Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

17. Tina singing "Just What I Needed" (Bob's Burgers, S06E14)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • RT: Watch Zeke's eyes drop to Tina's chest the moment he first appears in the episode (Bob's Burgers, S06E14)
  • "No one is gonna think you really hate kissing. Do people think Tony Danza is really the boss?"
    "I do… I mean, he's at least a boss…" (Bob's Burgers, S06E14)
  • Ring finger middle finger (The Last Man on Earth, S02E15)

(WWE Raw, 04-18-16)

  • Better Call Saul Season Grade: B
  • "I should've known Agent Wheelan was dirty. There were signs. He wore a V-neck once."
    "Bob! You did nothing?!"
    "It's my greatest regret." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E23)
  • "Chocolate is the devil's carob."
    "And carob is Satan's raisin." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E23)
  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season Grade: C+
  • "You're the only one I've been with after your father." (Empire, S02E14)

(Empire, S02E14)

(Archer, S07E04)

  • "Ashes to ashes, dust to side-chicks." (Lemonade)
  • RT: Beyoncé saw tree of life (Lemonade)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


Sometimes it snows in April

Chris Hemsworth?! The most famous brother?!

No pre-nup? Ponzi scheme?

I was gonna Idea a Fox News cruise, but several conservative cruises already exist. For example:

Of course it's a European river cruise through Axis countries. Of course.

Idea: A Ted cruise that stops at Trump… Ahh, forget it.

Del Shannon – "Runaway"

While waiting to pick up the kids at school today, I browsed humour writing assignments pinned to a wall and…


Oh. It's a play on Divergent.

They must swim in a pool of detergent? Continents shaped like detergent?


At age 22, Murphy was offered a job writing for the sitcom Seinfeld which was then little-known. He did not expect the show to be successful and chose to continue with music instead.

Idea: LCD Seinsystem – a novelty Twitter account that pairs stills of Seinfeld with LCD Soundsystem lyrics.

Or a band that plays dance-punk songs about nothing.

Gentleman's Sweep

Idea: Craps and Furious – Fast and Furious-themed craps. Dominic Toretto is all about family, and no table game is more communal than craps.

Fast and Furious 10 will reportedly be the final Fast and Furious film. Make two more Fast and Furious films so that every Fast and Furious film is represented in Fast and Furious craps.

Dom should not appear in Fast and Furious 12, so that craps rolls (2, 3, and 12) are the Fast and Furious films not starring Vin Diesel.

And, as Paul Walker exited in Furious 7, rolling a 7 ends a round.

Idea: The Fast and the Furious: Oculus Drift – a virtual reality experience.

Other Universal IP that lends itself well to VR: Jurassic Park, 50 Shades of Grey, The Purge.

I'll drive my car without the brakes


Did anyone at Mars point out that this is also the mix of, like, 30 other countries?

Idea: Skittles – Colour Blind Mix. Just red and green Skittles.

Idea: Black Skittles. Promote them with a parody of "Black Skinhead."

Four in the mornin', and I'm jonesin'
They say I'm obsessed, share with no one
I eat, like, 300, ebon colon
Gobs of Black Skittles, none are token

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

16. "Let's break into the FBI." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E22)

Like the diner scene in Heat.

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

(The Last Man on Earth, S02E14)

  • Lol at that cut to end credits (The Magicians, S01E13)
  • The Magicians Season Grade: D
  • "He appears to be rifling through Clown Boobies magazine." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E22)
  • "Uhh, actually, that, that's my lint. My lint is oblong. My lint is blue." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E22)
  • "I don't get it. Miranda could have had Blair Underwood, but she settles for Steve?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E22)
  • "Oh, Bob…" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E22)
  • RT: "The latest The Grinder is so relentlessly meta and brilliant it may have shattered television comedy for generations" (The Grinder, S01E19)
  • "The woman, though. She was great."
    "I love her dry delivery."
    "Yeah, I want to see more of her." (The Grinder, S01E19)
  • "So, I got some feedback from some girls at school, and apparently, half of them don't even know who I am."
    "Well, my friends kept it pretty positive, mostly asking for more of some stuff, but nothing I can't deliver on."
    "Lizzie, you're forgettable. We know that now. So the question becomes 'what are we going to do about it?'" (The Grinder, S01E19)
  • ♫: The Builders and the Butchers – "Golden and Green" (Banshee, S04E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


