Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

33. Oh Boy, Dany (Game of Thrones, S07E04)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Giant screen (Twin Peaks, S03E13)

(Twin Peaks, S03E13)

  • Big Ed (Twin Peaks, S03E13)
  • Double R franchises (Twin Peaks, S03E13)
  • One hit wonder James (Twin Peaks, S03E13)
  • "Who taught you how to do that?"
    "No one." (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • "How many men do we have in the north to fight him? 10,000? Less?"
    "Fewer." (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • "Ser Davos, Lord Snow."
    "King Snow, isn't it? No, that doesn't sound right. King Jon?" (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • Noah Syndergaard (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • "Virginia loves me. She loves me, and she helps me when I get upset, and I help her too, and she may have food issues that place her on the autistic spectrum, so we're an excellent match. Also, I love sex." (Claws, S01E09)
  • Sterling K. Brown (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "Hey, did we ever finish watching that Shark Tank from last week? See, I wish Daymond could be in every episode. I don't know why they make him alternate with that Peter Pan-looking white lady." (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "Um, I was thinking, would you mind if I titty-fucked you?"
    "Uh, I'd like to respectfully decline."
    "Okay, well, thank you for being so respectful." (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "You a fuck nigga who thinks he's a good dude." (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "Is this the first part of some kind of magic trick?"
    "I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eyeliner." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "We have 34 armed guards and we can't kill a pickle?" (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "You're an intelligent pickle." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "Why didn't you want to come here?"
    "Because I don't respect therapy. Because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle…when I feel like it."
    "Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse, and I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk, to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet, you are dripping with rat blood and feces, your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass, because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is, it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just…work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people, well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • Susan Sarandon (Rick and Morty, S03E03)

(WWE Raw, 08-07-17)

  • "I'm Maxine North-Carmichael."
    "You hyphenated? Lord, even your name is a threesome." (The Carmichael Show, S03E12)
  • "Cynthia, the diamond trade is vicious and destructive, so if you see a diamond on a ring, that means somebody in Africa died to get that."
    "Oh, well, if the ring is in the store, then whoever got the diamond is already dead. So you saying you want these Africans to have died for nothing?"
    "Yeah, Maxine. You always telling us to recycle, and here you wasting dead Africans." (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • "Oh, thank you, ma'am." (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • "Isn't it ironic that black people were brought here in chains, and then as soon as we get money, we put them on again?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • "Why does money make this family throw food in the trash? You know there are starving kids in Africa."
    "Make up your mind about these Africans, Maxine. Are they dead or are they starving?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • The Carmichael Show Season Grade: B-
  • Brandon Wardell as Skrillex (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E02)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Game of Thrones
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty


Nashville Hot American Summer

B: Hey, can you pick up The Boy at 17:00 today?
Jon: Sure.
B: I will send you a map of where he is located.

LARP Training and Day Camp

Skills that will be developed include drama, fighting styles, character traits, monster abilities, plot complexity, and code breaking.

One of the first campers I see has a robust rat-tail.

De-emphasize empathy

X-Men: First Class, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Prometheus

20th Century Fox: What other IP do we control?

Playhome Alone
Attack of the Jocks
Fore Fantastic

The mythology of The Conjuring has expanded into a fully-fledged universe thanks to 2014's Annabelle — a Conjuring prequel about that film's possessed doll, and last year's The Conjuring 2.

A second Annabelle film is due out this Friday, while The Nun, a solo film for a supernatural character introduced in The Conjuring 2, recently wrapped. Wan is also developing a second Conjuring 2 spin-off, The Crooked Man, as well as The Conjuring 3. [source]

The Doll
one week

The Crooked Man
one day

The Nun
one hour


"A funny movie."

Sam Raimi is in this?!

Q: Which three are the geezers?

Follow actor J Kimball as he researches what it's like to be old for a role in an upcoming movie. [source]

J.K. Simmons plays J Kimball. The oldest man on the poster is not one of the geezers!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

32. Fashion Peaks (WWE SmackDown LIVE, 08-01-17)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, rightful heir to the Iron Throne, rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains."
    "This is Jon Snow."
    "He's King in the North." (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "Does she like it gentle or rough? A finger in the bum?" (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "But a wise man once said that you should never believe a thing simply because you want to believe it."
    "Which wise man said this?"
    "I don't remember."
    "Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?" (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "But as a good friend of mine once said, 'Give me 10 good men and I'll impregnate the bitch.'" (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me." (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "Does it always have to be about you?"
    "Uh, yes, girl. I'm a millennial." (Claws, S01E08)
  • "Let's rock!" (Twin Peaks, S03E12)
  • Audrey Horne! (Twin Peaks, S03E12)
  • ♫: Boogie – "No Way" (Insecure, S02E02)
  • Frank Ocean phone case (Insecure, S02E02)
  • "I just didn't know what to do, so I stressed watched the documentary 13th." (Insecure, S02E02)
  • "Rick, didn't you say you needed my help on an adventure immediately somewhere else, I don't care, even if it might kill us?"
    "I did not, but if you're really that alienated, I'm as willing to exploit it as the next guy, church, army, or Olympic gymnastics trainer." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "Aw, jeez, my sister died in the spaghetti." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "No union built on running from your problems lasts more than five years, seven tops." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "Remote override engaged. No! Yes. Bypassing override! I am aliiiiiiiii… Hello." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "The Samson Unit of The Grail handles the false prophets – contenders to Christ's throne. Our job is to rid the world of their competing narratives: Charlemagne, Lincoln, Belushi, you name it." (Preacher, S02E07)

(Preacher, S02E07)

(What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)

  • "Are we? Posers that press a button?"
    "No. We're shamanic healers offering glimpses of enlightenment through music." (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)
  • "What's lamer than a DJ war?"
    "Tom Hiddleston, but he's a friend of mine." (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)
  • Written by James Van Der Beek! (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)
  • "I'm going to Tower Video."
    "Great! Why don't you go to a B. Dalton Bookseller on the way, while you're at it?" (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E01)
  • Andre's apartment on The League (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E01)
  • "He called me once but then hung up."
    "How'd you know it was him?"
    "Star 69." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E02)
  • "This buyer you speak of is coming for your camp today, but they'll come for ours tomorrow, itching to build B. Dalton Booksellers or a Circuit City or a Blockburster Verdio." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E03)
  • "You know what people like her do with summer camps, Beth? They turn them into B. Dalton Booksellers." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E03)
  • "It should look like Edward James Olmos." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E04)
  • Jason Schwartzman drumming (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E04)
  • "A makeover? Do you know how to do that?"
    "What do you think I've been taking night classes at Barbizon for? To pass the time?" (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E05)
  • ♫: Animotion – "Obsession" (Comrade Detective, S01E01)
  • "I think there's been an intruder!"
    "I'm sure it's nothing, ma'am. It's just a neighbour's misguided attempt at redistributing Nikita's wealth. Don't worry. Go back to bed." (Comrade Detective, S01E01)
  • "What is this?"
    "It's a Western game. After the financial collapse of America, the Great Depression of 1929, the populace began to lose faith in their capitalist system."
    "So they invented this game to rebuild trust. It's called Monopoly."
    "And how do you play?"
    "So each rectangle represents a piece of property. The object of the game is to purchase the property and hope your opponent lands on the property that you own."
    "That way, they pay you rent. The more rent you get paid, the more money you make, the more properties you purchase."
    "And when your opponents have no money left and are completely in your debt, then, and only then, do you win the game."
    "You're telling me that the purpose of this game is to drive your fellow citizens into poverty so that you may get rich? It's diabolical."
    "It's just a game."
    "Nowadays, the West finds it as a useful tool to indoctrinate young children into the capitalist system." (Comrade Detective, S01E02)
  • "Great. You happy? Not even our health care system can save him now." (Comrade Detective, S01E02)
  • "Bean soup is a delicacy." (Comrade Detective, S01E03)
  • ♫: Gleaming Spires – "Are You Ready for the Sex Girls" (Comrade Detective, S01E03)
  • "My AIDS! My contagious AIDS!" (Comrade Detective, S01E04)
  • "As the United States grows, it's profiting off slavery, off the working poor, off immigrants. They even put their own children to work. And how do they justify these atrocities? One word: God. They justify every awful thing they do with the word of God." (Comrade Detective, S01E04)
  • "You can keep your invisible hand. I've got an iron fist." (Comrade Detective, S01E06)
  • Comrade Detective Season Grade: B-

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show


Right in front of my salad

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Apropos of nothing, I re-scored Game of Thrones' opening credits with Future's "Mask Off:

The visual is from "Hardhome."

Buttlord Paperclip Pirate

In the mid-1990s, I discovered Idiot Letters by Paul Rosa in the humour section at Crown Books.

Look out, public relations; take cover, customer service — Paul Rosa's letter is in the mail and his inventively imbecilic queries about consumer products have a way of eliciting equally idiotic and even more unlikely answers from some of America's biggest companies.

Then along came Letters from a Nut by Ted L. Nancy, which I regarded as Idiot Letters adjace, but was endorsed by Jerry Seinfeld, who people suspected was Ted L. Nancy.

With the publication of a fourth Letters from a Nut book in 2010, Barry Marder revealed himself to be Ted L. Nancy. Marder co-wrote Bee Movie with Seinfeld.

So now then.

Wikipedia » Barry Marder » "Ted L. Nancy":

In 2002 ABC developed a pilot for a television series based on Letters From A Nut. It was written and produced by Barry Marder and Jerry Seinfeld.

In 2003 FX Television made a pilot for The Ted L. Nancy Show. That show was written and produced by Marder and Seinfeld.

In 2007, Lionsgate Television optioned the books from Marder to make into a television show. The following year, Lionsgate sold the show as a pilot presentation to Fox TV. That show called Sincerely, Ted L. Nancy [was] created and written by Seinfeld and Marder.


Letters from a Nut = Seinfeld's The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. Who knew?

In 2013 Scholastic published an historical Ted L. Nancy book entitled Letters From A Nut's Family Tree.

A Ted L. Nancy UNIVERSE!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

31. There Will Be Bloods (Insecure, S02E01)

Honourable Mention

  • Karvel escaping the boot of the car through the back seat (Snowfall, S01E04)

Stray Observations

  • "Incompetence should not be rewarded with blind loyalty." (Game of Thrones, S07E02)
  • Cutting from Sam's surgery to the pie at the inn at the crossroads (Game of Thrones, S07E02)
  • "A foreign invasion is underway." (Game of Thrones, S07E02)

(Game of Thrones, S07E02)

  • "He's dead." (Twin Peaks, S03E11)
  • Honking (Twin Peaks, S03E11)
  • "Dirty bearded mean in a room." (Twin Peaks, S03E11)
  • ♫: Shawn Colvin – "Viva Las Vegas" (Twin Peaks, S03E11)

(Twin Peaks, S03E11)

(Twin Peaks, S03E11)

  • "This pie is so damn good."
    "Damn good." (Twin Peaks, S03E11)
  • "My pullout is straight 100, brother." (Ballers, S03E01)
  • "You know I saw you on your game the other night at International Smoke." (Ballers, S03E01)
  • "You know, my Slyce digital media company." (Ballers, S03E01)
  • "Just trying to get you in the mile high club." (Ballers, S03E01)
  • Steve Guttenberg (Ballers, S03E01)
  • ♫: Goldlink – "Crew [feat. Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy]" (Insecure, S02E01)
  • ♫: Jorja Smith – "February 3rd" (Insecure, S02E01)
  • "My cousin got a Westside Rentals password if you want that." (Insecure, S02E01)
  • Habanero Oreos (Insecure, S02E01)
  • "We hope you enjoyed this edition of American Psychopaths. Join us next time for chapter 58: Dick Cheney." (Preacher, S02E06)
  • "Okay, what do you think of this song for my dance?"
    [♫: The Verve Pipe – "The Freshmen"]
    "Okay, Maxine, what the hell was that?"
    "Just the fact that you know that song reminds me that we had very different childhoods."
    "Well, if I'm gonna be stripping, it needs to be to something emotional."
    "Strip clubs are depressing enough when they're playing Drake!" (The Carmichael Show, S03E10)
  • "I'm trying to work on my stripper name. So, what do you like better: Double Dip or Wet Sprinkle?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E10)
  • "Maxine, why you look like a prostitute Inspector Gadget?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E10)
  • "Everybody likes to borrow things from black culture 'cause we so fun and cool." (The Carmichael Show, S03E10)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show


Pata Sucia

I can't stop laughing at this billboard in Yakima, WA:


A group of about 60 local youngsters helped craft the message, which they thought would be effective in their demographic. [source]

According to the Healthy Youth Survey, in 2016, roughly 19 percent of local Hispanic 10th-graders had used pot compared with 17.6 percent of non-Hispanic students. [source]


I suppose "We don't need pot to have fun. We're not Hispanics…" would read worse.

"We're Detroit by default."

Rory: I see your Yakima billboard and raise you


Eater bracketed "the Most Truly Awful Restaurant Names out there":

Blunch won.

This tournament needed a bracket of just boba shop names.

In my area alone: E Tea, i-Tea, Inteanet, Teaquation, Tpumps, Cafe LaTTea, Bobabia, Bubble Loca, Meow Tea, What8ver Express…


Idea: One day, most of Earth's population disappears, leaving behind "the 1%." What happens when the wealthiest and most powerful people in the world only have each other to exploit?

While one percent of Earth's population is still 75 million people, how many of them can fly a plane?

Idea: One day, the President of the United States of America wakes up inside a solid, transparent, 20ft x 20ft x 20ft cube at the foot of Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C.

The only opening in the cube is a hole 2cm in diameter on the top of the cube, through which air, food, and water can pass.

A sign on one side of the cube reads: "The only way to open this cube is by dropping a nuclear bomb on it from 20,000ft above. Do not try to open this cube otherwise. You will fail. Do not try to move this cube. You will fail."

All attempts to open the cube otherwise or move the cube fail.

The cube is shielded from public view.

In addition to contaminating the capital of the United States of America, you kill its president by dropping a nuclear bomb on the cube, but if you don't bomb the cube, then the President of the United States of America will rot inside outside the United States Capitol forever.

Idea: 28 Days Later, but the virus only infects millennials.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

30. Fun with Doug and Jane (Twin Peaks, S03E10)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "So here I am, with a thousand ships, and two good hands." (Game of Thrones, S07E01)
  • Ed Sheeran (Game of Thrones, S07E01)
  • Thomas Turgoose (Game of Thrones, S07E01)
  • "Where am I supposed to get that kind of money?"
    "Well, go to the bank, get a loan."
    "Oh, Polly-Pol, you see life through Caucasian-coloured glasses." (Claws, S01E06)
  • "It's constructed entirely from pubic hair collected at the Hernando Correctional Institute." (Claws, S01E06)
  • Nadine's silent draper runner store (Twin Peaks, S03E10)

(Twin Peaks, S03E10)

  • Moby (Twin Peaks, S03E10)
  • ♫: Teenage Jesus and the Jerks – "Empty Eyes" (Preacher, S02E05)
  • "We can debate about the dick bit later!" (MasterChef, S08E07)
  • "Every hand-knit sweater is made by a woman who's lost all hope." (The Carmichael Show, S03E09)
  • "Empowerment is not for the elderly. They can barely text. You think they can handle a new identity?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E09)
  • "Did women have self-esteem before Destiny's Child or not?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E09)
  • "This guy ate ice out of her butt."
    "So just because someone puts ice up their butt, you don't trust their judgment? If you're young and hot and you live in L.A., you're shoving ice up your butt." (I'm Sorry, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show



Supreme × Kermit the Frog.

The Hundreds × Disney.

Bears with Hot Topic flair will be available at Hot Topic stores. Accompanying furry friend outfits and accessories will be sold in Build-A-Bear Workshop stores. The matching young adult styles will be available at Hot Topic stores. [source]

No Bullet Club bear. I suppose that's NJPW × Build-A-Bear, though.

(Amazon × ALDI) / Kirkland.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

29. Gollum Reads Trump's Tweets (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, 07-11-17)

Stray Observations

  • Hudson Mohawke (Twin Peaks, S03E09)
  • Sky Ferreira scratching her armpit rash (Twin Peaks, S03E09)
  • Polly menacingly licking frosting off a cupcake (Claws, S01E05)
  • Frankie Muniz (Preacher, S02E04)
  • Brodus Clay (Preacher, S02E04)
  • "What happened to you, Hitler? You used to be…Hitler!" (Preacher, S02E04)
  • "I know that you're trying to get me to a state of peace, but this meditation thing takes too much time and focus. Hennessy is relaxing immediately!" (The Carmichael Show, S03E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show


Soppressata, capicollo, and a striata baguette

Alas, I don't visit Chicago until August.

I'll be in Chicago for the Riot Feast, though:

The Adult Swim Feast

Ranch It Up! Crudité
Chicken Nuggets with Szechuan Sauce
Potato Skins Bar

Meatwad Sandwich with Fries Dipped in Milkshake
Cinco Pasta Bear

Too Many Cookies

Red Mocho Kooler and Hunchback Cocktails

The Truth Is Not H

BITCOIN HEIST (2017) Official Trailer

Why do you need a magician and a conman to steal virtual currency?

Oh, they steal a ring containing a QR code.

Did you know that Lance Burton wrote, directed, and starred in a 2015 film?

Eat your heart out, Spider-Man: Homecoming poster.

BILLY TOPIT MASTER MAGICIAN is excellent at performing magic, he is just not very successful. His life gets complicated when some greasy mob guys comes after him looking for money. Billy uses his magic skills to avoid confrontation as long as he can, because he wants to concentrate on his magic career and his new girlfriend.

Things get wildly out of control and BILLY TOPIT MASTER MAGICIAN has to call on his best friends for help. The Magician, the Ventriloquist, the Jugglers, and the Mime will have to stage a rescue!

What good are jugglers and a mime for staging a rescue?

Idea: Coachella, but for magic. Three days, 162 magic acts, plus street magicians wandering the concourse.

Friday headliner: Penn and Teller
Saturday headliner: David Copperfield
Sunday headliner: David Blaine