Houstonfornication

A childhood friend of mine is getting married next March in Byron Bay, Australia (her fiancée is Australian).

As I have never visited Australia, and flights to and from Australia are 14 hours long, I figured I should stay a while.

It was only after booking a non-refundable ticket arriving March 4 and departing March 28 that it occurred to me that I won't be able to use my phone at will for basically an entire month.

Oof. Verizon's TravelPass is $10 per day.


I'm spending a week in Portland, Oregon this month prior to my hero Tony Fader's wedding, staying in a Airbnb because hotels in Portland are unwelcomingly priced.

My one issue with Airbnbs is that they don't uniformly have gyms.

Idea: MoviePass, but for accessing gyms while traveling. $10-15 drop-in fees rack up, and I don't want to fill out a fitness analysis and have an orientation with a membership counselor before using a multiple-day trial pass.


Netflix Original Film Idea: A remake of the 1992 film Stay Tuned in which Roy and Helen are sucked into Netflix and must survive its programming for 24 hours.


Overwatch Me

Idea: Juul Camel.


You know what you never see in unearthed tweets? The word "kike." It has seemingly been eradicated from discourse, like smallpox, whereas "nigger" and "faggot" persist, like measles and pertussis, because of irresponsible parents.

[searches Adam Riff™'s archive for "nigger"]

23 results.

[searches Adam Riff™'s archive for "faggot"]

30 results.

I can never be in the news.


Haunted House Idea: In one room, two black men barbecuing. In another, a black girl selling water. Every room is just black people doing mundane stuff.


Eater's Digest: West San Francisco Bay Area

June/July 2018

// San Francisco / North Beach


Unicorn Tuna Tartare (Comstock Saloon)
unicorn juice, strawberries, thai herbs, fried shallots

^ Not sure why my tuna was room temperature.


Green Curry Churros (Comstock Saloon)
coconut cream foam

^ Anemic.


"Eggs Benedict" (Comstock Saloon)

^ With a pleasantly citrusy queso instead of a hollandaise sauce and tots instead of muffin.


Caviar Chexx (Comstock Saloon)
tsar nicoulai caviar, whipped crème fraîche

^ $8.00.


Lo Mein Cacio e Pepe (Comstock Saloon)
pecorino, parmesan, szechuan pepper

^ A bowl of oil with some noodles in it.


// San Francisco / Financial District

Deviled Egg Salad Sandwich (City Counter)
crushed salt and vinegar chips, counter sauce, mustard greens, sliced sourdough
—It's an egg salad sandwich.


// Cupertino

Aloo Chaat Pizza (Curry Pizza House)
red sauce, marinated potatoes, mint, red onion, cheese, fresh cilantro
—The mint makes it.

Tandoori Wings (Curry Pizza House)
chicken wings marinated in special tandoori sauce
—Delectable.


// San Mateo

(Wursthall) is Internet food guru J. Kenji López-Alt's biergarten.


Plain Bratkartoffeln (Wursthall)
crispy fried potatoes, chives, mustard aioli

^ Deep-fried, not pan-fried.


Impossible Döner Kebap Sandwich (Wursthall)
vegan döner, turkish spices, döner sauce, pickled cucumbers, pickled chiles, arugula, red onions, cilantro, turkish bread, with mixed greens and house potato salad

^ My first experience with Impossible "meat." Endorsed.

Al Pastor Wurst (Wursthall)
pork, dried chiles, pineapple, speck-cherry pepper relish
—Un perro caliente.


Pumpkin Seed Sundae (Wursthall)
vanilla ice cream, pumpkin seed brittle, pumpkin seed oil, smoked sea salt

^ Great. Oil and ice cream really works for me.


// San Francisco / Pacific Heights

Pickled Strawberry Banana Natto Bread Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
fermented natto beans baked into a banana cake; vinegar and yuzu-spike, housemade pickled strawberries
—…As does vinegar and ice cream.

Breakaway Matcha and Black Raspberry Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
breakaway green tea, orange, roasted jam made with black raspberries and wild blueberries

Mt Tam Cheese with Toasted Acme Bread Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
cowgirl creamery mt tam cheese, homemade sour cherry and apricot jam, bits of acme bread's fruit and walnut bread that we toast and candy

Goat Cheese Marionberry Habanero Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
—Incohesive.


// San Francisco / Mid-Market

Chocolate-Habanero Soft Serve (Kaya)
pomegranate molasses and lime
—Seemed like the only heat came from the molasses drizzled on top.


Fried Plantains (Kaya)
black bean sauce and sour cream

^ Galaxy brain sweet and savoury.


// San Francisco / Ferry Building Marketplace


Pulled Pork and Pineapple Tacro (Viva La Tarte)
handcrafted croissant shell, pickled greens, fresh mango, house green and red salsa

^ Difficult to eat as a taco. The pulled pork was surprisingly good.


// Santa Clara

Potato Taquitos (Puesto)
guajillo chipotle tortilla, queso fresco, classic guacamole, salsa fresca, black garlic chile oil
—The salsa fresca and black garlic chile oil "sauces" are stupendous.


Filet Mignon Taco (Puesto)
crispy melted cheese, avocado, spicy pistachio serrano

^ Pro: Is tasty. Con: Is $7.75 each.


Charred Mango Cheesecake (Puesto)
almond corn crust, mango jamaica coulis


Chocoflan Piñata (Puesto)
dark chocolate cake, vanilla bean flan, cajeta

^ Chocolate cake topped with caramel topped with vanilla flan topped with sprinkles and pearls that you disseminate by cracking open a white chocolate sphere on a golf tee with a mallet.

#eatersdigest

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

30. Spencer Gifts (Who Is America?, S01E02)


Honourable Mention

  • Kingman, AZ Town Hall (Who Is America?, S01E02)
  • Timberland Motor Court Trial (Castle Rock, S01E03)
  • Robot Hotel (Dark Tourist, S01E02)

Stray Observations

  • Ghosted Season Grade: D
  • Pose Season Grade: C
  • "We should talk to some girls."
    "Hey, little tip: Ask 'em where they were on 9/11. If they don't know, they could be under 21." (Succession, S01E08)
  • "Hey, uhh, may I ask you, where were you on 9/11?" (Succession, S01E08)
  • "Greg tells me you swallowed your own load."
    "Yeah, it was… Yeah, it was pretty wild. It's cool, though, 'cause it's like I didn't cheat, 'cause all the sperm stayed in my own body, like a closed-loop system." (Succession, S01E08)
  • "How does it feel being the king of terrorist killers? I mean, you killed 100,000 actual terrorists and about 700,000 potential terrorists." (Who Is America?, S01E02)
  • "It's okay if I just get a quick Dick pic?" (Who Is America?, S01E02)
  • "Since he was adopted by Jessica Simpson, his life is much better." (Who Is America?, S01E02)
  • Mostly 4 Millennials Season Grade: C
  • "What are Violent Femmes?" (Castle Rock, S01E03)
  • Stan Lee cameo (Cloak and Dagger, S01E09)
  • "We just had a little chica try to buy our product ho sale."
    "Is you trying to say 'wholesale,' nigga?"
    "That's what I said! A ho wanting to make a sale!" (Snowfall, S02E02)


(Detroiters, S02E07)

  • "We were like a spread of dicks all over." (Dark Tourist, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Joe Pera Talks With You

#clipoftheweek


I just did your fuckin podcast

Are paywalls making us stupider?

If I click on a link to an article and it's behind a paywall, my interest plummets.

I can live without reading beyond one graf…


I saw a Twitter moment about billionaire doomsday bunkers and…

Why not spend money trying to prevent doomsday instead? Wouldn't you rather live out your life anywhere on Earth instead of inside a bunker, no matter how luxurious it is?

We need a reality programme that locks a group of rich people inside a bunker to show rich people the future that they're preparing for, one in which other people have no reason to respect or serve them.

Ankylosing Spondylitis

Wikipedia » Dancing with the Stars (U.S. TV series):

Samantha Harris co-hosted seasons two through nine and Brooke Burke-Charvet in seasons ten through seventeen.


In April 2014, Samantha Harris announced that she was diagnosed with breast cancer and would undergo a double mastectomy.


On November 8, 2012, Brooke Burke-Charvet announced she had thyroid cancer and underwent surgery.


Erin Andrews became co-host in season eighteen.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

29. Gun with Dick and Jane (Who Is America?, S01E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Not every time, but once in a while, when we have sex, I want you to urinate on me. Everybody's got a thing, I guess. Right? I like it when you can aim, you know?" (Pose, S01E07)
  • "My demons are not remotely tackled, they're just mildly concussed." (Sharp Objects, S01E02)
  • "I knew a woman in Paris. She did what you do. She was very intelligent."
    […]
    "You know my friend from Paris who was your way? She actually was murdered. It was nothing to do with her being a prostitute, it was to do with a restaurant that went poof." (Succession, S01E07)
  • "I'm a cisgender, white, heterosexual male, for which I apologize." (Who Is America?, S01E01)
  • "I stopped in South Carolina to dine with a couple who suffer from white privilege." (Who Is America?, S01E01)
  • "And so we've started this menstrual flag program, and it's actually sponsored by the Clinton Foundation." (Who Is America?, S01E01)
  • "I've even got a glow in my eye."
    "Yeah, that's some of the cum." (Who Is America?, S01E01)
  • The fine art consultant donating pubic hair (Who Is America?, S01E01)


(Mostly 4 Millennials, S01E05)


Joey BadA$$ (Mostly 4 Millennials, S01E05)

  • "You saw that kid. I mean, what he can do."
    "I'm from New York. I've seen it before. I ever tell you about my friend Misty?" (Cloak and Dagger, S01E08)
  • "Where was I?"
    "Uhh, you was gettin' ready to ruin the rest of the fuckin' movie."
    "Damn right. And he go, 'Say hello to my little friend.' Bang! Boom! Pop! Get him, muhfucka! Boom, man!"
    "Yo, he bad. I seen the shit twice."
    "Yeah, cuz."
    "So he live?"
    "What? Nah, man, everybody in that muhfucka die." (Snowfall, S02E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Joe Pera Talks With You

#clipoftheweek