The Number of the Beast

So the three films I most wanted to see at this year's Toronto International Film Festival – Gone Girl, Inherent Vice, and Birdman – are skipping TIFF to be the opening night film, centrepiece film, and closing night film, respectively, of this year's New York Film Festival.

Moreover, Lionsgate pulled Arnold Schwarzenegger's indie zombie drama Maggie, and screenings for the Bill Murray showcaser St. Vincent and Sweden's much ballyhooed Force Majeure went off-sale before my ticket selection window.

But: Lemonade.

$600 lemonade.

Petrochemical America

Idea: Hire a private investigator to follow podcasters and see if they actually use stamps.com.

Idea: An all-homeless-people season of The Real World. "This is the true story, of seven homeless strangers, picked to live in a house, work together, and have their lives taped."

A war vet, a gutter punk, someone who's HIV positive…

Film Idea: My Black Friend. A white dude desperately wants to have a black friend. After unsuccessfully trying to make one, he resorts to paying a black dude to be his friend. They, of course, end up legit friends. It's a variation on The Toy.

Eater's Digest: Vancouver, BC

[from April (I know, I know...)]

pidgin / meat and bread / the pie shoppe / mancakes bakery / cuchillo / the flying pig / bao bei chinese brasserie / the fish counter / black rook bakehouse / dunlevy snack bar



Oyster Shot (Pidgin)
apple, horseradish


Beef Brisket (Pidgin)
miso gorgonzola crust, beets

Brisket with a gorgonzola crust sounds odd, but tastes fabulous.


Meringue (Pidgin)
passion fruit curd, almonds, white chocolate, lime

Stupendous curd.



Porchetta Sandwich (Meat and Bread)
salsa verde

One of the best sandwiches I have ever eaten. Exceeded the hype. The accompanying mustard is terrific too.


Chocolate Pecan Pie (The Pie Shoppe)

I effort to try a chocolate pecan pie in every city I visit.

Chocolate pecan pies in Canada are dismayingly just pecan pies with chocolate drizzled atop. I prefer chocolate pecan pies with chocolate incorporated into the filling.

This chocolate pecan pie had a stick-to-your-teeth toffee-ness that I kinda dug.


ManCakes Toolkit (ManCakes Bakery)
buffalo wing / rum and coke / tequila pineapple / whiskey lime / chocolate red wine / pizza / pink peppercorn grapefruit / bacon chili chocolate / apple brie / breakfast / king kong / chicago

So. ManCakes. Cupcakes for men. Interesting on paper, uneventful in my mouth. And some –

– I struggled to finish, despite being tasting-sized.


Nanaimo Bar (Black Rook Bakehouse)

Black Rook Bakehouse was somehow the only place in Vancouver where I found Nanaimo bars. Its Nanaimo bars are excellent.


[Close Encounters of the Food Kind S04E01: Jon eats lunch with Pinder in Gastown (April 2014)]

Bone Marrow Cheezy Bread (The Flying Pig)

The bone marrow just made the cheese taste rancid, and the bread was tough, like it was microwaved. No me gusta.


Chipotle and Sea Salt Dusted Fry Bread (Cuchillo)


Pulled Duck and Cracklin' Taco (Cuchillo)
roasted garlic, blackberry habanero jam, corn tortilla


Molé Lamb Albondigas Taco (Cuchillo)
sardo parmesan, browned garlic popcorn, red corn tortilla

House Guacamole, Tapenade Manzanilla, Huitlacoche Salsa (Cuchillo)
chips

Chips and tapenade – only in Canada.


Albacore Tuna and Pipián Rojo Ceviche (Cuchillo)
warm peruvian double-smoked bacon causa

Oh mon Dieu.



Shao Bing (Bao Bei Chinese Brasserie)
sesame flatbread with cumin lamb sirloin, pickled red onion, green pepper, cilantro, and salted chilies


Kick Ass House Fried Rice (Bao Bei Chinese Brasserie)
smoked duck breast, kohlrabi, jade daikon, yao tsai, thai basil, chili bamboo, spiced soy

Bao Bei: Good white guy Chinese. Would come again.


Pork Belly Bun (Dunlevy Snackbar)
cilantro, chili, lime gochujong

Korean Fried Chicken Bun (Dunlevy Snackbar)
lime mayo, house kimchi


Turmeric Sweet Soy Rice Noodles (Dunlevy Snackbar)
broccoli, pickled mushroom, green onion, chili, toasted cashew

More white guy Asian. If Bao Bei is Momofuku, then Dunlevy Snackbar is a pop-up in a Bushwick art gallery.


Its washroom is through the dark opening behind the DJ.

Som tum, gua bao, bibimbap, matcha cakeFood Network Star judges might question its culinary point of view.


MISSED CONNECTIONS

I covered most of them in this post.


Double Dutch Calamari and Tzatziki-Flavoured Thick Ripple Chips
Still haven't opened this souvenir.


Awake Caffeinated Chocolate

The fella over there with the hella good hair

// Montreal, QC

Jägermeister poutine at Brutus, an all-bacon restaurant: Bacon, caramelized onions, cheese, and "Jägermeister sauce."


// Toronto, ON

Idea: Sideshow Mel-kshake – a banana milkshake topped with blue cotton candy and a meringue bone.


// Ypsilanti, MI

Do not adjust your screen. Eastern Michigan's football field is grey.


// Las Vegas, NV

There's eclectic, and then there's Mötley Crüe leading into Ariana Grande – which you can enjoy for free with an obstructed view!


// San Francisco, CA

Hiro Sandwich at Urchin: Three meatballs "sandwiched" between a slice of baguette and two roasted marrow bones, served over fries.


// Seattle, WA

4 discs, 17 films, but only one of them stars Kiefer Sutherland, and it's a television movie from 1986 about teenaged vigilantes.

So it's not 24, nor is it 24 hours of films starring Kiefer Sutherland.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

35. Controlling Water Illusion (Wizard Wars, S01E02)


Stray Observations

  • Kevin doesn't get Nyan Cat (The Leftovers, S01E09)
  • "Every man rebels against the idea that this is fuckin' it – fights windmills, saves fuckin' damsels, all in search of greater purpose. You have no greater purpose because it is enough." (The Leftovers, S01E09)
  • Mr. Quinlan! (The Strain, S01E07)
  • That was Stephen McHattie as Mr. Quinlan? (The Strain, S01E07)
  • Going Deep with David Rees Season Grade: B-
  • Whoa! (Matador, S01E07)
  • Both of his hands?! (Matador, S01E07)
  • …Oh. (Matador, S01E07)
  • Scott Ian eating anchovies (Restaurant Startup, S01E08)
  • "This needs a delicate touch. Call The Chopper." (The Bridge, S02E08)

#clipoftheweek


William Smith

The alleys and narrow one-way streets of Philadelphia make me want to film a car chase here.

The dirt-cheap cab fares and car park rates make me want to move here.


SEPTA
PATCO
KORRA
NARUTO
MARTA
GOKU
MUNI

Transit system or anime character?


I was surprised to see Stevie Richards on the subway.

Stevie Richards won the Hardcore Championship 22 times?!

Hmm… According to Wikipedia, he won it 21 times.

Only a punk would claim a championship he didn't win.

McKern: Only a punk would call The Legend of Korra "anime."
Jon: #notallpunks


Another ad on the subway:

Better see Biebs!

How is Justin Bieber, Esquire not a show on truTV?

I can't decide which would amuse me more: Bieber representing Bieber, or Bieber cross-examining Bieber.

If he ever becomes a judge – Justice Bieber.



I'm coming home.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


34. Simon Sees (Nathan For You, S02E08)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Is business about to pick up? (The Strain, S01E06)
  • Patti recites the second stanza of Yeats' "Michael Robartes bids his Beloved be at Peace" (The Leftovers, S01E08)
  • Libby's got jungle fever (Masters of Sex, S02E06)
  • "Gonna hit the buffet at the Spearmint Rhino. You down?"
    "No, I'm gonna stick around here, put in a little work."
    "You sure, man? Boobies and food…" (Matador, S01E06)
  • "I'm an idiot businessman with a small dick." (Nathan For You, S02E08)
  • "We shared popcorn. We weren't masturbating there."
    "We just have one board for both. These cork boards are like $20." (Nathan For You, S02E08)
  • Nathan For You Season Grade: A-
  • Magic incorporating SPAM (Wizard Wars, S01E01)
  • "When a dude with puka shells runs away from you, you are on to something." (The Bridge, S02E07)
  • The Honourable Woman Season Grade: C+
  • Rectify Season Grade: C+
  • "In fact, you interrupted my preparations." (The Knick, S01E03)
  • RT: The fight with Algernon outside the bar was done with a rig on Andre's back and GoPro cameras (The Knick, S01E03)

#clipoftheweek


There's only one everything

Almost…finished…clearing out my boss' flat.

Jon: You think I can cancel your cable service for you?
Pep: Why not? You pose as me and sign my signature all the time.
Jon: Yes, but, won't they check identification?

Jon: Hey, did you read the surrender agreement? "Walls must be painted back to original colour"?!

Jon: Will they deduct from the security deposit for leaving the shower curtain? I've never moved to this extent before.
B: Jon, people your age are raising families.


Purgatory Chasm

Game Show Idea: A variation on The Price Is Right with phone number games instead of pricing games. You win stuff based on how well you know the phone numbers of contacts in your phone.

"All these digits are one away from the digits in your co-worker Tom's phone number."
"Gentleman, do I have seven digits correct?"

Pathfinder on a nine-by-nine grid.

For Plinko chips: "Scott Rothman's area code: Starts with a 4 or ends with a 0?"


So a white person unconscionably kills a black person. Punish said white person by dyeing his or her skin black — John Howard Griffin, but permanent. No prison time or death penalty, just irrevocably alter his or her appearance. #jonjustice


Rory: WWF : WCW :: Mad: Cracked.
Jon: But Cracked never rivaled Mad like WCW rivaled WWF.

Jon: Extending the analogy, John Severin is Hulk Hogan, and Don Martin is Bret Hart.
Rory: Duck Edwing is Shawn Michaels?

Suplex. Repeat.

Greatest Ever! Definitive! Alien Ant Farm?!

Of those 19 songs, only "The Best of Me" really fits the bill.

How do you not go with "Dammit" and "Fat Lip"?

What is this I don't even…

[pause]

"'What I Go to School For' by Busted."
"The Lemonheads' cover of 'Mrs. Robinson.'"
"'Blurry' by Puddle of Mudd."

Hüsker Dü couldn't have been on this disc?

It's like the record company just shuffled through the music libraries of its three "punk-est" employees.


Red Sucker Mouth

It's my last week living in New York City, probably ever.

"How I spent much of my early 30s in New York City, crashing at my boss' flat, using a hoodie as a blanket."

Pep's landlord has been showing his flat to prospective tenants. I chuckle to myself every time I hear one say, "It's spacious."

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


33. A Selfish Act (Utopia, S02E06)


Stray Observations

  • "I love how passionate you are about pepperoni." (Masters of Sex, S02E05)
  • Weird Al, Bob Dylan, and Mr. Wonderful in one episode (WWE Raw, 08-11-14)
  • "We're just…licking our fingers at the match factory!" (Going Deep with David Rees, S01E08)
  • Share a Coke with Ian (Utopia, S02E06)
  • Utopia Season Grade: B+
  • "One eye is dollar sign, one eye is safety. Dollar in one eyes, and babies in the other eyes." (Nathan For You, S02E07)
  • "Man, I'm from Brooklyn. I'd rather have a pizza." (Nathan For You, S02E07)
  • "The baby sign was gone from his eyes and replaced with another dollar sign." (Nathan For You, S02E07)
  • Wilfred Season Grade: C-
  • Keaton Henson! (Rectify, S02E09)
  • "This little light of mine, we gon' grow some pot…" (Black Jesus, S01E02)
  • "Whoo! Back ain't been the same since I carried them fat girls across the River Nile trying to get away from them soldiers, man." (Black Jesus, S01E02)
  • "Have you…had cocaine before?"
    "No."
    "You're going to feel nothing in your arm and wonderful everywhere else. It's truly a miracle." (The Knick, S01E02)

#clipoftheweek


James Bond Jr. chases S.C.U.M. around the world


Groot IMs "I am Groot."

Sketch Idea: Guardians of the Galaxy 90210. David Silver as Star-Lord. Thanos' daughter Donna. Steve Sanders as Groot. All he says is "I-an Ziering."

Joe E. Tata voices Rocket Raccoon.

Sketch Idea: The Golden Girls, but with four once-controversial rappers.

MLB Idea: Every extra inning, players on the fielding team shift a position. So in the 10th inning, the 9 position (right fielder) becomes the 1 (pitcher), and the pitcher becomes the 2 (catcher), et cetera.

I am a mercenary

Idea: Gym cars on commuter trains. Don't let lengthy commutes hinder you from working out.

Access the gym car with a train gym membership.

Build lounges in train stations, like airport lounges, where train gym members can shower and change.


Film/Television Idea: What if all the modern ranged weaponry in the world – firearms, missiles, et cetera – suddenly stopped working?


Concert Idea: An evening of HBO programme theme songs.

Sample setlist:

Enter to The Larry Sanders Show's theme song.

1. The Sopranos
2. How to Make It in America
3. Hung
4. Big Love ("God Only Knows")
5. Luck
6. True Blood
7. John From Cincinnati
8. True Detective
9. Flight of the Conchords
10. Oz
11. Lucky Louie
12. Six Feet Under
13. Game of Thrones
14. The Pacific
15. The Kids in the Hall
16. Boardwalk Empire

Encore
17. The Wire S1
18. The Wire S2
19. The Wire S3
20. The Wire S4
21. The Wire S5
22. Treme


Carrington Breckenridge

Buckcherry, have announced plans to release a new EP, titled FUCK, on August 19th via their own label, F-Bomb Records.

Members of Buckcherry, you are in your 40s.

The band might as well rename itself Fuckcherry.

Buckfieri: Triple F!

Never a band to play by the rules, Buckcherry has made a career out of pushing the boundaries and buttons of conventional rock music. Whether it's a song audaciously celebrating the finest white flake ("Lit Up"), an homage to unstable and irresistible young ladies ("Crazy Bitch") or an apologetic ballad ("Sorry")…

Rock music about drugs and women – how scandalously avant-garde. Marcel Duchamp would be proud.

FUCK unapologetically rattles the speakers as much as it will the censors.

The titles of the songs on Fuck all contain the word "fuck," because of course they do.

"6. Fist Fuck"?

The record features six balls-to-the-wall tracks that erupt with gritty riffs and sharp-tongued lyrics, including the upcoming radio single and riotous cover of Icona Pop's hit song "I Love It," which the band naturally cranks to 11 and renames "Say Fuck It."

[pause]

Way to rattle censors by cleaning up a song for radio. I L it.

Rory: "Fist Fuck" is a cover of "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

32. Neighbours (The Strain, S01E04)


Stray Observations

  • Music: Slayer – "Angel of Death" (The Leftovers, S01E06)
  • Holy Wayne only accepts payment by PayPal (The Leftovers, S01E06)
  • "Surely a live dog is better than a dead lion." (The Leftovers, S01E06)
  • Halt and Catch Fire Season Grade: C+
  • HHH trapping Brie in a corner (WWE Raw, 08-04-14)
  • Boobs on basic cable! (Matador, S01E04)
  • "Disguised as a female bowler in religious garb…" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
  • RT: "Oh my god, the 9/11 truther on Nathan For You last night is probably my favorite TV moment of the 21st century" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
  • "(Burkas provided)" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
  • RT: "The Bill Gates impersonator from Nathan For You deserves every Emmy, and all other awards as well" (Nathan For You, S02E06)


(Nathan For You, S02E06)


(Wilfred, S04E08)

  • Mike Clattenburg [Trailer Park Boys] co-created this programme? (Black Jesus, S01E01)
  • "Nigga-Wan Kenobi." (Black Jesus, S01E01)
  • Korean ladies randomly giving Jesus a wonderful basket of shit (Black Jesus, S01E01)
  • "Michael! Chandler! Ross!" (Black Jesus, S01E01)
  • "Komaki has so many places in his body to be beaten, but he only chooses to hit his balls." (Jonah From Tonga, S01E01)
  • Cliff Martinez's score is so Cliff Martinez (The Knick, S01E01)
  • 2014: The year of fatal gunshots to Matt Frewer's head (The Knick, S01E01)
  • Bono's daughter injecting cocaine into Clive Owen's dick (The Knick, S01E01)
  • Outlander's theme song is ludicrously catchy (Outlander, S01E01)
  • Happy Valley Season Grade: C+

#clipoftheweek


Eater's Digest: Louisville

milkwood / el mundo / homemade ice cream and pie kitchen / the silver dollar / the comfy cow / 610 magnolia / ramsi's cafe on the world / superchef's breakfast


"This is chicken and waffles?"


Fried Chicken and Waffle (Milkwood)
radish, dill, chili paste, buttermilk dressing

Collards and Kim-chi (Milkwood)

I think I love collard greens.


Octopus Bacon (Milkwood)
smashed potatoes, sour cream, kalamata, jalapeño puree

"Octopus bacon" = smoked braised octopus tentacles. The olives killed this dish. How can people eat olives?

Sorghum and Grits Ice Cream (Milkwood)
coconut cake, coffee syrup, croissant, berries

Idea: High fructose corn syrup-flavoured ice cream.



Mamma mia! That's a spicy toilet! (El Mundo)


Pecan Chocolate Chip Pie (Homemade Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen)
georgia pecans on top of a sweet sugar and butter filling with chocolate chips and bourbon

I effort to try a chocolate pecan pie in every city I visit. This one left no impression.


I visited The Comfy Cow to try its

Bourbon Ball Ice Cream (The Comfy Cow)
sweet bourbon ball candies generously added to an old forester bourbon based ice cream

but it wasn't available, so I settled for scoops of

Policeman's Special Ice Cream (The Comfy Cow)
freshly roasted coffee ice cream combined with pieces of delicious glazed doughnuts from louisville's nord's bakery

Simply Southern Ice Cream (The Comfy Cow)
georgia butter pecan base infused with old forester bourbon, loaded with pecan pie pieces and barry callebaut dark chocolate chips



Can't you taste this gold? (610 Magnolia)


SuperChef's Breakfast is a restaurant located in the back of a consignment shop.


Pancake Platter (SuperChef's Breakfast)
red velvet / reese's peanut butter cup / caramel apple / banana pudding

Root Beer Float Waffles (SuperChef's Breakfast)
waffles served with vanilla ice cream and root beer syrup

Cheddar Biscuit Sandwich (SuperChef's Breakfast)
candied bacon, omelet style egg, asiago cheese

Roasted Red Pepper Grits (SuperChef's Breakfast)

Pretzel Croissant (SuperChef's Breakfast)

This is as much of its menu as I could fit in my stomach.


MISSED CONNECTIONS


Super Duper Cakes (SuperChef's Breakfast)

Peanut Butter and Jelly Oatmeal (SuperChef's Breakfast)
slow cooked steel cut oatmeal intensified with creamy peanut butter and topped with grape jelly

Bron Bron Burger (SuperChef's Breakfast)
topped with a hot crab spread and pulled pork, served with a sweet and sour glaze on a brioche bun


Togarashi Cheesecake (Milkwood)
peanut sea salt, miso caramel, blackened pineapple