The joys that framed my life

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Our favourite songs. One per year.


Time to update it.

Side A (curated by Jon)
1. Radiohead – "The National Anthem" [2000]
2. Finch – "What It Is to Burn (Demo)" [2001]
3. Spoon – "Stay Don't Go" [2002]
4. The Mars Volta – "Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt"
5. Ratatat – "Seventeen Years"
6. The Mountain Goats – "This Year"
7. DragonForce – "Through the Fire and Flames"
8. Frank Turner – "The Real Damage"
9. The Wonder Years – "You're Not Salinger. Get Over It."
10. So Many Dynamos – "New Bones"
11. Jamie Lidell – "Your Sweet Boom"
12. M83 – "Midnight City"
13. Jai Paul – "Jasmine (Demo)"
14. CHVRCHES – "The Mother We Share"
15. CFO$ – "Worlds Apart"
16. Oneohtrix Point Never – "No Good" [2015]
17. Kanye West – "Ultralight Beam" [2016]
18. GoldLink – "Crew (feat. Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy)" [2017]

Jon: "Crew" is so good that its radio edit is longer than the original. This song is what I imagine mixing uppers and downers sounds like.

I kinda want to change track 7 [2006] to My Chemical Romance – "Welcome to the Black Parade." The second half of "Through the Fire and Flames," though…

And perhaps track 8 [2007] should be Against Me! – "Thrash Unreal." Goddammit…


Side B (curated by Ben)
1. Outkast – "B.O.B." [2000]
2. Gob – "I Hear You Calling" [2001]
3. Justin Timberlake – "Cry Me a River" [2002]
4. The White Stripes – "Seven Nation Army"
5. Franz Ferdinand – "Take Me Out"
6. R. Kelly – "Trapped in the Closet"
7. TV on the Radio – "Wolf Like Me"
8. UGK – "Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You) [feat. Outkast]"
9. MGMT – "Time to Pretend"
10. Passion Pit – "The Reeling"
11. LCD Soundsystem – "Dance Yrself Clean"
12. M83 – "Midnight City"
13. Bruno Mars – "Locked Out of Heaven"
14. Daft Punk – "Get Lucky (feat. Pharrell Williams)"
15. Duke Dumont – "I Got You (feat. Jax Jones)"
16. Major Lazer × DJ Snake – "Lean On (feat. MØ)" [2015]
17. G.L.O.S.S. – "Give Violence a Chance" [2016]
18. Kendrick Lamar – "DNA." [2017]

Ben: I distinctly remember Kenny's album dropping at midnight and knowing I had to wait two hours to hear it (I was DJing). When I heard the opening of "DNA." blasting out of my car speakers, I nearly crashed out of excitement. No part of any song last year gave me the chills that you get from the tempo change about 1:50 into the song.


New for 2018:

Bonus Disc (curated by Adam Robot)
1. Snapcase – "Typecast Modulator" [2000]
2. Rival Schools – "Travel by Telephone" [2001]
3. City of Caterpillar – "And You're Wondering How a Top Floor Could Replace Heaven" [2002]
4. Every Time I Die – "Ebolarama"
5. Codeseven – "All the Best Dreams"
6. Comeback Kid – "Wake the Dead"
7. Jesu – "Silver"
8. Rob Crow – "Up"
9. Russian Circles – "Campaign"
10. Coalesce – "Wild Ox Moan"
11. Deftones – "Rocket Skates"
12. Touché Amoré – "Home Away from Here"
13. Torche – "Kicking"
14. Coliseum – "Fuzzbang"
15. Violent Soho – "Covered in Chrome"
16. Baroness – "Chlorine and Wine"" [2015]
17. Joyce Manor – "Last You Heard of Me" [2016]
18. Charly Bliss – "Westermarck" [2017]

Adam Robot: "Westermarck"" is a twee power-pop song with lead singer Eva Hendricks sounding like she's about to shrink through the entire track. There's nothing complicated going on, it's an earworm with borderline nonsense lyrics that's hooky as hell, and it helped me forget 2017 was a living nightmare.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


3. Cooking Food with Your Mouth (Desus and Mero, 01-16-18)


Stray Observations

  • "I am gonna cook for you every day, and dinner too, and then blow jobs for dessert." (Shameless, S08E10)
  • "What's the status report? Still digging?"
    "Like a nizzle pizzy in a dizzle stizzy."
    "What?"
    "A nose-picker in a dust storm." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E10)
  • "I'm being lectured by a pile of cookie dough over here." (Crashing, S02E01)
  • "Now your dog doesn't have to be just a dog. He can be a turducken of cute." (Shark Tank, S09E17)
  • Curb stomp back (WWE Raw, 01-15-18)
  • "Marvin, call the store! The diamonds got corroded!"
    "It's not corroded. It's chocolate!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Wait, is this a male Terry or a female Terry?"
    "Male Terry."
    "Those are the worst kind of Terrys." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Aah! My Keroppi!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Goodbye, Yale. Hello, Georgia Tech." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Bow, I spent my whole life understanding 'white stuff.' Do you think I want to know the names of the members of Phish?" (Black-ish, S04E12)
  • Dermot Mulroney (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
  • "When you're a guy stuck moving armoires alone, you get to be selfish." (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
  • "My giraffe is slippery!" (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
  • "You know what this is?"
    "No."
    "It's a boiler room."
    "What's that?
    "Like the movie."
    "I haven't seen it."
    "Really? These shady finance bros who trick people into making bad investments and then they steal all their money and spend it on Quaaludes."
    "Ah, like frickin' Wolf of Wall Street."
    "Didn't even see it. Nah. Didn't look interesting to me." (The Mick, S02E12)


(9-1-1, S01E03)

  • "Sorry, officer. Our…friend's cat was sick and…exploded. You know, like they do." (The Magicians, S03E02)
  • "We'll see who has a small penis once I have my hurricane machine." (Corporate, S01E01)
  • "I think if I was in the mafia, I would just be the guy who stayed home and made spaghetti." (Corporate, S01E01)


(Corporate, S01E01)

  • "I majored in English and that should be illegal." (Corporate, S01E02)
  • "I'll have the…sheep labia?"
    "Excellent choice."
    "You're gonna love that."
    "It tastes just like chicken, except it's the genitals of another animal." (Corporate, S01E02)
  • "I'm luggage!" (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Jeez Louise! Looks like Chidi has a real case of the Mondays, am I right? Hey, pass the NASCAR ketchup." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Pirates of the Caribbean 6: The Haunted Crow's Nest or Something, Who Gives a Crap. Now playing everywhere FOREVER." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "First person to call Ultimate Frisbee 'ultimate.'" (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Axe up."
    "Oh! New scent! Transformers."
    "Yes. It makes you smell the way Transformers movies make you feel." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "I'm gonna get me a tall glass of piping hot corn syrup." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Hors d'oeuvre?"
    "Oh, what do you got?"
    "Soul food from Maine, bagels from Arkansas, Hawaiian pizza, of course, and egg salad from a hospital vending machine in Azerbaijan." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Damn, you're good at this."
    "Well, hang out with Johnny Depp long enough and you become pretty good at lying. Like, 'Nooo, your whole thing isn't exhausting at all!'" (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "We need to find Michael, and we need to be discreet. You, cover children's dance recitals through holiday weekend IKEA." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "We're all getting laid off? Oh, God. I just spent $7,000 on a high-tech tomato garden. Wait, what's a high-tech tomato garden? Damn. Swindled again." (Great News, S02E12)
  • "It's not that complicated. You know what is complicated? Prison reform. All math. My feelings on Channing Tatum – is he hot or is he Sloth from Goonies?" (Great News, S02E12)
  • Henry Rollins, Krist Novaselic, and Brendan Canty (Portlandia, S08E01)
  • Mikey Day's Pitbull impersonation (Saturday Night Live, S43E11)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

The Defiant One

Previously on Adam Riff™: Adam Riff™'s 2017 retrospective festivities conclude with a triptych of lump audio sums.


Finally: BC-17, curated by DJ BENNY C, hence the title.

As it is a single track, here is a road map:

Lil Uzi Vert – "XO TOUR Llif3"
Charli XCX – "Boys (Nevada Remix)"
Marshmello – "Silence (feat. Khalid)"
Kendrick Lamar – "DNA."
Portugal. The Man – "Feel It Still (Gryffin Remix)"
BLOXX – "You"
Farruko, Nicki Minaj, and Bad Bunny – "Krippy Kush (Remix) [feat. 21 Savage and Rvssian]"
A$AP Ferg – "Plain Jane"
French Montana – "Unforgettable (feat. Swae Lee)"
Offset and Metro Boomin – "Ric Flair Drip"
Vince Staples – "Big Fish"
Fall Out Boy – "HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T"
Ed Sheeran – "Shape of You (MAKJ Remix)"
Joey Bada$$ – "FOR MY PEOPLE"
Aminé – "REDMERCEDES"
WALK THE MOON – "One Foot"
Captain Cuts – "Love Like We Used To (feat. Nateur)"
VHS Collection – "Waiting on the Summer (Dave Edwards Remix)"
Calvin Harris – "Slide (feat. Frank Ocean and Migos)"
Spoon – "Hot Thoughts"
Kesha – "Woman (feat. The Dap-Kings Horns)"
The Knocks and Captain Cuts – "House Party"
MK – "17"
Kiiara – "Whippin (feat. Felix Snow) [Denis First and Reznikov Remix]"
CamelPhat and Elderbrook – "Cola"
AREA21 – "We Did It"
Big Boi – "Kill Jill (feat. Killer Mike and Jeezy)"
Cardi B – "Bodak Yellow"
Capital Cities – "Swimming Pool Summer"
Parcels – "Overnight (Denis First Remix)"
Midnight Mystery Club – "True Love"
Neck Deep – "In Bloom"

  1. BC-17 DJ BENNY C 53:35

DOWNLOAD BC-17


Din Peaks

Previously on Adam Riff™:


Adam Riff™'s 2017 retrospective festivities conclude with a triptych of lump audio sums.

First up: The Sunken Tape, curated by me.


artwork by Eddie Holly

I plan to perform it in its 40-track, 02:02:04 entirety as our SXSW showcase this year.

  1. Eminem Nirvanna the Band the Show 0:23
  2. No Halo Sorority Noise 2:50
  3. Crew (feat. Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy) GoldLink 2:56
  4. How Long Charlie Puth 3:18
  5. Whitney Houston Big Mouth 0:25
  6. GUMMY BROCKHAMPTON 4:21
  7. Visions of Gideon Sufjan Stevens 4:08
  8. Hard Times Paramore 3:03
  9. The Verve Pipe The Carmichael Show 0:32
  10. Anita Smino 3:57
  11. All About Me Syd 3:31
  12. David Bowie The Trip to Spain 2:02
  13. A Private Understanding Protomartyr 5:18
  14. You Came to Party Too $hort and Meter Mobb 3:54
  15. All-4-One American Horror Story: Cult 0:46
  16. Don't Take the Money Bleachers 3:36
  17. Windows Up IDK 2:13
  18. Blu (feat. Damon Albarn) Mura Masa 4:32
  19. Orphaned Skies The Banzai Predicament 3:26
  20. SISTER / NATION BROCKHAMPTON 6:05
  21. Cradle of Filth Halt and Catch Fire 0:40
  22. Root of All Evil (feat. Incendiary) CFO$ 5:56
  23. The Chemical Brothers Baskets 0:23
  24. Young Dumb and Broke Khalid 3:23
  25. Caroline Aminé 3:30
  26. Jenkintown-Wyncote Harmony Woods 2:05
  27. Kenny G Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special 1:06
  28. Corner Store Aesop Rock 3:54
  29. Nothing to Find The War on Drugs 6:10
  30. The Way Life Goes (feat. Oh Wonder) Lil Uzi Vert 3:42
  31. Bad Liar Selena Gomez 3:35
  32. Nine Inch Nails Twin Peaks 0:17
  33. Less Than Nine Inch Nails 3:30
  34. T-Shirt Migos 4:02
  35. WASTE BROCKHAMPTON 2:34
  36. Cornershop Nirvanna the Band the Show 1:10
  37. Man's Not Hot Big Shaq 3:06
  38. Awful Things (feat. Lil Tracy) Lil Peep 3:34
  39. The Underside of Power Algiers 4:12
  40. We Find Love Daniel Caesar 4:15

No external stream because I still include skits.

Tell My Mother I Love Her

// New Orleans, LA

The woman beside me is eating the innards of a po-boy with a fork, its bread untouched.

Why even come to a po-boy shop? New Orleans doesn't lack for places that fry oysters.


I realized why the French Quarter bothers me – all the closed exterior shutters. I like seeing windows.


Oh, you can't bury anyone underground in New Orleans?

How can you bury more than one family member in each vault? How can a tomb hold all of those coffins?

According to a local ordinance, as long as the previously deceased family member has been dead for at least two years, the remains of that person can be moved to a specially made burial bag and placed at the side or back of the vault. The coffin is then destroyed, and the vault is now ready for a newly deceased family member.

Aging out of a coffin.

What happens if a family member dies within that two-year period? Generally, local cemeteries are equipped with temporary holding vaults, and the newly deceased family member is moved into his or her final resting place when two years have elapsed. [source]

What happens if multiple family members die within that two-year period?

Stephanie dies one day after DJ dies. Michelle dies one year and 364 days after Stephanie dies. Does Stephanie go straight to bag?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

2. Pop Cipher (The Magicians, S03E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Leroy, listen, I have to tell you something. No one's ever called me 'James Woods.'"
    "I'm confused. I was under the impression they called you 'James Woods' based on your love of the woods." (Ghosted, S01E09)
  • "What's his name?"
    "Leave."
    "As in…Schreiber?" (Ghosted, S01E09)
  • Fred Armisen singing along to "I Try" by Macy Gray while a human head microwaves in the background (The Last Man on Earth, S04E09)
  • Martin Short (The Last Man on Earth, S04E09)
  • "It's like Matisse mixed with Shakespeare with just a liiittle Rhea Perlman on top." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E09)
  • "I would much rather be tired than poor." (Shark Tank, S09E15)
  • Braun Strowman trying to murder Brock Lesnar and Kane with a grappling hook (WWE Raw, 01-08-18)
  • "[You're the] old lace to my arsenic." (Marvel's Runaways, S01E10)
  • ♫ Francis and the Lights – "Friends [feat. Bon Iver]" (Marvel's Runaways, S01E10)
  • Marvel's Runaways Season Grade: C
  • "British men are basically American women." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "Personal hero? Latinos. They've been through so mucho." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "I just don't understand, Ronnie. We spoke every day. There was flirting and chemistry and suggestive emojis."
    "That wasn't suggestive. I really was washing an eggplant." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "'YOLO.' So true." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "We both agreed Billings was a mistake." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "A 'u up?' text might as well be a Chris Brown song." (Grown-ish, S01E03)
  • "Watching you talk to hot girls is like watching a white person try to explain why all lives matter." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "Everybody here thinks you're a talking penis." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "Why don't you just try to find something, like, more in your wheelhouse? Have you thought about, like, being a notary or something?" (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "What's up with that shirt? You sitting shiva?"
    "I taught him Jewish stuff." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "I haven't done under-the-pants stuff with a girl since my ska band broke up." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "I'm glad the job's working out."
    "Yeah, I love it. I've been getting tons of free clothes, but I always get free clothing."
    "Yeah, I have older siblings too." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "Hannah Montana Esther is dead. Welcome to Miley." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "The old guy I met online who paid me to eat macaroni wearing sweatpants turned out to be a total creep." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "How long does a quest like this take?"
    "A good…season. (The Magicians, S03E01)
  • "Kelly, I know from your autobiography that you didn't get your start in television until were 40. And Mary-Kelly, I know from your autobiography that you had sex with Wee Man." (Great News, S02E11)
  • "I'm just finishing an e-mail that I will have sent 100 years ago." (Great News, S02E11)
  • Bill Murray as Steve Bannon (Saturday Night Live, S43E10)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

We Dat's

// New Orleans, LA

Raising Cane's is the "official chicken of the New Orleans Saints."

Anyone else ever order restaurant food to go and eat it sitting on a curb outside the restaurant to bypass queueing for a seat inside? #williemaesscotchhouse


The logo sends mixed signals.

The fuck? Every channel on this hotel treadmill is CNN.

Jon: I've never Lyft-ed this much. I could really use that $100 I lost at the casino.
Drew: Ride a bike.
Jon: Are you having a laugh? Sidewalks here are like black diamond trails for wheels, and streets are at least a blue square.

Laissez les bons temps rouler

// New Orleans, LA

My Lyft driver sees my destination.

Lyft Driver: Oh, that's near Jacques-Imo's, one of my favourite restaurants. My girlfriend is a server there.
Jon: Does she ever bring you leftover food?
Lyft Driver: No. I should beat her.
Jon: [Drew Scanlon reaction]


Does this casino not have baccarat?

Jon: Excuse me. Does this casino have baccarat?
Casino Employee: Heh. Follow me.

He leads me to an annex.

Casino Employee: We call this the "Asian table section." Baccarat, pai gow, you can eat noodles…
Jon: Ah-so…

Smoke-free baccarat is odd.


I did not expect a casino in New Orleans to be smoke-free.

I also did not expect there to be only one casino – and by law.

Harrah's New Orleans is referred to in state statute as "the official gaming establishment," see Chp.10, Title 4 of Louisiana Revised Statutes.

It's like if Denver only had one dispensary.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

Year nine.


1. Dan Le Batard vomits on air from Stugotz eating photo (The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz, 01-04-18)


Stray Observations

  • "I'm a walking medical disaster, Frank."
    "Well, that's why God invented Canada." (Shameless, S08E08)
  • "Do you think it's weird that all the girls you've liked have been white?"
    "But that's different. See, that's not a preference. That's just what's around." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E11)
  • "Black Jesus, please guide my hand to the nougat." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "Let me let you in on a little secret: Rules are for ugly people." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "I hate to say this, but it sounds like you got yourself an 'urb.' An unruly bitch." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "You were in a band?"
    "Yeah. The Johnson Five. I was the most talented, and the most troubled. That's why I died so young." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "For the new trick, Pascal the Magnificent wants to make me disappear and then reappear in Jerusalem. But I don't know. I don't like hummus." (LA to Vegas, S01E01)
  • "He's not a Saudi prince. He's just a Mexican with a pet falcon." (LA to Vegas, S01E01)
  • "It's not a bottle opener, you caveman, it's a piece of art."
    "No, that's a bottle-opening scrotum." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • Jennie Garth (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "Television is the lowest form of art, okay? It's a rung below macaroni jewelry." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "What a Brenda, right?" (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "People don't get a lot of cool stuff. Right? Like uni and, uh, John Cougar Mellencamp." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "Okay, we got to figure out something, because I am going to that gala or I am getting my thermos signed." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "Hot tip: Most of the young, eligible, Jewish guys hang out right over there. We call that area 'Little Boca.'" (Grown-ish, S01E01)
  • "Oh, hey, Taylor. You got any questions for the Pustule Brothers?" (Speechless, S02E11)
  • "Actually, I think Kenneth wants to…
    "Strip with teens? Oh, no, he doesn't." (Speechless, S02E11)


(9-1-1, S01E01)


(9-1-1, S01E01)

  • "That was 'She Hates Me' by Puddle of Mudd. Coming up next: 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.'" (The Good Place, S02E08)
  • "We're about to close it down with one last song: 'She Hates Me' by Puddle of Mudd and 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer' played at the same time." (The Good Place, S02E08)
  • "Surprise!"
    "Ah! Tiny Dunkirk!" (Great News, S02E10)
  • "He gave me a gift I can never repay: A $25 gift card to Coconuts." (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Chuck? Oh, no, are you the new Hedwig? I told you you don't have the chops." (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Please help me, Portia. I'll give you anything. How about a $25 gift card to Coconuts?" (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Still with us, Bo Jefferson, fiscally conservative van resident. And on the liberal side, daniel with a lowercase D." (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Do you think it's gonna explode?"
    "It's not a film. [If this was a film, we'd probably be American.]" (The End of the Fucking World, S01E02)
  • The End of the Fucking World Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Death, destruction, anarchy, progress, ambition, and self-improvement

I'm off to New Orleans for the first time.

B gifted me an Away suitcase for Christmas. It features a built-in battery to charge USB devices.

I can't imagine a scenario, however, in which I can't find a power socket but have this suitcase with me. During a ride from an airport to a hotel?

Mallory out of a hat

New Year's Eve novelty glasses are capitalism at its worst. Direct-to-landfill.

Imagine surpluses of them being sent to Africa as sunglasses, everyone wearing a different year.

"This is my 2008 ensemble: McCain/Palin hat, namesake shades, NBA champion Lakers shirt."


Adam Riff™ Clips of the Year

1. Top Chef
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
3. Portlandia
4. The Young Pope
5. The Young Pope
6. Powerless
7. The Young Pope
8. WWE Raw
9. Homeland
10. Legion
11. The Walking Dead
12. Legion
13. Nirvanna the Band the Show
14. Bates Motel
15. The Amazing Race
16. WWE Raw
17. Brooklyn Nine-Nine
18. The Leftovers
19. American Gods
20. American Gods
21. Fargo
22. Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter
23. Twin Peaks
24. Fargo
25. The Trip [to Spain]
26. Claws
26. Claws
27. WWE Raw
28. Tour de Pharmacy
29. The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
30. Twin Peaks
31.
Insecure
32. WWE SmackDown LIVE
33. Game of Thrones
34. Claws
35. Twin Peaks
36. WWE Raw
37. Twin Peaks
38. American Vandal
39. Nathan For You: A Celebration
40. Nathan For You
41. Black-ish
42. Nathan For You
43. Big Mouth
44. American Horror Story
45. Wendy
46. Vice Principals / Nathan For You [tie]
47. Nirvanna the Band the Show
48. Future Man
49. The Walking Dead
50. Desus and Mero
51. Jean-Claude Van Johnson
52. Desus and Mero


Stray Observations

  • "It'll be like those two girls' night out movies that came out at the same time, only ours will be as good as the black one." (Great News, S02E09)
  • "Did I look thin? Hmm? Like, wheatgrass yogurt thin?" (Black Mirror, S04E01)
  • "Stealing my pussy is a red fucking line." (Black Mirror, S04E01)
  • "King of space right here." (Black Mirror, S04E01)
  • "Okay, I added the boner." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • "We didn't have that whole immersive VR environment shizzle back then." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • "Monkey just needs a minute to get used to how things are gonna be." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • "Are you gonna be a good toy?"
    "Monkey loves you."
    "You better." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • Black Mirror Season Grade: C+

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


2017 AR™TV World Drama Championship Reigns
Stranger Things – 30 weeks [carried over from 2016]
The Young Pope – 3 weeks
Legion – 7 weeks
Better Call Saul – 1 week
The Leftovers – 2 weeks
Better Call Saul – 1 week
Fargo – 1 week
American Gods – 1 week
Twin Peaks – 1 week
Fargo – 3 weeks
Twin Peaks – 6 weeks
Game of Thrones – 1 week
Twin Peaks – 6 weeks
The Deuce – 14 weeks and counting

2017 AR™TV World Comedy Championship Reigns
Atlanta – 22 weeks [carried over from 2016]
Baskets – 17 weeks
The Carmichael Show – 9 weeks
Rick and Morty – 1 week
Insecure – 1 week
Rick and Morty – 5 weeks
Nathan For You – 14 weeks and counting


Looking forward:

#clipoftheweek


The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2017

Previously on Adam Riff™: The 2017 Draft


And now, a more conventional list:

10. Brawl in Thrοne Rοom (Stαr Wαrs: Τhe Lαst Jedι)

9. Brawl in Cell Blοck 99 (Brawl in Cell Blοck 99)

8. Brawl in Alley (Nirvanna the Band the Show)

7. Brawl in High School (Vice Principals)

6. Brawl in Master Bedroom (The Mick)

5. Brawl in Moving Bus (The Villainess)

4. Brawl in Frozen Meat Depot (Paradοx)


3. Brawl in Apartment Building (Atomic Blonde)
two videos, playlisted

2. Brawl in First- and Third-Person (The Villainess)

1. Brawl in Police Station (Headshot)

Iko Uwais tops this list for the third time.


see also:

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


52. Desus and Mero vs. DJ Akademiks (Desus and Mero, 12-20/12-21-17)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Search Party Season Grade: D
  • "You'll be visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future."
    "Wait, it's like I'm gonna be in that movie. Wait, what is the name of that movie? Oh, gosh. Okay, wait a minute. Okay, it was a guy counting coins, but he wouldn't help Teeny Tom. Oh, come on. The Muppets did a good one, and Ace Ventura did a bad one. You know what I'm talking about. It's Christmas… It's a Chris, Christmas…"
    "Carol!"
    "Yeah, what's up?" (Great News, S02E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek


The 2017 Draft

There was an idea…

To bring together a group of disparate people…

To see if we could create something more…than a year-end list.

10 people select 10 things they loved from 2017 without any overlap.

THE LEAGUE

Alas, I couldn't find someone in Big 12 country, where I somehow only know Steven, who is too washed culturally to participate. Also, I could've used another girl, another non-white person, and another person in their 20s. Next year?

THE RANDOMLY-GENERATED SNAKE DRAFT ORDER
Adam Robot » Jeff » Russell » Aaron » Drew » Molly » Jon Yu [me] » Mike » White Jon » Logan »

Alright.

With the first pick in the 2017 Draft, Adam Robot selected…


ADAM ROBOT
1. TWIN PEAKS the return: “Part 8"
S03E08 / Showtime


JEFF
2. THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: BREATH OF THE WILD
Switch game

RUSSELL
3. NATHAN FOR YOU: “Finding Frances"
S04E08 / Comedy Central

Jon Yu: GODDAMMIT.
Russell: Clearly the Embiid of this draft.


AARON
4. The Mean Bean Machine boss battle in SONIC MANIA
game


DREW
5. BLADE RUNNER 2049
film

Drew: Blade Runner 2049 wasn't necessarily my favorite movie of 2017, but I really don't think it would be available when the draft snaked back to me.
Drew: But that's me thinking in terms of pick valuation.

MOLLY
6. Lady Bird and Julie's best friendship in LADY BIRD
film

JON YU
7. NIRVANNA THE BAND THE SHOW
S01+S02 / Viceland


MIKE
8. HQ TRIVIA
iOS game

Jon Yu: Hey, uhh, Lady Bird is off the boa—


WHITE JON
9. LADY BIRD THE FLORIDA PROJECT
film


LOGAN
10. AUBREY PLAZA as a producer
The Little Hours / Ingrid Goes West

LOGAN
11. The “BOWLING GREEN MASSACRE"

WHITE JON
12. SLOWDIVE releasing an amazing album 22 years after their last
S/T

MIKE
13. BIG MOUTH: “Girls Are Horny Too"
steamy novel makes the rounds / S01E05 / Netflix


JON YU
14. MERO's laugh
Desus and Mero / Bodega Boys

MOLLY
15. The War on Drugs' album A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING

DREW
16. GET OUT and the meme culture it has wrought
film

Drew: I was surprised Get Out was available.


AARON
17. Sasha Velour's rose petal reveal in the grand finale of RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE
S09E14 / VH1

RUSSELL
18. LITTLE FIRES EVERYWHERE by Celeste Ng
book

JEFF
19. MR. ROBOT: “eps3.4runtime-error.r00"
single-take episode / S03E05 / USA

ADAM ROBOT
20. THE LEFTOVERS
S03 / HBO

ADAM ROBOT
21. HALT AND CATCH FIRE: Gordon
S04E07 / AMC

JEFF
22. “CUT TO THE FEELING" by Carly Rae Jepsen
song

RUSSELL
23. Tom Hardy's inaudible dialogue in DUNKIRK
film

AARON
24. The No Man's Land scene in WONDER WOMAN
film

DREW
25. The culmination of THE PROCESS: Simmons/Embiid 2017
Philadelphia 76ers / NBA


MOLLY
26. TIFFANY HADDISH
Girls Trip / The Carmichael Show / Saturday Night Live / The Last Black Unicorn

JON YU
27. THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI
film


MIKE
28. Dr. Kahl's Robot in CUPHEAD
XBO+Windows game

WHITE JON
29. “SO IT GOES…" by Taylor Swift
song

LOGAN
30. SEARCH PARTY
S02 / TBS

LOGAN
31. VICE NEWS TONIGHT's “Charlottesville: Race and Terror" special
HBO


WHITE JON
32. Megan Amram's unused food puns list for THE GOOD PLACE
S02E03 / NBC

MIKE
33. RICK AND MORTY: “The ABC's of Beth"
is Beth a clone? / S03E09 / Adult Swim

JON YU
34. Barry Keoghan's performance in THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER
film

MOLLY
35. THOR: RAGNAROK
film

DREW
36. GAME OF THRONES: “Dragonstone" cold open – Arya singlehandedly ends House Frey
S07E01 / HBO


AARON
37. SUPER MARIO ODYSSEY
Switch game

RUSSELL
38. CHAPO TRAP HOUSE episode 100: “Chapo Goes to College"
podcast / who is the most evil person ever to come out of Harvard?

JEFF
39. The “twist" at the end of S-TOWN episode 2
podcast


ADAM ROBOT
40. SUPERMAN's mustache
Justice League

ADAM ROBOT
41. BASKETS: “Dog Days Are Over"/fight
S02E05 / FX

JEFF
42. Sorority Noise's album YOU'RE NOT AS _____ AS YOU THINK

RUSSELL
43. The dueling “LET'S GO JESUS/JESUS SUCKS" chants at the WWE United Kingdom Championship Tournament
WWE Network

AARON
44. Alexander Skarsgård and Nicole Kidman in BIG LITTLE LIES
S01 / HBO

DREW
45. BINGE MODE
podcast

MOLLY
46. Amy Sherman-Palladino's characters being able to curse in THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL
S01 / Amazon Prime Video

JON YU
47. "CREW" by GoldLink feat. Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy
song

MIKE
48. Marvel's THE PUNISHER: Frank punishes Bill
S01E13 / Netflix

WHITE JON
49. Forrest MacNeil's final REVIEW
S03E03 / Comedy Central

LOGAN
50. I GAVE YOU ALL THE CLUES / HELLO MISTER POLICE
The Snowman


LOGAN
51. BACKPACK KID and the Floss dance

WHITE JON
52. BETTER CALL SAUL: “Chicanery"
Chuck takes the stand / S03E05 / AMC

MIKE
53. SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING
film

JON YU
54. Whatever the hell it is James Franco is doing in THE DISASTER ARTIST
film

MOLLY
55. The 9/11 joke in THE BIG SICK
film

DREW
56. AMERICAN VANDAL
S01 / Netflix

AARON
57. GLOW
S01 / Netflix

RUSSELL
58. VEEP: Uncle Jeff visits Jonah in the hospital
S06E09 / HBO

JEFF
59. MADDEN NFL 18's story mode
game

ADAM ROBOT
60. LAST PODCAST ON THE LEFT episodes 285-287: Norwegian Black Metal Parts I-III
Chainsaw Gutsfuck / Orc Urinal / This Laughable Society

ADAM ROBOT
61. DETROITERS: Second business meeting meal order
S01E07 / Comedy Central


JEFF
62. LIL PEEP

RUSSELL
63. The FYRE festival

AARON
64. Meeting the Bakers [pt1/pt2] in RESIDENT EVIL 7: BIOHAZARD in VR
PSVR game

DREW
65. RIVERDALE, for both its suffocating 2017-ness and its empowerment of Cole Sprouse, the most self-aware Disney kid to date
S01+S02 / The CW

MOLLY
66. YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS' Dead Blondes series: episodes 93-105
podcast // Peg Entwistle / Thelma Todd / Jean Harlow / Veronica Lake / Carole Landis / Marilyn Monroe / Jayne Mansfield / Barbara Payton / Grace Kelly / Barbara Loden / Dorothy Stratten


JON YU
67. The action scenes in THE VILLAINESS
film

MIKE
68. LEGION: “Chapter 8"
floating metal sphere abducts David / S01E08 / FX

WHITE JON
69. Paqui's Carolina Reaper Madness ONE CHIP CHALLENGE tortilla chip being even hotter this year

LOGAN
70. MOVIEPASS

LOGAN
71. Oneohtrix Point Never's soundtrack for GOOD TIME
film


WHITE JON
72. Jeff Lemire's ROYAL CITY
comic

MIKE
73. LOGAN
film

JON YU
74. THE YOUNG POPE
S01 / HBO

MOLLY
75. THIS IS US: “Memphis"
William dies / S01E16 / NBC

DREW
76. The polite shootout between Keanu and Common in JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 2
film

AARON
77. Fortress sieges in MIDDLE-EARTH: SHADOW OF WAR
game


RUSSELL
78. FC BARCELONA's 6-1 comeback against Paris Saint-Germain to reach the UEFA Champions League quarterfinals
soccer

Jeff: Damn. Logan [73] and the polite shootout [76] were both on my list.

JEFF
79. The NASHVILLE PREDATORS' Stanley Cup playoffs run
NHL hockey

ADAM ROBOT
80. TIM AND ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB! Awesome 10-Year Anniversary Version, Great Job?
special / Adult Swim

ADAM ROBOT
81. Converge's album THE DUSK IN US

JEFF
82. BELOW DECK MEDITERRANEAN
S02 / Bravo

RUSSELL
83. HELL ON EARTH: THE RISE AND FALL OF SYRIA AND THE RISE OF ISIS
film


AARON
84. HORIZON ZERO DAWN's robot dinosaurs
PS4 game

DREW
85. MINDHUNTER's “Fly Like an Eagle" montage
S01E02 / Netflix

MOLLY
86. The raw emotion at the center of I,
TONYA

film

JON YU
87. 17776 (WHAT FOOTBALL WILL LOOK LIKE IN THE FUTURE) by Jon Bois

MIKE
88. BOJACK HORSEMAN: “Ruthie"
Princess Carolyn's bad day / S04E09 / Netflix

WHITE JON
89. THE BINDING OF ISAAC: AFTERBIRTH+
Switch game


LOGAN
90. JUICERO


FINAL ROUND BLIND PICK TWIST
Along with your final pick, please select something from 2017 that you have yet to experience as of December 13, 2017.


LOGAN
91. LA LA LAND as Best Picture
The 89th Academy Awards / ABC
+ THE SHAPE OF WATER

WHITE JON
92. ROOM 104: “Voyeurs"
the dance episode / S01E06 / HBO
+ STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI

MIKE
93. The “Father Figure" fight in ATOMIC BLONDE
film
+ DOWNSIZING

JON YU
94. Brockhampton's SATURATION album trilogy
Saturation / Saturation II / Saturation III
+ BRIMSTONE AND GLORY

MOLLY
95. Television discovers MARGARET ATWOOD
The Handmaid's Tale / Alias Grace
+ JEAN-CLAUDE VAN JOHNSON s01

DREW
96. Jay Som's album EVERYBODY WORKS
+ BRIGHT

AARON
97. METROID: SAMUS RETURNS
3DS game
+ CALL ME BY YOUR NAME

RUSSELL
98. BABY DRIVER's parking garage battle set to Queen's “Brighton Rock"
film
+ BLACK MIRROR s04

JEFF
99. STRANGER THINGS 2's Snow Ball
S02E09 / Netflix
+ RESIDENT EVIL 7: BIOHAZARD – Not a Hero DLC

ADAM ROBOT
100. BITCOIN
+ PHANTOM THREAD


UNDRAFTED
Insecure
It
Kendrick Lamar
LaVar Ball
Master of None
Omega vs. Okada
Persona 5


BONUS: DRAFT GRADES
I felt bad for bumping Stan from the league in order to expand its geographic coverage [next year?], so I invited him to grade each participant's draft.


Click to view the draft by team plus Stan's grades for each team.

Eater's Digest: December 14-15, 2017

Los Angeles, CA
broken mouth / pbj.la / the mighty / salt and straw

(PBJ.LA) makes unique Uncrustables:


Focaccia Sandwich (The Mighty)
fennel sausage and porchetta sandwich, apple fennel jam, harissa aioli, arugula


Rice Crispy Cookie (The Mighty)

Caramelized Grapefruit Eggnog Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
custardy eggnog ice cream made with black rum, vanilla, nutmeg and cinnamon; homemade grapefruit jam made by caramelizing fresh pink grapefruit juice

Sushi Rice Tots (Sumo Dog)
—Mini yaki onigiri?

Chedd-cha (Little Fluffy Head Café)
iced matcha latte topped with cheddar cheese cream


San Francisco, CA
wise sons jewish delicatessen / rooster and rice / villon

I like (Wise Sons)' Bittersweet Chocolate Babka, but the size of a slice keeps decreasing.


Everything Hawaiian Bread (Villon)
cultured butter, market preserves, strawberry chicken liver mousse

^ The "everything" doesn't add anything.


Tuna Tartare (Villon)
crispy chicken, deviled egg, micro onion

^ Raw fish and deviled egg on chicken skin.


Warm Beignets (Villon)
lime posset, butternut, coffee

^ Ethereal doughnuts confusingly served with a bowl of mousse-like lime cream with butternut squash and coffee.


Baby Back Ribs (Villon)
feuilles de brique, nuoc mam cham

#eatersdigest

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


51. Huck (Jean-Claude Van Johnson, S01E01)


Stray Observations

  • Adam Driver singing (Bob's Burgers, S08E06)
  • "We gotta keep going. It's like IKEA. We can't go back. We gotta push forward." (Bob's Burgers, S08E07)
  • "Hello. Most of the year you know me as Cleavage to Beaver." (Bob's Burgers, S08E07)
  • "This is Portia's godfather Bing and his twink Jason." (Search Party, S02E08)
  • "Healter Skelter" (Search Party, S02E08)
  • ♫: LCD Soundsystem – "Oh Baby" (Marvel's Runaways, S01E06)
  • "They were not, as the kids say, 'awake.'"
    "Do you mean 'woke'?"
    "I did mean 'woke,' but it's grammatically incoherent." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E10)
  • "We need to woo them with the international language of friendship: pork." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E10)
  • "Black ink only. No blue. I'm not a street artist." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E10)
  • "I was worried about that too, but that's when I remembered: The Godfather."
    "The Diane Keaton movie."
    "No one refers to it as that, but Charles is right, she is in it."
    […]
    "In The Godfather, Don Corleone had three sons: Michael, his favorite."
    "Diane Keaton's husband."
    "Mm-kay. Then there was Sonny, the hothead."
    "Diane Keaton's brother-in-law."
    "Charles, you're being distracting."
    "No, he's not, he's actually helping me to follow this. Continue going through Diane Keaton's relatives." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E11)
  • "Your brain baby is crowning." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E11)
  • "Hi, there. I'd like to humiliate some hussies, and I'm in a hurry." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E11)
  • "Pumping hard or hardly pumping, Gina?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E11)
  • "I feel like a failure. I feel like a Coulier."
    "No, you're not a Coulier, Gina." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E11)
  • "Ho ho ho! Race is a social construct!" (Speechless, S02E10)
  • ♫: M83 – "Intro" (Mr. Robot, S03E10)
  • RT: In S01E08, Elliot is sent to his one meeting with whiterose – the cover for his meeting is that he's being sent to a place that can recover inaccessible information from some hard drives. The name of this data recovery business was Blank's Disk. (Mr. Robot, S03E10)
  • Back to the Future photo (Mr. Robot, S03E10)
  • ♫: Fiona Apple – "Criminal" (Mr. Robot, S03E10)
  • Mr. Robot Season Grade: B-
  • "Where you been, man? You got anything coming out?"
    "I'm retired."
    "What about on, uh, DVD? VOD?"
    "No, no. Real retired. Not like Nicolas Cage retired." (Jean-Claude Van Johnson, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek