Lazy, laid back, maybe you're just on crack

I can't stop looking at GIFs of Japanese celebrities orally seeing if objects in a room are real or actually sugar confectionery.

The Chick-fil-A cows figured out the English language, and how to write, and how to fuckin' parachute into a football stadium, but they can't spell basic words?

On April 1, replace the cows with Hindu people and correct all the misspellings.

In October, run negative campaign ads against chickens that are "paid for by cows."

A group of chickens set out to assassinate the cows. Like Munich, but with farm animals.

What makes the Chicago style deep dish pizza popcorn Chicago style deep dish? How does its taste differ from pizza-flavoured popcorn?

Chicago style hot dog I can taste in my head – mustard, celery salt…

It's so damn hard to keep playing the part of the fool week after week

You know how fading international soccer stars retire to Major League Soccer teams for a final payday?

China: The MLS of cinema.

Speaking of Chinese film productions…

Can't hurt to try, I suppose.

They just keep going and going and—

Idea: Hot Shots: Part Trois. A spoof of the Expendables series starring:

Charlie Sheen
Valeria Golino
Matt Dillon
Emilio Estevez
Corey Feldman
Anthony Michael Hall
C. Thomas Howell
Rob Lowe
Ralph Macchio
Andrew McCarthy
Demi Moore
Judd Nelson
Molly Ringwald
Ally Sheedy
et al.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

2. Christina (Worst Cooks in America, S06E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "The fanny runs deep." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E12)

(Worst Cooks in America, S06E01)

  • "Hold on. I recognize that sound. It's butts on brass." (Bob's Burgers, S05E08)
  • "How are we going to get past Ms. Schnur?"
    "I have an idea."
    "Hey, Penny Marshall's outside!" (Bob's Burgers, S05E08)
  • Retconning this season's case? (Broadchurch, S02E01)

(Bodyshockers, S02E01)

  • "We got a code Jewish, code Jewish."
    "You're under ch'arrest." (New Girl, S04E12)
  • "Girl's like a…pepperoni." (New Girl, S04E12)
  • "So that was a huge failure. I feel like a Democrat." (New Girl, S04E12)
  • Common hosted, judged, and recorded a theme song for a furniture building competition (Framework, S01E01)
  • Nicole's accent is bizarre (The Real World, S30E04)
  • "The president is asking that you'll attend the China state dinner."
    "Okay, tell Barack that, yes, but this is the last one for the next few months." (Empire, S01E01)
  • "I'm not competing with that sound." (Empire, S01E01)
  • "Take that damn bass out of your voice when you talking to me!" (Empire, S01E01)
  • Lucious literally binning his gay son (Empire, S01E01)
  • "I want to show you a faggot really can run this company." (Empire, S01E01)
  • With Cuba Gooding Jr., this show will star FOUR Academy Award nominees (Empire, S01E01)
  • "This place, these people, are our world, and it is like a banquet full of delicious possibilities. But our top priority is sex." (American Horror Story, S04E11)
  • "Is that medicine?"
    "It's painkillers mixed with candy. I call them 'Mike and Vics.'" (Archer, S06E01)
  • "You're gonna need my help."
    "Ha! Because you also need my help!"
    "Only because you just broke two of my ribs, in addition to impaling me on a bamboo stake, on which, I think we both know, you smeared some poop!" (Archer, S06E01)
  • Ty Burrell corpsing throughout the Fabrice Fabrice interview (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E01)

(The Eric Andre Show, S03E08)

  • "Investigate 311." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E08)


I'm writing the report on losing and failing

I call this the "woman lackadaisically using it while staring at her phone" machine.

As all existing audio players for swimmers are shit, when I swim laps, I have lots of time to think.

Idea: Chess swimming – like chess boxing, but with swimming. Embed waterproof touchscreens in one vertical end of a lap pool. A swimmer moves pieces between laps, playing against a computer or against someone with whom he or she is sharing a lane.

Idea: Embed waterproof touchscreens in both vertical ends of a lap pool. On one end, a swimmer reads a multiple choice trivia question, which he or she answers on the other end. Then he or she swims back to receive another question and so forth.

Swim trivia should be an Olympic event. 4 question x 100m medley. You keep swimming laps until you answer four questions correctly. Fastest to do so wins gold.

I can't be too cool in a tree with my pants down

Mike: It's a bummer that Animaniacs didn't have the staying power of greater cartoons.
Jon: Well, out of sight, out of mind.

Rumors have been rife that Rupert Murdoch plans to divest his 39% stake in Sky Europe (worth more than $4B) to fund a renewed bid for Time Warner. [source]

Jon: If Fox buys Time Warner, it won't have any use for CNN, which it could convert into a Fox Kids' WB Channel. Animaniacs, Batman: The Animated Series, Pokémon

If Fox buys Time Warner, HBO and FX would be sister stations.

If Fox buys Time Warner, Adult Swim could add The Simpsons.

If Fox buys Time Warner, Fox Sports 1 could absorb NBA on TNT, MLB postseason on TBS, and March Madness, becoming a more formidable competitor to ESPN.

If Fox buys Time Warner, it would own the film rights to both Wolverine and Batman, paving the way for a Dark Claw film.

The Super Bowl is typically the highest-rated single U.S. television broadcast of any given year. In turn, the program aired immediately following coverage of the game in the U.S. is typically also one of the year's most watched television programs. [source]

The Walking Dead returns on February 8, the Sunday following Super Bowl Sunday.

Last fall, The Walking Dead (on cable television) outdrew Sunday Night Football (on network television) in the coveted 18-49 demographic five times (out of eight).

The Walking Dead is the highest-rated programme on all of television among viewers 18-49, and the highest-rated drama on all of television period.


What if The Walking Dead was the Super Bowl's lead-out? – a special network television presentation / mid-season premiere.

Many believe that sooner or later somebody will snap up AMC Networks after Madison Square Garden splits it from its sports and live entertainment businesses. Viacom is seen as a potential target. [source]

Viacom owns CBS. CBS is telecasting next year's Super Bowl.

Or what if The Walking Dead returned on AMC immediately following this year's Super Bowl? Have Chris Hardwick vamp until the game ends and then go head-to-head with the trophy presentation and The Blacklist.

Heck, air the first act of the episode during halftime against Katy Perry, and the rest after the game. Unstoppable force, immovable object.

No Use For A Name, Finch, Tigers Jaw, Somos, +44, Knuckle Puck – it's a veritable Warped Tour.


In July 2013, Lagunitas Brewing Co.'s owner, Tony Magee, received a cease-and-desist order from SweetWater Brewing Co. in Atlanta demanding that the Northern California brewing giant stop using the marijuana code "420" in the cryptic artwork and messaging found on many Lagunitas beer labels. Since the 1990s, SweetWater had made a beer called 420 Extra Pale Ale.

"I decided, 'You want to own 420, fine, you can have it,'" Magee says. "And it's true: They legitimately owned it."