The Man Who Would Be King

My first real exposure to David Letterman was in elementary school, when Steve Marsh brought The Late Night with David Letterman Book of Top Ten Lists and The Late Night with David Letterman Book of Top Ten Lists: Roman Numeral Two! to class.

I flipped through them and then expeditiously sought out copies for myself, which I pored over like they were scripture. One listee that I remember just slaying me: Yugo Screw Yourself, from the Top Ten Rejected Model Names for New Cars.

Because I was born the same year that Late Night with David Letterman premiered, most of what I know about his NBC show I gleaned from those books. For me, David Letterman's legacy is the first few years of his CBS show, when Morty was still his producer, when he still did remotes. It was kismet that I discovered him and was an age at which I could appreciate his work at a time when he was playing to win the game.

As time went on, I saw less and less of Dave, until eventually he became just one more face in late night. It happens sometimes. Entertainers come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant.

Although I haven't watched his show regularly in more than ten years, I know I'll miss him forever.

I never had any inspirations later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?

And now, from the home office in Sioux City, Iowa, the Top Ten Things That Come to Mind When I Think of David Letterman:

10. Boutros Boutros-Ghali

9. His championing of Bonnie Hunt, producing not one, but two failed sitcom vehicles for her, and appearing on the former as a thief, albeit clad in a balaclava

8. When Green Day's drummer jumped in the pool behind his desk after performing "86" on Late Show from Los Angeles

7. When he invited John Michael Higgins, who played him in HBO's adaptation of The Late Shift, to be a guest on his show, only to bump Higgins and never ask Higgins back

6. Him spraying Richard Simmons with a fire extinguisher

5. When he donned a suit of chips and was lowered into a tank of dip

4. When he filled his car with 1,200 tacos from Taco Bell

That remote also features a dipstick prank that I wanted to take behind my middle school and get pregnant.

3. This "guy squirts milk out of his eye" Stupid Human Trick

2. "Would you like to buy a monkey?"

1. Andy Kaufman and Jerry Lawler's worked shoot, of which he was oblivious

Kaufman and Lawler were supposed to apologise to each other, followed by Andy singing "What the World Needs Now Is Love." Instead, they fooled the world for 13 years.

Cast of thousands, but we were the real two

Henry Rollins plays Jack, an immortal cannibal who avoids all emotional entanglements, as he either tends to outlive his friends, or eat them. Jack is forced to confront his past when he meets the daughter he never knew he had, and must walk a tight rope of sobriety while trying to eat as few people as possible in a violent tale of personal responsibility. [source]


2015 films I must see:
1. The Wolfpack
2. Prince
3. Doglegs
4. Partisan
5. The Lobster
6. He Never Died

Also spotted at the Cannes Film Market:

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

20. Adam Sandler's Musical Ode to David Letterman (Late Show with David Letterman, 05-12-15)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Less enemies for us."
    "Nothing." (Game of Thrones, S05E05)
  • Don reading The Godfather (Mad Men, S07E13)
  • "He doesn't know you won't get treatment because you love the tragedy." (Mad Men, S07E13)
  • "Sally, I always worried about you because you march to the beat of your own drum. But now I know that's good. I know your life will be an adventure." (Mad Men, S07E13)
  • "Christianity is borderline illegal in Northern California." (Silicon Valley, S02E05)
  • "Do you think maybe you sweat from your urethra?" (Silicon Valley, S02E05)
  • "The British Museum holds the world's largest collection of historical pornography – aside from the Vatican, of course." (Penny Dreadful, S02E02)
  • A doll of Vanessa? (Penny Dreadful, S02E02)
  • "I want to take zucchini to the next level." (Veep, S04E05)
  • "Dead kids. That never sounds good unless you're a stressed out single mom." (Veep, S04E05)
  • "Chung is our answer to Montez. He can be our minority retort." (Veep, S04E05)
  • "It's like Christmas, except happy." (Veep, S04E05)
  • "I think I'd take a soy cap, and Richard?"
    "Uh, eggnog latte, if it's in season. Is it? No, it isn't." (Veep, S04E05)
  • "Jonah here is the guy behind the guy, isn't that right?"
    "Oh, I'm the wheel greaser, I'm the puppet master… A man of many nicknames – poon slayer…when I'm online." (Veep, S04E05)

