Jonathan Friend

Motherland is described as an epic military fantasy set in an alternate America where witches ended their persecution 300 years ago by cutting a deal with the U.S. government to fight for their country. [source]


"Jimmy Fallon's 'Lip Sync Battle' Gets Spike Series Order"
"'Carpool Karaoke' Series Coming Exclusively to Apple Music"
"TBS Orders James Corden 'Late Late Show' Bit 'Drop the Mic' to Series"

Series spin-offs of recurring late night talk show segments are the new film spin-offs for recurring Saturday Night Live characters.

I suppose America's Got Talent is Stupid Human Tricks, and Billy on the Street is Jaywalking.

Mean Tweets: The Series?


I thought "To Tell the Truth with food" was Food Network scraping the bottom of the barrel, and then I saw an ad for Food Network Star Kids.

How many kids versions of Food Network shows is that now?

Chopped Junior, Cupcake Wars Kids, Rachael vs. Guy: Kids Cook-Off, Kids Baking Championship, Kids BBQ Championship

The Food Network playbook:
• Rip off an existing show
• Themed episodes
• Tournaments
• Kids version

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


33. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog stages a focus group with Trump's biggest supporters, presenting a series of increasingly outrageous and extremely fake campaign ads, to find out how far they're willing to go in support of their candidate. (Triumph, Summer Election Special 2016)


Honourable Mention

  • Muslim Dunk Tank (Triumph, Summer Election Special 2016)
  • Rapper Warrior Ninja (The Eric Andre Show, S04E02)

Stray Observations

  • Ellen (The Night Of, S01E05)
  • Duane Reade (The Night Of, S01E05)


(Brad Neely's Harg Nallin' Sclopio Peepio, S01E05)

  • Alf (Mr. Robot, S02E05)
  • "Immigrants don't enter America nearly as often as Donald Trump enters immigrants." (Triumph, Summer Election Special 2016)
  • "If I fuck up my pants, I'm-a kill you twice." (The Get Down, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Eric Andre Show

#clipoftheweek

Fish Delight

If no black people could be on the USA men's basketball team, would it medal?


My "below zero" film synopses starting five:

Live-Thog: Suicide Squad

Not feeling Marvel Studios' new logo.

I have Samuel L. Jackson fatigue.


Louisiana exists in the DC universe, but New York City does not.

Hotel Cortez.

Easy on the music cues, Ayer.

How much steak did Viola Davis have to spit out?

Free association: Driving down Yonge Street = Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.

Yonge Street geography is wonky. Joker drives past the Hard Rock Cafe twice.

Is that Kyle Bornheimer?

Who is this playing the casino boss? Is he a rapper?

Joel Kinnaman eating a drumstick in the dark.

Waller knew that June released Enchantress by opening an idol, yet kept a similar idol on a shelf in her home, unguarded.

Will Smith's dialogue makes you appreciate George Lucas' writing.

"Without Me"! To Meyers Leonard's delight.

Title drop!

Yonge-Dundas is both Gotham City and Midway City.

The Native American dies first – twist!

I'm confused. Waller sent them on a mission to rescue her?! Never mind the SWIRLING SKY PORTAL nearby…

Aaaand rain arrives, because of course.

"Not me, shorty."

Killer Croc is Will Smith's dialogue incarnate.

A suicide squad of shitty Marvel film villains: Ultron, Ronan, Electro, Malekith, Whiplash…

Killer Croc wants BET.

Killer Croc watching BET Uncut.

Jared Leto was second-billed for seven minutes of screen time.

That was Adebisi as Killer Croc?

Not Kyle Bornheimer — Hopper on Stranger Things.

Each Twenty One Pilots single is more irritating than the last.

Random stars.

A Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead-type film that follows Joker during the events of Suicide Squad.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

32. American Authors…in a human centipede (The Eric Andre Show, S04E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Donnie looks distractingly like Bradley Cooper (Preacher, S01E10)
  • "You're not God, are you?"
    "I am the alpha and the omega."
    "No, you're not. I just saw you picking your nose."
    "Noo…my son, I was…scratching it." (Preacher, S01E10)
  • Preacher Season Grade: C
  • "I bet when she gets up here she smells like fucked buttholes." (Vice Principals, S01E03)
  • "My wine sack! Who did this? Who drank my Chablis?!"
    "No one drank it. We poured it out. The pouch made it taste all meaty." (Vice Principals, S01E03)
  • "Ma'am, if I may, why drug him? Would've been just as easy to shoot and leave."
    "Killing a man instantly robs him of explanation. He has no time to process his final moments. Now, even though he was paralyzed, his mind was still able to understand why his life was ending. We let him die with answers. Otherwise, we're nothing but ruthless murderers." (Mr. Robot, S02E04)
  • Josh Groban Night (Mr. Robot, S02E04)
  • "It's like having sex with a protractor." (Fleabag, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Eric Andre Show

#clipoftheweek


Ed, if you hear me, I think of you often

Far Side Squad: A cow, a caveman, a scientist, et al.

If you trick-or-treat or chaperone trick-or-treaters, this Halloween, do you skip houses with a Trump yard sign?

Nativity Scene Idea: Manger Things. Mike is Joseph, Eleven is Mary, and Will, Dustin, and Lucas are the Magi. Hopper is a shepherd.

Imagine if John Turturro's lawyer character on The Night Of was John Turturro's lawyer character in Brain Donors.

Beers Alone Again

Oh, honey… Just live in the East Bay!


Bay Area Hipster Chef Roast with Kyle Kinane, Paco Romane, Drew Platt, Richie Nakano and More
5:45pm – 6:15pm
Bay Area comedians join together to roast three time "James Mustache Award" winner, "Chef Kale Hendrix."

They're roasting a fake chef?

Skew It On The Bar-B with Big Boi, Animal's Jon Shook & Vinny Dotolo and State Bird's Stuart Brioza
7:00pm – 7:30pm
Powerhouse chefs share key "skewing" tips with Big Boi.

Chris Cosentino and Jillionaire from Major Lazer
4:25pm – 4:55pm
Chris Cosentino roasts a full albacore to the global beats of Jillionaire.


[browsing Smorgasburg LA vendors]

White Guy Pad Thai… No relation to White Boy Tacos.

White Dude China Food.

White Chap Bibimbap.


3. General Tso'boy
Chinese po'boys, with fillings like General Tso's chicken, honey walnut shrimp, and mapo tofu.

Less Art

"I turned up to discuss my look, expecting we'd have a long discussion and slowly he refine it," says Courtney, "David [Ayer] just walked right in, picked up some clippers and started shearing chunks of hair off my head, Eventually he said, 'You look like bad news.' Then he left."

Elsewhere Ayer made Joel Kinnaman (Rick Flag) watch classified military videos the actor describes as "horrific shit," and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (Killer Croc) listened to tapes of Japanese cannibal Issei Sagawa while having his prosthetic make up applied. [source]

We need a documentary on the making of Suicide SquadFarts of Darkness.


Previously on Adam Riff™:
On May 1, Adam Robot and I each drafted 10 films set for release between May 1 and August 31. Whoever's slate earns the most money domestically by Labour Day wins. I won a pre-draft game of rock-paper-scissors to select first, after which we alternated selections.


As of August 1:
 

Jon
1. Captain America: Civil War $406,938,832
2. Finding Dory $469,115,677
3. Suicide Squad
4. Independence Day: Resurgence $101,964,419
5. Star Trek Beyond $106,474,717
6. Jason Bourne $59,215,365
7. Now You See Me 2 $64,554,806
8. The Purge: Election Year $78,392,445
9. The Conjuring 2 $102,119,412
10. The Secret Life of Pets $296,882,885
$1,685,658,558

 

Adam Robot
1. The BFG $52,146,349
2. Alice Through the Looking Glass $76,645,512
3. X-Men: Apocalypse $155,442,489
4. Ghostbusters $106,497,206
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows $81,372,038
6. Warcraft $47,225,655
7. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising $55,340,730
8. Pete's Dragon
9. Central Intelligence $125,300,228
10. Ice Age: Collision Course $42,598,462
$742,568,669

 
Let's check in on Adam Robot:

In order to beat me, he needs Pete's Dragon to earn at least a billion dollars.