Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


17. Football Town Nights (Inside Amy Schumer, S03E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Cersei has offered a lordship to the man who brings her your head."
    "She ought to offer her cunt. Best part of her for the best part of me." (Game of Thrones, S05E02)
  • RT: Darkly amusing edit, from Tyrion in Essos wondering if Cersei will kill all the dwarves in the world, to a decapitated dwarf head being presented to the queen mother. (Game of Thrones, S05E02)
  • "Oh, farts." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E11)
  • "You were my shade! And my pants!" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E11)
  • "Was your mother Jessica Tandy?" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E11)
  • "Don't listen to Jane Fonda here." (Mad Men, S07E10)
  • "You don't have any character; you're just handsome." (Mad Men, S07E10)
  • "I don't want to be rigid. It makes you old." (Mad Men, S07E10)
  • "The girl I'm fucking was in the Olympics." (Silicon Valley, S02E02)
  • "You know what they say: 'bros disclose.'" (Silicon Valley, S02E02)
  • "Get some sleep, my bros. I'll set the meeting, and then I'll go find some hos to prioritize behind you."
    "Are you trying to say 'bros before hos'? (Silicon Valley, S02E02)
  • The Rose and Crown (Silicon Valley, S02E02)
  • Mariachi band cliffhanger (Silicon Valley, S02E02)
  • "Also: hair. Ask Marianne about electrolysis." (Veep, S04E02)


(Veep, S04E02)

  • "I just wanted to say a friendly 'hello' in an unfriendly way. Hello." (Veep, S04E02)
  • "Catherine, America doesn't like you. It's not that you are unlikable; it's that there's a perception that you are unlikable." (Veep, S04E02)
  • "Customary shortcuts to public affirmation are military service or childbirth." (Veep, S04E02)
  • "Is it pronounced 'Sharlize' or 'Charlize'?"
    "Pretty sure it's 'Sharlize.'"
    "Are you sure? Why?"
    "I don't know, man. She's from Africa. That's just how they say 'C-H' in Africa."
    "So that one African country is called 'Shad'?" (China, IL, S03E03)
  • Pony putting a band-aid on her open fracture (China, IL, S03E03)
  • "Can't a woman get in a freakin' mood for one night without the whole world coming to an end?” (Bates Motel, S03E07)
  • "How much this run pay?"
    "After FICA and Social Security?" (Bates Motel, S03E07)
  • "I've e-mailed every former student who's not in prison – or jail. Everyone remember there's a difference."
    "What's the difference?"
    "You go to jail if a cop doesn't like you. They can't send you to prison without knowing you're poor." (Community, S06E07)
  • "Eat your feet!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E13)
  • The Chinese school teacher (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E13)
  • "Brian?"
    "Topanga?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E13)
  • Fresh Off the Boat Season Grade: B-
  • "I wonder what that's like, somebody constantly questioning your blackness, just because you misquoted the lyrics to 'Ain't No Fun.'"
    "Why would Nate Dogg sing 'and you even lit my halls'?" (Black-ish, S01E20)
  • "People have been hounding me to watch an O.J. movie?" (Black-ish, S01E20)
  • "They only have my body." (The Americans, S03E13)
  • Suicide note on a Commodore 64 (The Americans, S03E13)
  • RT: Sandra: Let's agree to tell each other everything!
    Philip:  :| (The Americans, S03E13)
  • Paige! (The Americans, S03E13)
  • The Americans Season Grade: B+
  • "There are more bicycles in the Netherlands than people." (The Amazing Race, S26E09)
  • Vince Gilligan, Tom Green, and Lil Jon (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E14)
  • "Would you have a meal of chicken tikka masala with me?"
    "That is a typical food of India, which, of course, is where we both are right now." (Childrens Hospital, S06E06)
  • "This erection's for you, Barb." (Trailer Park Boys, S09E01)
  • "The Motel." (Trailer Park Boys, S09E05)
  • "Mow-Em-$ayin." (Trailer Park Boys, S09E06)


(Trailer Park Boys, S09E07)

  • "Neapolitan Charlie." (Trailer Park Boys, S09E07)
  • Bubbles quoting "Beat It" (Trailer Park Boys, S09E07)
  • "Private Dancer, lower your weapon!" (Trailer Park Boys, S09E08)
  • Bubbles parodying "Tiny Dancer" (Trailer Park Boys, S09E08)
  • Sam wants Swiss Chalet (Trailer Park Boys, S09E09)
  • Jacob's "Life Without Horses? …I Don't Think So!" shirt (Trailer Park Boys, S09E09)
  • Trailer Park Boys Season Grade: C-

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

14. Partners (Justified, S06E11)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations


Bandages, bandages, bandages (The Walking Dead, S05E16)

  • "I could kill you right now." (The Walking Dead, S05E16)
  • Is Rick Grimes gonna have to choke a zombie? (The Walking Dead, S05E16)
  • The Walking Dead Season Grade: C
  • Burst pipe rain (Shameless, S05E11)


(Shameless, S05E11)

  • "You got a hacksaw? Don't worry about it. It gets too messy." (Shameless, S05E11)
  • "Can we talk?"
    "Do you mind if I change into something that's got a little less poo in it?" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E07)


(Bates Motel, S03E04)

  • Norma cruises a coffee shop for a hacker, asks the Asian dude (Bates Motel, S03E04)
  • The immovable overturned announce table (WWE Raw, 03-30-15)
  • "Can't you just stall by doing what real IT people do?"
    "What's that?"
    "Exactly." (Community, S06E04)
  • "Wow, need time to fix it. You sound just like you work in IT." (Community, S06E04)
  • "I make gayness look like Mormonism." (Community, S06E04)
  • "My first love was Dolly Parton. What a butt." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E10)
  • "Boys, show Oscar to the guest bathroom."
    "We have a guest bathroom?"
    [whispering] "The bathroom." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E10)
  • YTMND: "At the airPORT?!?!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E10)
  • "I didn't want to crush his family. That's why I'm at the memorial."
    "Not because it was the right thing to do?"
    "No, no. I mean, we never even went skiing." (New Girl, S04E19)
  • "Check my balls right now. Be purple they so blue." (Justified, S06E11)
  • "I don't even miss it anymore. It's like Circuit City." (Modern Family, S06E19)
  • "I thought you could help me, because…"
    "Because you're not good with words."
    "Well, I'm a doctor. I can't admit I'm not good at something." (Modern Family, S06E19)
  • Maury (Black-ish, S01E18)
  • "If it's a boy, I'm thinking 'Gimli.' If it's a girl…Gimli still works!" (Black-ish, S01E18)
  • How to get her to pee on a stick without knowing (Black-ish, S01E18)
  • "Don't drink the floor smoothie." (Workaholics, S05E12)
  • "I put peyote in the smoothies."
    "Peyote at work?"
    "As Joseph Rogan said, he took peyote before an MMA class and he said it was the bomb diggity."
    "Do NOT make up Joe Rogan quotes! That is NOT okay!"
    "Why did you Joe Rogan us? Why couldn't you just Seth Rogen us? We could've just smoked a bunch of weed." (Workaholics, S05E12)
  • RT: Henry really should be the second generation illegal. That porn stash is better concealed than some dead drops they've used. (The Americans, S03E10)
  • "That's not football; that's dots." (The Americans, S03E10)
  • Henry cluelessly nattering on about "Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood" (The Americans, S03E10)
  • Philip sharpening a knife while Paige eyes Stan (The Americans, S03E10)
  • "She seems like a normal baby weight."
    "Oh yes, and everyone deserves a trophy just for showing up and everyone's Kickstarter has merit." (Archer, S06E13)
  • "The sub is too small to track with our current technology."
    "Maybe the CIA should do a Kickstarter." (Archer, S06E13)
  • Archer Season Grade: D+
  • Troy Season Grade: C+
  • RT: Reality show rules:
    -Survivor? Know how to make fire
    -Amazing Race? Drive stick shift
    -Hell's Kitchen? Make scallops & risotto (The Amazing Race, S26E05)
  • "You were in the movie The Dark Knight Rises, where you played Commissioner Gordon-Levitt." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E11)
  • "I didn't realize this movie meant that much to you."
    "It sort of launched my career in a lot of ways. I changed agents and everything afterwards." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E11)
  • "Which outfit do you prefer for our big date tonight: This slinky red dress or this Battletoads costume?" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E11)
  • "Diane, wait, stop! If you step on that plane, you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life."
    "Scott, you're too late. I'm stepping on this plane and I'm moving on with my life." – Chekhov's model airplane (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E11)
  • "Kirk Cameron. Alan Thicke calling here. I'm doing an ad in Siberia for horse bacon, and they're wondering if maybe we could get the whole cast of Growing Pains here. What do you think? Horse bacon, yeah. Hey, hey, hey. All of the proceeds will go to Christian ministries. And, uhh, all of the horses they slaughtered are gay. Heathen gay horses, yeah. (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E07)
  • "Satan's Dick Ring." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E07)
  • The Jack and Triumph Show Season Grade: C+
  • Pheasant calls (Childrens Hospital, S06E02)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

13. She picked a bad time (The Americans, S03E09)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • ♫: Nine Inch Nails – "Somewhat Damaged" (The Walking Dead, S05E15)
  • Running to The Fragile? (The Walking Dead, S05E15)
  • ♫: Elijah and the Moon – "Map and Compass" (Shameless, S05E10)
  • "I have to scrub my junk at the Citgo." (Shameless, S05E10)
  • "Cockblocking Laura Bush." (Shameless, S05E10)
  • "'Ignite the spank'?" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E05)
  • "Hey. I'm Todd." [mariachi music] (The Last Man on Earth, S01E05)
  • "That orgasm was generously provided by Phil Miller." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E06)
  • "Some freakin' fat dude named Todd." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E06)
  • "Big Shankhead here." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E06)
  • "What's your favourite part of Shawshank, Phil?"
    "Uhhh… You know, so many parts, so many parts to choose from and to pick from. Uhh, probably, you know, the part where the Shawshank is redeemed." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E06)
  • "It's hard to trust fats." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E06)
  • ♫: Graham Nash – "Simple Man" (Looking, S02E10)
  • Looking Season Grade: B-


Like father, like daughter (WWE Raw, 03-23-15)

  • Going home with a tug of war? (WWE Raw, 03-23-15)
  • The recurring "James McGill" phone answer gag (Better Call Saul, S01E08)
  • Recycle bin reveal (Better Call Saul, S01E08)
  • ♫: Handsome Boy Modeling School – "The Truth" (Better Call Saul, S01E08)
  • "Those guys, they're nothing. They're the Pistons, and you're the Bulls." (Better Call Saul, S01E08)
  • "Hope is pouting in advance. Hope is faith's richer, bitchier sister. Hope is the deformed, attic-bound, incest monster offspring of entitlement and fear." (Community, S06E03)

"Some things are silly and evil, like candy cigarettes. And remember when Flavor Flav had that reality show?"
"I don't own a TV."

(Community, S06E03)

  • ♫: Pharcyde – "Passin' Me By" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E09)
  • "Maybe she was out of my league, but look at Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri. If that ashy little nugget could get it, so could I." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E09)
  • "R.I.P. B. Lee." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E09)
  • "I like quitters even less than losers. It goes like this: Quitters, losers, cats, Kleenex, Martin Sheen, redheads, croissants, buttons…" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E09)


(Face Off, S08E11)

  • "Mr. and Mrs. Ofay." (Justified, S06E10)
  • Ava! (Justified, S06E10)
  • "But you called me 'Banjovi.'" (Modern Family, S06E18)
  • "It's a shock, like when we first got high-def TV and I realized Ed Bradley had an earring." (Modern Family, S06E18)
  • "If you're gonna keep playing basketball, I think you really need to play a less intense game, maybe with more Colins and Ethans and less Maliks and Jamals." (Black-ish, S01E17)
  • "In cool, black 40 is the white 25." (Black-ish, S01E17)
  • "In health, black 40 is the white 75." (Black-ish, S01E17)
  • "Yo, [Jermaine Dupri], what's up, man? It's Dre."
    "Yo, Dre, what's up? I sold, like, 250 million records."
    "I need a favour, brother."
    "Man, anything for you. I discovered Bow Wow." (Black-ish, S01E17)
  • JD: "Happy birthday, Dre. You know I danced with Whodini, right? And I'm vegan. Like, no meat. Completely off the dairy." (Black-ish, S01E17)
  • "You are a great man, Mr. Dick Blownoff." (Workaholics, S05E11)
  • "We do improv comedy. It's kinda like Whose Line. A lot of 'yes, and…'"
    "Yes, and…what the hell's Whose Line?"
    "Oh. It's like Wild 'n Out."
    "Okay, well, here's a tip: lead with that. You know, just drop 'Affion Crockett' and people will be with you. Have we seen you in anything?"
    "I've been in some commercials."
    "Ohhh, he's the Captain Obvious guy."
    "That's not me."
    "I know who he is. Dude, you're one of the two Sonic guys! We watch you all the time!"
    "I'm not, that's not me."
    "I thought you were in commercials, man. What the heck? Do you even know Flo?" (Workaholics, S05E11)
  • "I'm a serious actor. I trained under THE Jim Rash." (Workaholics, S05E11)
  • "Okay, FUCK Jim Rash." (Workaholics, S05E11)
  • "TV's Michael Gray." (Archer, S06E12)
  • Morton! (Fortitude, S01E10)
  • "Man, this some bullshit."
    "Don't even sweat it, mate. We'll get these fools on Frasier trivia night. The whole world know I fuck with Niles!" (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E10)
  • "He [Jaleel White] orders Thai food delivery every single night."
    "But why Thai food?"
    "Because Thai food ain't got no cheese." (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E10)
  • "Jaleel White's mind is so beautiful." (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E10)
  • Fat Joey Fatone doing his "Bye Bye Bye" back-up vocals and dance moves (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E06)
  • "How much resentment do you have towards Moe Howard for constantly poking you in the eyes?" (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E06)
  • The Dell dude (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E06)
  • Erinn Hayes' Aaron Neville (Childrens Hospital, S06E02)
  • "Let me tell you something about this guy: He has herpes!" (Saturday Night Live, S40E16)
  • "Cartwheel up to me!" (Saturday Night Live, S40E16)

#clipoftheweek


Looking forward:

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

12. Virtual Insanity (Community, S06E02)


Honourable Mention

  • Modem Noises (Bob's Burgers, S05E15)
  • The Second Interview (The Jinx, S01E06)
  • Rusev's Attorney (WWE Raw, 03-16-15)
  • Norma rages against a highway sign (Bates Motel, S03E02)
  • Catfight (Empire, S01E12)
  • Necklacing (The Americans, S03E08)

Stray Observations

  • The Jinx Season Grade: A-
  • "Wait. I have a theory. I think limousine and magazine come from the same word." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E19)
  • "You called us useless. You called us incompetent. You called us zeroes in the sack."
    "Never happened."
    "Well, someone said it to me last night. Must have been my wife." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E19)
  • "Mother dick." (The Walking Dead, S05E14)
  • Will every black male character die this season? (The Walking Dead, S05E14)
  • Ric Flair, Peter Rosenberg, and Ariel Helwani as talking heads? (30 for 30: I Hate Christian Laettner)
  • "It was just a little love tap on his chest." (30 for 30: I Hate Christian Laettner)
  • "Time for you girls to move on now. You've had your five minutes with Christian Laettner." (30 for 30: I Hate Christian Laettner)
  • "Rape walker." (Shameless, S05E09)
  • "Do you know how to jerk a guard off?" (Shameless, S05E09)
  • "When did your heart get as black as your skin?" (Shameless, S05E09)
  • "Every day is an opportunity you don't get back, so don't blow it working." (Shameless, S05E09)
  • "I don't want to fraternize; I want to fuck you." (Shameless, S05E09)
  • "So who is Melissa Shart?" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E04)
  • "You, Melissa, are a catch. Like a Moby Dick-sized catch."
    "Moby Dick? Try Moby Double Dick." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E04)
  • $19,600 bid on the first sabotage in the first round (Cutthroat Kitchen, S07E05)
  • "A deal. I hate that terminology. A deal is what they got O.J." (Better Call Saul, S01E07)
  • "Unhinged women seem drawn to you." (Bates Motel, S03E02)
  • Norma and Romero's awkward hug (Bates Motel, S03E02)


(WWE Raw, 03-16-15)

  • Restaurant Startup Season Grade: B+
  • "Vaporizers? Skittles?" (Community, S06E01)
  • "Welcome to Ladder!" (Community, S06E01)
  • YTMND: Portuguese Gremlins (Community, S06E02)
  • "My friends, they all think my parents are adorable, and they think I'm the bad guy for hating them. But I have a right to hate them, 'cause I had to be there when they sucked."
    "Yeah. Jimmy Fallon Syndrome. I get it." (Community, S06E02)
  • "You use your inside voice when you talk to Becky." (Empire, S01E11)
  • "I ain't got nothing to do with that." (Empire, S01E11)
  • "At least you walk like a man." (Empire, S01E11)
  • "Whoop the trick" – heh (Empire, S01E11)
  • "I'll send a prayer down to you in a flame-proof jar." (Empire, S01E11)


(Empire, S01E11)

  • RT: Jamal gon have a dildo in it (Empire, S01E12)
  • RT: A LITERAL SCEPTER (Empire, S01E12)
  • RT: Show me the scene where Lucious searched for "small gift pillow" on Amazon. (Empire, S01E12)
  • "What type of black girl named Becky?"
    "Oh, my mom's white." — Black-ish already did it (Empire, S01E12)
  • Charles Hamilton! (Empire, S01E12)
  • BLACK RAMBO (Empire, S01E12)
  • Singing at a rap battle (Empire, S01E12)
  • "Chile, I don't want no chicken." (Empire, S01E12)
  • RT: she came to sing gospel. she's on stage with juicy j. (Empire, S01E12)
  • Empire Season Grade: B
  • "Cults are great for attracting new age tail." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E10)
  • "Make 'em eat a shit sandwich."
    "What is it with you and the shit sandwich?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E10)
  • ♫: "Time Hole" and "Alethia," off the soundtrack to Paul Thomas Anderson's The Master (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E10)
  • It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season Grade: C+
  • "Do you think other people here resent you…for being 'new'?" (The Americans, S03E08)
  • Gaad rages against the mail robot (The Americans, S03E08)
  • Man Seeking Woman Season Grade: C+
  • "Goat, swear to Christ, I'll have your hide as boots and the rest of you as a curry." (Archer, S06E11)
  • "Also, I have two Michelin tires." (Archer, S06E11)
  • "Do you realize whose ass you're talking about? This is Mr. Paul Sorvino."
    "Please. The last hit Paul Sorvino had was off his insulin pump." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E05)
  • "How you doing, buddy?"
    "Not good, man. I work in a fart room." (Childrens Hospital, S06E01)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

11. Glow Stick Magic Trick (Troy, S02E01)


Honourable Mention

  • Air Max 1 Prediction Trick (Troy, S02E01)
  • Forget (The Walking Dead, S05E13)
  • Sex Scene (The Last Man on Earth, S01E03)
  • Religious Cult Mass Murder Scenario (Vice, S03E02)

Stray Observations

  • "Face it. I'm not heroic like Arnold Schwarzenegger in True Lies. I'm not even Tom Arnold in True Lies!" (Bob's Burgers, S05E14)
  • Robert Durst at Starbucks (The Jinx, S01E05)
  • "Well, you're not successful." (The Jinx, S01E05)
  • "The sarge and I are really into puzzles. Remember when I took that sudoku cruise?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E18)


(Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E18)

  • "Scully, tell them we're cops. Tell them!"
    "Nous sommes navets! Nous sommes navets! Shhhhhhhoot. That means turnips. I said we were turnips. I got it, don't worry. WE ARE TURNIPS! Nope, that was English." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E18)
  • "Don't shoot, I'm white!" (Shameless, S05E08)
  • "I'm the kind of gal who tries to make the best of things, and since meatballs will never ever exist again, I said, 'Carol, get your hands up, grab some raisins, and you smash them into a ball, girl.'" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E03)
  • "After doing the nasty, I need to have some beans." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E03)
  • ♫: James Blake – "The Wilhelm Scream" (Togetherness, S01E08)
  • Togetherness Season Grade: C-
  • RT: Sooo both The Americans and Looking have used Yaz's "Only You" to close out episodes this season. (Looking, S02E08)


WWE's Definitive Guide To White People Dancing To Wiz Khalifa (WWE Raw, 3-9-15)

  • Mike Corleone (Better Call Saul, S01E06)
  • Norman spooning Norma (Bates Motel, S03E01)
  • "Move over, you silly woman." (Bates Motel, S03E01)
  • "Yes, mom, they're rappers, but they're white rappers. White." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E08)
  • [Wu-Tang Clan] "But they're sort of Asian." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E08)
  • [Dr. Dre] "But he's a doctor." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E08)
  • "That's called being a G, mom."
    "Why do you want to be a letter that's only worth two points in Scrabble?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E08)
  • "Hangin' with Mr. Cooper?"
    "Can't watch TV on Fridays because of Shabbat. Hangin' with God." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E08)
  • "Shabbat is the Jewish day of rest. We're prohibited from doing certain things from Friday night to Saturday night – turning electrical devices like the stove on and off, handling money, putting flowers in water."
    "It kind of sounds like you're Gremlins." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E08)
  • Imitation "Sabotage" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E08)
  • Did the Beastie Boys refuse to license their music? (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E08)
  • Evidently, the show could only afford to license one Beastie Boys song (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E08)
  • ♫: Beastie Boys – "Root Down" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E08)
  • "He loves guac!" (Justified, S06E08)
  • "You trying to manipulate me, Mr. Walker? 'Cause I'm long past the point of needing my ego stroked."
    "Let's just say I don't see you pulling thrill-seeker hold-ups with a 'born to lose' tattoo on your chest." – Heat reference (Justified, S06E08)
  • "Don't eulogize the past 'til the future gets its turn." (Justified, S06E08)
  • "This is some bullshit. You shot me in the back."
    "You wanted to get hit in the front, you should've run toward me." (Justified, S06E08)
  • "The past is a statement. The future is a question."
    "The past and the future are a fight to the death." (Justified, S06E08)
  • Framework Season Grade: D
  • Hakeem sampling "Tom's Diner" (Empire, S01E10)
  • RT: LUCIOUS GOT THE MONTGOMERY C. BURNS OFFICE WITH A BUTTON TO LOCK THE DOOR!!! (Empire, S01E10)
  • "I got a piping hot Grilled Frank for you, okay? I got the sausage, the SPAM, the bacon, I got it wrapped in a jelly pancake and cooked with a stick of butter." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E09)
  • "Your mother's a giant whore."
    "Right…" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E09)
  • "Your head of security just choked himself out." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E09)


(It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E09)

  • "I got a dart hanging out of my face."
    "Yes, you do. But look at it this way: We just saved you a trip to Claire's." (Workaholics, S05E09)
  • "Get a lap dance on a Gravitron." (Workaholics, S05E09)
  • "You guys Jamie Kennedy Experiment-ed me." (Workaholics, S05E09)
  • ♫: Riff Raff – "Tip Toe Wing in My Jawwdinz" (Workaholics, S05E09)
  • ♫: Fleetwood Mac – "The Chain" (The Americans, S03E07)
  • "The solution to every problem isn't throwing frickin' acid on it."
    "Unless the problem is a solution with an overly alkaline pH balance." (Archer, S06E10)
  • "I don't want to sound greedy, but a threesome and then a break-up? Or a foursome and I'm the pizza guy?" (Archer, S06E10)
  • "She's not gigantic. I mean, she's tall, but a lot of that's the boots and the hair, and those hands aren't doing her any favours, human-size-wise."
    "She's basically Groot." (Archer, S06E10)
  • "Lazy lazy fatty fatty gaijin." (Archer, S06E10)
  • "Why is there a vagina in the sink?" (Archer, S06E10)
  • Portlandia Season Grade: C-
  • Wizard Wars Season Grade: D+
  • "Kenan and Kale." (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E08)
  • YTMND: Danny Brown's "mortal kombat!" (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E09)
  • ♫: Danny Brown – "Smokin and Drinkin" (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E09)
  • Cat cafe detour (The Amazing Race, S26E04)
  • YTMND: "Toasty !!" (King of the Nerds, S03E08)
  • Tekken Tag Tournament 2 ? (King of the Nerds, S03E08)
  • Lily's golf announcing (King of the Nerds, S03E08)
  • King of the Nerds Season Grade: B
  • "I am the most excited about the sport of gloving." (Shark Tank, S06E22)
  • "We've doubled our sales month over month over the past quarter."
    "From pee pee to pee pee."
    "But you know what? We don't spend money to get that pee pee." (Shark Tank, S06E22)
  • Banshee Season Grade: B+
  • Tears For Fears! (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E10)
  • "Of course I'll do an *NSYNC reunion. Finally, the band's getting back together."
    "Uhh, calm down, Joey. The only band in your future is a lap band." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E04)
  • "It is the worst thing to happen to Apple since we ran out of cats to name operating systems after." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E04)
  • "Hey, look at that. It's Khloe Kardashian's maxi pad. Hey, look at that. Looks like Hilary Swank lost a tooth." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E04)
  • "I'm as soft as Kevin Spacey with a guy his own age." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E04)
  • "You did it. You actually broke an Apple product without resorting to holding it, plugging it in, or using it as directed." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E04)
  • "Soon enough, this version of Siri will just be a distant, horrible, yet oddly fond memory."
    "Yes, just like Jay Leno." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E04)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


10. Girlfriend University (Man Seeking Woman, S01E08)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Oh, God. She can't just stop by, can she? Why don't we have a panic room?" (Bob's Burgers, S05E13)
  • "No. I'll tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna do something you hate. Let me see. What do you hate?"
    "Nachos?" (Bob's Burgers, S05E13)
  • "If you like her ankles, you should see her shins." (Bob's Burgers, S05E13)


Cat dragons (Bob's Burgers, S05E13)

  • "Bobdor." (Bob's Burgers, S05E13)
  • "I had to get this corpse out of my apartment, period." (The Jinx, S01E04)
  • "ANYWAY, I went and bought a bow saw." (The Jinx, S01E04)
  • "I did not kill my best friend. I did dismember him." (The Jinx, S01E04)
  • "I feel like James Bond, and you are my mysterious femme fatale that I've been partnered with, Maxi…Pads." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E17)
  • "The smoke machine is not working."
    "I could crouch by the altar and vape." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E17)
  • "You sound like Gollum."
    "That means nothing to me. I don't see those movies. I'm too pretty." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E17)
  • "Love. It sustains you. It's like…oatmeal." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E17)
  • Cut Carl's hair too, stylist! (The Walking Dead, S05E12)
  • RT: Did you recognize the new girl? It's Katelyn Nacon from "Too Many Cooks" (The Walking Dead, S05E12)
  • "I'm sick of having to change who I am, or wait 'til I'm older, or rape someone into being with me." (Shameless, S05E07)
  • Patrick crying at the funeral (Looking, S02E07)
  • "Chinese hello?" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E01)
  • "Out for what do you need that gun?" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E01)
  • "So this is my toilet pool. And here's my garbage pool, and this is my margarita pool."
    "You swim in that?"
    "I swim in it, I drink out of it. There's really no wrong way to use a margarita pool." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E02)
  • "They are mas-TUR-batory magazines." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E02)
  • "You stole my to-mah-toes, and you left poop in my garden." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E02)


(Fresh Off the Boat, S01E07)

  • "You ladies need to be very careful. A blow-out can give a woman too much confidence, make them take on things that they can't handle, Hillary Clinton." (New Girl, S04E18)
  • "You're afraid of her because she plays the standing-up guitar?" (New Girl, S04E18)
  • "But wait, I'm a gay wolf too / Would you like to eat some wolf Chinese food?" (New Girl, S04E18)
  • "I would say he looks a little too much like Wallace Shawn for my taste." (Justified, S06E07)
  • "Why aren't you on the manhunt?"
    "Oh, I myself was given 24 hours to decompress. Look what you started, Norma Rae." (Justified, S06E07)
  • Phil's wardrobe malfunctions (Modern Family, S06E17)
  • "Dad, we got this. Chicken scored some C-4. We gon' blow Creedmoor to the ground." (Empire, S01E09)
  • The fantasy-sports-esque screens (Empire, S01E09)
  • "Take these cookies." (Empire, S01E09)
  • "You choosing me to take over Empire since you love me?"
    "You know I haven't decided which one of my sons…"
    "Piece of business advice from that Wharton education you paid so handsomely for: you pick the one who knows you're a murderer." (Empire, S01E09)
  • "Oh, I'll be damned if I'm gonna eat that."
    "It's bulgur kernels. Not everything has to be fried."
    "It's kernels of bulgur. The least you could do is fry the hell out of it." (Black-ish, S01E16)
  • "Don't be acting like there's not a glass ceiling for women with apostrophes in their name." (Black-ish, S01E16)
  • "He eats bulgur for your daughter." (Black-ish, S01E16)
  • Couldn't afford a Pink Floyd song, heh (The Americans, S03E06)
  • "I call this one 'Cowboys and Indians,' 'cause it's white and red." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E08)
  • "Mall Blart Paul cop." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E08)
  • "You'll get your dick wet in Heaven." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E08)
  • "Yo soy Nutella." (Conan, 03-04-15)
  • Rum in a box (Conan, 03-04-15)
  • "Bathroom!"
    "Please, your majesty. I cannot wait."
    "I told you idiots that wasn't the real Famous Ray's." (Archer, S06E09)
  • "Damn, Gina!" (Archer, S06E09)
  • "Oh my God. If anybody's jealous, it's you, hang on, shut up, I have something for this…Lana Cougar Mellencamp." (Archer, S06E09)
  • "Ugly Kid Joe?" (Portlandia, S05E09)
  • "Ladyboy show cabaret." (The Amazing Race, S26E03)
  • "100 best sci-fi and fantasy films according to Rotten Tomatoes."
    "Event Horizon." (King of the Nerds, S03E07)
  • June calling Tay Zonday "Unfamous Amos" (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E03)
  • "Nice house. Before buying it, how big a deposit did you have to take in the face?" (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E03)
  • "Cody Pepperoni." (Saturday Night Live, S40E15)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

9. What Is Escrow? (Portlandia, S05E08)


Honourable Mention

  • 10-foot-tall Ralph Macchio (New Girl, S04E17)
  • Microhouse (Portlandia, S05E08)
  • Mr. Riot Films (Saturday Night Live, S40E14)

Stray Observations

  • "Maybe you're the only one that can help her and I just lose."
    "I am the only one who can help her, because I have apple sauce, and we all win."
    […]
    "I hate apple sauce. My mom used to make me eat foods I didn't like to make me more manly – salmon patties, apple sauce, and onions. She was a very confused woman who tried her damnedest." (The Walking Dead, S05E11)
  • "What are you supposed to be?"
    "I'm Gordon Freeman."
    "And he's like, what, a mailman from the future?"
    "No! He's one of the most popular video game characters of all time. He revolutionized first-person shooter games because you so rarely saw or heard him, you could better imagine yourself in the game."
    "Wait, so your idea of a fun gay is a character with so little personality, he's basically nothing." (Looking, S02E06)
  • "Hey, you're a social media guy, right?"
    "Yeah yeah yeah. I have 3300 Tumblr followers."
    "Isn't that just for porn?"
    "No. What? Well, it's not… It's not not for porn." (Looking, S02E06)
  • "I love your Mega Man costume." (Looking, S02E06)
  • Music: Jungle – "Drops" (Looking, S02E06)
  • Jennifer Hudson singing a song from Smash (The 87th Academy Awards)
  • "You know the difference between us? I don't see the nobility in this job. I see a loaded, lopsided game, full of people justifying their cynicism as a higher calling. It's street fighting in wigs, that's all." (Broadchurch, S02E08)
  • Broadchurch Season Grade: C
  • RT: "Why would gouging out one eye stop their plans?" (Gotham, S01E17)
  • "Smoke on the Water [Butthole Version]" (Better Call Saul, S01E04)
  • "My dad was about to stumble into the biggest restaurant craze of the mid-90s."
    "Fajitas! Orlando can't get enough utility-grade skirt steak delivered in a sizzling skillet."
    "No way. No way white people will eat meat out of a pan."
    "Yes way. Yes way all day. You bring them tortillas, veggies, and steak, and they assemble it themselves. It's like an edible IKEA chair."
    "Or Legos you can eat." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E06)
  • "Why do they put the classifieds so close to the comics? I keep getting distracted by the misfortunes of Cathy. None of those swimsuits are right, Cathy. None of them." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E06)
  • "Come on. Let's celebrate. Hey boys, go ahead. Crank up the AC to low." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E06)
  • RT: "The 9 to 5 videogame was developed but never released (by 20th C Fox Games)" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E06)
  • "I need to walk out of the MasterChef Junior kitchen with that trophy more than I need to do anything else in my life." (MasterChef Junior, S03E08)
  • MasterChef Junior Season Grade: D


(New Girl, S04E17)

  • "Ugh. I feel like Brenda when Kelly dated Dylan…or the other way around."
    "Now I know those are the characters from the original 90210, but that's about my ceiling. Dylan… Was his nickname the Peach Pit? Because I remember… I remember that being a whole thing."
    "I'm sorry. I'm a little wound up."
    "You should be wound up, because the Peach Pit used to be yours, but now Brenda want a slice. Everybody trying to get a slice of that Peach Pit." (New Girl, S04E17)
  • "How many men you think we've killed? Between the three us, you figure we've got…a hundred?"
    "That sniper guy said he got 255 all by his lonesome. But, you know, take that with a grain of salt, since he was a Seal." (Justified, S06E06)
  • "How come he had your card on him?"
    "He's my realtor." (Justified, S06E06)
  • "You know where I think you went wrong? You hired a bunch of mercs 'cause they look the shit in jungle fatigues. Turns out, they know killing, but they don't know crime." (Justified, S06E06)
  • "Wonderful things can happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of assholes." (Justified, S06E06)
  • "That's the whole point of thrash – gotta be loud enough to drive everything else out of your head." (Justified, S06E06)
  • RT: "Aw Choo-Choo, I thought you were going out by your namesake and then they pulled the rug out" (Justified, S06E06)
  • Jean-Ralphio champagne (Parks and Recreation, S07E12)


(Parks and Recreation, S07E12)

  • Parks and Recreation Season Grade: B-
  • "Hakeem got a thing for the ladies / The ladies got a thing for the Hakeem." (Empire, S01E08)
  • "The best always goes last." (Empire, S01E08)
  • "The joys of being the son of a black man." (Empire, S01E08)
  • "Don't mess with me, Cookie. I'm not one of your jailbird mates, okay?"
    "I wish you were. You probably would've made a good bitch for me. You look like you got a long tongue." (Empire, S01E08)
  • "Adam's Apple is like the balls of the throat." (Black-ish, S01E15)
  • "I've got bad news."
    "Kim Kardashian stopped messing with black guys?"
    "Worse."
    "Zoe Saldana stopped messing with white guys?" (Black-ish, S01E15)
  • "It's just science. The dark is the absence of photons. That's it."
    "Wait, so there's no photons?!"
    "Nope."
    "Where did the photons go?! Did they go into me? Oh God, I'm full of photons!" (Black-ish, S01E15)
  • "Your breath smells like…like slavery!" (Black-ish, S01E15)
  • Henry asking how Mrs. Beeman is (The Americans, S03E05)
  • Elizabeth crushing a man with a car (The Americans, S03E05)
  • "Now he's doing that thing where he pretend to get a text." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E07)
  • "There, now that's not so hard, is it?"
    "So, do you guys do phrasing, or…?" (Archer, S06E08)
  • "Sorry I tried to spit-roast your mom." (Archer, S06E08)


Steve Buscemi (Portlandia, S05E08)

  • All of the art collection gags in the first scene (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E07)
  • "I'm your biggest fan, Jay Z. I switched to Samsung because of you." (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E07)
  • "Now my butler Memphis Bleek will be here in exactly one minute to pick me up." (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E07)
  • "Et tu, Memphis Bleek?" (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E07)
  • Detour: Feed each other ramen in front of a blowing fan? (The Amazing Race, S26E02)
  • How much Little Caesars do contestants eat during filming? (King of the Nerds, S03E06)


(King of the Nerds, S03E06)

  • Burton is a eunuch? (Banshee, S03E08)
  • Why is the French Quarter so deserted? (Banshee, S03E08)


(Banshee, S03E08)

  • Home Improvement gags (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E08)
  • "Now, what's the matter? You usually only make that face when someone's trying to explain Kwanzaa." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E02)
  • "Have you ever heard of civet coffee?"
    "Oh, that's what this is?"
    "Not exactly. This has passed through the intestines of a former child star. Even better. It has the special kind of bitterness that only child stars can conjure up. It's rich, like your parents, and dark, like the people you pushed out of this neighbourhood." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E02)
  • "Cromuffbabkasant." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E02)
  • "Excuse me. Apatow royalty coming through." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E02)
  • "Oh, no. He's going to do something horrible to himself."
    "Oh, good lord. He's going to watch an original show on Amazon Prime." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E02)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

8. 50 Shades of Gay (Portlandia, S05E07)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "What's wrong with pictures?"
    "If you love someone, you'll remember what they look like." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E16)
  • "I hate those enunciated denunciations." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E16)
  • Worst Cooks in America Season Grade: D+
  • "I love you." (Shameless, S05E06)
  • Music: Dawn Golden – "Discoloration" (Shameless, S05E06)
  • Fish's human soap box (Gotham, S01E16)
  • "And I'm like, 'Fine, mom, be a whore. Be a drunken whore, even. But don't be a nagging drunken whore.'" (Gotham, S01E16)
  • "I worked on him in my basement for a couple of weeks." (Gotham, S01E16)
  • "My youth is not relevant." (Gotham, S01E16)
  • "Hey, Cagney, Lacey, when you realize how wrong you are about all of this, I'll take an Edible Arrangement as a sorry. Heavy on the pineapple." (Better Call Saul, S01E03)


(Better Call Saul, S01E03)

  • "My thoughts on dessert, I think they're pretty tedious and annoying." (MasterChef Junior, S03E07)
  • "If you don't let me go to that sleepover, I'm gonna stop eating."
    "Buddy…"
    "I overreached." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E05)
  • "Eddie, what's the thing you always say that the fat brown man says?"
    "Mo' money, mo' problems?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E05)
  • "Don't tell mom! She relies on me!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E05)
  • "Eddie, half the reason I come to this country is so you could have lots of sex." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E05)
  • "If you pretend like you have a bad back, you don't have to do so much work." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E05)
  • "And most importantly, like we always say during the SNL monologue when a musician hosts, wrap it up." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E05)
  • The Full Text Of The Johnny Karate Legal Disclaimer (Parks and Recreation, S07E10)
  • "This, to me, seems like a *hug moment*."
    "You are mistaken. Remove the graphic!"
    (Parks and Recreation, S07E10)
  • "'Phenomenon' means 'to explore a cave.'" (Parks and Recreation, S07E10)
  • "John Cena: Martial Arts Superstar." (Parks and Recreation, S07E10)
  • "You're my Verizon-Chipotle-Exxon." (Parks and Recreation, S07E10)
  • "'Eurotrash.' I like that. It is indeed a garbage continent." (Parks and Recreation, S07E11)
  • "And there's the dance studio where I had my first kiss with the cutest slash only boy in my jazz troupe. Then he came out of the closet – super gay. Then we kissed some more. Then he went to Oberlin." (New Girl, S04E16)
  • "Aplex?"
    "Yeah. 28 points. Boom!"
    "I'm pretty sure 'aplex' isn't a word, Mikey."
    "'Course it is. I don't like that guy. He aplexes me." (Justified, S06E05)
  • "You okay? You look aplexed." (Justified, S06E05)
  • "How about skim milk? You got any skim milk?" (Justified, S06E05)
  • "God only does weird baby stuff." (Modern Family, S06E15)
  • "Naomi Cambell." (Empire, S01E07)
  • "What is a 'bae'?" (Empire, S01E07)
  • Dire Straits, heh (Empire, S01E07)
  • Lucious' clapping (Empire, S01E07)
  • "For her first boyfriend, she's feeling some three-point-shooting, pick-setting point guard – who hustles!"
    "Why can't you just say he's white?" (Black-ish, S01E14)
  • "So how long before downtown gets totally gentrified?"
    "It happens fast. When you get to be my age, it's like a Dave Matthews concert down there." (Black-ish, S01E14)
  • "Amazing. How did you know that?"
    "He posted it on Instagram, and I was about t–"
    "Damn, son! Are you Jason Bourne?!" (Black-ish, S01E14)
  • "What kind of black girl is named 'Becky'?" (Black-ish, S01E14)
  • "You were plenty weird before me. What about the underage drinking scheme? I wasn't even here for that." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E06)
  • "Black people don't do stuff that's not cool." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E06)
  • "She's called 'Dusty' because she's really into angel dust."
    "I am super into angel dust." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E06)
  • "A starter car… This car is a finisher car!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E06)
  • All that Yaz (The Americans, S03E04)
  • Baby Soft ad (The Americans, S03E04)
  • Free association: William Shatner = nipples (King of the Nerds, S03E05)
  • "WIlliam Shatner's chest bothers me." (King of the Nerds, S03E05)
  • "MWHYYYY LITTTTLLLLEEEE PPPPOOOOOOEEEEEENNNNNNYYYYYYY." (King of the Nerds, S03E05)
  • Scott's long, deep bows as he rasps out "luggagggggggge" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E07)


(The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E01)

  • "White Food Medley." (Bagboy)
  • "Doctor and Daisy sitting in a tree. Uh, K-R-L-L-letter of snake." (Bagboy)
  • "Mmm. That's good horse. I could eat this horse 'til the cows come home. Little bit of sawdust, but who cares? It's from the stable. Oh, who am I kidding? Doesn't matter how much horse meat I eat, Daisy's still not gonna like me." (Bagboy)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

7. The prosecution rests (Better Call Saul, S01E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I was talking to Rosa about her 'dinner' with her 'parents.'"
    "I am having dinner with her parents."
    "Okay, liar, what restaurant you going to?"
    "I don't know. Some Italian place."
    "Oh, Italian! Makes sense, Pinocchio! …He's a liar, too. And Italian. …I over-explained it." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E15)
  • "I'm gonna vape you like my e-cig." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E15)
  • "I got John McClaned." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E15)
  • RT: "Apparently the black guy quota on Walking Dead is set at a hard 2" (The Walking Dead, S05E09)
  • "What'll it take to buy me some time?"
    "More than an A cup, baby." (Shameless, S05E05)
  • Music: Robert Francis – "Baby Was the Devil" (Shameless, S05E05)
  • 'I Heart Anal' mug (Looking, S02E04)
  • Nebraska, in black and white, like Nebraska, which stars Bob Odenkirk (Better Call Saul, S01E01)
  • "Cucumber water for customer only." (Better Call Saul, S01E01)
  • Chekhov's bin dent (Better Call Saul, S01E01)
  • Chef Ben's tattooed head (Cutthroat Kitchen, S06E06)
  • Chef Jackie bidding all her money (Cutthroat Kitchen, S06E06)
  • "Are you punking my abuelita?" (Better Call Saul, S01E02)
  • "Walter's not wearing Jordans either."
    "He doesn't need to. He's black. That's like built-in Jordans." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E03)
  • "And there's a point system, and then something happens with the clock, and then the winner drinks milk." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E03)
  • "Water doesn't project success. Capri Sun does." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E03)
  • "Go on, girl. Taste the rainbow." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E03)
  • "This is not a duet." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E03)
  • "Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie." (Parks and Recreation, S07E08)
  • "She designed her own major – Halloween studies." (Parks and Recreation, S07E08)


"I'm MC Hammer." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E04)

  • ["Lightning Crashes" by Live]
    "This woman's terrible." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E04)
  • "Miata Queens of Orlando." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E04)
  • MRAs – ha (Parks and Recreation, S07E09)
  • "50 Shaved Old Gays." (Parks and Recreation, S07E09)
  • "Men's rights is nothing." (Parks and Recreation, S07E09)
  • "Which one of you is Janet Novoselic?"
    "I am."
    "Agents Grohl and Cobain." (Supernatural, S10E13)
  • "How much you want to bet that she and Mr. Hutchins didn't die peacefully in their sleep?"
    "Oh, but it's such a nice thought. It's how I want to go. I'm kidding. I want Sigourney Weaver to choke me out with her thighs." (Justified, S06E04)
  • "I need a real producer – Hit-Boy, Timbaland." (Empire, S01E06)
  • RT: "Dead at Raven-Symone's name being Olivia, dead at her sleeping with a gay man and her real life gf is on the show" (Empire, S01E06)
  • "Told my wife her naan is not as puffy as my mom's." (Black-ish, S01E13)
  • "Gay dudes are like hot chicks. They only part with each other." (Workaholics, S05E05)
  • "They're gonna be getting their cream pies from us." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E05)
  • "Asians know electronics, and fish, but Americans know cream pies." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E05)
  • "Gaylord. I could not have been more wrong on that one. You're clearly some kind of straightlord." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E05)
  • "Josh, you're being a huge asshole."
    [excited Tanaka]
    "No, Tanaka, sorry, it's a figure of speech."
    [sad Tanaka] (Man Seeking Woman, S01E05)
  • Top Chef: Boston Season Grade: D
  • "Okay, here we go, so we have, ugh, tequila and coffee liqueur. All right, so, we can make, I guess this will be a…Black Mexican?" (Archer, S06E06)
  • "Black Mexican?"
    "Uhh, hey, dick, I happen to be Pakistani." (Archer, S06E06)
  • "Canadian down low." (Archer, S06E06)
  • "We can't move you tonight. We're about to kiss Sister Sister." (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E05)
  • Guest starring James Adomian and the Broad City girls (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E05)
  • Moby the dick judge (King of the Nerds, S03E04)
  • Boobypack? (Shark Tank, S06E19)
  • "The original lyric was 'I do practice Santeria,' but the record label made them change it." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E06)
  • A sex scene set to Icelandic metal (Fortitude, S01E01)
  • Music: Moldun – "This Time You Dig the Hole" (Fortitude, S01E01)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

6. The Shot (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E04 – a Television Episode of the Year nominee)

There is a huge chunk of the [episode] that is one take, no tricks. It begins with Charlie first escorting the inspector inside the bar and continuing all the way through to Charlie leading the inspector to the basement. [source]


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I never black out for a whole day unless I'm smoking crack." (Shameless, S05E04)
  • ER – heh (Shameless, S05E04)
  • "Don't cry, Ginuwine, it's okay." (Parks and Recreation, S07E07)
  • "Just yesterday, I learned that the Pearl Jam album Vitalogy was written about you." (Parks and Recreation, S07E07)
  • "That omelette was so delicious!" (New Girl, S04E14)
  • "We wrote the check out to Cece."
    "We do not know your full name." (New Girl, S04E14)
  • "Can you please tell my investment here that she can't make any money with art history?"
    "That's not true. Last year, I made almost $22,000, and my life is very hard."
    "You see that? You should be studying to become a doctor. They make good money, they get respect. Paging Dr. …Cece." (New Girl, S04E14)
  • "That one over there, he's all creativity and ideas. And this one's all data and numbers."
    "[snaps] Six." (New Girl, S04E14)
  • "This is a man who would wear sweatpants to his wedding."
    "I now pronounce me comfortable." (New Girl, S04E14)
  • Sunset Overdrive (Justified, S06E03)
  • "You understand me, Earl? I'm gonna shoot your dick off." (Justified, S06E03)
  • "Why do all your shirts have black men on them?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E01)
  • "Well, Evan is not going to school today. His fat friend J.J. give him string cheese and apparently he is lactose intolerant. His body is rejecting white culture, which make me kinda proud." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E01)
  • "Hey, y'all. When my neck gets red, 'cause of my white skin is out in the yellow sun, I like to come here, to Cattleman's Ranch, where I can get comfortable among people of my own kind, maybe meet my wife, or my cousin, or my cousin wife, for an onion blossom for only $2.99." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E01)
  • "We got all types of special effects, like Avatar and The Hobbit." (Empire, S01E05)
  • "Get out. You people always misbehave."
    "What you mean by 'you people'? You black like me." (Empire, S01E05)
  • "When this video drop, it's gonna put Drake, Kendrick Lamar, J. Cole, and all them cats on notice." (Empire, S01E05)
  • "Can you afford any precious time, especially over a thot?" (Empire, S01E05)
  • "You still worrying about singles when I'm 'bout to be iconic." (Empire, S01E05)
  • "You took a three-hour nap yesterday."
    "I was tired from the marathon."
    "The Downton Abbey marathon?!"
    "That family is exhausting." (Modern Family, S06E13)
  • Music: Danny Brown – "Fresh Off the Boat Theme Song" (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E02)
  • CLC – ha! (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E02)
  • "Enjoy your stick, white friends." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E02)
  • "Look what my mom got me for my straight Cs." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E02)
  • "Love you."
    "Love you? My dad never said that. My family loved each other; we just didn't say it. We showed our love through criticism and micromanagement, so if you said 'love you,' you were probably hiding something." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E02)
  • "Kinda like the band Everclear. I'm Art Alexis. He's Craig Montoya and Greg Eklund."
    "Okay, let me be ever so clear about this: You are no Art Alexis."
    "I'm totally Art Alexis." (Workaholics, S05E04)


Tony Kornheiser (The Americans, S03E02)


The Shockmaster (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E04)

  • "They gentrified his pet cemetery?" (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E04)
  • "Parallelograms are a bitch." (King of the Nerds, S03E03)
  • "Myth and Match" – good Nerd-Off (King of the Nerds, S03E03)
  • "It's not poo poo."
    "I don't think it's poo poo on a stick." (Shark Tank, S06E18)
  • Siobhan! (Banshee, S03E05)
  • "I think there's something at the bottom."
    "That's where Drake started!" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E05)
  • "Until the day you die."
    "When is that, exactly?"
    "It's about 25 days from now."
    "Really…"
    "Mm-hmm. Don't you want to know how you die?"
    "I do, yeah."
    "Old age."
    "Oh, it's a rapidly…"
    "No, no, no. It's just a man. He goes by 'Old Age.'" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E05)
  • "Starsky with Hookers." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E05)
  • Everyone corpsing during the Shiloh Huffington interview (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E05)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


5. Marshawn Lynch and Rob Gronkowski Play "Mortal Kombat X" With Conan O'Brien (Conan, 01-29-15)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I'm still planning to get some retribution. I got her a parting gift."
    "Tickets to Wicked?"
    "In Boston. Have fun watching some chubby Chenoweth knock-off warble her way through 'Popular.'" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E14)
  • "When I was alone in her office, I changed her auto-correct. Now when she types 'Wunch,' it gets replaced with 'butt.'" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E14)
  • "We call him 'Carlilingus.'" (Shameless, S05E03)
  • "Do we get paid on the holiday?"
    "No. None of the holidays. Not the tree one, the president one, the war one, and definitely not the one for the blacks." (Shameless, S05E03)
  • "You date-raped me."
    "We were on a date?"
    "No, Debbie, you statutory raped yourself. I could go to jail."
    "I don't understand."
    "Friends don't rape friends." (Shameless, S05E03)
  • "You lost your virginity?"
    "Does it count if it's rape?" (Shameless, S05E03)
  • "Listen, Debs, a million guys would kill to be raped by you." (Shameless, S05E03)
  • "I hope you die in a puddle of diarrhea." (Shameless, S05E03)
  • Writing off characters like it's the UK Shameless (Shameless, S05E03)
  • "Wait, you're paying this butt brain?"
    "My butt does have brains. They're called 'turds' and they're smarter than you." (Bob's Burgers, S05E10)


(Looking, S02E03)

  • "Was Star Wars the one with the little wizard boy?" (Parks and Recreation, S07E05)
  • "The only contract I've ever signed is my Mulligan's sSteakhouse club card, and even then I used a fake name – Les. Les Vegetables." (Parks and Recreation, S07E05)
  • "Paul Reiser salmon." (Parks and Recreation, S07E06)
  • "Just about hit me, now you're gonna sling foul utterances in my direction?" (Justified, S06E02)
  • "How do you know I was with a guy if you ain't been following me?"
    "I'm not following you."
    "Are you saying you ain't following me like you don't know what I'm saying, or are you just repeating this bullshit about you ain't been following me?"
    "I'm not following you?" (Justified, S06E02)
  • "You know what I was thinking about today? The Franklin sandwich at Denver Biscuit Company." (Justified, S06E02)
  • "Jocks, they peak in high school, all right, but nerds, they become Skrillex." (Workaholics, S05E03)
  • "Hov, hangin' with Mr. Cooper, Asian girl laughing." (Workaholics, S05E03)
  • "I love eating sashimi, but I would rather eat sashi-you." (Workaholics, S05E03)
  • "Half-black equals full black, and that's not my rule, that's society's rule. That's why Drake could say the N word a million times and everyone's like, 'I love this song.'" (Workaholics, S05E03)
  • "She's obviously valuing both of her Filipino and black heritage equally. So if anything, she's a full-bodied 'pino noir." (Workaholics, S05E03)
  • Frusen Glädjé (The Americans, S03E01)
  • Kama Sutra (The Americans, S03E01)
  • Jake "The Snake" Roberts singing "Nookie" by Limp Bizkit (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E03)
  • Arsenio Hall's private jet, the Arsenium Falcon (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E03)
  • "We'll go with you to Los Angeles."
    "But that's only because you referenced Martin." (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E03)
  • The taxi driver from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air opening credits (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E03)
  • YG as the voice of Olmec (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E03)
  • "I'm a little disappointed. I thought that she would care so much about handmade costumes." (King of the Nerds, S03E02)
  • "REITs aren't sexy." (Shark Tank, S06E16)
  • $75 for Forza 5 (Banshee, S03E04)
  • "Jesus. Call the police."
    "Uhh, he is the police." (Banshee, S03E04)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

4. Nola vs. Burton (Banshee, S03E03)

A Fight Scene of the Year nominee.


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I've never had a taco." (Worst Cooks in America, S06E03)
  • "My favorite food is Hamburger Helper – with chicken." (Worst Cooks in America, S06E03)
  • "They may have female genitalia, but those lesbians are The Man." (Shameless, S05E02)
  • "I want to see the burning man!" (Shameless, S05E02)
  • The butler looks like Bomani Jones (Gotham, S01E12)
  • "In modern America, touching in public is quite permitted. Also warrants the expression 'get a room.'" (Sleepy Hollow, S02E13)
  • "Fat Chance, when we started, you had no control over your powers."

    "See this? Totally random."
    "Nonsense. This is a door to time and space. Where it goes is up to you. You must become Fat Choice." (The Venture Bros.: All This and Gargantua-2)
  • "I hench for no man." (The Venture Bros.: All This and Gargantua-2)
  • "Nobody but spies play baccarat." (The Venture Bros.: All This and Gargantua-2)


(Parks and Recreation, S07E03)

  • "Zach! Camp Wamapoke! You got a boner!" (Parks and Recreation, S07E03)
  • "The Somebody's Daughter Dancers." (Parks and Recreation, S07E03)
  • "Game of Thrones is on tonight! It's the series finale! Khaleesi is marrying Jack Sparrow! Oh, God, that show has really gone off the rails."
    "Look, it makes sense if you read the books." (Parks and Recreation, S07E04)
  • "Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something like that. Sharp, inhospitable. Same reason I never understood the fascination with the artichoke. Now bourbon is easy to understand. Tastes like a warm summer day." (Justified, S06E01)
  • "You need to be smart."
    "What I need is a $6 blow job. A smarter move I cannot imagine." (Justified, S06E01)
  • Swedish songwriters – heh (Empire, S01E03)
  • "What is this?"
    "This is Gus. He's a private detective that I hired."
    "You did what?"
    "He ain't cheating on you…" (Empire, S01E03)


(Best New Restaurant, S01E01)


(Workaholics, S05E02)

  • "No one gives a shit about bloody Cole Porter." (American Horror Story, S04E13)
  • American Horror Story Season Grade: D+
  • "My cock ring is sliding off."
    "Why my father is talking to me with a cinch around his penis is beyond my grasp." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "Can I get a drink?"
    "Go ask one of the other ones."
    "What other ones?"
    "The other ones. The bird lady, the troll man." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "Can I get a drink, please?"
    "No, not now. Ask one of the other ones. The dirty one or the gay one." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "What are some of the things we could talk about?"
    "Creatine shits." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "Cowboys hate teachers. You know, cowboys are independent thinkers who like to learn for themselves." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "Let's just keep it simple. Let's just start with our names."
    […]
    "Hi, ladies. I'm Frak. Shit!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "Ignition (Remix)," "Return of the Mack," "No Scrubs" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "I'll just masturbate." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E02)
  • "She hated the text. She's never going to respond. We have to save face. We have to pretend we were just kidding. Text 'JK.' Text 'JK'!" (Man Seeking Woman, S01E02)


(The Taste, S03E07)

  • The Taste Season Grade: C
  • "You have to try this. Hot cocoa, dark creme de cacao, hint of crème de menthe, and peppermint schnapps. I call it a 'peppermint patty.'" (Archer, S06E03)
  • "We head out at dawn."
    "And that's A.M.?"
    "As opposed to…?"
    "P.M. Dawn?"
    "'Set Adrift on Memory Bliss.' Come on, buddy." (Archer, S06E03)
  • "I have kind of a weird bucket list."
    "Number three: Bang Joe Frazier."
    "[sigh] Really regret sharing that with you." (Archer, S06E03)


(Portlandia, S05E03)

  • "All men like Brigitte Nielsen." (Portlandia, S05E03)


(Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E02)

  • "Make 'Em Say Uhh" reference (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E02)
  • All the food trucks (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E02)
  • "I have many unique skills, including making the Predator noise." (King of the Nerds, S03E01)


(Banshee, S03E03)

  • Mile 69 – heh (Banshee, S03E03)
  • "I am Associate Professor X."
    "Wait a minute. Your name is X, as in the letter 'X'?"
    "E-C-K-S. My parents named me after their favourite film character, Jeremiah Ecks, from Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E03)
  • "They should come out with a video game that's just stuff black people do."
    "Yeah, like a whole level to see who can tuck their shirt in their drawers and sag their pants the best."
    "What would the boss level be?"
    "Sell cocaine for at least five years." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E03)
  • "If I get mad at a little person… What I do is I just throw a big sombrero on top of them and then put tortilla chips in there. And I make them walk around a party with a sombrero full of chips." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E03)
  • "You need Jesus."
    "I need Jesus and a can of ginger ale." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E10)
  • The Eric Andre Show Season Grade: A-

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


3. Fifty Shades of Grey (Togetherness, S01E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have, um, original no flavour and…whole wheat no flavour." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E13)
  • "Wash my dogs, and be warned, they just watched Peabody and Sherman, so they're extra horny." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E13)
  • "We're like Batman and Alfred."
    "You'd rather be Alfred than Robin?"
    "He has access to the Batcave. Plus, he gets to drive all of Batman's girlfriends home and dish." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E13)
  • "I have no idea what a cucumber is." (Worst Cooks in America, S06E02)
  • "You know Norman Reedus?" (Girls, S04E01)
  • "Hard to hate a guy who gives you raisins." (Bob's Burgers, S05E09)
  • "I am never going back to the pit, unless the pit is a cool diner where teens hang out." (Bob's Burgers, S05E09)


Painting of Scott Bakula (Looking, S02E01)

  • "Agustín made a new friend too."
    "Yeah, I did. He's cute. A big bear who cares about trans and has a house in Virginia."
    "Oh, I've always wanted to visit the South."
    "Heh. A 'house in Virginia' – HIV positive." (Looking, S02E01)
  • "If anybody wants to hang, I will be at Subway." (Parks and Recreation, S07E01)


(Parks and Recreation, S07E01)

  • Werner Herzog! (Parks and Recreation, S07E01)
  • "After 47 years living here, I decided to move to Orlando to be closer to Disney World." (Parks and Recreation, S07E01)
  • "Everyone's in a really great mood now because of the Cubs winning in the Series." (Parks and Recreation, S07E02)
  • "This is why they call it Beantown, huh?" (Parks and Recreation, S07E02)
  • "It turns out the crotch blinder was inside you all along." (Parks and Recreation, S07E02)
  • "I like my stomach like I like my suits – no lining." (New Girl, S04E13)
  • "I confiscated this satellite phone with a condom taped to it."
    "My earthquake kit?" (New Girl, S04E13)
  • "A water bottle with the top cut off."
    "That's a cup."
    "That is just a cup." (New Girl, S04E13)
  • Why did Antonia Lofaso replace Waylynn Lucas? (Restaurant Startup, S02E01)
  • Fellatio bib (Empire, S01E02)
  • "Shut up, Dora." (Empire, S01E02)
  • "You gon' Ray Rice me?" (Empire, S01E02)
  • "I asked for capers on the damn bagel!" (Empire, S01E02)
  • "Come on, Barack, you know you don't have to use that kind of languag— [Obama hangs up on Lucious]" (Empire, S01E02)
  • "First off, I have to commend your son, Hakeem Lyon, who recently accused President Obama of being a sellout." (Empire, S01E02)
  • "Every time I intubate a patient, I am reminded of how far we've come because of the accomplishments of 'Dr.' King."
    "Did you just air quote Dr. King?"
    "No… I am a medical doctor because of 'Dr.' King."
    "Are you hating on Dr. King?"
    "No, he is a great man, Dre! He has a Nobel Peace Prize, okay? I do not have one! But if you were to have a heart attack, he would give a great speech, and I would keep you alive." (Black-ish, S01E12)
  • Another Asylum character tie-in (American Horror Story, S04E12)
  • "You're a regular Gabriel Iglesias."
    "Iiiii wouldn't say that. Fluffy's very talented." (Workaholics, S05E01)
  • "Get that pecker out, buddy."
    "Okay, I can't. I'm sorry. It's like… It's very small, all right? It's like the, you know, the plastic thing at the end of a shoelace." (Workaholics, S05E01)
  • "Every gash is somebody's daughter." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "He did a monologue from Precious, which isn't even in the karaoke book." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "Uh ohhhh! There's a Jew at Hitler's party." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "When I was in Austria, back in the era, I would say 'That one,' and my bodyguards, they would take her, and they would put her in my bed. They would burn the house down. That was my Tinder." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "Don't you still love me?"
    "Josh…"
    "I'm better than Hitler!" (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "I'm sorry, Hitler." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "Isn't Argentina our ally?"
    "You'd think, right, after we threw them that lovely coup?" (Archer, S06E02)
  • "What the hell are you doing?"
    "I'm Archerizing this plan."
    "What? No, no. Uh-uh. You cannot make yourself a verb. I will not allow it." (Archer, S06E02)


"Thanks, Mr. Bearjangles." (Archer, S06E02)

  • Justin Long! (Portlandia, S05E02)
  • Changing up the opening credits (Banshee, S03E02)
  • "What if he calls it off?"
    "As Coldplay would say, don't panic. My boy Scott can, as Coldplay would say, talk his way out of anything." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E02)
  • "You better stop making like Coldplay by creating trouble and get back to work." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E02)
  • Twin Shadow! (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E02)
  • "It kind of sounds a little bit like a bong."
    "UC Santa Cruz." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E02)
  • Maya Rudolph corpsing at the end of the Claire Coulter interview (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E02)
  • Andy Samberg refusing to whip out his junk because he's doing better than Eric Andre (The Eric Andre Show, S03E09)


(The Eric Andre Show, S03E09)

  • Kevin Hart sure likes leather clothing (Saturday Night Live, S40E11)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

2. Christina (Worst Cooks in America, S06E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "The fanny runs deep." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E12)


(Worst Cooks in America, S06E01)

  • "Hold on. I recognize that sound. It's butts on brass." (Bob's Burgers, S05E08)
  • "How are we going to get past Ms. Schnur?"
    "I have an idea."
    […]
    "Hey, Penny Marshall's outside!" (Bob's Burgers, S05E08)
  • Retconning this season's case? (Broadchurch, S02E01)


(Bodyshockers, S02E01)

  • "We got a code Jewish, code Jewish."
    "You're under ch'arrest." (New Girl, S04E12)
  • "Girl's like a…pepperoni." (New Girl, S04E12)
  • "So that was a huge failure. I feel like a Democrat." (New Girl, S04E12)
  • Common hosted, judged, and recorded a theme song for a furniture building competition (Framework, S01E01)
  • Nicole's accent is bizarre (The Real World, S30E04)
  • "The president is asking that you'll attend the China state dinner."
    "Okay, tell Barack that, yes, but this is the last one for the next few months." (Empire, S01E01)
  • "I'm not competing with that sound." (Empire, S01E01)
  • "Take that damn bass out of your voice when you talking to me!" (Empire, S01E01)
  • Lucious literally binning his gay son (Empire, S01E01)
  • "I want to show you a faggot really can run this company." (Empire, S01E01)
  • With Cuba Gooding Jr., this show will star FOUR Academy Award nominees (Empire, S01E01)
  • "This place, these people, are our world, and it is like a banquet full of delicious possibilities. But our top priority is sex." (American Horror Story, S04E11)
  • "Is that medicine?"
    "It's painkillers mixed with candy. I call them 'Mike and Vics.'" (Archer, S06E01)
  • "You're gonna need my help."
    "Ha! Because you also need my help!"
    "Only because you just broke two of my ribs, in addition to impaling me on a bamboo stake, on which, I think we both know, you smeared some poop!" (Archer, S06E01)
  • Ty Burrell corpsing throughout the Fabrice Fabrice interview (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E01)


(The Eric Andre Show, S03E08)

  • "Investigate 311." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E08)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

Cycle six!

1. Nerds (Friends of the People, S01E10)


Stray Observations

  • A $25,000 winner! (Cutthroat Kitchen, S06E10)
  • Friends of the People Season Grade: C+

Looking forward (GULP):

A Lord and Miller sitcom! Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on Adult Swim! This Is England does rave culture!

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clips of the Year

To recap:

1. Unhung Hero
2. Enlisted
3. WWE Raw
4. The Midnight Beast
5. Bob's Burgers
6. New Girl
7. True Detective
8. Looking
9. Hannibal
10. Hannibal
11. Review
12. Rick and Morty
13. Portlandia
14. Portlandia
15. WWE Raw
16. Game of Thrones
17. Fargo
18. Hannibal
19. Vice
20. Hannibal
21. Hannibal
22. Mad Men
23. Silicon Valley
24. Veep
25. Game of Thrones
26. 24
27. Nathan For You
28. Nathan For You
29. Conan
30. Utopia [UK]
31. The Leftovers
32. The Strain
33. Utopia [UK]
34. Nathan For You
35. Wizard Wars
36. You're the Worst
37. Wizard Wars
38. The Bridge
39. The Knick
40. The Simpsons
41. Late Show with David Letterman
42. The Amazing Race
43. Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories
44. "Too Many Cooks"
45. South Park
46. Friends of the People
47. South Park
48. The Amazing Race
49. The Eric Andre Show
50. Black-ish
51. The Eric Andre Show


52. Perhaps the greatest college football play any of us have ever seen (Popeyes Bahamas Bowl, 12-24-14)


Stray Observations

  • "My wife made a lasagna." (Homeland, S04E12)
  • "Walter retired. It's now a Pain Quotidien." (Homeland, S04E12)
  • "We are the no men of no man's land." (Homeland, S04E12)
  • Homeland Season Grade: B-
  • "Rick here has the hands of a ballplayer and the face of an owner." (Friends of the People, S01E09)


(Mozart in the Jungle, S01E01)

  • "Philip Gla– I hate Philip Glass." (Mozart in the Jungle, S01E05)
  • "You know, I once did PR for Insane Clown Posse, but these people are fucking insane." (Mozart in the Jungle, S01E10)
  • Mozart in the Jungle Season Grade: C

Top Five Television Episodes of 2014
5. "The Endorsement" (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E06)
4. "Souvenir Shop / E.L.A.I.F.F." (Nathan For You, S02E02)
3. "Dumb Starbucks" (Nathan For You, S02E05)
2. "Looking for the Future" (Looking, S01E05)
1. "Mizumono" (Hannibal, S02E13)


Top Ten Television Programmes of 2014
10. Fargo
9. Game of Thrones
8. Looking
7. Utopia [UK]
6. Veep
5. Shameless
4. Rick and Morty
3. The Eric Andre Show
2. Nathan For You
1. Hannibal


2013-14 Season Grades
Note: I did not grade a number of programmes whose seasons I only watched some or most of.

Hannibal: A

Nathan For You: A-
Rick and Morty: A-
Shameless: A-
Veep: A-

Game of Thrones: B+
Looking: B+
Sleepy Hollow: B+
Utopia [UK]: B+

24: B
The Americans: B
Babylon: B
Boardwalk Empire: B
The Bridge: B
Brooklyn Nine-Nine: B
Fargo: B
House of Cards: B
King of the Nerds: B
The Knick: B
Restaurant Startup: B
Shark Tank: B
Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories: B

American Horror Story: Coven: B-
Bob's Burgers: B-
Going Deep with David Rees: B-
Hello Ladies: The Movie: B-
Homeland: B-
The Leftovers: B-
Mad Men: B-
Orange Is the New Black: B-
Parks and Recreation: B-
Troy: B-
True Detective: B-

Banshee: C+
Black Mirror: White Christmas: C+
Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule: C+
Chozen: C+
Comedy Bang! Bang!: C+
Community: C+
Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey: C+
Enlisted: C+
Getting On: C+
Girls: C+
Halt and Catch Fire: C+
Happy Valley: C+
The Honourable Woman: C+
In the Flesh: C+
Justified: C+
Loiter Squad: C+
Louie: C+
Masters of Sex: C+
Matador: C+
Orphan Black: C+
Penny Dreadful: C+
Portlandia: C+
Prey: C+
Rectify: C+
Review: C+
Silicon Valley: C+
South Park: C+
The Strain: C+
Trailer Park Boys: C+
Transparent: C+
Vice: C+
Wizard Wars: C+
Workaholics: C+

The Amazing Race 25: C
Archer: C
Bates Motel: C
Black Jesus: C
Face Off 6: C
Face Off 7: C
MasterChef: C
MasterChef Canada: C
MasterChef Junior: C
Modern Family: C
Mozart in the Jungle: C
Mr. Pickles: C
Saturday Night Live: C
The Taste: C
The Taste UK: C
Top Chef: New Orleans: C
Top Chef Canada: C
The Walking Dead: C

Bad Education: C-
The Driver: C-
Friday Night Dinner: C-
The League: C-
Key and Peele: C-
New Girl: C-
Peaky Blinders: C-
Sons of Anarchy: C-
The Trip to Italy: C-
Wilfred: C-

Broad City: D+
From Dusk Till Dawn: D+

The Amazing Race 24: D

So 97 + Friends of the People, which ends on Tuesday.

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

51. Society's Lies (The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)


Stray Observations

  • The complete No-No List (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Hey. No nose hair trimming."
    "Well, I hope you like nostril bush." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Is it something you can hear Garfield saying? If so, it's glib." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "My keeping things light and being Garfieldian is the only reason we don't fight." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Charles Boyle calls people 'baby' when he gets angry." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • Brassiere in a paper bag (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "I like your hair. It matches your teeth." (Bob's Burgers, S05E07)
  • "You don't screw with a tri-delt." (Getting On, S02E06)
  • Getting On Season Grade: C+
  • MasterChef Junior Season Grade: C


(Black Mirror: White Christmas)

  • Black Mirror: White Christmas Grade: C+
  • Asylum! (American Horror Story, S04E10)
  • "You know what I see when I look at you spewing your shit? A dinosaur, roaring at monkeys sailing by, on bikes, with iPads." (Babylon, S01E06)
  • All the Emmys for Bertie Carvel (Babylon, S01E06)
  • The timing of this show… (Babylon, S01E06)
  • Babylon Season Grade: B
  • An Annotated List of Every Single Person Who Sang in the Colbert Finale (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)
  • Vaping Lincoln (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)
  • "I'm getting angry at liberals." (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)


(The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)

  • "Life begins when Ryan Phillippe is horny and ladies be ovulating." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)
  • The Amazing Race: Blind Dates? (The Amazing Race, S25E12)
  • The Amazing Race Season Grade: C
  • "Really?"
    "With Seth and Amy." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E20)
  • Comedy Bang! Bang! Season Grade: C+
  • Toby Keith and Tim Meadows on both Colbert and Ferguson's finales (The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12-19-14)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

50. Black people can't be racist (Black-ish, S01E10)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Presents is like old people third base."
    "No, that's rubbing butts together." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E10)
  • "Caesar salad with tater tots instead of croutons." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E10)
  • "Who's your favourite president?"
    "Bill Pullman." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "Christmas magic is wine?"
    "It's whatever you want it to be. It can be snow, or Santa, or beer, or gin, or rum, or schnapps." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I thought this was a disco."
    "That's Wednesdays. Thursdays, we watch Scandal." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I'm here every Friday night. And Thursdays. I love Scandal." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I want your big hairy nuts." (Getting On, S02E05)
  • Matt Berry cuts off Josh Homme's nose (Toast of London, S02E06)
  • "I'm going back home to Long Island, the birthplace of the female crew cut." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "It's Christmas."
    "Oh, I didn't know that. I thought they just did a black version of Annie for no reason." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "Hey, let's wait in the first class lounge, like the other HBO Go subscribers." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • Pervert Santa is Mr. Belding?! (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "It was worse than the last season of Scrubs. A teaching hospital? Come on." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "I'm-a cut you and Michael Cera's baby!" (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • "Calling all the fighting spirits of every black martial artist in the universe: Jar Jar Binks, Wendy Williams, Panthro from the ThunderCats." (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • "Ron Artest?"
    "Hey, fool, my name is Tiny Lister." (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • A doll warehouse? (Sons of Anarchy, S07E13)
  • Vic Mackey, heh (Sons of Anarchy, S07E13)
  • Sons of Anarchy Season Grade: C-
  • It's car product placement week on Fox-produced sitcoms (Modern Family, S06E10)
  • "Santa was the first white man I ever loved." (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "The White House was just that – white – until one man broke through and gave my people hope – Dennis Haysbert in 24." (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "Mexican female Santa?! No! Too far from the box! Get closer! Closer to the box!" (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "Goddamn it, I was so close to a nut." (American Horror Story, S04E09)
  • Dandy channeling Yeezus (American Horror Story, S04E09)
  • T-2Pac (South Park, S18E10)


Iggy Azalea (South Park, S18E10)

  • "I am trending into something more than human. I am becoming…trendsgender" – best callback (South Park, S18E10)
  • South Park Season Grade: C+
  • Key and Peele Season Grade: C-
  • Death, taxes, Nigella's team being eliminated first (The Taste, S03E02)
  • "Hey, when you take a wiz, do you get a sense of khalifa?" (The Eric Andre Show, S03E06)
  • "311 never happened." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E06)
  • "1 877 kars for kids." (Saturday Night Live, S40E09)
  • "It's rows and rows of little Filipino ladies." (Saturday Night Live, S40E09)
  • "Someone just mistook her for Mila Kunis."
    "Yes, you do look like Mila! Doesn't she? Yes, yes. And you look like someone famous as well."
    "Really…"
    "Yeah. Who is it?"
    "I know who it is."
    "It's a movie star, isn't it?"
    "Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It's Jude Law." (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • Allison Tolman! (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • "Don't get hung up on any one woman. Not worth it. You know what pussy is spelled backwards? Wise up." (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • Hello Ladies: The Movie Grade: B-


(Homeland, S04E06)

  • "You point your finger at Islam, but if Christianity is to be judged by the misery it has caused mankind, who would ever be a Christian?"
    "I'm a Jew." (Homeland, S04E07)
  • "Afghanistan."
    "The graveyard of empires." (Homeland, S04E07)
  • "I am authorized to kill U.S. citizens on the battlefield, you motherfucker. Don't think I can't do whatever is required. Don't think that I won't." (Homeland, S04E09)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

49. Michael Jackson's "Black Or White" video morphing HANNITIZED (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Terry loves kreplach." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E09)
  • "I had an airtight break-up plan in place. I made a reservation next Thursday at a well-lit Korean restaurant in Midtown. It's the least romantic place I could think of." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E09)
  • "Now I know how Salieri felt." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E09)
  • [fires gun] "Shut up…" (The Walking Dead, S05E08)
  • "Cupcake-flavoured ice cream served on a waffle. Pizza tacos. Robot cake. Hot fudge car wash." (Bob's Burgers, S05E05)
  • "There's no such thing as an innocent fart anymore." (Getting On, S02E04)


(Getting On, S02E04)

  • "I'm studying anogenital distances, gender flips, vaginal atrophy, I have been invited to participate in the Cochran study on anal augmentation for female fecal incontinence…" (Getting On, S02E04)
  • "We can no longer sweep female fecal incontinence under the rug." (Getting On, S02E04)
  • "It was the harmless transmission of an errant vulva." (Getting On, S02E04)
  • "I'm a damn feminist who loves purses. Where else am I supposed to keep my feminist writings? In a purse. That's where."
    "Lena Dunham… [pause] I don't know… I–" (New Girl, S04E10)
  • "What's your favourite thing about America?"
    "Kentucky women."
    "Favourite part of The Rock?"
    "'Welcome to the Rock.'" (New Girl, S04E10)
  • "Now she works whenever she wants. It's a scam called 'consulting.'" (New Girl, S04E10)
  • Drink every time Chibs or Tig receives a phone call and informs Jax what his next scene is (Sons of Anarchy, S07E12)
  • "Go home, Wayne."
    "I can't do that. This is all I got left." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E12)
  • "Leave."
    [grabs leaves] (Modern Family, S06E09)
  • "There is not an Esther Choi on Earth who needs math tutoring." (Modern Family, S06E09)
  • "You race card, sir."
    "Ah, my African-American Express." (Black-ish, S01E09)
  • "Freemium gaming destroys lives. I lost my father to Candy Crush." (South Park, S18E09)
  • "All I do is rip off Missy." (South Park, S18E09)
  • "Death would be preferable to Tampa." (American Horror Story, S04E08)
  • It's matricide week on FX (American Horror Story, S04E08)
  • "I'm not going back to Instagram." (Babylon, S01E04)
  • 2Pac's "California Love" HANNITIZED (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)
  • "I'm using Asian condiments to loosen these cuffs." (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)
  • "What do you think Drag-On is up to now?" (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)


(The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)

  • "Some garbage is OK." (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)
  • "His first name is a crime. Please welcome Rob Corddry." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E18)
  • "813.54."
    "You still remember my Dewey Decimal number."
    "Zero."
    "You still remember the amount of times I've had sex." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E18)
  • "I have a thyroid issue, like my father before me." (Saturday Night Live, S40E08)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

48. Pain for pleasure (The Amazing Race, S25E09)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I could not get enough of the ponies." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E08)
  • "The only way to make things right is to do the worst, most awful thing imaginable."
    "Dip your penis in vinegar." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E08)
  • "Some things might come easier to you if you stop being such a perfectionist, a concept you should become…familiar with."
    "Familiar with… A dangling preposition?"
    "I'm setting an example. I made an error, and I'm not going to correct it. I'm just going to let it dangle, dangle, dangle." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E08)
  • Ricky Jay: "We're not magicians." (Getting On, S02E03)
  • "Jacuzzi filled with nipples…" (Mr. Pickles, S01E10)
  • Mr. Pickles Season Grade: C
  • "You really scared me, Master Bruce. If you die… Who employs butlers anymore?" (Gotham, S01E10)
  • "Jess brought me a hot lunch lady. What am I supposed to do with that?"
    "Do sex with the lunch lady. That's obvious."
    "I know how it sounds, but she's, like, a real lunch lady."
    "After she has sex with you, she could put food in your mouth." (New Girl, S04E09)
  • "Rooney is my people." (New Girl, S04E09)


LOOK WHO'S BACK (Degrassi, S14E05)

  • Drinking beer with a straw (Friends of the People, S01E05)
  • Young Maurice the god – ha! (Friends of the People, S01E05)
  • "I'm not wearing any underwear."
    "Then how do you block the dookies? Do they just fall out?" (Friends of the People, S01E05)
  • "That dude, whoever owns Boingo, got a boat, probably." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E04)


Poob implants (The Eric Andre Show, S03E04)


Mac DeMarco does his own stunts (The Eric Andre Show, S03E04)


(The Eric Andre Show, S03E04)

  • Curtain rod on subway train gag (Broad City, S01E04)
  • Broad City Season Grade: D+
  • Restaurant Startup Season Grade: B
  • Rescuing/reviving frozen Ricky (Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)
  • Ricky's previous mishaps montage (Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)
  • "That's why the A-Team was probably so good, 'cause they got this little shortcut-y path thing right here in the middle." (Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)


(Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)

  • "♫ I am like the wind / You can blow me anytime / Just take me in your mouth / And blow me ♫" (Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)
  • "Calm the fuck down, Home Alone." (Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)
  • "Gary LaserEyes is infested!" (Trailer Park Boys, S08E05)
  • Liquor ball sandwiches (Trailer Park Boys, S08E05)
  • Bubbles in the laundromat (Trailer Park Boys, S08E05)


(Trailer Park Boys, S08E07)


Drake (Trailer Park Boys, S08E07)

  • Directed by Cory? (Trailer Park Boys, S08E08)
  • The mortician swinging a hair dryer (Trailer Park Boys, S08E08)


Civil Rights Movement shirt (Trailer Park Boys, S08E08)

  • "Help my fuck" – Tyrone's catchphrase (Trailer Park Boys, S08E09)
  • Directed by Jay Baruchel? (Trailer Park Boys, S08E10)
  • Trailer Park Boys Season Grade: C+
  • "They went to the Beverly Center with him like that, mom."
    "Ew! No one goes to the Beverly Center." (Transparent, S01E05)
  • "Is this Zankou? Where's the garlic stuff?" (Transparent, S01E09)
  • "You're fucking the rabbi?" (Transparent, S01E09)
  • Transparent Season Grade: C+

#clipoftheweek