"Dressed as a black man in a Kanye West costume."
"Dressed as a black man in a Kanye West costume."
After Ted's opening weekend.
After Ted 2's opening weekend.
Weed man informs Justin that his appendix burst.
Idea: A parody of Adele's "Hello" that begins Mulder, it's me.
Idea: A joint set by Will Smith's family at Coachella – Will, Jaden, Willow, and Jada's shitty metal band. If The Smiths won't re-unite, then unite the Smiths.
I just now realized that Will and Jada named their children after themselves.
Also just this year, I realized that Waymond Womano on Workaholics is Ray Romano with "W"s.
43. Man Zone (Nathan for You, S03E02)
(Nathan for You, S03E02)
The gun shop clerk's text tone is the "uh oh" notification noise from ICQ (Nathan for You, S03E02)
Flying scarecrow (Nathan for You, S03E02)
(Nathan for You, S03E02)
(Nathan for You, S03E02)
The West Coast: We hate gluten, but we looove corn syrup!
Look at Arizona being cultured.
Toblerone, to me, is an old people candy, like Werther's. Toblerone is what you eat when no other snacks are left in a hotel mini-bar.
Oreos are not candy?
Appalachia: Swedish Fish, Oreos, Whoppers, and Candy Corn – yeesh.
Vermont and New Hampshire: The Oregon of New England.
Jon: I think this is the year that I finally distribute candy canes to trick-or-treaters.
Jon: K-Cups are too expensive.
Rory: You should distribute candy canes dressed as the Easter Bunny.
Jon: Do red, white, and blue candy canes exist?
Rory: Probably. Or just mix in Hanukkah candy canes.
Rory: Or distribute candy hearts.
Rory: Then erect a Halloween display for Christmas.
Jon: Patriotic nativity scene: Jefferson, Lincoln, and Roosevelt as the Magi. Washington as Joseph. Lady Liberty as Mary. Jesus clothed in army fatigues.
Rory: Decorate the barn with a Fathead of Brett Favre.
Jon: Uncle Sam-ta with a sack full of guns riding a mobility scooter being pulled by bald eagles.
42. Boogers and Cum (South Park, S19E04)
(Bob's Burgers, S06E02)
(Fresh Off the Boat, S02E04)
Hey, it's where I lived during college! (Modern Family, S07E04)
(American Horror Story, S05E02)
A Will Ferrell-themed bar called Stay Classy just opened in New York City.
The space at 174 Rivington Street is decked out with posters of Ferrell's movies and portraits of the actor. The bar will host an Anchorman-themed Halloween party and an Elf holiday celebration later this year. [source]
How can you be a Will Ferrell-themed bar and not have a plum cocktail with a bluish hue?
So now there is a bar in New York City themed after Will Ferrell, and a restaurant in San Francisco named after a Will Ferrell film.
Idea: A MacGruber-themed "escape the room" attraction.
Will Ferrell's next three films, as listed on IMDb:
A dad tries to re-connect with his estranged 12-year-old son.
A dad starts an illegal casino in his basement after he and his wife spend their daughter's college fund.
A step-dad's life is turned upside down when his step-kids' father comes back into their life.
John Carpenter headlining a music festival #welcometo2016
Your move, Coachella.
This is Trent Reznor in 10 years, right? Quake, Lost Highway, The Social Network, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Call of Duty: Black Ops II, Gone Girl…
Topical Halloween costumes are the lowest form of humour.
I think the Burger King Kids Club Gang would be a nifty group Halloween costume.
An oral history of why there was no Asian kid in this seemingly very inclusive gang. All they had to do was colour the nerd's hair black!
In a 2015 incarnation of this gang, Kid Vid would be wearing an Oculus Rift, Snaps would be Snapchats, Boomer would be riding a "hoverboard," and either Jaws or Lingo would be gay.
Rory: 2015 Burger King Kids Club Gang:
Marc Summers: When we tested physical challenges, all of our inside jokes became sexual. Everything became a dick joke. "If you do this, the fountain will erupt," y'know? It got ridiculously filthy. We never said "penis," "vagina," or "cum," or anything in front of the kids. But when we looked at each other, or got over to a corner, it was, "Look at that gigantic penis! It looks like a mountain just cumming!"
Summers: They initially wanted Soupy Sales to [host]. I was told they had offered the job to Dana Carvey on the same night he got the SNL offer. He took SNL.
We were up in the writers' suite. We looked out this window, and there was this huge slice of Swiss cheese being carried across the street. We said, "What are we doing?"
Summers: The worst thing that ever happened to me was when I was playing a theme park in San Jose, and I would always go through the audience and pick out people, just spontaneously. So I'm doing the show on Saturday, and there's a grown-up, like in his 30s, wearing this gigantic swastika around his neck. So I'm doing the first show at 1 o'clock, and he's jumping up and down — "Marc, pick me! Pick me!" — I don't pick him.
The second show, I go out, and he's in the same seat somehow, jumping up and down with his flapping swastika — "Marc, pick me!" — and I didn't do it. When I come back for the Sunday shows he's in the front row, and I don't pick him. He stands on his chair and yells, "You dirty fucking Jew! I'm going to kill you, you motherfucker! I come here for three shows and you don't pick me?!"
41. Guns (Saturday Night Live, S41E02)
(The Last Man on Earth, S02E02)
(Cutthroat Kitchen, S09E08)
(American Horror Story, S05E01)
(You're the Worst, S02E05)
// VANCOUVER, BRITISH COLUMBIA
Had me a swell birthday in my favourite place on Earth. Ate a Nanaimo bar for breakfast, ran the 9 km portion of the seawall around Stanley Park, saw a grey whale in English Bay while running, ate dinner at the second best restaurant in Canada. Didn't have time to walk the Nanaimo Bar Trail, though. Next visit.
Cooler tree in Vancouver: The oak tree rooted above the top floor penthouse at Eugenia Place or the Trans Am Totem?
Cooler homeless person I encountered in Vancouver: The one with a sign noting "two pet male rats" or the one with no legs and a rabbit in his lap?
Insite is the only legal supervised drug injection site in North America, located at 139 East Hastings Street, in the Downtown Eastside (DTES) neighbourhood of Vancouver, British Columbia. [source]
It's like parents supervising underage drinking, but for heroin.
I passed a marijuana dispensary in the East Village with a claw machine containing marijuana-related prizes.
578 Carrall is the Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden.
This one-of-a-kind experience is inspired by the gruesome stories of Judge Dee: China's Sherlock Holmes. [source]
When you have to tell an inquisitive U.S. border protection officer that your day job involves reforming America's immigration system.
While waiting to board my flight to Seattle, a husky dude sat down beside me and pulled out his mobile. I looked over and…
Is he using Grindr?
Yes, yes he is.
Also my flight to Seattle was a husky ginger wearing a Macklemore shirt.
And husky dude wearing a tilted top hat makes three.
While exiting the aircraft, I noticed that husky dude wearing a tilted top hat was also wearing a dog collar.
// SEATTLE, WASHINGTON
Tony: When I was in Copenhagen, Allison and I ate this fancy restaurant.
Tony: Not Noma. It was a spin-off.
Tony: Allison ordered a dish that featured bone foam, which friends later pointed out sounds like jizz.
Tony: E.T. bone foam.
Tony: Jane and her neighbour did not get along. Before Jane left, she peed on her neighbour's welcome mat. She wanted to poop on it, but if she peed on it, then her neighbour would be crazy, not her.
Our uberX driver turned the radio on as we approached downtown Seattle and "Downtown" by Macklemore was playing. I thought of husky ginger.
Idea: A Mountain Dew-themed amusement park. Each ride is named after a flavour of Mountain Dew – Baja Blast, Code Red, Live Wire, Voltage…
Mike Kelly's height shocked me.
Was he this tall when we first met? Is he somehow still growing?
Chris: Is Pete Davidson master robot on SNL?
Chris: Is Pete Davidson master robot on SNL?
Is he having a stroke?
OH. He thinks Pete Davidson looks like Rami Malek. Should I inform him that "master robot" is actually Christian Slater?
FanDuel and DraftKings are illegal in Washington state, so Washingtonians are bombarded with ads for nothing. It's kinda like Sonic [Drive-In].
Jon: You lived in Southern California for 30 years and buy a convertible after moving to Seattle?
Elizabeth: Initially, I thought "no firearms" signs in restaurants were a joke, but Washington is an open carry state. Thing is, firearms are only illegal in the bar area of a restaurant. You can carry in the rest of the restaurant – where alcohol is also served.
Jon: So if you have a hit out on you in this state, don't sit at the bar when dining out.
UCLA always loses when I'm in Seattle.
Today is my 33rd birthday.
Jon: Oh gawd… What is this?
Rory: Open it.
40. End of the Road (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E02)
Previously on Adam Riff™:
I didn't chronicle my last trip to D.C. (Jan 2014). Just know that the frites at Granville Moore's are compulsively edible.
the partisan / thomas foolery / captain cookie and the milkman / board room / bethesda bagels / sundevich / thip khao / gbd / nando's / woodward takeout food / compass rose / daikaya / red apron butcher at union market / ice cream jubilee / maketto
Duck French Toast Panini (The Partisan)
duck confit, foie gras, red wine duck jus, fried egg
K.F.P. (The Partisan)
korean fried pig foot, valentina hot sauce butter, blue cheese
Rotissi-fried Chicken (The Partisan)
half fried, half roasted, honey hot sauce
Snickers Terrine (The Partisan)
peanut butter cheesecake, milk chocolate and peanut caramel, chocolate glaze
Fernet Ice Cream Float (The Partisan)
ginger beer, lime zest, fernet-branca ice cream, ginger-molasses cookies
My kind of menu.
Beef Fat Fries (The Partisan)
roasted garlic, rosemary, ranch aioli
which Matt could not stop eating.
Red Tree Ant Egg Laab Salad (Thip Khao)
"I call it Laos caviar," says chef Seng Luangrath. A commonly eaten protein in the Southeast Asian country and neighboring Thailand, the ova are hand-harvested from nests often built on the leaves of mango trees. Texturally, the eggs are like caviar, but splooshier. [source]
I couldn't discern the ant eggs. This salad was just sour.
Duck Laab (Thip Khao)
duck, minced salad, toasted rice, garlic, scallion, cilantro, mint
—The stand-out dish of our meal.
Avocado Sticky Rice (Thip Khao)
MarionBerry Ice Cream (Ice Cream Jubilee)
ripe marionberries from oregon blended with sweet cream ice cream and graham cracker crumbs
Passionfruit Guava Sorbet (Ice Cream Jubilee)
passionfruit and guava mingle with a touch of orange and hibiscus
Scrumptious ice cream. Beside the till was a container of crushed sugar cone that you could sprinkle on your ice cream gratis.
Maketto is a retail store, coffee shop, and Asian restaurant in one from the owner and chef of Toki Underground.
Taiwanese Fried Chicken (Maketto)
Scallion Pancake (Maketto)
Kingston Sandwich (Sundevich)
jerk chicken, pineapple salsa, greens, spicy slaw, garlic mayo
Khachapuri (Compass Rose)
cheese-filled bread, organic egg, local butter
The egg and butter are mixed with the cheese at your table.
"Chicken and Waffles" (Daikaya)
chicken kara-age, red bean taiyaki, wasabi butter, maple syrup
Ice Cream Luge (Pop's SeaBar)
mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwich, amaro
The ice cream sandwich is a luge for liqueur.
Face Bacon (The Pig)
jowl, smoked, slow roasted, maple
Fried Duck Heads (Thip Khao)
Now off to the other Washington.
I am extremely bummed that SMASH PUTT! closed.
Front-loading washers terrify me during spin cycles. They sound like they're out of control.
C-I-R-G-I-N seems like how a white female pop star or a Psychopathic Records artist might spell "surgeon," but I've never seen it spelled that way.
"iHeartRadio" is the cool dad-iest of corporate names. If that's what Clear Channel chose to re-brand as, imagine the names that were rejected.
related: TGI Fridays' Appley Madison campaign
My cousin Wayne lives in Taiwan. Whenever we see each other, the first thing he does is feel my stomach to gauge how fat I am.
Jon: Is it "coffee in the morning" or "fucking in the morning"?
Rory: Both. Miguel recorded two versions of the song.
Jon: Which one is canon, though? Is "coffee" a clean edit for "fucking"?
Fucking in the morning
I don't wanna wake you
I just wanna watch you sleep
It's the smell of your hair
Jon: The "fucking" version is kinda creepy.
Idea: A history of clean edits for "fuck."
Radiohead – "Creep" (1992)
You're so fucking special » You're so very special
Jay-Z – "Can I Get A…" (1998)
Can I get a "fuck you" » Can I get a "what what"
Nine Inch Nails – "Starfuckers, Inc." (2000)
Starfuckers Incorporated » Starsuckers Incorporated
Cee Lo – "Fuck You" (2010)
Fuck you and fuck her too » Forget you and forget her too
Tove Lo – "Talking Body" (2015)
If you love me right, we fuck for life » If you love me right, we love for life
Which is more disappointing: When an eatery only serves Pepsi products, or when an eatery only serves Boylan products?
Do hipster restaurants in Mexico only serve American Coca-Cola?
Ray's and Stark Bar in Los Angeles has a water menu.
Martin Riese, Water Sommelier, has curated a water selection that demonstrates the difference in taste between twenty-one different waters sourced from various regions of the world. Terroir affects water just like wine. Let us take you on a global journey of water.
There is a brand of water called "Beverly Hills 90H20."
39. Ariana Grande's Death (Scream Queens, S01E01)
"Kelly, bless you, my child." (This Is England '90, S01E02)
"The neck is the V." (Modern Family, S07E01)
Googling "California Selfie Conservancy" turns up nothing, but the field guide checks out. As for Data and Society…
Starring Rick Fox and Lolo Jones.
What is fun about that match-up?
The zombies are at least ninjas in this film.
Bears vs. Zombies (2016)
Ursidae or Ursigays? I hope it's both.
Former Chopped champions are pushed to their limits when they return to compete in an epic four-part tournament in CHOPPED: IMPOSSIBLE, premiering on Thursday, October 22nd at 8pm ET/PT.
Robert Irvine will command a seat on the judging panel.
Three competitors will power on to the Grand Finale, where one will win the chance to throw down in an impossibly daunting wild card round: against Chef Robert. [source]
Having exhausted ideas for themed episodes, Chopped adds a boss battle?
Isn't this just Beat Bobby Flay with more preliminary rounds?
Has Chopped done an episode with four wrestlers yet?
// TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA
This time in Toronto, I experienced mad déjà vu.
While waiting for my order at a burritoria cheekily decorated with framed photographs of donkeys, I saw pamphlets on my table for The Donkey Sanctuary of Canada.
"Please become a Guardian of the Donkey Sanctuary of Canada. […] Yes, I would like more information about the DSC's Sponsor a Donkey Plan."
Is this cheekiness too? I wondered.
The Sanctuary rescues the donkey with hooves so long it lives in constant pain and cannot walk. It saves a terrified mule shivering in a pen in a slaughterhouse. It offers a home to a much-loved donkey whose aging owners can no longer provide adequate care.
Of course it's in Guelph. Of course.
Why does Toronto have a logo?
The only other city with a logo I can think of is New York City.
This is an actual stage production.
Idea: A Con Air-themed donair restaurant.
Is it "donair" or "döner"?
organ döner – offal cooked on a vertical rotisserie
blood döner – blood sausage, vertically rotissed
bone marrow döner – extravagant street food
The toonie is the sexiest coin in North America.
I am back from Toronto, after an 18-hour-long journey on two hours of sleep in which:
» My flight from Toronto to Los Angeles was delayed (0800 to 0910)
» I was held back from passing through Customs in Toronto because my delayed flight wasn't scheduled to depart as soon as others (0845, 0900 vs. 0910)
» The airplane to Los Angeles circled Arizona for 20 minutes because LAX was slammed
» My connecting flight at LAX was cancelled
» The next flight out with an available seat was four hours later, delayed 15 minutes
» The next flight out with an available seat was cancelled
During my time in Toronto, $1.00 USD was ≈$1.30 CAD, so everything was ≈25% off to me, which got me thinking.
Vancouver, British Columbia is my favourite city on Earth. Why don't I live there while the exchange rate is so favourable? I can stay in Canada for 180 days without a visa.
But…winter is coming.
Also, mobile service.
I kinda want to travel up to Seattle in two weeks for my birthday.