Endless Bummer

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I am chuffed to present Backwash, a podcast by Adam Robot and I.


Episode 13:


iTunes link

1. SXSW / Joe Camel
2. Sneakerhead Travel / Hand Washing / Hotel Minibars
3. Upcoming Sequels and Remakes
4. Fear the Walking Dead / Daredevil

recorded on March 20, 2016

I just realized that our podcast has the same cover art colour scheme as Bill Simmons' podcast network:

#backwash

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

13. Martin vs. Seinfeld (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E09)


Honourable Mention

  • Arby's meltdown (Baskets, S01E10)

Stray Observations


(Tyler Perry's The Passion, 03-20-16)

  • RT: Jesus administering communion at the last supper singing "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed (Tyler Perry's The Passion, 03-20-16)
  • RT: Chris Daughtry as Judas singing Evanescence "Wake Me Up Inside" as he decides to sell out Jesus (Tyler Perry's The Passion, 03-20-16)
  • RT: Peter denies Jesus three times while singing Hoobastank's "The Reason" (Tyler Perry's The Passion, 03-20-16)
  • Eugene's distraction (Shameless, S06E14)
  • Carl and Winslow (Shameless, S06E10)
  • "But you haven't even touched your penis!" (The Magicians, S01E10)
  • "What is my dad doing at our front door?"
    "He thinks we're going on a date. I'll get rid of him. Go to your room and close the door."
    "Do not tell me what to do! You are not my mom!" (New Girl, S05E12)
  • "In my defense, I was stoned for most of the '90s, and the 2000s. Full disclosure: I was stoned this morning. I like weed." (New Girl, S05E12)
  • "What is a Seinfeld?" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "Man, Seinfeld ain't about nothing." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • The cut to O.J. recounting a Seinfeld joke (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "You know how ladies can get." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • ♫: The Folk Implosion – "Natural One" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "Her husband raped her twice."
    "Actually, it wasn't legally rape in '88. I mean, between a husband and wife."
    "You just said that – out loud." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "Toughen up, Cochran. This is a smoker's lounge. Daycare's on the first floor." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "The deputies, they're not fair. The white jurors get better treatment than us. When they took us out shopping, they gave them an hour at Target and only gave us 30 minutes at Ross."
    "Them… Us…?"
    "They know that blacks like Ross more!"
    "Is that true?"
    "Of course it is. Everybody knows that."
    Johnnie: "It's true." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • Susan Beaubian, who plays madam foreman Armanda Cooley, starred as Mrs. Nordberg, wife of O.J. Simpson's Nordberg in the 1988 Naked Gun movie (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "I pray to the Lord sweet baby black Jesus, you put me on hold one more time, negro." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "I hear you take your coffee black." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "O.J. tip line." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • RT: He underlined "frame niggers" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "You have a cute science teacher?" (The Americans, S04E02)
  • Top Chef Gregory (Portlandia, S06E10)
  • Kai Ryssdal (Portlandia, S06E10)
  • Portlandia Season Grade: D-
  • "Is she having a stroke?"
    "No, she's not having a stroke."
    "You should have a stroke…" (Baskets, S01E10)
  • "Responsibility, community, hard work, sliced meats." (Baskets, S01E10)
  • "This is Sebastian. He used to be the nurse to the Chemical Brothers' mother." (Baskets, S01E10)
  • "I found a dead sea turtle in my curly fries." (Baskets, S01E10)
  • "You're Arby's family now, my man, and Arby takes care of his own." (Baskets, S01E10)
  • Odd boxcar green-screening (Baskets, S01E10)
  • Baskets Season Grade: A-

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


Looking ahead:

Dumping Orphan Black.

#clipoftheweek

Eater's Digest: Las Vegas 2

Previously on Adam Riff™:


Pretzel Bar (The Buffet at Wynn)
—The best buffet item in all of Las Vegas – confectionery crack.


March 2016
harvest / the buffet at wynn / flock and fowl / portofino / sage / the buffet at wynn / other mama / honey salt / gelato messina / cravings buffet / slo-boy food / zydeco po-boys / the smashed pig / glutton / carson kitchen / the buffet at aria / skinnyfats / rm seafood / the buffet at wynn / herringbone / yonaka modern japanese / tacos el gordo / bacchanal buffet



French Toast and Caviar (Other Mama)
crème fraiche

An oddly pleasant combination.

Togarashi Waffle Fries (Other Mama)
—Like full-bodied Cape Cod Waffle Cut Chips.



Turducken Pot Pie (Carson Kitchen)
buttermilk crumble

Ground turkey, grilled chicken breast, shreds of confit duck legs – plus foie gras.

No longer on the menu, though.



Foie Gras Candy Bar (Sage)
salt and pepper peanut butter cream, bourbon caramel, single-origin milk chocolate

I couldn't discern the foie gras. It's seemingly included just so the restaurant can charge $20 for a candy bar.



Chocolate Bread Pudding (Glutton)
chocolate ganache, candy bar ice cream

Candy bar ice cream > a cherry.



Rick's Tasting Game (RM Seafood)
16 flavours of house made ice cream and sorbet, served blind

You are given vanilla bean, and if you can guess the rest of the flavours correctly, this $18 dessert is free.

I guessed nine correctly, so 10/16.

Three tasted like chocolate. Chocolate, carob, and dark chocolate? A: Nutella, Guinness, and chocolate.

Two tasted like coffee. Coffee and…white coffee? A: Coffee and B&B (Bénédictine and Brandy).

One didn't taste like anything. Some kind of cream-flavoured ice cream? A: Extra virgin olive oil.


C.C.S. [Central Coast Salad] (SLO-Boy Food)
market greens, goat cheddar, beer vinaigrette, charred scallions

Whole charred scallions killed this salad for me. This is what salads are like in San Luis Obispo?

I ordered this salad primarily to try its beer vinaigrette, which tasted like honey mustard.


COCKTAIL CORNER

Martini (Harvest)
smoke and blue cheese infused tito's vodka, mancino secco vermouth, rosemary, blue cheese stuffed olives
—Smoke and blue cheese infused vodka.

Abuelita's Remedy (Oak and Ivy)
stone xocoveza, milagro reposado, ibarra chocolate, topped off with crema de maiz and sprinkled with corn nuts
—Sprinkled with Corn Nuts.

Suzuki Shuzouten Hideyoshi Flying Pegasus Daiginjo (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
—Yours for only $555!

Baklava Sliced (Oak and Ivy)
high west whiskeys, honey-nut infused del professore vermouth, amaro di angostura
—"A cocktail inspired by the great taste of baklava."


SkinnyFATS is located in a nondescript office park in the hinterland, but was packed when I visited, presumably with locals.

Its concept is parallel menus – a skinny menu and a fat one. Each healthy menu item has a corresponding "happy" version.

So instead of ordering this healthy sandwich:


Teriyahi (SkinnyFATS)
seared teriyaki ahi, citrus slaw, spinach, and grilled tomato on sesame crusted 9 grain toast

I opted for its "happy" counterpart:


Filet O Fire (SkinnyFATS)
filet mignon, fried jalapeño, avo pico, jalapeño ranch, on cajun garlic sourdough toast



Hainanese Chicken Rice (Flock and Fowl)
house made ginger scallion sauce, house made chile, house made soy, marinated cucumbers, preserved mustard greens

It's not Nong's khao man gai, but it's good. I appreciate that the chicken is boneless.



Butternut Squash Gnocchi (Portofino)
turkey confit, pickled cranberries, thanksgiving crumble

Thanksgiving dumplings.

"Crab Cake" Arancini (Portofino)
lemon saffron risotto, pesto aioli, fresno pickles
—Fried crab risotto.



Crispy Devilled Eggs (The Smashed Pig)
cornichon

They reminded me of eating a po-boy.


Lamb "Tacos" (The Smashed Pig)
sour cream, sweet pepper chutney

The taco shells are fried eggplant discs.


Carne Asada Taco (Tacos El Gordo)
Cabeza Taco (Tacos El Gordo)

I dug the smokiness of the carne asada, and fuckin' adored the beef head. Best thing I ate in Las Vegas this trip.


Tuna Poke (Herringbone)
yellowfin tuna, shoyu, maui onion, macadamia

Worst thing I ate in Las Vegas this trip. A sodding rip-off at $22. I only ordered it because it's poke served with green onion pancakes. Well, [shocker!] they don't pair well.


The best restaurant I ate at in Las Vegas this trip was Yonaka Modern Japanese.


Toro (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
bluefin tuna belly, walnut, cranberry, negi, piment d'espelette


Machi Ringo (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
yellowtail, apple, fennel, sweet chili zu, negi oil

Terrific riffs on sashimi.


Meat Candy (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
twice cooked caramel glazed kurobuta pork belly, kimchee apple, smoked tofu peanut butter puree

Karaage (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
fried chicken, jalapeno, mint, basil, onion
—Fried chicken with Thai flavours.


Choco 10 Ways (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
chocolate, coffee-nutella ice cream, marshmallow

1. white choco-tofu frozen mousse
2. dehydrated chocolate milk
3. cocoa crumbs
4. choco mint oil
5. choco caramel
6. choco marshmallow
7. espresso choco macaron with Nutella ganache filling
8. candied cocoa nibs
9. choco wafers
10. coffee Nutella ice cream



Red Velvet Nutella Pancake (The Buffet at Aria)

Breakfast Calzone (The Buffet at Aria)

I know, I know. Buffet food? From a mid-tier buffet, no less?! I couldn't believe it either.

The Red Velvet Nutella Pancake is a tire-sized [in diameter] layer cake, served in slices.

Elsewhere in Las Vegas buffets…

1. Why am I seeing unpeeled cocktail shrimp?

2. The Buffet at Wynn has the best fried chicken.

3. To my dismay, The Buffet at Wynn discontinued the best buffet item in all of Las Vegas.

4. The new best buffet item in all of Las Vegas is a Made-to-Order Crepe (Bacchanal Buffet) with Nutella and strawberry sauce.


What is that place? I wondered.

OH. That's that Parisian sex shop-themed fondue restaurant that I read about – F. Pigalle.

OTHER MISSED CONNECTIONS


Bacon Pancake Dippers (MTO Café)
peppercorn maple syrup
—In-pancake bacon.

Breakfast Taquitos (Kitchen Table)
chorizo, potato, roasted chilies, pickled cabbage, avo salsa

Hickory Smoked Chocolate Coffee Cake (Yardbird)
smoked coffee cake, house-made coffee ice cream, chocolate sauce


Braised Duck Jam (Inyo)
drake duck leg "pho flavour" with thai basil, mint, bean sprout salad, and sesame cracker
—Deconstructed pho.

Tostada (Kitchen Table)
suckling pig, black beans, cilantro slaw, salsa, quail egg
—Suckling pig tostada.


(SLO-Boy Food)


Calamari Fries (Glutton)
sriracha mayo, eel sauce, crushed peanuts
—Squid as potatoes.

Octo-Cargot (Inyo)
broiled spanish octopus baked escargot style with garlic, shiro miso, and herb butter panko
—Octopuses as snails.


Tate Ichigo (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
scallops, strawberries, strawberry zu negi oil


Caramel Corn Profiteroles (Glutton)
salted caramel, popcorn ice cream, peanuts
—Popcorn ice cream.


Banana Tiramisu (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
fried latte, brown butter-banana crumble, white espresso latte
—Fried latte.

Chow is a combination Chinese and Southern food restaurant.

#eatersdigest

Guilherme Crabogiale Fuck

I spent my afternoon browsing the Hannibal Complete Series Auction.

Everything must go, from Hannibal's Rolodex to a Stuffed Octopus that appeared in a framed photo at a crime scene.

I'm tempted to bid on one of Hannibal's Vinyl Kill Suits, but I don't know what I'd do with a vinyl suit outside of Halloween, and even then, how many people would recognize me as Hannibal?


Someone bid on this.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

12. Stairwell Fight (Daredevil, S02E03)


Honourable Mention

  • Mandy/Ian/Lip/Carl (Shameless, S06E09)

Stray Observations

  • "They look sweet, but they're full of farts – just like the kids." (Bob's Burgers, S06E10)
  • "Can I borrow some cotton balls to re-stuff my obesity puppet, Portion Control Joel?" (Bob's Burgers, S06E10)
  • "It's a strain of lice that's evolved to be treatment-resistant. Every time it's not completely destroyed, it comes back even stronger."
    "Like Mark Harmon." (Bob's Burgers, S06E10)
  • "Has there ever been a singer with the last name Brown who didn't hit a girl? Chris, Bobby, James…" (The Carmichael Show, S02E02)
  • "I didn't know all of the words to 'Candle in the Wind,' so in the middle, I switched to 'Rocket Man.'" (The Carmichael Show, S02E03)
  • ♫: Bronze Radio Return – "Where I'm Coming From" (Shameless, S06E09)
  • Chuckie = Kim Bauer (Shameless, S06E09)
  • "Phil Miller got knocked down, and this time, he did not get up again. We raise a whiskey drink, we raise a vodka drink." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E12)
  • RT: how Tandy spent a good 10 seconds tuning the guitar only to use it to tap out a rhythm (The Last Man on Earth, S02E12)
  • Gail pouring a bottle of wine into a Big Gulp (The Last Man on Earth, S02E12)
  • "You're no viking; you're a sucking!" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E12)
  • "I think we might get back together."
    [pause]
    "I have diarrhea. Bye." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E12)
  • "We have this saying in Australia."
    "I know, I know. 'That's not a knife; this is a knife.'" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E12)
  • "How do you fact-check bluster?" (Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, 03-14-16)
  • Norma kissing Norman (Bates Motel, S04E02)


(Bates Motel, S04E02)

"Cece, that sweatshirt has a wine stain on it, and an off-brand Looney Tunes character. George Bunny?" (New Girl, S05E11)

  • "I'm gonna go get some breakfast candy." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E19)
  • RT: Marcia said she needed a vacation and Darden invites her to a bar in Oakland? (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E07)
  • RT: o.j. took some penthouses for the road. (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E07)
  • "What are you up to, Bob? Why you be half-steppin'?"
    "I don't know what that means." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E07)
  • "Put me in, coach!" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E07)
  • "I hate that we have to support Jack as a family. There are so many other things I'd rather do – learn to use chopsticks, elective toe surgery, watch an episode of Girls…" (Black-ish, S02E17)
  • "I've decided on gazpacho. It's the king of soups."
    "She said 'king of soups'?! Pssh. Kind of salsa…" (Black-ish, S02E17)
  • "I was done cooking for them."
    "Hey, what did you cook?! It was chunky V8, and you know it." (Black-ish, S02E17)
  • Top Chef Season Grade: D
  • "So how many times are you urinating a day?"
    "Like, 12-and-a-half." (Baskets, S01E09)
  • Trump Wine (Baskets, S01E09)
  • "[sigh] I'll try the limited time yellow squirt, please." (Baskets, S01E09)
  • "I asked for a waffle fries, but they look like criss-cut."
    "I think they're the same thing, maybe."
    "Well… Not if you know fries." (Baskets, S01E09)
  • Workaholics Season Grade: F
  • RT: the Irish mafia's dinner literally just being corned beef, cabbage and potatoes. (Daredevil, S02E01)
  • Dogs of Hell? (Daredevil, S02E01)
  • RT: Punisher goes to a seedy, criminal-serving pawn shop… And there's a Potbelly Sandwich joint across the street. (Daredevil, S02E02)
  • Artificial battle in the rain (Daredevil, S02E02)
  • Daredevil Season Grade: D

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Intellectual Brutality

Wednesday night, I thought up doing a "bread bracket," but it's too late to be seeding 64 types of bread.

Suffice it to say that the final four would probably be: biscuit, pizza, scallion pancake, and Zingerman's chocolate sourdough.

British Knights

As part of the NCAA's upcoming March Madness tournament, a number of artists will play a series of concerts during the Final Four. Artists announced include Fall Out Boy, Jason Derulo, Maroon 5, Pitbull, and Flo Rida. [source]

The NCAA: I see your Coldplay and Sting, and raise you… No. You know what? All in.


Isn't this just, like, crystal Mountain Dew?

He's jamming to club soda.


Quadruple Bypass

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I am chuffed to present Backwash, a podcast by Adam Robot and I.


Episode 12:


iTunes link

1. Seat Filler / Plumbing
2. Millennial Career Survey / Autographs / Coors Light / Cadbury Egg McFlurry
3. Nine Lives / Hentai Kamen / Lip Sync Battle Jr.
4. Current Television Lightning Round
5. Lil Yachty

recorded on February 29, 2016

We recorded this a few days after I last returned home from Los Angeles, and we release it on the day I head back.


))<>((

#backwash


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

11. Imaginary Meal (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E10)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "On the count of three, jump into your high chair."
    "Is this how babies do it?"
    "Fun babies…" (Bob's Burgers, S06E09)
  • "Where are the napkins?"
    "Do you mean the paper towel roll?" (Bob's Burgers, S06E09)
  • "Deez Knots." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E11)
  • Rick Fox as the scary-looking black man (Shameless, S06E08)
  • ♫: Bosshouse Music – "Midnight Atrophy" (Shameless, S06E08)
  • Stardust: "Are– Are you guys talking about a hand job?" (The Edge and Christian Show That Totally Reeks of Awesomeness!, S01E04)
  • "All we gotta do is, we gotta keep 'em separated."
    [pause]
    "You know, like the song? Huge song. Millions sold." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E15)
  • "Is Marcia Clark a bitch or a babe?" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E06)
  • "When I want to hear from you, I'll rattle my zipper!" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E06)
  • ♫: Seal – "Kiss From a Rose" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E06)
  • "Excuse me for interrupting this…black thing." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E06)


(The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E06)

  • ♫: Portishead – "Sour Times" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E06)
  • "Uh oh. I guess the defense is in for one hell of a week, huh?" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E06)
  • O.J.'s defense team drinking at the bar from New Girl (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E06)
  • F. Lee Bailey drinking from a Solo cup in court (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E06)


(The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E06)

  • "You have plenty of life experience. You, uhh, you took the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge…" (The Carmichael Show, S02E01)
  • "Is this one of these young people things, like believing that Bernie Sanders is a viable candidate?" (The Carmichael Show, S02E01)
  • "She got her foot in my raw chicken! Get your hooker's foot out of my chicken, man!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E10)
  • "Is it okay if I just confess something, get it off my chest, before we die?"
    "That's a good idea. We shouldn't die holding things in about ourselves. Go ahead, Dee."
    "Mac owns a Cowboys jersey. I saw him wearing it in the back office."
    "WHAT?!"
    "Don't say it's Romo."
    "Of course it's Romo! Who else would it be?!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E10)
  • "Onion!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E10)
  • "We should die thinking good thoughts. For me, that's Romo connecting with Dez for the win." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E10)
  • "Amazing Grace / How sweet the sauce." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E10)
  • It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season Grade: C+
  • Man Seeking Woman Season Grade: C
  • "What it was isn't how it is." (American Crime, S02E10)
  • American Crime Season Grade: C


(Portlandia, S06E08)

  • "That's bad."
    "Yeah, it's really, really bad. This is way, way less than Jake." (Workaholics, S06E09)
  • "Do you want me to bring a picture of you and Dale too?"
    "Yeah, maybe there's a photo of us when we were still cute."
    "About how far back would that be?"
    "The '70s. Early '70s." (Baskets, S01E08)
  • "There's a lady on the girls team! She's probably German too!" (Baskets, S01E08)
  • Ariana Grande's Jennifer Lawrence impression (Saturday Night Live, S41E15)


"Maria out." (Saturday Night Live, S41E15)


Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Justice ain't free, therefore justice ain't me

Bad Rap, directed and written by Salima Koroma. (USA) – World Premiere, Documentary. Bad Rap follows the lives and careers of four Asian-American rappers trying to break into a world that often treats them as outsiders. Sharing dynamic live performance footage and revealing interviews, these artists will make the most skeptical critics into believers. With humor and insight, the film paints a portrait of artistic passion in the face of an unsung struggle. With Jonathan "Dumbfoundead" Park, Nora "Awkwafina" Lum, David "Rekstizzy" Lee, and Richard "Lyricks" Lee.

I'm sorry, but an Asian rapper will never not be wack as hell to me. Just….no. God created Ad-Rock and Eve, not Ad-Rock and Lee.

Asian Wackness Hierarchy
1. Rapper
2. Christian
3. Bai Ling
4. Can't Speak Native Tongue

related: An Arab-American dude and an Asian-American dude rapping about Trader Joe's


Geezer, directed and written by Lee Kirk. (USA) – World Premiere, Narrative. Perry (Billie Joe Armstrong) is a happily married father of two living a comfortable but sedate life in the suburbs. On the occasion of his 40th birthday, he seeks to revisit his former life as the lead singer in a popular punk band though his middle-aged reality quickly clashes with the indulgences of his youth.

EXT. 924 GILMAN – NIGHT

Perry picks himself up off the sidewalk. "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" plays.

MONTAGE

Musical Artists I Dug as a Teenager Wackness Hierarchy
1. Tom DeLonge
2. Billy Corgan
3. Rivers Cuomo
4. Moby
5. Billie Joe Armstrong

Wait, SLC Punk 2 was released on home video this week?


Kevin Draper:

The San Jose Sharks are having a fan vote for a new goal song, and one of the six nominees is the worst thing I've ever heard in my life.

Sharts, sharts, sharts, sharts-sharts!

"All Star"? Cena's entrance music?

"I want us to have a song by someone who would perform at a Stadium Series game."

I forgot how wack the video for "All Star" is. Mystery Men!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

10. Missing (Man Seeking Woman Woman Seeking Man, S02E09)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • A man cave-themed episode with William Shatner as judge (Cutthroat Kitchen, S11E14)
  • An Irish actor playing a Russian (The Magicians, S01E07)
  • "Why don't you two just fuh?"
    […]
    "Why are you both determined to be so fuh-ing bland?" – Syfy censoring just the "ck" (The Magicians, S01E07)


(The Magicians, S01E07)

  • "Bonjour, Captain. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?"
    "No, I don't want to sleep with you."
    "Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E18)
  • Johnnie pulled over outside of Diddy Riese (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E05)
  • "Judas." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E05)
  • "Brother, I ain't trying to be respectful. I'm trying to win." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E05)
  • "Nigga please." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E05)
  • "In the '70s, when I was in law school, affirmative action was a big deal."
    "I remember."
    "No, you don't. You're white." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E05)
  • "Everybody loves my house! It was in Sunset magazine!" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E05)
  • "How many blacks did you actually consider a friend?"
    "AC! And he's darker than I am!" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E05)
  • RT: "they got o.j.'s house looking like the kwame nkrumah museum or something." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E05)
  • "Get off my bench." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E05)
  • "Whatever happens, don't do Fuhrman. Make the white people do him." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E05)
  • "Cancer is gonna become the leading cause of death for Americans as early as 2030." (Weediquette, S01E01)
  • "Watch while I turn these spades into stars." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E09)
  • Mac: "Well, I'm gay." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E09)
  • "I'm so fuckin' happy. Everything just changed."
    "I am just thrilled and ecstatic. With Tim and Joe's help, we're gonna take over this world one burger at a time."
    "After conducting due diligence, Joe and Tim decided an investment in GastroPod was too risky. Meanwhile, Jeremiah and Carla have closed their mall location and put their expansion plans on hold." (Restaurant Startup, S03E09)
  • Restaurant Startup Season Grade: B
  • "That's how a dirty fighter does it. They throw cocaine in your eyes." (Baskets, S01E07)
  • Kirkland sweatshirts (Baskets, S01E07)
  • "If you're a clown, you're a clown. If you ain't, what are you?"
    "I guess I'm a Martha." (Baskets, S01E07)
  • "If I pull over, I have to break cruise control. Is it worth it?" (Baskets, S01E07)
  • "When you guys are done fingerbanging that kiwi, can I get it? I'm starving."
    "You got it." (Workaholics, S06E08)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Eater's Digest: Chicago

Previously on Adam Riff™ (2012):


Martin Scorsese-Inspired Tasting Menu (iNG)


The chef behind that menu killed himself last year.

ANYWAY…

January 2016
parachute / dusek's / honey butter fried chicken / kuma's corner / boeufhaus / panes bread cafe / gus's world famous fried chicken / ¡bang bang! pie and biscuits / dos urban cantina / pub royale / au cheval / sultan's market / jeni's splendid ice creams / the duck inn


Parachute was Eater's 2014 Chicago Restaurant of the Year, and Bon Appétit named it one of America's best new restaurants last summer.


Baked Potato Bing Bread (Parachute)
bacon, scallion, and sour cream butter

The apogee of Chinese sesame bread.


Yukhoe (Parachute)
beef tenderloin, pear, pinenuts

Beef tartare wrapped in thinly-sliced pear.


Dolsot Bi Bim Bop (Parachute)
spanish octopus, n'duja, squid ink, gai lan, gochujang, soft egg

When mixed up, it turned all black.


A single-colour rice bowl that was one-note – spicy – in taste.


Pork Belly and Mung Bean Pancake (Parachute)
kimchi, black garlic, hen egg, pineapple

Also one-note in taste – sour.



Cookie Dough (Dusek's)
fernet chocolate chips, egg custard ice cream, mint, chocolate cremeux, cookie powder

Dusek's' pastry chef likes chocolate with fernet – fernet chocolate chips for dessert, a chocolate and fernet custard yeast donut for brunch.


Malted Bittersweet Chocolate Ice Cream Sandwich (Dusek's)
charcoal compressed banana, charcoal caramel, white coffee, honey compressed figs

Oddly muted in sweetness.


Honey Butter Fried Chicken (Honey Butter Fried Chicken)
honey butter, corn muffins

"Don't forget to put the butter on the bird!" they say.

Fried chicken + honey butter = fried chicken that tastes like chicken and waffles – waffles.

Original Fried Chicken Sandwich (Honey Butter Fried Chicken)
fried chicken strips, candied jalapeño mayo, crunchy slaw


Kuma's Corner is "a burger joint with a heavy metal attitude."

Kuma Burger (Kuma's Corner)
bacon, sharp cheddar, fried egg, tomato, onion

I should've ordered a more interesting burger—

—but I wanted to try the "famous" original.



Shortrib Beignets (Boeufhaus)
braised rib, natural jus

Doughnut holes filled with beef.

Ceci Bean Cavatelli (Boeufhaus)
haus merguez, caramelized shallot, fried ceci bean, caciocavallo, paprika jus

Ceci bean = chickpea. It's a Middle Eastern-flavoured pasta dish.

I dig fried chickpeas as a crunchy component in food.


Orange Chocolate Pie (¡Bang Bang! Pie and Biscuits)
orange curd pastry cream, chocolate cookie crust, dark chocolate drizzle

Spiced Tart Cherry Pie (¡Bang Bang! Pie and Biscuits)
mulled tart cherries, leaf lard pastry crust, pecan crumble

They swapped out their Chocolate Pecan Pie, which I was stoked to try, a few days before I arrived in Chicago. [grumbling]



Chicharrones (Dos Urban Cantina)
french onion yogurt

Pork rinds in French onion dip.

Chips and Dips (Dos Urban Cantina)
guacamole, guajillo salsa, pumpkin seed hummus

The pepitas hummus tasted peculiar.


Shrimp Taquitos (Dos Urban Cantina)
tomato broth, avocado, pickled vegetables

The broth is sensational.


Raw Scallops (Dos Urban Cantina)
spicy lime aguachile, chia seeds, roasted sweet potato

I'm not keen on raw scallops, but these were good.


Sweet Corn Tamal (Dos Urban Cantina)
charred parmesan, tomato salsa

Piloncillo Sugar Pie (Dos Urban Cantina)
malted whipped cream, pecan toffee



Doughnut (Pub Royale)
chai dolce de leche

Deep-fried naan dough with a dulce de leche glaze spiked with chai spice.



Cheeseburger (Au Cheval)

People queue for hours to eat this cheeseburger, the cheese in which is Kraft American Singles. Maybe it's the optional thick-cut peppered bacon?

Food Network named it the best burger in America last summer.

It has a very creamy mouthfeel.


Pompazo Sandwich (Panes Bread Cafe)
spicy chicken breast, homemade pesto, tomato, and provolone cheese

Falafel Sandwich (Sultan's Market)
a warm pita lined with hummus, stuffed with falafel, tomatoes, topped with jerusalem salad

Favourites from my time living in Chicago. Still tasty after all these years.


B-Boys makin' with the lentils and rice.


Duck Fat Dog (The Duck Inn)
chicago style, instant pickle

Shrimp and Duck Lumpia (The Duck Inn)
Sweet Chili Sauce

The Duck Inn was Eater's 2015 Chicago Restaurant of the Year.


Fried Cheese Curds (The Duck Inn)
bloody mary ketchup, hoppy mayo

[fingertip kissing Italian chef]


Rotisserie Duck (The Duck Inn)
salad of duck drippings, potatoes, fall greens, roasted pears and apples, gooseberry vinaigrette

You have to order this in advance, and restaurant staff note your special order with a rubber ducky.

The duck breast was dismayingly tough. The salad stole the show.


MISSED CONNECTIONS


Sea-cuterie (Travelle)
—"A seafood-inspired take on charcuterie – whitefish rillettes, thinly-sliced octopus carpaccio, a 'bouillabaisse' aspic bombe in which bits of shellfish are suspended…"

Pastrami Croquettes (Boeufhaus)
rye panko, tallegio, mustard aioli

Sunbutter Sandwich (Wyler Road)
sunflower seed butter, honey jam, toasted sunflower seed, whole wheat
—A variation on a PB-and-J?

Chicken Salad Sandwich (Wyler Road)
chicken breast, fried chicken skin, chimichurri, sour grape jam, whole wheat

Goatsnake Burger (Kuma's Corner)
herbed goat cheese, poblano corn relish, cholula lemon vinaigrette, buttermilk breaded frizzled read onion

Ice Cream Float (Dusek's)
cafe racer coffee soda, espresso tapioca, salted rum condensed milk, ginger beer ice cream
—This has since been replaced by Fried Stout [!!!].


Dressed Hamm's (Pub Royale)
hot sauce, spiced salt, lime

(Pork and Mindy's)
—The Sandwich King's restaurant.

#eatersdigest

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


9. Shane McMahon returns (WWE Raw, 02-22-16)


Stray Observations


(Shameless, S06E07)


(Shameless, S06E07)

  • Ian dancing (Shameless, S06E07)
  • Armed and naked (The Walking Dead, S06E10)
  • "You still morally flexible?" (Better Call Saul, S02E02)
  • "Hoboken Squat Cobbler. […] Dutch Apple Ass."
    "What the hell is a Squat Cobbler?"
    "It's when a man sits in pie. He sits in a pie, and he wiggles around. […] Technically, he does Crybaby Squats, so there's tears." (Better Call Saul, S02E02)


(WWE Raw, 02-22-16)


"Dang, fool. Even by Chinese standards you're a nerd."
"My backpack doesn't agree with you." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E14)

  • "Flight attendants don't even get a seat on the plane! They walk back and forth pushing a cart! They're the homeless of the sky!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E14)
  • "Are you afraid, Stacy? Are you afraid of my pog hand?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E14)
  • "How are you still shaving?"
    "I'm doing full body, Winston. I started from the bottom, now I'm here." (New Girl, S05E08)
  • "Be careful."
    "Oh, don't worry about me. I'll be invisible. Now you see me, now you—" [starts car, "Call Me Maybe" blasts] (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E17)
  • "People exchange flash drives at all hours." (The Grinder, S01E16)
  • The music when O.J. enters his plea + his thumbs up (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E04)
  • "She loved to give a Brentwood Hello."
    "I'm sorry, a Brenthood Hello?"
    "It was a little joke we had, where she would go into a guy's bedroom while he was asleep and, you know, give, go down on him." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E04)
  • "Black women don't like you."
    "What? No, no, that's idiotic. I have tried many, many cases in front of black women and won. I have a rapport with them. […] Some of those black women still write me letters!" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E04)
  • "Faye's got it all wrong. That's not true. That's not true. …Okay, that's true." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E04)
  • "Lesbian sex, 197." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E04)
  • "If these people convict me, maybe I did do it." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E04)
  • ♫: Above the Law – "Black Superman" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E04)
  • "I loved Trainwreck."
    "Loved? Are you kidding me? That Marv Albert scene?"
    "So funny, right?"
    "What movie was that from?!" (Black-ish, S02E16)
  • "Lord knows I did not need to know about Peabo Bryson." (Black-ish, S02E16)
  • "You know I was a Panther."
    "You were a Bobcat!"
    "We were Panther adjacent. Still part of the radical cat family." (Black-ish, S02E16)
  • "Keep it light, you bitch." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E08)
  • "Leprechauns aren't real, so what we're dealing with here is a little person in a glue trap."
    […]
    "Dude, if he is a human being, he's gonna sue the shit out of us."
    "If he's a leprechaun, he's got a pot of gold."
    "Yeah— Well, yeah, that's…" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E08)
  • "Do you realize what just happened? You made a wish, which the leprechaun clearly granted. You know, everyone knows you capture a leprechaun, you get three wishes, right? So we gotta think very carefully what our next two are here."
    "I wish I could live forever!"
    "What are you doing?! I wish you don't! How about that?!"
    "No! No! Why did you do that?!"
    "Why did you do that?!"
    "Why didn't you say, 'I wish I could live forever'?!"
    "And live forever with yooouuu?!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E08)
  • "I don't wanna be on your weird website!"
    "Well, if you don't comply with me, then you're gonna end up on the weird one." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E08)
  • "I went to the Rainbow to look for a pot of gold."
    "The gay bar?"
    "And when I got back, I found this bag full of wallets hidden where we keep the towels."
    "Why did you need towels?"
    "Not answering questions." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E08)
  • Destroying a SIM card with a garbage disposal (American Crime, S02E08)


(Top Chef, S13E12)

  • "Bri-an Hen-son! Bri-an Hen-son!" (Workaholics, S06E07)
  • "Look what your boys got for you." [a case of Dasani bottled water] (Baskets, S01E06)
  • "Dasani has really enhanced our brand." (Baskets, S01E06)
  • "I read an article about them, the Chemical Brothers. They used a rapper called Q-Tip."
    "Yeah."
    "What a cute name."
    "Why, was Kleenex not available?"
    [cricket chirping] (Baskets, S01E06)
  • "I don't know if your CD will appeal to her. She's more of an Aquafina lady." (Baskets, S01E06)
  • "Everyone, we have gotten invited to have pre-show hot dogs with the Chemical Brothers." (Baskets, S01E06)
  • Louie Anderson as a woman lying on a bed eating whipped cream with a spatula (Baskets, S01E06)
  • Colombia's national sport: tejo (The Amazing Race, S28E03)
  • ♫: FIDLAR! (Love, S01E06)
  • Gus' closing title song jam sessions are excruciating (Love, S01E08)
  • "I'm a witch. This is witch sex." (Love, S01E08)
  • Love Season Grade: D+

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Thrashbird

Donald Trump receiving sports jerseys with his name on them.

Donald Trump pardoning a turkey.

Donald Trump reading to children.

Donald Trump watching tributes to dancers and opera singers at the Kennedy Center Honors.

Donald Trump filling out a bracket for the NCAA women's basketball tournament.

Donald Trump's library.

Bernie Sanders' library.

Bernie Sanders filling out a bracket for the NCAA women's basketball tournament.

Bernie Sanders watching tributes to dancers and opera singers at the Kennedy Center Honors.

Bernie Sanders reading to children.

Bernie Sanders pardoning a turkey.

Bernie Sanders receiving sports jerseys with his name on them.

Shut the fuck up and enjoy the greatness

"You're going to leave me all alone here with less-angry Rosie O'Donnell?"
Wade Wilson compares Angel Dust (former MMA fighter Gina Carano) to the two-time View cohost, but O'Donnell almost missed out on the dishonorable mention. Fifteen other names were considered, including Kevin Sorbo, Chyna, Jose Canseco, "Louise Ferrigno," Busta Rhymes, and Criss Angel.

Jon: The other names aren't much better, but…
Jon: "You're going to leave me all alone here with Busta Rhymes? [to Angel Dust] Put your hands where my eyes can see."
Jon: Eh?

Rory: "You're going to leave me all alone here with Busta Rhymes? [Francis walks away] [to Francis] This, is, serious! She can make you delirious!"

"All night long during the shoot, we were running in and whispering names in Ryan's ear." It was nonstop fun for everyone — except the person on the brunt of the joke. "God bless Gina Carano for being such a good sport. Gina took Chyna especially hard." [source]

Jon: To be fair, Chyna won a championship in her field.


Jon: We got an ultra-hard peen / We splooging ultra-light cream / This is a wet dream / This is a wet dream / This is a natural thing…
Rory: [pause]
Jon: BEAUTIFUL MORNING / Stains of cum on my new duvet…

Jon: Call me "Kal-El Yankovic."


Jon: POTUSserie – an American president-themed rotisserie.
Rory: Okay…
Jon: The Washington: classic rotisserie chicken.
Jon: The Lincoln: rotisserie free-range Silkie chicken.
Jon: The Obama: charcoil-broiled rotisserie chicken.
Jon: The W. Bush… What's the word for 'small chicken'? Poussin! Rotisserie poussin.
Jon: The W. Bush could also be The Quincy Adams.
Jon: The Clinton… Hmm…
Jon: The Clinton: rotisserie chicken cigars?
Jon: No, The Clinton: a rotisserie chicken wrap with a blue corn tortilla and ranch dipping sauce.
Rory: The Jefferson: two pieces – one white, one dark.
Jon: Heh.
Jon: The Taft: stuffed rotisserie turkey.
Jon: The Roosevelt (Teddy): a rotisserie turkey leg.
Jon: The FDR: slow-cooked "rotisserie" chicken.
Rory: The JFK: a chicken served with its head on – dangling.
Jon: The Nixon: plant-based rotisserie "chicken."
Rory: The Reagan: cold fried chicken.


Jon: "Woo-hah! Got you all-in!" – Busta Rhymes playing poker.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

8. Ground'd (American Crime, S02E07)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "What are you raising the money for?"
    "That's TBD. Either to help end hunger or repave the faculty parking lot."
    "Those are the big two."
    "Yeah, Sophie's choice. Sophie Martinson is the treasurer of the student council." (Bob's Burgers, S06E07)
  • "Wait, wait, wait. Don't hang up! I'm dying!" (Bob's Burgers, S06E07)
  • That wasn't a dream sequence? (The Walking Dead, S06E09)
  • "You killed Cancer Puppy." (The Magicians, S01E05)
  • The painting in Saul's office is street art in India (Better Call Saul, S02E01)


"Oh my God. Louis did it. He's raising his own veal." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E13)


(Fresh Off the Boat, S02E13)

  • "B-?!"
    "That's a Chinese F." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E13)
  • Tim Heidecker (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E13)
  • "I can't believe www.phillipgoldsteinhasbadopinions.com wasn't taken." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E13)
  • Andre Braugher's pronunciation of "rubber bands" / Holt beaming as he cuddles a bag of rubber bands (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "I know a real 'cool' when I hear one." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "Sweet wieners?"
    "It's a normal hot dog with a little chocolate sauce." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "I'm going undercover as Tex Dallas, billionaire oil man from Dallas, Texas with ties to the cowboy mafia."
    "Oh boy."
    "Hitchcock's my middleman, Reno Vegas, mobster from Reno, Las Vegas."
    "I said my 'oh boy' too soon." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "John played oboe for Lynne Cheney." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "That was a nightmare. I ate a Caesar salad wrap." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "Classical musicians are savages." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E16)
  • "I'm not black. I'm O.J.!" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E03)
  • Uncensored "motherfucker" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E03)
  • "Call the police! But before they come, you make sure they know a black man owns this house!" (Black-ish, S02E15)
  • "Suicide is not the answer usually." (Baskets, S01E05)
  • "Oo La La! Bar & Grill." (Baskets, S01E05)
  • "Nathaniel had accidentally fallen off that bridge while admiring the river." (Baskets, S01E05)
  • "Can I ask you a really important question?"
    "Sure."
    "Can I use your phone? There's someone else I'd rather talk to." (Baskets, S01E05)
  • GABRIEL IGLESIAS VS. RANDY COUTURE (Lip Sync Battle, S02E07)
  • Mr. Rosso and Mr. Kowchevski are flatmates (Love, S01E01)
  • "These Blu-rays have, like, exclusive, special features, ya bitch!" (Love, S01E02)
  • "Fuck you, Pleasantville!" (Love, S01E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek