His Breath Smell Like Uno Cards

SEATBELT PSYCHIC surprises unsuspecting ride-share passengers with readings featuring world-renowned medium Thomas John.

Cash Cab.
Cash Cab but with karaoke.
Cash Cab but with psychic readings.

What else?

uberPOOL Escape Room: Work together with strangers to unlock the passenger doors of a limousine.

Megabus Murder Mystery: Most of the passengers on the bus are hired actors.

TLC's DR. PIMPLE POPPER, featuring Instagram and YouTube's popular dermatologist Dr. Sandra Lee, will premiere on Wednesday, July 11.

Same day as Seatbelt Psychic.

Lee is tasked with removing life-altering growths from her patients' skin so they can try to reclaim their lives.

Join the conversation on social media by using the hashtag #DrPimplePopper, and 'Like' Dr. Pimple Popper: This Is Zit on Facebook.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

25. Pony Play (Desus and Mero, 06-20-18)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

(Claws, S02E02)

  • ♫: Awkwafina – "My Vag" (Claws, S02E02)
  • "Humans will always choose what they understand over what they do not. But the only animals left in this world are the ones who they subjugated, who curl at their feet, or those who learn to flee at the very sound of their approach. There's nothing in between." (Westworld, S02E09)
  • Joe Pera Talks With You Season Grade: B
  • Brockmire Season Grade: D

» "Well, you should get some desk candies that don't taste like medicine."
"That is my medicine."
"Oh, my god, I am so sorry! I am so sorry I ate all your medicine."
"Oh, my god…"

"Oh. Uhh, I ate her medicine, and you should probably call a doctor for her." (Detroiters, S02E01)

(Luke Cage, S02E01)

(Luke Cage, S02E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Joe Pera Talks With You


Looking forward:

Sharp Objects = from the writer of Gone Girl
Mostly 4 Millennials = from Eric Andre
Dark Tourist = from the journo behind Tickled
Disenchantment = from Matt Groening
Castle Rock = Stephen King-dom Hearts

Penis Hernandez

Combine your zodiac symbol with your Chinese zodiac animal.

A: Dog scales. Meh.

Dragon produces the best combinations.

Libra + Dragon = Dragon scale.
Gemini + Dragon = Jackie Chan film or NES beat-'em-up game.
Virgo + Dragon = Daenerys Targaryen.

Napoleon Dynamite's favourite animal = Leo + Tiger.

Haribo variant or Metal Gear Solid remake for Gamecube = Gemini + Snake.

Mortal kombatants = Scorpio + Snake.

An unbelievable story = Rooster + Taurus.

Against the groin = Rooster + Aquarius. Water bearer = cup.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

24. Haller vs. Farouk (Legion, S02E11)

♫: "Behind Blue Eyes" in Farsi

Stray Observations

Stray Observations

  • "What about monsoons?"
    » [WHAT ABOUT MONSOONS?] (Ghosted, S01E10)
  • ♫: HAIM – "The Wire" (Ghosted, S01E10)
  • "Tonight is important night. We are trying to book Milo Yiannopoulos to DJ a baby shower." (Claws, S02E01)
  • ♫: Bryan Ferry – "Slave to Love" (Pose, S01E02)
  • "You talking about dreams? Aspirations? Those are only words that only last in the suburbs." (Pose, S01E02)
  • "What are you?"
    "I'm no one. I want what I'm supposed to want, I wear what I'm supposed to wear, and I work where I'm supposed to work. I stand for nothing. I've never fought in a war, and I probably won't ever have to, 'cause the next one's gonna kill us all. I can buy things I can't afford, which means they're never really mine. I don't live. I don't believe. I accumulate. I'm a brand – a middle-class white guy. But you're who you are even though the price you pay for it is being disinvited from the rest of the world. I'm the one playing dress-up. Is it wrong to want to be with one of the few people in the world who isn't, to have one person in my life who I know is real?" (Pose, S01E02)
  • "Is your driver going uptown?"
    "Yes. Subway's two blocks away." (Pose, S01E02)
  • ♫: Piano "Heart-Shaped Box" (Westworld, S02E08)
  • "My pain was selfish, because it was never only mine. For every body in this place, there was someone who mourned their loss, even if they didn't know why. We were all bound together, the living and the damned." (Westworld, S02E08)
  • "Everybody's probably doing a cool new dance move."
    » [raising the roof] (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E07)
  • "I just wonder what colour underwear I need to wear to get my New Year's wish: a commercial deli slicer." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E07)
  • "Pera's Four Stages of Watching Fireworks" (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E07)
  • "Maybe I'm wrong, but I bet that even Chinese tech billionaire Jack Ma imagines what life would be like if he were Indian tech billionaire Shiv Nadar." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E07)
  • David, Divad, and DVD (Legion, S02E11)
  • ♫: Jeff Russo and Noah Hawley – "Nothin' in the World Can Stop Me Worryin' 'Bout That Girl" (Legion, S02E11)
  • Rape? (Legion, S02E11)
  • Legion Season Grade: C
  • Pictorial schedule (The Handmaid's Tale, S02E09)
  • "Milk, lavender, anise, White Yarrow. What, are we gonna forage into the woods or something?"
    "Hm. There's a place you can go to get all these things."
    "Where is that?"
    » [Whole Foods] (Cloak and Dagger, S01E03)
  • ♫: Alex Da Kid and Joseph Angel – "American Funeral" (Cloak and Dagger, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Joe Pera Talks With You


Meme Lord

The player character is a bottlenose dolphin who travels through time to combat hostile extraterrestrials in Earth's oceans and on an alien spacecraft.

That's the premise of Ecco the Dolphin?!

I never played it.

Maneater is a Single-Player Action RPG, set in the unforgiving waters of the Gulf Coast.

Play as a giant Bull Shark and terrorize the coastal waterways. Tear swimmers and divers limb from limb, give the humans a reason to fear you.

Experience a compelling tale of revenge centered around a human who slaughtered your mother and left you for dead. The ocean isn't big enough for both of you.

On Thursday, June 21 the Fresno Grizzlies will rebrand for one game as the Zamunda Lions.

Coming. to. America. night.

A first-base concession stand will be transformed into McDowell's.


Gluten Classico

I bought of pack of Cherry Cola Oreos to try and now have a bunch of Cherry Cola-flavoured Oreos that I don't want to eat but don't want to bin either.

Idea: Samplr – a service that allows you to sample any non-perishable or non-frozen item you see in a supermarket.

1. Photograph items you wish to sample with Samplr's app.
2. Check out.
3. Receive a box of samples in the mail.

Pay per box. $5 per box, including shipping. Check-out minimum is seven items. $0.50 for each additional item. Maximum 12 samples per box.

Idea: MoviePass for fast food. Enjoy any one fast food item per day for a flat monthly fee. Plus, try any new fast food item at no cost.

Idea: A grim and gritty reboot of Austin Powers to ouroboros Daniel Craig's Bond films. Domhnall Gleeson as Austin Powers.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

23. Beastie Boys – "An Open Letter to NYC" (Succession, S01E01)

Clip of the year?

Honourable Mention

  • Joe Pera discovers "Baby O'Riley" (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • "Please don't do this. It's embarrassing."
    "We do not have the luxury of shame." (Pose S01E01)
  • "Whitney!" (Pose S01E01)
  • "I don't think God rested on the seventh day, Bernard. I think he reveled in his creation knowing that someday it would all be destroyed." (Westworld S02E07)
  • ♫: Beethoven's "Allegretto" (Westworld S02E07)
  • "When the Great Library burned, the first 10,000 years of stories were reduced to ash, but those stories never really perished. They became a new story, the story of the fire itself, of man's urge to take a thing of beauty and strike the match." (Westworld S02E07)
  • ♫: Nicholas Britell's score (Succession S01E01)
  • "[…] Or perhaps your debut album is coming out tomorrow, and you're worried that people will say you're ripping off Bruce Springsteen, but you're nothing like Bruce Springsteen. You're not from New Jersey; you're from Delaware. You make dubstep. You hair's been thinning for years. You're five foot one inch tall. You have no teeth; you're all gums. Your microphone is just an old vacuum cleaner. Your perform on your hands and knees, and you sing about Fashion Week." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E05)
  • "Sorry to get down on dominoes, but it's one of my core beliefs that you shouldn't waste kinetic energy." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E05)
  • "You don't have to be a music teacher to have you breath taken way. There's a lot of nice stuff that can do that, like a really good lightning; great water pressure; when you almost die, but then you survive; the flavour of a pineapple; […] when you open a box and your grief counselor is inside." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E05)
  • Comic Legion (Legion, S02E10)
  • ♫: Radiohead – "True Love Waits" (Legion, S02E10)
  • "Legion, the world killer." (Legion, S02E10)
  • ♫: Lowpass Lushes – "Bout to Do It [feat. First Class]" (The Last O.G., S01E10)
  • The Last O.G. Season Grade: D
  • ♫: Jai Wolf – "Starlight [feat. Mr Gabriel]" (Cloak and Dagger, S01E01)
  • ♫: Blur – "Tender" (Patrick Melrose, S01E05)
  • Patrick Melrose Season Grade: C
  • "What are you doing in there, Barry?"
    "Legally, it's the only place they can't record you when you talk to inmates."
    "I don't think that's true."
    "Really? I got the worst fucking clients." (Arrested Development, S05E05)
  • The Howards (Arrested Development, S05E06)
  • "I will not let that woman steal everything I've taken from her." (Arrested Development, S05E07)
  • "We are the Mexican Romneys!"
    "♫ Mexican Romney Family…" (Arrested Development, S05E07)
  • "I mean, the problem was, like you said, that we couldn't be together without branding each other's taint." (Arrested Development, S05E08)
  • "Should I tell her that my son and my niece were playing Ron and Brian?" (Arrested Development, S05E08)
  • Arrested Development Season Grade: F

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Joe Pera Talks With You


Eater's Digest: Chicago 3

Previously on Adam Riff™:

April 2018
honey butter fried chicken / fort willow / the delta / mott street / antique taco / cellar door provisions / s.k.y. / piece / proxi / saint lou's assembly / roister / bonci / minghin cuisine / smoque bbq / tribecca's cubano / the budlong / kimski / elske / chicken planet / seoul taco / s.k.y. / carnitas uruapan / pizzeria bebu / herb n' kitchen / sultan's market / shake shack / panes bread cafe / hotchocolate bakery / old habits at ludlow liquors / wyler road / sultan's market / split rail / tempesta market / saint lou's assembly / piece / the publican

Whole Chicken and Chamomile (Roister)
braised, poached, fried; with sunchokes

^ 1. A whole chicken, which was fed scraps from Manhattan's most prestigious restaurants, is butchered and brined for 24 hours in sweetened chamomile tea.

2. The thighs are deboned, brined in buttermilk, and fried. A double dredging in seasoned corn starch, buttermilk, and flour ends with a deep tissue massage for each thigh. The final touch is a sprinkling of spice blend made with chamomile tea, salt, MSG, sugar, and pepper.

3. Breasts are seared in a cast iron skillet in the 900-degree hearth until juicy on the inside and charred almost black on the outside.

4. Legs are cooked sous-vide in chicken fat before they are tossed with sunchokes, onions, celery, and sunflower seeds to make chicken salad.

Served with chicken gravy and a white, hot sauce made from sunchokes that have been steeped with habanero chiles.

Hot Chicken (The Budlong)
served with texas toast and budlong pickles

^ Awesomely crisp.

Organic Fried Chicken (S.K.Y.)
fermented habanero hot sauce, creamed corn

^ More swell fried chicken. Not sure about its accompaniments.

Spicy Chicken Parm Sandwich (Honey Butter Fried Chicken)
fried chicken strips, calabrian chile pimento cheese, spicy tomato sauce, basil, buttery bun
—Mine was delivered with mozzarella cheese instead of Calabrian chile pimento cheese [grumbling], but it was still yummy.

Chicken Salad Sandwich (Wyler Road)
chicken breast, fried chicken skin, chimichurri, sour grape jam, sprouts, whole grain
—I tasted peanut butter? – and kinda dug it.

(Fort Willow)'s interior "tree"

Braaibroodjie (Fort Willow)
sharp cheddar cheese, peach chutney, and red onion; south african spice-rubbed lamb ribs on the side

^ A South African grilled cheese.

The #99 – D.D. Brindisi Grand Avenue Pastrami (Tempesta Market)
our incomparable house wagyu beef pastrami [time, brine, molasses, love, smoke, and calabrian pepper] with bread and butter pickles, swiss, and remoulade, griddled on rye

^ Fry hard.

The Dante (Tempesta Market)
hot soppressata, mortadella, finocchiona, hot coppa, porchetta, provolone, giardiniera, 'nduja aioli, lettuce, and tomato on a baguette

^ Six Italian meats in one.

Jim Shoe Tamale (The Delta)
lamb and beef tamale, house-made pastrami, giardiniera, provolone, daf sauce, l.t.o.

^ A Jim/Gym Shoe is a Chicago sandwich featuring gyro meat, roast beef, and corned beef. (The Delta)'s play on it is a large tamale filled with lamb and beef, garnished with pastrami in corned beef's stead. Easy on the sauce, chef.

Tacos Dorados de Sesos (Carnitas Uruapan)
crispy tacos filled with spicy pork brain, onion, cilantro, and jalapeño

^ I couldn't stop eating these deep-fried pig brain tacos. Watch for toothpicks.

Kimchi and Oaxaca Empanadas (Mott Street)
masa shell; served with chimichurri crème fraîche

Bread (Mott Street)
potato and onion bread, leek-curry butter, soft baked egg

Mott Burger (Mott Street)
double chuck patties, sweet potato shoestrings, hoisin aioli, pickled jalapeños, dill pickles, miso butter, american cheese

^ One of the best burgers, if not the best burger, in Chicago? I guess…

Everything Wings (Mott Street)
crispy wings glazed with soy, jaggery, and dried chilis; tossed with sesame, poppy seed, fried shallots; served with tzatziki

Crab Dragoon (Old Habits at Ludlow Liquors)
crab meat, everything crm chz, scallions

^ Crab rangoon repulses me, but sometimes opposites attract?

Veggrolls (Old Habits at Ludlow Liquors)
curried potato, english peas, coriander chutney

^ Aloo samosas, basically.

Filipino Egg Rolls (Old Habits at Ludlow Liquors)
beef, pork, spam, patis

Jon: Rum ham? Like on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia?
Server: Yes.

Pinoy D'lite (Old Habits at Ludlow Liquors)
adobo pork shoulder, white rice, rum ham, mung beans
—Fried rice served in a Chinese take-out container. The rum ham was disappointingly just a sprinkling of rum ham bits.

Chicago Rib Tips (Old Habits at Ludlow Liquors)
classic smoked rib tips en su jugo, crispy belly tips, cheesed flour tortilla, seeded mirepoix slaw

Frensch Cut Fries (Old Habits at Ludlow Liquors)
beef gravy [served warm], malted vanilla ice cream [served cold]

^ Gravy and ice cream as dipping sauces.

Yukon Fries (Roister)
soy-dusted, bonito flakes, tofu mayo

^ Thick-cut fries stink.

(Kimski) is dubious Korean-Polish fusion.

Kimski Poutine (Kimski)
fries dressed with kimchi beer gravy, pan-fried wisconsin cheese curds; topped with pickled onions, scallions, and sesame leaves

^ I approve of this kimchi beer gravy.

Maria's Standard (Kimski)
house polish sausage, soju mustard, buns from spoken bird in pilsen, kraut chi made with co-op, scallions, sesame seeds; comes with a side of fries

^ Soju mustard, however, ain't it.

Scallion Potato Pancakes (Kimski)
house-made batter, scallions, grated potato with dill; served with kimchi slaw and drizzled with tamari sour cream sauce, scallions

^ At least you tried.

Cacio Pepe Pizza (Bonci)
onion, provolone cheese, pecorino cheese, pepper

Sausage and Broccoli Rabe Pizza (Pizzeria Bebu)
house-made italian sausage, mozzarella, broccoli rabe, ricotta

Pepperoni Pizza (Pizzeria Bebu)
parmesan, mozzarella, garlic, calabrian chile, basil

Taleggio Pizza (Pizzeria Bebu)
panna, pistachio, calabrian honey, chive

Aged Cheddar Rillettes (Roister)
truffle, cauliflower, fry bread

^ Adding cauliflower to a cheese spread for texture? Hey, it works!

Habanero Popcorn (Antique Taco)
olive oil, habanero cheddar powder

Adobo Corn Nuts (Saint Lou's Assembly)
crispy maiz
—Come with chicharrones, for some reason.

Tempura Elotes (Proxi)

^ Curious corn fritters – cob-less elote.

Cobia (Proxi)
coconut, turmeric, curry leaf
—A fish fillet in a delectable thick curry sauce.

Meat Cone (Tempesta Market)

^ Portable charcuterie.

Chef's Menu (The Publican)
—R.I.P. (The Publican)'s omakase? A stellar value for $65. None of the 10 or so courses I was served was particularly interesting, but most everything was delicious.

(Cellar Door Provisions)' $42 prix fixe dinner for 4.13-4.14:

Snacks (Cellar Door Provisions)
pepita dip, zhoug, brined beets and carrots green strawberry, briny butter, cabbage slaw

^ My first experience with zhoug. Spicy!

Trout Crudo (Cellar Door Provisions)
salted turnip, grapefruit, sunflower

Buttermilk Beet Soup (Cellar Door Provisions)
all herbed out

Agnolotti (Cellar Door Provisions)

+$22 Supplement: Half Chicken (Cellar Door Provisions)
sprouted hummus

Roasted Carrot Ice Cream (Cellar Door Provisions)
farro shortbread, citrus curd

Banana Budino (S.K.Y.)
vanilla, cocoa nib granola, bourbon

^ So scrumptious, I ate it four separate times while in Chicago. Its base is vanilla pudding and banana purée, unmixed.

Chocolate Pizza (Piece)
a 12" crust topped with our house chocolate hazelnut sauce and mascarpone cheese

Jon: The mousse tastes like hay? Like, dried grass hay?
Server: Yes.

Frozen Hay Mousse (Elske)
with rhubarb

^ The mousse indeed tasted like hay.

Sunflower Seed Parfait (Elske)
with sour honey, licorice, and bee pollen

^ A revelation. That round mound of bee pollen is an ingenious "crust."

Foie Gras Candy Bar (Roister)
black walnuts, pretzel, caramel

^ Too much unseared foie gras for me. I never learn.

Griddle Rum Cake Donut (Tribecca's Cubano)

Chocolate Coca-Cola Cake (Panes Bread Cafe)
goat's milk caramel, cream cheese frosting


The Bomb (Kaiser Tiger)
5 lbs. of spicy beef and pork sausage stuffed with pepper bacon and wrapped in a brown sugar bacon weave; cooked for hours on the smoker and served with fresh cut fries, buns, pepper jack cheese, onion, lettuce, tomato, and bbq sauce

Bone Marrow Cornbread (Cellar Door Provisions)
pork, pickled onion, herbs

Chicken Fried Rutabaga (Daisies)
country gravy, ramps two ways

Pork Ribs (The Delta)
paprika caramel, crème fraîche, crispy allium

PBT! (Monteverde)
prosciutto butter, radish, seeded rye toast, lemon marmellata

Foie Gras Bibimbap (S.K.Y.)
charred vegetables, mushroom bulgogi

Muffaletta (Tempesta Market)

Southside Johnny (Tempesta Market)
porchetta, brun-uusto, broccolini, chimichurri, cheese, pickled fennel, with rosemary broth, on sourdough

Nancy's Kahlua Cake with Rhubarb Preserves (Daisies)

Warm Beignets (Gideon Sweet)
parsnip cream, fleur de cao

Choco-Banana (Mott Street)
thai baby banana dipped in chocolate, roasted szechuan peppercorn peanuts

Bolo Brigadeiro (Tack Room)
chocolate sponge cake, brazilian fudge, candied coconut, cashew snap, tonka bean ice cream

Wattleseed Pavlova (Tack Room)
wattleseed ice cream, lemon myrtle meringue, honey-white chocolate mousse, tropical fruit, macadamia nuts

Tiramisu Cruller (Tack Room)
hamilton rum-soaked vanilla orange cruller, whipped mascarpone cheese, espresso chicory gelato, caramel, passion fruit, hints of cocoa

Barter Brownie (HotChocolate Bakery)

^ Half doughy brownie, half cocoa rice brittle.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

22. Garage Confrontation (The Americans, S06E10)

The whole scene is too long to excerpt in full.

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Killing Eve Season Grade: B
  • "Oh, the Greeks will take me on. They will. But I'm not a government. I'm just money. Pure money. And I can do whatever I want." (Trust S01E10)
  • Trust Season Grade: C

(Joe Pera Talks With You S01E03)

  • "You're a true showman, Brad, like Tom Bergeron." (Joe Pera Talks With You S01E04)
  • ♫: Nicolas Jaar – "Space Is Only Noise If You Can See" (Legion, S02E09)
  • "Buenas tardes, bitches!" (Legion, S02E09)
  • RT: MCU: Mmmm all our characters are straight but we'll get gay characters eventually. :)
    Fox: Aubrey Plaza is a psychic lesbian demon and she eats ass. (Legion, S02E09)
  • ♫: E-40 – "Choices [Yup]" (The Last O.G., S01E09)
  • McDonald's (The Americans, S06E10)
  • Renee (The Americans, S06E10)
  • The Americans Season Grade: C
  • "♫ Mr. Efe…" (Arrested Development, S05E02)
  • "It's probably just because I'm younger – a puta." (Arrested Development, S05E03)
  • Transparent filming location (Arrested Development, S05E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry


Pants DJ

Jon: "WrestleMania 20 (feat. Anderson .Paak)"
Jon: What is this?
Rory: Westside Gunn's new album Chris Benoit
Jon: [pause]

Rory: The cover:

Wikipedia » Westside Gunn » Mixtapes:

Hitler Wears Hermes (2012)
Hitler Wears Hermes II (2014)
Hitler Wears Hermes III (2015)
Hitler Wears Hermes IV (2016)
Hitler On Steroids (2017)
Hitler Wears Hermes V (2017)

That is a normal collar

Previously on Adam Riff™: Proposed NBA Playoffs Improvements

The two teams in the NBA Finals get to add one player from each team their opponent vanquished on its road to the Finals.

So, for example: The Cavaliers add Karl-Anthony Towns, Donovan Mitchell, and Steph Curry to its bench for an NBA Finals against the Rockets.

If you're tired of Cavaliers vs. Warriors, perhaps I can interest you in

Cavaliers (+ James Harden + Anthony Davis + LaMarcus Aldridge)
vs. Warriors (+ Victor Oladipo + DeMar DeRozan + Jayson Tatum).

Warriors -1000 (Cavs +650) becomes, oh, Warriors -190 (Cavs +300).

Quick break to talk about ZipRecruiter

Wikipedia » Kyle Korver » Personal life:

Kyle has three brothers, Klayton, Kaleb and Kirk.

Korver's father, Kevin
Korver's uncle, Kris
His cousin Kari
Daughter, Kyra
first boy, Knox
second son, Koen

I assume none of their middle initials are K.

The Duggars are all Js.
The Korvers are all Ks.
The Balls are all Ls.

M… M…

Rory: The Holyfields are all Es.

Wikipedia » Lance Stephenson » Personal life:

Lance is the son of Lance Sr. He has a younger brother named Lantz.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

21. The Perfect Egg Bite (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E02)

Honourable Mention

  • The Allegory of the Cave (Legion, S02E08)

Stray Observations

  • "'Sup? I'm Mathy Kathy from the mean streets of Fraction Town. Sure, math is tough, but so am I. Listen, kid, sometimes on the streets, stuff doesn't add up. Things can get negative." (Bob's Burgers, S08E20)
  • ♫: "Burobu Theme" (Bob's Burgers, S08E20)
  • "I would marry you on the G train in the summertime when the air conditioning is broken."
    "Damn, really?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E22)
  • "Huh. I have a wife! I finally know how Borat feels." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E22)
  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season Grade: C
  • "Can't you say something to them?"
    "I'm from Hong Kong, asshole." (Westworld, S02E05)
  • Sodegarami (Westworld, S02E05)
  • ♫: Wu-Tang Clan – "C.R.E.A.M." (Westworld, S02E05)
  • ♫: "I Do" (Bob's Burgers, S08E21)
  • Bob's Burgers Season Grade: D
  • Rob Brydon as Richard Nixon (Trust, S01E09)
  • "Are you alive?"
    "I exist in their machine, preserved. Is that alive?" (Legion, S02E08)
  • "Gustavo, you are ruining my cold cut tray." (The Last O.G., S01E08)
  • "You're a whore. Does dad know he married a whore?" (The Americans, S06E09)
  • ♫: APM Music – "New Orleans Funeral" (Brockmire, S02E05)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry


Violent Animals of MS-13

They changed the synopsis!


Idea: A remake of Cool Hand Luke in which Luke is an undocumented DREAMer who refuses to be broken by sadistic guards in a detention facility.

And now, a brief history of Mark Romanek not following through:

2003: Mark Romanek to Direct A Cold Case
2005: Mark Romanek to Direct A Million Little Pieces
2007: Mark Romanek to Direct The Wolfman
2010: Mark Romanek to Direct A Parking Ticket
2011: Mark Romanek to Direct Live-Action Cinderella
2011: Mark Romanek to Direct The Da Vinci Code Sequel
2014: Mark Romanek to Direct Boston Strangler
2014: Mark Romanek to Direct The Shining Prequel
2015: Mark Romanek to Direct Blackbird
2015: Mark Romanek to Direct Norco
2016: Mark Romanek to Direct Septillion to One

Sex gifs

Idea: A wrestling battle royal that's won by earning the most points.

3 points for everyone you eliminate over the top rope, 2 points for everyone you eliminate over the middle rope, 1 point for everyone you eliminate over the bottom rope.

You can be eliminated from the battle royal and still win it.

Roman Reigns and Cody Rhodes are the last two standing. Reigns needs 3 points to beat Brock Lesnar's total, but Cody only needs 1.

Idea: A wrestling match in which a title hangs above the ring, and the longer you pin down or hold an opponent in a submission, the lower the title descends for you to grab. Once said opponent kicks out or breaks your hold, the title retracts up.

Eater's Digest: Billings, MT 2

Previously on Adam Riff™ (Aug 2015):


Flying Saucer (King's Hat Drive-In)
King's Hat is a fast food drive-through known for its sealed burgers.

April 2018
king's hat drive-in / wilcoxson's ice cream / camelot ranch / the burger dive / topz sandwich company / caramel cookie waffles / pie guys pizzeria / lilac / walkers

Aaaaaat laaaaaaaaaast…

Flying Burger (King's Hat Drive-In)

^ Reminded me of an elementary school hot lunch McDonald's hamburger.

Fries (King's Hat Drive-In)
—How are these fresh-cut fries so much better than In-N-Out's?

Huckleberry Ice Cream Sandwich (Wilcoxson's Ice Cream)

Adam Robot's Wedding Cake (Oceanias Confections)
chocolate, lemon, raspberry
—Damn good cake.

The "Best of the Bash" Burger (The Burger Dive)
blackened seasoning, smooth goat cheese, bacon, onion ring, arugula, sriracha sauce, garlic basil mayonnaise

It took "the best of the bash" at the prestigious Food Network South Beach Wine and Food Festival Burger Bash.

^ Best at failing its murderer's row of components.

"San Fran Fries" Garlic Fries (The Burger Dive)
shredded parmesan cheese, garlic, fresh parsley, olive oil
—You, sir, are no San Fran garlic fries.

Is this, like, a Mexican cheesesteak?

Beef Queso Sandwich (TopZ Sandwich Company)
hot roast beef topped with jalapeños and our white cheddar queso, toasted

^ The queso was bland, and its blandness overwhelmed everything else.

(TopZ)'s "unique" house chips are store-bought tortilla rounds dusted in garlic powder?

They, too, were bland.

Oh, a play on a Reuben.

Pastrami-Smoked Pork Belly (Lilac)
beer-glazed brussels sprouts, rye gruyère crumble, gochujang russian dressing

^ Disappointingly more of a Brussels sprouts dish with bits of pork belly.

Tuna Tartare (Lilac)
chili vinaigrette, shaved foie gras, pickled cucumber

^ Perplexing. Seemingly unseasoned raw tuna covered in shaved liver with pickled cucumber on the side?

Pretzels and Popcorn (Lilac)
salted soft pretzels, caramel sauce, aged white cheddar, popcorn ice cream

^ Popcorn-flavoured ice cream covered in shaved cheese with soft pretzels on the side, on the other hand, is [Italian chef kiss].

Bourbon Street Pasta (Walkers)
linguine pasta, sweet peppers, tomatoes, andouille sausage, roasted chicken, shrimp
—I did not expect this to be light. A Cajun pasta with no cream sauce?

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Black Forest Cheesecake (Walkers)
chocolate cheesecake, flathead cherry gel, white chocolate crémeux, chocolate soil
–I did not expect this to be deconstructed. Wyd, (Walkers) chefs?

Pear Mule (Walkers)
pear absolut, crushed basil, lime, ginger beer


The "I'm Your Huckleberry" Burger (The Burger Dive)
world food championships "burger champion" burger, huckleberry hatch chili barbecue sauce, bacon, goat cheese, arugula, roasted red pepper mayo

The "Date with Jim Beam and Coke" Burger (The Burger Dive)
world food championships "burger champion" burger, bourbon date and coke barbecue sauce, roasted garlic, arugula, smoked gouda, garlic basil mayo


Karate Artery

Jon: guh
Jon: i prefer the brighter blue frames, but worry that i'll look like graham elliot

Drew: do they come in clear?
Jon: yes, but one of my co-workers wears clear glasses
Jon: i don't want to seem like i'm single white female-ing him

Drew: there are no brick and mortar places near you that carry them?
Jon: maybe the darker blue frames…

Jon: i can't return prescription glasses that i order online, but i could order both frames without lenses, return one, and lens the frames i kept at, like, costco

Jon: $166 for both frames
Jon: 10% restocking fee
Jon: $25 for costco to lens an outside frame
Jon: single vision lenses starting at $60
Drew: it might be cheaper to buy both frames with lenses and keep them both

Drew: michelle suggests that an army green color would go well with your skin tone and coloring
Drew: not sure if that is racist or not