Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

16. "Let's break into the FBI." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E22)

Like the diner scene in Heat.

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

(The Last Man on Earth, S02E14)

  • Lol at that cut to end credits (The Magicians, S01E13)
  • The Magicians Season Grade: D
  • "He appears to be rifling through Clown Boobies magazine." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E22)
  • "Uhh, actually, that, that's my lint. My lint is oblong. My lint is blue." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E22)
  • "I don't get it. Miranda could have had Blair Underwood, but she settles for Steve?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E22)
  • "Oh, Bob…" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E22)
  • RT: "The latest The Grinder is so relentlessly meta and brilliant it may have shattered television comedy for generations" (The Grinder, S01E19)
  • "The woman, though. She was great."
    "I love her dry delivery."
    "Yeah, I want to see more of her." (The Grinder, S01E19)
  • "So, I got some feedback from some girls at school, and apparently, half of them don't even know who I am."
    "Well, my friends kept it pretty positive, mostly asking for more of some stuff, but nothing I can't deliver on."
    "Lizzie, you're forgettable. We know that now. So the question becomes 'what are we going to do about it?'" (The Grinder, S01E19)
  • ♫: The Builders and the Butchers – "Golden and Green" (Banshee, S04E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


I was there in 1968


If the rights to further entries in the horror franchises "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Halloween", "Friday The 13th", "A Nightmare On Elm Street", "Child's Play(Chucky)", "Leprechaun", "Hellraiser", "Re-Animator", "Phantasm", "Candyman", "Maniac Cop", "Silent Night, Deadly Night", "Darkman", "Wishmaster", and "Annabelle"/"The Conjuring", the rights to further entries in the "Evil Dead" franchise and Full Moon's "Puppet Master" and "Demonic Toys, Dollman, & Bad Channels" horror franchises, and the rights to the planned "Hack/Slash" TV series can be shared by Lionsgate, Sony, Paramount, New Line, Weinstein, Relativity and Rogue, Starz, Universal, and Full Moon, then there can be a "Hack/Slash" TV series, in addition to more entries in the previously mentioned franchises and epic crossover events.

Note: The timeline of the universe in which these take place should contain the events of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"[1974], a remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2", and the upcoming prequel to "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"[1974] titled "Leatherface", "Halloween"[1978], "Halloween 2"[1981], "Halloween 3: Season of The Witch", "Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers", a remake of "Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers", a remake of "Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers", "Halloween: H20", and "Halloween: Resurrection", the original "Friday The 13th"(excluding "Jason X") and "A Nightmare On Elm Street" film series, "Friday The 13th: The Series", the "Child's Play(Chucky)" film series, the original "Leprechaun" film series, the 1st-5th "Hellraiser" films, the "Re-Animator" film series, the "Phantasm" film series, the "Candyman" film series, the "Maniac Cop" film series, the "Silent Night, Deadly Night" film series, the "Darkman" film series, the "Wishmaster" film series, the "Annabelle"/"The Conjuring" film series, and the "Puppet Master" film series and the "Demonic Toys, Dollman, & Bad Channels" film series.

I realize that in "Halloween 3: Season of The Witch", an ad for "Halloween"[1978] is shown on TV, as is the film itself, but the in-universe explanation for that can be that the film that is advertised & shown on TV is based on the infamous events that took place in Haddonfield,Illinois on the night of Halloween in 1978, and that said film was released in 1980.


A song performed by Dokken and Alice Cooper titled "Nightmare Warriors" should be made for the "Freddy VS Jason VS Ash 2: The Nightmare Warriors" TV miniseries.

There should be a "Child's Play(Chucky)" & "Silent Night, Deadly Night" crossover film titled "Silent Night, Chucky Night". There should be a "Child's Play(Chucky)", "Puppet Master", & "Demonic Toys" crossover film titled "Chucky VS Puppet Master VS Demonic Toys".


Years from now, there should be a 1-season-long TV series, which should be aired on the Starz TV channel, in which a mysterious extra-dimensional being with ties to Hell brings all the villain characters of these franchises together and forces them to fight each other in "Mortal Kombat"-style battles, and the surviving hero characters of these franchises are somehow brought into the situation.

Petition for a fighting game with just horror film characters.

I know you can play as Leatherface, Jason Voorhees, and Freddy Krueger in Mortal Kombat X, but I'm talking a Super Smash Bros. of horror cinema.

Disney is leaving money on the table by not commissioning a Marvel vs. Star Wars fighting game.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

15. Conan Stars In North Korea's First Late Night Talk Show (Conan in Korea)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Michael Cole: "C'mon, Byron, Xavier's hair, he's obviously Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z. Don't you know anything?" (WrestleMania 32)
  • Shaq entering the ring to "Panda" (WrestleMania 32)

Stephanie McMahon (WrestleMania 32)

The Masturbatorium (The Last Man on Earth, S02E13)

  • "I was just wondering if you could perform a little bro-to-bro solid. Well, more of a gelatinous than a solid, really. Could you masturbate into this cup for me?"
    "Absolutely. A friend needs semen, he gets semen. What's the time frame on this? It's just, the well's running a little dry. I could give you pee. Would pee help?" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E13)
  • "Then I'm the biggest bastard on Earth."
    "Todd, stop it. That title is reserved for Erica's baby." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E13)
  • Carol's pronunciation of "groin" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E13)
  • Erica's pronunciation of "khakis" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E13)
  • Lost music (The Walking Dead, S06E16)
  • "Gonna be pee pee pants city here real soon." (The Walking Dead, S06E16)
  • The Walking Dead Season Grade: F
  • RT: Of all the Chicago fuck-ups on Shameless, having very old Duke audio for that DePaul and Northwestern game is the most personal (Shameless, S06E12)
  • Shameless Season Grade: D
  • "OJ was here." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E10)
  • "We got a real rager planned." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E10)
  • The nudity is Cuba Gooding Jr.'s butt (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E10)
  • The People v. O.J. Simpson Season Grade: B+
  • "So, Mimi Whiteman and her wife?"
    "Look, we gonna get them a real nice wedding present. You know, a couple of dildos." (Empire, S02E12)
  • "Look, I'm meeting with the PR team. I will have them come up with a clever way to get the gays back behind you."
    "Shouldn't take a PR team. Just drop your drawers, brother." (Empire, S02E12)
  • ♫: Run the Jewels – "Run the Jewels" (Empire, S02E12)
  • "Never put your baseball hat on straight. You always cock it to the side. But don't cock it too far. You're a Johnson, not a Wayans." (Black-ish, S02E19)
  • ♫: Dorothy Moore – "Misty Blue" (The Americans, S04E04)
  • Nina! (The Americans, S04E04)

(Banshee, S04E02)

  • Adam Scott and Jon Daly playing Adam Scott and John Daly (The Adult Swim Golf Classic)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


I'm a killing spree in white, eyes like broken Christmas lights

The URL is "millennials-hate-napkins."

Millennials are killing the paper napkin industry.

Younger consumers are opting instead for paper towels at the dinner table.

I'm pretty sure the paper napkin industry also makes paper towels.

Consumers view napkins as a less economical choice than paper towels. "It's one less thing to buy."

Also, paper towels are packaged tidily in a standardized roll. Napkins are a motley lot that can be a pain to organize neatly.

The Washington Post notes several other reasons for the decline of the napkin.

For one, paper towels are more functional than napkins, thanks to their ability to clean up messes of all sizes.

Ehhh… Napkins are as functional as paper towels. You can clean up messes of all sizes with napkins too, just like you can blow your nose with toilet paper, and wipe your butt with facial tissues.

Shit, you can blow your nose and wipe your butt with paper towels too – three less things to buy!

Additionally, the Post notes how fewer millennials are eating meals at home, which is also contributing to the decline of napkin purchases.

Does anyone buy drinking straws? If needed, I just grab some at Chick-fil-A (I like the quality of its straws).

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

14. Undersea Hotel (Saturday Night Live, S41E16)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • RT: Four minutes in and this is definitely Brian's Emmy episode (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E18)
  • "I bet he got lice from sleeping over at Dave's. All that orange soda made his blood sweet and then the lice came."
    "I don't think drinking soda gives you lice."
    "You're telling me lice see an innocent child in a dirty home drinking a sweet soda and they don't want in on that? Lice live for that. They're the pedophiles of the insect world." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E18)
  • ♫: Outkast – "Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E18)
  • "He's getting saner by the minute. In a month, he'll basically just be Frasier."
    "Don't use Frasier's name in vain." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E20)
  • "I don't understand. How can you teach screenwriting if you can't sell a script?" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E09)
  • "We're in the South. Haven't you noticed the smell of mint julep and condescension?" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E09)
  • "She reprimanded him for writing 'KKK' on a Martin Luther King poster." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E09)
  • "This is my goddamn company. I built it from nothing, and I'll be damned if somebody gon' take me away from it."
    "Hey, Lucious. I'm down. [pulls out gun] 'kay? I mean, I am down. [pulls out another gun]" (Empire, S02E11)
  • "You can't have Hakeem, bitch."
    "I already did." (Empire, S02E11)
  • William sprinting away from Philip as soon as he realizes what's going on (The Americans, S04E02)
  • Philip spitting in William's eye (The Americans, S04E02)
  • "Pam, if a single one of these has left this building, I will personally sew you into a canvas bag full of rats and throw that bag into the river."
    "What river? It's a concrete slab!" (Archer, S07E01)
  • "And since the front of the house by the road is guarded 24/7, you're gonna have to go in from the rear."
    "No, you all took it for granted." (Archer, S07E01)
  • Sarah Palin 2012 shirt (Banshee, S04E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets