Maria Bandit

// Las Vegas, NV

Dick Vitale is calling the West Coast Conference tournament final? He'll fly west of Kansas for this but not any Pac-12 games?


Thursday & Sunday at 10:30 p.m.

Each week, catch sports blockbusters on the big screen for a unique movie night experience.

Dick Vitale had to experience Glory Road at the Wynn Sports Book before he dies.

There are three unrelated "Public House"s on the Strip and six "The Buffet"s.

Vegas buffet excess is fed to local pigs.

Idea: A half- or third-price Day-Old Buffet. All of the food is Vegas buffet leftovers from the previous day.

Zero Latency

// Las Vegas, NV

Four nights a week!

What is the most money that someone has ever won from a slot machine in an airport?

As per this article:

The largest jackpot ever won at Reno-Tahoe airport happened in 2010, when someone won $10.4 million in a Megabucks machine.

The largest jackpot ever won at McCarran airport was $3.9 million on a Wheel of Fortune slot machine in 2005.

Driver: That's where the shooting happened.
Me: Oh! It's…not adjacent to Mandalay Bay.

Vegas has the chattiest Uber/Lyft drivers.

Chitty Chitty Bang, Murder Everything

What is Cheesecake Factory about these?

Wikipedia » Kit Kat:

Kit Kat is produced globally by Nestlé with the exception of the United States where it is made under license by The Hershey Company.

This is like Disney owning everything Star Wars except A New Hope.

Nestlé has to honour a licensing agreement which allows Hershey to retain the Kit Kat licence so long as Hershey is not sold.

As Kit Kat is one of Hershey's top five brands in the US market, the Kit Kat licence was a key factor in Hershey's failed attempt to attract a serious buyer in 2002.

Kit Kat: A lucrative albatross.

Nestlé doesn't want Reese's and Twizzlers in its portfolio?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

9. The Winds of Winner's (Atlanta, S02E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

(Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E01)

  • "Prince's best work in years. But you do know he's no longer alive over there, right? Now what do you think would happen if this fucking album were to find its way across?"
    "Ian, please."
    "We are tasked with safeguarding the most important fucking secret in the history of mankind." (Counterpart, S01E06)
  • "We're supposed to suck NACA's dick, that's why we came here! You came here to suck NACA's dick, suck NACA's dick!" (Crashing, S02E07)
  • Shark Tank Season Grade: C
  • "'KOKOMO IS IT REAL.' Do we really want a principal who's daydreaming about some fake paradise in the Florida Keys?"
    "Well, why are the other ones real? Aruba, Jamaica…" (A.P. Bio, S01E02)
  • "Koo Koo Roo got ya, huh?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E17)
  • "He was laughing at a [Suddenly] Susan joke when he passed." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E17)
  • "I want to visit you at Stanford, not Georgia Tech." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E17)
  • "Did you say Artem is a dentist?"
    "Yeah, pediatric dentist. Here's my card. Oh, the doll's head is there so you remember I'm good with kids." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "Captain Steve is on the flight, and he's very bitter, and not adorably bitter like a late-in-life Lena Horne, scary bitter like a late-in-life Bette Davis."
    "Love a reference from this century once in a while."
    "Hamilton." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "If you find yourself in Vegas on a Friday night, why not celebrate the Sabbath the way Captain Dave does? Praying the night away at Temple Beth Vegas, where you'll find the best all-you-can-eat Oneg, and the loosest slots this side of Haifa." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "This Discman only plays Seger." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "And here you stand, Bernard, forsaken and alone, like a young Hedy Lamarr's Joan of Arc, with no around to tell you they don't get that reference." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "I've been dreaming about kicking your ass for a long time, Dave."
    "Well, that's not gonna happen, so keep dreaming, Pam Ewing!"
    "From Dallas. All of season nine was Pam Ewing's dream. You never watched Dallas?"
    "I believe it's pronounced 'die-yes.'" (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "You're acting like children."
    "Show me one child with a mustache like this. Foreigners don't count." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "Oh! Tiny burgers!" (Baskets, S03E06)
  • "Don't thank me, thank Arby."
    "I do every day." (Baskets, S03E06)
  • "I've died and gone to Arizona State." (Grown-ish, S01E09)
  • "What the hell do you bribe dead people with? Is there money here?"
    "And what about the White Walkers?"
    "Oh, the White Walkers. Yeah, I mean, those guys are bad news. You know, but then the British-sounding dude came and, you know, kicked their asses." (The Magicians, S03E08)
  • "What a volatile mix you are. Too lazy to work and too proud to be kept." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E06)
  • "Being smart is useless unless it's in the service of something." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E06)
  • "This world has wasted me." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E06)
  • "This show is creating a false sense of camaraderie, like when a celebrity dies." (Corporate, S01E08)
  • "I'm just trying to cope through a year in Toledo with its miserable excuse for espresso."
    "Put your hand down. Next words I hear out of you better be in a British accent.
    "The bookstore at the mall has good espresso, m'lord." (A.P. Bio, S01E03)
  • "Oh, the ram's name is Pam? All rams are male."
    "Pam's a trans ram." (A.P. Bio, S01E03)
  • "Never talk about grades. No one cares. They have no impact on life." (A.P. Bio, S01E03)
  • "You wanna try one of these sliders, bro?"
    "Yeah, yeah."
    "Have a seat. Be careful. It's very, very cold." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • ♫: Death Grips – "Hot Head" (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Florida Man is responsible for a large percentage of abnormal incidents that occur in Florida. Think of him as an alt-right Johnny Appleseed. No one knows his true identity, date of birth, what he looks like. That's why headlines always say, 'Florida Man.' […] Him, the state government, fuckin' cahoots."
    "Why would anyone even do that?"
    "To prevent black people from coming to and/or registering to vote in Florida, Earn." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "What flavour is a Flamin' Hot Cheeto?"
    "I am tasting hot." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Hold on, let me put you on speaker."
    "Nigga, take me off speaker." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "What is you doing here?"
    "Yeah, Al sent me."
    "He too good to come see me now on his own? He DMX now?" (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Hey, I would say 'nice to meet you,' but I don't believe in time as a concept, so I'll just say 'we always met.'" (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Ma'am, do you live here?"
    "No, she don't live here. I'm fuckin' the bitch." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "You don't have an alligator."
    "Yes, he do!"
    "He do got an alligator!"
    "That's the alligator man!"
    "Them children ain't lying to you. I'm the alligator man. Okay? So now, just leave me alone, won't be no gator." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "All I know is I ain't gotta do shit 'cause I ain't done shit." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "This nigga got a full-grown caiman in here surrounded by chicken carcasses. Shit like an Azealia Banks Snapchat." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Nigga, I'm not crazy. I'm not Florida Man." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • ♫: Curtis Mayfield – "When Seasons Change" (Atlanta, S02E01)

(Babylon Berlin, S01E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


Eater's Digest: New Orleans

January 2018
dtb / bayona / palace café / la petite grocery / toups south / parkway / willie mae's / mr. chill's first class hot dogs and sweet's pastries / boucherie / maypop / parasol's bar and restaurant / cafe du monde / turkey and the wolf / dong phuong / killer poboys / compère lapin / magazine pizza / marjie's grill / clesi's / fritai / fete au fete / cochon / cochon butcher / mr. bubbles / carmo / emeril's restaurant / domilise's po-boy and bar / raising cane's

Crawfish Boil (Clesi's)
Chicken and Sausage Jambalaya (Clesi's)

My favourite meal in New Orleans was a catered lunch, unexpectedly.

Next visit, I want to try

Jambalaya Cheese Fries (Clesi's)
cajun fries layered with cheddar, jambalaya, and pepper jack

at (Clesi's) brick-and-mortar.

Crabmeat Cheesecake (Palace Café)
pecan crust, mushroom sauté, creole meunière

^ A savoury seafood-topped cheesecake.

related: the Shrimp and Alligator Sausage Cheesecake at (Jacques Imo's), which I was unable to try this visit, nor its

Deep Fried Roast Beef Po-Boy (Jacques Imo's)
with gravy.

Home-Cooked Hot Roast Beef with Gravy Poor Boy (Parkway)
slow roasted beef soaked in savoury brown gravy
—The best po' boy I tried this trip, and the one with the best bread.

Shrimp Po-Boy (Domilise's Po-Boy and Bar)

Firecracker Shrimp Po Boy (Parasol's Bar and Restaurant)

I was slow to discover (Parasol's) chill restaurant half.

A sign in its dive bar half reads "food" but points to a door that appears to be for employees only.

Bon Appétit named (Turkey and the Wolf) America's best new restaurant of 2017. I failed to see what all the fuss is about.

Fried Bologna Sandwich (Turkey and the Wolf)
leighann's bologna, hot english mustard, potato chips, shrettuce, mayo, american cheese, on white

Collard Green Melt (Turkey and the Wolf)
slow-cooked collards, swiss cheese, pickled cherry, pepper dressing, cole slaw, on rye bread

Fried Alligator with Chili Garlic Mayonnaise (Cochon)
Fried Livers with Pepper Jelly and Toast (Cochon)

Cochon Muffaletta (Cochon Butcher)
with house meats and olive salad on sicilian roll

I didn't feel either (Cochon) restaurant either and consequently didn't bother trying sister restaurant (Pêche).

Los Angeles Gumbo?

Oh. Right. "LA" is "Louisiana."

LA-1 Gumbo (DTB)
louisiana blue crab, collard greens, crab fat potato salad
Me: This gumbo has potato salad in it?
Server: Just a dollop on top.

Fried Cornbread (DTB)
ham hock marmalade, goat cheese, jalapeño

^ Sublime. Everything in its right place.

Cornmeal Gnocchi (DTB)
hot sausage, broccoli rabe, pecorino romano, lime
—Not sure if this dish was over-salted or if the hot sausage scrambled my palate.

Andouille Pate (DTB)
chef's daily accompaniments

^ Spreadable sausage.

Mushroom Boudin Balls (DTB)
smoked mayo, pickled collards
—Faux sausage.

Fall Spiced Cake (DTB)
pumpkin cake, peanut bark, rum caramel, bouille, buttered popcorn ice cream

Ice Cream Sandwich (DTB)
gâteau de sirop, creole cream cheese ice cream, candied pecans

Pecan King Cake (Dong Phuong)

^ I got in on (Dong Phuong)'s king cakes before people began scalping and fist-fighting over them.

7UP Pound Cake (Mr. Chill's First Class Hotdogs and Sweet Pastries)

Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding (Boucherie)
Thai Chili Chocolate Chess Pie (Boucherie)

Beignets (Cafe Du Monde)

^ Easy on the powdered sugar, Monde.

Blue Crab Beignets (La Petite Grocery)
malt vinegar aioli

^ Pleasantly surprisingly tender.

Turtle Bolognese (La Petite Grocery)
bucatini, sherry, parsley, and fried soft boiled egg
—Turtle meat pasta.

Cracklins (Toups South)

Sourdough Biscuits with Crab Fat Butter (Toups South)

^ The crab fat butter was unpalatably crabby.

Smoked Foie Gras Terrine (Toups South)
banana bread, saba, cured egg yolk

^ I know better than to order unseared foie gras, but "banana bread" intrigued me. Three bites in, I boxed it up for a homeless person.

Smoked Duck "PB&J" (Bayona)
cashew butter, pepper jelly, apple-celery salad, wild flour multigrain
—Came for the sandwich, stayed for its accompanying apple-celery salad.

Fritai (Fritai)
between two fried plantains with pork shoulder, avocado, mango sauce, and pickliz; served with plantain chips

^ A Haitian sandwich. Tostones are lousy bread.

Crawfish Poutine (Fete Au Fete)
crawfish-boiled new potatoes fried, then smothered with pepper jack cheese and buttery crawfish étouffée

^ Never mind that it's not poutine, why smother potato chunks instead of fries?

Cajun Cubano (Fete Au Fete)
spiced roasted pork loin, tasso, smoked gouda, with a jalapeño-garlic aioli, pressed
—The smoked gouda overwhelmed everything else.

Ya-ka-mein, a meaty noodle soup known as Old Sober, is New Orleans' tried and true hangover cure. It's a crossbreed of Asian and African-American culinary traditions. Traditionally made from a combination of beef, cooked eggs, green onions and noodles stewed in a spicy, salty broth, the addition of soy sauce gives this soulful brew an Asian twist.

A distinctly New Orleans dish, ya-ka-mein hails from murky origins. The most popular explanation is that black soldiers who fought in the Korean War got a taste of Asian food and brought it home to New Orleans, where sweethearts, mothers and grandmothers made the recipe their own.

Another theory is that Chinese immigrants who came to Louisiana to work on the sugar plantations and railroads brought their Asian noodle soup with them and gave their African-American co-workers a taste. [source]

Yaka Main (Mr. Chill's First Class Hotdogs and Sweet Pastries)

^ It's…an Asian beef noodle soup. Is its appeal that it's made by black people? Did I just try an unremarkable version?

(Maypop) offers unique dim sum. Shame that it was all mediocre.

Pork and Cane Syrup Sausage-Stuffed Sesame Balls (Maypop)
chili oil

Bacon Scallion Pancakes with Oysters in Cucumber Kimchi (Maypop)

Octopus Shumai (Maypop)
spicy mustard

Head Cheese and Blue Crab Soup Dumplings (Maypop)

Okay, this complimentary amuse-bouche was good:

Spicy Thai Curry Beignet with Wasabi Cream (Maypop)

Roasted Apple and Citrus Ravioli with Crispy Smoked Boudin (Maypop)
shaved apple, parmesan, brown butter, colatura fish sauce

Maypop Java Freeze (Maypop)
frozen mt. gay silver and eclipse rums, passion fruit, coffee, whipped cream
—Coffee with passion fruit.

Almond Cola (Fest)
Pecan Root Beer (Fest)
Southern Peach Ginger Ale (Fest)
—(Fest) makes sodas with "flavours tailored for the New Orleans area." If nothing else, you can taste the tailoring.

First Frost Cocktail (Ace Hotel Lobby Bar)
mint chocolate chip whisky, cream, creme de cacao

The "set-up"—a half-pint of liquor, one mixer, share cups and ice—is more than a staple order at many locals-only NOLA bars: It's a community ritual. [source]

Beefeater Gin Set-Up (Marjie's Grill)
pellegrino orange or lemon, dr. browns cel-ray, topo chico, canada dry tonic
—"A 200mL bottle of liquor and a bucket of ice. Make your own cocktails tableside. Please choose from our favourite suggested mixers. One set-up makes 3.5 2oz drinks."

Slow-Grilled Beef Tri-Tip (Marjie's Grill)
pasture-raised ms beef with toasted chili relish
—I think tri-tip is my favourite cut of beef.

Marinated Winter Melon (Marjie's Grill)
tossed with radishes, mint, sesame, and jalapeño
—I did not expect to like this.

Winter Som Tam Salad (Marjie's Grill)
—Or this.

LA Popcorn Rice (Marjie's Grill)
—Not Los Angeles rice.

Crispy Pig Knuckles (Marjie's Grill)
coated with black pepper, herbs, and chilis

^ I think hock is my favourite cut of pork

(Marjie's Grill)'s men's washroom

Fried Chicken (Willie Mae's)
—Bang-up breading.

Chicken Fingers (Raising Cane's)
—So this chain just sells chicken fingers? And Cane is a dog?

Of all the food I tried this trip, (Compère Lapin) best combined interesting and delicious.

Conch Croquettes (Compère Lapin)
pickled pineapple tartar sauce

Spiced Pig Ears (Compère Lapin)
smoked aioli
—I think ear is my favourite swine body part to eat.

Crispy Dirty Rice Arancini (Compère Lapin)
sour orange mojo

Cold-Smoked Tuna Tartare (Compère Lapin)
avocado, crispy bananas

^ Glorious. I returned for seconds on the last night of my trip. I would never guess that its accompanying crisps are made from bananas.

Hamachi (Compère Lapin)
guava curry, papaya

Curried Goat (Compère Lapin)
sweet potato gnocchi, cashews

^ So fresh and so clean.


Duck Hearts
smothered duck hearts, seared goat cheese grits, pickled oyster mushrooms
—"Duck hearts showered in a dust of dehydrated pig's blood."

Smoked Frog (Sac-A-Lait)
citrus creamed rillettes, aged cayenne gelèe, mustard green tortilla, spiced pecan

Tartare (Sac-A-Lait)
bluefin tuna, venison sweetbreads, fermented pepper, lemon-olive oil
—"Tuna tartare served atop fried venison sweetbreads."

Jambalaya-Stuffed Whole Chicken (Cochon Butcher)

A sno-ball is a New Orleans confection made with finely shaved ice and flavored cane sugar syrup. Commonly confused with the snow cone, the ice of a sno-ball is fine and fluffy; while a snow cone's ice is coarse, crunchy, and granular. [source]

Cheesecake-Stuffed Sno-Ball (Sno-La)

Maypop Milk Punch (Maypop)
soco 80, drambuie, coconut milk, korean chili flakes

Coffee and Cigarettes (Toups' Meatery)
nikka coffey grain japanese whiskey, tobacco bitters

Pork Chops and Applesauce (Toups South)
pork-washed whiskey, apple, aromatic bitters

The Copper Bunny Cocktail (Compère Lapin)
absolut elyx, pineapple jalapeño tequila, ginger, lime, mumm champagne

^ Served in a copper bunny.

Smoked Hamachi/Everything Doughnut (Compère Lapin)

(N7) serves fancy canned seafood straight from the can with baguette.


Come Get Some Truth

Previously on Adam Riff™ (Jun 2014):


Rory: How did they do that?
Jon: The fire is computer-generated.
Rory: So he just flailed around…?

From the same director, the most slept-on film scene of 2017:

Just keep watching.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

8. Billionaire Bill Gates Guesses Grocery Store Prices (Ellen, 02-21-18)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Eric pranking African Parisians in the fit from Jodorowsky's Holy Mountain (Eric Andre Does Paris, 02-19-18)

(Eric Andre Does Paris, 02-19-18)

  • "I know you from Lemon Party." (Eric Andre Does Paris, 02-19-18)
  • ♫: Seth Avett and Jessica Lea Mayfield – "A Fond Farewell [Elliott Smith cover]" (Crashing, S02E06)
  • "I'm the #1 dad! It's pointing towards me!" (Baskets, S03E05)
  • "I don't want walnutted fudge!" (Baskets, S03E05)
  • "Oh, Chip, we haven't seen you in church in a long time."
    "Yeah, it's nice to be back. Hasn't changed much since the '80s." (Baskets, S03E05)
  • "Hey, it's me, Little Cucumber. Thank you so much for watching. Don't forget to subscribe." (Corporate, S01E07)
  • Tracee Ellis Ross (Portlandia, S08E06)
  • "I'm aware I'm a boat, but I identify as a male boat." (The Tick, S01E07)
  • "Tick, put the jewelry down and get out of the corpse." (The Tick, S01E07)

(Babylon Berlin, S01E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


The Anime Uneducated

According to the World Casino Directory, there are 23 casinos in South Korea scattered throughout the country. But by law, there's only one — the Kangwon Land Casino & Hotel — in which South Korean citizens are allowed to gamble.

Whereas South Koreans can gamble on an array of games including a lottery, horse racing, boat racing and cycling, casino gambling is illegal — even for Koreans who travel outside the country.

Prosecution for overseas gambling is typically part of a larger case against someone. Significant numbers of trips to Las Vegas or Macau could draw the attention of prosecutors and potentially lead to criminal charges.

The Korean government allowed for one casino citizens can patronize, but put it in a remote, woebegone mining area that is difficult to get to from Seoul.

The Kangwon = Del Taco in Northern California.

Are any Koreans gambling in Black Panther's casino scene?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

7. Kevin Garnett Met Some Contortionists And It Was Great TV (Area 21, 02-13-18)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • McMafia Season Grade: B
  • "It's the only candy based on medical equipment." (Crashing, S02E05)
  • ♫: Eleni Mandell – "Girls" (Crashing, S02E05)
  • "Consider this the black signal." (Black Lightning, S01E05)
  • "Hello, Popeyes? Could I get 18 buckets of shrimp?" (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "I gotta get these French clowns. Hey, are you guys French clowns? I guess not." (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "He said to get here A-S-A-P. Those are his words, not mine. I wouldn't say that. I say 'ASAP.'" (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "I'm kinda going for a Pagliacci-type thing mixed in with a San Joaquin Valley earthiness." (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "There is lobster and crudité in the VIP room and vegan food for those with special problems." (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "Everybody who has a Costco card is gonna get a free pair of Kirkland jeans!" (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "So that's how I got this job. How did she find you?"
    "Oh. Between her legs. I'm her son." (Baskets, S03E04)

(Grown-ish, S01E08)

  • "Bruno Mars is here, and he wants a PB&J. Can you make it in the kitchen and bring it to my office?"
    "Amazing. Oh, and by the way, cut off the crusts. I legitimately can't tell how old he is." (Grown-ish, S01E08)
  • "What did you do?"
    "I told Janelle [Monáe] that her last album was a brick, said that she sucked ass in Moonlight, and because grain alcohol should not be legal, I told her to shut her dick trap forever."
    "Mm. All those things, huh?"
    "And then I tweeted a comment that, in hindsight, feels aggressively sus."
    "What did you say?"
    "'Black or white, bitch? Pick a side.'"
    "Whoa! That's…"
    "I was just talking about her choice in fashion. You know, like the tuxedos and the monochrome look."
    "What did you do?"
    "Um, I followed it up with a black middle finger emoji and then a white middle finger emoji."
    "Right, right, 'cause that would be the next logical step, right?" (Grown-ish, S01E08)
  • "What made you stop believing in God?"
    "YouTube comments."
    "Who are the 90% of people who still believe in God?"
    "Professional athletes. They're rich, hot, and their bodies haven't betrayed them yet. Their lives are amazing. Why wouldn't they believe in God?" (Corporate, S01E06)
  • "Hello, Mr. Devil."
    "It's pronounced 'Dev-ill.' But please, call me 'Christian.'" (Corporate, S01E06)
  • "I was going to leave early to go see Pitbull, but at this rate, I won't be able to. I had to forgive my father for those tickets." (Corporate, S01E06)
  • "You're gonna have to make some compromises. You can't have free porn without pop-ups." (Corporate, S01E06)
  • Andrew injecting heroin between his toes while on the phone with American Express (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E05)

(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E02)

(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E02)

  • Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E07)
  • "Oh, fuck. Fresh Prince it?"

    "It worked. I knew it. You Will Smith… Had to resort to some of the Will Smith stuff." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • "What was that?"
    "I kinda was picturing this as a Street Fighter bonus stage-type situation." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • The Joy of Painting re-join (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • "It's been…"
    "It's been–"
    "Yes, I get it." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • Nirvanna the Band the Show Season Grade: B
  • ♫: Spacehog! (Everything Sucks!, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


Whiskey and misery and parties and plays


Charlie Robinson? As in…Mac on Night Court?

Wyd Jamie Lee Curtis?

Dead. Tissue. Love.
A female necrophile recounts her life experiences and sexual awakening.

Death Metal Grandma
Follows 97-year-old Holocaust survivor, Inge Ginsberg, who has decided to break out as a singer of Death Metal music.

These are documentaries?!

Narrative shorts:

Pink Trailer
Best friends Lucy and Julie are spending their summer hiding from a terrorizing neighbor until Lucy runs out of her antidepressant, and they're forced to fight for their lives.

Abnie Oberfork: A Tale of Self-Preservation
A 12-year-old girl pickles herself to escape the malaise of childhood.

Hair Wolf
In a black hair salon in gentrifying Brooklyn, the local residents fend off a strange new monster: white women intent on sucking the lifeblood from black culture.

Long Distance Relationship
A brief story about a gentleman who's obsessed about having sex with ETs.

The Mangina Exit
Two people. Zero broken hearts. One harmless little mangina.

Olympic Athletes From Russia

Barenaked Ladies will sing the Canadian national anthem prior to tip-off [of the] 2018 NBA All-Star Game. [source]

Is this "hold my beer"-ing Kid Rock?

I feel like the same people play in the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game every year. It's like Rolling Loud.

Yup. Over half of this year's participants are returning celebrities. Nine played in last year's game.

This is Nick Cannon's 10th one?! There have only been 15!

I wonder if previous participants get first dibs on roster spots.

Michael B. Jordan played in the 2014 game. I assume he's just coaching because of Creed 2 insurance reasons.

Idea: An NBA Twitter All-Star Game.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

6. Trail Blazers Fans Play the Worst Tic-Tac-Toe Game of All Time (Hornets at Trail Blazers, 02-08-18)

Stray Observations

  • "You tried to use Hanson against me?! They're just boys!"
    "Boys?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "I had no choice but to detain him for having unpermitted doves."
    "Doves? But walking in a mesh tank top with fireworks is okay?"
    "It's Florida. That image was almost our state flag." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "Emery, we need to have a serious talk, which is impossible while you're wearing a mesh tank top." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "Oh, hey, Black Nanny Two." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "You look down on them like I look down on Under Armour shoes."
    "Oh, Dre, I don't have that kind of hate in my heart for anyone."
    "It's not hate. It's just that Steph Curry thinks we can't tell he'd rather be in Jordans." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "Okay, it seems as if I've struck a chord with you black side. Is it possible that I can talk to your white side?" (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "You are not the guy who picketed Subway when they started toasting the bread."
    "Somebody had to stand up for Quiznos."
    "Of course."
    "And Togo's gets no respect." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "Was he dressed like Earth, Wind and Fire?"
    "Was the body your boss put in the fire dressed like Maurice White?" (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "Hey, real quick, before you knock me out, you think I can get a pic? And can you make sure you light up?"
    "What?! No!" (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "Someone should burn this lesbian whorehouse to the ground." (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "I know the plane has been cleared. Is there any way I could pop back on and get something?"
    "What do you think this is, September 10?" (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "I'll have what she's having. Like the movie. You're Sally, and I'm old Jewish woman who wants orgasm." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "The bartender didn't even card me. I might as well start wearing jackets with shoulder pads and posting on Facebook." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "Sometimes you can be condescending, oblivious, and think you're fancier than you are. You're like the sorbet of people."
    "At least I'm low-fat." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "Well, I can bring sadness on command. I've seen many people being ripped apart by horses." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "We did it at Arby's."
    "Did what?"
    "Sex, man."
    "Oh. In the restaurant?"
    "No, man, in the parking lot by the grease tanks." (Baskets, S03E03)
  • "You're destroying families with your courtesan ways!"
    "It's different with Hal. He's not a client. It's real."
    "Mother, he has a wife!"
    "Alice Cooper? That gorgon?" (Riverdale, S02E13)
  • Black-ish and Grown-ish both referencing Zoë Kravitz this week (Black-ish, S04E13 / Grown-ish, S01E07)
  • "I understand the psychology of pathetic people. Just trust me on this." (Alone Together, S01E05)
  • ♫: Phoria – "Evolve" (The Magicians, S03E05)
  • "If you're over 30 and don't have a spreadsheet of everyone you've ever met, you're behind in life." (Corporate, S01E05)
  • "I was a virgin until we had sex."
    "Oh, my God."
    "Yeah. I hated it. I'm never gonna do it again." (Corporate, S01E05)
  • "Yeah! Look at this wet hamster!" (Corporate, S01E05)
  • Post-murder "Pump Up the Jam" (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E04)
  • Aimee Mann (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E04)

(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


You like Brazilian music?

Marshmello, Lil Uzi Vert, RL Grime, REZZ & More to Play #Fest 2018

#Fest (pronounced "The Number Fest") will take place Friday and Saturday, April 20 and 21.

If only Jacques had married someone surnamed "Beebaljamm."

Oh, Rocky has a twin named "Shocky"!

Also a Panther – the Rock 'n' Shock connection.

#L1TS8URGH (pronounced "the number luntz ate erg").

This game has been as good as Justin Timberlake

"ALT 105.3 New Music Discovery: MISSIO – 'Everybody Gets High.'"


Once upon a time in a land far away
There lived a little boy and he drank all day
Friends called him stupid and his brothers called him gay
Emptied all the bottles 'til the pain went away

Isn't this the same group behind that "middle fingers in the air" song?

Yup, same group.

I used to drink whiskey, now I'm stuck with Perrier
I'm an alcoholic, middle fingers in the air
I'm a starving artist nowhere close to millionaire
I prefer my Kia, middle fingers in the air

How old is this lyricist?


What was I doing when I was 26?

Previously on Adam Riff™ (March 2009):

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

5. Papa Poutine (Riverdale, S02E12)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Shameless Season Grade: D
  • Justin Forsett and Miesha Tate (Shark Tank, S09E20)
  • "You can't scrub it from the internet. Everything on the internet is permanent. It's digital herpes." (Crashing, S02E03)
  • "Of all the people in the world that you could've pissed off, Bill Burr is the worst. He's out there, he's, he's…MMA! He's involved with the MMA community! He's friends with Joe Rogan!" (Crashing, S02E03)
  • "And after the 11:00 news, it's The Late Show With David Letterman."
    "Louis, you can stay up and watch that old man and his piano gremlin, but I'm going to bed." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E14)
  • "He's having a panic attack! Breathe into your mother's knock-off purse." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "Why does he suddenly need to breathe into my authentic Chanel purse?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "Oh, no! He's having a panic attack! Who has a knock-off Chanel purse he can breathe into?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "How do you shower?" (Black Lightning, S01E03)
  • "Don't sexualize my name, please." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Never trust anyone with three names. James Earl Ray. John Wilkes Booth."
    "David Lee Roth." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "On Law and Order, bartenders are always being evasive for no reason." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Could I compensate you for that information? I've got a couple of fives and some Certs." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "What? He's a shepherd from the Basque region in Bakersfield?"
    "Yeah, there's a big Basque community here, and I met him outside the feed store." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Sorry, I got a carrot delivery." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "What, you gotta pee al fresco or something?" (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "And this is a perfectly acceptable moonwalk!" (Speechless, S02E14)
  • "I'm Hyman – Cooper."
    "Hyman. Did that mean something different when you were born?"
    "Wait, you haven't heard of me? The pervert ghost of Brakebills?" (The Magicians, S03E04)
  • "Oh, Josh is my idol. That man is a vagician." (The Magicians, S03E04)
  • "Imagine the Patriot Act never existed." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "You spend years fighting corporations and then finally you have to admit to yourself you love Southwestern Eggrolls." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "The protest is now a pro-fest in Protest Fest, a four-day music festival celebrating protesting. Headliners include: Kanye West, Rage Against the Machine, and LCD Soundsystem, playing their final show on Friday and their reunion show on Saturday." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "Anyway, I gotta go deejay the Devour mac and cheese rave." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • Post-murder ham (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E03)
  • "Anyway, I took a deep breath, told them I ate a Cheeto, and walked away." (The Good Place, S02E12)
  • Ted Danson tending bar (The Good Place, S02E12)
  • The Good Place Season Grade: B

(A.P. Bio, S01E01)

  • "Boston's not even a real city. It’s a college town with a fishing pier." (Saturday Night Live, S43E13)
  • Max Headroom (Altered Carbon, S01E05)
  • ♫: Sune Rose Wagner – "More Human Than Human" (Altered Carbon, S01E06)
  • "Do you remember when I almost got fired for saying I could see your areolas through your shirt?"
    "Vaguely." (Altered Carbon, S01E08)

(Altered Carbon, S01E10)

  • Altered Carbon Season Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You