James Bond Jr. chases S.C.U.M. around the world


Groot IMs "I am Groot."

Sketch Idea: Guardians of the Galaxy 90210. David Silver as Star-Lord. Thanos' daughter Donna. Steve Sanders as Groot. All he says is "I-an Ziering."

Joe E. Tata voices Rocket Raccoon.

Sketch Idea: The Golden Girls, but with four once-controversial rappers.

MLB Idea: Every extra inning, players on the fielding team shift a position. So in the 10th inning, the 9 position (right fielder) becomes the 1 (pitcher), and the pitcher becomes the 2 (catcher), et cetera.

I am a mercenary

Idea: Gym cars on commuter trains. Don't let lengthy commutes hinder you from working out.

Access the gym car with a train gym membership.

Build lounges in train stations, like airport lounges, where train gym members can shower and change.


Film/Television Idea: What if all the modern ranged weaponry in the world – firearms, missiles, et cetera – suddenly stopped working?


Concert Idea: An evening of HBO programme theme songs.

Sample setlist:

Enter to The Larry Sanders Show's theme song.

1. The Sopranos
2. How to Make It in America
3. Hung
4. Big Love ("God Only Knows")
5. Luck
6. True Blood
7. John From Cincinnati
8. True Detective
9. Flight of the Conchords
10. Oz
11. Lucky Louie
12. Six Feet Under
13. Game of Thrones
14. The Pacific
15. The Kids in the Hall
16. Boardwalk Empire

Encore
17. The Wire S1
18. The Wire S2
19. The Wire S3
20. The Wire S4
21. The Wire S5
22. Treme


Carrington Breckenridge

Buckcherry, have announced plans to release a new EP, titled FUCK, on August 19th via their own label, F-Bomb Records.

Members of Buckcherry, you are in your 40s.

The band might as well rename itself Fuckcherry.

Buckfieri: Triple F!

Never a band to play by the rules, Buckcherry has made a career out of pushing the boundaries and buttons of conventional rock music. Whether it's a song audaciously celebrating the finest white flake ("Lit Up"), an homage to unstable and irresistible young ladies ("Crazy Bitch") or an apologetic ballad ("Sorry")…

Rock music about drugs and women – how scandalously avant-garde. Marcel Duchamp would be proud.

FUCK unapologetically rattles the speakers as much as it will the censors.

The titles of the songs on Fuck all contain the word "fuck," because of course they do.

"6. Fist Fuck"?

The record features six balls-to-the-wall tracks that erupt with gritty riffs and sharp-tongued lyrics, including the upcoming radio single and riotous cover of Icona Pop's hit song "I Love It," which the band naturally cranks to 11 and renames "Say Fuck It."

[pause]

Way to rattle censors by cleaning up a song for radio. I L it.

Rory: "Fist Fuck" is a cover of "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

32. Neighbours (The Strain, S01E04)


Stray Observations

  • Music: Slayer – "Angel of Death" (The Leftovers, S01E06)
  • Holy Wayne only accepts payment by PayPal (The Leftovers, S01E06)
  • "Surely a live dog is better than a dead lion." (The Leftovers, S01E06)
  • Halt and Catch Fire Season Grade: C+
  • HHH trapping Brie in a corner (WWE Raw, 08-04-14)
  • Boobs on basic cable! (Matador, S01E04)
  • "Disguised as a female bowler in religious garb…" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
  • RT: "Oh my god, the 9/11 truther on Nathan For You last night is probably my favorite TV moment of the 21st century" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
  • "(Burkas provided)" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
  • RT: "The Bill Gates impersonator from Nathan For You deserves every Emmy, and all other awards as well" (Nathan For You, S02E06)


(Nathan For You, S02E06)


(Wilfred, S04E08)

  • Mike Clattenburg [Trailer Park Boys] co-created this programme? (Black Jesus, S01E01)
  • "Nigga-Wan Kenobi." (Black Jesus, S01E01)
  • Korean ladies randomly giving Jesus a wonderful basket of shit (Black Jesus, S01E01)
  • "Michael! Chandler! Ross!" (Black Jesus, S01E01)
  • "Komaki has so many places in his body to be beaten, but he only chooses to hit his balls." (Jonah From Tonga, S01E01)
  • Cliff Martinez's score is so Cliff Martinez (The Knick, S01E01)
  • 2014: The year of fatal gunshots to Matt Frewer's head (The Knick, S01E01)
  • Bono's daughter injecting cocaine into Clive Owen's dick (The Knick, S01E01)
  • Outlander's theme song is ludicrously catchy (Outlander, S01E01)
  • Happy Valley Season Grade: C+

#clipoftheweek


Eater's Digest: Louisville

milkwood / el mundo / homemade ice cream and pie kitchen / the silver dollar / the comfy cow / 610 magnolia / ramsi's cafe on the world / superchef's breakfast


"This is chicken and waffles?"


Fried Chicken and Waffle (Milkwood)
radish, dill, chili paste, buttermilk dressing

Collards and Kim-chi (Milkwood)

I think I love collard greens.


Octopus Bacon (Milkwood)
smashed potatoes, sour cream, kalamata, jalapeño puree

"Octopus bacon" = smoked braised octopus tentacles. The olives killed this dish. How can people eat olives?

Sorghum and Grits Ice Cream (Milkwood)
coconut cake, coffee syrup, croissant, berries

Idea: High fructose corn syrup-flavoured ice cream.



Mamma mia! That's a spicy toilet! (El Mundo)


Pecan Chocolate Chip Pie (Homemade Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen)
georgia pecans on top of a sweet sugar and butter filling with chocolate chips and bourbon

I effort to try a chocolate pecan pie in every city I visit. This one left no impression.


I visited The Comfy Cow to try its

Bourbon Ball Ice Cream (The Comfy Cow)
sweet bourbon ball candies generously added to an old forester bourbon based ice cream

but it wasn't available, so I settled for scoops of

Policeman's Special Ice Cream (The Comfy Cow)
freshly roasted coffee ice cream combined with pieces of delicious glazed doughnuts from louisville's nord's bakery

Simply Southern Ice Cream (The Comfy Cow)
georgia butter pecan base infused with old forester bourbon, loaded with pecan pie pieces and barry callebaut dark chocolate chips



Can't you taste this gold? (610 Magnolia)


SuperChef's Breakfast is a restaurant located in the back of a consignment shop.


Pancake Platter (SuperChef's Breakfast)
red velvet / reese's peanut butter cup / caramel apple / banana pudding

Root Beer Float Waffles (SuperChef's Breakfast)
waffles served with vanilla ice cream and root beer syrup

Cheddar Biscuit Sandwich (SuperChef's Breakfast)
candied bacon, omelet style egg, asiago cheese

Roasted Red Pepper Grits (SuperChef's Breakfast)

Pretzel Croissant (SuperChef's Breakfast)

This is as much of its menu as I could fit in my stomach.


MISSED CONNECTIONS


Super Duper Cakes (SuperChef's Breakfast)

Peanut Butter and Jelly Oatmeal (SuperChef's Breakfast)
slow cooked steel cut oatmeal intensified with creamy peanut butter and topped with grape jelly

Bron Bron Burger (SuperChef's Breakfast)
topped with a hot crab spread and pulled pork, served with a sweet and sour glaze on a brioche bun


Togarashi Cheesecake (Milkwood)
peanut sea salt, miso caramel, blackened pineapple

Fartin' Luther King

Burning New York City question: Who shops at Gristedes? It's like…whatchamacallit…Gelson's in Los Angeles. Who shops at Gelson's?

I stumbled upon this while killing time at Ralphs:

"Beef" is listed as an ingredient, but after "high fructose corn syrup."


WUT.


I recall a variation on Lucky Charms with just marshmallows, but that can't be right. All sugar?

Idea: Tins of just this Danish butter cookie:


Travis Gorzelsky

Can you imagine? Produced by Michael Bay, directed by Brett Ratner.

Rory: The Chad Kroeger feat. Josey Scott – "Hero" of cinema.
Anthony Michael Hall: The "Can't Stop Partying" of cinema.

What's the trifecta? Written by Akiva Goldsman?


I've been watching episodes of Hungry Investors, the Rob Ford of investment shows.


THJKFDDHKJFDDDDJU

0:32 is my new ringtone.

related:

Shit, Saturday Night Live should find someone to play Jon Taffer so Fictional Bar Rescue can be a recurring sketch.

Taffer at the Mos Eisley Cantina. Taffer at the Double Deuce.


Ben: will the marvel cinematic universe ever meet the fox one??
Jon: sure, if fox receives a cut of the take

Jon: what did paramount receive for the avengers? 9%?
Jon: fox shares its marvel characters with disney for 20% of global distribution revenue
Jon: also: the new star wars films retain the 20th century fox fanfare

Listen Up, Motherfathers

$99? In Manhattan?

Oh.


I just finished re-reading The Magician King by Lev Grossman to refresh myself for Tuesday's release of The Magician's Land.

And before that, I finished reading The Dinner by Herman Koch, a nasty piece of work.

I bet my brother fucks the way he eats, that he stuffs himself into a woman in the same way he stuffs a beef croquette into his mouth—and that his hunger is then stilled. [54]

I was remarkably calm. Calm and fatigued. There would be no violence. It was like a storm coming up. The café chairs are carried inside, the awnings are rolled up, but nothing happens. The storm passes over. And, at the same time, that's too bad. After all, we would all rather see the roofs ripped from the houses, the trees uprooted and tossed through the air; documentaries about tornados, hurricanes, and tsunamis have a soothing effect. Of course it's terrible—we've all been taught to say that we think it's terrible. But a world without disasters and violence—be it the violence of nature or that of muscle and blood—would be the truly unbearable thing. [183-184]


Free association:

Marvel Studios' output from 2011-2018 =


Very casually playing through Ocarina of Time.

Three temples complete (Captain America 1, Thor 2, Guardians of the Galaxy), three more to go.

Avengers 3 = Ganon's castle.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


31. Hate Crime (The Leftovers, S01E05)

Poor Kathy Geiss.


Honourable Mention

  • Gabe's dick falls off (The Strain, S01E03)

Stray Observations

  • The actor who plays Corey Stoll's son also played his son on House of Cards (The Strain, S01E03)
  • "It's on Zillow." (The Strain, S01E03)
  • "Hello. I'm Macintosh." – yes! (Halt and Catch Fire, S01E09)


(Chopped, S21E03)


(Nathan For You, S02E05) – a "television episode of the year" nominee

  • "Dumb Norah Jones Duets." (Nathan For You, S02E05)
  • After replacing Dwight Yoakam with William Baldwin as Bruce, replacing Mary Steenburgen with Mimi Rogers as Ryan's mother (Wilfred, S04E07)
  • "I'm a three-legged dog, dude!" – finally something happens (Wilfred, S04E07)
  • "Can't you put me in protective custody or something? Somewhere cool, like Seattle or Banff." (The Bridge, S02E04)
  • "When it comes to the Middle East, you never ever try to play the Israelis." (The Honourable Woman, S01E05)

#clipoftheweek


We are…Penn Steak

It pains me to see banners with wind slits. If you need to slash up a banner so that it displays properly… How about re-formulating vinyl instead? Breathable vinyl.

The cookies in an ice cream cookie sandwich should have holes in them so that ice cream you displace when you bite into the sandwich squeezes out through the cookies and not between them, keeping the sandwich manageable to eat.

THE Ohio Steak University

"There is a place where the sky is always blue, and the kids always eat their vegetables, because the salad there is always served with the original Hidden Valley Ranch."

This copy…

1. The sky always being blue in this place has nothing to do with salad always being served with Hidden Valley Ranch. "There is a place where the kids always eat their vegetables, because the salad there is always served with the original Hidden Valley Ranch. Also: The weather's nice."

2. As Hidden Valley Ranch is not made in this place where the sky is always blue, why the environmental context? Why not just say, "Kids will eat vegetables served with Hidden Valley Ranch"?


This popped into my head today:


Free association:


Pauley Pavilion flooding =

One of my ideas for a wrestling match gimmick is submerging the mat in a foot of water, retarding movement and adding splashing. Imagine: A superplex into a ring of water.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

30. Routine Maintenance (Utopia, S02E03)


Honourable Mention

  • "Garden of the gods" meal (Food Network Star, S10E08)
  • Paul Heyman's promo (WWE Raw, 07-21-14)

Stray Observations

  • "At COMDEX, lavish equals shrimp." (Halt and Catch Fire, S01E08)
  • COMDEX is the new TechCrunch Disrupt (Halt and Catch Fire, S01E08)
  • Closed captioning: "'I Love You' song from Barney playing faintly" (The Strain, S01E02)


(MasterChef, S05E09)


Steph's gnarly cleavage (WWE Raw, 07-21-14)

  • "Is this a hybrid?" (WWE Raw, 07-21-14)
  • The teen actor (Nathan For You, S02E04)
  • The stripper cop (Nathan For You, S02E04)
  • "Underneath that dragon is our mattress." (Nathan For You, S02E04)
  • Chickens and a peacock in a tree (Nathan For You, S02E04)
  • John Cale! (The Bridge, S02E03)
  • "I say we act like white people and disappear and let our lawyer do the talking." (The Bridge, S02E03)
  • Jared's hair is approaching Eraserhead level (Rectify, S02E06)
  • Martin being a pimp (Friday Night Dinner, S03E06)
  • Friday Night Dinner Season Grade: C-

#clipoftheweek

Southern Hospitality, American Hostility

Rich Johnson is a charismatic, serial womanizer.

His name is Dick Dick.

After getting caught cheating and ruining another promising relationship, Rich desperately wishes his penis would just leave him alone. Lo and behold, Rich awakes the next morning to discover that his penis has left his body and taken human form as RP (Nick Thune) who moves into his apartment.

RP… Rich's Penis?

Yup. Rich's Penis.

Dick Dick's dick is Dick's Dick.

"SAG OR NON UNION CASTING NOTICE – Caucasian penis."

"Nick Thune, best known as Volchok's peen, died on Saturday night at his home in Los Angeles."

Reviews:

"There's a pretty great lesson hidden in this surprisingly cute little comedy about a guy and his penis not seeing eye to eye." – K.

"The characters are both outrageous and hysterical, everyone from the sassy waiter to the Yoda referencing cop." – Jorrdan Barroso

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


29. Conan and Dave Franco Join Tinder (Conan, 07-14-14)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I'd be quitting for Zach so he isn't driving around Queens in a green goddamn Prius." (The Strain, S01E01)
  • Captain and Tennille on The Leftovers, Neil Diamond on The Strain (The Leftovers, S01E03, The Strain, S01E01)
  • Music: Molotov – "Gimme the Power" (The Strain, S01E01)
  • "Love, you see, is the one force that cannot be explained, cannot be broken down into a chemical process. It is the beacon that guides us back home when no one is there, and the light that illuminates our loss. Its absence robs us of all pleasure, of our capacity for joy. It makes our nights darker, and our days gloomier. But when we find love, no matter how wrong, how sad, or how terrible, we cling to it. It gives us our strength. It holds us upright. It feeds on us, and we feed on it. Love is our grace. Love is our downfall." (The Strain, S01E01)
  • Artemis! (Masters of Sex, S02E01)
  • Ygritte! (Utopia, S02E01)
  • "Should the time come, I'm to be your daughter's torturer." (Utopia, S02E01)
  • 24 Season Grade: B
  • Palpatine! (Utopia, S02E02)


(Matador, S01E01)

  • "Mention this gravestone for a 15% discount." (Nathan For You, S02E03)
  • "Asian, black, Hispanic, old." (Nathan For You, S02E03)
  • "I like Call of Duty and pussy." (The Bridge, S02E02)


(Loiter Squad, S03E10)

  • Loiter Squad Season Grade: C+
  • "What's your dog called?"
    "Piano."
    "Right. Is it, um, really called 'Piano'?"
    "What do you think?"
    [pause] (Friday Night Dinner, S03E05)

#clipoftheweek


Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier?

// TAIPEI, TAIWAN


"Hey! No photographs!"


(Wufenpu)

Oops.

I'm not sure if she feared me stealing her "Freakish Pringles" design, or if she feared Pringles seeing a photograph of it on the Internet.



(Shilin Night Market)

I saw this shirt on display outside a store but alas, could not find one inside.



(Ximending)

I regret not stopping in to see what jeans for aggressive women look like.



(Shilin Night Market)

Extreme knock-off.



(Wufenpu)

#replace90salbumwithcorgi