I need to find a way to be in London on August 12.

I think one of my cousins lives there.

Idea: A Blur/Gorillaz joint tour.

Has any musical artist ever toured with two of his or her projects? I know Conor Oberst played with both Desaparecidos and Bright Eyes at a benefit concert, but I mean a full tour opening for yourself.

Once upon a time, I envisioned a tour on which Sparta and The Mars Volta opened for At the Drive-In.

Idea: A wedding reception roast. Instead of toasting the bride and groom – roasting them. The head table doubles as a dais.

Steroids era players should be elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame with the caveat that their inductions will be roasts.

The Baseball Hall of Fame Induction Roast of Mark McGwire!

Bar Mitzvah roast. Take it like a man.

Romantic Comedy Idea: A man discovers that the woman he's seeing has been adapting their dates into porno videos. Initially, she dates him purely for material to adapt into porno videos, but then she falls in love with him, but then he discovers her porno videos when his buddy sends him a link to one. He sees the woman he's dating with a man who resembles him and realizes that he's watching a re-creation of one of their dates.

The woman's "best friend" is the man's porno stand-in.

• Minor Leaguers Tweeting About Chipotle

AM² will host its USA premiere in June.

Miike's last three films: An adaptation of a video game series, a 3D re-imagining of a 1962 samurai film, and a family comedy about kid ninjas.

I'd like to see him adapt Capcom's Dead Rising.

Related: A Professor Layton vs. Ace Attorney game? Yes!

• Look at this fucking cast for the Osama bin Laden takedown movie

#comingattractions

Donald Sterling's ads in the Los Angeles Times deserve their own Tumblr – Sterling's Gold[.tumblr.com].

• Japanese Fart Scrolls Are the Best Scrolls

• Rule 34!

My mother is caught up in Linsanity.

"He attended the same Chinese school that you attended. I know his mom."
"Oh?"
"Benji and Richard played youth basketball with him."

She forwarded me a video of him speaking at some Christian leadership event.

• Science Gallery's first foray into food, EDIBLE

7. Elegant Dinner Party (Archer, S03E08)

Honourable Mention

• So Many Bests: The John Cena/Eve Torres/Zack Ryder/Kane Love Rectangle (WWE Raw, 02-13-12)
• Tunnel Collapse (The River, S01E03)
• Movie Hecklers (Key and Peele, S01E03)
• Domesticated Hippo (An Idiot Abroad, S02E05)
• The Obama Show's Opening Credits (Saturday Night Live, S37E15)

Stray Observations

• I didn't recognize Louise "Nurse Ratched" Fletcher as Peg Gallagher (Shameless [USA], S02E06)
• "Your coochie smells of brimstone and sulfur!" (Shameless [USA], S02E06)
• "Can I be honest with you? I am not the reason that your life is a piece of crap. You came out of me a loser!" (Shameless [USA], S02E06)
• "My parents suck too." (Shameless [USA], S02E06)
• "Your mama's getting horny. She won't fuck with you in the house." (Angry Boys, S01E11)
• "My sister is waiting for us in China. What is gonna happen to her if we don't go get her?" The re-cast son on Smash is comically terrible (S01E02)

(Adventure Time, S03E13b)

• YouTube comment on Chord Overstreet's rapping (Glee, S03E13)

(Glee, S03E13)

• Viennetta (Glee, S03E13)
• Cougar Town – I don't get it.
• "I'm from Tottenham! You don't mess around with people from Tottenham." (The River, S01E03)
• "Where do people use cash?!" Cut to Dewey in a strip club (Justified, S03E05)
• "Every group needs a Dave."
  "Yes, like in Dave Matthews Band! Carter Beauford is the Dave." (Happy Endings, S02E14)
• "You getting mugged just proves what I said to you on the phone – New York is a selfish filth monster and eventually it gets all of us. It's Ghostbusters 2 all over again."
  "No, my getting mugged was New York doing what she does best – calling a great man to action. It's the original Ghostbusters all over again." (30 Rock, S06E08)
• "You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: 'Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up / There's nothing you can do.'" (30 Rock, S06E08)

• Why is "Guest" formatted in a different typeface? (Parks and Recreation, S04E15)

• "Remember me as the man who pulled down the screen." (The Office, S08E15)
• "Anderson's three pillars of retail – crucial, so important. [pause] Next. …Are there any questions?" (The Office, S08E15)
• "We'll smash the furniture like he was chasing you around all rape-y. Fortunately, he's Italian, so that shouldn't be too hard to sell." (Archer, S03E08)
• "Potato, podildo." (Archer, S03E08)
• "The classic Irishman's dilemma: Do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?" (Archer, S03E08)
• "A pot of coffee just like I like my women – black, bitter, preferably fair trade." (Archer, S03E08)
• JWoww's outfit (Jersey Shore, S05E07)
• "You invite Reggie Jackson, you have to consume anything with his name on it."
  "This scotch is disgusting also. This is Reggie-brand scotch, isn't it?"
  "It's called 'Reg-otch.' That's the thing that really bothers me…" (The Life and Times of Tim, S03E10)
• Edgy Tim Meadows (The Life and Times of Tim, S03E10)
• Jackass' Danger Ehren on Portlandia (S02E07)
• "How often a week are you licking shit?" (An Idiot Abroad, S02E05)
• "White butler's really into it." (Saturday Night Live, S37E15)

#clipoftheweek

• "The Simpsons Are Going to…!": A Map of Every Simpsons Destination, Over 500 Episodes

Spike Lee is the black Kevin Smith.

—Huh. Lin's number in high school was 4, a homophone of "die" in Mandarin.
—Were un-trademarked Adam Riff and Jeremy Lin classmates?
—I don't think so. Adam was in Seth's class, and Seth was one class below me, so Adam is at least four years older than Lin. So no. Adam's brother might have been classmates with Lin.

Regarding ESPN's "Chink in the Armor" headline: Jeremy Lin's Xanga handle was "chinkballa88." Is this like how it's okay for black people to use the word "nigger"?

Also: Lin labeled one of the photos on his Xanga "Homogay_Birthday."

Paying it backward?

• Glee's Chris Colfer wrote a film in which an aspiring journalist blackmails his high school classmates into contributing to a literary magazine to better his chances of getting into Northwestern.

not to be confused with The Hairy Tooth Fairy 2, an Argentine children's film

Journey 3: Blue Collar Mystery Tour?

Idea: What if the members of SEAL Team Six were all famous recluses? What if they actually became black operatives?

What if Bill Watterson killed Osama bin Laden?

What if Amelia Earhart was Team Six's first recruit? What if she staged Hitler's suicide?

In Discovery's newest competition series MACHINES OF GLORY, three construction crews compete in outrageous challenges while operating massive machines like excavators, backhoes and skid steers.

"There hasn't been a heavy equipment competition show like MACHINES OF GLORY," said executive producer Scott Hallock. [source]

Have there been any heavy equipment competition shows?

One of the challenges has to be operating heavy machinery while UI, no?

"I can operate that chain trencher after consuming 11 tablets of Benadryl."
"I can operate that chain trencher after consuming 12."
"Operate that chain trencher!"

• Make this Alabama basketball fan a meme, internet.

Told through a series of art installations, the film recounts Luke's rise to fame as he changes the face of hip-hop, fights for first amendment rights, and ushers Miami into a golden era of peace and prosperity as mayor. Everything changes when a nuclear meltdown turns Miami into a radioactive wasteland filled with mutants, and Luke is the only survivor.

Related: 2 Live Crew is reuniting this summer?! As Nasty As They Wanna Be changed my life. That album, and Weird Al's Off the Deep End.

Rubber Bordello is a silent, black-and-white fetish film set to a ragtime soundtrack by Fat Mike of NOFX.

The jesting sticks mostly to the song titles, such as "Citizen Caned" and "Bitch Cassidy."

"Butch Cassidy is one of the characters in the film," Fat Mike explains. "They sodomize him and start calling him Bitch Cassidy. The song 'Fucking Machine Gun Etiquette' is a play on the Damned song 'Machine Gun Etiquette,' and there is a scene that has a fucking machine. We got one that's framed in wood so it looks real old-school and fits perfect with the movie." [source]

#comingattractions

Time Warner Cable and Cox in San Diego have agreed to launch DogTV, a new network targeting dogs.

"DogTV took great care to select the right visuals – the color palettes, camera angles, and transitions that appeal the most to dogs," the network said.

Four years of research have gone into the project.

• Bark Out Loud: Dogs Get Their Own Network

The identical twin sons then choose to live with different biological parents, forming two identical families.

"Is he multiplying binomials? He's six!"
"He doesn't know what he's doing…"

When we dine out together, B pacifies her son in peculiar ways.

"He can do sudoku?"
"It's kids' sudoku."
"That exists?"

Every time an online survey ($5 off at chain restaurants!) asks for my age range, I instinctively select "18 to 24," before slinking the dot down to "25 to 34." It's like I'm an animated GIF.

So what we go out
That's how it's supposed to be
Living young and wild and free

Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

While still in my 20s, I can no longer groove to songs about youthful abandon without feeling like a cool dad.

This is my impression of all my Tumblr followers: "Odd Future, Taylor Gang, swag, weed, ball caps, sneakers."

Rory: What is Taylor Gang?
Jon: Heh. I asked myself that too. It's collectively Wiz Khalifa's record label, his crew, his fans, and a lifestyle.
Rory: A lifestyle?
Jon: Like Amish or straight edge – Taylor Gang.

it's being free, being yourself, and just having fun, enjoying life, getting high, getting drunk, and getting money

Rory: He branded that as a lifestyle?

You ever think about mussels, and what odd living organisms they are? Mussels and clams.

Imagine being reincarnated as a mussel. Imagine Bam Margera's soul trapped in the body of a mussel.

Webcomic Idea: Celebreincarnations.

• The next era: Bittorrent for physical objects