Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

3. What About Men? (Portlandia, S07E02)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "'Taking your own life.' Interesting expression. Taking it from who? Once it's over, it's not you who'll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else. Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it." (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "Who's this one? Is this a new person? I'm against new people." (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "Stress can ruin every day of your life; dying can only ruin one." (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "I'm that predictable?"
    "No. I'm just a cock." (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "Oh, the posh boy loves the dominatrix. He's never knowingly under-clichéd, is he?" (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "Is there nights of passion in High Wycombe?" (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "Just text her back."
    "Because High Wycombe is better than you are currently equipped to understand." (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "I'm so glad we finally found a use for your grandmother's dollhouse furniture collection "
    "Yeah, me too. I wish she was here to see it, but she's in Tampa, in her grave." (Son of Zorn, S01E10)
  • Terrell Owens – huh (Son of Zorn, S01E10)
  • "Here's my belly button's review of the movie Gone Girl." (Son of Zorn, S01E10)
  • "How am I supposed to learn about life when you won't let me watch The Good Wife?" (Bob's Burgers, S07E08)
  • "People who do not know me soon come to understand that I do not have any sense. Now please do not misunderstand the situation. You send me 12 men, I will return you 12 sets of testicles in a bag, and we can watch your little whores devour them together, before I chop off your trotters, and boil them." (Taboo, S01E01)
  • Jonathan Pryce's use of the F word (Taboo, S01E01)
  • Minnie Driver's discussing her colourful English family (Speechless, S01E12)
  • "What is dressage, after all, but…dancing for horses?" (Speechless, S01E12)
  • "The American white woman is as fickle as a Pinot noir." (Black-ish, S03E12)
  • "White women aren't sisters. We hate each other." (Black-ish, S03E12)
  • "Oh, I'm racist?! I'm a racist?!"
    "Please don't say it…"
    "I have black friends!" (Black-ish, S03E12)
  • "AIDS! AIDS! I got AIDS! I got AIDS! We're coming through."
    "I'm his doctor. My patient's gotta get to the front of the line because he has AIDS."
    "I got the AIDS."
    "He got it from a gay guy in the '80s."
    "I'm not gay… I mean… There's two kinds of AIDS. There's the vagina AIDS, then the needle-based AIDS. I'm a vagina guy."
    "Well, no, actually my test results show that it was the gay AIDS."
    "All AIDS are bad! That's… No good AIDS! But I'm telling you, like I said, this is not the gay AIDS." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E02)
  • "What are you guys doing? You guys doing an AIDS thing?"
    "Oh, yeah. Yeah. I gave Frank a couple hickeys to sell the lesions."
    "Sucked on 'em."
    "Yeah, yeah. You doing a fake daughter thing?"
    "Cool." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E02)
  • "Your daughter is a special kid, a gifted child who should be treasured. If she were born in China, she'd… Wait, I already did that. Didn't work. If she were born in… What country treasures their women?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E02)
  • "There's AIDS blood in the pool!"
    "There's goddamn AIDS blood?!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E02)
  • "I'm-a need a little help shaving my butthole."
    "Absolutely not."
    "Shave my butthole, Ders."
    "No. If anything, I'm gonna shave my butthole, and I'm gonna eat chowder so that I can have an explosive O."
    "I have got a thick, thick mane down there, and my family will be embarrassed by my porno if I don't have a slick butthole. Please. You're a swimmer. I know you shave other men's buttholes often."
    "Fine. I'm only doing this because I'm good at it, okay? You trim my chowder, I'll shave your hole."
    "Right side's done. Go ahead and give it a feel. I put it at a two. I can take it down to a one. It's gonna be prickly, though." (Workaholics, S07E01)
  • "I wasn't a failed DJ; I was pre-successful." (The Good Place, S01E11)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta


The People vs. D.J. Cohen

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Completing our triptych is Sum of Sixteen, Ben's 2016 master cleanse.

  1. Sum of Sixteen DJ Benny C

As it is a single track, here is a road map:

Miike Snow – "Genghis Khan"
AlunaGeorge – "Not Above Love"
The Knocks – "Kiss the Sky (feat. Wyclef Jean)"
Kanye West – "Fade"
The Weeknd – "Starboy (feat. Daft Punk)"
Luke Million – "Stranger Things Theme"
Galantis – "No Money (Joe Maz Remix)"
Joey Purp – "Girls @ (feat. Chance The Rapper)"
DJ Snake – "Middle (feat. Bipolar Sunshine)"
Capital Cities – "Vowels"
DJ Mustard – "Whole Lotta Lovin' (feat Travis Scott)"
Rihanna – "Love on the Brain (Gigamesh Remix)"
The 1975 – "The Sound"
Tinie Tempah – "Bounce"
Alicia Keys – "In Common (Kaskade Remix)"
Beyoncé – "Formation"
Years & Years – "Desire (feat. Tove Lo)"
Twenty One Pilots – "Ride"
Drake & Future – "Jumpman (Whiiite Remix)"
Chance the Rapper – "No Problem (feat. Lil Wayne & 2 Chainz)"
Francis and the Lights – "Friends (feat. Bon Iver)"
D.R.A.M. – "Broccoli (feat. Lil Yachty)"
Kevin Gates – "2 Phones (Jayceeoh × Styles & Complete Remix)"
Future – "Xanny Family"
Kwesta – "Ngud' (feat. Cassper Nyovest)"
A Tribe Called Quest – "We the People…."
YG – "FDT (feat. Nipsey Hussle)"
Rihanna – "Work (feat. Drake) [Lost Kings Remix]"
Fetty Wap – "679 (feat. Monty) [Danny Diggz Remix]"
AlunaGeorge – "I'm in Control (feat. Popcaan)"
Charly Black – "Gyal You a Party Animal"
Yellow Claw – "Invitation (feat. Yade Lauren)"
ZHU – "Generationwhy"
Kanye West – "Ultralight Beam"
MAC MILLER – "Dang! (feat. Anderson .Paak)"
Marshmello – "Ritual (feat. Wrabel)"
Dillon Francis – "Anywhere (feat. Will Heard)"
Cashmere Cat – "Trust Nobody (feat. Selena Gomez & Tory Lanez)"
Chelsea Lankes – "Bullet"
Tove Lo – "Cool Girl (Denis First Remix)"
Calvin Harris – "This Is What You Came For (feat. Rihanna) [JM Castillo Remix]"
A-Trak – "Parallel Lines (feat. Phantogram)"
A$AP Ferg – "Strive (feat. Missy Elliott)"
Lil Uzi Vert – "You Was Right"
Rae Sremmurd – "Black Beatles (feat. Gucci Mane) [Aazar Remix]"
blink-182 – "Bored to Death"
G.L.O.S.S. – "Give Violence a Chance"

alternate download link

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Our favourite songs. One per year.

Time to update it.

Side A (curated by Jon)
1. Radiohead – "The National Anthem" [2000]
2. Finch – "What It Is to Burn (Demo)" [2001]
3. Spoon – "Stay Don't Go" [2002]
4. The Mars Volta – "Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt"
5. Ratatat – "Seventeen Years"
6. The Mountain Goats – "This Year"
7. DragonForce – "Through the Fire and Flames"
8. Frank Turner – "The Real Damage"
9. The Wonder Years – "You're Not Salinger. Get Over It."
10. So Many Dynamos – "New Bones"
11. Jamie Lidell – "Your Sweet Boom"
12. M83 – "Midnight City"
13. Jai Paul – "Jasmine (Demo)"
14. CHVRCHES – "The Mother We Share"
15. CFO$ – "Worlds Apart" [2014]
16. Oneohtrix Point Never – "No Good" [2015]
17. Kanye West – "Ultralight Beam" [2016]

Jon: What is left to say? "Ultralight Beam" is a majestic pop unicorn, teeming with soul, my most desired quality in music nowadays.

