It looks like our favorite dad was drugging girls


I have mixed feelings about Jim Rome saying that fallen soldiers made the ultimate sacrifice. "Sacrifice" suggests intent, and no one joins the military to die. When a construction worker falls to his or her death, we don't regard it as a sacrifice of life, but rather an occupational hazard.

Chlorine and Wine

In a dream last night, I struggled to come up with a word that rhymes with "Catholic."

When I awoke from that dream, I reached for my mobile and googled "rhymes with Catholic."

"Affleck"? [checks Oxford English Dictionary] Yeah, "affleck" isn't a word.


Weak rhymes, the lot.

Off to Los Angeles.

[sigh] Boss wants me to move back permanently.

[gazes longingly at Seattle]

Live-Thog: Spectre

Is Gerard Butler the president?!

"Tell the truth. [pause] Tell the truth!" is no "I'm the captain now."

Sony's Oscar horses: Dan Rather misreported a story, Nigerian pathologist battles the NFL.

The second most expensive film of all time should have better chroma keying than this.

Is that Wagner Moura?

[Batista kills Pablo Escobar]

Hmm. Probably not Wagner Moura.

This is a dull car chase. The only destruction has been that oddly placed car. What time is it in Rome? Where are people?

Where did he get that airplane?

Planes, trains, and automobiles, and helicopters, and boats…

Surely her father didn't hang new drywall every time he left this hotel room.

Death by kegs.

Bond has a type – family members of the recently deceased.

WWE already did it.

"Can Bruce Wayne and Batman ever truly co-exist?" [starts timer]

Christoph Waltz = The Riddler. Moriarty = Two-Face. Nine Eyes = The Box.

Deus net machina.

Not Wagner Moura.

Idea: Special editions of Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace, and Skyfall with Christoph Waltz inserted into the background of scenes. Or a prequel about their time as brothers.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

45. Age Progression Specialist (Nathan for You, S03E04)

Honourable Mention

  • Locking the picture (Project Greenlight, S04E08)
  • You Break It, You Buy It (Nathan for You, S03E04)
  • "Lose Yourself" debate (Master of None, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • "Why don't you put the gun down and we'll talk. Umm, have some falafel?" (The Walking Dead, S06E04)
  • Brett Butler! (The Leftovers, S02E04)
  • ♫: Regina Spektor – "Laughing With" (The Leftovers, S02E04)
  • Doctor Who's penis! (The Leftovers, S02E05)
  • Project Greenlight Season Grade: B
  • "Let me ask you a question. How long have you been a two-faced slut?" (Gotham, S02E07)
  • Death by stiletto heel (Gotham, S02E07)
  • The closing credits song – Holly Hunter sings it as a lullaby in Raising Arizona (Fargo, S02E04)
  • "I'm their Kramer." (Grandfathered, S01E05)
  • "You didn't get that line from a book, did you? You got it from a little show Entertainment Weekly called 'one of the more competent legal dramas in quite some time.'" (The Grinder, S01E05)
  • "This is not a Long Duk Dong situation." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E06)
  • Gak – "Of course there's hair in it." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E06)
  • "When I was two, what breakfast cereal did I accidentally breathe into my lungs and nearly die? …I…X."
    "Dix? You choked on dix?" (Scream Queens, S01E07)
  • "News flash, felchers. Rat poison only works because rodents don't have a gag reflex. If you gave a human rat poison, they would immediately puke it all up. So not only would I have survived your attempt on my life, it would have also made me skinnier." (Scream Queens, S01E07)
  • "Her treacherous slatch already droops like wet clay." (The Bastard Executioner, S01E08)
  • "You put me in charge."
    "No, I put you in place. Don't confuse the two." (Empire, S02E06)
  • The Burp King of Westchester is ubiquitous (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • "Bitches want pâté?" (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • "You don't lack beauty; you lack commitment." (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • ♫: Kim Carnes – "Bette Davis Eyes" (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • "Goddesses don't speak in whispers; they scream." (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • Nick Kroll clearly negotiated a reduced schedule when re-upping (The League, S07E09)
  • "I met with Cornelius Ladd, an age progression specialist I found on Craigslist." (Nathan for You, S03E04)
  • "My wife and my kids, they died in space. It was an accident." (Nathan for You, S03E04)
  • "I could be very helpful in securing a long future for you here at the Knick." [accidentally sets himself on fire] (The Knick, S02E04)
  • "I ate a lot of diapers. A lot. That dirty diaper taste in the back of your mouth, there's just nothing like it. But I'm here to say that you can have a life without walking around munching on every dirty diaper you come across." (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
  • "I'd like to sing a few songs for you, songs I knew from when I was just a little girl." [sings "Three Blind Mice"] (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
  • ♫: Original song written by Eric Wareheim and performed by Bonnie "Prince" Billy (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
  • "It's not for people to just take it and go. This isn't New Orleans." (Master of None, S01E02)
  • "Taye Diggs? He hates celery." (Master of None, S01E03)
  • "Dude, it's a Father John Misty show. There's gonna be white people everywhere." (Master of None, S01E03)
  • "'XOXO' – that's good. It means 'hugs and kisses.'"
    "No, 'XOXO' means 'go fuck yourself.'"
    "Hmm. Well, if that's true, then all the letters my grandmother wrote me ended with 'Go fuck yourself, Grandma.'" (Master of None, S01E03)
  • Booty Call! (Master of None, S01E04)
  • "Indians, Asians, gays – there can be one, but there can't be two." (Master of None, S01E04)
  • "You're being a bit of an Uncle Taj." (Master of None, S01E04)
  • "Is Mindy Kaling real?" (Master of None, S01E04)
  • Carrie Mathison is married to Stan Beeman (Master of None, S01E05)
  • "Batman has a Batmobile. Thor has a Thor-mobile."
    "I don't think he does." (Master of None, S01E05)
  • "Colin Salmon is Car-man." (Master of None, S01E05)
  • Television Episode of the Year nominee (Master of None, S01E09)
  • "I'm over here trying to listen to my CM Punk interview, dude." (Master of None, S01E10)
  • Master of None Season Grade: C+


