Choad Work Ahead / Road Head

Which Wu-Tang-Clan-themed poutine are you?

I'm a Pinky Ring.

The Black Lodge is a Twin Peaks-themed vegetarian restaurant in Vancouver, BC.

Portland Craft is a Portland, OR-inspired restaurant in Vancouver, BC. On the menu: A small pickle plate called "We Can Pickle That," and a fried chicken and waffle platter called "Put a Bird on It."

Transylvanian Traditions is a bakery in Vancouver, BC. Its tagline is "The heaven of desserts."

A jambalaya with bacon and black bean salsa? (Cactus Club Cafe)

"biodynamic aged risotto" (Farmer's Apprentice)

Pulled Pork Doughnuts (Twisted Fork Bistro)
"tossed in sea salt with pulled pork juices"

Perogy Poutine (Smoke's Poutinerie)

• Bamboo-Charcoal Dark Miso Ramen (Motomachi Shokudo)
The charcoal powder is said to clean toxins from the body.

Raw Vegan Avocado Key Lime Pie (The Pie Hole)

If JJ Bean and L.L. Bean mated… Jelly Bean.

Keep Vancouver Spectacular

So this is a real thing.

At lunch with Pinder, he notes that tomorrow is a holiday in Canada. It's Good Friday.

Huh. He was serious about Good Friday being a holiday. Good Friday is a national holiday in Canada?!

Good Friday is a national holiday in Canada, but Thanksgiving is not.

Man, chip-and-PIN credit cards, Good Friday off… What else?

What time is it? 8:40pm. Hmm… And the film is at 10:40pm. I think I have enough time to eat dinner in Chinatown.

I rush out of the lobby of my hotel, glance backward to see if any buses are approaching, and [THUNK] briskly walk face first into a pole.

As I type this, my left eyebrow is still swollen.

I reach the cineplex early and kill time in a nearby supermarket, where I encounter

calamari and tzatziki-flavoured potato chips.

I buy a bag to try.

Entering the cineplex, my ticket-taker informs me that no outside food is allowed.

Oh, I'm not gonna eat these during the film. They're for later.

Okay, well, if anyone sees you eating them, you will be kicked out.

I look at my ticket-taker's badge. Name: Bill. Favourite film: A Serbian Film.

At first I was like, "TimePlay? [groan]," but then I was like, "Fuckin' TimePlay. How does it work?"

Chip-and-PIN credit cards, Good Friday off, TimePlay.

Kamloops is sneaky difficult to pronounce.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

16. Goodnight Sweet King (Game of Thrones, S04E02)

"Embedding disabled by request."

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

(Bob's Burgers, S04E17)

  • "Pony Danza." (Bob's Burgers, S04E17)
  • "What's the capital of Horse Valley?"
    "Salt Lick City." (Bob's Burgers, S04E17)
  • Sigur Rós! (Game of Thrones, S04E02)
  • Joffrey gonging Sigur Rós (Game of Thrones, S04E02)
  • "God, I hate Palo Alto." (Silicon Valley, S01E02)
  • "In the hands of the enlightened, hate can be a tool for great change." (Silicon Valley, S01E02)
  • "Mushroom stamp." (Silicon Valley, S01E02)
  • "I don't think that the CEO of Microsoft has paid best friend."
    "Sergey Brin does. Larry doesn't do shit." (Silicon Valley, S01E02)
  • "He's as pointless as Mass Effect 3's multiple endings."
    "Mass Effect 3? Harsh." (Silicon Valley, S01E02)
  • "He rode his bike to San Jose? (Silicon Valley, S01E02)
  • "So you're like the VP of spite?" (Silicon Valley, S01E02)
  • "Sue, apologies, we will continue our pleasant chat at a later date. Abortion calls." (Veep, S03E02)
  • "This is Jonah Ryan, and you are witnessing the birth of Ryantology. I am gonna be updating more than I'm actually dating, which is a shitload." (Veep, S03E02)
  • "Jesus, what a talking gas giant. It's like listening to Jupiter." (Veep, S03E02)
  • "Fuck HuffPo! They should be called 'PuffHo,' because Arianna Huffington is a straight up ho and all they do is puff pieces." (Veep, S03E02)
  • "I will break your legs so severely, you will end up normal height." (Veep, S03E02)

(Mad Men, S07E01)

  • Canter's! (Mad Men, S07E01)
  • RT: I love that Mad Men is now a show about how much happier people are when they move to LA (Mad Men, S07E01)
  • "Cyril's just the Vader to your Palpatine."
    "Is that a reference I should get?"
    "Well, I'm sorry, Lana. I didn't go to rabbinical school."
    "It's from… Never mind. But, spoiler alert: Vader ends up killing Palpatine."
    "But only for three days, right? And then he moves the rock and comes out of his cave stronger than ever."
    "Then he shuts off the tractor beam releasing the Jews from captivity."
    "Yes, now that sounds familiar. Gospel of Luke?" (Archer, S05E12)

(Rick and Morty, S01E11)

  • Guest starring Degrassi's Aislinn Paul and Cassie Steele! (Rick and Morty, S01E11)
  • Rick and Morty Season Grade: A-
  • "Man, I can't wait until I'm 18 so I can pick the way my place smells." (Bates Motel, S02E07)
  • Triple H saying "believe in Evolution" in Alabama (WWE Raw, 04-14-14)
  • "Honey roast." (New Girl, S03E21)
  • "Should we all try to live inside a peach or is that weird?" (New Girl, S03E21)
  • "Son, she compared you to a clam." (Fargo, S01E01)

(Fargo, S01E01)

  • "Norway fuckin' sucks! Kentucky rules!" (Workaholics, S04E13)
  • "Fat as John Candy and not half as cool." (Workaholics, S04E13)
  • Workaholics Season Grade: C+
  • Community Season Grade: C+
  • "That's Dan Savage." (Portlandia, S04E08)
  • "There all is aching." (Review, S01E07)
  • "I like carbonara, but, you know…"
    "Would you fight for one?"
    "No. I mean, Italian food's nice, but it's not like… I'd fight for a curry."
    "I'd fight for a seafood linguine." (The Trip to Italy, S02E03)
  • "Peter, is your social worker in that horse?" (Hannibal, S02E08)
  • Felix in assless chaps (Orphan Black, S02E01)
  • Alison's bedazzled rape whistle (Orphan Black, S02E01)


The Hajj

"What is the purpose of your visit?"
"Uhh… To see the third Trailer Park Boys film at a cinema?"

I used to think a WWE work schedule was glamorous – you know, being in a different city every night – but now, just looking at that map exhausts me.

At least I get to spend time in my two favourite cities in the world.

Vancouver: April 15-19
Seattle: April 19-23
Chicago: April 23-24
Louisville: April 24-26
New York City: April 26-May 2?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

15. Paul Heyman addresses the end of The Undertaker's streak (WWE Raw, 04-07-14)

"The best promo in the history of Raw."

"The greatest promo of all time."

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "It was just two small coincidences."
    "That's what I call my testicles." (Bob's Burgers, S04E16)
  • Linda's psychic noise (Bob's Burgers, S04E16)
  • "Are they confused why Jerry Lewis is calling?" (Bob's Burgers, S04E16)
  • "Everybody sounds like Sandy Duncan to you, mom. Sandy Duncan this, Sandy Duncan that…" (Bob's Burgers, S04E16)
  • "No straight woman wears Adidas." (Shameless, S04E12)
  • "Why didn't you tell me you had a grandfather?"
    "He doesn't have wifi." (Shameless, S04E12)
  • Jimmy/Steve/Jack! (Shameless, S04E12)
  • Shameless Season Grade: A-

(Game of Thrones, S04E01)

  • "Every party in Silicon Valley ends up like a Hasidic wedding." (Silicon Valley, S01E01)
  • "This is Silicon Valley, not….Paris, Texas." (Silicon Valley, S01E01)
  • "It's weird. They always travel in groups of five. These programmers, there's always a tall skinny white guy, a short skinny Asian guy, fat guy with a ponytail, some guy with crazy facial hair, and then an East Indian guy. It's like they trade guys until they all have the right group." (Silicon Valley, S01E01)
  • "Thank you, Dan. FUCK YOU, DAN!" (Veep, S03E01)
  • "That bag of wrist slits got the nomination?" (Veep, S03E01)
  • "All my orgasms have come at once." (Veep, S03E01)
  • "Bray's gonna kill you" chant (WWE Raw, 04-07-14)
  • The crowd chanting for "3MB" at Kane, Batista, and Orton (WWE Raw, 04-07-14)
  • Amir Johnson is the guest judge? (Top Chef Canada, S04E05)
  • "Calm down, Colonel Panic." (Archer, S05E11)
  • "Mike Ducockless!" (Archer, S05E11)
  • "Yeah, I'd like to order one large person with extra people, please."
    "White people. Nononono! Black people. And Hispanic on half." (Rick and Morty, S01E10)
  • "Did you ever consider that, Tokyo Drift?" (From Dusk Till Dawn, S01E05)
  • "This may as well be a slow night in the champagne room for how comfortably erect I'm gonna be watching your bitch ass squirm about." (Justified, S05E13)
  • Not Jimmy! (Justified, S05E13)
  • "So what are you gonna do now, Boyd?"
    "Well, John F. Kennedy said, 'Effort and courage don't mean anything without purpose and direction.' I don't have either, so I'll probably be laying low for a little while." (Justified, S05E13)
  • Justified Season Grade: C+
  • "Squeeze your anus." (The Americans, S02E07)
  • "Is it him?"
    "Am I who?"
    "What is a bundle of sticks? What do you consider a bundle of sticks?" (Workaholics, S04E12)
  • "PopoZãos everywhere." (Workaholics, S04E12)
  • "Press stop on Dave Matthews." (Community, S05E12)
  • "I don't drink alcohol from that portion of the colour spectrum." (Parks and Recreation, S06E19)
  • One week after appearing on Portlandia, Jeff Tweedy appears on Parks and Recreation (Parks and Recreation, S06E19)
  • "LaMarcus Woman." (Portlandia, S04E07)
  • YTMND'd: "I'M GONNA KILL YOU WITH MY DICK!!!" (Review, S01E06)
  • "He's jealous of MY balls." (Kitchen Nightmares, S06E01)
  • "Bing bong rollie jays." (Saturday Night Live, S39E18)


We take the love we feel we earn and leave the rest to burn


Idea: A disaster wipes out 99% of humanity on Earth, and all the male survivors are gingers.

Live Thog: Brick Mansions Trailer

This is similar to Banlieue 13. Did Luc Besson remake his own film?

Yes, yes he did – and with David Belle reprising his role in Banlieue 13!

I know that Banlieue 13 is noted for its parkour, and that David Belle is the founder of parkour, but why would a French dude be living in Detroit's projects? Surely there are Arabs who are adept at parkour.

The director of 13 Tzameti also remade his own film in English.

The Horizon Has Been Defeated

for when I visit Adam Robot this summer

Rory: You want to open a dance studio?
Jon: I feel like it would be easy money. Low investment, high reward. All I need is a space, some mirrors, a handrail, and a teacher.
Rory: Heh. And demand for dance lessons.
Jon: That too, yes. But when business is slow, I can throw some mats on the floor and boom – instant karate studio!

Jon: Combination dance and karate studio. No, combination dance and yoga studio. I don't want to have to spend money on belts and cinder blocks in addition to mats.

Jon: You think someone who can teach both dance and karate exists?

I am wasted but I'm ready

This week thus far on late night television:

Tonight: The Lighter Side of… Retirement

Tomorrow: Here we go with another ridiculous MAD Fall-on

Tweets about Jeopardy! regularly appear in my timeline, and for a long time, I wondered why.

—What's up with all the Jeopardy! tweets? I can't remember the last time I watched.

Then I lived in New York City and realized that there is nothing good on television when Jeopardy! airs on the east coast. Jeopardy! is something decent to watch before primetime programming begins.

On the west coast, when Jeopardy! is on, so is primetime programming.


"I don't want a girlfriend," he said. "I'm totally happy and satisfied with my life right now. Check this out."

He reached under his bed and pulled out a long, glass bong. He held it out to me.

"Look what I did. I modified it," he said proudly.

I took it from him and looked closer. There was something stuffed into the mouthpiece.

"Is that a Fleshlight?" I asked.

"Yeah, I glued it in there. I hot glued it."

"So you smoke weed through a bong that has a fake vaginal opening at the end? You put your mouth on the vagina and take bong rips?"

"Yeah, totally. The smoke can still squeeze through it. I also have sex with it a lot."

I quickly handed the monstrosity back to him.

"Like I said, I don't want a girlfriend. I have everything I need right here," he said. He looked lovingly at the bong and kissed the fleshy mound before carefully sliding it back under his bed.

I left shortly after that. I had a really bad stomach ache.

As I drove home, I realized that I hadn't thought to inspect the bong more thoroughly to see what liquid was in the bottom of it. I was thankful that I hadn't. [source]

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

14. The Best Part Is Going Home (Portlandia, S04E06)


Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "How do we get out?"
    "I think I know how, but it's a little dangerous."
    "Like 'sandwiches with toothpicks in them' dangerous?"
    "Even more dangerous than that."
    "Like eating a bomb?"
    "Blh–in between." (Bob's Burgers, S04E15)
  • Rape attempt on Carl! (The Walking Dead, S04E16)
  • The Walking Dead Season Grade: C
  • "Maybe she's your real mom." (Shameless, S04E11)
  • "At millions of g's, even light bows to gravity." (Cosmos, S01E04)
  • "We've got the whole Breakfast Club in here. I'm Emilio Estevez. Cyril's obviously Anthony Michael Nerd. Mother, you're Paul Gleason. Krieger's the loose cannon Judd Nelson. And Lana, you're…umm…"
    "Wait, seriously? Molly Ringwald."
    "So, what, you think I'm…Ally Sheedy?!"
    "Are you all just saying random words?" (Archer, S05E10)
  • "If I die out there, I want a coffin that looks like an Air Jordan shoebox, and I want the priest to be Bokeem Woodbine." (Chozen, S01E10)
  • "Assassin's Creed is bullshit!" (Chozen, S01E10)
  • Chozen Season Grade: C+
  • "I'm looking for Bryan Fuller." – inside television! (Bates Motel, S02E05)
  • Having sex to Drake! (Bates Motel, S02E05)
  • "That is a silver tongue."
    "I know I got a boner." (Justified, S05E12)
  • "The anus is on you." (Justified, S05E12)
  • "Worldstar!" (Justified, S05E12)
  • "That party's full of sophomores. Those women have lived." (Modern Family, S05E19)
  • "Just 'cause you light-skinned, that don't make you a doctor." (Workaholics, S04E11)
  • Keri Russell's naked backside! (The Americans, S02E06)
  • Reagan! (The Americans, S02E06)
  • "I did DJ a little back in the day. I had a show called Zoot Suit Wyatt." (Parks and Recreation, S06E18)
  • Donna dated Coach K! (Parks and Recreation, S06E18)
  • "I only listen to CDs. It's the way music like this was meant to be heard." (Parks and Recreation, S06E18)
  • Greg Pikitis! (Parks and Recreation, S06E18)
  • Jeff Tweedy! (Portlandia, S04E06)

(Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule, S03E06)

  • Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule Season Grade: C+
  • "Jude Law's 40-plus."
    "He doesn't look it, does he? He hasn't aged like you and I."
    "Well, he's balding."
    "Yeah, but he's got that face."
    "Yeah, he's got that really young bald look." (The Trip to Italy, S02E01)
  • "I can Hardy understand what he's saying." (The Trip to Italy, S02E01)
  • "Game's very good for you. It's the equivalent of eating Mo Farah." (The Trip to Italy, S02E01)
  • "There's a common emotion we all recognize and…not yet named – the happy anticipation of being able to feel contempt." (Hannibal, S02E06)
  • "They're varicose vines." (Hannibal, S02E06)
  • "He is attracted to medical and psychological fields because they offer power over man. Cannibalism…cannibalism is an act of dominance." (Hannibal, S02E06)
  • "Last time someone rang my doorbell this early, it was a census taker." – Silence of the Lambs reference! (Hannibal, S02E06)


Eine Kleine Nachtmusik

I've been listening to disc one of Michael Jackson's HIStory a lot while driving.

Some thoughts:

1. "Billie Jean"

Idea: "Billie Jean '14."

@Billie_Jean is not my lover
She's just a guy who claims that I am the one
But the pic is not my junk

People always told me be careful of what you do
Don't go around sharing private parts

I fancy myself as a millennial Frank Jacobs.

3. "Black Or White"

How does anyone not fast forward through the minute-long bootleg Macaulay Culkin/George Wendt prologue?

How did George Wendt get that role? Was John Candy unavailable?

John Candy's death is one of the few celebrity deaths to jar me. John Candy, Phil Hartman, Chris Benoit. I remember where I was when I learned that John Candy died — renting The Bodyguard on laserdisc.


This song features both a bridge and a rapper guest spot. Normally, in a pop song, isn't a rapper guest spot also the bridge?

I wonder what the first pop song to feature a rapper was.

6. "Bad"

Your butt is mine – Best opening lyric ever?

Imagine a 66-year-old Michael Jackson singing Your butt is mine at Coachella.

Michael doesn't provide any examples of how bad he is. The lyrics are empty posturing. This song is all Quincy. Dat rhythm guitar!

Michael on The Dirty Dozens: "Your mama's so bad, she's really really bad."

Ain't nothing bad about an organ solo.

We can change the world tomorrow
This could be a better place
If you don't like what I'm saying
Then won't you slap my face

Who would disagree that the world could be a better place?

Michael speaks softly; "Bad" is his big stick.

10. "Beat It"

"Beat It" is odd, a song about being a dove presented in a hawkish manner. Michael sings with such urgency about pacifism.

5. "She's Out Of My Life"
7. "I Just Can't Stop Loving You"
11. "The Girl Is Mine"

I don't care for Michael's… "Ballads" is the wrong word. Softer songs? His softer songs are snoozefests to me.

12. "Remember The Time"

Michael's riffing over the chorus in the final third of this song is sublime. So raw and soulful.

13. "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough"

Michael's voice is kinda unrecognisable here.

Now I want to listen to "Canned Heat" by Jamiroquai.

15. "Heal The World"

Why did Michael leave "Smooth Criminal" off HIStory?

Bonus disc two thoughts:

2. "They Don't Care About Us"

The instrumental is straight fire.

Idea: A mash-up of "They Don't Care About Us" and "Black Skinhead."

Fire consumes all. Water cleanses.

[flips through local alt-weekly]

Events calendar. Cello Joe?

Cello Joe
Cello Joe is a dude in flip flops and a fedora, with a mic, a loop pedal and, of course, a cello. He combines these three instruments to make some pretty weird music-think hip-hop cello with hippy-dippy lyrics about the harmfulness of materialism, luxury cars and television. [source]


Wait, could this be… Is this Joey Chang?

[googles "cello joe"]

Yup, it's him.

Joey was two years ahead of me in K-12, and, as a cellist myself, I orbited his notoriety. Last I heard, he spent his days post-high school playing a cello on the sidewalks of downtown Palo Alto.

"What is he doing with his life?" I wondered.

Odd family, the Changs. Asian father, white mother. Square older brother guest-lectured in my eighth grade science class. Younger sister ran away to Seattle with a Mexican dude during high school.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

13. Bike messenger Spyke gets a car (Portlandia, S04E05)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Beefer Sutherland" (Bob's Burgers, S04E14)
  • "A nice thick layer of chocolate squares make up the base, couple of handfuls of crushed pretzels, top it all off with marshmallows, and voilà! Teddy Brûlée." (Bob's Burgers, S04E14)
  • "Oh that jet is right on my back. Ohh, that's a lumbar paradise." (Bob's Burgers, S04E14)
  • "This is an erection-free bus." (Total Divas, S02E02)
  • RT: "why doesn't anybody on the walking dead ride a goddamn bike?" (The Walking Dead, S04E15)
  • Glenn and Maggie – Desmond and Penny they ain't (The Walking Dead, S04E15)
  • Carl Grimes: Post-Apocalyptic Litterer (The Walking Dead, S04E15)
  • Robert Hooke is The Penguin? Gru? (Cosmos, S01E03)
  • The History of Fish (Cosmos, S01E03)
  • "Sweetie, let mommy do her drug dealing." (Shameless, S04E10)
  • "Are you robbing me with my own fuckin' gun?" (Shameless, S04E10)
  • "Hannah, you got into Iowa. You fucking go." (Girls, S03E12)
  • Girls Season Grade: C+
  • Christian Slater (Archer, S05E09)
  • "You are a timid man, Cyril."
    "What? No, I'm not."
    "Dude, your balls are made of pussy." (Archer, S05E09)
  • "If we did sleep together, you'd remember." (Bates Motel, S02E04)
  • "Some voids can't be filled with Jamba Juice." (Rick and Morty, S01E09)
  • "Your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded."
    "Ooh. Oh boy, Rick. I don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know."
    "Uhh, Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. I'm stating the fact that if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded."
    "Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing."
    "Well, that's retarded." (Rick and Morty, S01E09)

(WWE Raw, 03-24-14)

(From Dusk Till Dawn, S01E03)

  • "I sent him a bunch of drunk texts last night."
    "Oh dear Lord… 'I miss the way that your hands smell'? Did you write an entire Jewel song in here?" (New Girl, S03E20)
  • "I always thought I'd move back to Portland."
    "Oh. Portland, Earth?"
    "It's like friendly San Francisco." (New Girl, S03E20)
  • "The name of my first-born child has to be Reginald VelJohnson." (New Girl, S03E20)
  • Nick likes Circa Survive (New Girl, S03E20)
  • "You can't handle the me!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E22)
  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season Grade: B
  • "Could I just quickly point out our luxury bath service, sir? We have five outrageously decadent baths that I can prepare for you at a moment's notice. I should just point out, though, that our Pharoah's Fantasy does take a dash longer, normally, because our Nubian lives off-site." (Modern Family, S05E18)
  • "I'm a shaving butler up on Plus." (Modern Family, S05E18)
  • "That's probably the Cuban I ordered for you." (Modern Family, S05E18)
  • "If I'm not Bowser, I'm definitely freakin' Wario. I'm no bitch ass Toad."
    "I'm not even in the same game as you bitches. I'm in Diddy Kong Racing, baby."
    "Wait a second. If we're changing games, I'm Pierce Brosnan in 007." (Workaholics, S04E10)
  • RT: "I was kind of surprised they went there with the sound. I can't really recall another scene in a TV drama where a character shits, but it's played naturally, without comedy. So kudos to the foley person for their shit work." (The Americans, S02E05)
  • RT: "Philip doesn't believe in double wiping." (The Americans, S02E05)

Arnold Schwarzenegger does the stanky legg (106 and Park, 03-27-14)

  • "My earlier attempt to live as Batman was halfhearted jest, the stuff of Schumacher." (Review, S01E04)
  • "Being Batman: four stars." (Review, S01E04)
  • "This car is the default setting."
    "It's like it was designed while someone was sleeping or something."
    "And then one guy was like, 'We should put some wipers on the headlights.' That guy got fired." (Portlandia, S04E05)
  • "Clapton probably just signs guitars specifically for memorabilia cafés." (Portlandia, S04E05)
  • "Take that poison, boy!" (Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule, S03E05)
  • "Oldest trick in the diaper book." (Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule, S03E05)
  • "Mobin couldn't hack it." (Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule, S03E05)
  • "We're insulting you in semaphore." (Enlisted, S01E09)

Keith David in a milk bath (Enlisted, S01E09)

  • "We evolved the ability to communicate disappointment to teach those around us good manners." (Hannibal, S02E05)
  • Hitler 'stache dissolve (Hannibal, S02E05)
  • "You're a nurse at the hospital. You're setting a new standard of care." (Hannibal, S02E05)


Looking forward…

I got more money than Boomer Esiason

The Closer – of arteries!

Enjoy it with The Middle Reliever, a Pepto-Bismol shake.

Shouldn't it have fries in it too? Because…Pittsburgh.

The Starter: Nine types of fries (regular, curly, shoestring, waffle, crinkle, steak, sweet potato, wedge, tater tots) tossed with deep-fried balls of Heinz ketchup.

There's a house built out in space

At an extended family dinner: "My sister's children's favourite restaurant is The Village Pub."

Me, in my head: [spit-take] Your sister's children's favourite place to eat is a Michelin-starred $$$$ restaurant?

"They love the pasta."



Previously on Adam Riff™:
I don't think [B] trusts me with her kids, never mind that I pick them up from school, like, every other day.

Jon: M, let's go.
Classmate: Are you M's father?
Jon: Heh. No. My son lives in Japan and is in junior high.

S: I'm hungry!
Jon: Okay… What do you want to eat?
S: Ice cream!
Jon: Ice cream. Ah. What flavour? Chocolate? Strawberry?
S: Salted caramel!
Jon: [pause]

Jon: What are you doing?
M: Making an RPG with my friend.
Jon: Via Google Drive?

Jon: B, how did you find this school where first-graders use Google Drive and third-graders analyze scenes from Gravity in class?

Lakini's Juice


Cracker is still together?

"Woo-hoo! Outkast said yes! How much money does that leave us for the undercard?"

Rory: Countyfairchella.

Jon: Heh. Now I want to listen to "Hook."

Jon: [air harmonica] Suck it in suck it in suck it in if you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn…
Rory: [pause]

Jon: Remember when Weezer toured playing their "Blue Album" and Pinkerton in full on consecutive nights? Third Eye Blind should do that with their self-titled debut and Blue.
Rory: Josh Karlin-Resnick would like that.

Jon: According to Wikipedia, Ed Kowalczyk didn't leave Live until 2009 — 2009!
Jon: Also: Live is still together!

Jon: Huh. Fairweather Johnson isn't on Spotify.

Jon: Remember when Hootie appeared on Letterman, like, every month?