I was there in 1968


If the rights to further entries in the horror franchises "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Halloween", "Friday The 13th", "A Nightmare On Elm Street", "Child's Play(Chucky)", "Leprechaun", "Hellraiser", "Re-Animator", "Phantasm", "Candyman", "Maniac Cop", "Silent Night, Deadly Night", "Darkman", "Wishmaster", and "Annabelle"/"The Conjuring", the rights to further entries in the "Evil Dead" franchise and Full Moon's "Puppet Master" and "Demonic Toys, Dollman, & Bad Channels" horror franchises, and the rights to the planned "Hack/Slash" TV series can be shared by Lionsgate, Sony, Paramount, New Line, Weinstein, Relativity and Rogue, Starz, Universal, and Full Moon, then there can be a "Hack/Slash" TV series, in addition to more entries in the previously mentioned franchises and epic crossover events.

Note: The timeline of the universe in which these take place should contain the events of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"[1974], a remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2", and the upcoming prequel to "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"[1974] titled "Leatherface", "Halloween"[1978], "Halloween 2"[1981], "Halloween 3: Season of The Witch", "Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers", a remake of "Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers", a remake of "Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers", "Halloween: H20", and "Halloween: Resurrection", the original "Friday The 13th"(excluding "Jason X") and "A Nightmare On Elm Street" film series, "Friday The 13th: The Series", the "Child's Play(Chucky)" film series, the original "Leprechaun" film series, the 1st-5th "Hellraiser" films, the "Re-Animator" film series, the "Phantasm" film series, the "Candyman" film series, the "Maniac Cop" film series, the "Silent Night, Deadly Night" film series, the "Darkman" film series, the "Wishmaster" film series, the "Annabelle"/"The Conjuring" film series, and the "Puppet Master" film series and the "Demonic Toys, Dollman, & Bad Channels" film series.

I realize that in "Halloween 3: Season of The Witch", an ad for "Halloween"[1978] is shown on TV, as is the film itself, but the in-universe explanation for that can be that the film that is advertised & shown on TV is based on the infamous events that took place in Haddonfield,Illinois on the night of Halloween in 1978, and that said film was released in 1980.


A song performed by Dokken and Alice Cooper titled "Nightmare Warriors" should be made for the "Freddy VS Jason VS Ash 2: The Nightmare Warriors" TV miniseries.

There should be a "Child's Play(Chucky)" & "Silent Night, Deadly Night" crossover film titled "Silent Night, Chucky Night". There should be a "Child's Play(Chucky)", "Puppet Master", & "Demonic Toys" crossover film titled "Chucky VS Puppet Master VS Demonic Toys".


Years from now, there should be a 1-season-long TV series, which should be aired on the Starz TV channel, in which a mysterious extra-dimensional being with ties to Hell brings all the villain characters of these franchises together and forces them to fight each other in "Mortal Kombat"-style battles, and the surviving hero characters of these franchises are somehow brought into the situation.

Petition for a fighting game with just horror film characters.

I know you can play as Leatherface, Jason Voorhees, and Freddy Krueger in Mortal Kombat X, but I'm talking a Super Smash Bros. of horror cinema.

Disney is leaving money on the table by not commissioning a Marvel vs. Star Wars fighting game.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

15. Conan Stars In North Korea's First Late Night Talk Show (Conan in Korea)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Michael Cole: "C'mon, Byron, Xavier's hair, he's obviously Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z. Don't you know anything?" (WrestleMania 32)
  • Shaq entering the ring to "Panda" (WrestleMania 32)

Stephanie McMahon (WrestleMania 32)

The Masturbatorium (The Last Man on Earth, S02E13)

  • "I was just wondering if you could perform a little bro-to-bro solid. Well, more of a gelatinous than a solid, really. Could you masturbate into this cup for me?"
    "Absolutely. A friend needs semen, he gets semen. What's the time frame on this? It's just, the well's running a little dry. I could give you pee. Would pee help?" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E13)
  • "Then I'm the biggest bastard on Earth."
    "Todd, stop it. That title is reserved for Erica's baby." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E13)
  • Carol's pronunciation of "groin" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E13)
  • Erica's pronunciation of "khakis" (The Last Man on Earth, S02E13)
  • Lost music (The Walking Dead, S06E16)
  • "Gonna be pee pee pants city here real soon." (The Walking Dead, S06E16)
  • The Walking Dead Season Grade: F
  • RT: Of all the Chicago fuck-ups on Shameless, having very old Duke audio for that DePaul and Northwestern game is the most personal (Shameless, S06E12)
  • Shameless Season Grade: D
  • "OJ was here." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E10)
  • "We got a real rager planned." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E10)
  • The nudity is Cuba Gooding Jr.'s butt (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E10)
  • The People v. O.J. Simpson Season Grade: B+
  • "So, Mimi Whiteman and her wife?"
    "Look, we gonna get them a real nice wedding present. You know, a couple of dildos." (Empire, S02E12)
  • "Look, I'm meeting with the PR team. I will have them come up with a clever way to get the gays back behind you."
    "Shouldn't take a PR team. Just drop your drawers, brother." (Empire, S02E12)
  • ♫: Run the Jewels – "Run the Jewels" (Empire, S02E12)
  • "Never put your baseball hat on straight. You always cock it to the side. But don't cock it too far. You're a Johnson, not a Wayans." (Black-ish, S02E19)
  • ♫: Dorothy Moore – "Misty Blue" (The Americans, S04E04)
  • Nina! (The Americans, S04E04)

(Banshee, S04E02)

  • Adam Scott and Jon Daly playing Adam Scott and John Daly (The Adult Swim Golf Classic)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


I'm a killing spree in white, eyes like broken Christmas lights

The URL is "millennials-hate-napkins."

Millennials are killing the paper napkin industry.

Younger consumers are opting instead for paper towels at the dinner table.

I'm pretty sure the paper napkin industry also makes paper towels.

Consumers view napkins as a less economical choice than paper towels. "It's one less thing to buy."

Also, paper towels are packaged tidily in a standardized roll. Napkins are a motley lot that can be a pain to organize neatly.

The Washington Post notes several other reasons for the decline of the napkin.

For one, paper towels are more functional than napkins, thanks to their ability to clean up messes of all sizes.

Ehhh… Napkins are as functional as paper towels. You can clean up messes of all sizes with napkins too, just like you can blow your nose with toilet paper, and wipe your butt with facial tissues.

Shit, you can blow your nose and wipe your butt with paper towels too – three less things to buy!

Additionally, the Post notes how fewer millennials are eating meals at home, which is also contributing to the decline of napkin purchases.

Does anyone buy drinking straws? If needed, I just grab some at Chick-fil-A (I like the quality of its straws).

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

14. Undersea Hotel (Saturday Night Live, S41E16)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • RT: Four minutes in and this is definitely Brian's Emmy episode (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E18)
  • "I bet he got lice from sleeping over at Dave's. All that orange soda made his blood sweet and then the lice came."
    "I don't think drinking soda gives you lice."
    "You're telling me lice see an innocent child in a dirty home drinking a sweet soda and they don't want in on that? Lice live for that. They're the pedophiles of the insect world." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E18)
  • ♫: Outkast – "Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E18)
  • "He's getting saner by the minute. In a month, he'll basically just be Frasier."
    "Don't use Frasier's name in vain." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E20)
  • "I don't understand. How can you teach screenwriting if you can't sell a script?" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E09)
  • "We're in the South. Haven't you noticed the smell of mint julep and condescension?" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E09)
  • "She reprimanded him for writing 'KKK' on a Martin Luther King poster." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E09)
  • "This is my goddamn company. I built it from nothing, and I'll be damned if somebody gon' take me away from it."
    "Hey, Lucious. I'm down. [pulls out gun] 'kay? I mean, I am down. [pulls out another gun]" (Empire, S02E11)
  • "You can't have Hakeem, bitch."
    "I already did." (Empire, S02E11)
  • William sprinting away from Philip as soon as he realizes what's going on (The Americans, S04E02)
  • Philip spitting in William's eye (The Americans, S04E02)
  • "Pam, if a single one of these has left this building, I will personally sew you into a canvas bag full of rats and throw that bag into the river."
    "What river? It's a concrete slab!" (Archer, S07E01)
  • "And since the front of the house by the road is guarded 24/7, you're gonna have to go in from the rear."
    "No, you all took it for granted." (Archer, S07E01)
  • Sarah Palin 2012 shirt (Banshee, S04E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


Sailing the Seas of Cheese

The Ridiculous Six, The Hateful Eight, and now…

Written by Nick Carter!

And also starring: Art Alexakis, Crazy Town's Shifty Shellshock, and Gerardo!

Idea: A prequel to Dead 7 starring members of Boyz II Men, New Kids on the Block, New Edition, and Menudo – Fear the Dead 7.



I'm not sure that a zombie lion on the loose is any more frightening than a live lion on the loose. What does undeadness add to uncaged predators?

Endless Bummer

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I am chuffed to present Backwash, a podcast by Adam Robot and I.

Episode 13:

iTunes link

1. SXSW / Joe Camel
2. Sneakerhead Travel / Hand Washing / Hotel Minibars
3. Upcoming Sequels and Remakes
4. Fear the Walking Dead / Daredevil

recorded on March 20, 2016

I just realized that our podcast has the same cover art colour scheme as Bill Simmons' podcast network:


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

13. Martin vs. Seinfeld (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E09)

Honourable Mention

  • Arby's meltdown (Baskets, S01E10)

Stray Observations

(Tyler Perry's The Passion, 03-20-16)

  • RT: Jesus administering communion at the last supper singing "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed (Tyler Perry's The Passion, 03-20-16)
  • RT: Chris Daughtry as Judas singing Evanescence "Wake Me Up Inside" as he decides to sell out Jesus (Tyler Perry's The Passion, 03-20-16)
  • RT: Peter denies Jesus three times while singing Hoobastank's "The Reason" (Tyler Perry's The Passion, 03-20-16)
  • Eugene's distraction (Shameless, S06E14)
  • Carl and Winslow (Shameless, S06E10)
  • "But you haven't even touched your penis!" (The Magicians, S01E10)
  • "What is my dad doing at our front door?"
    "He thinks we're going on a date. I'll get rid of him. Go to your room and close the door."
    "Do not tell me what to do! You are not my mom!" (New Girl, S05E12)
  • "In my defense, I was stoned for most of the '90s, and the 2000s. Full disclosure: I was stoned this morning. I like weed." (New Girl, S05E12)
  • "What is a Seinfeld?" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "Man, Seinfeld ain't about nothing." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • The cut to O.J. recounting a Seinfeld joke (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "You know how ladies can get." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • ♫: The Folk Implosion – "Natural One" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "Her husband raped her twice."
    "Actually, it wasn't legally rape in '88. I mean, between a husband and wife."
    "You just said that – out loud." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "Toughen up, Cochran. This is a smoker's lounge. Daycare's on the first floor." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "The deputies, they're not fair. The white jurors get better treatment than us. When they took us out shopping, they gave them an hour at Target and only gave us 30 minutes at Ross."
    "Them… Us…?"
    "They know that blacks like Ross more!"
    "Is that true?"
    "Of course it is. Everybody knows that."
    Johnnie: "It's true." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • Susan Beaubian, who plays madam foreman Armanda Cooley, starred as Mrs. Nordberg, wife of O.J. Simpson's Nordberg in the 1988 Naked Gun movie (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "I pray to the Lord sweet baby black Jesus, you put me on hold one more time, negro." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "I hear you take your coffee black." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "O.J. tip line." (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • RT: He underlined "frame niggers" (The People v. O.J. Simpson, S01E08)
  • "You have a cute science teacher?" (The Americans, S04E02)
  • Top Chef Gregory (Portlandia, S06E10)
  • Kai Ryssdal (Portlandia, S06E10)
  • Portlandia Season Grade: D-
  • "Is she having a stroke?"
    "No, she's not having a stroke."
    "You should have a stroke…" (Baskets, S01E10)
  • "Responsibility, community, hard work, sliced meats." (Baskets, S01E10)
  • "This is Sebastian. He used to be the nurse to the Chemical Brothers' mother." (Baskets, S01E10)
  • "I found a dead sea turtle in my curly fries." (Baskets, S01E10)
  • "You're Arby's family now, my man, and Arby takes care of his own." (Baskets, S01E10)
  • Odd boxcar green-screening (Baskets, S01E10)
  • Baskets Season Grade: A-

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

Looking ahead:

Dumping Orphan Black.


Eater's Digest: Las Vegas 2

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Pretzel Bar (The Buffet at Wynn)
—The best buffet item in all of Las Vegas – confectionery crack.

March 2016
harvest / the buffet at wynn / flock and fowl / portofino / sage / the buffet at wynn / other mama / honey salt / gelato messina / cravings buffet / slo-boy food / zydeco po-boys / the smashed pig / glutton / carson kitchen / the buffet at aria / skinnyfats / rm seafood / the buffet at wynn / herringbone / yonaka modern japanese / tacos el gordo / bacchanal buffet

French Toast and Caviar (Other Mama)
crème fraiche

An oddly pleasant combination.

Togarashi Waffle Fries (Other Mama)
—Like full-bodied Cape Cod Waffle Cut Chips.

Turducken Pot Pie (Carson Kitchen)
buttermilk crumble

Ground turkey, grilled chicken breast, shreds of confit duck legs – plus foie gras.

No longer on the menu, though.

Foie Gras Candy Bar (Sage)
salt and pepper peanut butter cream, bourbon caramel, single-origin milk chocolate

I couldn't discern the foie gras. It's seemingly included just so the restaurant can charge $20 for a candy bar.

Chocolate Bread Pudding (Glutton)
chocolate ganache, candy bar ice cream

Candy bar ice cream > a cherry.

Rick's Tasting Game (RM Seafood)
16 flavours of house made ice cream and sorbet, served blind

You are given vanilla bean, and if you can guess the rest of the flavours correctly, this $18 dessert is free.

I guessed nine correctly, so 10/16.

Three tasted like chocolate. Chocolate, carob, and dark chocolate? A: Nutella, Guinness, and chocolate.

Two tasted like coffee. Coffee and…white coffee? A: Coffee and B&B (Bénédictine and Brandy).

One didn't taste like anything. Some kind of cream-flavoured ice cream? A: Extra virgin olive oil.

C.C.S. [Central Coast Salad] (SLO-Boy Food)
market greens, goat cheddar, beer vinaigrette, charred scallions

Whole charred scallions killed this salad for me. This is what salads are like in San Luis Obispo?

I ordered this salad primarily to try its beer vinaigrette, which tasted like honey mustard.


Martini (Harvest)
smoke and blue cheese infused tito's vodka, mancino secco vermouth, rosemary, blue cheese stuffed olives
—Smoke and blue cheese infused vodka.

Abuelita's Remedy (Oak and Ivy)
stone xocoveza, milagro reposado, ibarra chocolate, topped off with crema de maiz and sprinkled with corn nuts
—Sprinkled with Corn Nuts.

Suzuki Shuzouten Hideyoshi Flying Pegasus Daiginjo (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
—Yours for only $555!

Baklava Sliced (Oak and Ivy)
high west whiskeys, honey-nut infused del professore vermouth, amaro di angostura
—"A cocktail inspired by the great taste of baklava."

SkinnyFATS is located in a nondescript office park in the hinterland, but was packed when I visited, presumably with locals.

Its concept is parallel menus – a skinny menu and a fat one. Each healthy menu item has a corresponding "happy" version.

So instead of ordering this healthy sandwich:

Teriyahi (SkinnyFATS)
seared teriyaki ahi, citrus slaw, spinach, and grilled tomato on sesame crusted 9 grain toast

I opted for its "happy" counterpart:

Filet O Fire (SkinnyFATS)
filet mignon, fried jalapeño, avo pico, jalapeño ranch, on cajun garlic sourdough toast

Hainanese Chicken Rice (Flock and Fowl)
house made ginger scallion sauce, house made chile, house made soy, marinated cucumbers, preserved mustard greens

It's not Nong's khao man gai, but it's good. I appreciate that the chicken is boneless.

Butternut Squash Gnocchi (Portofino)
turkey confit, pickled cranberries, thanksgiving crumble

Thanksgiving dumplings.

"Crab Cake" Arancini (Portofino)
lemon saffron risotto, pesto aioli, fresno pickles
—Fried crab risotto.

Crispy Devilled Eggs (The Smashed Pig)

They reminded me of eating a po-boy.

Lamb "Tacos" (The Smashed Pig)
sour cream, sweet pepper chutney

The taco shells are fried eggplant discs.

Carne Asada Taco (Tacos El Gordo)
Cabeza Taco (Tacos El Gordo)

I dug the smokiness of the carne asada, and fuckin' adored the beef head. Best thing I ate in Las Vegas this trip.

Tuna Poke (Herringbone)
yellowfin tuna, shoyu, maui onion, macadamia

Worst thing I ate in Las Vegas this trip. A sodding rip-off at $22. I only ordered it because it's poke served with green onion pancakes. Well, [shocker!] they don't pair well.

The best restaurant I ate at in Las Vegas this trip was Yonaka Modern Japanese.

Toro (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
bluefin tuna belly, walnut, cranberry, negi, piment d'espelette

Machi Ringo (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
yellowtail, apple, fennel, sweet chili zu, negi oil

Terrific riffs on sashimi.

Meat Candy (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
twice cooked caramel glazed kurobuta pork belly, kimchee apple, smoked tofu peanut butter puree

Karaage (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
fried chicken, jalapeno, mint, basil, onion
—Fried chicken with Thai flavours.

Choco 10 Ways (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
chocolate, coffee-nutella ice cream, marshmallow

1. white choco-tofu frozen mousse
2. dehydrated chocolate milk
3. cocoa crumbs
4. choco mint oil
5. choco caramel
6. choco marshmallow
7. espresso choco macaron with Nutella ganache filling
8. candied cocoa nibs
9. choco wafers
10. coffee Nutella ice cream

Red Velvet Nutella Pancake (The Buffet at Aria)

Breakfast Calzone (The Buffet at Aria)

I know, I know. Buffet food? From a mid-tier buffet, no less?! I couldn't believe it either.

The Red Velvet Nutella Pancake is a tire-sized [in diameter] layer cake, served in slices.

Elsewhere in Las Vegas buffets…

1. Why am I seeing unpeeled cocktail shrimp?

2. The Buffet at Wynn has the best fried chicken.

3. To my dismay, The Buffet at Wynn discontinued the best buffet item in all of Las Vegas.

4. The new best buffet item in all of Las Vegas is a Made-to-Order Crepe (Bacchanal Buffet) with Nutella and strawberry sauce.

What is that place? I wondered.

OH. That's that Parisian sex shop-themed fondue restaurant that I read about – F. Pigalle.


Bacon Pancake Dippers (MTO Café)
peppercorn maple syrup
—In-pancake bacon.

Breakfast Taquitos (Kitchen Table)
chorizo, potato, roasted chilies, pickled cabbage, avo salsa

Hickory Smoked Chocolate Coffee Cake (Yardbird)
smoked coffee cake, house-made coffee ice cream, chocolate sauce

Braised Duck Jam (Inyo)
drake duck leg "pho flavour" with thai basil, mint, bean sprout salad, and sesame cracker
—Deconstructed pho.

Tostada (Kitchen Table)
suckling pig, black beans, cilantro slaw, salsa, quail egg
—Suckling pig tostada.

(SLO-Boy Food)

Calamari Fries (Glutton)
sriracha mayo, eel sauce, crushed peanuts
—Squid as potatoes.

Octo-Cargot (Inyo)
broiled spanish octopus baked escargot style with garlic, shiro miso, and herb butter panko
—Octopuses as snails.

Tate Ichigo (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
scallops, strawberries, strawberry zu negi oil

Caramel Corn Profiteroles (Glutton)
salted caramel, popcorn ice cream, peanuts
—Popcorn ice cream.

Banana Tiramisu (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
fried latte, brown butter-banana crumble, white espresso latte
—Fried latte.

Chow is a combination Chinese and Southern food restaurant.


Guilherme Crabogiale Fuck

I spent my afternoon browsing the Hannibal Complete Series Auction.

Everything must go, from Hannibal's Rolodex to a Stuffed Octopus that appeared in a framed photo at a crime scene.

I'm tempted to bid on one of Hannibal's Vinyl Kill Suits, but I don't know what I'd do with a vinyl suit outside of Halloween, and even then, how many people would recognize me as Hannibal?

Someone bid on this.