Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

36. Televised Murder (WWE Raw, 08-28-17)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: Eddie Vedder (Twin Peaks, S03E16)
  • ♫: "Audrey's Dance" in reverse (Twin Peaks, S03E16)
  • Theon invulnerable to a crotch kick (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • Snowfall (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • "What happened to you beyond the Wall?"
    "I became the Three-Eyed Raven."
    "Oh! [pause] I don't know what that means." (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • "You saw this in a vision?"
    [Bran holds up scroll]
    "Oh." (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • Game of Thrones Season Grade: B-
  • West Boast shirt (Insecure, S02E06)
  • ♫: HERO – "The Juice" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • ♫: NAO – "Feels Like" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • "Uh, Issa?"
    [Issa nods]
    "Issa carpool!" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • "Hey, can you change it to a black station?" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • "Hey, Rick, are you familiar with 'ben wa' technology?" (Rick and Morty, S03E06)
  • ♫: Chaos Chaos – TerryFold [feat. Justin Roiland] (Rick and Morty, S03E06)
  • "I hear Vancouver's great, you know? It's got good meth and nice hiking." (Preacher, S02E11)
  • "She like the new Jeff." (MasterChef, S08E14)
  • "I've seen more appetizing diapers." (MasterChef, S08E14)
  • "I've been meaning to get this."
    "It's a book a dog wrote." (The Tick, S01E04)
  • "Arthur, this man is having an argument with his boat."
    "Excuse me, blue person. I'm not his boat. We just live together." (The Tick, S01E05)
  • "Alexa, play ominous music" (The Tick, S01E06)
  • The Tick Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty


They pulled your teeth 'til you smiled and agreed

// Chicago, IL

Yosi: I'll meet you all at Fat Rice tonight. I have to speak at an event beforehand as a favour to an alderman friend of mine.
Jon: You're friends with an alderman? You should invite him or her to dinner with us.
Yosi: Will do.

Yosi enters the restaurant alone.

Jon: Where's the alderman?
Yosi: He's coming. He lives nearby.

A dapper Latino bloke enters the restaurant.

He's the alderman?!

Jon: How old are you?
Carlos: 28.
Jon: And you represent Logan Square?
Carlos: Yup.

The next day, who do I see on the cover of the Chicago Reader but Yosi's alderman friend:

Had I known that the new face of socialism would be joining us for dinner, I would have requested jamón ibérico.

Me Against the Music

// Las Vegas, NV

While waiting for Drew, Michelle, and Matt in the hotel lobby, I check Instagram and see this:

Shortly thereafter, they walk in.

Jon: Why aren't you wearing your shirt?
Drew: I'll put it on before the show.
Matt: He doesn't want to walk around—
Jon: Oh, that's right. You're the "bitch."

Couldn't…? No, Matt has to be "Britney," and Michelle shouldn't be the "bitch."

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

35. Otis Blues (Twin Peaks, S03E15)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: ZZ Top – "Sharp Dressed Man" (Twin Peaks, S03E15)
  • ♫: The Veils – "Axolotl" (Twin Peaks, S03E15)
  • "Walking's good, fighting's better, fucking's best." (Game of Thrones, S07E06)
  • "Gingers are beautiful. We are kissed by fire." (Game of Thrones, S07E06)
  • Ice dragon (Game of Thrones, S07E06)
  • ♫: Leikeli47 – "Money" (Insecure, S02E05)
  • "Hotation." (Insecure, S02E05)
  • Trying to get out of jury duty with a Black Lives Matter shirt (Insecure, S02E05)
  • Walt and Rose from Lost (Insecure, S02E05)
  • "See, the thing is, I'm a DC guy." (Insecure, S02E05)
  • ♫: Jazmine Sullivan × Bryson Tiller – "Insecure" (Insecure, S02E05)
  • The Roosevelt (Insecure, S02E05)
  • ♫: Nick Hakim – "Needy Bees" (Insecure, S02E05)

Jeff Goldblum (Rick and Morty, S03E05)

  • "Is that a…hoof collage?" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "You have wondered what your life could have been without Rick?"
    "Wondered? Sure. I mean, I've wondered about having a vagina."
    "You're asking me to lure Rick to his death?"
    "I'm only asking you to go on a ride with Rick, get off the ride without Rick, and go home to your family, where you can…wonder about having a vagina."
    "Okay, okay, that was a very specific example pulled from thin air." (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Give that button a push."
    "We're freeeeee!"
    "Okay, so, I pushed the button, and three little men ran out. What do I do next?" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Mama's coming, and she cares about your titties!" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Go back to your quietly ashamed family and live out the rest of your days in denial of your vagina fantasies."
    "It was a one-time thought that everyone has!" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Cosmic apotheosis wears off faster than salvia."
    "I'm starting to believe you, because I just finished merging with your essence for an endless epoch and I'm already back to thinking you're an asshole."
    "Fine with me. Let's just go our separate ways. Sounds like you and the word 'epoch' have a lot of catching up to do." (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "I'm over here answering our destiny. Come on over. It's good, it's warm. It's like the inside of bread."
    "I'm not gonna get inside of bread with you." (The Tick, S01E01)
  • "Watch out! She shoots glass eyes." (The Tick, S01E02)
  • "You cannot borrow a poncho. This is not a poncho library." (The Tick, S01E02)
  • ♫: 311 – "Come Original" (The Tick, S01E02)
  • "You're, uh…better than a Swiffer." (The Tick, S01E02)
  • "Irradiated Landscaper Identified." (The Tick, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty


Burn It Down

Previously on Adam Riff™: Knuck If You Buck

// Chicago, IL

While eating with Chad at Half Acre's Tap Room, three white blokes sit down in a booth across from us.

The back of one bloke's shirt catches my eye.

Is he… Does the back of his shirt say "Bullet Club"?

Okay, yeah, it does.

Dare I ask him for a Too Sweet? He doesn't look like someone who would Too Sweet me, though. And do I want to be "that guy"?

I then notice a white bloke in a Dean Ambrose hoodie on the opposite side of the room.

Dare I extend a fist to him?

Jon: The Shield was a wrestling stable that touched fists.
Drew: Okay…

Knuck If You Buck

Previously on Adam Riff™'s Twitter:

// Las Vegas, NV

I wear my Balut Club shirt to amuse Drew, who is half-Filipino and writes about Filipino food. He notices "balut," but doesn't get the shirt.

Jon: Bullet Club is a wrestling stable in Japan.
Drew: Okay…

Ilsh and I are walking to the cashier in the Flamingo to cash out our chips when I hear someone behind me holler "Too Sweet me, bro! Too Sweet me!"

I turn around and see a pudgy white bloke in a dress shirt asking me to Too Sweet him.

I indulge his request.

Ilsh: What was all that?
Jon: Heh. It's something a wrestling stable in Japan does.

Ilsh: And then he did this hand gesture and the dude stopped shouting "Too sweet."
Drew: Okay…

Later that day, Ilsh and I are walking through the Linq Promenade when I hear someone behind me holler "Too Sweet me, bro!"

I turn around and see another pudgy white bloke in a dress shirt asking me to Too Sweet him.

I take a few steps in his direction, decide against Too Sweet-ing him, and turn back around.

Ilsh is doubly bemused now.

"Was he the same dude from earlier?" I wonder. "Did he (or they) notice that my shirt is not a Bullet Club shirt? Or does wearing a play on a Bullet Club shirt suggest familiarity with Bullet Club?"

I am almost 35 years old.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

34. Whitney Houston, we have a problem (Claws, S01E10)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Coffee time!" (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "And last night, I had another Monica Bellucci dream." (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "Monica was very pleasant." (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • RT: Whilst Jake was still at university, his original 2010 viral accents [YouTube] video caught the attention of David Lynch, who promptly got in touch to discuss a potential role for Jake in one of his upcoming projects. Jake then kept in regular contact with Lynch on Skype. (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "Honey! Call 9-1-1! We got a dead one at the bar." (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • ♫: Lissie – "Wild West" (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • RT: Anyone else see the audience for James in Part 13 was the same for the band in Part 14? (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "Nothing fucks you harder than time." (Game of Thrones, S07E05)
  • "Okay, you know, I'm not trying to call Jenn out or anything, but she's always at that Messianic place square-dancing with that rabbi dude. You know, coming back with that…certain smell? You know, like, yard onions and conditioner?" (Claws, S01E10)
  • Claws Season Grade: C
  • "I'm a Villanova guy." (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "Do you like The Weeknd?" (Insecure, S02E04)

(Insecure, S02E04)

  • "Your black cock feels so good in my white pussy!" (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "You know who could fuck? LaMarcus." (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "Nothing but float!" (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "What I wanna talk to you about is the seriousness of Lion King in this day and age." (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "Rick, is this a Saw thing? Are you seriously Saw-ing the Vindicators?" (Rick and Morty, S03E04)
  • Logic (Rick and Morty, S03E04)
  • "Meanwhile, I have a rape fantasy." (Preacher, S02E09)
  • RZA (Snowfall, S01E07)
  • Every Time I Die (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E03)
  • ♫: Jackal – "Animal Style" (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E03)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Insecure