Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

13. Matt and Jay try to turn a hostage situation into a chance to play the Rivoli (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E08)


Honourable Mention

  • Montage of their animosity toward one another (Feud, S01E03)
  • Lavar Ball interview (First Take, 03-23-17)

Stray Observations

  • "Wait, is that…? This is your mom too? Are we sisters?" (Bob's Burgers, S07E13)
  • "I can't get through to Tina, but you know what can? Some strong heroine." (Bob's Burgers, S07E13)
  • "So, in conclusion, outer space, determination, and karate." (Bob's Burgers, S07E13)
  • "Clear eyes, full hearts, I'm Cher." (Making History, S01E03)
  • Deb eating a coaster (Making History, S01E03)
  • "I've been drinking my own breast water to survive." (Making History, S01E03)
  • "M and M?"
    "That year, from here to here, I spent smoking meth and masturbating." (Homeland, S06E09)
  • "Hey, I think she's trying to say something."
    "Waa…"
    "Wine! She needs wine!" (The Last Man on Earth, S03E12)
  • "Hey, it's Henry Wadsworth Long-mellow! […] Mellow-nor Roosevelt, out." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E12)
  • "By the way, my penis is waaay larger than one sixth of an inch. Well, larger than one sixth of an inch." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E12)
  • "Ahh… Whites." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E12)
  • "Jiminy Glick." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E12)


(Feud, S01E03)

  • "You said he was from Broadway. He's not. I checked. All his stage work is from San Diego."
    "Yeah, the Old Globe. He's a distinguished Shakespearean actor."
    "Oh, I'm sure his Falstaff is the talk of Tijuana." (Feud, S01E03)
  • "And it was Gloria Swanson who was robbed in 1950, not yooUUU, bitch!" (Feud, S01E03)
  • "Women outlive men; children leave. Best get used to it."
    "Oh, Mamacita, how I love your Teutonic pragmatism." (Feud, S01E03)
  • Bette ashing her cigarette in the Pepsi machine (Feud, S01E03)
  • "You're like his white magical negro." (Superior Donuts, S01E08)
  • Gangsters vs. terrorists (24: Legacy, S01E08)
  • Rihanna (Bates Motel, S05E05)
  • Carlton Cuse (Bates Motel, S05E05)
  • Norman in a gay bar (Bates Motel, S05E05)
  • Martha (The Americans, S05E03)
  • "Should we tell Paige about this?" (The Americans, S05E03)
  • "Can I start you gentlemen with something to drink?"
    "I'm good with just water."
    "You sure? The bar has everything."
    "Oh, no, no thanks. I don't drink."
    "I'll have a double bourbon and a Vernors."
    "I'll have a giant glass boot filled with beer."
    "I'm sorry, we don't have that."
    "Well, then your bar doesn't have everything." (Detroiters, S01E07)


(Detroiters, S01E07)

  • "Boys, would you like to hear the world's saddest nine-word novel? 'For sale: Shoes for two inflatable pre-teens. Never used." (Detroiters, S01E07)
  • "I think this is a tad redundant."
    "Protocol."
    "For werewolves."
    "Okay, technically, I have sexually-transmitted lycanthropy." (The Magicians, S02E08)
  • Les Misérables (The Magicians, S02E08)
  • Professor X's wheelchair (Legion, S01E07)
  • "And you're…British?"
    "Like I said, I'm your rational mind." (Legion, S01E07)
  • "Is that supposed to be a British accent?" (Legion, S01E07)


(Legion, S01E07)


(Legion, S01E07)


(Legion, S01E07)

  • Oliver and his Martinis (Legion, S01E07)
  • ♫: The Grassy Knoll – "Art of Fear [feat. Vernon Reid, Brad Houser, and Adam Sultan]" (Legion, S01E07)
  • "I'm second-lead clown in a Russian circus." (Baskets, S02E10)
  • "Communist poodles? How'd they get in the country?" (Baskets, S02E10)
  • "You want to eat at Planet Hollywood, huh? With Arnold Schwarzenegger? Steven Seagal? You know what? You're fired, or whatever your new president says." (Baskets, S02E10)
  • Baskets Season Grade: A-


(Review, S03E02)

  • "I had no idea what you said about me during my murder trial until I took off my Helkelmet [my Helen Keller helmet]." (Review, S03E02)
  • "You used to do things because you wanted to do them, not because, 'Ohh, a stranger said I should take my dick out and walk all over my ex-wife's front lawn.'"
    "Okay, that was not the review requests. I was living my dream." (Review, S03E02)
  • Dog Day Afternoon (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E08)
  • "Pull out the gun, and go, 'And his name is John Cena!'"
    "You can't just pull out a gun and yell 'John Cena.' The plan is good enough. We don't need to add a John Cena part to everything."
    "It's a John Cena element." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E08)
  • "Is this guy black too? Nooo! This is so terrible. Oh, no, okay. No, this guy's white. Okay, they're a mixed gang. This is actually kind of nice. They must have been very good buddies. Maybe they all went to, like, uhh, art school together." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E08)
  • [watching The Negotiator] "Very fuckable film." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E08)
  • "Back once again with the renegade masters." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E08)
  • Nirvanna the Band the Show Season Grade: B+

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Legion
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

12. Feeling Good (Legion, S01E06)


Stray Observations

  • "If you thought nougat likes lots of humidity, you'd be wrong, dead wrong." (Bob's Burgers, S07E12)
  • "Well, nowadays, business isn't done in offices. Business is done walking really fast down long hallways and at urinals. Haven't you seen Entourage?"
    "Is it a show about people peeing and getting stuff done?"
    "Yeah, more or less." (Bob's Burgers, S07E12)
  • "After seeing that Peppermint Patricia wrapper…" (Making History, S01E02)
  • "I don't want to have this conversation in front of the guns." (Making History, S01E02)
  • "We got an airplane. If we didn't have tiny bottles, we'd be giant buttholes." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E11)
  • RT: The full list of celebrities Tandy lists in his toast, pump-up speech, and eulogy: Galileo, Sir Isaac Newton, Thomas Alva Edison, Doug Henning, Pelé, Peter Frampton, Jonas Salk, Lena Dunham, Shel Silverstein, Kenny Loggins, George Washington Carver, Nelson Mandela, Jim Henson, Hamilton, the guy who did Hamilton, Neil Armstrong, Johnny Appleseed, SEAL Team Six, Ryan Lochte [before Rio]. (The Last Man on Earth, S03E11)
  • Todd's somber rendition of "Fly" by Sugar Ray (The Last Man on Earth, S03E11)


(The Last Man on Earth, S03E11)

  • "There's no good way to tell people you haven't seen The Wire." (Crashing, S01E04)
  • "How, specifically, would you handle your business?"
    "I'd get mine. Set it off. Be a man. Man up. You know, represent, man. You gotta flip the switch, man. You gotta light it up."
    "Sorry, a lot of these sound like lyrics from the album Willennium." (Crashing, S01E04)
  • "How dare you mention Pepsi. Unlike you, it's good and pure." (Feud, S01E02)
  • "Women will do what they always do when they're cornered – eat their own and pick their teeth with the bones." (Feud, S01E02)
  • TONY ALMEIDA BYKE (24: Legacy, S01E07)
  • ♫: Alana Yorke – "Anthem" (Bates Motel, S05E04)
  • "And I read that authors should all have a strong look, so I found four authors with strong looks and I combined them. Tom Wolfe? White suit. Hunter S. Thompson? Yellow sunglasses. David Foster Wallace? Bandana. Toni Morrison? The Presidential Medal of Freedom." (New Girl, S06E19)
  • "Guess who has two dressers."
    "Rip Torn."
    "No, me."
    "I mean, you and Rip Torn."
    "Stop talking about Rip Torn." (New Girl, S06E19)
  • "I almost hit you with this brushed steel modern lamp." (New Girl, S06E19)
  • "She's your girlfriend. I'm your good friend. She should get to make you sheet cake."
    "That makes sense. I just need to make something clear between us if that's okay. You're saying 'sheet' like 'ghost clothes,' not like 'in a toilet,' right?" (New Girl, S06E19)
  • "The Asian Flush." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E17)
  • Jeremy Lin, Ming-Na Wen, Ali Wong (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E17)
  • Bennigan's (The Americans, S05E02)
  • "Campbell's Soup: 'It's just wet ass food.'" (Detroiters, S01E06)

"We've never been on the cover of a magazine…"
"Well, Chubby Buddies…"

(Detroiters, S01E06)

