…?" (Bad Education, S03E01)
  • "Do guys still like an Oakland face with an L.A. booty?" (New Girl, S04E01)
  • "Looks like Jeffrey and Lauren want us to share in their joy. How 'bout they share in my chocolate pocket?"
    "What does that mean?!"
    "In my butt!" (New Girl, S04E01)

Drew's serpent soldier make-up (Face Off, S07E09)

  • RT: "Ah yes. Terrible music during a chase scene. A proud SOA tradition." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E02)
  • "I am done playing by nigger rules!" (Sons of Anarchy, S07E02)
  • "I'm only reading it to attract a Mormon. I heard their lungs are perfect for transplants." (Red Band Society, S01E01)
  • "Luck isn't getting what you want; it's surviving what you don't want." (Red Band Society, S01E01)
  • "I will hasten him off this planet." (The Bridge, S02E11)
  • "Yeast Mode." (The League, S06E03)
  • "Children-friendly Watts." (Black Jesus, S01E07)

(Black Jesus, S01E07)


[sigh] Alright. Here we go…