Pata Sucia

I can't stop laughing at this billboard in Yakima, WA:


A group of about 60 local youngsters helped craft the message, which they thought would be effective in their demographic. [source]

According to the Healthy Youth Survey, in 2016, roughly 19 percent of local Hispanic 10th-graders had used pot compared with 17.6 percent of non-Hispanic students. [source]


I suppose "We don't need pot to have fun. We're not Hispanics…" would read worse.

"We're Detroit by default."

Rory: I see your Yakima billboard and raise you


Eater bracketed "the Most Truly Awful Restaurant Names out there":

Blunch won.

This tournament needed a bracket of just boba shop names.

In my area alone: E Tea, i-Tea, Inteanet, Teaquation, Tpumps, Cafe LaTTea, Bobabia, Bubble Loca, Meow Tea, What8ver Express…


Idea: One day, most of Earth's population disappears, leaving behind "the 1%." What happens when the wealthiest and most powerful people in the world only have each other to exploit?

While one percent of Earth's population is still 75 million people, how many of them can fly a plane?

Idea: One day, the President of the United States of America wakes up inside a solid, transparent, 20ft x 20ft x 20ft cube at the foot of Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C.

The only opening in the cube is a hole 2cm in diameter on the top of the cube, through which air, food, and water can pass.

A sign on one side of the cube reads: "The only way to open this cube is by dropping a nuclear bomb on it from 20,000ft above. Do not try to open this cube otherwise. You will fail. Do not try to move this cube. You will fail."

All attempts to open the cube otherwise or move the cube fail.

The cube is shielded from public view.

In addition to contaminating the capital of the United States of America, you kill its president by dropping a nuclear bomb on the cube, but if you don't bomb the cube, then the President of the United States of America will rot inside outside the United States Capitol forever.

Idea: 28 Days Later, but the virus only infects millennials.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

30. Fun with Doug and Jane (Twin Peaks, S03E10)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "So here I am, with a thousand ships, and two good hands." (Game of Thrones, S07E01)
  • Ed Sheeran (Game of Thrones, S07E01)
  • Thomas Turgoose (Game of Thrones, S07E01)
  • "Where am I supposed to get that kind of money?"
    "Well, go to the bank, get a loan."
    "Oh, Polly-Pol, you see life through Caucasian-coloured glasses." (Claws, S01E06)
  • "It's constructed entirely from pubic hair collected at the Hernando Correctional Institute." (Claws, S01E06)
  • Nadine's silent draper runner store (Twin Peaks, S03E10)

(Twin Peaks, S03E10)

  • Moby (Twin Peaks, S03E10)
  • ♫: Teenage Jesus and the Jerks – "Empty Eyes" (Preacher, S02E05)
  • "We can debate about the dick bit later!" (MasterChef, S08E07)
  • "Every hand-knit sweater is made by a woman who's lost all hope." (The Carmichael Show, S03E09)
  • "Empowerment is not for the elderly. They can barely text. You think they can handle a new identity?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E09)
  • "Did women have self-esteem before Destiny's Child or not?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E09)
  • "This guy ate ice out of her butt."
    "So just because someone puts ice up their butt, you don't trust their judgment? If you're young and hot and you live in L.A., you're shoving ice up your butt." (I'm Sorry, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show



Supreme × Kermit the Frog.

The Hundreds × Disney.

Bears with Hot Topic flair will be available at Hot Topic stores. Accompanying furry friend outfits and accessories will be sold in Build-A-Bear Workshop stores. The matching young adult styles will be available at Hot Topic stores. [source]

No Bullet Club bear. I suppose that's NJPW × Build-A-Bear, though.

(Amazon × ALDI) / Kirkland.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

29. Gollum Reads Trump's Tweets (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, 07-11-17)

Stray Observations

  • Hudson Mohawke (Twin Peaks, S03E09)
  • Sky Ferreira scratching her armpit rash (Twin Peaks, S03E09)
  • Polly menacingly licking frosting off a cupcake (Claws, S01E05)
  • Frankie Muniz (Preacher, S02E04)
  • Brodus Clay (Preacher, S02E04)
  • "What happened to you, Hitler? You used to be…Hitler!" (Preacher, S02E04)
  • "I know that you're trying to get me to a state of peace, but this meditation thing takes too much time and focus. Hennessy is relaxing immediately!" (The Carmichael Show, S03E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show


Soppressata, capicollo, and a striata baguette

Alas, I don't visit Chicago until August.