  • "Spirit Airlines: 'Dying while flying.'" (Detroiters, S01E06)
  • "Bologna: 'Because it's all the meats.'" (Detroiters, S01E06)
  • "Paella only has…22 ingredients?! What does it do? Summon a genie?" (Speechless, S01E18)
  • "Stop singing Imagine Dragons to get me off the track." (The Magicians, S02E08)
  • "You think that I stole something?"
    "Can you believe that, Vivian? Doesn't it just make [pulls out phone] you want to pout?" (Black-ish, S03E18)
  • "Okay, look, black nanny is not a thief."
    "It's Vivian."
    "Please, black nanny, I'm defending you." (Black-ish, S03E18)
  • "Such a sweet little baby, and me, your very own walking, talking fungus." (Legion, S01E06)
  • Craig Kilborn (Workaholics, S07E10)
  • ♫: Asher Roth – "I Love College" (Workaholics, S07E10)
  • "This right here I don't understand. Why am I not the guy in the chair?"
    "Adam, that's not how a bar mitzvah works."
    "I thought I was DJ-ing at a sports bar called 'Bar Mitt Fuzz.' It's a bar mitt and there's fuzz in it." (Workaholics, S07E10)
  • Workaholics Season Grade: D-
  • "Two Boones for one dollar?" (Baskets, S02E09)
  • "We'll have one cup of liquid cheese and an application, please." (Baskets, S02E09)
  • "If somebody gave you a Quiznos franchise, you'd run it into the ground." (Baskets, S02E09)
  • "Suze Orman is not a bitch." (Baskets, S02E09)
  • My Dinner with Andre (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E07)
  • "I don't need any more noodles."
    "But I do, so fuck him and fuck you too. [pause] Eminem." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Legion
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


11. CGI Deer (The Walking Dead, S07E12)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "She loves revenge – revenge and shrimp." (Bob's Burgers, S07E11)
  • "Try something from a movie."
    "It's Friday, you ain't got no job, and you ain't got nothing to do."
    "A white movie."
    "Show me the money." (Making History, S01E01)
  • "Thank you for what? All that's happened is I've puked, I had an axe thrown at my head, I was treated like a slave, and I drank John Hancock's urine! He is my idol, Dan! My number one! And I drank the pee of the man who is my number one!"
    "Well, I don't think it was just John Hancock's, FYI. I think everyone had a squeeze." (Making History, S01E01)
  • "I'm making you that soup…in my heart." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E10)
  • "You're a cat person that eats dog food, and I'm a dog person that eats cat food. I guess we're more alike than I thought." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E10)
  • "What are you selling the couch for?"
    "I don't know. Like, $150?"
    "$150? Are you shitting me? Jess, that's not CB2. That's Crate and Barrel. That's CB1, okay? It came assembled." (Crashing, S01E03)
  • Plastic-covered furniture (Feud, S01E01)
  • "Everything written for women seem to fall into just three categories: Ingénues, mothers, or Gorgons." (Feud, S01E01)
  • "I need a lunch thing." (Feud, S01E01)
  • "Fish Jell-O. Goodie." (Feud, S01E01)
  • "That poor masseuse. Touching Arthur's feet is what they call a 'sad ending.'" (Superior Donuts, S01E06)
  • Dan and Melissa's fight on The Real World: Miami (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E16)
  • Biggie storyline timing (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E16)
  • Lotta digging (The Americans, S05E01)
  • "You're cooler than either of my moms. I'd tell them, but they're at Coachella."
    "Did you hear that, Dylan? I'm cooler than Coachella lesbians." (Speechless, S01E17)
  • "Why are the DeBarges the new face of Boxable?"
    "Oh, I'll tell you why – 'cause our boy Dre here's colorstruck. He's got that beige rage." (Black-ish, S03E17)
  • "All right, so we got, uh, four black coffees and one iced caramel macchiato with extra cream."
    "Extra cream."
    "It's the Michael Jackson of coffees." (Black-ish, S03E17)
  • "Is that the guy that is the captain now?" (Black-ish, S03E17)
  • "Dre, this was supposed to be your Do the Right Thing, but it is your Chi-Raq." (Black-ish, S03E17)
  • Silence (Legion, S01E05)
  • When Cary falls prey to the muting spell that's hit the rest of the group (Legion, S01E05)
  • It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season Grade: C+
  • Man Seeking Woman Season Grade: C
  • "You know, I built you up too much in my head. I did the same thing with the Hobbit movies."
    "I am not the Hobbit movies."
    "That sounds like something a Hobbit movie would say." (Powerless, S01E05)
  • "Hey, loser, you want to go out with me?"
    "No. Why would you think that?"
    "Uhh, because I've been negging you hard. All of Reddit said this would work." (Powerless, S01E05)
  • Monogrammed Quiznos jacket (Baskets, S02E08)
  • "I'm sorry I put the Chemical brothers in a headlock, made them kiss each other, say 'I love you,' and then I buhshed their heads together."
    "I can't believe we almost let the Chemical Brothers come between us." (Baskets, S02E08)
  • Whiskey salad: Apples, oranges, marshmallows, whiskey, one raisin. (Baskets, S02E08)
  • Portlandia Season Grade: C-
  • Lost ending (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Legion
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

10. Oliver (Legion, S01E04)


Honourable Mention

  • Tandem fight (Legion, S01E04)
  • Entourage opening credits (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E05)

Stray Observations

  • "I'm not lawful, neutral, or chaotic – none of the above." (The Walking Dead, S07E11)
  • "A man without faith is dangerous." (24: Legacy, S01E05)
  • Norman in full Norma drag (Bates Motel, S05E02)
  • "You look really good in that dress, by the way."
    "Thanks. It's breezy on my vagina." (The Mick, S01E11)
  • "The world is a dangerous place. Nobody's safe. It does not take a little boy in a dress to molest your daughter. I use the girls' room. I could easily molest her anytime I want." (The Mick, S01E11)
  • "Purple horseshoe?! Is this some kind of a political thing?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E15)
  • "Why would she put dirty plates in the drying rack?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E15)
  • "If you weren't stealing, then why was this tucked into your waistband?"
    "Because my pockets were full of Runts candy."
    "Okay, let's see this candy."
    "I ate it on the way over here. That's what they're for. They're my traveling Runts."
    "You even ate the bananas. Yeah, right." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E15)
  • "I took the fall for him. I mean, what's another papaya on my rap sheet?"
    "You mean you sat and watched me eat your Irish elf cereal just so your little brother wouldn't get into trouble?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E15)
  • "Eddie, there's something called a 'white lie,' and that is a lie that protects you from all the things that make white people soft." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E15)
  • "You are simply somebody's meat, boy." (Taboo, S01E08)
  • "I thought the gunpowder was for the Americans."
    "We are Americans." (Taboo, S01E08)
  • Taboo Season Grade: C+
  • "These are all the suits I wore back in the Motown days. This one, Motown 25. This one, Tom Green pranked me in. Made me eat goo." (Detroiters, S01E04)


(Detroiters, S01E04)

  • "I need you to make me a sign."
    "I won't make a sign with the words 'dick,' 'pussy,' or 'shit.'"
    "Wait a minute. What if my name was 'Dick Pussy'?"
    "Is your name 'Dick Pussy'?"
    "For the sake of this argument, yes, it is!"
    "Okay… Well, I'll make whatever sign you like, Mr. Pussy." (Detroiters, S01E04)
  • "Prince Ess." (The Magicians, S02E06)
  • "The prince speaks fluent Earth. Rumour has it his mother is from, uhh, Cincinnaahhti." (The Magicians, S02E06)


(The Magicians, S02E06)

  • "I think this girl's down to grind Eric Nies-style."
    "Yeah, no, she definitely wants to grind Eric Nies-style-y, but that vibe she's throwing towards me."
    "Guys, welcome to the real world, season one, okay? If anybody's gonna be grinding Eric Nies-style-y, it's gonna Heather be me." (Workaholics, S07E08)
  • Rosencricket and Guildenstern Are Dead (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E09)
  • Eric Andre as The Joker (Man Seeking Woman, S03E09)
  • ♫: ZZ Ward – "OverdoZZe (feat. Pell)" (Riverdale, S01E06)
  • Top Chef Season Grade: C
  • Christine hailing a taxi (Baskets, S02E07)
  • Adrian Grenier (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E05)
  • Emilio Estevez (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E05)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Legion
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

9. Don't tell mom the babysitter's Quinn (Homeland, S06E05)


Honourable Mention

  • Alex Jones (Homeland, S06E05)
  • CMFB! (Club for My Friend's Band) (Portlandia, S07E08)
  • Daredevil opening credits (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E04)
  • Filming during and disrupting an actual IMAX premiere screening of The Force Awakens (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E04)
  • Daredevil fight (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E04)

Stray Observations

  • Tina eating cat food (Bob's Burgers, S07E10)
  • Punch from a soap dispenser (Son of Zorn, S01E13)
  • Son of Zorn Season Grade: C


(The Walking Dead, S07E10)

  • Lauren Lapkus' left boob (Crashing, S01E01)
  • "Why is my hand towel on your dick?" (Crashing, S01E01)
  • "He's a really talented artist."
    "Oh, I'm sure he's great. They give all the master artists third grade. What's your fuckin' medium? Hand turkeys? Paste noodles?" (Crashing, S01E01)
  • "Is that the Parthenon?"
    "He's Greek."
    "You're leaving me for a guy that has the fuckin' Parthenon on his back?" (Crashing, S01E01)
  • "Damn. You got unexpected crackhead strength, Kevin."
    "Don't judge me. You don't know where my regular strength ends and my crackhead strength begins." (Superior Donuts, S01E04)
  • "Be careful."
    "Yes, you have your whole…a couple of years ahead of you." (Superior Donuts, S01E04)
  • "Okay, mother, I'm just coming." (Bates Motel, S05E01)
  • "I know everything about you – what scares you, what you want, what you Google." (Bates Motel, S05E01)
  • ♫: Etta James – "At Last" (Bates Motel, S05E01)
  • "September 26, 1983. Bob Forsch, he pitched a no-hitter against the Expos. That was the last day I saw my father. He went to get a hot dog during the seventh inning stretch and he just…never came back."
    "He walked out from a no-hitter?" (The Mick, S01E10)
  • "What kind of rational man believes in justice?" (Taboo, S01E07)
  • Rough golf course (Taboo, S01E07)
  • "I have a use for you." (Taboo, S01E07)
  • "It's a PANDORA bracelet. This one's a heart, you know, for obvious reasons. This one's an owl, because you finished college. And this one's a soccer ball, because it's rad." (Detroiters, S01E03)


(Detroiters, S01E03)

  • "My king, I have the best news."
    "If that rabbit was a prosecco, I'd agree." (The Magicians, S02E05)
  • "Really? Live Free or Die Hard is your favourite Die Hard?" (Black-ish, S03E16)
  • "Everyone, this has been a long day. Why don't we just go sleep on it, and we'll vote first thing in the morning? Scandal is on tonight. Let the kid watch one more Scandal." (Black-ish, S03E16)
  • Coffee maker (Legion, S01E03)
  • "I bought poop on the dark web and stuffed it up my butt to lose weight." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E08)
  • "You're the honey that the bee makes / You're the sugar on the pound…carrot." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E08)
  • "You make life sweet, Dee / You make life sweet for…I…" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E08)
  • "How did you know that I wanted an RPG?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E08)
  • "Awww, there's no rocket! They forgot to put the rocket in there! Dude, I'm so sorry!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E08)
  • "Son, what's this mom's religion?"
    "She's Jewish."
    "Back it up, people!" (Man Seeking Woman, S03E08)
  • "The acceptance of a racist grandfather is still my white whale." (Powerless, S01E04)
  • "He's just a low-level henchman. I dated one in college. It's basically like dating a bass player."
    "Maybe you're right. I mean, it is probably just a fling. It'll flame out or he'll die."
    "Just like dating a bass player." (Powerless, S01E04)
  • Friday Night Lights much? (Riverdale, S01E05)
  • "I cut open my cheese. It's not cheese. It's a tamale." (Top Chef, S14E13)
  • "I'm on the moon. I'm fishing." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E04)
  • "You wanna go to Hooters and get some soup?" (Baskets, S02E06)
  • "That's gonna have to be a rain check on the Hooters soup." (Baskets, S02E06)
  • "I got mixed up with some squatter types. Their leader was a drug-addled flautist." (Baskets, S02E06)
  • "So what's next?"
    "Well, how do you feel about taking a shift in the dunk tank?"
    "You said 'shift,' right?" (Baskets, S02E06)
  • "Martha Brooks. I googled her. Nothing came up."
    "Yeah, that's her." (Baskets, S02E06)


(Baskets, S02E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Young Pope
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


8. Festival of Friendship (WWE Raw, 02-13-17)

part two / part three / part four


Honourable Mention

  • Tim and Sam dance for Sebastian (Detroiters, S01E02)
  • Trapped in the MRI scanner (Legion, S01E02)
  • Airport sushi restaurant (Portlandia, S07E07)

Stray Observations


(Bob's Burgers, S07E09)

  • "Excuse me while I sky kiss this guy." (Bob's Burgers, S07E09)
  • "My apartment! I mean… My car!" (Son of Zorn, S01E12)
  • ♫: "I Saw a Stranger" (Son of Zorn, S01E12)
  • "You know, I'd never seen a live femur before." (Son of Zorn, S01E12)
  • ♫: "Whiskey and Zorn" (Son of Zorn, S01E12)
  • "We both had sex with the same dead guy. Doesn't make us friends." (The Walking Dead, S07E09)
  • "God is for men who have no use for freedom." (The Young Pope, S01E09)
  • "Science is the gift of God, and God taught us that ovulation is spontaneous."
    "Ask a woman about that. Back when it was still believed that there were two kinds of insemination, male insemination involving sperm, female insemination involving eggs, it was considered a sin not to give a woman pleasure. But then, when it was discovered that ovulation was spontaneous, the cost was several billion female orgasms."
    "But it made psychoanalysts rich."
    "The one profession that involves no work and a great deal of money that we let slip through our fingers." (The Young Pope, S01E09)
  • "Who gives a damn about life? Life is not some stupid centerpiece on the side table of nothingness. Life is meant to be used, and to be used well – to love and be loved." (The Young Pope, S01E09)
  • "I never resent anyone. That's my main problem." (The Young Pope, S01E09)
  • "Lenny, you think you're the hinge, but you're the door." (The Young Pope, S01E09)
  • ♫: 13 & God – "Armored Scarves" (The Young Pope, S01E09)
  • Fading to black to when the Flume song's outro kicks in (The Young Pope, S01E09)
  • "How did you do it?"
    "I humiliated him. You have no idea how many objectives can be obtained by humiliating one's fellow man. But there's a secret to it."
    "What is it?"
    "The person humiliated can't realize they've been humiliated." (The Young Pope, S01E10)
  • "In pedophilia, there is only violence, and in homosexuality, there is only love." (The Young Pope, S01E10)
  • "We are power, and power is a banal platitude." (The Young Pope, S01E10)
  • "Goodness, unless combined with imagination, runs the risk of being mere exhibitionism." (The Young Pope, S01E10)
  • "Affliction changes us, Aguirre."
    "But good mood doesn't." (The Young Pope, S01E10)
  • "Those who believe in God don't believe in anything." (The Young Pope, S01E10)
  • The Young Pope Season Grade: B
  • "Scallops aren't for liars." (New Girl, S06E16)
  • "I don't have to explain myself to a chimney sweep." (New Girl, S06E16)
  • "Look at this place. You got a wet bar. You've got a thermostat."
    "And tickets to something called 'The Clippers.'" (New Girl, S06E16)
  • ♫: Vince Staples – "BagBak" (The Mick, S01E09)
  • "There are dark, unsupervised slut pockets all over that Jewish community center." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E13)
  • "I'll show them I am amazing at finding things."
    [Where's Waldo?] (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E13)
  • "Why can't these white people keep track of their kids? Every time we look at a milk carton, we have to see their failures." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E13)
  • Mort Crim is a real anchorman (Detroiters, S01E02)
  • "What size do you think you're gonna be in nine months? Women's medium?" (Speechless, S01E15)
  • "Darling, I'm British. We invited sartorial nonsense." (Speechless, S01E15)


(Speechless, S01E15)

  • "I know we're being serious right now, but that surgeon has the biggest dick." (The Magicians, S02E04)
  • Pastor throws dove Vine (Black-ish, S03E15)
  • "You gotta step your game up, Dre. Put your crew on your back. Get your Kevin Garnett on."
    "You said what? I'm a soccer guy."
    "My turn to bite, my turn to bite. What, exactly, is a Kevin Garnett?" (Black-ish, S03E15)
  • "I'll calm down. I'll drink some whiskey or something."
    "Yeah. Stuff it down with brown. That's the best way to deal with things." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E07)
  • "You know, I'm getting a bad feeling about this, man."
    "Hey, man, do you think maybe that's 'cause of your librarian trauma?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E07)
  • "Hello?"
    "Uhh, yeah, uh, yeah, is yous Daddy and the Boy?"
    "Uhh, y-yes, it is. Boy speaking."
    "I've got a party for you."
    "Umm, Daddy wants to speak with you."
    "Yeah, this is Daddy." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E07)
  • "Why did you make a cheese lollipop?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E07)
  • "Cricket was a bad idea, huh?"
    "Yeah, I know, but we needed that, like, you know, McConaughey MC type."
    "Yeah, but looks like we got AIDS Dallas Buyers Club McConaughey, not Magic Mike McConaughey." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E07)
  • Stripping to "Cat's in the Cradle" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E07)
  • "I guess if I had, like, a million dollars, I might want a dick." (Workaholics, S07E06)


(Man Seeking Woman, S03E07)

  • "It would make me the happiest man in the world if I could have anal sex with your daughter." (Man Seeking Woman, S03E07)
  • Harry Knowles (Man Seeking Woman, S03E07)
  • "Booty tutor?" (Riverdale, S01E04)
  • "As Florence Machine says, the dog days are over." (Baskets, S02E05)
  • "I also had sex with your little Frenchy wife."
    "No, you didn't."
    "Yeah, I did. I pretended to be you and had sex with her."
    "Now I know you’re lying. She would never have sex with me." (Baskets, S02E05)
  • Chip and Dale chugging energy shots as they furiously circle a table and brag about sexual conquests that never happened (Baskets, S02E05)
  • The quick shot of random hikers watching Dale in a clown uniform and Chip with a bloody tissue sticking out of his nose walking along train tracks repeatedly saying "Ronald Reagan" (Baskets, S02E05)
  • "Put money in an Asian kid's hand, that kid will love you for the rest of your life." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E03)
  • Talk show go to commercial (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E03)
  • "Then I saw the truck outside. It scared the shit out of me, so I did what Kevin does in Home Alone and I got the black guy from Space Jam and I put him in the window to try to scare him off." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E03)
  • "What time is it?"
    "Seven!!!" (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Young Pope
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


7. Lenny's Speech (The Young Pope, S01E08)


Honourable Mention

  • Lenny's prayer for Dussollier (The Young Pope, S01E08)
  • Mickey's bizarre, rambling speech (The Mick, S01E08)
  • The Sandlot (Man Seeking Woman, S03E06)
  • "Can I talk to you for a minute?" (Portlandia, S07E06)
  • Mario Kart 64 (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E02)
  • Russell Stover Black History Heart Shaped Box (Saturday Night Live, S42E14)
  • Dueling Banjos (Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: Soulwax – "Krack" (The Young Pope, S01E07)
  • ♫: The Sound – "I Can't Escape Myself" (The Young Pope, S01E07)


(The Young Pope, S01E07)

  • ♫: Post Pines – "Simma" (The Young Pope, S01E07)
  • "Mullins let him go Friday."
    "What?"
    "Yeah. Brought in someone new, who is so not as qualified. We're talking two-year college." (24: Legacy, S01E01)
  • "Who knew Chicago police were so corrupt? I mean, sure, everybody knew, but…" (Superior Donuts, S01E02)
  • "You writers are all so obsessed with mystery."
    "You men of the cloth don't kid around, either."
    "Writers and men of the cloth are the same in that way. They can't afford to solve the mystery because the next day they'd become irrelevant."
    "Writing is the one way I've found of concealing my boundless ignorance. It's a fraud, really, the way of gaining acceptance from the world." (The Young Pope, S01E08)
  • "I was 50 years old myself once, you know? I had my own crisis of faith, like all priests. The second calling is more challenging and more fraught than the first. You no longer have to deal with the enthusiasm of youth. Now you must grapple with disenchantment and the limitations of the rational. You don't believe in God, but that shouldn't upset you." (The Young Pope, S01E08)
  • ♫: Superpitcher – "Rabbits in a Hurry" (The Young Pope, S01E08)
  • "Halitosis is a deformation of the soul." (The Young Pope, S01E08)
  • "The boba is a metaphor. Aly is the tapioca pearl to my milky matcha, each made better by the unlikely presence of the other." (New Girl, S06E15)
  • "You feeling upset about something?"
    "No! I'm just eating edamame." (New Girl, S06E15)
  • "Oh, I feel like my heart is pumping out scalding hot toilet water." (New Girl, S06E15)
  • "'The driver handed him a brown paper sack. Without opening it, Pepperwood knew what was inside: blood-soaked beignets.'" (New Girl, S06E15)
  • "The Color Purple. More like The Color of White Cruelty." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E12)
  • "But I thought you were happy she was going back to school."
    "School? That's what she calls it. I call it 'a hippie birdbath.'" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E12)
  • "You paint?"
    "I used to, every day. This one is called 'Bagel.' This is 'Seashell.' 'Horse and Foal.' 'Unemployed Virgin.' 'Avocados Resting in Bowl.' 'Timothy Looks at Rebecca.' 'Zebra and Giraffe.' 'Zebra in Top Hat.' 'Zebra in Shorts.' 'Dan Quayle.'" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E12)
  • "Are you King or are you Company?" (Taboo, S01E05)
  • "All these chemicals I ingest chase lines of Shakespeare out of me sometimes unbidden." (Taboo, S01E05)
  • "Not only is she among the large number of women I would sleep with, she's also among the much smaller group of women I would masturbate over." (Taboo, S01E05)
  • "We are richer than God. I blaspheme with impunity because the company is at my heel." (Taboo, S01E05)
  • RT: Stuffed ostrich in room whilst he eats boiled ostrich egg (Taboo, S01E05)
  • "Oh, we need some more coal for my fireplace. It's freezing."
    "Why would we do that? This is the Delaney household. We have no warmth here." (Taboo, S01E05)


(Detroiters, S01E01)

  • ♫: Buzzcocks – "Ever Fallen in Love" (Speechless, S01E14)
  • "Because I promise you, I will not go down easily, oo-surpers. Yoo-surpers. Whichever way you're supposed to pronounce it." (The Magicians, S02E03)


(WWE 205 Live, 02-08-17)

  • "Shark tank top?!" (Black-ish, S03E14)
  • "'DeVante' is a great name. It has cultural significance."
    "'DeVante' is the name of the least important member of Jodeci."
    "No, the least important member of Jodeci was Mr. Dalvin and you know that." (Black-ish, S03E14)
  • "Wow. You're not even gonna go, like, 'Vernon' or 'Marcus' or 'Leon'? Just going straight to NFL free safety black name territory, huh?" (Black-ish, S03E14)
  • "'DeVante' sounds like two names played chicken and nobody won." (Black-ish, S03E14)
  • "You remember Roots? There's a scene in the movie where Kunta Kinte…"
    "Oh, what is that? I don't know what that is."
    "[pause] LeVar Burton?"
    "Oh, Reading Rainbow."
    "The black dude from Star Trek." (Black-ish, S03E14)
  • "Look out, faggot!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E06)


(It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E06)

  • "That's not a penis. It's a fist." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E06)
  • "Gay Mac rules! Gay rich Mac!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E06)
  • "Instead of Coachella, it should be called 'Whole-Paycheck-ella.'" (Workaholics, S07E05)
  • "Yeah, I emailed their Hotmail account and I got a reply, like, right away from this dude named 'Mailer Daemon.' I think it's their, like, French manager or something." (Workaholics, S07E05)
  • Chuck Liddell (Workaholics, S07E05)
  • "I also brought in Chang. He's a master contortionist. Trained for 16 years at the Shanghai Circus. He can fold his body into a box the size of a domestic carry-on.
    "Whoa. What's his job?"
    "My roommate's the DJ. I can get us all on the list." (Man Seeking Woman, S03E06)
  • "'Dearest Margaret, the canvas ripped again. At times, it seems my dream of building an all-canvas shoe may never come to pass. But, as ever, I toil on. With everlasting love, Archibald Converse.'" (Man Seeking Woman, S03E06)
  • ♫: Milk and Bone – "Natalie" (Riverdale, S01E03)
  • Dame Lillard (Portlandia, S07E06)
  • "Take a Shhh!" (Portlandia, S07E06)
  • "I love carpet." (Baskets, S02E04)
  • "I can't remember his size."
    "I'm a petite portly, mom." (Baskets, S02E04)
  • "I'm not sure where that is."
    "It's right behind the Iron Curtain." (Baskets, S02E04)
  • "Actually, which one was Kramer? Was it the Jewish woman?" (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E02)
  • Captain Planet Kwame action figure (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E02)
  • "Oh, baby, it is so hot watching you beat up Michael Bolton." (Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special)
  • "When Michael Jordan puts on new shoes, that's a Nike change, baby." (Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special)
  • The Santa Clause (Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Young Pope
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


6. Opening Credits (Powerless, S01E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I love God because it's so painful to love human beings. I love a God that never leaves me or that always leaves me. God, the absence of God, always reassuring and definitive. I'm a priest. I've renounced my fellow men, my fellow women, because I don't want to suffer, because I'm incapable of withstanding the heartbreak of love, because I'm unhappy, like all priests. It would be wonderful to love you the way you want to be loved, but it's not possible, because I am not a man. I'm a coward, like all priests." (The Young Pope, S01E05)
  • ♫: LMFAO – "Sexy and I Know It" (The Young Pope, S01E05)
  • "I have no idea what to do with the friendship of the whole wide world." (The Young Pope, S01E05)
  • "I don't keep anybody around me that doesn't deserve what they get." (Taboo, S01E04)
  • "I have a question. It concerns chemistry. I hope now is not inconvenient." (Taboo, S01E04)
  • "You know, semen not ejaculated at the point of passion turns to poison and narrows the mind. Eventually, you become an ape."
    "So ejaculate. Then we can talk of business." (Taboo, S01E04)
  • "Has the semen yet turned to poison?" (Taboo, S01E04)
  • Tom Hollander tasting cow and pigeon shit (Taboo, S01E04)
  • Tom Hollander high on nitrous oxide (Taboo, S01E04)
  • "Murder…is chips." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E05)
  • "That woman thinks she's a writer, but McSweeney's disagrees." (Man Seeking Woman, S03E05)
  • "That Prosciutto Thing." (Man Seeking Woman, S03E05)


(Man Seeking Woman, S03E05)

  • "I can't lose this job. I take care of my sick grandma."
    "And I like nice things. [pause] I should've went before Ron." (Powerless, S01E01)
  • "Ohhhh. I must really trust you. I just turned my back on a Chicago cop." (Superior Donuts, S01E01)
  • ♫: TRO – "Sa Riera" (Riverdale, S01E02)
  • "I've lost 32 ounces." (Baskets, S02E03)
  • "I'm not gonna smoke heroin in an Applebee's, mom." (Baskets, S02E03)
  • "I got CVS dinner." (Baskets, S02E03)
  • "Have you been drinking mimosas?" (Baskets, S02E03)
  • Matt doing Sam Neill (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E01)
  • Frank heads (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E01)
  • "Somebody graffitied a dick on your store." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E01)
  • "Make sure you get the penis." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S01E01)
  • Totino's Super Bowl ad trilogy (Saturday Night Live, S42E13)
  • "You are my Totino." (Saturday Night Live, S42E13)
  • "Don't eat a snail…" (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E01)
  • "King Robot Baratheon." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E02)
  • RT: Defining Peak TV: Second episode of Riverdale and Santa Clarita Diet end with same Cage the Elephant song. (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E02)
  • "I leave you for five fucking minutes and you bond with my dinner?" (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E03)
  • "Sorry."
    "It's okay. No pee, so…that's a win." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E04)
  • "Pharmaceutical rep hours are super flexible. That's why so many of us have time to go on The Bachelor." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E04)
  • "Yeah, Abby, my mom masturbated and then made waffles." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E05)
  • "So how are you doing?"
    "I'm good. Dan's partner, Anne, has been keeping me distracted. She comes, like, all the time." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E09)
  • "Once you get food over three feet long, it's more about structural integrity than flavour." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E09)
  • "I found a bag of his face behind the ice cream." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E10)
  • "Now, why don't you put down the only known copy of that priceless book, ideally away from the chips and Safeway-brand guacamole?" (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E10)
  • "Unfortunately, my bile guy, Vladé, is on vacation."
    "Can't you just tell Vladé it's an emergency?"
    "Ah, he won't care. He's more reliable than my last bile guy, but the digestive fluid business attracts more hobbyists than professionals." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E10)
  • "With technology, every vacation's a working vacation these days." (Santa Clarita Diet, S01E10)
  • Santa Clarita Diet Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


5. Opening credits (The Young Pope, S01E03/S01E04)


Honourable Mention

  • Sabrina vs. Chip fight (The Mick, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • "Hey, have you seen Zorn?"
    "No. Why? Everything okay?"
    "Well, I'm worried about Alan. He had a 40-minute shower cry."
    "I don't know much about parenting. I'm gonna guess 'gay.'" (Son of Zorn, S01E11)
  • "Presidents don't get chances; they get tested." (Homeland, S06E02)
  • "The young are always more extreme than the old." (The Young Pope, S01E03)
  • "Believers don't cry." (The Young Pope, S01E04)
  • "She's the metronome of sleep." (The Young Pope, S01E04)
  • "Ben, are you watching Alien?! Oh come on, man! Aliens is a way better movie." (The Mick, S01E06)
  • "I have sailed to places where there is no damnation." (Taboo, S01E03)
  • "You could allow your cunt to swallow the work of an honest man." (Taboo, S01E03)
  • "As you know, only a child of Earth can wear the crown of the High King. I will ask you a series of questions designed to root out all pretenders to the throne. Only a true High King will hold the answers in his heart."
    "Come at me."
    "What popular American television program stars actor Tim Daly?"
    "What the fuck?"
    "He was in a lot of TV shows." (The Magicians, S02E01)
  • "This is gonna touch all of Frank's Fluids."
    "My God, there are other fluids?"
    "Yeah. Wolf Cola, some Nip boba drink…" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E04)
  • "Now social media will come down on you with the fury of a middle-aged man who has accomplished nothing." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E04)
  • "You're gonna be puking on your dick in no time." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E04)
  • "I want to, like, put it in one of those trumpet shells and smoke it."
    "It's called a 'cock shell.' I saw that in an underwater porno once."
    "Little Spermaid, yeah." (Workaholics, S07E03)
  • ♫: Melodysheep – "Get Pitted" (Workaholics, S07E03)


(Workaholics, S07E03)

  • "Hodor!" (Workaholics, S07E03)
  • "Ohhh man, we've gotta find a way out of here. I cannot die in Crocs."
    "There's an empty jacuzzi. I cannot die in an empty jacuzzi like my aunts."
    "What?"
    "They all died in an empty jacuzzi." (Workaholics, S07E03)
  • "I'd love to be a cheerleader. It would look great on my college applications. But, last year, when I tried out, Cheryl said I was too fat."
    "'Too season five Betty Draper.'" (Riverdale, S01E01)
  • ♫: Tove Styrke – "Number One" (Riverdale, S01E01)
  • Clown toilet (Baskets, S02E02)
  • "Hey, you know, if you need any jokes, I found a joke book at the dump."
    "What were you doing at the dump? On a date or something?"
    "No, I was just snooping around."
    "Snooping around?"
    "Yeah, what else do you do at the dump?" (Baskets, S02E02)
  • "Martha, take the children back to the corn." (Baskets, S02E02)


(Portlandia, S07E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek


Last call on Adam Riff™'s 2016 audio mixes:

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

4. In the beginning (The Young Pope, S01E01)


Honourable Mention

  • Mickey trying to make Ben throw up by putting her fingers down his throat and jiggling (The Mick, S01E04)
  • La La Land Interrogation (Saturday Night Live, S42E12)
  • Dirty Talk (Saturday Night Live, S42E12)
  • Five Stars (Saturday Night Live, S42E12)

Stray Observations

  • "Who the hell are you?"
    "My name's Sherlock Holmes."
    "The detective."
    "The pirate." (Sherlock, S04E03)
  • Sherlock Season Grade: C-
  • Clown gag (The Mick, S01E04)
  • ♫: Labradford – "By Chris Johnston, Craig Markva, Jamie Evans," (The Young Pope, S01E01)
  • "I'll wait here for my Cherry Coke Zero." (The Young Pope, S01E01)
  • ♫: Melodium – "Kissing Disease" (The Young Pope, S01E01)
  • "The past is an enormous place with all sorts of things inside. Not so with the present. The present is merely a narrow opening with room for only one pair of eyes – mine." (The Young Pope, S01E01)
  • "Was it hard? To close off the Basilica to tourists?"
    "No, no. All we had to do was hang up a sign saying 'closed.'" (The Young Pope, S01E01)
  • ♫: Andrew Bird – "Logan's Loop" (The Young Pope, S01E02)
  • ♫: Recondite – "Levo" (The Young Pope, S01E02)
  • ♫: Land Observations – "Nice to Turin" (The Young Pope, S01E02)
  • "Time for your snack, Holy Father." (The Young Pope, S01E02)
  • "I have to have my snack now." (The Young Pope, S01E02)
  • "This isn't gonna be some back-alley sack waxing." (New Girl, S06E13)


(Fresh Off the Boat, S03E10)

  • Combo! (Taboo, S01E02)
  • RT: King George is basically just fat Mycroft from The Abominable Bride. (Taboo, S01E02)
  • "We are an angry nation."
    "Yeah. I'm counting on it." (Taboo, S01E02)
  • "You are their whore, the same as almost everyone else in this city, apart from those who are actually labeled a 'whore.'" (Taboo, S01E02)
  • "We will haunt this nigger to justice." (Taboo, S01E02)
  • Scroobius Pip (Taboo, S01E02)


(WWE NXT, 01-18-17)

  • "You're kind of a loose cannon."
    "A loose cannon downs more ships." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E11)
  • "He is your new grandma's flowers. Don't let him die." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E11)
  • "I asked for a Randy and he gave me a Brad." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E11)
  • Gregory Hines photograph (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E11)
  • "That is the first time I've wanted to show you all five, not just the middle one." (Speechless, S01E13)
  • Dennis Quaid? (Workaholics, S07E02)


(Workaholics, S07E02)

  • That was Topher Grace? (Workaholics, S07E02)
  • The Methelda Show (Man Seeking Woman, S03E03)
  • "I've ruled the fart inadmissible as evidence." (The Good Place, S01E12)
  • Alice Murphy (The Good Place, S01E12)
  • "As concerning Jason Mendoza, I have heard no statements nor seen any evidence to suggest—ohh. He's from Florida? Yeah. He belongs in the Bad Place." (The Good Place, S01E12)
  • "He who smelt it murdered Janet." (The Good Place, S01E13)
  • (The Good Place, S01E13)
  • Pizza is the new frozen yogurt (The Good Place, S01E13)
  • The Good Place Season Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


3. What About Men? (Portlandia, S07E02)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "'Taking your own life.' Interesting expression. Taking it from who? Once it's over, it's not you who'll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else. Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it." (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "Who's this one? Is this a new person? I'm against new people." (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "Stress can ruin every day of your life; dying can only ruin one." (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "I'm that predictable?"
    "No. I'm just a cock." (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "Oh, the posh boy loves the dominatrix. He's never knowingly under-clichéd, is he?" (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "Is there nights of passion in High Wycombe?" (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "Just text her back."
    "Why?"
    "Because High Wycombe is better than you are currently equipped to understand." (Sherlock, S04E02)
  • "I'm so glad we finally found a use for your grandmother's dollhouse furniture collection "
    "Yeah, me too. I wish she was here to see it, but she's in Tampa, in her grave." (Son of Zorn, S01E10)
  • Terrell Owens – huh (Son of Zorn, S01E10)
  • "Here's my belly button's review of the movie Gone Girl." (Son of Zorn, S01E10)
  • "How am I supposed to learn about life when you won't let me watch The Good Wife?" (Bob's Burgers, S07E08)
  • "People who do not know me soon come to understand that I do not have any sense. Now please do not misunderstand the situation. You send me 12 men, I will return you 12 sets of testicles in a bag, and we can watch your little whores devour them together, before I chop off your trotters, and boil them." (Taboo, S01E01)
  • Jonathan Pryce's use of the F word (Taboo, S01E01)
  • Minnie Driver's discussing her colourful English family (Speechless, S01E12)
  • "What is dressage, after all, but…dancing for horses?" (Speechless, S01E12)
  • "The American white woman is as fickle as a Pinot noir." (Black-ish, S03E12)
  • "White women aren't sisters. We hate each other." (Black-ish, S03E12)
  • "Oh, I'm racist?! I'm a racist?!"
    "Please don't say it…"
    "I have black friends!" (Black-ish, S03E12)
  • "AIDS! AIDS! I got AIDS! I got AIDS! We're coming through."
    "I'm his doctor. My patient's gotta get to the front of the line because he has AIDS."
    "I got the AIDS."
    "He got it from a gay guy in the '80s."
    "I'm not gay… I mean… There's two kinds of AIDS. There's the vagina AIDS, then the needle-based AIDS. I'm a vagina guy."
    "Well, no, actually my test results show that it was the gay AIDS."
    "All AIDS are bad! That's… No good AIDS! But I'm telling you, like I said, this is not the gay AIDS." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E02)
  • "What are you guys doing? You guys doing an AIDS thing?"
    "Oh, yeah. Yeah. I gave Frank a couple hickeys to sell the lesions."
    "Sucked on 'em."
    "Yeah, yeah. You doing a fake daughter thing?"
    "Yeah."
    "Cool." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E02)
  • "Your daughter is a special kid, a gifted child who should be treasured. If she were born in China, she'd… Wait, I already did that. Didn't work. If she were born in… What country treasures their women?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E02)
  • "There's AIDS blood in the pool!"
    "There's goddamn AIDS blood?!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E02)
  • "I'm-a need a little help shaving my butthole."
    "Absolutely not."
    "Shave my butthole, Ders."
    "No. If anything, I'm gonna shave my butthole, and I'm gonna eat chowder so that I can have an explosive O."
    "I have got a thick, thick mane down there, and my family will be embarrassed by my porno if I don't have a slick butthole. Please. You're a swimmer. I know you shave other men's buttholes often."
    "Fine. I'm only doing this because I'm good at it, okay? You trim my chowder, I'll shave your hole."
    […]
    "Right side's done. Go ahead and give it a feel. I put it at a two. I can take it down to a one. It's gonna be prickly, though." (Workaholics, S07E01)
  • "I wasn't a failed DJ; I was pre-successful." (The Good Place, S01E11)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

2. Quantum Leap (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "God is a ludicrous fiction, dreamt up by inadequates who abdicate all responsibility to an invisible magic friend." (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • "I delete any text that begins 'hi.'" (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • Watson's crying (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • "I can handle my 'Quil." (The Mick, S01E01)
  • "Humor trumps violence." (The Mick, S01E01)
  • "Well, clearly, you didn't do it right. Did you remember to laugh at his tiny penis? That part's pretty important." (The Mick, S01E01)


(WWE Raw, 01-02-17)

  • How many times can Marshawn Lynch pronounce a Spanish double L? (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Oh, it was better than fine. It was Laos." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "What are you miming there, sir?"
    "A child tying his tie. I'm trying to do a simple half-Windsor so she knows I'm a baby." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Sussudio demands vinyl." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Remember how furious you got that time your sister ended an e-mail with 'thx' instead of 'thanks'?"
    "Why would you bring that up?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Ugh. Terry hates hospitals. They reek of death."
    [elderly woman clears throat]
    "Oh, not you, ma'am. You reek of life." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Oh. It's just my former lover. Hello, sister." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E11/12)
  • "Only men have secret families." (New Girl, S06E11)
  • "If I don't have my taste, then what's real? Are cargo shorts gorgeous? Was I wrong about rubber awareness bracelets? Should I grow a goatee?" (New Girl, S06E11)
  • "I like the colonel very much. When I was a little girl, he came to my village in Guatemala and built the hospital, and then he brought me and my mother back to the States."
    "And you've been trapped here ever since? Ugh. You're like a veal." (The Mick, S01E02)
  • "Very cool that we both have rash stories." (The Mick, S01E02)
  • "Pam said that kids looking at online porn is an epidemic."
    "Like Cross Colours?" (Black-ish, S03E11)
  • "Someone's tweeting as my butt, Dre." (Black-ish, S03E11)
  • "It's Old Black Man's night to pick the movie." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E01)
  • "Oh, right, that's the lesson we have to learn – that black people will ruin your credit." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E01)
  • "I'm gonna say the N woooorrrrd!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S21E01)
  • "We're church blacks!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E01)
  • "What are the rules?"
    "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't, don't…"
    "I'm sick of that one." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S12E01)
  • ♫: Caveman – "Never Going Back" (Man Seeking Woman, S03E01)
  • "What's this show called again?"
    "It's Deirdre and Margaret. It ran for 16 years on the BBC. They did nearly 30 episodes." (The Good Place, S01E10)
  • ♫: *NSYNC – "Digital Get Down" (The Good Place, S01E10)
  • Run the Jewels (Portlandia, S07E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

Year eight.

1. Darius Rucker performance (Top Chef, S14E05)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Chinese food? What?" (Cutthroat Kitchen, S14E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek


Looking forward:

Nirvanna the Band the Show is a celebration of popular culture, social absurdity, and friendship that blends fictional stories with real-world interactions. I have seen three episodes and am very high on it.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

Previously on Adam Riff™:
1. Ash vs. Evil Dead
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
3. Celebrity Big Brother
4. Baskets
5. Man Seeking Woman
6. Saturday Night Live
7. Triumph's Election Special 2016
8. American Crime
9. WWE Raw
10. Man Seeking Woman Woman Seeking Man
11. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
12. Daredevil
13. The People vs. O.J. Simpson
14. Saturday Night Live
15. Conan in Korea
16. Brooklyn Nine-Nine
17. Bob's Burgers
18. United Shades of America
19. NBA on TNT
20. The Americans
21. Saturday Night Live
22. Game of Thrones
23. TNA Impact Wrestling
24. Preacher
25. O.J.: Made in America
26. Game of Thrones
27. Game of Thrones
28. Preacher
29. Trailer Park Boys
30. Fleabag
31. Fleabag
32. The Eric Andre Show
33. Triumph's Summer Election Special 2016
34. Catfish: The TV Show
35. The Eric Andre Show
36. The Late Late Show with James Corden
37. Atlanta
38. Quarry
39. Brad Neely's Harg Nallin' Sclopio Peepio
40. Atlanta
41. You're the Worst
42. Ash vs. Evil Dead
43. Atlanta
44. Quarry
45. Insecure
46. Planet Earth II
47. The Last Man on Earth
48. Ash vs. Evil Dead
49. Jon Glaser Loves Gear
50. Conan Without Borders: Berlin
51. TNA Impact Wrestling




52. Bilingual Reporter (Triumph's Election Watch 2016: The Home Stretch/The Finale)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • ♫: VHS Collection – "Lean" (Shameless, S07E12)
  • Shameless Season Grade: D
  • People of Earth Season Grade: D+
  • "I am clear-headed in a shirt that wicks moisture from my body." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E10)
  • "There is no death in compression shorts." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E10)
  • Relaxation hoodie (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E10)
  • "Jonathan Matthew Pit Zips Glaser." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E10)
  • Pit zip tattoo (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E10)
  • Jon Glaser Loves Gear Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

2016 AR™TV World Drama Championship Reigns
Fargo – 9 weeks
The People vs. O.J. Simpson – 12 weeks
Game of Thrones – 7 weeks
Stranger Things – 24 weeks and counting

2016 AR™TV World Comedy Championship Reigns
Nathan For You – 6 weeks
Baskets – 18 weeks
Veep – 7 weeks
The Eric Andre Show – 5 weeks
Atlanta – 16 weeks and counting

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

51. Total Nonstop Deletion! – Abridged (TNA Impact Wrestling, 12-15-16)


Honourable Mention

  • Chainsaw Fight (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E10)

Stray Observations

  • Henrietta breastfeeding Ash (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E10)
  • "Brand spankin' new hand. Or, brand new spankin' hand?" (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E10)
  • Force ghosts (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E10)
  • Ash vs. Evil Dead Season Grade: C+
  • "Can't we just convert to Judaism? Scott's mom really loves it, and we wouldn't have to do squat on a Friday night ever again." (Son of Zorn, S01E09)
  • "Any scooper with tuna in it is a good scooper." (Son of Zorn, S01E09)
  • Rosita's aim (The Walking Dead, S07E08)
  • "I put a Rembrandt on mine." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E09)
  • The Roomba vacuuming Gail's note (The Last Man on Earth, S03E09)
  • Gail! (The Last Man on Earth, S03E09)
  • "I'm worth 100 Eva Maries! I am worth 1000 Eva Maries!" (WWE Raw, 12-12-16)
  • "Trust me. It's gonna be fine."
    "Really? 'Cause you said that about Die Hard 5, Jake." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E10)
  • Schmidt playing Travolta playing Shapiro (New Girl, S06E10)
  • "Christmas is just so stressful, with the lists, and the lines, and the dancing girls at TV Town Song Room."
    "TV Town Song Room? Do you mean Radio City Music Hall? How could you get so many things wrong in a row?" (New Girl, S06E10)
  • "Sorry. I, I took the last Jew thing." (New Girl, S06E10)
  • "Amy Tan has lived life." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E08)
  • "You white people love throwing around that word – 'impossible.' 'Oh, Jennifer, my bangs are impossible.'" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E08)
  • "Babies are stronger now."
    "Like weed." (Black-ish, S03E09)
  • Rectify Season Grade: D
  • Beanbags filled with burritos (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E09)


(Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E09)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


50. Conan Submits To A Dominatrix (Conan Without Borders: Berlin, 12-07-16)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • ♫: "Swimming Pools [Drank]" (Son of Zorn, S01E08)
  • ♫: Glass Candy (Westworld, S01E10)
  • "The maze wasn't meant for you." (Westworld, S01E10)
  • Felix thinking he's a host (Westworld, S01E10)
  • Samuraiworld/Eastworld (Westworld, S01E10)
  • "The gods are pussies." (Westworld, S01E10)
  • "Die well." (Westworld, S01E10)
  • "A metaphor."
    "You mean a lie." (Westworld, S01E10)
  • "The divine gift does not come from a higher power, but from our own minds." (Westworld, S01E10)
  • ♫: "Exit Music" × "Westworld Main Title" (Westworld, S01E10)
  • Westworld Season Grade: C
  • "A baseball bat doesn't have a pussy." (The Walking Dead, S07E07)
  • ♫: Strand of Oaks – "HEAL" (Shameless, S07E10)
  • "She could be stuck in a pit somewhere, or quicksand, or even worse, slowsand, a slower, more torturous form of dangerous sand." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E08)
  • "The Doors? Man, that's a nice white group." (New Girl, S06E09)
  • "Maybe I've lost touch with the people. Serves me right being such a damn success. I'm sitting in my ivory tower like Dan Brown."
    "Nick, you're a very talented writer, but you're no Dan Brown."
    "Well, if I'm no Dan Brown, and I'm no man of the people, then who am I?" (New Girl, S06E09)
  • "I gotta fix the boiler."
    "Oh, gas or steam?"
    "…Double."
    "It's a double." (New Girl, S06E09)
  • "I've read this same sentence, like, 20 times. Am I ever gonna find out where the red fern grows?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E07)
  • ♫: "Two Princes," heh (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E07)
  • "Happy birthday, little Henry. I hope you wished for herpes." (Black-ish, S03E09)
  • "Gear-i, pull up 'Klump diet.'"
    "I love the Klumps, but there might not be enough time to pull that off. You don't want to under-do the Klumps." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E08)
  • "The cum and joke mines of Mars." (South Park, S20E10)
  • South Park Season Grade: D-
  • RT: I don't know how this owl puppet is possible, but good work, prop crew! (Saturday Night Live, S42E09)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

49. Pasta Bañana (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E07)


Honourable Mention

  • Shootout (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)

Stray Observations

  • "So what's everybody's Christmas plans?"
    "I'm going to treat myself to a new penis." (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)
  • "Hey, where did all the tiny candy canes go? Augie…"
    "What? I needed them for my tiny candy cane trees."
    "But how the hell will my candy cripples walk?" (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)
  • "You're carolers, right? I love carolers."
    "Love killing them, or…?"
    "What?"
    "Nothing." (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)
  • "What's happening?"
    "We're pointing guns at each other's gingerbread houses, obviously."
    "Where were you even hiding that?"
    "Let's just say I have a high butt crack." (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)
  • "Okay, now you say something nice about me."
    "You have pretty…eye?" (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)
  • Kevin's pronunciation of "ouroboros" (Shameless, S07E09)
  • "I do not show love regular. I show by doing. I fix bar. I watch kids. I cook. I give oral. I protect from dangerous Russian. Everything for these two."
    "Kev and Vee, are you hearing Lana?"
    "Yes."
    "What is she saying?"
    "She gives oral." (Shameless, S07E09)
  • William McPoyle-ing (Westworld, S01E09)
  • "If you were to proclaim your humanity to the world, what do you imagine would greet you? A ticker tape parade, perhaps? We humans are alone in this world for a reason. We murdered and butchered anything that challenged our primacy. Do you know what happened to the Neanderthals, Bernard? We ate them. We destroyed and subjugated our world. And when we eventually ran out of creatures to dominate, we built this beautiful place." (Westworld, S01E09)
  • "The piano doesn't murder the player if it doesn't like the music." (Westworld, S01E09)
  • "Never place your trust in us. We're only human. Inevitably, we will disappoint you." (Westworld, S01E09)
  • "So, uhh, should I play some music or something like that? I have, like, a week left on my trial subscription to Tidal…" (Insecure, S01E08)
  • "Sorry for making this about me."
    "Yeah, make it about it's my birthday. It'll be about you if you get hit or have a baby." (Insecure, S01E08)
  • "Damn her pussy fat." (Insecure, S01E08)
  • "Is that why Lawrence hit you?" (Insecure, S01E08)
  • Insecure Season Grade: B-
  • "Never meet your heroes. Marie Callender was a real bitch." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
  • "I know it sounds crazy, but the Caribbean might be more fun than Iowa."
    "In what universe?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
  • "You pantsing Patrick Ewing has nothing to do with this." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
  • "I don't need Monty Hall ruining my place of work when Monty Hall has already ruined my home life." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
  • "BO-O-O-O-NE!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
  • "The council of the cousins."
    "Look at them. It's like a beige of pigs." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
  • "How many Knicks have you pantsed?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
  • "You always smell just a little bit like vanilla."
    "That's my soap. I got it at Lush." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
  • "Ohh, this was a double-edged coin." (New Girl, S06E08)
  • They shot at Costco but couldn't use an actual Costco card as a prop? (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E06)
  • "Oh, dad!"
    "Yes?"
    "Oh, sorry. That's my default way of speaking. I meant 'Ohh, dad…'" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E06)
  • "Mom, you said you'd be out here 10 minutes ago."
    "I'm getting JJ dressed, okay?"
    "JJ's right here."
    "Okay, fine, I was doing a maze." (Speechless, S01E08)
  • "Wow, so your boy got himself a snowflake."
    "Yup."
    "And, he didn't even have to become a professional athlete." (Black-ish, S03E08)
  • "We want it to look like the VIP lounge at American Airlines."
    "I have $62."
    "Fine. Delta Airlines." (Black-ish, S03E08)
  • "So you mean to tell me that you have two John Mayer tickets on you at all times."
    "At all times. They tried to offer me Dave Matthews tickets, but I don't want a woman that white." (Black-ish, S03E08)
  • "A group of Korean women is called a 'raft.'" (Black-ish, S03E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

48. Kelly vs. Evil Ash Puppet (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E08)


Stray Observations

  • "Well, our boyfriend is coming over any minute, and he has a Bowflex!" (Bob's Burgers, S07E05)
  • "Okay, Gene, I have a plan."
    "Great. I have diarrhea." (Bob's Burgers, S07E05)
  • "Oh, God. I think I just bisqued my pants." (Bob's Burgers, S07E05)
  • Pablo! (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E08)
  • "It's just bad and boring, like avocado toast." (Bob's Burgers, S07E06)
  • "Everyone likes stanzas." (Bob's Burgers, S07E06)
  • "Gene, when you said, 'Tina, your play's got the goods,' and you said 'goods' like it had a 'z' at the end, that was just a bunch of crap?"
    "I never should have put that 'z' on the end. That's my biggest regret in all of this mezz."
  • "Don't get your pubes in a tube."
    "I will get my pubes in a tube! We should all get our pubes in a tube!" (Bob's Burgers, S07E06)
  • "I feel like my soul has diarrhea." (Bob's Burgers, S07E06)
  • "But now those birds with perfect bodies / are decapitated hotties." (Bob's Burgers, S07E06)
  • ♫: The Delta Riggs – "No Friends" (Shameless, S07E08)
  • RT: Carl is terrible at throwing darts because he only has one eye. (The Walking Dead, S07E05)
  • "He's a coward. They're more dangerous." (The Walking Dead, S07E05)


(The Walking Dead, S07E05)

  • "I'm a killer. My God, my God…"
    "God has nothing to do with it. You killed her because…I told you to." (Westworld, S01E08)
  • RT: The Man in Black is trying to make his way to the center of a maze, so of course he and Teddy have to fight a man dressed as a minotaur on their way there. (Westworld, S01E08)
  • "There is no threshold that makes us greater than the sum of our parts, no inflection point at which we become fully alive. We can't define consciousness because consciousness does not exist. Humans fancy that there's something special about the way we perceive the world, and yet we live in loops as tight and as closed as the hosts do, seldom questioning our choices, content, for the most part, to be told what to do next. No, my friend, you're not missing anything at all." (Westworld, S01E08)
  • "Jackie Chan is too thirsty." (Insecure, S01E07)
  • "Let's do the nigga rundown." (Insecure, S01E07)
  • Titus doing the #UNameItChallenge (WWE Raw, 11-21-16)
  • RT: Titus sees Enzo's cock, Enzo tells him "no pictures." They're just ribbing the fuck out of Titus at this point. (WWE Raw, 11-21-16)
  • "I'll tell you whose fault it is…"
    "Roman Reigns!" (WWE Raw, 11-21-16)
  • Jericho wearing Sin Cara's mask [and a Nakamura hoodie] (WWE Raw, 11-21-16)
  • "Pretty big night. The three most important men in your life under one roof."
    "Well, Will Shortz isn't here…"
    "Ah. Burn on Holt…probably." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E07)
  • "These knives are a part of me, like that, uhh, scissorhand guy. What is his name again? Is it Rick Snip?" (New Girl, S06E07)
  • Crazyhead Season Grade: C
  • "I grabbed a little guac to help me cool off while Antonio continued to put it in the mitt." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E06)
  • ♫: "Since U Been Gone" (Search Party, S01E03)
  • Damn, Michael Showalter got fat (Search Party, S01E05)


The ending! (Search Party, S01E10)

  • Search Party Season Grade: C+

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

47. Shawshank Redemption Role Play (The Last Man on Earth, S03E06)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations


Heh. (The Simpsons, S28E07)

  • Chet Haze! (Shameless, S07E07)
  • "I just slipped my dick down your throat and you thanked me for it." (The Walking Dead, S07E04)
  • "Vaya con Dios, motherfuckers." (Westworld, S01E07)
  • "You think I'm scared of death? I've done it a million times, and I'm fucking great at it. How many times have you died?" (Westworld, S01E07)
  • "I read a theory once that the human intellect was like peacock feathers – just an extravagant display intended to attract a mate. All of art, literature, a bit of Mozart, William Shakespeare, Michelangelo, and the Empire State Building – just an elaborate mating ritual. Maybe it doesn't matter that we have accomplished so much for the basest of reasons. But, of course, the peacock can barely fly. It lives in the dirt, pecking insects out of the muck, consoling itself with its great beauty. I have come to think of so much of consciousness as a burden, a weight, and we have spared them that. Anxiety, self-loathing, guilt. The hosts are the ones who are free. Free, here, under my control." (Westworld, S01E07)
  • "Kinda feel like masturbating." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E06)
  • "Homely Lonelys – these are plain women who don't have grandkids." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E06)
  • "You still got errands?!" (Insecure, S01E06)
  • "I can't see shit behind this big ass hat." (Insecure, S01E06)
  • Nia Jax (WWE Raw, 11-14-16)
  • "Chince McMahon." (WWE Raw, 11-14-16)
  • "How drunk is he?"
    "Remember the night they cancelled Bunheads?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E06)
  • "Look at me. So drunk, I'm alliterating, like a beatnik." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E06)
  • Holt's obsession with balloon arches (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E06)
  • "Just so we're clear, when you say you're a 7 breathing down a 6's back, are you referring to Cece? Is she the 6?" (New Girl, S06E06)
  • "I used to crush at the gym, and now I'm just mediocre, like early Beyoncé. Nobody will say it, but you know it's true." (New Girl, S06E06)
  • Joe Manganiello (New Girl, S06E06)
  • "All white people want is a sense of a community." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E05)
  • "Who put you up to this? Your white friends? No more white friends! New rule!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E05)
  • "P to the E to the Eabo Bryson." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E05)
  • Channel Zero Season Grade: C+
  • "Are you sure your dad's not gay?"
    "What? Are you insane? My— That's the most ridiculous thing I think I've ever heard. He watches Top Gear." (Crazyhead, S01E05)
  • "Stroke of midnight, on Halloween, she'll act as a gateway. The legions of Hell will pour into this world."
    "Are they really gonna pour out of her twat like on the poster?"
    "No. That was a screw-up by the designer." (Crazyhead, S01E05)
  • "Yeah, now who's the dickhead with a canoe on his car?" (Crazyhead, S01E05)
  • "It was my sanctuary, to relax."
    "Shut up. It's where you hid your side-chicks."
    "Side-chicks are very relaxing." (Black-ish, S03E07)
  • "Why did I think you liked Furbys?" (Rectify, S04E04)
  • Masturbatory ending (Rectify, S04E04)
  • "Did we get cleared to show Jewish butt?" (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E05)
  • "I dreamt that I showed Jewish butt." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E05)
  • "Name one family that's just a bunch of cells."
    "Osmosis Jones." (You're the Worst, S03E12)
  • ♫: Martha – "Ice Cream and Sunscreen" (You're the Worst, S03E12)
  • "It looks like it should be screaming at an old lady in an Aphex Twin video." (You're the Worst, S03E13)
  • You're the Worst Season Grade: C+
  • American Horror Story Season Grade: C+

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


46. Iguana vs. Snakes (Planet Earth II, S02E01)


Honourable Mention

  • Maeve tours Delos' headquarters (Westworld, S01E06)
  • Sam's chaotic morning (Better Things, S01E10)
  • Mark and Chris fight (Shark Tank, S08E08)
  • Walking Dead Chappelle's Show (Saturday Night Live, S42E06)
  • Football Party (Saturday Night Live, S42E06)

Stray Observations

  • "Vermont is nice…"
    "It's beautiful. The cows love dying there." (Bob's Burgers, S07E04)
  • "I'm gonna make like a tree and fuck you!" (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E06)
  • "There's my powerful vagina." (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E06)
  • Who's the Boss? (The Walking Dead, S07E03)
  • ♫: The Jam – "Town Called Malice" (The Walking Dead, S07E03)
  • ♫: Piano "Fake Plastic Trees" by Radiohead (Westworld, S01E06)
  • ♫: Vitamin String Quartet – "Motion Picture Soundtrack" by Radiohead (Westworld, S01E06)
  • "Is she becoming, like, a fuckin'…hentai thing with you now?" (Westworld, S01E06)
  • "If you're getting fucked either way, go with the lucrative version." (Westworld, S01E06)
  • The Gallagher Home for the Homeless interior looks like Sheila's house (Shameless, S07E06)
  • ♫: Dylan Kelly – "Silver Lining" (Shameless, S07E06)
  • Fire sprinkler shower (The Last Man on Earth, S03E05)
  • "Roscoe's got some talent!" (Insecure, S01E05)
  • ♫: Problem – "D2B [feat. Bad Lucc and The Homegirl]" (Insecure, S01E05)
  • "I always thought it was about a girl named Sicario." (Insecure, S01E05)
  • ♫: St. Beauty – "Borders" (Insecure, S01E05)
  • ♫: Wall of Voodoo – "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash (People of Earth, S01E03)
  • "Seriously? It looks like they're pouring out of her lady hole."
    "I thought that was the obvious place. You think it should be her asshole?" (Crazyhead, S01E04)
  • "Gates of hell equals vagina." (Crazyhead, S01E04)
  • "Feelings have to run both ways. Otherwise, it's just like…masturbating into naan bread."
    "Why naan bread?"
    "Had an Indian takeaway last night. Some leftovers. Seemed a shame to waste it." (Crazyhead, S01E04)
  • "You're all terrible people, with the saddest tan lines I've ever seen coming off any Hawaiian flight." (Speechless, S01E06)
  • "All this talk of celibacy and male friendship. Meanwhile, I'm harbouring the nipple king of Lafayette High." (Speechless, S01E06)
  • "Is it a baby? I won't love it Ray, I'm sorry." (Speechless, S01E06)
  • "Jack took one look at what I did for a living and decided to spend the afternoon with a stranger doing maintenance work on the huh-vac."
    "It's H-vac." (Black-ish, S03E06)


(American Horror Story, S06E09)


(Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E04)

  • "Oh, I know…" drop (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E04)
  • "Jon, why do you always say 'I know' to dogs?"
    "I don't know. [dog barks] Right? I know… I don't know… I know… I don't know… I know…" (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E04)
  • "I was ready to unleash my plan and turn this poo frown upside brown." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E04)
  • "You were great on Girls, by the way." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E04)


(Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E04)

  • Furbys (Rectify, S04E03)
  • "Or me, from Family Guy?" (South Park, S20E07)
  • "Miller, Von Miller." (South Park, S20E07)
  • "Ohh, he's pressin' pickle!" (South Park, S20E07)
  • Long unbroken takes (You're the Worst, S03E11)


(Jeopardy!, 11-10-16)

  • ♫: Laurie Anderson – "O Superman" (Better Things, S01E10)
  • Better Things Season Grade: D+
  • "What about undocumented immigrants?"
    "Oh, they're not going nowhere. Come on, man, you act like everybody trying to pick their own strawberries." (Saturday Night Live, S42E06)
  • Inside SNL – heh (Saturday Night Live, S42E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek