We don't loot, but we get even


#OMGWTFDVD


I know it won an Oscar for 'Best Picture,' but Gladiator seems like such a culturally impactless film for marketers to keep referencing.

"From the director of a film you haven't thought about in years."

"From the director of a film you spottily remember."

It's not like Ridley Scott is Paul Brickman. You have options, including three film classics.

Then again…


Didn't reference Gladiator, didn't perform well at the box office.

Rory: Warner Bros. makes sure to slap a "from the director of 300" on every Zack Snyder film.

Jon: Alas, we only got one "from the director of Troy" before Wolfgang Petersen disappeared.
Rory: "From the director of Platoon and Alexander."


Pints For Prostates

"3 times as many dogs have wine-related names in San Francisco."

I mean… It's like learning that many Alabamians name their dogs after siblings.

100% of the participants in this study are white people.


Heh. I know two Asian Pearls and a Mae.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


41. Hatsune Miku (Late Show with David Letterman, 10-09-14)


Stray Observations

  • "I like tacos! [fart]" (Bob's Burgers, S05E01)
  • "I just want to go home and crawl into bed and have a good long dutch oven cry." (Bob's Burgers, S05E01)
  • "Also, I'm just an uncle so, no biggie." (Bob's Burgers, S05E01)
  • "You embarrassed me in front of Derek Jeter."
    "You embarrassed yourssssself in front of Derek Jeter." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E02)


Young Nucky's teeth (Boardwalk Empire, S05E05)

  • "I, for one, refuse to be ruled by fear."
    "Husband!"
    "Coming dear." (Boardwalk Empire, S05E05)
  • RT: "The Strain put a LOT of effort into disguising Massey Hall as some joint in Tribeca" (The Strain, S01E13)
  • The Strain Season Grade: C+
  • "The Balloonman gon' get ya." (Gotham, S01E03)


Meanwhile, at Wayne Manor… (Gotham, S01E03)

  • The Driver Season Grade: C-
  • "He called a scotch on the rocks a 'sco-ro.'" (New Girl, S04E04)
  • "It looks like a little tiny pigeon's egg."
    "Don't you wanna hatch the bird?" (New Girl, S04E04)
  • "I hate when Schmidt cries. He sounds like a ghost singing 'Hey Ya.'" (New Girl, S04E04)
  • Matador Season Grade: C+
  • "If laughter's the best medicine, then you're grape-flavoured Triaminic." (Modern Family, S06E03)
  • "The nod is on the same primal level as a baby waving 'hi' – as a man scrunching up his face when a woman with a big butt walks by."
    "This is basic stuff."
    "Even the butt thing?"
    "Especially the butt thing. Basic black." (Black-ish, S01E03)
  • Will continuity continue all season? (South Park, S18E03)
  • "Salami vise." (The League, S06E06)
  • "It's Lucky Strike. It's good for you." (American Horror Story, S04E01)
  • Lobster hand shocker (American Horror Story, S04E01)


Meep the Geek (American Horror Story, S04E01)

  • "I once carried out my own personal form of stigmata on an Italian. I pushed his face up against a trench, shoved a six-inch nail up his fuckin' nose, and I hammered it home with a duckboard. It was fuckin' biblical, mate." (Peaky Blinders, S02E02)
  • "I'm standing my ground!" (Black Jesus, S01E10)
  • Black Jesus Season Grade: C


(The Amazing Race, S25E03)

  • Sons of GameStop (Shark Tank, S06E04)
  • "There's the Emotionals, the Foodies, the Hasidics, and Gryffindor." (Saturday Night Live, S40E03)
  • "Dan Cortese." (Saturday Night Live, S40E03)
  • "Here's a joke: GOD." (Saturday Night Live, S40E03)

#clipoftheweek

Fire Walk With Me

Previously on Adam Riff™ (2005):

My mother asked a professional fortune teller to assess my future.

You're best-suited to live in the northwest. Seattle, Oregon, Vancouver. A move to Seattle or anywhere in the northwest would be most beneficial to your future.


Soooo…

I know fortune telling is bullshit, but…



#
[off the 'riffstagram]

Portland has more 24-hour Subway restaurants than any other city I have visited.

I trekked out to a bakery in northeast Portland, and it had closed early so that the staff could go apple picking, because of course.

Ryan: hey, does your hotel have a business center with a printer?
Jon: uhhh
Jon: no
Jon: but it does have complimentary bicycles


If only a Valencia Street ran through Brooklyn in Portland.


Justin Timberlake or a Christian comic book

// U District


// Capitol Hill

A: My brother instituted amber lighting at night. It supposedly helps with circadian rhythm. Thing is, he doesn't, like, dim the lights in his house. No, he and his family all don amber glasses. Even his infant wears a pair.

Use amber-lensed goggles once the sun has gone down. These blue-blocking lenses are highly effective in reducing the effects of blue light exposure, and in most cases completely eliminate the short-wavelength radiation necessary for nocturnal melatonin suppression. These goggles have been shown to improve sleep quality as well as mood, simply by blocking blue light and simulating physiologic darkness. [source]

Evidently, amber glasses are a thing.


// Bellevue

Elizabeth and I are descending on an escalator after seeing Gone Girl.

Elizabeth: That film traumatized me.

The woman in front of us gives Elizabeth a knowing look.

Elizabeth: Did you see it too?
Woman: [nods] Left Behind?


// Belltown

Jon: What even is this place?
Elizabeth: It's like the Hollywood of Seattle.


// Capitol Hill

Tony: Keys for you.
Jon: [studies key fob]
Tony: It's a pussy pendant. Jane made it.
Jon: She talked about making these the last time I was in Seattle, but I didn't expect her to go through with it.

RARE PUSSY STONE.


// West Seattle

Jon: Okay, so…

Belltown = Hollywood
Capitol Hill = West Hollywood
Aurora = North Hollywood
West Seattle = Santa Monica
Fremont = Venice
Ballard = Culver City
Bellevue = Beverly Hills
Mercer Island = Bel Air
U District = Westwood
Green Lake = Echo Park
Greenwood = Silver Lake
Queen Anne = West Adams
Pioneer Square = Downtown Los Angeles, Olvera Street
SoDo = Downtown Los Angeles, San Julian Street
Bremerton = Riverside
Everett = Long Beach
Newcastle = Ladera Heights

Elizabeth: And Renton is Compton.


// Bitter Lake


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


40. Don Hertzfeldt's Couch Gag (The Simpsons, S26E01)


Honourable Mention

  • Caught masturbating (Black-ish, S01E02)
  • Munchie T (Black Jesus, S01E09)

Stray Observations

  • "We gotta carry him 'cause he can't fly on his own. We let that other guy try and look what happened." (Family Guy, S13E01)
  • "I kidnapped all your enemies – Nelson, Jimbo, Principal Skinner, Sideshow Bob, Apu. I know Apu's not your enemy, but I just wanted to say 'I took Apu.'" (Family Guy, S13E01)
  • "We're gonna make it!"
    "Trust me, we're not." (Family Guy, S13E01)
  • "We've had all the fights we're going to have." (Boardwalk Empire, S05E04)
  • Hacking the emergency broadcast system with a G-Drive (The Strain, S01E12)
  • Perfect Bacon Bowl ad (The Strain, S01E12)
  • Masters of Sex Season Grade: C+


(WWE Raw, 09-29-14)

  • Bruce Wayne listening to Swedish metal (Gotham, S01E02)
  • Bruce Wayne cutting himself (Gotham, S01E02)
  • "Are you part of the wedding industry?" (Sleepy Hollow, S02E02)
  • "Do you know what happens when you break a lion's heart?"
    "Did it go to live with a warthog and a meerkat?" (Bad Education, S03E03)
  • "Just doing E, watching that show Ed." (New Girl, S04E03)


Dina's nerd goblin (Face Off, S07E11)

  • Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson – this episode is a New Radicals song (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
  • "Althea? Guess your folks were hoping for a black baby." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
  • "Tiggy, you and me, back door."
    "Giggity." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
  • Tig and Boyd Crowder kiss – there is no box (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)


(The Bridge, S02E13)

#clipoftheweek

Bionic Hellfire

Blood Brothers tour dates…

October 4, 2014: Modern Sky Festival – NYC.

Modern Sky Festival? Never heard of it.

What's with all the Chinese acts?

Modern Sky Festival is an outdoor rock music festival in Beijing, China.

In August 2014, Modern Sky announced its first festival in the United States, to be held in Central Park's Rumsey Playfield October 4–5.

The Blood Brothers, in Central Park, sandwiched between sets by two Chinese acts, leading into Jamie Lidell and Dead Prez celebrating the music of Nigerian synth-funk pioneer William Onyeabor.