Pee on this stick, makes me sick

Today, my stream of consciousness led me to Barbara Billingsley, and…

Are you ever unsure whether or not a celebrity is still alive? It happens to me a lot.

[cue montage of Jon thought-ballooned]

Is Phil Donahue still alive?
Is Dionne Warwick still alive?
Is Little Richard still alive?
Is Wink Martindale still alive?
Is Burt Bacharach still alive?
Is Willard Scott still alive?
Is Hugh Downs still alive?
Is Bob Dole still alive?
Is The Frugal Gourmet still alive?
Is Ron Popeil still alive?
Is Punky Brewster's foster father / Commandant Lassard still alive?
Is Mona on Who's the Boss? still alive?
Is Orson Bean still alive?
Remember when Orson Bean was on Loveline?
Remember when Fletcher of NOFX vomited on Dr. Drew?
Remember "The Dr. Drew Shuffle"?

Barbara Billingsley is dead.

New Post Who Dis

Wikipedia » Florida–Georgia football rivalry

The two universities do not agree on when the rivalry began.

I would understand this if Georgia hadn't won both first games.

Wikipedia » Florida Georgia Line

Florida Georgia Line is an American bro-country duo.


Wikipedia » Bro-country

The "bro-country" movement has been criticized for its subject matter, namely repeated lyrical themes of partying associated with Friday nights, alcoholic beverages, "painted on" jeans, mud/dust, a rural setting of some sort (like a river or creek), boots, tobacco, and trucks, as well as its exclusion of female country artists.

The popularity of the genre opened up a divide between the older generation of country singers and the bro country singers which was described as "civil war."

Idea: A variation on The Warriors in which each gang is a musical sub-genre – the bro-country gang, the gangsta rap gang…

Netflix should commission and release 10 country music awards shows at once.

Friends With Benadryl

IMDb's list of actors who have appeared on Hawaii Five-0 is amazing. The more you scroll down, the more you are rewarded. David Keith and Keith David!

Game Idea: Five Degrees of Daniel Dae Kim.

Oh. It's November. Time to re-subscribe to Spotify Premium.

I have $15 in my budget that I move around depending on the time of year.

Nov-Dec 2015
Spotify Premium to facilitate the creation of my year-end mix.

Jan-Apr 2016
WWE Network for WrestleMania season.

Apr-Jun 2016
HBO Now to watch Game of Thrones live.

Summit Ice apparel (as seen on Nathan for You, S03E02) has already rung up over $45,000 in sales, The Movement (as seen on Nathan for You, S03E03) is an Amazon best seller, and Shout! Factory will release seasons one and two of Nathan for You on home video next week.

This holiday season, give the gift of Nathan Fielder.

Bonus Features
• Audio Commentary On "Private Investigator / Taxi Company" With Special Guest Salomon Flores
• Audio Commentary On "Souvenir Shop / ELAIFF" With Special Guest William Heath (Bill Gates Impersonator)
• "Dumb Starbucks" – Extended Parody Songs

What could have been.

No one serves coffee, no one wakes up

Idea for next Halloween: Cover my front stoop with peanuts and distribute $100 bills.

No, set up a peanut gauntlet leading to my front door. You must navigate a laser maze-style maze of ropes that are slathered in peanut butter, crawl through a tunnel with fan at the end blowing peanut flour at you, and then jump in and cross a ball pit filled with peanuts to ring my doorbell.

And for those who opt not to run the gauntlet, I will place a bowl of carrot sticks outside the ropes maze. "Please take only one!"

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

44. Porn? (Nathan for You, S03E03)

Honourable Mention

  • Jessica tries to punish the teen boys (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • Devil's Night dinner (American Horror Story, S05E04)

Stray Observations

  • "He's clearly the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot, Harry Pop-tart." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E05)
  • "My waffle xylophone on the cheese man."
    "My lip reading is not flawless." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E05)
  • Rickroll! (The Leftovers, S02E04)
  • ♫: Lo-Fang – "You're the One That I Want" (The Leftovers, S02E04)

(The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)

  • "Look at this dumb outfit I borrowed from Melissa. This needs, like, a pineapple on it, or a giraffe, or children sliding down a rainbow. I mean, this is not me." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)
  • "So I pulled a gun on him – you guys know I do that from time to time." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)

"A mallet. That's, uhhh, useful." (Gotham, S02E06)

  • "Say, you wouldn't by any chance be Mike Milligan and the Kitchen brothers, would you?
    "You make us sound like a prog rock band." (Fargo, S02E03)
  • "We're a very friendly people."
    "Pretty unfriendly, actually. But it's the way you're unfriendly, how you're so polite about it, like you're doing me a favour." (Fargo, S02E03)
  • "I am not a crook." (Fargo, S02E03)
  • "Don't you want to experience the one thing white people do better than us?"
    "Begging for candy in a disguise to hide your shame?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "I'm going as Humpty Hump from the Digital Underground."
    "I love Burger King bathrooms!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "Tic Tacs to the face! Tic tacs in your face!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "She's so cool."
    "I bet she drinks Zima." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)

"UPS delivery lamb. Nice costume, Emery. You too, Evan. A lazy goalie."
"Go on. Deliver that goalie." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)

(Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)

  • "Aren't you embarrassed? A grown woman dressed as a pig?"
    "I'm Miss Piggy. Kermit's girlfriend?"
    "Pigs don't date. Pigs feed a crowd at a reasonable price." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • The Mask = "Jazz Gumby." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "Jeff friggin' Lynne…" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "What are thooooooose?!" (Black-ish, S02E06)
  • "They're just children. They don't have arts programs. They can't help themselves." (Black-ish, S02E06)
  • "Your refrigerator game has exploded in the last 5-7 years." (Black-ish, S02E06)
  • 1999: Tweek vs. Craig. 2015: Tweek x Craig (South Park, S19E06)
  • "Wow. Our town has only had a Whole Foods for three weeks and we already have our first gay kids." (South Park, S19E06)
  • "The Asians decide who's gonna be gay?" (South Park, S19E06)
  • Karaoke video (South Park, S19E06)
  • "He's a genius, like Galileo or Peter Frampton." (American Horror Story, S05E04)
  • "I don't eat salad."
    "Jeffrey likes dark meat." (American Horror Story, S05E04)
  • "What am I supposed to do without a quarterback?"
    "I dunno… Pick up Andy Dalton off the waiver wire."
    "You know that I'm a card-carrying member of the ADL."
    "What is the ADL?"
    "The Andy Defamation League, where I get together with a group of people and talk shit about Andy Dalton." (The League, S07E08)
  • "We missed you at the bibimbapluck." (The League, S07E08)
  • The book is available on Amazon for $11 (Nathan for You, S03E03)
  • "Chapter 9: Baboons." (Nathan for You, S03E03)
  • "A while ago, I was working with a jungle child. His name was Dendy. He was a great inspiration for me. Unfortunately, he tragically died when baboons kidnapped and ate him." (Nathan for You, S03E03)

(Nathan for You, S03E03)

  • "I'm just about to haul noogies." (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E01)