Kid Cudi – "Young Lady (feat. Father John Misty).

Father John Misty?

Oh. The song just samples "Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings."

Oof. "Lost in the World" it ain't.

List Idea: The 100 Oddest Samples in Music History. An impossible task, probably, even if you disqualify mixtapes.

Off the top of my head:

• Three Loco – "We Are Farmers" (samples the Farmers Insurance jingle)
• Kyle Lucas – "Jonny Quest Thinks I'ma Sellout" (samples Less Than Jake)
• Soul Coughing – "$300" (samples a Chris Rock joke)

List Idea: The 100 Best Film Dialogue Samples in Music History.

Off the top of my head:

• Watch the Throne – "Niggas in Paris" (samples Blades of Glory)
• Maybeshewill – "Not for Want of Trying" (samples Network)
• MF Doom – "Bing Bong Bing" (samples Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan)
• The Ataris – "Fast Times at Dropout High" (samples Good Will Hunting)
• Fun Lovin' Criminals – "Scooby Snacks" (samples Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs)
• 2 Live Crew – "Me So Horny" (samples Full Metal Jacket)

Iwrestledabearonce sampled Scary Movie 2?

List Idea: The 100 Oddest Film Dialogue Samples in Music History.

SEQUELS NO ONE DEMANDED
Iron Man 3
Star Trek Into Darkness
Fast and Furious 6
The Hangover: Part III
Before Midnight
Monsters University
Despicable Me 2
Grown Ups 2
Red 2
The Wolverine
The Smurfs 2
300: Rise of an Empire
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
Planes
Kick-Ass 2

ADAPTATIONS NO ONE ASKED FOR
The Great Gatsby
Much Ado About Nothing
Man of Steel
World War Z
The Lone Ranger
R.I.P.D.
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

VANITY PROJECTS
The East
After Earth
The Internship
This Is the End

• The Movie Posters of Tom Cruise – Sorted By Head Size

I saw Lil Bub and Friendz on Saturday.

In one scene, at a Nyan Cat pop-up shop, Scumbag Steve shows up, and you learn that Nyan Cat and Scumbag Steve share a manager, whose clients also include Keyboard Cat, Success Kid, and Gingers Have Souls.

A meme manager? I want to see that documentary film.

"What do you do for a living?"
"Oh, I manage Internet memes."

It's a full-time gig, and he's been at it for over [three] years. He's also an A&R for Rebecca Black. [source]

I wonder if Peter Pan is resentful at all.

• Are Animated Gifs a Type of Cinema?

[pause]

The Haunting, The Possession, The Conjuring, The Apparition – I can't differentiate these single-noun-titled ghost story films.

Rory: Hardest Jeopardy! category ever.

"'Supernatural investigators come to the aid of an exorcism-needing family.' Jon."
"What is…uhhh…"

'The Haunting, The Possession, The Conjuring, The Apparition' is a game in itself.

"From the producer of The Grudge – The Haunting, The Possession, The Conjuring, or The Apparition?"

"What would you say is the current holy grail of pop culture? A Mother 3 release outside of Japan? Mother 4?"

"Well, for video games, Half-Life 2: Episode Three. For all of pop culture? Hmm… A Dream of Spring? No, a Smiths reunion!"

"A Star Wars vs. Batman film."

"What? How would that work?"

"A time-and-space warp plus Spaceballs. Not long ago in our galaxy, the Galactic Empire invades Earth for its resources."

"Eh?"

"Warner Bros. owns Batman, and Disney owns Star Wars, and their properties have united before, in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?."

Television Show Idea: What if the demons in your closet were actual creatures in your closet? Picture a mix of Herman's Head, Pokémon, and The Incredible Hulk.

Action Sequence Idea: Escape from a moving subway train inside a flooding underwater tunnel.

Idea: Earplug-sized and -shaped tampons for nosebleeds – like absorbent Invisalign.

• When Musical Collaborations Go Very Very Bad

$26.99

When I learned of the Boston Marathon bombing, I immediately thought of the opening of Die Hard with a Vengeance.

Then I imagined myself shooting the culprit á la Jack Ruby, blowing police away telekinetically as they're about to apprehend me, and revealing myself to be God.

And then I thought, Film Idea: A retired badass pulled back into action, only the retired badass is a disgruntled Jesus Christ.

"I was crucified for these shitheads?"

