No one knows me like the piano in my mother's home


2017 iHeartRadio Music Awards nominees:

Rock Artist of the Year
• Disturbed
• Five Finger Death Punch
• Red Hot Chili Peppers
• Shinedown
• Volbeat

Alternative Rock Artist of the Year
• blink-182
• Cage The Elephant
• Coldplay
• The Strumbellas
• twenty one pilots

Underground Alternative Rock Artist of the Year
• Hey Violet
• Pierce the Veil
• PVRIS
• Sleeping With Sirens
• Tonight Alive

Breakthrough Independent Underground Alternative College Rock Artist of the Year.

Best Lyrics
• "7 Years" – Lukas Graham
• "Came Here to Forget" – Blake Shelton
• "Cheap Thrills" – Sia featuring Sean Paul
• "Closer" – The Chainsmokers featuring Halsey
• "Heathens" – twenty one pilots
• "Love Yourself" – Justin Bieber
• "Scars To Your Beautiful" – Alessia Cara
• "Send My Love (To Your New Lover)" – Adele
• "Too Good" – Drake featuring Rihanna
• "You Should Be Here" – Cole Swindell

"Closer"?!

Rory: The Andre the Lyricist Memorial Battle Royal.

Bigger coverage map, Devastating Speed, and Massive capacity

Previously on Adam Riff™ (March 2013):

The creative team behind Bellflower just successfully crowdfunded a second feature film.

Chuck Hank and the San Diego Twins is a "surrealist action/drama influenced heavily by '80s action films and side-scrolling fighting games like Streets of Rage and Double Dragon." [source]


It lives!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


6. Opening Credits (Powerless, S01E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I love God because it's so painful to love human beings. I love a God that never leaves me or that always leaves me. God, the absence of God, always reassuring and definitive. I'm a priest. I've renounced my fellow men, my fellow women, because I don't want to suffer, because I'm incapable of withstanding the heartbreak of love, because I'm unhappy, like all priests. It would be wonderful to love you the way you want to be loved, but it's not possible, because I am not a man. I'm a coward, like all priests." (The Young Pope, S01E05)
  • ♫: LMFAO – "Sexy and I Know It" (The Young Pope, S01E05)
  • "I have no idea what to do with the friendship of the whole wide world." (The Young Pope, S01E05)
  • "I don't keep anybody around me that doesn't deserve what they get." (Taboo, S01E04)
  • "I have a question. It concerns chemistry. I hope now is not inconvenient." (Taboo, S01E04)
  • "You know, semen not ejaculated at the point of passion turns to poison and narrows the mind. Eventually, you become an ape."
    "So ejaculate. Then we can talk of business." (Taboo, S01E04)
  • "Has the semen yet turned to poison?" (Taboo, S01E04)
  • Tom Hollander tasting cow and pigeon shit (Taboo, S01E04)
  • Tom Hollander high on nitrous oxide (Taboo, S01E04)
  • "Murder…is chips." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E05)
  • "That woman thinks she's a writer, but McSweeney's disagrees." (Man Seeking Woman, S03E05)
  • "That Prosciutto Thing." (Man Seeking Woman, S03E05)


(Man Seeking Woman, S03E05)

  • "I can't lose this job. I take care of my sick grandma."
    "And I like nice things. [pause] I should've went before Ron." (Powerless, S01E01)
  • "Ohhhh. I must really trust you. I just turned my back on a Chicago cop." (Superior Donuts, S01E01)
  • ♫: TRO – "Sa Riera" (Riverdale, S01E02)
  • "I've lost 32 ounces." (Baskets, S02E03)
  • "I'm not gonna smoke heroin in an Applebee's, mom." (Baskets, S02E03)
  • "I got CVS dinner." (Baskets, S02E03)
  • "Have you been drinking mimosas?" (Baskets, S02E03)
  • Matt doing Sam Neill (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E01)
  • Frank heads (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E01)
  • "Somebody graffitied a dick on your store." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E01)
  • "Make sure you get the penis." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E01)
  • Totino's Super Bowl ad trilogy (Saturday Night Live, S42E13)
  • "You are my Totino." (Saturday Night Live, S42E13)
  • "Don't eat a snail…" (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E01)
  • "King Robot Baratheon." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E02)
  • RT: Defining Peak TV: Second episode of Riverdale and Santa Clarita Diet end with same Cage the Elephant song. (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E02)
  • "I leave you for five fucking minutes and you bond with my dinner?" (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E03)
  • "Sorry."
    "It's okay. No pee, so…that's a win." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E04)
  • "Pharmaceutical rep hours are super flexible. That's why so many of us have time to go on The Bachelor." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E04)
  • "Yeah, Abby, my mom masturbated and then made waffles." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E05)
  • "So how are you doing?"
    "I'm good. Dan's partner, Anne, has been keeping me distracted. She comes, like, all the time." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E09)
  • "Once you get food over three feet long, it's more about structural integrity than flavour." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E09)
  • "I found a bag of his face behind the ice cream." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E10)
  • "Now, why don't you put down the only known copy of that priceless book, ideally away from the chips and Safeway-brand guacamole?" (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E10)
  • "Unfortunately, my bile guy, Vladé, is on vacation."
    "Can't you just tell Vladé it's an emergency?"
    "Ah, he won't care. He's more reliable than my last bile guy, but the digestive fluid business attracts more hobbyists than professionals." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E10)
  • "With technology, every vacation's a working vacation these days." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E10)
  • Santa Clarita Diet Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek


Fascism Forever

You are a married parent of two young children.

Your spouse and children die tragically.

The Devil visits you soon after to cut a deal. He will resurrect your spouse and children, and life will go on as was, but sometime every night for the rest of your life, you will murder your spouse and children, after which, at the stroke of midnight, they will be resurrected as if nothing happened, with no memory of you murdering them.

Do you accept this deal?

Steven: i don't think anyone would make this deal
Jon: but you get to see your children grow up
Jon: albeit along with their corpses every night

Steven: i think the deal has to be more concise, something that wouldn't involve the public knowing that your family died and came back to life, or that your family dies and comes back to life every day

Hmm…


You are a married parent of two young children.

Your spouse and children are in critical condition.

The Devil visits you in the hospital to cut a deal. Your spouse and children will fully recover, and life will go on as was, but sometime every night for the rest of your life, you will murder your spouse and children, after which, at the stroke of midnight, they will be resurrected as if nothing happened, with no memory of you murdering them.

If and when the public learns that your family dies and comes back to life every day is up to you.

Do you let your children host a sleepover?

What are your plans for Thanksgiving?

Mike: The specifics of the injuries are a huge variable for the value of the bargain. If I'm the unscathed spouse and my fam is critical but its cuz of a mercury leak I'm not taking that deal, cuz I'm hoping they make it through fine. If it's a fiery car wreck or something I might take the deal if it means they recover well from what could be quality-of-life-decimating injuries.

Hmm…


You are a married parent of two young children.

While on holiday with your family on a remote island, your spouse and children die tragically.

The Devil visits you soon after to cut a deal.

Should you accept his deal, you should return home to friends and family who are completely unaware that your spouse and children were resurrected.

If and when the public learns that your family dies and comes back to life every day is up to you.

Whole Foods Car Park

Is that space open? No. Small car.

Oh here we go. Nope. Shopping cart.

Guh. Another shopping cart.

What is she doing? Did/does she not see me stopped here with my turn signal on? Leave already!

Look at this: Two shopping carts on either side of a shopping cart corral.

Instead of self-driving cars, self-returning shopping carts.

Shit. I've been spotted walking to my car. Pressure to leave is on.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


5. Opening credits (The Young Pope, S01E03/S01E04)


Honourable Mention

  • Sabrina vs. Chip fight (The Mick, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • "Hey, have you seen Zorn?"
    "No. Why? Everything okay?"
    "Well, I'm worried about Alan. He had a 40-minute shower cry."
    "I don't know much about parenting. I'm gonna guess 'gay.'" (Son of Zorn, S01E11)
  • "Presidents don't get chances; they get tested." (Homeland, S06E02)
  • "The young are always more extreme than the old." (The Young Pope, S01E03)
  • "Believers don't cry." (The Young Pope, S01E04)
  • "She's the metronome of sleep." (The Young Pope, S01E04)
  • "Ben, are you watching Alien?! Oh come on, man! Aliens is a way better movie." (The Mick, S01E06)
  • "I have sailed to places where there is no damnation." (Taboo, S01E03)
  • "You could allow your cunt to swallow the work of an honest man." (Taboo, S01E03)
  • "As you know, only a child of Earth can wear the crown of the High King. I will ask you a series of questions designed to root out all pretenders to the throne. Only a true High King will hold the answers in his heart."
    "Come at me."
    "What popular American television program stars actor Tim Daly?"
    "What the fuck?"
    "He was in a lot of TV shows." (The Magicians, S02E01)
  • "This is gonna touch all of Frank's Fluids."
    "My God, there are other fluids?"
    "Yeah. Wolf Cola, some Nip boba drink…" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E04)
  • "Now social media will come down on you with the fury of a middle-aged man who has accomplished nothing." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E04)
  • "You're gonna be puking on your dick in no time." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E04)
  • "I want to, like, put it in one of those trumpet shells and smoke it."
    "It's called a 'cock shell.' I saw that in an underwater porno once."
    "Little Spermaid, yeah." (Workaholics, S07E03)
  • ♫: Melodysheep – "Get Pitted" (Workaholics, S07E03)


(Workaholics, S07E03)

  • "Hodor!" (Workaholics, S07E03)
  • "Ohhh man, we've gotta find a way out of here. I cannot die in Crocs."
    "There's an empty jacuzzi. I cannot die in an empty jacuzzi like my aunts."
    "What?"
    "They all died in an empty jacuzzi." (Workaholics, S07E03)
  • "I'd love to be a cheerleader. It would look great on my college applications. But, last year, when I tried out, Cheryl said I was too fat."
    "'Too season five Betty Draper.'" (Riverdale, S01E01)
  • ♫: Tove Styrke – "Number One" (Riverdale, S01E01)
  • Clown toilet (Baskets, S02E02)
  • "Hey, you know, if you need any jokes, I found a joke book at the dump."
    "What were you doing at the dump? On a date or something?"
    "No, I was just snooping around."
    "Snooping around?"
    "Yeah, what else do you do at the dump?" (Baskets, S02E02)
  • "Martha, take the children back to the corn." (Baskets, S02E02)


(Portlandia, S07E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek


Last call on Adam Riff™'s 2016 audio mixes:

Breathing fire doesn't look good on a résumé

related:

Notorious in Toronto and virtually unknown elsewhere, Sicilian Vampire star/director/producer/musician Frank D'Angelo is a dubiously talented businessman with a lot of cash to throw around, primarily (presumably) thanks to D'Angelo Brands, a company whose wares include the energy drink Cheetah Power Surge. Since 2010, he's also been the host of The Being Frank Show, a late-night talk show taped weekly at the Forget About It Supper Club, one of D'Angelo's two restaurants. It looks like a real show but it's really just an infomercial D'Angelo has paid for, interrupted only by commercials for his own products. He's also cranked out a series of albums in the Seth MacFarlane–big-band vein and claims to have written 500 songs.

In 2013, D'Angelo decided he wanted to make films and he started with Real Gangsters, a mob film starring himself whose general tenor can be gathered from this opening snippet of dialogue: "The finality of life, it sucks big fuckin' cock." Sicilian Vampire is his fourth film, a feat of productivity made possible by D'Angelo's decision to shoot all his films in five days or less. All of these films cost at least $5 million Canadian (about $3.7 million U.S.), with actors paid in cash. [source]

if that's what we wanna do

I've been brainstorming food items for the pub that Chris Castle and I plan to open in Seattle.

What I have so far:

Mex Mix
A mix of Takis, cacahuates japoneses, Totis Donitas, Sabritas Adobadas, chicharrones, and Gardetto's roasted garlic rye chips.

Potathlon
A mix of Belgian fries, curly fries, garlic waffle fries, sweet potato crinkle-cut fries, and tater tots served in a mixing bowl.

Doomsday Pepper
A roasted poblano pepper stuffed with canned meats and [Kraft cheese powder + evaporated milk], breaded with instant ramen, and fried.

Fuck, Marry, Kale
Deep-fried oysters and calamari rings served with a kale aioli.

Florida Man
An alligator/python-sausage corn dog served with Grey Poupon.

Suicide Wings
Six chicken wings, each with a different soda-fountain-based glaze – Coca-Cola, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, root beer, Orange Fanta, Mountain Dew.

Olympia Burger
A cheeseburger topped with chips and a Pepsi barbecue sauce.

The Hajj
A play on a Thanksgiving sandwich. Pita bread, turkey shawarma, cranberry chutney, stuffing-flavoured falafel, toum mashed potatoes, tahini gravy.

Bill Murray
A play on an egg cream (chocolate syrup + milk + carbonated water). The chocolate syrup is thinned Nutella with a sriracha kick. The milk is almond milk. The carbonated water is LaCroix. Served with a bacon straw.


I want to name our pub "Ipecac." Chris prefers "Alterations."