Truculent

Nickelodeon is partnering with Carmelo Anthony on a line of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles inspired consumer products.

The New York Knicks star will serve as creative director of Turtles by Melo. It is expected to span lifestyle products, home furnishings, publishing, video games and more. [source]

TURTLES BY MELO

Rapid Decompression


Kids shows these days…


At tonight's Tumblr Fuck Yeah Party Sponsored by Entourage—that is the party's official name— I meet an Entourage fanboy named Jeff. I ask him why he loves the show.

"It's the life I wanted," he says. "I just missed out on it."

Later, I find another fan named Spencer, who's rocking a white satin football jersey. Are you excited for the movie? I ask.

"I'm fuckin' excited as hell. Yeah, to see some titties and see some fuckin' extravagant spending of money." [source]

I am Hamm

Story Idea: A hotly anticipated music album leaks, and everyone who listens to the leak dies as soon as they stop listening.

Sketch Idea: Modern Funeral. Selfies with the corpse, obvs. Tweet your respects using the hashtag #roryin5words. Eulogies: 28 things you probably didn't know about Rory, 19 things only childhood friends of Rory will understand. A pre-recorded video is played of Rory reacting to his or her death – "Hey guys…"

NHL Idea: The team that wins the Presidents' Trophy receives a free power play that it can use at any time during the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

Started from the bottom

Sloan is a rock/power pop quartet from Halifax, Nova Scotia.

The success and recognition of their albums, (most notably Twice Removed) in rankings has made Sloan one of the best Canadian bands of all time.

In 2005, Twice Removed was named the best Canadian album ever.

One of the best Canadian bands of all time – who released the best Canadian album ever – playing at noon in a tent on Sunday.

They follow a local band that won a contest.

I never wanted to hold you back, I just wanted to hold on

Suppose that a beloved artist/band announces that they will release a new album the day after Election Day, but only if their chosen candidate wins. Otherwise, the album will be destroyed. Let's assume that the promise is made with enough time to register to vote. Who would have the most influence? Who has the most voting-age fans who give enough of a shit to register and make it to the polls, but not enough of a shit to respect the democratic process? Beyoncé?

Beyoncé. I can't even think of anyone who would come close. Every white girl in her twenties would go fleeing to the polls, which would give the Democratic candidate a significant boost in terms of voter turnout.

In fact, if I were the Democratic candidate, I would do exactly this. I would set up a Super PAC and funnel $10 million to Beyoncé (do Super PACs work like that? Probably not), and then I would ask her to make a video to be released on midnight of Election Day, but it only gets released if I win (provided Beyoncé agrees with my liberal pledge to give every American a free puppy and institute a tax on misspelled web comments). Then I would sweep the coastal states, carry the Midwest, defeat the GOP, and Beyoncé would unleash a five-minute video of herself dancing with a chair and singing WAY too fast, and people would lose their goddamn minds. That's the kind of modern electioneering you have to look forward to in 2016. [source]

The Smiths. Sweep the Latino vote.


If I give my story to the world, I wonder if they'd book me for a show

WONKA
A dark reimagining of the Willy Wonka story beginning in World War II and culminating with his takeover of the chocolate factory.

The Black List is an annual survey of Hollywood's "most liked" unproduced screenplays.

I AM RYAN REYNOLDS
An inside look at the marriage, career, and mental state of 2010's Sexiest Man Alive.

Laxachusetts

Disney's The Breakfast Club
The brain = Marvel/Star Wars
The athlete = ESPN
The basket case = A&E
The princess = ABC Family/Lifetime
The criminal = Maker Studios


Wikia descriptions of season 14 Degrassi characters:

Mike Dallas, the multi-layered alphamale and teen dad repeating Grade 12.

Clare Edwards, the strong-willed, intellectual, compassionate, and sometimes sneaky Student Body VP who has beat cancer and is currently pregnant.

Miles Hollingsworth III, a billionaire bad-boy with charisma who was expelled from boarding school for arson who is bisexual.

Maya Matlin, a young cello virtuoso who is trying to move forward in her life after her late boyfriend's suicide.

Zoë Rivas, a former West Drive star with a passion for fashion who uses her looks, charm, and deviousness to get her way while also trying to cope with her recent sexual assault.


UPDATE: Someone catalogued every sexual assault in Degrassi history!

Lucy and Susie were sexually harassed by Mr. Colby at Degrassi Junior High School.

Wheels was almost molested in a car by a random stranger while he was hitchhiking.

Liz was molested by her mother's ex-boyfriend as a young girl.

Emma was held captive in a hotel room by a pedophile and was almost raped.

Paige was raped by Dean at a party.

Darcy was raped by a serial rapist who spiked teenage girls' drinks at a party.

Jane was molested by her father, Carlos Valieri.

K.C. was almost forced to have sex with a hooker hired by Coach Carson against his will as well as had him watching porn.

Connor was almost molested in a car by his internet stalker.

Bianca was forced into sex with Vince on numerous occassions and was almost raped by her ex-boyfriend Anson.

Clare was sexually harassed by her former boss, Asher.

Maya was sexually harassed by Neil following being cyber bullied and slut shamed online.

Zoë was raped by Luke and Neil at a party.

Tristan was statutory raped by Mr. Yates.

Winston was almost groped by Mr. Yates.

Gay Son or Hoe Daughter


"My mother tries to guess the names of Smash Bros. characters."


"The Cube"—a hollowed-out block of brioche stuffed with French fries or mac 'n cheese—started off as an inside joke, a riff off the mystery boxes in Super Mario Bros. that reward players with medals or mushrooms, super leaves or fire flowers.

"We were, like, let's just have fun with this—let's stuff it with fries. Then we started getting crazy." [source]


Hammer Bros. jump pretty high for dudes carrying a bunch of hammers.