Side B (curated by Ben)
1. Outkast – "B.O.B." [2000]
2. Gob – "I Hear You Calling" [2001]
3. Justin Timberlake – "Cry Me a River" [2002]
4. The White Stripes – "Seven Nation Army"
5. Franz Ferdinand – "Take Me Out"
6. R. Kelly – "Trapped in the Closet"
7. TV on the Radio – "Wolf Like Me"
8. UGK – "Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You) [feat. Outkast]"
9. MGMT – "Time to Pretend"
10. Passion Pit – "The Reeling"
11. LCD Soundsystem – "Dance Yrself Clean"
12. M83 – "Midnight City"
13. Bruno Mars – "Locked Out of Heaven"
14. Daft Punk – "Get Lucky (feat. Pharrell Williams)"
15. Duke Dumont – "I Got You (feat. Jax Jones)" [2014]
16. Major Lazer × DJ Snake – "Lean On (feat. MØ)" [2015]
17. G.L.O.S.S. – "Give Violence a Chance" [2016]


In late September, I stumbled upon G.L.O.S.S. (Girls Living Outside Society's Shit), a queer hardcore punk band from Olympia. The band has a number of LGBTQ members in it, including a trans woman lead singer. They have released a demo and an EP, Trans Day of Revenge.

The first time I heard "Give Violence a Chance," chills went down my spine. It activated the part of my lizard brain that made me like the Dead Kennedys. It is unapologetically violent, political, and angry, but also really fucking good music. G.L.O.S.S. broke up after TDoR, but I'm holding out hope that, with this radically different political environment, they'll find a way to make new music.

Awesome 2:16

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I am chuffed to present My Super Sweet '16, a gallimaufry of audio things 2016.

My original album art idea for My Super Sweet '16 was a play on this still from Sixteen Candles:

with Hillary Clinton as Molly Ringwald and Bernie Sanders as Jake Ryan, possibly accompanied by a play on this still from Sixteen Candles:

with Donald Trump as Long Duk Dong – Long Duk Donald.

That idea led to an ambitious idea to mash up Stranger Things and John Hughes films:

And that idea led to what would become the album art for The Upside Sound, Adam Robot and White Jon's counterpoint to my 2016 mix:


No Apple Music playlist because Adam Robot "doesn't have iTunes."

alternate download link

The Vinyl Deletion

Previously on Adam Riff™:
The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2016

And now, the talent portion of Adam Riff™'s 2016 retrospective festivities.

I am chuffed to present My Super Sweet '16, a gallimaufry of audio things 2016:

At 1:56:12, it is the longest mix I have ever produced.

I wanted to feature music of the youth – 21 Savage, D.R.A.M., Lil Uzi Vert, Lil Yachty, YG, Young Thug, Travis Scott, et al. – but then I listened to it and [ehhh] didn't love it.

  1. White Friends "Fresh Off the Boat"
  2. Come Down Anderson .Paak
  3. Never Be Like You (feat. Kai) Flume
  4. Carol Simples "Lady Dynamite"
  5. Sleep in the Heat PUP
  6. We (feat. CeeLo Green) MAC MILLER
  7. I Know All What I Do Jack Garratt
  8. Two Turnips in Heat "Trailer Park Boys"
  9. Another Time NxWorries
  10. Your Best American Girl Mitski
  11. Mia & Sebastian's Theme [from "La La Land"] Justin Hurwitz
  12. Jonah Ryan "Veep"
  13. Ultralight Beam Kanye West
  14. Settle the Scar The Hotelier
  15. Mercy Shawn Mendes
  16. Annihilation "Mr. Robot"
  17. A.H.B. S U R V I V E
  18. No Witnesses Keaton Henson
  19. Dapper (feat. Anderson .Paak) Domo Genesis
  20. Weight in Gold Gallant
  21. Things in My Jeep (feat. Nas) "Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping"
  22. Lose It SWMRS
  23. Devil Is Fine Zeal and Ardor
  24. A Better Way [from "Swiss Army Man"] Andy Hull and Robert McDowell
  25. Nazi Punks, Fuck Off [from "Green Room"] The Ain't Rights
  26. CCH Pounder "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
  27. I Feel It Coming (feat. Daft Punk) The Weeknd
  28. 4r Da Squaw Isaiah Rashad
  29. Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales Car Seat Headrest
  30. Harrison Booth "Atlanta"
  31. Empty Kevin Abstract
  32. GLOWED UP (feat. Anderson .Paak) KAYTRANADA
  33. St. Paul's (Westerberg Comprehensive) Martha
  34. George Michael "Keanu"
  35. Angels (feat. Saba) Chance the Rapper
  36. Hard Style Diarrhea Planet
  37. Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant) Bo Burnham
  38. Yesterday Noname

No Spotify or Apple Music playlist because a fourth of this mix is unavailable elsewhere.