(Veep, S04E05)

  • "My advice? Tom James."
    "He has a disabled son, check, wounded serving his country, check, is the checklist complete? Yeah." (Veep, S04E05)
  • "Hey, you know what? I got an idea. Why don't we ask Doyle back?"
    [pause] (Veep, S04E05)
  • "You are the worst thing that has happened to this country since food in buckets – and maybe slavery!"(Veep, S04E05)
  • "What a cool guy. You shit ice cubes, you piss snowflakes." (Veep, S04E05)
  • "Why is Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson at dinner?"
    "Well, baby, this is why I brought you here. See, I'm marrying The Rock. He's gonna be your new stepdad."
    "Baby Cakes, your mom is a great lover. She is the best at sucking The Rock off."
    "Fuck you, The Rock! You're not my dad!" (China, IL, S03E06)

(China, IL, S03E06)

  • Bates Motel Season Grade: C-
  • "Armed Forces Day, huh. Why would they put it in May? It's just sitting in Memorial Day's shadow like a military Hanukkah."
    "Fitting that both war holidays have to fight each other over the same month."
    "Notable that the one we remember is the one with the theme of memory." (Community, S06E10)
  • "Then Hillary bought me Dick Cheney's biography. It's awesome. I mean, the dude destroyed Iraq, got rich rebuilding it – hero! Then he shot a guy, and the guy apologized – pimp! That should be the name of his book – Dick Cheney: Hero Pimp!" (Black-ish, S01E23)

(Black-ish, S01E23)

  • "Salty and fatty. Thick as a pork chop. This is the Amber Rose of bacon." (Black-ish, S01E23)
  • "Just like your dad would be okay if one of you thought Kingdom Come was Jay Z's best album." (Black-ish, S01E23)
  • "I'll send everybody home."
    "No, you won't."
    "Yes, I will, Afghanistan."
    "What were you doing in there?"
    "None of your business, Tranquility."
    "Her name is Tranquilit-ay." (Louie, S05E06)
  • "Can you believe this comes out of a cow's pussy?"
    "You know it comes out of their tits, you know that, right?"
    "No. Milk comes out of the tits. Yogurt comes out of the pussy." (Louie, S05E06)
  • The Pen Is Mightier! (Celebrity Jeopardy!, 05-15-15)
  • Amazing Race spirit flags (The Amazing Race, S26E12)
  • A selfie memory challenge? (The Amazing Race, S26E12)
  • The Amazing Race Season Grade: D+
  • Shark Tank Season Grade: B-
  • "This isn't gonna be easy."
    "Why not? We can do this. I mean, remember when we took a stroll through the arboretum?"
    "That was a walk in the park." (Childrens Hospital, S06E09)
  • "She's all yours, Hector. Take care of her."
    "Clocking in Hector Taycarofher." (Childrens Hospital, S06E09)
  • "I got pretty good at masturbating at Princeton." (Childrens Hospital, S06E09)
  • ♫: Nicky Blitz – "Blast Off" (Childrens Hospital, S06E09)
  • Still handcuffed to George Clooney! (Late Show with David Letterman, 05-15-15)
  • "If something is true, it is not sentimental." (Late Show with David Letterman, 05-15-15)
  • "China has banned its soldiers from wearing the new Apple Watch over concerns of cyber security. Said one Chinese soldier: 'But my daughter made it for me.'" (Saturday Night Live, S40E21)
  • Saturday Night Live Season Grade: C-


Nobody barks orders to Mad Max

"Fuck! Goddammit!"

I banged my left knee into a filing cabinet on my way to my bathroom to pee this morning.

Injuring a knee, being unable to do cardio for an extended period of time, and getting fat has replaced gynecomastia as my biggest fear. I have, a number of times, run for 80+ minutes on my left toes, powering through plantar fasciitis in my left foot, because I couldn't stand letting calories go unburned.

Earlier this year, I added lap swimming to my workout rotation to help preserve my knees, but had to stop because the water in my gym's pool was wrecking my sinuses. And while I can afford to pay for access to other 25m+ pools in my area, I also need to save money for possible knee replacement surgeries.

If only those vibrating belt machines worked.

Carnage Asada

Halloween costume: "That thing on Aaron Neville's forehead."

Around 1986, Dave approved my transcribing an old episode of the show, then using this as a script to remake that episode with other actors playing him, Paul, and the guests. Richard Roundtree — Shaft! — was to play Dave.

I once pitched an "interrupt bit" called "What Do You Think of This?" It was simple and to the point. In the middle of the Top Ten, fellow writer and slovenly comedian Louis C.K. walks out to home base, lifts his T-shirt to reveal his engorged fat stomach, then asks Dave, "What do you think of this?"

"All Week Long William F. Buckley Rates the Mustard." The idea was that Mr. Buckley would come in through the blue doors in the NBC studio, hold up a jar of mustard, and eat a teaspoonful. With great importance, he'd ponder the flavor and describe the mustard's most pronounced qualities, then say something like, "That's mama's milk!" or "For intravenous use only!"

After the idea was shot down, I likely resubmitted it suggesting we replace Buckley with Manute Bol.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

19. The Guy From Jeff's Gym (Community, S06E09)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "She does her BM in the PM." (Bob's Burgers, S05E18)
  • "Please limit your alerts to Roy G. Biv." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E21)
  • "I can't make a woman's choice for her. I stand with Wendy! Did I do that right?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E21)
  • "Terry loves lavender." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E21)
  • Lancel engraving his forehead (Game of Thrones, S05E04)
  • "You know nothing, Jon Snow." (Game of Thrones, S05E04)
  • "Carol's a real special lady."
    "Hey. You're a real special lady." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E13)
  • "You are a toilet paper corn dog." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E13)
  • The Last Man on Earth Season Grade: B-
  • "Miller Beer is coming in tomorrow for handshakes on their new idea – diet beer."
    "For ladies?" (Mad Men, S07E12)

"It's an octopus pleasuring a lady." (Mad Men, S07E12)

(Mad Men, S07E12)

  • "I specifically posted a note on the refrigerator saying that the more narrow spoons be reserved for the eating of Fage yogurt by me. Look at this. The angle's all wrong."
    "Aren't you supposed to just tip that little plastic cup part up and dump the jam into the yogurt?"
    "How would you know that? Have you been eating my Fage yogurts?" (Silicon Valley, S02E04)
  • "I've disrupted fatherhood." (Silicon Valley, S02E04)
  • Abu Nazir! (Veep, S04E04)
  • "Man up, Gary, or at least lady down a bit." (Veep, S04E04)
  • "Why in the name of pixelated fuck would you do that?" (Veep, S04E04)
  • "Fine. Inject him with the happy cupcake virus." (Veep, S04E04)
  • "Dead kids baked in the cupcakes." (Veep, S04E04)
  • "We're engaged."
    "No, you're not."
    "Yes, we are."
    "I'm 48!" (Veep, S04E04)
  • "I heard that she's supposed to have the worst of the STDs."
    "No way. A baby?" (China, IL, S03E05)
  • "Dude, get your molesterol checked." (China, IL, S03E05)
  • "A knife is a good friend when you have no other." (Gotham, S01E22)
  • Gotham Season Grade: D+
  • ♫: The Head and the Heart – "Rivers and Roads" (New Girl, S04E22)
  • New Girl Season Grade: D
  • "Do Irish tears not sparkle?" (Modern Family, S06E22)
  • "I'm sorry if they don't talk that way in Lightskinsylvania." (Black-ish, S01E22)
  • "I was a LUG – lesbian until graduation." (Black-ish, S01E22)
  • "Crazy Glazy." (Louie, S05E05)

(Louie, S05E05)

  • ♫: "Diarrhea Song" (Louie, S05E05)
  • "Attention, staff. Bob Odenkirk played a lawyer on Breaking Bad. That is Saul." (Childrens Hospital, S06E08)
  • Jimmy/Steve! (Orphan Black, S03E04)
  • Home video of Kenan = D2: The Mighty Ducks (Saturday Night Live, S40E20)
  • "If you want to fight Floyd Mayweather more than once, you have to date him." (Saturday Night Live, S40E20)


Mujibur and Sirajul

THE LOBSTER is the English language debut of Yorgos Lanthimos (Dogtooth).

In the near future, single people, according to the rules of The City, are arrested and transferred to The Hotel. There they are obliged to find a matching mate in 45 days. If they fail, they are transformed into an animal of their choosing and released into The Woods. A desperate Man escapes from The Hotel to The Woods where The Loners live and falls in love, although it is against their rules.

Adding it to the list. Hoping Lanthimos rebounds from Alps.

2015 films I must see:
1. The Wolfpack
2. Prince
3. Doglegs
4. Partisan
5. The Lobster

Tom is acting crazy about balls

My nine-year-old nephew discovered Magic: The Gathering this year.

While driving him home from school one day, I note that I played Magic when it debuted [true] and [because I like fucking with people] that I had a Black Lotus.

He doesn't know what a Black Lotus is, and just begins quizzing me about Magic.

"How do you a tap a card?"
"Turn it sideways."

"What are the five card colours?"
"Uhh… Red, green, blue, black, and…pink."
"Wrong! Pink is not a colour."
"Pink was one of the original colours."

"What does a Mountain card do?"
"I…don't know."
"Did you really play Magic?"
"Yes, but it's been over 20 years since I last played!"

And I only played it briefly, before foolishly getting in on the ground floor of Jyhad.

The next time I drove my nephew home from school:

"Pink was never a Magic card colour! I looked it up."


He then asks me if he can have my Black Lotus, which I assume he also looked up.

"Uhh… Maybe for your birthday," which is in November. "And only if I can find it. It's somewhere in storage."

Two months pass without any more Black Lotus talk, when this week:

"Do you really have a Black Lotus?"
"Can I have it? A Black Lotus is only worth two cents nowadays."
"I told you. Maybe for your birthday."
"Well, can I at least see your Black Lotus before then to verify that you have one?"
"If I have time to trek to storage and find it."
"Where's storage?"
"Southern California."

"All right, I'll show it to you in July."
"No! I'll be in Taiwan then. [he spends summers in Taiwan with his maternal grandparents] I want to see it by the end of May. And if you don't show it to me by then, you have to give me five dollars."
"And for every month after May that passes without me having seen your Black Lotus, you have to—"
"I'm not paying you interest on failing to show you a Magic card!"

"Why don't I just give you two cents to buy a Black Lotus?"
"There's also tax and shipping…"
"Okay, I'll give you five dollars and two cents – but not until your birthday."

Later that day, I figure that if a Black Lotus is only worth two cents nowadays, I should just buy one and pass it off as my own.

I check eBay.


Lil' fucker lied to me.

Doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break

Every time I see this, I think, "What is a back pitch?"

While I have learned to live with missing or misused apostrophes, missing commas will forever bother me. They are kinda imperative:

Oxford commas more so:

Why are Pitch Perfect 2 and Rihanna not cross-promoting? You know, "Pitch Better Have My Money."

"Pitch Gonna Laugh So Funny"?

Vance Joy's "Riptide" won the 2014 International Songwriting Competition.

The panel of judges included: Avicii, Newsboys, Jon Secada, The Chainsmokers, Béla Fleck, DMC of Run-DMC, and the general manager of Zanies Comedy Club.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

18. Black Widow: Age of Me (Saturday Night Live, S40E19)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Gene Belcher – "I Don't Need Music" (Bob's Burgers, S05E17)
  • Holt's multi-step reaction to the pregnancy news (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E20)
  • "Jake, I get it. Philly sucks." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E20)
  • "Greenwich, Connecticut is built on divorced money!" (Mad Men, S07E11)
  • Lou working for Tatsunoko (Mad Men, S07E11)
  • "You should know that his clan took advantage of the gift of hospitality and murdered my ancestors while they slept."
    "The king ordered it!" (Mad Men, S07E11)
  • Limp Bizkit – "Nookie" (Silicon Valley, S02E03)
  • Russ Hanneman = Mark Cuban? (Silicon Valley, S02E03)
  • "Fuck the light show?!" (Veep, S04E03)
  • "Screwed over by The Police. I'm Rodney fuckin' King." (Veep, S04E03)
  • "#everylittlethingshedoesistragic." (Veep, S04E03)
  • "I see splashes of myself in her. I now regret that phrase." (Veep, S04E03)
  • "Ma'am, cheese is on its way. Here's an interim banana." (Veep, S04E03)
  • "You were firing me?" (Veep, S04E03)

(China, IL, S03E04)

  • "And then I turned around, and like a vampire, I shot into space so goddamn fast. It's like a motherfuckin' piece of god sperm waiting to hit a rock and start life." (China, IL, S03E04)
  • "The night we met, I was going to kill you." (Gotham, S01E21)
  • Brothel broth-lol (Gotham, S01E21)
  • Randall Park (Community, S06E08)
  • "I like my sun on the right and my ocean on the left." (New Girl, S04E21)
  • "You need to learn how to stand up for yourself."
    "Do you know how easy that it is for you to say?"
    "No, no, nothing in English is easy for me to say." (Modern Family, S06E21)
  • "Loosey-goosey parenting like that is what made things like James Franco." (Black-ish, S01E21)
  • Sinbad as Neil deGrasse Tyson (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E15)
  • Pound Sign Battle (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E15)
  • Constance Wu (Childrens Hospital, S06E07)
  • "I just farted some coffee." (Childrens Hospital, S06E07)

(Childrens Hospital, S06E07)

  • Weird Al (Childrens Hospital, S06E07)
  • "We should have been drug dealers years ago." (Orphan Black, S03E03)
  • "In the field, there are only two types of prisoners: assets and liabilities. Be an asset, Willard." (Orphan Black, S03E03)
  • RT: With Aidy Bryant as Manny Pacquiao and Jay Pharoah as Manny Machado, "SNL" was determined to show its diversity is a work-in-progress. (Saturday Night Live, S40E19)
  • Wiz Khalifa is hella skinny (Saturday Night Live, S40E19)
  • "It was reported that students in a school district in Tennessee were served meat that was six years old, which raises the question, 'Where's Tyler?'" (Saturday Night Live, S40E19)


Thought I was a spaceman digging out my heart

While driving my eight-year-old niece to Chinese school today, she asked me what my favourite film is. "Texas Chainsaw?"

"Heh. No. You've seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?!"
"No. Is it set on a train?"
"No, you're thinking of Under Siege 2."

I run outside every day, a 90-minute route around my neighbourhood, and sometimes I have to run past this little boy playing outside, who, whenever he sees me, stops whatever he's doing to chase after me and punch my butt.

I don't know why I elicit such a response from him, and while I don't mind playing along — "Ahh! You got me!" — I am subject to him inexplicably chasing after me and punching my butt up to six times during a run – six undodgeable red shells. I have re-routed runs on the fly to avoid dealing with him again.

And the kids he plays outside with, among which are two teenagers, don't react at all to his behaviour.

Blow steam in the face of the beast


While driving my eight-year-old niece to Chinese school today, she began singing a song about poo poo that transitioned into her spewing expletives and giggling.

Despite being an incorrigible cusser, I was taken aback.

Something about expletives coming out of a pre-teen's mouth has always scandalised me. As a 12-year-old, it shocked me to hear fellow 12-year-old Frank say "shit" at the beginning of the film Milk Money, never mind that the first film I ever saw was RoboCop, which was rated X 11 times before receiving an R.

I wish I could remember when I crossed the threshold from "oooh, he said a bad word" to "eh, fuck it." For all the hand-wringing in America over language, "began openly cussing" is not a life milestone that we consciously pass.


"Mike, Killer"

On the White House Correspondents' Association dinner:

1. Imagine the comedy routines of Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, or Scott Walker.

2. I'm surprised that Ellen has never hosted.

3. John Oliver is totally hosting next year.

4. Richard Pryor hosted in 1968, a month after Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act.

5. Who hosts nearer in the future: A black comedian or Jeff Ross?

There is eclectic, and then there is this:

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

17. Football Town Nights (Inside Amy Schumer, S03E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Cersei has offered a lordship to the man who brings her your head."
    "She ought to offer her cunt. Best part of her for the best part of me." (Game of Thrones, S05E02)
  • RT: Darkly amusing edit, from Tyrion in Essos wondering if Cersei will kill all the dwarves in the world, to a decapitated dwarf head being presented to the queen mother. (Game of Thrones, S05E02)
  • "Oh, farts." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E11)
  • "You were my shade! And my pants!" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E11)
  • "Was your mother Jessica Tandy?" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E11)
  • "Don't listen to Jane Fonda here." (Mad Men, S07E10)
  • "You don't have any character; you're just handsome." (Mad Men, S07E10)
  • "I don't want to be rigid. It makes you old." (Mad Men, S07E10)
  • "The girl I'm fucking was in the Olympics." (Silicon Valley, S02E02)
  • "You know what they say: 'bros disclose.'" (Silicon Valley, S02E02)
  • "Get some sleep, my bros. I'll set the meeting, and then I'll go find some hos to prioritize behind you."
    "Are you trying to say 'bros before hos'? (Silicon Valley, S02E02)
  • The Rose and Crown (Silicon Valley, S02E02)
  • Mariachi band cliffhanger (Silicon Valley, S02E02)
  • "Also: hair. Ask Marianne about electrolysis." (Veep, S04E02)

(Veep, S04E02)

  • "I just wanted to say a friendly 'hello' in an unfriendly way. Hello." (Veep, S04E02)
  • "Catherine, America doesn't like you. It's not that you are unlikable; it's that there's a perception that you are unlikable." (Veep, S04E02)
  • "Customary shortcuts to public affirmation are military service or childbirth." (Veep, S04E02)
  • "Is it pronounced 'Sharlize' or 'Charlize'?"
    "Pretty sure it's 'Sharlize.'"
    "Are you sure? Why?"
    "I don't know, man. She's from Africa. That's just how they say 'C-H' in Africa."
    "So that one African country is called 'Shad'?" (China, IL, S03E03)
  • Pony putting a band-aid on her open fracture (China, IL, S03E03)
  • "Can't a woman get in a freakin' mood for one night without the whole world coming to an end?" (Bates Motel, S03E07)
  • "How much this run pay?"
    "After FICA and Social Security?" (Bates Motel, S03E07)
  • "I've e-mailed every former student who's not in prison – or jail. Everyone remember there's a difference."
    "What's the difference?"
    "You go to jail if a cop doesn't like you. They can't send you to prison without knowing you're poor." (Community, S06E07)
  • "Eat your feet!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E13)
  • The Chinese school teacher (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E13)
  • "Brian?"
    "Topanga?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E13)
  • Fresh Off the Boat Season Grade: B-
  • "I wonder what that's like, somebody constantly questioning your blackness, just because you misquoted the lyrics to 'Ain't No Fun.'"
    "Why would Nate Dogg sing 'and you even lit my halls'?" (Black-ish, S01E20)
  • "People have been hounding me to watch an O.J. movie?" (Black-ish, S01E20)
  • "They only have my body." (The Americans, S03E13)
  • Suicide note on a Commodore 64 (The Americans, S03E13)
  • RT: Sandra: Let's agree to tell each other everything!
    Philip:  :| (The Americans, S03E13)
  • Paige! (The Americans, S03E13)
  • The Americans Season Grade: B+
  • "There are more bicycles in the Netherlands than people." (The Amazing Race, S26E09)
  • Vince Gilligan, Tom Green, and Lil Jon (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E14)
  • "Would you have a meal of chicken tikka masala with me?"
    "That is a typical food of India, which, of course, is where we both are right now." (Childrens Hospital, S06E06)
  • "This erection's for you, Barb." (Trailer Park Boys, S09E01)
  • "The Motel." (Trailer Park Boys, S09E05)
  • "Mow-Em-$ayin." (Trailer Park Boys, S09E06)

(Trailer Park Boys, S09E07)

  • "Neapolitan Charlie." (Trailer Park Boys, S09E07)
  • Bubbles quoting "Beat It" (Trailer Park Boys, S09E07)
  • "Private Dancer, lower your weapon!" (Trailer Park Boys, S09E08)
  • Bubbles parodying "Tiny Dancer" (Trailer Park Boys, S09E08)
  • Sam wants Swiss Chalet (Trailer Park Boys, S09E09)
  • Jacob's "Life Without Horses? …I Don't Think So!" shirt (Trailer Park Boys, S09E09)
  • Trailer Park Boys Season Grade: C-


Burn my lungs and curse my eyes

Remind to use this when Daylight Saving Time ends.

A boy raised from birth to be a hit man begins to recalibrate his moral compass in "Partisan."

Go on…

The movie resembles "Dogtooth" and another recent festival favorite, "The Tribe."

SOLD. Add it to the list!

2015 films I must see:
1. The Wolfpack
2. Prince
3. Doglegs
4. Partisan

The film is set in an unnamed, decaying urban environment, where Gregori (Vincent Cassel) heads what amounts to a cult in an isolated compound. He lives with several women and their children, training the kids for killing missions.

Eater's Digest: Las Vegas

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Oh that "Beef Wellington" looks good. How much is it?


Then I saw the price of the king crab.

Greetings from Las Vegas.

March 2015

yusho / bacchanal buffet at caesars palace / sweets raku / the buffet at wynn / du-par's / district one / o face doughnuts / carson kitchen / bazaar meat / bachi burger / culinary dropout / public house (the venetian) / the buffet at wynn / rose. rabbit. lie. / cravings buffet at the mirage

Gold Stars

Pretzel Bar (The Buffet at Wynn)
—The best buffet item in all of Las Vegas – confectionery crack.

Boneless Chicken Wings Skewer (Yusho)
thai chile, bonito salt, lime

12 oz. Ribeye Skewer (Yusho)
wagyu, mushroom ragout, aonori

Hamachi Kama (Yusho)
thai peanut sauce, coconut slaw, lime

Orange Beer Sorbet (Bacchanal Buffet)

Stella [Strawberry Tiramisu] (Sweets Raku)

Buttermilk Hotcakes (Du-par's)

Root Beer Float Doughnut (O Face Doughnuts)
vanilla pudding, root beer caramel, chocolate covered pop rocks

Cotton Candy Foie Gras (Bazaar Meat)
crispy amaranth

A smidge of fatty liver in a cotton candy cocoon. Not bad, but not worth $8 a pop.

Beef and Parmesan Grissini Carpaccio (Bazaar Meat)
washugyu beef, espuma, caramelized onion purée

Sublime raw meat batons. Totally worth $26.

Cravings To-Go! (Cravings Buffet)
—VEGAS BUFFET TAKE-OUT. All you can fit into a container for $16. I wonder if anyone has done it.

Bacon Jam (Carson Kitchen)
baked brie, toasted baguette

A hot jam, with indiscernible Brie.

Crispy Chicken Skins (Carson Kitchen)
smoked honey

Order this instead.

Pizza Doughnut (O Face Doughnuts)
pepperoni, marinara, fresh mozzarella

Made to order and just wretched. Like a clumsy Hot Pocket.

A Lox and Cream Cheese Doughnut is also available. [shudders]

Caviar Tacos (Rose. Rabbit. Lie.)
wild caviar, yukon gold potato shell, hamachi

The name is misleading. They are petite raw fish tacos topped with caviar.

Fish Tacos (District One)
yellow tail, avocado, cilantro, cherry tomato, serrano pepper

Same raw fish. No caviar. Just as tasty.

Also, you order off an edible menu that, when I visited, was served with an apricot dipping sauce.

Pot au Pho (Rose. Rabbit. Lie.)
filet mignon, beef brisket, foie gras, thai basil nage

A mash-up of pot-au-feu, a French boiled dinner of meat and vegetables, and pho, a Vietnamese noodle soup. No noodles, to my dismay. Just a pho-flavoured pot-au-feu.

Chocolate Terrarium (Rose. Rabbit. Lie.)
chocolate pudding, chocolate buttermilk cake, chocolate "soil," puffed wild rice, crispy chocolate tuile, hazelnut ice cream

Everything under the dome is edible, including the flowers, should you want to eat real flowers.

The puffed rice larvae are a fun touch.

Missed Connections

[$27.77] Golden Jackpot Pancakes (The Pantry)
seven pancakes, seven types of chocolate [milk, white, caramelized white, dolce white, caramel, 64% dark, 66% dark], orange marmalade, whipped cream, 23-karat gold flakes

Live Whole Maine Lobster Pho (District One)
lobster, rice noodle soup

Croquetas de Pollo (Bazaar Meat)
chicken-bechamel fritters

Served in a glass sneaker designed by Salma Hayek's brother.