Jesus begrudgingly returns to Earth, dies while saving it, and then life goes on as before. Christians have their beliefs both affirmed and repudiated.

The Dirties follows two high school cinephiles as they make a movie about killing all the bullies who harass them.

It was shot without a script in a documentary style with two cameras constantly filming. Many background characters were participants unaware that a film was being made, who therefore act quite naturally.

It won the Grand Jury Prize for "Best Narrative Feature" at Slamdance this year, and will next screen on Wednesday in Royal Oak, MI, and on April 27 at the Independent Film Festival Boston.

Also screening at IFF Boston, this short:

• Watch This: An MMA Show From Russia Paves The Way For Running Man TV Show

At the gym, when a treadmill asks me for my age, it feels odd entering "3-0."

Physically, I feel 30 — I use a standing desk, and for some reason, my hands go numb when I shower nowadays — but otherwise, it's like I'm pretending to be 30.

I work in Manhattan, but sleep every night on a couch in someone's living room.

At bars, I humour people with alcoholic beverages, but would rather be drinking pop or fruit juice.

I get by. I'm generally content. And yet, I feel like I'm doing it — life — wrong. I'm not building anything. I'm just…stumbling through.

I'm probably fucked in the future, but, as I'm not sure what the point of life is, if I die tragically, so be it. [shrugs]

"Here lies Jon Yu. He was alive at one time."

Previously on Adam Riff™:

2005

2009

2013

Never change, Japan.

How are cage-free eggs better? Just because a hen isn't caged doesn't mean that it isn't being fed the same shit as a caged hen, or managed similarly. And an uncaged hen still exists to serve humans – it's still our slave. Buying cage-free eggs is like paying a hooker instead of raping one.

"Oh you only buy cage-free eggs? Well, I'm not racist because I have a black friend."

• Weird Twitter: The Oral History

Dear busker who is setting up shop below my windows:

I appreciate that you switched from an electric guitar to an acoustic one, but can you please learn some more songs? Your seeming loop of "Someday" by The Strokes is excruciating.

Also, if you need money, why don't you pawn your guitars?

• OTHER SONGS BY BRAD PAISLEY AND LL COOL J
• Dumb Shining Moment: Your 2013 NCAA Tournament Lowlight Reel
• The Agony of Defeat: March Madness 2013 Collection

I had to fly all the way to Detroit to get kidnapped. Extreme Kidnapping is a company operated by Adam Thick, an entrepreneur and convicted counterfeiter from Oakland County, Michigan. Thick founded Extreme Kidnapping in 2002 after being inspired by the old David Fincher movie The Game. For $500, Adam and his crew will abduct you at gunpoint and hold you hostage for four hours. A thousand bucks gets you ten hours, along with a bit of customized sadism.

I was offered a torture menu, from which I made my selections with little rhyme or reason.

Waterboarding? Stress positions? Stun gun? Fire?
I've never been waterboarded, but it sounds horrible. I guess we could maybe explore it. I dunno about a stun gun. Probably not.

Beaten with a trout? Battered with a summer sausage? I'm not kidding.
Oh sure. Can I eat the summer sausage when you're done?

Piranha?
HOLY SHIT.

• What It's Like to Be Kidnapped
  Pure Michigan.

Reality Show Idea: Extreme Fun – kidnapping, tank driving adventure…

Reality Show Idea: Party Down – 10 fraternities/sororities at one university compete to see who throws the best parties. Each week, a different party challenge.

The Great North Korean Picture Show
For the first time, foreign cameras are allowed into the world's most secretive state's only film school. Filmmakers James Leong and Lynn Lee follow two young actors and a director, handpicked by the regime to become stars, as they hone their craft.

Hot Docs in Toronto will host its North American Premiere in May.

Idea A documentary series exploring combinations of race.

For example, a white + yellow episode might feature:

1. A half-white, half-Asian person
2. Asian people adopted by white families and raised in the American midwest and Scandinavia
3. An Asian male dating a white girl
4. A white person born and raised in Asia

Previously on Adam Riff™:

• We gotta eat this city, eat this city
• Eater's Digest: September/October

Alright, I have notes dating back to December that I need to unload.

But first: gold stars!

Chocolate Babka (Breads Bakery)

Chocolate Yumball (Three Tarts)
almond and chocolate cake mixed with dulce de leche and amaretto, then rolled in dark chocolate and chopped nuts

Dark Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookie (Levain Bakery)

Doug's Pecan Pie Sundae (Buttermilk Channel)

Jambalaya (Juniper)

Lamb Dumplings (Xi'an Famous Foods)

Rainbow Cookie Cupcake (Brooklyn Cupcake)

Turkey Mac (S'MAC)
juicy turkey, macaroni, and swiss cheese topped with herbed stuffing and served with a side of homemade gravy and cranberry jelly

Peanut Butter BBQ Ribs (Hudson Common)
boneless riblets, peanut butter texas toast, salt and vinegar potato chips

Bloody Mary Bacon Thrice-Cooked Fries (Hudson Common)
pickled okra, jalapeno, cheese curds, fried egg

French Toast Grilled Cheese (Hudson Common)
seven cheese blend, maple drizzle

Disappointing curiosities. The ribs were an open-faced McRib, and the fries were poutine sans gravy – an astringent poutine.

Brats and Beer Mac (Elbow Room)
esposito's sausage, bronx brewery ale, and caramelized onion

I wanted to try their Poutine Mac (short rib gravy, yukon french fries, and fresh cheese curds), but it wasn't available, so…Brats and Beer.

S'MAC's macs are better, in my opinion.

Deli Ramen (Dassara)
chicken broth served with diced celery, matzo balls, and mile end smoked meat

A niggardly bowl of ramen. I received like three slivers of Mile End's delicious smoked meat and [cough] insufficient noodles.

Tim Tam Tiramisu (The Thirsty Koala)

Instead of ladyfingers, this tiramisu uses Tim Tams, "Australia's favourite cookie."

Too much of my "Triple T" was cream for my liking, like 66%. To quote Oreo's Super Bowl ad: "The cookie's the best part."

I also would not have layered in caramel Tim Tams. Chewy tiramisu?

Soda Bread Cupcake (Robicelli's)
soda bread cake, clotted cream buttercream, drambuie-soaked golden raisins

Car Bomb Cupcake (Robicelli's)
chocolate guinness stout cake, jameson whiskey ganache, bailey's buttercream

Irish Coffee Cupcake (Robicelli's)
bailey's espresso cake and buttercream, crushed chocolate espresso beans

Brooklyn Brown Ale Cupcake (Robicelli's)
brooklyn brewery brown ale cake, ale and toffee buttercream, crushed chocolate espresso beans

A St. Patrick's Day-themed cupcake quartet. Alas, they didn't taste like anything. Flavours were muddled.

Rye Brownie Sundae (Runner and Stone)
rye whiskey ice cream, caramel sauce, caraway walnut sablage

Irish Whiskey Cake (Black Hound New York)
chocolate cake, irish whiskey buttercream, a hint of ground hazelnuts, bittersweet chocolate ganache, and almond marzipan shamrock

[Irish Whisky + Chocolate + Mint] Pie (Four and Twenty Blackbirds)

New York City pastry chefs do NOT skimp on whiskey.

The Beer Muncheez (Ample Hills Creamery)
sweet cream ice cream with apple lambic beer and cheddar cheese munchies [pretzels, chips, and puffs]

Its description did not compute in my head, but then I tasted it and realized, "Apples and cheddar. Of course." The apple beer ice cream was pleasantly refreshing.

Spam Fries (Maharlika)
beer-battered fresh-from-the-can spam, banana ketchup

I had to psych myself up to eat them, but ate them all. Just don't think about what you're eating.

Filipino Pride Chicken 'N' Ube Waffle (Maharlika)
flourless filipino-style fried chicken, ube purple yam waffle with anchovy bagoong butter and carmelized macapuno syrup

A more faithful variation than (Sweet Chick)'s General Tso's Chicken and Waffles, with waffles made of rice and broccoli.

• East Bay Express on the bacon-wrapped economy of Silicon Valley

Previously on Adam Riff™:
By my count, [Dick] Vitale clasps his hands 59 times. It's like he's playing a light gun shooter where you clasp your hands to reload. What a strange default position.

Exhibit B:

I cropped the original video and stripped its audio so you can focus on his bizarre boomerang hands.

Idea: A series of vignettes imagining the events behind Yahoo! Answers questions. Or a podcast – How Did This Get Asked?

Sooooo a Chicago-style pan pizza?

• Detroit-style pizza gaining fame, winning fans nationwide