alternate download link

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

2. Quantum Leap (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "God is a ludicrous fiction, dreamt up by inadequates who abdicate all responsibility to an invisible magic friend." (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • "I delete any text that begins 'hi.'" (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • Watson's crying (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • "I can handle my 'Quil." (The Mick, S01E01)
  • "Humor trumps violence." (The Mick, S01E01)
  • "Well, clearly, you didn't do it right. Did you remember to laugh at his tiny penis? That part's pretty important." (The Mick, S01E01)

(WWE Raw, 01-02-17)

  • How many times can Marshawn Lynch pronounce a Spanish double L? (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Oh, it was better than fine. It was Laos." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "What are you miming there, sir?"
    "A child tying his tie. I'm trying to do a simple half-Windsor so she knows I'm a baby." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Sussudio demands vinyl." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Remember how furious you got that time your sister ended an e-mail with 'thx' instead of 'thanks'?"
    "Why would you bring that up?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Ugh. Terry hates hospitals. They reek of death."
    [elderly woman clears throat]
    "Oh, not you, ma'am. You reek of life." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Oh. It's just my former lover. Hello, sister." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Only men have secret families." (New Girl, S06E11)
  • "If I don't have my taste, then what's real? Are cargo shorts gorgeous? Was I wrong about rubber awareness bracelets? Should I grow a goatee?" (New Girl, S06E11)
  • "I like the colonel very much. When I was a little girl, he came to my village in Guatemala and built the hospital, and then he brought me and my mother back to the States."
    "And you've been trapped here ever since? Ugh. You're like a veal." (The Mick, S01E02)
  • "Very cool that we both have rash stories." (The Mick, S01E02)
  • "Pam said that kids looking at online porn is an epidemic."
    "Like Cross Colours?" (Black-ish, S03E11)
  • "Someone's tweeting as my butt, Dre." (Black-ish, S03E11)
  • "It's Old Black Man's night to pick the movie." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E01)
  • "Oh, right, that's the lesson we have to learn – that black people will ruin your credit." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E01)
  • "I'm gonna say the N woooorrrrd!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S21E01)
  • "We're church blacks!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E01)
  • "What are the rules?"
    "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't, don't…"
    "I'm sick of that one." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E01)
  • ♫: Caveman – "Never Going Back" (Man Seeking Woman, S03E01)
  • "What's this show called again?"
    "It's Deirdre and Margaret. It ran for 16 years on the BBC. They did nearly 30 episodes." (The Good Place, S01E10)
  • ♫: *NSYNC – "Digital Get Down" (The Good Place, S01E10)
  • Run the Jewels (Portlandia, S07E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta


Eater's Digest: 31 Flavours

Man, I consume a lot of ice cream.


Tico Time Ice Cream (Ice and Vice)
pink guava, chili lime plantain chips
—Guava and plantain chips – who knew?

Splinters Ice Cream (Ice and Vice)
smoked whiskey barrel wood ice cream, cracker jack brittle
—A 21+ flavour. I had to show identification to order it, despite not tasting any alcohol. The house-made Cracker Jack brittle is [Italian chef kiss].

(Ice and Vice)'s winter 2016-17 series is…something. From best to worst:

Thai-Phoon Sorbet (Ice and Vice)
thai tea, mango, sumac jaggery
—Tea is an underappreciated ice cream flavour.

On the Rocks Ice Cream (Ice and Vice)
persian black lime, cola, cherry pop rocks
—Pop rocks and Coke with lime.

Photo Bomb Ice Cream (Ice and Vice)
chlorophyll, citron marmalade
Chlorophyll ice cream? Chlorophyll ice cream.

Colt .45 Ice Cream (Ice and Vice)
toasted barley, chicory root, spiced molé
—Yecchh! One of the least palatable ice creams I have ever tried.

Mexican Neapolitan Paleta (La Newyorkina)
—Oaxacan chocolate, Mexican vanilla, and local strawberry.

(La Newyorkina) specialises in artisanal paletas.

Chamoy-Filled Mango Paleta (La Newyorkina)
—Like a chamoyada on a stick.

The Red Hook Paleta (La Newyorkina)
—Stumptown coffee ice cream with chunks of chocolate chip cookie dough. Scrumptious.

(Superiority Burger) pairs an ever-changing gelato with an ever-changing sorbet as a dessert item.

Milk Toast Gelato / Yellow Peach Sorbet (Superiority Burger)
—The pairing when I visited. Peaches and cream and bread.

Chocolate Chip Passion Fruit Soft Serve (Milk Bar)

Cranberry Limeade Soft Serve (Milk Bar)

I don't love Milk Bar, but its soft serve is on point.


They Scoop Gilmores, Don't They? Ice Cream (Ample Hills Creamery)
coffee chocolate pudding ice cream, snickerdoodles topped with pink sprinkles
—A Gilmore Girls-inspired flavour. I could not detect any snickerdoodles in my scoop.

Cranberry Gin Fizz Sorbet (Ample Hills Creamery)
cranberry purée, lime, gin

Ants on a Log Sorbet (OddFellows Ice Cream Co.)
Celery sorbet with peanut butter and raisins. Nope!

Miso Cherry Ice Cream (OddFellows Ice Cream Co.)
Saffron Passion Fruit Ice Cream (OddFellows Ice Cream Co.)
—Selections from an Asia-inspired series.


Bone Marrow Ice Cream with Bourbon Smoked Cherries (Salt and Straw)
—Didn't taste like anything.

Peanut Butter Ritz Apple Pie Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
—All I tasted was peanut butter.

Raspberry Nutella Ice Cream (Gresescent)
—Disappointingly anemic on both fronts.

Lemon Bar Ice Cream (Gresescent)
lemon-infused ice cream, freshly-baked lemon bar cookie bits
—The best lemon ice cream I have ever tried.

Blackberry Mint Mojito Ice Cream (Gresescent)


Ham Solo Ice Cream (Little Giant Ice Cream)
Honey-baked ham ice cream. It tasted just like honey-baked ham.

Green Bean Casserole Ice Cream (Little Giant Ice Cream)
fresh green beans, sautéed button mushroom base, french fried onion inclusion

Asparagus Ice Cream (Little Giant Ice Cream)

Mango Mezcal Sorbet (Little Giant Ice Cream)

Hard Apple Cider Sorbet (Little Giant Ice Cream)
—Delectably refreshing, if barely hard.

Buttermilk Cranberry Swirl Ice Cream (Little Giant Ice Cream)
—Too much buttermilk ice cream, not enough cranberry jam.

Ugly Sweater Ice Cream (Little Giant Ice Cream)
jameson whiskey ice cream, pineapple compote, cranberry sauce, holiday m&ms
—Waaaay too much Jameson in its Jameson base. The taste of whiskey overwhelmed everything else.


PB&J Ice Cream Pie (Tartine Manufactory)
fior di latte, concord grape sorbet, grape pâte de fruit, candied peanuts, peanut cookie crust
—Deceptively hefty. It needed more grape pâte de fruit or some peanut butter to break up its shit ton of grape cream soft serve filling.

Thank You for Being a Friend Ice Cream (Humphry Slocombe)
dark chocolate cheesecake ice cream, amarena cherries, house-made graham crackers
—A Golden Girls-inspired flavour.


Lon Kruger and I liked it

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Q: Rank the following 2016 film adaptations of video games by projected final domestic box office, from largest to smallest: Ratchet and Clank, Angry Birds, Warcraft, Assassin's Creed.

As of January 3, 2017:

$$$$ The Angry Birds Movie $107,509,366
$$$ Warcraft $47,225,655
$$ Assassin's Creed $43,883,438
$ Ratchet and Clank $8,821,329

[pops champagne]


No (no) sleep (sleep) 'til Busan.

How was I unaware of this film until now?

You know, Moonlight is about two dudes too…

Plot Summary
Seung-woo through his friend Jae-hyun becomes a "host," or a male gigolo who serves women, to make ends meet. Jae-hyun is a chronic con artist who lies and cheats women to get money. Trouble brews when Seung-woo starts dating one of his customers and Jae-hyun's scams catch up with him.

The Midnight Cowboy of Seoul.

Q: What is the hottest television programme in South Korea right now?


The Moonlight (TV series) of Seoul.

Nobody speak, nobody get choked

What's leaving America in January 2017:
Lena Dunham
Chelsea Handler
Amy Schumer

Marines are the vegans of the military.

I switched the clock on my phone to military time in October to be more cultured, and realized in December that I sometimes misread time on my phone between 14:00 and 19:59 because the 12-hour clock on my computer is set to Eastern time, and local time is Pacific. My mind is conditioned to subtract three hours from time, so, for example, I see "16:00" and think "6 – 3 = 3:00 p.m."

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

Year eight.

1. Darius Rucker performance (Top Chef, S14E05)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Chinese food? What?" (Cutthroat Kitchen, S14E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta


Looking forward:

Nirvanna the Band the Show is a celebration of popular culture, social absurdity, and friendship that blends fictional stories with real-world interactions. I have seen three episodes and am very high on it.

There will be feasting and dancing in Jerusalem next year

[browsing films]

A fictional depiction of a future wherein a globalist terrorist organization aligned with the United Nations to disable the United States' power grid and institutes Martial Law. It will take a dedicated family of patriots armed with strong survival skills and the remains of the Second Amendment to save America and reclaim its freedom. [source]

Heh. Alex Jones plays a senator.

Oh. Chuck Norris' son directed it.

There was a Honey 2?

Is that supposed to be a turkey? Who designed this? Search engines and a turkey?

Oh. It's about a Thanksgiving without mobile reception. What does that have to do with search engines, though?

A fresh and modern "coming-of-age-during-the-apocalypse" story for the post "Twilight" generation. [source]

Ah so…


"A mix between Twilight and faith that teens will really enjoy!"
Evy Baehr, Content Manager & Host of Movieguide TV

"At first I didn't think I would like it at all because normally Christian movies aren't all that awesome, but within the first few minutes I was hooked. I love the love triangle and I can't wait until the next one!"
Kennedy (15 year old girl – big fan of Hunger Games and Twilight)

Yup … these are my readers.


The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2016

Round 10:

10. Georges St-Pierre vs. Jean-Claude Van Damme (Kickboxer: Vengeance)

9. Husband Penguin vs. Homewrecker Penguin (Animal Fight Night)

8. The Final Deletion (TNA Impact Wrestling)

7. Respawn Rumble (Preacher)

6. Ash vs. Evil Intestine (Ash vs. Evil Dead)

5. 1 vs. 100 (The Bodyguard)

4. Jail Raid (Call of Heroes)

3. Knife Fight (Yip Man 3)

2. It's a Trap (The Bodyguard)

1. Donnie Yen vs. Mike Tyson (Yip Man 3)

Among Mike Tyson's upcoming films: A Chinese one with Steven Seagal, and Kickboxer: Retaliation with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

see also:

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

Previously on Adam Riff™:
1. Ash vs. Evil Dead
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
3. Celebrity Big Brother
4. Baskets
5. Man Seeking Woman
6. Saturday Night Live
7. Triumph's Election Special 2016
8. American Crime
9. WWE Raw
10. Man Seeking Woman Woman Seeking Man
11. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
12. Daredevil
13. The People vs. O.J. Simpson
14. Saturday Night Live
15. Conan in Korea
16. Brooklyn Nine-Nine
17. Bob's Burgers
18. United Shades of America
19. NBA on TNT
20. The Americans
21. Saturday Night Live
22. Game of Thrones
23. TNA Impact Wrestling
24. Preacher
25. O.J.: Made in America
26. Game of Thrones
27. Game of Thrones
28. Preacher
29. Trailer Park Boys
30. Fleabag
31. Fleabag
32. The Eric Andre Show
33. Triumph's Summer Election Special 2016
34. Catfish: The TV Show
35. The Eric Andre Show
36. The Late Late Show with James Corden
37. Atlanta
38. Quarry
39. Brad Neely's Harg Nallin' Sclopio Peepio
40. Atlanta
41. You're the Worst
42. Ash vs. Evil Dead
43. Atlanta
44. Quarry
45. Insecure
46. Planet Earth II
47. The Last Man on Earth
48. Ash vs. Evil Dead
49. Jon Glaser Loves Gear
50. Conan Without Borders: Berlin
51. TNA Impact Wrestling

52. Bilingual Reporter (Triumph's Election Watch 2016: The Home Stretch/The Finale)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • ♫: VHS Collection – "Lean" (Shameless, S07E12)
  • Shameless Season Grade: D
  • People of Earth Season Grade: D+
  • "I am clear-headed in a shirt that wicks moisture from my body." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E10)
  • "There is no death in compression shorts." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E10)
  • Relaxation hoodie (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E10)
  • "Jonathan Matthew Pit Zips Glaser." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E10)
  • Pit zip tattoo (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E10)
  • Jon Glaser Loves Gear Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

2016 AR™TV World Drama Championship Reigns
Fargo – 9 weeks
The People vs. O.J. Simpson – 12 weeks
Game of Thrones – 7 weeks
Stranger Things – 24 weeks and counting

2016 AR™TV World Comedy Championship Reigns
Nathan For You – 6 weeks
Baskets – 18 weeks
Veep – 7 weeks
The Eric Andre Show – 5 weeks
Atlanta – 16 weeks and counting


My name's Curryface and I care why you stink

The whitest show on TV.
IFC's horror-comedy Stan Against Evil has the highest concentration of white viewers of any regularly scheduled scripted series on TV, with twice as many white people watching as a typical TV show.

Other shows that dramatically overperform with whites: HBO's Togetherness, AMC's Halt and Catch Fire, and FXX's You're the Worst.

I'm chuckling because Adam Robot watched Togetherness and loves Halt and Catch Fire and You're the Worst, and he's the whitest person I know.

Rich people are all about FX's The Americans.
The typical viewer of The Americans lives in a home where the average income is just north of $80,000 per year, a larger amount than all but one basic cable drama: BBC America's London Spy.

Interestingly, among comedies, FXX's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia has the richest audience on basic cable. Sunny viewers take in a healthy $81,300 each year.

The Nielsen-defined Southwest (which oddly incorporates Texas, New Mexico, Louisiana, Oklahoma, and Arkansas) has some particularly odd passions, demonstrating massive enthusiasm for Fox's Son of Zorn.

Pittsburgh appreciates a good prank: TruTV's Impractical Jokers cracks the Comcast VOD top 10 there, and nowhere else.

South Park somehow remains cable's No. 1 half-hour with adults under 50.

1. South Park
2. Silicon Valley
3. Ballers
4. Atlanta
5. Archer
6. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
8. Vice Principals
9. Veep

More abysmal 2016 season: Archer or South Park?

Adam Robot (South Park superfan): Season 20 was South Park's worst season ever. The. Worst. There have been seasons that weren't that strong, but season 20 was BAD. I'll never care for or remember anything good from it.

Fake Love

Sadhuram 2 is "India's first philanthropical thriller."

"India's first philanthropical thriller" is an adaptation of the Saw franchise.

Sadhuram 2 is not a sequel, but the first film of a potential franchise.

What was the last film sequel to use Roman numerals in its title? The Hangover: Part III?

Film Idea: A holiday screening of Die Hard at Grauman's Chinese Theatre with Bruce Willis in attendance is disrupted by heavily-armed Germans who believe that Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. The Germans secure those inside the theatre as hostages, except for Willis, who manages to slip away.

The Best New Trader Joe's Items of 2016

5. Coffee Mochi
Thai mochi ice cream > Japanese mochi ice cream.

4. Mango Sorbet Bon Bons
A delectable seasonal curiosity.

3. Grilled Jerk Chicken Skewers with Mango Chutney
I disappointingly only found these once, but they were a meal to remember.

2. Crispy Crunchy Mochi Rice Nuggets
I eat these a bag at a time, so addictive they are.

1. Hatch Chile Mac and Cheese
Immediately added to my regular Trader Joe's rotation.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

51. Total Nonstop Deletion! – Abridged (TNA Impact Wrestling, 12-15-16)

Honourable Mention

  • Chainsaw Fight (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E10)

Stray Observations

  • Henrietta breastfeeding Ash (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E10)
  • "Brand spankin' new hand. Or, brand new spankin' hand?" (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E10)
  • Force ghosts (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E10)
  • Ash vs. Evil Dead Season Grade: C+
  • "Can't we just convert to Judaism? Scott's mom really loves it, and we wouldn't have to do squat on a Friday night ever again." (Son of Zorn, S01E09)
  • "Any scooper with tuna in it is a good scooper." (Son of Zorn, S01E09)
  • Rosita's aim (The Walking Dead, S07E08)
  • "I put a Rembrandt on mine." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E09)
  • The Roomba vacuuming Gail's note (The Last Man on Earth, S03E09)
  • Gail! (The Last Man on Earth, S03E09)
  • "I'm worth 100 Eva Maries! I am worth 1000 Eva Maries!" (WWE Raw, 12-12-16)
  • "Trust me. It's gonna be fine."
    "Really? 'Cause you said that about Die Hard 5, Jake." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E10)
  • Schmidt playing Travolta playing Shapiro (New Girl, S06E10)
  • "Christmas is just so stressful, with the lists, and the lines, and the dancing girls at TV Town Song Room."
    "TV Town Song Room? Do you mean Radio City Music Hall? How could you get so many things wrong in a row?" (New Girl, S06E10)
  • "Sorry. I, I took the last Jew thing." (New Girl, S06E10)
  • "Amy Tan has lived life." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E08)
  • "You white people love throwing around that word – 'impossible.' 'Oh, Jennifer, my bangs are impossible.'" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E08)
  • "Babies are stronger now."
    "Like weed." (Black-ish, S03E09)
  • Rectify Season Grade: D
  • Beanbags filled with burritos (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E09)

(Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E09)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta


Big Willie Style

Did you ever see that movie where Will Smith plays an ad executive so shut down with grief over the death of his daughter that his business partners hire actors to confront him in public in the roles of Death, Time, and Love, the abstract concepts to whom he has been penning and mailing angry letters?

But that's not the weirdest part. The business partners want the Will Smith character to step aside, because their firm is floundering, so they set it up so that he believes that nobody but him can see Death, Time, and Love, even when he's shouting at them on the streets of Manhattan.

The plot demands that a private detective film Will Smith's character shouting at Love in the West Village and at Death on the subway. And then the business partners digitally remove the actors from that footage so it looks as if their deeply troubled friend is actually yelling at nobody.

Reminds me of that movie where Will Smith plays an aerospace engineer so shut down with guilt over the death of his fiancée and six others that he masquerades as an IRS agent, commits suicide by jellyfish in a bath of ice, and gives sight to a blind telemarketer for a meat company.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

50. Conan Submits To A Dominatrix (Conan Without Borders: Berlin, 12-07-16)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • ♫: "Swimming Pools [Drank]" (Son of Zorn, S01E08)
  • ♫: Glass Candy (Westworld, S01E10)
  • "The maze wasn't meant for you." (Westworld, S01E10)
  • Felix thinking he's a host (Westworld, S01E10)
  • Samuraiworld/Eastworld (Westworld, S01E10)
  • "The gods are pussies." (Westworld, S01E10)
  • "Die well." (Westworld, S01E10)
  • "A metaphor."
    "You mean a lie." (Westworld, S01E10)
  • "The divine gift does not come from a higher power, but from our own minds." (Westworld, S01E10)
  • ♫: "Exit Music" × "Westworld Main Title" (Westworld, S01E10)
  • Westworld Season Grade: C
  • "A baseball bat doesn't have a pussy." (The Walking Dead, S07E07)
  • ♫: Strand of Oaks – "HEAL" (Shameless, S07E10)
  • "She could be stuck in a pit somewhere, or quicksand, or even worse, slowsand, a slower, more torturous form of dangerous sand." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E08)
  • "The Doors? Man, that's a nice white group." (New Girl, S06E09)
  • "Maybe I've lost touch with the people. Serves me right being such a damn success. I'm sitting in my ivory tower like Dan Brown."
    "Nick, you're a very talented writer, but you're no Dan Brown."
    "Well, if I'm no Dan Brown, and I'm no man of the people, then who am I?" (New Girl, S06E09)
  • "I gotta fix the boiler."
    "Oh, gas or steam?"
    "It's a double." (New Girl, S06E09)
  • "I've read this same sentence, like, 20 times. Am I ever gonna find out where the red fern grows?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E07)
  • ♫: "Two Princes," heh (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E07)
  • "Happy birthday, little Henry. I hope you wished for herpes." (Black-ish, S03E09)
  • "Gear-i, pull up 'Klump diet.'"
    "I love the Klumps, but there might not be enough time to pull that off. You don't want to under-do the Klumps." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E08)
  • "The cum and joke mines of Mars." (South Park, S20E10)
  • South Park Season Grade: D-
  • RT: I don't know how this owl puppet is possible, but good work, prop crew! (Saturday Night Live, S42E09)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta