Not anymore, Jews

Do you trust weed from a stranger?
You know, I was in San Francisco with a buddy of mine, just traveling with me for something, for an event, he was my plus one, and uh, I don't really smoke weed but he does, and he was like, "Ugh, I didn't make weed arrangements." And we were walking in Union Square and I said, "Let's see if I can get us some weed," and I just said, "Yo, where my weed at?" like loud, and a joint appeared. I was like weed Merlin. No, weed David Copperfield. I was pretty impressed, I did it twice at different points in the day. It would take me a few minutes, but I'm sure I could get us some weed if you wanted some.

This fall on ABC: John Cho is…Weed Merlin.

Would you want to be a superhero?
I don't particularly want to diet. Or work out like crazy.

Seriously, though… Breaking Bad, but Walter is a struggling magician and Jesse a former assistant of his. Instead of making drugs, they traffic drugs.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

30. Thanks, Obama (Fleabag, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "You want Jew time? Do a Jew crime." (The Night Of, S01E02)
  • "She got her master's from Berkeley."
    "Yeah, I bet she went to Berkeley, and I'm pretty affirmative how she got in." (Vice Principals, S01E01)
  • "I am the scream in your mind." (Mr. Robot, S02E03)
  • Dominique's sex chat buddy is "happyhardonhenry806," a nod to Christian Slater's pirate radio DJ in Pump Up the Volume (Mr. Robot, S02E03)
  • "All we are to them are paying fanboys of their poorly-written sci-fi franchise." (Mr. Robot, S02E03)
  • "You know that bullshit people say about how, when you fall, you gotta get up? I reject that shit, man. You know why? The whole thing is a fall. It can't help but be. A perpetual state of grasping in the dark. It's not about getting up, it's about stumbling, stumbling in the right direction. It's the only true way to move forward." (Mr. Robot, S02E03)
  • "He's like a blog that nobody reads, but in human form." (Looking, S03E01)
  • ♫: Lower Dens – "I Get Nervous" (Looking, S03E01)
  • Looking Season Grade: C+
  • Jimmy Kimmel? (Trailer Park Boys, S10E06)
  • Doug Benson? (Trailer Park Boys, S10E07)
  • "Let's go buy some cocks of pepperoni!" (Trailer Park Boys, S10E07)
  • "He was feeding the geese." (Trailer Park Boys, S10E08)
  • "I'm not gonna fall in love with Tom Arnold because I love you." (Trailer Park Boys, S10E08)
  • "Ricky thinks small cocks are funnier." (Trailer Park Boys, S10E10)
  • ♫: Nightingale Cummings – "Maybe Tomorrow" (Trailer Park Boys, S10E10)
  • Trailer Park Boys Season Grade: C

(BoJack Horseman, S03E10)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Veep


I am fine with where I am now

Those posters look kinda similar.

Who directed Nerve?

Oh. The directors of Catfish.

Wait, the directors of Nerve also directed Viral?

Huh. They directed two films being released in the same week — and both star Machine Gun Kelly.

Jon: Idea: Snapchat Answers to Stupid Questions.

Rory: Is Al Jaffee still alive?
Jon: Yup.
Jon: A surprising number of Mad's "usual gang of idiots" from our youth are still alive.
Jon: It's possible they could outlive Mad.

Idea: A colourblind Instagram filter. How someone who is colourblind sees the image.

Acknowledge Lucifer

Jon: That's his actual IMDb bio?!
Rory: His name is misspelled right below the correct spelling of his name – amazing.

This Wednesday July 20th at 1pm EST Golden Globe nominated actress Evangeline Lilly (Lost, The Hobbit, Ant-Man), popular punk band Anti-Flag frontman Justin Sane, Jonny 5 of the Denver-based hip-hop outfit Flobots, and famed political pollster Dr. Stanley Greenberg, will hold a press conference via phone for the kick-off of the nationwide Rock Against the TPP tour, a series of large-scale concerts, teach-ins, and protests mobilizing to raise awareness about the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) agreement. [source]

August 19: Seattle, WA w/ Talib Kweli, Anti-Flag, Evangeline Lilly + more

Talib Kweli, Anti-Flag, and Evangeline Lilly walk into a bar…

Jon: Imagine presidential elections as shoot tag team wrestling matches.

Jon: Obama/Biden vs. Romney/Ryan – who wins?
Rory: Dude…
Rory: Paul Ryan is like an American Gladiator.
Rory: Romney/Ryan mop the floor with Obama/Biden.

Jon: Obama/Biden vs. McCain/Palin – who wins?
Rory: I think Biden and McCain are a wash.
Rory: McCain literally can't raise his arms above his shoulders.
Jon: But his partner is a self-proclaimed "mama grizzly."
Rory: I give Obama/Biden the edge.

Jon: Bush/Cheney vs. Gore/Lieberman – who wins?
Rory: Oof. Tough one.
Rory: Gore is the strongest of the four, but Lieberman is by far the weakest.
Rory: I give it to Bush/Cheney. Dirty tricks from Cheney.

Jon: Trump/Pence vs. Clinton/TBA vs. Cruz/Fiorina in a tables, ladders, and chairs match.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

29. Two turnips in heat (Trailer Park Boys, S10E03)

Stray Observations

(Brad Neely's Harg Nallin' Sclopio Peepio, S01E01)

  • Joey Bada$$ discussing Seinfeld (Mr. Robot, S02E01)
  • "A guy walks up to a woman at a bar. He flirts with her, he makes small talk, but the woman insists she isn't gonna go home with him. Guy says, 'What if I offer you a million dollars to sleep with me?' The woman's never had a million dollars in her life. She stops and considers the offer very seriously. The guy changes his mind, says, 'What if I change my offer to a dollar instead?' Woman is aghast. 'What kind of woman do you think I am?' Guy says, 'We already figured that out. Now we're just negotiating.'" (Mr. Robot, S02E02)
  • "I'm late for my church group. Peace." (Mr. Robot, S02E02)
  • Al Jardine (Decker: Unclassified, S01E04)
  • "Trumpets make you go brown." (Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule, S04E04)
  • "Jesus, boys, he's eating ground pizza." (Trailer Park Boys, S10E04)
  • "Well, that's a cobra strike to all of our erect wangs!" (Trailer Park Boys, S10E04)
  • ♫: Joy Division – "Atmosphere" (Stranger Things, S01E04)
  • Stranger Things Season Grade: B+

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Veep


Either get diplomas or a tool

Rory: Okay, this is the first showcase: The line-up for Beach Goth V!

Jon: Gucci Mane?!
Jon: TLC? That TLC?
Jon: Reel Big Fish, 2 Live Crew…
Rory: Bid or pass?
Jon: Oh, bid, for sure.

Rory: Alright, this is the showcase you passed up: The line-up for OZY Fusion Fest – where "TED will meet Coachella"!

Jon: [snorts] OZY bedroom set, amirite?

Jesus to my left, the Holland Tunnel on my right

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I am chuffed to present Backwash, a podcast by Adam Robot and I.

Episode 17:

iTunes link / Google Play Music link

1. Wedding Parties
2. TSA Pre✓ / Traveling in Fatigues
3. Green Light Honking / Saturday Night Club Radio / Shazams
4. Death Reaction Round-ups
5. MTV Upfronts / MTV Casting Calls / Armbars
6. Starbucks Secret Menu / Sysco / Tater Tots / Media Conglomeration
7. Alamo Drafthouse
8. The Moth StorySLAM: Obsession

Don't call it a comeback.

Cobbled together from three recording sessions (May 1 + May 8 + May 22).


Old Puppet

The Road Movie: A Look at Russia From Dash Cam Footage

A crazed man clinging to the front hood of a car as it speeds along a road is among the more normal images from a new film that explores Russian society as seen through the prism of dashboard cameras.

Hardcore Henry but with dash cams?

The Road Movie is a feature-length documentary.


The film, which places the viewer in the position of the anonymous drivers behind the dash-cam clips, is made of dozens of short sequences of unalloyed life in Russia.

Collected from YouTube and other websites, the documentary explores episodes that range from the sublime to the ridiculous, and all stops in between.

Never mind…

Now we're talking.

Before it became a 68-minute feature, it was uploaded in 10-second clips to lead actress Andrea Russett's Snapchat account.

Blaine and Antoine: 408 snaps in a zzz formation.


Dash Cam[!]: Invasion (2005)
Surveillance Cameras: Look (2007)
Skype: Unfriended (2014)
Snapchat: Sickhouse (2016)

Vine? Single-take Facebook Live?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

28. Respawn Rumble (Preacher, S01E06)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Cleverman Season Grade: D-
  • "Rangus is just hot brown rain." (Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule, S04E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Game of Thrones
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Veep



Rory: Okay, showcase number one: Musical entertainment at the Republican National Convention.
Rory: Bret Michaels, Rick Springfield, Kid Rock, Better Than Ezra, Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Rory: Bid or pass?
Jon: Pass.
Rory: Alright, this is your showcase: Musical entertainment at the Democratic National Convention.
Rory: Lady Gaga, Lenny Kravitz, DJ Jazzy Jeff, Snoop Dogg, Los Lobos.

Eater's Digest: Flyover Los Angeles

Previously on Adam Riff™:

I have a formidable backlog of food notes on New York City and Los Angeles dating back to May 2014 that I desperately need to clear. Some restaurants I tried have closed. Some dishes I tried are no longer available.

Phase two:

Flyover Los Angeles (May 2014 – May 2016)
amelia / atticus creamery and pies / baroo / beer belly / cafe at the line / canter's deli / cofax / commissary / coni'seafood / du-par's / the gumbo pot / homestate / kali / locol / night and market song / odys and penelope / plan check / quarters korean bbq / republique / sack / salt and straw / seoul waffle pizza / sung nong dan / short cake bakery / wolvesmouth: cut your teeth

(Baroo) was sold to me as "an oddball fermentation restaurant" and "a taste of the future."

Noorook (Baroo)
jobs tears, kamut, farro, roasted koji beet cream, concentrated kombu dashi, toasted seeds [sunflower and pumpkin] and macadamia nuts, finger lime, rose onion pickle

^ A creamy plate of mold.

Kimchi Fried Rice (Baroo)
pineapple fermented kimchi, amira basmati rice, 63°C sous vide egg, gremolata, pineapple jalapeño salsa, purple potato chip, roasted seaweed, toasted buckwheat and quinoa, micro greens

"Baroo" means "a bowl that Buddhist monks are allowed to possess and use for their meals until their last breath."

Baroo's Ragu Style (Baroo)
handmade pasta, spicy faux oxtail ragu, tendon puff, gochujang, gremolata with heirloom cherry tomatoes, krout powder, three-years-aged parmaigiano reggiano

Mocha Chip Cookie (Cafe at The Line)
—"L.A. Weekly's Best Cookie in L.A." I was skeptical, but god-DAMN…it IS the best cookie in Los Angeles.

Ritz Toffee Bar (Cafe at The Line)
—The crust contains Ritz cracker.

Pescado Zarandeado (Coni'Seafood)
grilled snook with salt and house sauce

^ Whole snook fajitas. Bring a friend or three.

Tacos de Marlin (Coni'Seafood)
smoked marlin with onion and tomato
—Another signature menu item. Too salty for me.

(Commissary) is a vegetable-forward restaurant inside a greenhouse on the pool deck of a hotel. Its cocktails are served in plastic deli containers.

At (The Gumbo Pot), a sign on the counter marketing a crawfish pie tempted me to order one, upon which an employee pulled a Hot Pockets-lookin' box out of a freezer and dropped a frozen pie in a deep fryer. -___-

Toasted Meringue Gelato (Kali)
cured egg yolk shavings

^ A stupendous dessert.

While eating it, I realized that it's a deconstructed egg.

(LocoL) is a fast food concept by Roy Choi of (Kogi BBQ) fame with the mission of bringing affordable and healthful food to low-income neighbourhoods.

On (LocoL)'s advisory board is Rene Redzepi, the chef who started (Noma) in Copenhagen, often called the best restaurant in the world.

Fried Chicken Burg (LocoL)
slaw, buttermilk mayo, hot sauce

^ I guess this was my favourite menu item…?

The chicken patty is cut with fermented bulgur, and the bun is custom-made [partly with rice flour] by San Francisco's famed Tartine Bakery.

Shout-out to the baker at (Odys and Penelope).

Previously on Adam Riff™ [May 2, 2014]:

I snagged a ticket to this next week. It was $185, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to experience a Wolvesmouth meal.


Over two years ago in a nondescript warehouse in Atwater Village, I participated in a dinner experience "exploring harvest, reproduction, and the cycle of life and death" amid a constructed landscape and taxidermy.

I sat beside a songwriter for DreamWorks Animation films.

A custom chandelier made with 7000 coyote teeth. I thought they were maggots.

The first course:

"Wolves in the Snow" (Wolvesmouth: Cut Your Teeth)
venison, pine gelée, cauliflower purée, cocoa coffee crumble, blueberry meringue, cabbage, hen of the woods mushroom, blackberry gastrique

^ Eaten with your hands.

A parade of dishes followed, set to a soundtrack that included the Twin Peaks theme song.

Halibut (Wolvesmouth: Cut Your Teeth)
pickled vegetables, jalapeño crema, poblano purée, candied lemon gelée, "tortillas" [small spheres of masa]

^ An ingeniously deconstructed fish taco.

Lurking in the background the whole meal, underneath a painting of a woman pouring honey on her naked self, was a honey dessert:

Honey Steamed Cake (Wolvesmouth: Cut Your Teeth)
honey coconut crunch, ricotta, nectarine, cornbread, honey ice cream

The final course:

Olive Oil and Lime Parfait (Wolvesmouth: Cut Your Teeth)
buttermilk panna cotta, pistachio genoise, pistachio crunch, strawberry, ice

^ Straight ice as an ingredient.

Instead of clearing our parfait plates, staff powered on a fog machine, distributed protective eyewear, and, one by one, each dinner guest hurled his or her plate at a wall while "I Will Lay Down My Bones Among the Rocks and Roots" by Wolves in the Throne Room blasted.

My throw was terrible.


Blanco Breakfast Taco (HomeState)
egg whites, mushrooms, monterey jack

Pork Toro (Night and Market Song)
grilled fatty pig neck, 'jaew' northeastern chile dip

Cold Fried Chicken Sandwich (Sack)
ranch, cheese, lettuce, pickles, hot sauce

Old Bay Potato Chips (Sack)

Chocolate Pecan Pie (The Gumbo Pot)

Strawberry Pistachio Pie (Atticus Creamery and Pies)
top filled with strawberry cream mousse and bottom filled with pistachio cream

Ococoa's Fig and Sesame Butter Cup Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
chocolate sesame ice cream with ribbons of a fig jam


Som Tum Tod (Night and Market Song)
fried nest of papaya, dressing and trimmings

Nadia was being a baby, so we ordered the non-deep-fried green papaya salad.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

27. Separation of Church and State (Game of Thrones, S06E10)
» Part 1 / Part 2

Stray Observations

(2016 BET Awards, 06-26-16)

  • "Winter is here." (Game of Thrones, S06E10)
  • RT: The entirety of Dorne is one patio. (Game of Thrones, S06E10)
  • "What is your name again? Barbaro?" (Game of Thrones, S06E10)
  • Game of Thrones Season Grade: B+
  • "I could see every move I was going to make 12 steps ahead. It was like I was Bobby Fischer if he could really fuck." (Silicon Valley, S03E10)
  • "Don't weaponize my faith in you against me." (Silicon Valley, S03E10)
  • Silicon Valley Season Grade: C
  • "I wouldn't be your veep if there were a grassy knoll full of Jodie Foster fans in the front row at your inauguration." (Veep, S05E10)
  • "Data gives no warning." (Veep, S05E10)
  • "First White House lesbian wedding? That'll get you in the history books."
    "I can't take that much acoustic guitar." (Veep, S05E10)
  • "PG-squirt-teen." (Veep, S05E10)
  • Veep Season Grade: B
  • Mr. Pickles Season Grade: D
  • Double Dare obstacle course sabotage (Cutthroat Kitchen, S12E13)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Game of Thrones
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Veep


Incomprehensible Jizztrumpet

Previously on Adam Riff™:
On May 1, Adam Robot and I each drafted 10 films set for release between May 1 and August 31. Whoever's slate earns the most money domestically by Labour Day wins. I won a pre-draft game of rock-paper-scissors to select first, after which we alternated selections.

Let's check the board:

1. Captain America: Civil War $403,902,253
2. Finding Dory $286,552,649
3. Suicide Squad
4. Independence Day: Resurgence $41,600,000
5. Star Trek Beyond
6. Jason Bourne
7. Now You See Me 2 $52,054,214
8. The Purge: Election Year
9. The Conjuring 2 $86,906,434
10. The Secret Life of Pets


Adam Robot
1. The BFG
2. Alice Through the Looking Glass $74,574,007
3. X-Men: Apocalypse $151,126,991
4. Ghostbusters
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows $77,117,555
6. Warcraft $43,886,470
7. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising $54,763,140
8. Pete's Dragon
9. Central Intelligence $69,302,458
10. Ice Age: Collision Course

Adam Robot's slate is like a Family Feud "fast money" round in which the second player has his or her work cut out. Fortunately, The BFG is tracking poorly and may have trouble crossing $30 million its opening weekend.

Adam Robot: I think for the movie competition we do both domestic and worldwide.
Jon: Heh. SOMEONE saw Warcraft's numbers in China…

Jon: Alright:

Jon (Worldwide)
Captain America: Civil War $1,147,559,253
Finding Dory $396,852,649
Independence Day: Resurgence $143,093,317
Now You See Me 2 $159,754,214
The Conjuring 2 $242,906,434


Adam Robot (Worldwide)
Alice Through the Looking Glass $249,074,007
X-Men: Apocalypse $372,684,672
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows $153,917,555
Warcraft $412,186,470
Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising $100,563,140
Central Intelligence $83,602,458


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

26. Battle of the Bastards (Game of Thrones, S06E09)
» Part 1 / Part 2


Stray Observations

Stray Observations

  • "They're loyal beasts."
    "They were. Now they're starving." (Game of Thrones, S06E09)
  • Making contestants play Forza Motorsport 6 to determine ingredient picking order (Food Network Star, S12E05)
  • "It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." (Penny Dreadful, S03E08)
  • Penny Dreadful Season Grade: C
  • "Okay, but see, the problem is…Terminator." (Silicon Valley, S03E09)
  • "His name is Pipey, the Pied Piper piper." (Silicon Valley, S03E09)
  • ♫: Blake Mills – "If I'm Unworthy" (Silicon Valley, S03E09)
  • "Early Bugs Bunny cartoons were just garish displays of anti-Japanese hysteria, and now, he's the face of Warner Bros." (Silicon Valley, S03E09)
  • "I went home with a congressional fan girl last night." (Veep, S05E09)
  • "Is my entire presidency about to have its neck snapped by Congressman Lennie here?" (Veep, S05E09)
  • "How am I doing? Eating so much pussy, I'm shitting clits, son."
    "This is an elementary school!" (Veep, S05E09)
  • "I hitched my wagon to a shooting star named 'Jonah Ryan.' Well, maybe I should say 'comet,' because shooting stars burn out, and he never will." (Veep, S05E09)
  • The reveal that there was a meeting about Mike after the secret meeting about Tom (Veep, S05E09)
  • Ben gleefully punching in the books on the bookshelf we've seen Kent meticulously arrange (Veep, S05E09)

(Mr. Pickles, S02E09)

(Mr. Pickles, S02E09)

  • "No more teeth for Prishpreed." (Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule, S04E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Game of Thrones
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Veep


Looking forward:

Light summer, giving me time to catch up on Bates Motel, Horace and Pete, and Trailer Park Boys.