Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

48. Staple Gun (Getting On, S03E03)

Stray Observations

Stray Observations

  • "A doula is someone who supports you emotionally and physically and coaches you through the process."
    "Oh, I see. So sort of like a vaginal Gandalf." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E08)
  • "Prayer circle by the solar panels." (The Walking Dead, S06E07)
  • "I'm coming." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E08)
  • I call for a moratorium on using "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed (The Last Man on Earth, S02E08)
  • Why does computer-generated blood still look so terrible? (Into the Badlands, S01E02)
  • "She just wants to promote her homeopathic vaginal cream made out of oyster shells, Cocoa Puffs, and hummus." (Getting On, S03E03)
  • "The world is not at war with women."
    "I'm in Pakistan. Shoot me in the head. I'm in India. Rape me. I'm in Saudi Arabia. Don't let me drive. I'm Kenyan now. Cut out my genitalia. I'm a Filipino nanny in Dubai. Beat me." (Getting On, S03E03)
  • "Who wants to man my anal horn booth?" (Getting On, S03E03)

(WWE Raw, 11-23-15)

(WWE Raw, 11-23-15)

  • ♫: Jethro Tull – "Locomotive Breath" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • RT: One of the murdered Gerhardt affiliate characters was named Roost Bolton (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "In astronomy, the word 'revolution' means 'a celestial object that comes full circle,' which, if you think about it, is pretty funny, considering here on Earth, it means 'change.'" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "Walk her out, huh?"
    "What about you?"
    "I'm not saying don't come back…" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "So this need for conquest, you know, trying to own things that aren't meant to be owned…"
    "Like people?"
    "That's an example…" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • Ron Swanson is "The Breakfast King of Loyola," heh (Fargo, S02E07)
  • RT: Because nothing says "we are totally not transporting drugs and weapons" like naming your business Legit Trucking (Fargo, S02E07)
  • ♫: White Denim – "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "Timothy Olyphant is…Rake Grinder." (The Grinder, S01E08)
  • "The Big Easy…just got hard." (The Grinder, S01E08)
  • "That's not a baby bump. That's a poo belly!" (Scream Queens, S01E10)

Arnold Schwarzenegger's son (Scream Queens, S01E10)

  • "When you next look at this liquid, you will realize that it's not whiskey you've been drinking your whole life, but your mother's feces."
    "Sometimes this comes a bit too easily to you." (The Knick, S02E07)
  • Ping Wu orgasming while sucking Bono's daughter's toes (The Knick, S02E07)
  • "You should be pregnant!" (The Knick, S02E07)


Eater's Digest: Vancouver, BC 2

Previously on Adam Riff™: Eater's Digest: Vancouver, BC

October 2015
tacofino commissary / papparoti / terra breads / laurelle's fine foods / hawksworth / bella gelateria / purebread / phnom penh / tuc craft kitchen / ask for luigi / meat and bread

Crispy Chicken Taco (Tacofino Commissary)
black chili mayo, brussels sprout kimchi, radish sprouts, radish, green onion

Chicken karaage, to be exact.

Tuna Taco (Tacofino Commissary)
soy, sesame, wakame, ginger, wasabi mayo

This taco can't decide if it wants to be a taco or poke, and suffers as a result.

Pork Jowl Taco (Tacofino Commissary)
cabbage, fried shallot, pineapple, sriracha

Banana Churros (Tacofino Commissary)
ibarra chocolate, banana sriracha ice cream

Grape Bread (Terra Breads)
pine nuts, walnuts

Grapes are an underused pastry ingredient. Why do we settle for raisins?

Hawksworth was named the best restaurant in Vancouver, and the second best restaurant in all of Canada.

Chef Hawksworth loves green apple.

Yellowfin Tuna (Hawksworth)
kombu pickled cucumber, yuzu soda

A seemingly seamless sphere of tuna.

Hamachi Sashimi (Hawksworth)
yuzu kosho, tangerine, kohlrabi, shiso, crispy potato

Raw fish and curly fries? Delicious, actually.

Foie Gras Crème Brûlée (Hawksworth)
beet, orange, gingerbread

This ain't no crème brûlée I've ever seen.

Scallops Baked in Bone Marrow (Hawksworth)
parsley, brioche, lemon

Faloodeh Sorbetto (Bella Gelateria)
—Rose water sorbet with rice noodles mixed in – a play on one of the earliest known frozen desserts.

Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey Gelato (Bella Gelateria)
Banana Bread Gelato (Bella Gelateria)

Adults Only Cookie (Purebread)
dark chocolate, sea salt, rosemary

The rosemary adds a mint flavour. It's a mint chocolate cookie without mint.

Lemon Chèvre Brownie (Purebread)
—Lemon-flavoured goat cheese in a brownie is odd, but works.

Raspberry Mocha Loaf (Purebread)

Marinated Butter Beef (Phnom Penh)
—Vietnamese carpaccio. A tad too sweet for me.

Beef Brisket and Pork Crackling Sandwich (Tuc Craft Kitchen)
double r ranch brisket, sourdough bread, dijon mustard, assorted pickles, salsa verde, served with smashed potato fries

Its parts are better than the sum.

Crispy Bucantini and Fontina Crocchette (Ask For Luigi)
—Classier deep-fried mac and cheese.


Matcha and Dark Chocolate Butter (Churn)
—That's butter flavoured with matcha and dark chocolate.

Nanaimo Bar Spring Roll (Noodlebox)
coconut dipping sauce

Deep-Fried Nanaimo Bar (Pirate Chips)


Eater's Digest: Seattle 3

Previously on Adam Riff™:

October 2015
eden hill / crumble and flake / li'l woody's / kraken congee / mammoth / hot cakes / pie bar / joule / nue / slab sandwiches and pie / salumi / pizzeria gabbiano

—What is a hydro-ceramic technician?

[googles "hydro-ceramic technician"]

—Oh. He's a dishwasher.

Lick the Bowl (Eden Hill)
foie gras cake batter, strawberry chips, vanilla, salted pound cake

Baby Beets (Eden Hill)
balsamic honey emulsion, sharp cheddar dust, farro, pumpkin yogurt, harissa

Pig Belly Confit Salad (Eden Hill)
pickled grape, horseradish, celeriac, honey cayenne cashew

Sugar Pumpkin Ricotta Gnocchi (Eden Hill)
crispy kale sprouts, sage creme fraiche, manchego, pepita

Ricotta Donut (Eden Hill)
buttered popcorn, salted goat milk caramel, marcona almond, orange peel


Crispy Pig Head Candybar (Eden Hill)
merlot cabbage, serrano, pear and champagne soup

It's a croquette.

Walnut Prawns
miso cured broccoli, fir tip syrup, candied walnut sponge cake

Fancy Chinese food.

Peach and Goat Cheese Danish (Crumble and Flake)
I will eat anything that contains goat cheese.

Crack Fries (Li'l Woody's)
hand cut fries with a bit of milkshake to dip in

I learned after the fact that dipping fries in a milkshake is something people do at Wendy's?

I assumed that the crack fries would be a tried-and-true pairing, but was asked to select a milkshake flavour.

—Mint chip?!

I selected Sub Pop (coffee, chocolate espresso beans, caramel).

Bang Bang Shrimp Pinch Buns (Kraken Congee)
cucumber, peppers, chives

Never mind the congee*, it's all about these buns filled with trash Chinese food.

Jon: What does your housemade five-spice soda taste like?
Server: It's like five-spice broth, but carbonated.
Jon: [winces]

* as seen on CNBC's Restaurant Startup

Hash (Joule)
potato hash, chili remoulade, smoked mackerel salad

Joule's brunch is interesting. Your order an entrée and supplement it at a modest buffet that rotates themes monthly. At my brunch, the buffet was a Persian buffet.

Nue: Food of the world.

Balut – Vietnamese Hot Vit Lon (Nue)
developed duck egg, assorted herbs, salt, pepper, lime juice

My first balut. I braced for the worst, but was served was a much less developed duck embryo than ones I've seen on Survivor. It was also overcooked, so it was like eating a liver-y hard-boiled egg with unusual textures.

Korean Bibam Naengmyeon (Nue)
spicy, chilled buckwheat and sweet potato noodles; lotus root, shiitake mushroom, daikon, carrot, cucumber, egg, toasted sesame, scallion, fried shallot, pineapple gochujang sauce

The best thing I ate in Seattle this trip.

Maracas Shark and Bake (Nue)
pacific cod, green seasoning, fry bread, cabbage slaw, tamarind and habanero chili sauces, coconut corn cobette

A fish sandwich with stunning bread.

Grilled Barbados Pig Tails (Nue)
jerk glaze, cilantro

Stick to your teeth.

Mexican Street Corn-Flavoured Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream (Nue)
Carried by its crunchy corn topping.

Pineapple Cornbread (Nue)
pineapple, coconut, butter

Tony: These chips I bought are really spicy. You want to try one?
Jon: Sure. [grabs chip from bowl]
Tony: Erm, not that one. I took a bite of it and couldn't… It was really spicy.
Jon: Oh. Yeah, this is really spicy.

In my search for pie, I stumbled upon Slab, whose dessert pies are sandwiches. And, like ice cream cookie sandwiches, they are difficult to eat without squeezing filling out.

Seasonal Fruit Slab Pie with Turbinado Sugar (Slab Sandwiches and Pie)
peaches, blueberries, vanilla, golden corn crusts

Smore Slab (Slab Sandwiches and Pie)
smoked marshmallow, chocolate ganache

PB Chicha (Slab Sandwiches and Pie)
peanut butter cookies, peanut butter mousse, chicharrones

Peanut butter and pig skin sandwich cookies.


Geoduck Crudo (Eden Hill)
sorbet of cucumber, celery, and gin; evergreen huckleberry and umeboshi relish, red shiso, radish, chive

Ebbets Field Burger (Li'l Woody's)
honey mustard, cracker jacks, swiss, bacon, ⅓ lb. patty, pretzel bun

Beer and Peanuts Milkshake (Li'l Woody's)


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

47. Calzone Cadaver (Nathan for You, S03E06)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Heidi Fleiss Capades." (Bob's Burgers, S06E05)

"My cover makes me invisible." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)

  • "My butt is so serious, it should be wearing spectacles." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)
  • "Okay, for the last time, Orangina is not orange soda!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)
  • "Move aside, Ed." (Gotham, S02E09)
  • Ted Danson talking about crime scene investigation (Fargo, S02E06)
  • "You're talking about farm boys, who've never been face to face with a serious man before."
    "Whereas I stared down Chiang Kai-shek." (Fargo, S02E06)
  • Karl Weathers (Fargo, S02E06)
  • ♫: Blitzen Trapper – "Man of Constant Sorrow" (Fargo, S02E06)
  • Todd pronouncing Farouk's last name (The Grinder, S01E07)
  • "Pearl Jam?! That's what I'm calling mayonnaise from now on." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Why do you look like a taxi cab?"
    "I'm straight-edge ska now. Happy skanksgiving." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Why do you smell like a Korean hotel?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Get those off the wine bottles and back on the damn gourds!" Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Sacagawea taught the pilgrims how to make cranberry sauce and then, like, sang 'Blue Corn Moon' or something." (Scream Queens, S01E09)
  • "Nice shirt."
    "Thank you. You know what it's made out of?"
    "Boyfriend material." (Scream Queens, S01E09)
  • Of course Kurt Sutter's character self-immolates. Of course (The Bastard Executioner, S01E10)
  • The Bastard Executioner Season Grade: D-
  • "I respect you vloggers and bloggers and you whatevers." (Empire, S02E08)
  • "This is not a bad haircut. This is the starting five for the San Antonio Spurs." (Black-ish, S02E08)
  • "That's such a Rhonda way of looking at things." (Black-ish, S02E08)
  • ♫: The Cure – "Lullaby" (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • Rudolph Valentino is a vampire (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • F. W. Murnau is the vampire who turned Rudolph Valentino (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • "That's why I made you this condolence hummus. My own tears are mixed in with the cumin." (The League, S07E11)
  • "I heard they [Jews] chew on your shoelaces."
    "Uhhh, I think that's goats." (The League, S07E11)

"First, we find this piece of shit doctor that killed her."
"Ooh, he looks exactly like a piece of shit."
"I'm gonna be honest. I couldn't find a picture of the doctor, so I took a picture of my shit in scrubs."
"Where'd you find those little tiny scrubs?"
"Oh. No, that's a four-foot shit." (The League, S07E11)

  • "Be lei'd to rest in Hawaii." (Nathan for You, S03E06)
  • "In this post-Pearl Harbor world, people don't trust their fellow man the way they once did." (Nathan for You, S03E06)
  • "Is that…?"
    "Your spiritual centre, Ash. The place that makes you most happy."
    "Jacksonville, Florida." (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E04)
  • "I've always wanted to spend time in the city so nice they named it 'Jacksonville.'" (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E04)
  • "Jessica Jones, you are a hard-drinking, short-fused mess of a woman, but you are not a piece of shit." (Jessica Jones, S01E06)
  • "Backseat Freestyle" (Jessica Jones, S01E06)
  • "I want cake!" (Jessica Jones, S01E08)
  • "Bitches, right?" (Jessica Jones, S01E08)
  • "I got hit with a People's Choice Award." (Jessica Jones, S01E11)
  • "'Horse fetishists in Central Park.'"
    "'Magic word is wankers.'" (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • "I hope they have free express shipping in Heaven." (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • "You really are a little anal crumpet, aren't you?" (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • Jessica Jones Season Grade: D+


Sound and Colour

I am chuffed (I think) to present Backwash, a podcast by Adam Robot and I.

1. Magnifying Glass / Parking Brake
2. With Bob and David / Sketch Comedy
3. Cassette Tape Revival / VCR Plus / LaserDisc
4. Late Night Talk Show Hosts
5. Michael Rapaport's Laugh

Adam Robot is higher on episode one than I am. I think it's hit–and–miss, but…onward and upward.

We are on pace to release an episode weekly.

All in the Family

As you head down to baggage claim in terminal one at LAX, you are greeted by Vin Diesel hang-gliding an attack helicopter.

1. Hobbs

2. Young Han Seoul-Oh

3. Evil Letty


As head of the Mobility Division of the Special Air Service, Owen Shaw specialized in a unique brand of "vehicular warfare," operating military vehicles and displaying a high degree of competency in motor mechanics and repair, as well as being an expert at desert warfare. [source]

5. The continuing misadventures of Tego and Rico

6. Mr. Nobody × Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

7. Tokyo Drift 2: Clay, Sean's adversary at the beginning of Tokyo Drift, surfaces in Japan seeking revenge on Sean for ruining his life. Parlay this sequel into a parallel franchise à la CSI: Miami set in Asian/Oceanian countries with Sean as its Dom – Far East and Furious

8. Roman Holiday: Roman drives cross-country to Universal Studios Orlando. Sequels: Roman European Holiday, Roman Christmas Holiday, Roman Vegas Holiday

9. Fast and Furious × American Graffiti. 1950/1960s cars. Dom's father?

Drew: What about a young Dom origin story? Boosting IROCs in the '80s or something?
Jon: Dom was born on August 29, 1976, though. It would have to be an early '90s film – Straight Outta Echo Park.

Nobody can drag me down

Blackhearts is a feature-length documentary film that explores the lives of three extreme black metal fans – from Iran, Colombia, and Greece – as they travel to Norway, the birthplace of black metal music.

As Luciferian plans its trip, it becomes clear to Hector that fulfilling visa application requirements will be challenging. He seeks advice from his Satanic mentor in Colombia, the "Black Pope," and organizes a formal ritual of selling his soul to the Devil to obtain the visa.

Some of the rewards for Blackhearts' Indiegogo for post-production funds are amazing:

"Starting now, you are not to blink. If you blink, we go back to the start."

This severely burned leather wristband with soot-blackened nails, worn by Frost, was left mostly unwearable from fire damage. ONLY 1 AVAILABLE!

Also includes a fully functional volume pedal.

An executive producer credit is only $1500? Hmm…

Byzantine-Latino Quarter

truTV Celebrates the Holiday Season With The Ultimate Christmas Competition "Santas in the Barn"

Ten Santas from across the country are brought to live in a barn to compete with each other in an array of challenges showcasing their holiday skills, from chimney climbing and gift wrapping, to milk and cookie chugging and gingerbread-house building.

Why are they living in a barn?

These would-be St. Nicks have to vote out their peers over the course of 8 episodes, all counting down to a Christmas Eve grand finale where the last Santa standing will win $100,000 and the title of America's Best Santa!

Santa tribal council!


I feel comfortable judging this book by its cover.

Hair Jacked
Host Jon Gabrus ambushes unsuspecting hair salon clients with lively and twisted pop culture games that can pay up to $10K or leave them with the most outrageous haircut of their lives.

You could also do this at a laundromat and fuck up people's clothes as punishment.

In this guerilla-style game show, contestants must choose random people in a public place – based solely on their appearance – to answer questions on their behalf.

I'm curious to see how many people with brown or black skin are chosen.

I think this concept only works if everyone in the public place looks similar — white male Santas in a barn, for example.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

46. Brain Probe (The Knick, S02E05)

Honourable Mention

  • Secret Washroom Meeting (Getting On, S03E01)
  • Cunt (With Bob and David, S01E03)

Stray Observations

  • Gayle is EXCRUCIATING (Bob's Burgers, S06E04)
  • "I hate it when you argue. It reminds me of when my dad used to fight with my best friend, my mom." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E06)
  • RT: Typing like that, there's no way Saul knows UNIX command line (Homeland, S05E06)
  • Liquid waffle (The Last Man on Earth, S02E06)
  • The Barbet anal horn (Getting On, S03E01)
  • "I understand that you're having a tsunami, but we need to talk." (Getting On, S03E01)
  • "Who's we?"
    "Me and my Deep Throat." (Getting On, S03E01)
  • Well, this was unexpected (Fargo, S02E05)
  • The coda to Charlie being unable to go through with shooting Ed (Fargo, S02E05)
  • Reagan responding to Lou's war history with his work on a World War II movie (Fargo, S02E05)
  • ♫: The Dramatics – "Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get" (Fargo, S02E05)
  • "No pizza parties with a rat." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E07)
  • "No gyros from the food court. I don't trust meat without bones." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E07)
  • "Can I stop wearing underwear?"
    "No, we are not poets." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E07)
  • Jamie Lee Curtis re-creating her mother's shower scene in Psycho (Scream Queens, S01E08)
  • "My phone game is Dolemite, but my in-person game is Sinbad." (Black-ish, S02E07)
  • ♫: Depeche Mode – "One Caress" (American Horror Story, S05E06)
  • "Mr. Wu does not pay for pussy." (American Horror Story, S05E06)

Lady Gaga's son (American Horror Story, S05E06)

  • "You cannot trust a Jewish ninja." (South Park, S19E07)
  • "Do you even know what 'farm to table' means?" (South Park, S19E07)
  • "Mexicans: America's Pakis." (You're the Worst, S02E10)
  • "I thought all English people were fancy, but these are like Alabama English people." (You're the Worst, S02E10)
  • "I saw him sucking some dick for a Magic card." (You're the Worst, S02E10)
  • "What's the loophole?"
    "Theatre law." (Nathan for You, S03E05)
  • Roadblock: Identify Jewish food (The Amazing Race, S27E08)
  • 72 virgins (With Bob and David, S01E02)

(With Bob and David, S01E02)

  • With Bob and David Season Grade: D-


It looks like our favorite dad was drugging girls


I have mixed feelings about Jim Rome saying that fallen soldiers made the ultimate sacrifice. "Sacrifice" suggests intent, and no one joins the military to die. When a construction worker falls to his or her death, we don't regard it as a sacrifice of life, but rather an occupational hazard.

Chlorine and Wine

In a dream last night, I struggled to come up with a word that rhymes with "Catholic."

When I awoke from that dream, I reached for my mobile and googled "rhymes with Catholic."

"Affleck"? [checks Oxford English Dictionary] Yeah, "affleck" isn't a word.


Weak rhymes, the lot.

Off to Los Angeles.

[sigh] Boss wants me to move back permanently.

[gazes longingly at Seattle]

Live-Thog: Spectre

Is Gerard Butler the president?!

"Tell the truth. [pause] Tell the truth!" is no "I'm the captain now."

Sony's Oscar horses: Dan Rather misreported a story, Nigerian pathologist battles the NFL.

The second most expensive film of all time should have better chroma keying than this.

Is that Wagner Moura?

[Batista kills Pablo Escobar]

Hmm. Probably not Wagner Moura.

This is a dull car chase. The only destruction has been that oddly placed car. What time is it in Rome? Where are people?

Where did he get that airplane?

Planes, trains, and automobiles, and helicopters, and boats…

Surely her father didn't hang new drywall every time he left this hotel room.

Death by kegs.

Bond has a type – family members of the recently deceased.

WWE already did it.

"Can Bruce Wayne and Batman ever truly co-exist?" [starts timer]

Christoph Waltz = The Riddler. Moriarty = Two-Face. Nine Eyes = The Box.

Deus net machina.

Not Wagner Moura.

Idea: Special editions of Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace, and Skyfall with Christoph Waltz inserted into the background of scenes. Or a prequel about their time as brothers.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

45. Age Progression Specialist (Nathan for You, S03E04)

Honourable Mention

  • Locking the picture (Project Greenlight, S04E08)
  • You Break It, You Buy It (Nathan for You, S03E04)
  • "Lose Yourself" debate (Master of None, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • "Why don't you put the gun down and we'll talk. Umm, have some falafel?" (The Walking Dead, S06E04)
  • Brett Butler! (The Leftovers, S02E04)
  • ♫: Regina Spektor – "Laughing With" (The Leftovers, S02E04)
  • Doctor Who's penis! (The Leftovers, S02E05)
  • Project Greenlight Season Grade: B
  • "Let me ask you a question. How long have you been a two-faced slut?" (Gotham, S02E07)
  • Death by stiletto heel (Gotham, S02E07)
  • The closing credits song – Holly Hunter sings it as a lullaby in Raising Arizona (Fargo, S02E04)
  • "I'm their Kramer." (Grandfathered, S01E05)
  • "You didn't get that line from a book, did you? You got it from a little show Entertainment Weekly called 'one of the more competent legal dramas in quite some time.'" (The Grinder, S01E05)
  • "This is not a Long Duk Dong situation." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E06)
  • Gak – "Of course there's hair in it." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E06)
  • "When I was two, what breakfast cereal did I accidentally breathe into my lungs and nearly die? …I…X."
    "Dix? You choked on dix?" (Scream Queens, S01E07)
  • "News flash, felchers. Rat poison only works because rodents don't have a gag reflex. If you gave a human rat poison, they would immediately puke it all up. So not only would I have survived your attempt on my life, it would have also made me skinnier." (Scream Queens, S01E07)
  • "Her treacherous slatch already droops like wet clay." (The Bastard Executioner, S01E08)
  • "You put me in charge."
    "No, I put you in place. Don't confuse the two." (Empire, S02E06)
  • The Burp King of Westchester is ubiquitous (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • "Bitches want pâté?" (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • "You don't lack beauty; you lack commitment." (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • ♫: Kim Carnes – "Bette Davis Eyes" (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • "Goddesses don't speak in whispers; they scream." (American Horror Story, S05E05)
  • Nick Kroll clearly negotiated a reduced schedule when re-upping (The League, S07E09)
  • "I met with Cornelius Ladd, an age progression specialist I found on Craigslist." (Nathan for You, S03E04)
  • "My wife and my kids, they died in space. It was an accident." (Nathan for You, S03E04)
  • "I could be very helpful in securing a long future for you here at the Knick." [accidentally sets himself on fire] (The Knick, S02E04)
  • "I ate a lot of diapers. A lot. That dirty diaper taste in the back of your mouth, there's just nothing like it. But I'm here to say that you can have a life without walking around munching on every dirty diaper you come across." (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
  • "I'd like to sing a few songs for you, songs I knew from when I was just a little girl." [sings "Three Blind Mice"] (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
  • ♫: Original song written by Eric Wareheim and performed by Bonnie "Prince" Billy (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S02E01)
  • "It's not for people to just take it and go. This isn't New Orleans." (Master of None, S01E02)
  • "Taye Diggs? He hates celery." (Master of None, S01E03)
  • "Dude, it's a Father John Misty show. There's gonna be white people everywhere." (Master of None, S01E03)
  • "'XOXO' – that's good. It means 'hugs and kisses.'"
    "No, 'XOXO' means 'go fuck yourself.'"
    "Hmm. Well, if that's true, then all the letters my grandmother wrote me ended with 'Go fuck yourself, Grandma.'" (Master of None, S01E03)
  • Booty Call! (Master of None, S01E04)
  • "Indians, Asians, gays – there can be one, but there can't be two." (Master of None, S01E04)
  • "You're being a bit of an Uncle Taj." (Master of None, S01E04)
  • "Is Mindy Kaling real?" (Master of None, S01E04)
  • Carrie Mathison is married to Stan Beeman (Master of None, S01E05)
  • "Batman has a Batmobile. Thor has a Thor-mobile."
    "I don't think he does." (Master of None, S01E05)
  • "Colin Salmon is Car-man." (Master of None, S01E05)
  • Television Episode of the Year nominee (Master of None, S01E09)
  • "I'm over here trying to listen to my CM Punk interview, dude." (Master of None, S01E10)
  • Master of None Season Grade: C+


Pee on this stick, makes me sick

Today, my stream of consciousness led me to Barbara Billingsley, and…

Are you ever unsure whether or not a celebrity is still alive? It happens to me a lot.

[cue montage of Jon thought-ballooned]

Is Phil Donahue still alive?
Is Dionne Warwick still alive?
Is Little Richard still alive?
Is Wink Martindale still alive?
Is Burt Bacharach still alive?
Is Willard Scott still alive?
Is Hugh Downs still alive?
Is Bob Dole still alive?
Is The Frugal Gourmet still alive?
Is Ron Popeil still alive?
Is Punky Brewster's foster father / Commandant Lassard still alive?
Is Mona on Who's the Boss? still alive?
Is Orson Bean still alive?
Remember when Orson Bean was on Loveline?
Remember when Fletcher of NOFX vomited on Dr. Drew?
Remember "The Dr. Drew Shuffle"?

Barbara Billingsley is dead.

New Post Who Dis

Wikipedia » Florida–Georgia football rivalry

The two universities do not agree on when the rivalry began.

I would understand this if Georgia hadn't won both first games.

Wikipedia » Florida Georgia Line

Florida Georgia Line is an American bro-country duo.


Wikipedia » Bro-country

The "bro-country" movement has been criticized for its subject matter, namely repeated lyrical themes of partying associated with Friday nights, alcoholic beverages, "painted on" jeans, mud/dust, a rural setting of some sort (like a river or creek), boots, tobacco, and trucks, as well as its exclusion of female country artists.

The popularity of the genre opened up a divide between the older generation of country singers and the bro country singers which was described as "civil war."

Idea: A variation on The Warriors in which each gang is a musical sub-genre – the bro-country gang, the gangsta rap gang…

Netflix should commission and release 10 country music awards shows at once.

Friends With Benadryl

IMDb's list of actors who have appeared on Hawaii Five-0 is amazing. The more you scroll down, the more you are rewarded. David Keith and Keith David!

Game Idea: Five Degrees of Daniel Dae Kim.

Oh. It's November. Time to re-subscribe to Spotify Premium.

I have $15 in my budget that I move around depending on the time of year.

Nov-Dec 2015
Spotify Premium to facilitate the creation of my year-end mix.

Jan-Apr 2016
WWE Network for WrestleMania season.

Apr-Jun 2016
HBO Now to watch Game of Thrones live.

Summit Ice apparel (as seen on Nathan for You, S03E02) has already rung up over $45,000 in sales, The Movement (as seen on Nathan for You, S03E03) is an Amazon best seller, and Shout! Factory will release seasons one and two of Nathan for You on home video next week.

This holiday season, give the gift of Nathan Fielder.

Bonus Features
• Audio Commentary On "Private Investigator / Taxi Company" With Special Guest Salomon Flores
• Audio Commentary On "Souvenir Shop / ELAIFF" With Special Guest William Heath (Bill Gates Impersonator)
• "Dumb Starbucks" – Extended Parody Songs

What could have been.

No one serves coffee, no one wakes up

Idea for next Halloween: Cover my front stoop with peanuts and distribute $100 bills.

No, set up a peanut gauntlet leading to my front door. You must navigate a laser maze-style maze of ropes that are slathered in peanut butter, crawl through a tunnel with fan at the end blowing peanut flour at you, and then jump in and cross a ball pit filled with peanuts to ring my doorbell.

And for those who opt not to run the gauntlet, I will place a bowl of carrot sticks outside the ropes maze. "Please take only one!"

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

44. Porn? (Nathan for You, S03E03)

Honourable Mention

  • Jessica tries to punish the teen boys (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • Devil's Night dinner (American Horror Story, S05E04)

Stray Observations

  • "He's clearly the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot, Harry Pop-tart." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E05)
  • "My waffle xylophone on the cheese man."
    "My lip reading is not flawless." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E05)
  • Rickroll! (The Leftovers, S02E04)
  • ♫: Lo-Fang – "You're the One That I Want" (The Leftovers, S02E04)

(The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)

  • "Look at this dumb outfit I borrowed from Melissa. This needs, like, a pineapple on it, or a giraffe, or children sliding down a rainbow. I mean, this is not me." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)
  • "So I pulled a gun on him – you guys know I do that from time to time." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E05)

"A mallet. That's, uhhh, useful." (Gotham, S02E06)

  • "Say, you wouldn't by any chance be Mike Milligan and the Kitchen brothers, would you?
    "You make us sound like a prog rock band." (Fargo, S02E03)
  • "We're a very friendly people."
    "Pretty unfriendly, actually. But it's the way you're unfriendly, how you're so polite about it, like you're doing me a favour." (Fargo, S02E03)
  • "I am not a crook." (Fargo, S02E03)
  • "Don't you want to experience the one thing white people do better than us?"
    "Begging for candy in a disguise to hide your shame?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "I'm going as Humpty Hump from the Digital Underground."
    "I love Burger King bathrooms!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "Tic Tacs to the face! Tic tacs in your face!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "She's so cool."
    "I bet she drinks Zima." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)

"UPS delivery lamb. Nice costume, Emery. You too, Evan. A lazy goalie."
"Go on. Deliver that goalie." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)

(Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)

  • "Aren't you embarrassed? A grown woman dressed as a pig?"
    "I'm Miss Piggy. Kermit's girlfriend?"
    "Pigs don't date. Pigs feed a crowd at a reasonable price." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • The Mask = "Jazz Gumby." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "Jeff friggin' Lynne…" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E05)
  • "What are thooooooose?!" (Black-ish, S02E06)
  • "They're just children. They don't have arts programs. They can't help themselves." (Black-ish, S02E06)
  • "Your refrigerator game has exploded in the last 5-7 years." (Black-ish, S02E06)
  • 1999: Tweek vs. Craig. 2015: Tweek x Craig (South Park, S19E06)
  • "Wow. Our town has only had a Whole Foods for three weeks and we already have our first gay kids." (South Park, S19E06)
  • "The Asians decide who's gonna be gay?" (South Park, S19E06)
  • Karaoke video (South Park, S19E06)
  • "He's a genius, like Galileo or Peter Frampton." (American Horror Story, S05E04)
  • "I don't eat salad."
    "Jeffrey likes dark meat." (American Horror Story, S05E04)
  • "What am I supposed to do without a quarterback?"
    "I dunno… Pick up Andy Dalton off the waiver wire."
    "You know that I'm a card-carrying member of the ADL."
    "What is the ADL?"
    "The Andy Defamation League, where I get together with a group of people and talk shit about Andy Dalton." (The League, S07E08)
  • "We missed you at the bibimbapluck." (The League, S07E08)
  • The book is available on Amazon for $11 (Nathan for You, S03E03)
  • "Chapter 9: Baboons." (Nathan for You, S03E03)
  • "A while ago, I was working with a jungle child. His name was Dendy. He was a great inspiration for me. Unfortunately, he tragically died when baboons kidnapped and ate him." (Nathan for You, S03E03)

(Nathan for You, S03E03)

  • "I'm just about to haul noogies." (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E01)