Previously on Adam Riff™ [July 2008]:
Adam Robot informed me about a restaurant in his city that offers sandwiches that look like Fleshlights.
they cook the bread in a can
they pull the middle out and stuff all the goods in it
then you can buy the "guts" in a bag, use for soup or with chili
Among the "Clubfoot sandwich" selections:
Imitation crab, dill pickle, and bacon bits?
montana brewing company / the fieldhouse / überbrew / nara / pub station / caramel cookie waffles / big dipper ice cream / lilac / ten / tiny's tavern / pepper's bar and grill / red lodge ales brewing company / pie guys pizzeria / cafe zydeco / harper and madison / staggering ox / taco john's / pickle barrel
Angry Bird Baked Sammy (Red Lodge Ales Brewing Company)
turkey, havarti, four-pepper relish, brown mustard, chopped greens, red onion, roma tomato, on a grilled hoagie
A deeply satisfying sandwich. I'm still thinking about it.
Braised Short Rib (Lilac)
potato gnocchi, caramelized onion
The gnocchi had a pleasing pan-fried crisp exterior.
Garlic Bread (Cafe Zydeco)
Unlike any other garlic bread I've eaten.
house cut fries, smothered in bison gravy and cheese curds
Nanaimo Bar (Caramel Cookie Waffles)
Nanaimo Bar (Harper and Madison)
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Fish Tacos (The Fieldhouse)
wild halibut, cabbage, kiwi salsa, cotija, ginger crema
Pictured: The restaurant's photo, which doesn't do the tacos we were served justice. Our fish fillets were massive – easily nine inches long.
After eating a fish taco with kiwi salsa, I wonder why all fish tacos aren't topped with kiwi salsa.
House-Cut Fries (The Fieldhouse)
Tremendous fries – definitely not Sysco – with an addictive smoky ketchup.
Nacho Styx (Pie Guys Pizzeria)
taco beef, jalapeños, baked corn chips, cheddar, served with salsa and sour cream
A surprisingly delicious breadstick pizza.
Deep-Fried Bread Pudding (Cafe Zydeco)
acadian style bread pudding, topped with praline sauce and chantilly cream
Can't get the stink off
It's been hanging 'round for days
Comes like a comet
Suckered you, but not your friends
You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself, just you
You and no one else
The bread pudding wasn't so much topped with praline sauce as it was neck-deep in a bowl of praline sauce.
Pub Station is a bus station turned music venue and tap room. Macauley Culkin's pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band reportedly christened it.
Our sushi chef has a lip ring and knuckle tattoos.
I cringe when he opens a packet of Philadelphia Cream Cheese.
—Oh, bollocks! I forgot to request no cream cheese.
I will vote for whichever presidential candidate will get cream cheese the fuck out of sushi in America.
On my way to the washroom, I see a flyer for a contest to win a gun.
The Rollin' Red Specialty Roll (NaRa)
spicy tuna, cream cheese, jalapeños inside; avocado, sesame seeds out; topped with tempura lobster pieces, bacon, scallions, volcano sauce, spicy teriyaki, sriracha
A far cry from the nigiri I typically order when I eat sushi, but undeniably tasty, despite whatever cream cheese I could not extract.
Food/Travel Show Idea: Extreme Sushi Rolls. Document Taco Town Jiro nightmares like this:
Dos Eggies Specialty Roll (NaRa)
spicy tuna, jalapeño, cream cheese inside; avocado, sesame seeds out; topped with cheddar cheese, fried red onion, bacon bits, two over easy eggs, spicy teriyaki, volcano sauce
We meet at last.
Turkey and Cheese Clubfoot Sandwich (Staggering Ox)
turkey, provolone, lettuce, garlic ranch sauce
It was…better than what Adam Robot made them out to be – fine, even.
Staggering Ox's sandwiches with gyro meat are named after Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, and its tzatziki sauce is called "camel spit."
Walking Taco (Taco John's)
Evokes a Frito pie, but eats like food waste.
A taco is inherently portable. You can eat a taco while walking. Stuff a specialty sushi roll in a bag instead – The Walkin' Red.
CUZ BUBBA DON'T EAT TOFU! (Redneck Pizza)
Aaaand the recent re-brand:
From Little Lord Foxworthy to Larry the Cable Guy.
Steak/Chop Salt Flight (Stacked)
truffle salt, black smoked sea salt, red hawaiian salt
Flying Saucer (King's Hat Drive-In)
King's Hat is a fast food drive-through known for its sealed burgers.
You can also add rum flavouring or a hint of cinnamon to any beverage on its menu.