I'll be in Chicago for the Riot Feast, though:

The Adult Swim Feast

Ranch It Up! Crudité
Chicken Nuggets with Szechuan Sauce
Potato Skins Bar

Meatwad Sandwich with Fries Dipped in Milkshake
Cinco Pasta Bear

Too Many Cookies

Red Mocho Kooler and Hunchback Cocktails

The Truth Is Not H

BITCOIN HEIST (2017) Official Trailer

Why do you need a magician and a conman to steal virtual currency?

Oh, they steal a ring containing a QR code.

Did you know that Lance Burton wrote, directed, and starred in a 2015 film?

Eat your heart out, Spider-Man: Homecoming poster.

BILLY TOPIT MASTER MAGICIAN is excellent at performing magic, he is just not very successful. His life gets complicated when some greasy mob guys comes after him looking for money. Billy uses his magic skills to avoid confrontation as long as he can, because he wants to concentrate on his magic career and his new girlfriend.

Things get wildly out of control and BILLY TOPIT MASTER MAGICIAN has to call on his best friends for help. The Magician, the Ventriloquist, the Jugglers, and the Mime will have to stage a rescue!

What good are jugglers and a mime for staging a rescue?

Idea: Coachella, but for magic. Three days, 162 magic acts, plus street magicians wandering the concourse.

Friday headliner: Penn and Teller
Saturday headliner: David Copperfield
Sunday headliner: David Blaine


Two months from today, Adam Riff™ will celebrate its 17th anniversary, so I can finally, comfortably, say:

I've been blogging for about 17 years, okay? I don't write my stuff anymore. I just kick it from my head. You know what I'm saying? I can do that. No disrespect, but that's how I am.

Ratatat Remixes Vol. 3 is one of the few music things that my washed ass would pop for.

Ratatat Remixes Vol. 3, a Soul Coughing reunion, and Dan the Automator, a Dust Brother, and Prince Paul's unreleased album.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

28. Self Defense (Tour de Pharmacy)

Not safe for work.

Stray Observations

  • "I picked out my new titties, Jen!" (Claws, S01E04)
  • "You don't want to live a life of missionary boredom. You're not that kind of Jew!" (Claws, S01E04)

(Snowfall, S01E01)

  • "Franklin Saint, king of all the white boys." (Snowfall, S01E01)
  • "I give you liquor and you hit me with attitude." (Snowfall, S01E01)
  • "Money ain't nothing but paper with them crackers' faces on it." (Snowfall, S01E01)
  • "He died with his dick out." (Tour de Pharmacy)

(Tour de Pharmacy)

  • "Juwanna Mann is, I think, one of the best films – it's arguably the best…film!" (Tour de Pharmacy)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show


We only listen to grindcore thrash metal

A&E Network to Premiere New Nonfiction Series "The Lowe Files" on Wednesday, August 2 at 10pm ET/PT

The new nonfiction series follows Rob Lowe and his two sons, Matthew and John Owen, as they travel through the country to explore infamous unsolved mysteries.

In the hour-long premiere episode, Rob and his sons visit Preston Castle, a condemned former boys' reformatory in Ione, CA that was built in the late 1800's. Since closing in 1960, it has become a California Historical Landmark that is said to house angry, vengeful spirits. With the help of Rob's personal shaman, the boys work to draw out the spirit of a murder victim whose residual energy remains at the castle.

The world needs a spin-off series about Rob Lowe's personal shaman.

Fuse Media Unveils New Slate Of Original Content for 2017-18 Upfront Season

FLUFFY'S FOOD ADVENTURES – You hungry? Well Fluffy is – and he's taking his crew of comedians on a coast-to-coast culinary trip in search of the country's most mouthwatering dishes.

ASK FLUFFY – Fuse and Gabriel Iglesias solicit questions via social media on a variety of topics.

FLUFFY'S HOT SPOTS – In each city he visits, Gabriel Iglesias takes us through the top places to visit.

FLUFFY AT HOME – Fans want to know what Fluffy's doing when he's not on the road. This series allows fans to check out Gabriel Iglesias' man cave filled with his loved VW buses, his personal barber shop and his extensive merchandising area.

FLUFFY OFF THE MENU – Join Gabriel Iglesias and a few of his favorite chefs as they teach you how to make tasty dishes in a matter of minutes.

Also coming to Fuse:

From Wilmer Valderrama, THE HOLLYWOOD PUPPET SH!T SHOW features true untold celebrity stories reenacted by marionette puppets.

Celebrities include Joe Jonas, Lil Jon, and Amber Rose.

On Monday, July 10 Los Angeles residents will get a chance to interact with a 25-foot working puppet of Wilmer Valderrama that's set to grace the corner of Hollywood and Highland. [source]

Eater's Digest: New York City 4

Previously on Adam Riff™:

I have a formidable backlog of food notes on New York City dating back to fall 2013 that I desperately need to clear. Some restaurants I tried have closed. Some dishes I tried are no longer available.

Emptying the clip:

Fall 2013 – December 2016
alder / amy's bread / arepa lady / atoboy / baked / biang! / blue ribbon fried chicken / big smoke burger / bolivian llama party / breads bakery / the cecil / contra / cosme / court street grocers / cranky's cafe / delaney barbecue / delaware and hudson / desi shack / dinnertable / dominique ansel kitchen / dorado tacos / dough loco / the doughnut plant / the doughnut project / ducks eatery / dutch kills centraal / earl's beer and cheese / empellón cocina / empire biscuit / fuku / fuku+ / the gander / glady's / han dynasty / hey hey canteen / hometown bar-b-que / hill country chicken / hometown hotpot and bbq / jeepney / la boulangerie / levain bakery / los mariscos / los tacos no. 1 / martha's country bakery / meat hook sandwich shop / mighty quinn's / mile end / milk bar / mofon go / momofuku nishi / momofuku ssäm bar / morgan's barbecue / mp taverna / mr. bing / the nugget spot / num pang / nutella bar at eataly / oiji / otto's tacos / pacifico's fine foods / pearl's / piora / presstea / queens comfort / red hook lobster pound / rider / root and bone / schmackary's / snowdonia / somtum der / sticky's finger joint / sunday in brooklyn / sweets first bakeshoppe and cafe / takumi taco / the thirsty koala / tompkins square bagels / toro / tortillería nixtamal / tres carnes / union fare / wallflower / west 3rd common / white bear / wilma jean / xi'an famous foods

The "gone but not forgotten" stuff at the end aside, everything featured below is currently open and available.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cream Cheese (Tompkins Square Bagels)
Birthday Cake Cream Cheese (Tompkins Square Bagels)
—Cloying bagel spreads.

The Everything Doughnut (The Doughnut Project)
sweet cream cheese glaze topped with sesame seeds, poppy seeds, pepitas, garlic, and sea salt

^ Bagel donut.

'Those Beetz Are Dope' Doughnut (The Doughnut Project)
beet glaze filled with ricotta whip

'The Bronx' Doughnut (The Doughnut Project)
a simple glaze, with italian olive oil and black pepper

[Mochaccino] Ripple Donut (The Doughnut Plant)
mocha, coffee, milk with cinnamon

^ Three concentric donuts for $24. Flavour combinations vary. The "mochaccino" one I tried was bland and unpleasantly chewy. Not sure why I thought it might be good, because Doughnut Plant sucks.

Fried Sourdough (Sunday in Brooklyn)
beeswax, peach jam

^ A dessert!

Black Cod Pastrami (Sunday in Brooklyn)
rye sour cream, garden pickles

^ Combined with the sour cream, it tastes like a pastrami sandwich.

Cobia al Pastor (Cosme)
pineapple puree, cilantro

^ Fish á la pork.

Duck Carnitas (Cosme)
onions, radishes, cilantro

^ Dry.

Kangaroo Burger (The Thirsty Koala)
akudjura remoullade, caramelized onions, tasmanian pepper berry demi glaze, fresh lettuce, sliced fresh tomato, sliced fresh red onion, ketchup, and sweet chilli sauce
—And drier.

Dry Pepper Fish (Han Dynasty)
triple flash fried with long hot and dry chili peppers

Flying Guillotine (Flattops)
sirloin beef patty, roast duck and shrimp egg roll, a l'orange sauce

^ A burger topped with an egg roll.

Gucci Mane (Flattops)
sirloin beef patty, cap'n crunch crusted bacon, gruyere, french toast brioche, raspberry jam

Pastrami Bombs (Flattops)
yukon gold potato croquettes, homemade pastrami, cornichons, gruyere, chinese mustard

Crispy Uni Paella Ball (Dinnertable)
uni, risotto, smoked tomato creme

^ Crispy? Check. Uni? Check. Paella? Ehh…

(Dinnertable) is a restaurant hidden inside a bar, a bar that [not sure if Con Edison or just Lower East Side] lit its men's washroom with a single anemic candle.

Dinnertable Dog with House Pickles (Dinnertable)
house miso sausage, potato bun, wasabi pea salt, sauces, and market pickles

Matcha Sundae (Dinnertable)
matcha ice cream, miso caramel sauce, fudge, homemade kit kat, more delicious stuff

Husk Meringue (Cosme)
corn mousse

^ I wasn't keen on ordering this dessert, but I'm glad I did. To make the meringue, corn husk leaves are burned and blended into a fine powder that is whipped into egg whites and sugar.

Chicken / Egg (Atoboy)
spicy peanut butter, garlic / sea urchin, watercress, quinoa

^ Chicken on the bottom left, egg on the top right.

Seasonal Rice (Atoboy)

Kamayan (Jeepney)
banana ketchup ribs, kare kare fried chicken, adobong hipon, dinuguan at puto, bicol express, tahong probinsyana, longganisa sausage, bokchoy, garlic rice

^ A large format Filipino feast consumed with your hands – no plates or silverware.

Smoked Whole Goat Neck (Ducks Eatery)
royal curry, bing cherries, rice

Bake and Shark (Pearl's)
fried shark with tamarind, chadon beni, and garlic sauce; pickled slaw, and mango chutney

^ White people gotta gentrify bake and sharks so I can eat them every day.

Calypso Guac and Chips (Pearl's)
caribbean-style guacamole with vegetable chips
—Caribbean-style guac and chips is basically guac and chips.

Fried Chicken Burrito (Wilma Jean)
with hoppin' john fried rice, cheddar cheese, collards

Hong Kong Fried Chicken Sandwich (Hey Hey Canteen)
tamari-palm sugar glazed chicken breast, crispy ramen crust, green mango and radish pickles, umami aioli, bao bun

Spicy Fried Chicken Sandwich (Fuku / Fuku+)
—I appreciate that David Chang uses thigh meat.

Ceci e Pepe (Momofuku Nishi)
butter, chickpea hozon, black pepper
—A play on cacio e pepe that substitutes a chickpea paste fermented in-house for nine months for the traditional pecorino Romano.

Greek Paella (MP Taverna)
shellfish, spicy lamb sausage, and orzo
—Three of my favourites in one. Be prepared to work for the shellfish.

Smashed Fries (MP Taverna)
—Every time I visit New York City now, I trek to Astoria for these fries.

Masa Fries (Otto's Tacos)

S'more Fries (Sticky's Finger Joint)
valrhona cocoa powder, roasted marshmallows, crumbled graham crackers

^ Works!

Garlic Bread Croissant (Dominique Ansel Kitchen)
with garlic confit, fontina cheese, and drizzled with rosemary olive oil

Schmaltz Focaccia (Rider)

Chocolo (Arepa Lady)
ground fresh corn

Spicy Rizzak Sandwich (Tiny's Giant Sandwich Shop)
sliced turkey, crispy bacon, melted cheddar, tomato, onion, spicy chipotle mayo on a toasted sesame semolina hero


Birthday Cake Croissant (Union Fare)

Italian Rainbow Donut (Glaze Donuts)

Bone Marrow Doughnut (The Doughnut Project)
stuffed with bone marrow chocolate pastry cream, topped with clementine glaze

Guacamole-Stuffed Onion Rings (Queens Comfort)
sriracha aioli

Kale Crab Rangoon (Olmsted)
sweet and sour sauce

Snap Pea Sushi (Olmsted)

^ Substitutes snap peas for rice.

Carrot Crepe (Olmsted)
little neck clams, sunflower

"Black Bean" Dip and Chips (Lalito)
cannellini beans, squid ink, black garlic, pickled red onion, banana peppers, cotija cheese

Lamb Barbacoa (Lalito)
tamale gnocchi, cumin, oregano

Pork Carnitas (Lalito)
house made flour tortillas, corn nuts, white sauce

Vegan Chicharrones (Lalito)
hot sauce, vinegar, spirulina

^ A play on duros.

Korean Redneck Tacos (Kimchi Smoke)
smoked pork shoulder, fatboy sauce, korean slaw or kimchi, flour tortilla

Kimchi Paella (Thursday Kitchen)
white tiger shrimp, mussels, saffron, caramelized kimchi, parmigiano

(Oca) serves tapioca crepes.

(Ancolie) serves its meals in jars.


Pub Cheese (Alder)
pistachio/white-fig, martin's "potato chips"

^ Instead of beer to loosen and spike the mix of cheddar and cream cheese, Wylie Dufresne used a red wine reduction seasoned with miso and mustard. To this, he added chips made from Martin's potato bread slices that were rolled flat, buttered, and dried in a low oven.

"Pigs in a Blanket" (Alder)
chinese sausage, japanese mustard, sweet chili sauce

French Onion Soup Rings (Alder)
beef gravy, gruyere

Rye Pasta (Alder)
shaved pastrami jerky, chopped pickled green tomatoes, mustard sauce

^ Pasta-rami sandwich.

Root Beer Pudding (Alder)
whipped cream, smoked cashew nougatine, crushed root beer candies

^ A solidified root beer float.

Quail Eggs on Spicy Pork Sausage and Toasted Mantou Slices (Biang!)

Afro / Asian / American Gumbo (The Cecil)
smoked chicken, chinese chicken sausage, gulf shrimp, crabmeat

Lasagna Bolo (Dinnertable)

Smoked Shortrib Tartare (Dinnertable)
horseradish, marble rye

Ramenrrito (Presstea)
—A burrito that substituted ramen for rice.

Monkey Bread (Piora)

Egg (Piora)
chicken wing, potato, artichoke barigoule
—Italian chef kiss.

Soft Egg (Rider)
foie croutons, sweet sherry yogurt, caviar

Chocolate Tart (Rider)
hazelnut "crunch," cinnamon, and fresno chile ice cream

Texas Billionaire Pie (Hill Country Chicken)
bittersweet chocolate, caramel, marshmallows, pecans

'Seinfeld' Broccoli and Cheese Cupcake (Sweets First Bakeshoppe and Cafe)


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

27. Big Ballers (WWE Raw, 06-26-17 / Desus and Mero, 06-27-17)

Honourable Mention

  • Shootout (Preacher, S02E01)

Stray Observations

  • The Nine Inch Nails (Twin Peaks, S03E08)
  • "Would this jog your memory, though, particularly if a cop came in asking?"
    "Sure would not."
    "How you like me now, Jeff?"
    "Not much better."
    "What if we add a hummer?" (Claws, S01E03)
  • "Richard, these are real people, with real crotches, and they're burning." (Silicon Valley, S04E10)
  • "I will not do anything illegal nor unethical, and I will not lie. I already have upwards of 50 burnt perinea on my conscience, Richard. That's enough!" (Silicon Valley, S04E10)
  • Silicon Valley Season Grade: C-
  • "The band is getting back together again!"
    "Who CC'd Mike?
    "I get it. I'm Ringo."
    "No, Amy's Ringo. You're Mark David Chapman's bullet." (Veep, S06E10)
  • Veep Season Grade: D+
  • "They do not put foreskins in face creams. You'd feel those itty-bitty foreskins on you!" (Preacher, S02E01)
  • "Could be a shiteload of foreskin in this here ice cream for all we know." (Preacher, S02E02)
  • "You know there's only three options for any random mass shooting: ISIS, racist white, Asian pushed to the brink by his tiger mom." (The Carmichael Show, S03E06)
  • "I'm taping this, just so you know. If you shoot anyone, you probably'll keep your job, but it's gonna be a rough couple of weeks." (The Carmichael Show, S03E06)
  • "Never blow another man noodles!" (Hood Adjacent with James Davis, S01E01)

(Hood Adjacent with James Davis, S01E01)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show


Looking forward: