Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


25. Pony Play (Desus and Mero, 06-20-18)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations


(Claws, S02E02)

  • ♫: Awkwafina – "My Vag" (Claws, S02E02)
  • "Humans will always choose what they understand over what they do not. But the only animals left in this world are the ones who they subjugated, who curl at their feet, or those who learn to flee at the very sound of their approach. There's nothing in between." (Westworld, S02E09)
  • Joe Pera Talks With You Season Grade: B
  • Brockmire Season Grade: D

» "Well, you should get some desk candies that don't taste like medicine."
"That is my medicine."
"Oh, my god, I am so sorry! I am so sorry I ate all your medicine."
[…]
"Oh, my god…"

"Oh. Uhh, I ate her medicine, and you should probably call a doctor for her." (Detroiters, S02E01)


(Luke Cage, S02E01)


(Luke Cage, S02E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Joe Pera Talks With You

#clipoftheweek


Looking forward:

Sharp Objects = from the writer of Gone Girl
Mostly 4 Millennials = from Eric Andre
Dark Tourist = from the journo behind Tickled
Disenchantment = from Matt Groening
Castle Rock = Stephen King-dom Hearts

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

24. Haller vs. Farouk (Legion, S02E11)

♫: "Behind Blue Eyes" in Farsi


Stray Observations


Stray Observations

  • "What about monsoons?"
    » [WHAT ABOUT MONSOONS?] (Ghosted, S01E10)
  • ♫: HAIM – "The Wire" (Ghosted, S01E10)
  • "Tonight is important night. We are trying to book Milo Yiannopoulos to DJ a baby shower." (Claws, S02E01)
  • ♫: Bryan Ferry – "Slave to Love" (Pose, S01E02)
  • "You talking about dreams? Aspirations? Those are only words that only last in the suburbs." (Pose, S01E02)
  • "What are you?"
    "I'm no one. I want what I'm supposed to want, I wear what I'm supposed to wear, and I work where I'm supposed to work. I stand for nothing. I've never fought in a war, and I probably won't ever have to, 'cause the next one's gonna kill us all. I can buy things I can't afford, which means they're never really mine. I don't live. I don't believe. I accumulate. I'm a brand – a middle-class white guy. But you're who you are even though the price you pay for it is being disinvited from the rest of the world. I'm the one playing dress-up. Is it wrong to want to be with one of the few people in the world who isn't, to have one person in my life who I know is real?" (Pose, S01E02)
  • "Is your driver going uptown?"
    "Yes. Subway's two blocks away." (Pose, S01E02)
  • ♫: Piano "Heart-Shaped Box" (Westworld, S02E08)
  • "My pain was selfish, because it was never only mine. For every body in this place, there was someone who mourned their loss, even if they didn't know why. We were all bound together, the living and the damned." (Westworld, S02E08)
  • "Everybody's probably doing a cool new dance move."
    » [raising the roof] (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E07)
  • "I just wonder what colour underwear I need to wear to get my New Year's wish: a commercial deli slicer." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E07)
  • "Pera's Four Stages of Watching Fireworks" (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E07)
  • "Maybe I'm wrong, but I bet that even Chinese tech billionaire Jack Ma imagines what life would be like if he were Indian tech billionaire Shiv Nadar." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E07)
  • David, Divad, and DVD (Legion, S02E11)
  • ♫: Jeff Russo and Noah Hawley – "Nothin' in the World Can Stop Me Worryin' 'Bout That Girl" (Legion, S02E11)
  • Rape? (Legion, S02E11)
  • Legion Season Grade: C
  • Pictorial schedule (The Handmaid's Tale, S02E09)
  • "Milk, lavender, anise, White Yarrow. What, are we gonna forage into the woods or something?"
    "Hm. There's a place you can go to get all these things."
    "Where is that?"
    » [Whole Foods] (Cloak and Dagger, S01E03)
  • ♫: Alex Da Kid and Joseph Angel – "American Funeral" (Cloak and Dagger, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Joe Pera Talks With You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

23. Beastie Boys – "An Open Letter to NYC" (Succession, S01E01)

Clip of the year?


Honourable Mention

  • Joe Pera discovers "Baby O'Riley" (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • "Please don't do this. It's embarrassing."
    "We do not have the luxury of shame." (Pose S01E01)
  • "Whitney!" (Pose S01E01)
  • "I don't think God rested on the seventh day, Bernard. I think he reveled in his creation knowing that someday it would all be destroyed." (Westworld S02E07)
  • ♫: Beethoven's "Allegretto" (Westworld S02E07)
  • "When the Great Library burned, the first 10,000 years of stories were reduced to ash, but those stories never really perished. They became a new story, the story of the fire itself, of man's urge to take a thing of beauty and strike the match." (Westworld S02E07)
  • ♫: Nicholas Britell's score (Succession S01E01)
  • "[…] Or perhaps your debut album is coming out tomorrow, and you're worried that people will say you're ripping off Bruce Springsteen, but you're nothing like Bruce Springsteen. You're not from New Jersey; you're from Delaware. You make dubstep. You hair's been thinning for years. You're five foot one inch tall. You have no teeth; you're all gums. Your microphone is just an old vacuum cleaner. Your perform on your hands and knees, and you sing about Fashion Week." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E05)
  • "Sorry to get down on dominoes, but it's one of my core beliefs that you shouldn't waste kinetic energy." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E05)
  • "You don't have to be a music teacher to have you breath taken way. There's a lot of nice stuff that can do that, like a really good lightning; great water pressure; when you almost die, but then you survive; the flavour of a pineapple; […] when you open a box and your grief counselor is inside." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E05)
  • Comic Legion (Legion, S02E10)
  • ♫: Radiohead – "True Love Waits" (Legion, S02E10)
  • "Legion, the world killer." (Legion, S02E10)
  • ♫: Lowpass Lushes – "Bout to Do It [feat. First Class]" (The Last O.G., S01E10)
  • The Last O.G. Season Grade: D
  • ♫: Jai Wolf – "Starlight [feat. Mr Gabriel]" (Cloak and Dagger, S01E01)
  • ♫: Blur – "Tender" (Patrick Melrose, S01E05)
  • Patrick Melrose Season Grade: C
  • "What are you doing in there, Barry?"
    "Legally, it's the only place they can't record you when you talk to inmates."
    "I don't think that's true."
    "Really? I got the worst fucking clients." (Arrested Development, S05E05)
  • The Howards (Arrested Development, S05E06)
  • "I will not let that woman steal everything I've taken from her." (Arrested Development, S05E07)
  • "We are the Mexican Romneys!"
    "♫ Mexican Romney Family…" (Arrested Development, S05E07)
  • "I mean, the problem was, like you said, that we couldn't be together without branding each other's taint." (Arrested Development, S05E08)
  • "Should I tell her that my son and my niece were playing Ron and Brian?" (Arrested Development, S05E08)
  • Arrested Development Season Grade: F

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Joe Pera Talks With You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

22. Garage Confrontation (The Americans, S06E10)

The whole scene is too long to excerpt in full.


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Killing Eve Season Grade: B
  • "Oh, the Greeks will take me on. They will. But I'm not a government. I'm just money. Pure money. And I can do whatever I want." (Trust S01E10)
  • Trust Season Grade: C


(Joe Pera Talks With You S01E03)

  • "You're a true showman, Brad, like Tom Bergeron." (Joe Pera Talks With You S01E04)
  • ♫: Nicolas Jaar – "Space Is Only Noise If You Can See" (Legion, S02E09)
  • "Buenas tardes, bitches!" (Legion, S02E09)
  • RT: MCU: Mmmm all our characters are straight but we'll get gay characters eventually. :)
    Fox: Aubrey Plaza is a psychic lesbian demon and she eats ass. (Legion, S02E09)
  • ♫: E-40 – "Choices [Yup]" (The Last O.G., S01E09)
  • McDonald's (The Americans, S06E10)
  • Renee (The Americans, S06E10)
  • The Americans Season Grade: C
  • "♫ Mr. Efe…" (Arrested Development, S05E02)
  • "It's probably just because I'm younger – a puta." (Arrested Development, S05E03)
  • Transparent filming location (Arrested Development, S05E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

21. The Perfect Egg Bite (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E02)


Honourable Mention

  • The Allegory of the Cave (Legion, S02E08)

Stray Observations

  • "'Sup? I'm Mathy Kathy from the mean streets of Fraction Town. Sure, math is tough, but so am I. Listen, kid, sometimes on the streets, stuff doesn't add up. Things can get negative." (Bob's Burgers, S08E20)
  • ♫: "Burobu Theme" (Bob's Burgers, S08E20)
  • "I would marry you on the G train in the summertime when the air conditioning is broken."
    "Damn, really?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E22)
  • "Huh. I have a wife! I finally know how Borat feels." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E22)
  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season Grade: C
  • "Can't you say something to them?"
    "I'm from Hong Kong, asshole." (Westworld, S02E05)
  • Sodegarami (Westworld, S02E05)
  • ♫: Wu-Tang Clan – "C.R.E.A.M." (Westworld, S02E05)
  • ♫: "I Do" (Bob's Burgers, S08E21)
  • Bob's Burgers Season Grade: D
  • Rob Brydon as Richard Nixon (Trust, S01E09)
  • "Are you alive?"
    "I exist in their machine, preserved. Is that alive?" (Legion, S02E08)
  • "Gustavo, you are ruining my cold cut tray." (The Last O.G., S01E08)
  • "You're a whore. Does dad know he married a whore?" (The Americans, S06E09)
  • ♫: APM Music – "New Orleans Funeral" (Brockmire, S02E05)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

20. Ear (Trust, S01E08)


Stray Observations

  • "When Hairy Met Smoothie: Smoothies and Hair Removal." (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • "She was going through something. I'm not allowed to say what, but it rhymes with 'botched shmemorrhoid surgery.'" (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • "Describe him."
    "Good-looking, but not too good-looking, like the Planters Peanut." (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • Mr. Robot (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • "She's heading towards downtown."
    "Where the young professionals are. They love smoothies and hair removal." (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • "That is not easy to look at."
    "It's like something you dance around at Burning Man." (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • "Was it an Asian woman with amazing hair?" (Killing Eve, S01E06)
  • "You live only as long as the last person who remembers you." (Westworld, S02E04)
  • "They said there were two fathers – one above, one below. They lied. There was only ever the devil, and when you look up from the bottom, it was just his reflection laughing back down at you." (Westworld, S02E04)
  • "I am so full of crudité!" (Bob's Burgers, S08E19)
  • "I can't believe my last meal was crudité!" (Bob's Burgers, S08E19)
  • ♫: "Mommies Are the Best" (Bob's Burgers, S08E19)
  • Did he kill an actual lamb? (Trust, S01E08)
  • "I don't want to talk to Gilfoyle. He's a racist and a witch."
    "I'm not a witch." (Silicon Valley, S05E08)
  • "How would you like to die today, motherfucker?" (Silicon Valley, S05E08)
  • "I'll host the fucking brunches!" (Silicon Valley, S05E08)
  • Silicon Valley Season Grade: D
  • "Cut him up into manageable pieces. No one likes lugging around 50 kilos of torso." (Barry, S01E08)
  • "So I burned a CD for this very moment. Apocalypse Now, motherfucker."
    [plays CD]
    "What the fuck is this?"
    "That's 'Flight of the Bumblebee.'" (Barry, S01E08)
  • "So essentially with these men trying to pit two crime organizations against each other, thus reaping the benefits of their demise, much like the Kurosawa movie Yojimbo. I'll open it up to some questions."
    "Michael Leslie, KNX News Radio. Can you spell Yojimbo, please?"
    […]
    "…such films as Rashoman, famous for…"
    […]
    "…K-U-R-O-S-A-W-A. Anything else?"
    "Yes. Was Yojimbo his only film?" (Barry, S01E08)
  • Barry Season Grade: A
  • Black-ish Season Grade: C
  • "Really, just take a small toke. It's not that strong. It's so weak, they call it 'Gun Control in America.'" (New Girl, S07E07)
  • "Or I strap on a spare patch, and Nick marries a sexy fly." (New Girl, S07E07)
  • "Merle said he's not publishing Chicago Hobo, and then a bird pooed on me.
    "What do you mean he won't publish it?"
    "Where's the bird? I'll poo on him." (New Girl, S07E07)
  • Robert Smigel (New Girl, S07E07)
  • "You wouldn't believe how good I am at fitting multiple things into small spaces. I'm a bento box boy!" (New Girl, S07E08)
  • "I tore my anus." (New Girl, S07E08)
  • "I got to say, I really like foot lotion."
    "Thank you."
    "They should make more foot lotion for your hand – foot lotion hand." (New Girl, S07E08)
  • New Girl Season Grade: D
  • "Ask yourself: What's more terrifying: Fear, or the frightened?" (Legion, S02E07)
  • "I've never even heard of it."
    "That's because it's on some designer drug shipment. Brooklyn-exclusive, man, but it's about to be popping everywhere soon."
    "I saw this on Vice. It's real." (The Last O.G., S01E07)
  • "You promised me a brothel, Hiram." (Riverdale, S02E22)
  • Riverdale Season Grade: D
  • Roy Rogers (The Americans, S06E08)
  • "I got something for you."
    [it's food] (The Americans, S06E08)
  • "I'm just glad my sons have my husband's name."
    "Isn't Norm's last name 'Glasscock'?"
    "Yeah… My grandson Harry has a scar where a bully threw a glass dildo at his head. Do you know how hard it is to find a glass dildo in the Ozarks?" (Brockmire, S02E04)
  • "Harlot want a cracker?" (Brockmire, S02E04)
  • ♫: System of a Down – "Chop Suey!" (Saturday Night Live, S43E21)
  • Saturday Night Live Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

19. Speedballing (Patrick Melrose, S01E01)


Honourable Mention

  • Barry and Chris in the car (Barry, S01E07)
  • David watches a mouse sing Bryan Ferry's "Slave to Love" (Legion, S02E06)
  • Marilyn's post-mortem fate (The Americans, S06E07)

Stray Observations

  • "That's impossible!"
    "You know I hate the word 'impossible' unless it's immediately followed by the words 'ghost' and 'protocol.'" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E20)
  • Speed Racer (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E20)
  • "I don't get the internet with my Netscape Blip." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E20)
  • "Oh, my God, they're in a penis punch 69!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E20)
  • ♫: Sitar-driven "Seven Nation Army" (Westworld, S02E03)
  • The Last Man on Earth Season Grade: C
  • "Richard, adversity is a great teacher, just like cigarette burns." (Silicon Valley, S05E07)
  • "Paul, let me show you something. Do you know what a hammer is?"
    "Yes."
    "And do you know what a nail is?"
    "Yes."
    "Well, that, young man, is all you need to know about crucifixion." (Trust, S01E07)
  • "Do you want to know what happened to this poor fellow here? It was perfectly unpleasant." (Trust, S01E07)
  • Subtitles crumbling and collapsing (Trust, S01E07)
  • Rob Delaney (Trust, S01E07)
  • "Recently, our dear friend Ryan Madison was taken away from us too soon. Because of this, all of the proceeds from tonight's show will go towards the fight against violence." (Barry, S01E07)
  • "Alapse, poor pbpbpb. Fuck. Forgot my line." (Barry, S01E07)
  • "So anyway, I'm on the back of a Jet Ski with Cornel West, and he tells me, 'Hey, you're leaning too far to the left.' I said, 'No, you leaning too far to the left."
    "Oh! I see what you did. I see it."
    "Y'all talking about Cornel West?" (New Girl, S07E05)
  • ♫: Noah Hawley and Jeff Russo – "I'd Love to Change the World" (Legion, S02E06)
  • A Clockwork Orange (Legion, S02E06)
  • "In the ancient days, mankind built a tower so high that it threatened to touch Heaven, and God cursed us with foreign language, misunderstanding, and the inability to communicate. But I know what's in the heart of every man, woman and child on this Earth. Gone is the confusion, the division. I am the great uniter." (Legion, S02E06)


(Legion, S02E06)

  • ♫: Noah Hawley and Jeff Russo – "Superman" (Legion, S02E06)
  • Arrow Cheryl (Riverdale, S02E21)
  • "Untie her, you Serpent hag." (Riverdale, S02E21)
  • ♫: grandson – "Blood // Water" (Riverdale, S02E21)
  • "You're a brown Joe Buck."
    "Ha ha ha. No. Joe Buck is a white me." (Brockmire, S02E03)
  • "I also represent some actors. I have four clients on Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta right now." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Is that beer?"
    "[pause] Nah…" (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "I know you sell weed, so you don't care about time."
    "True." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "This school is awful!" (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "When you piss, do you go straight through the zipper or do you go over the boxers?"
    "Over the boxers."
    "Yeah, me too. But is that the right way, though?"
    "I don't think so." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Mr. X?" (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Do you think there's a black lawyer who's as good as your cousin?"
    "There definitely is, but, um, part of being good at your job are your connections, and black people just don't have the connections that my cousin has – for systemic reasons." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Y'all take RushCards?" (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "I see you, man. I see you learning. But learning requires failure. Al just trying to make sure you ain't failing in…in his life. You know, like, y'all both black, so, I mean, y'all both can't afford to fail."
    "Do Nigerians get a chance to fail?"
    "Hey, don't you start that. You know Nigerians don't fail." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • RT: Darius subtly wearing a gold grill to get his passport photo (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Niggas do not care about us, man. Niggas gonna do whatever they gotta do to survive 'cause they ain't got no choice. We ain't got no choice either. You my family, Earn. Yeah, you…you're the only one that knows what I'm about. You give a fuck. I need that." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • ♫: Nina Simone – "I Shall Be Released" (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Listen, man, I got Chinese food with a side of chocolate." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • Atlanta Season Grade: A

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


18. A Kanye Place (Saturday Night Live, S43E19)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Evil sees me as one of them."
    "So, you're like Kane."
    "That's what I was thinking."
    "Kane?"
    "Kane. WWE. He's a wrestler. Half good, half bad. Come on, Brandy, keep up." (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E10)
  • Ash vs. Evil Dead Season Grade: C
  • "Why are you guys dressed like that? You look like you're on Empire."
    "That's what we were going for. Drip drop…" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E19)
  • "Why don't we take this map and this sextant and chart a course to the restaurant?"
    "Title of your sex-tant tape."
    "Ah, did not work at all, but I love that you attempted it. Title of your sex-tant tape." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E19)
  • "We've been at this bachelor party for over an hour, wandering around aimlessly, and we haven't done one bachelor party thing!"
    "Well, Terry, if you'd like, I could share a lewd story. Kevin got me quite horny this morning." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E19)
  • "I don't want fanny granola! I want steaks and whiskey!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E19)
  • "All we have to do is decipher this list of thousands of random numbers."
    "Huh, I wonder if one of them is 6-9?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E19)
  • "Nothing…" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E19)
  • ♫: Vitamin C – "Graduation" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E19)
  • ♫: Piano "Runaway" (Westworld, S02E02)
  • "We have toiled in God's service long enough, so I killed him." (Westworld, S02E02)
  • "You know who loves staring at their own reflection? Everybody." (Westworld, S02E0s)
  • "Richard, you have an enormous heart, and I don't mean in the same way my deceased friend Gloria did, which the doctors should have really caught because her knuckles were gargantuan." (Silicon Valley, S05E06)
  • "Richard, it is important to develop emotional self-discipline for situations like this. Sometimes you have to numb yourself. If you wanna work the corner, you can't fall in love every time you turn a trick. That's why you do the oxy." (Silicon Valley, S05E06)
  • ♫: Piano "Where Is My Mind?" (Black-ish, S04E21)
  • ♫: Two Coldplay ballads (Black-ish, S04E21)
  • LA to Vegas Season Grade: C
  • "Coach, are you mad 'cause he still thinks that the movie should be called Paul Blop: Mall Cop?"
    "It should be. It's so close to rhyming perfectly. They gave up."
    "'Blart' is an actual last name. 'Blop' is a sound effect."
    "I need to get out of this situation before I get very angry." (New Girl, S07E04)
  • ♫: "Cat World" (New Girl, S07E04)
  • "Coach wanted to open up a gym and I wanted to help. Only it wasn't a gym, it was a restaurant: Coach's Jim. J-I-M. It was a Ruth's Chris situation." (New Girl, S07E04)
  • "Why are people taking pictures of the body? Is that a thing?"
    "Yeah. Taking pictures of the casket is the only African-American tradition I really can't get behind."
    "Ugh, that is so ratchet. I'm just gonna go Snapchat the flowers." (The Last O.G., S01E05)
  • RT: Excuse me, but this episode has a character named Elio, and later someone mentions San Junipero. (Riverdale, S02E20)


(Riverdale, S02E20)

  • Mail Robot takes the elevator (The Americans, S06E06)
  • "FUCK!" (The Americans, S06E06)
  • ♫: Tears For Fears – "Ideas As Opiates" (The Americans, S06E06)
  • "Hey, you saw that Dragon Ball Z last night?"
    "Nah, my mom won't let me watch it anymore. Saw the black guy with the red lips and now she says it's racist." (Atlanta, S02E10)
  • "You are a black man in America, and when you meet people, you need to look good. Your clothes are important." (Atlanta, S02E10)
  • Kenan as Takeoff (Saturday Night Live, S43E19)
  • Oran "Juice" Jones – "The Rain" (Saturday Night Live, S43E19)
  • "…Stop until…I feel tears on my titties." (Dear White People, S02E02)
  • "Check out millennial Frederick Douglass calling me 'Carlton.'"
    "Nigga, you dressed like you got a tee time later."
    "Nigga, you dressed like Che Guevara at Fashion Week."
    "What is this, the dozens?"
    "Nobody says that anymore."
    "What are you, 35?" (Dear White People, S02E02)
  • "Trust me. Ass-getting is my minor." (Dear White People, S02E03)
  • "As a white person, what can I do? Do I watch more BET? 'Cause I am down. I love that show." (Dear White People, S02E04)
  • "I fell for a guy who's hot and well-connected and eats the booty like high-end groceries."
    "High-end?"
    "He savours every bite. Hole Foods." (Dear White People, S02E04)
  • "If only I could order you in a Mahershala." (Dear White People, S02E05)
  • "Are you boy-smiling?"
    "What? No."
    "You've been humming 'Weak' all day and SWV is boy-smiling music."
    "I'm not, and black people are always humming 'Weak.'" (Dear White People, S02E05)
  • Tessa Thompson (Dear White People, S02E05)
  • "Trevor, are you a hotep?" (Dear White People, S02E05)
  • "If you're looking for base social commentary, try Andy Borowitz." (Dear White People, S02E06)
  • "Well, why don't you take a page out of the Fallout 4 handbook?"
    "Kill mutants and miss the RPG elements of the previous games?" (Dear White People, S02E06)
  • ♫: Someone – "Forget Forgive" (Dear White People, S02E08)
  • "Stop colonizing quinoa! #QuinWoke" (Dear White People, S02E10)
  • "What if it's just a cult, like hot yoga or New Hampshire?" (Dear White People, S02E10)
  • ♫: Jidenna – "Decibels" (Dear White People, S02E10)
  • The television week begins and ends with Giancarlo Esposito cameos (Westworld, S02E02; Dear White People, S02E10)
  • Dear White People Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

17. "Laffy Taffy" (Atlanta, S02E09)


Honourable Mention

  • Fenway Park gallows (The Handmaid's Tale, S02E01)
  • Paige and Philip sparring (The Americans, S06E05)
  • Gas Mathematics? (Inside the NBA, 04-26-18)

Stray Observations

  • "140 characters is far more than anyone needs to make a point."
    "They actually upped it to 280."
    "Oh, good God…" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E18)
  • "I've started saving $200 a month just by buying John Wick instead of renting it every two nights." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E18)
  • Drone host (Westworld, S02E01)
  • "Even now, you all still talk in code?"
    "Everything is code here." (Westworld, S02E01)
  • "Up next: The conversation every parent dreads: How to talk to your kids about the blockchain." (Silicon Valley, S05E05)
  • "People loved it, including Adrien Grenier."
    "From Devil Wears Prada!" (Silicon Valley, S05E05)
  • "I'm just the parsley around here. Richard is the meat and the potatoes and the rice pilaf." (Silicon Valley, S05E05)
  • "You don't say 'no' to Adrien Grenier's edutainment webseries. You just don't." (Silicon Valley, S05E05)


(Silicon Valley, S05E05)

  • "You didn't kill those Bolivians yet, did you? I really wanna kill them with you." (Barry, S01E05)
  • "This is Ramón." (Barry, S01E05)
  • "If you started a cult, I would leave mine and join yours."
    "Don't leave your cult for me. You love Weight Watchers." (LA to Vegas, S01E14)
  • "Parents, you'll be watching from two-way mirror, which is a generous gift from a family that is too powerful to name. [whispering] It's Tate Donovan." (New Girl, S07E03)
  • "The doctor at the hospital said that Benjamin will have a permanent smile, like The Joker." (New Girl, S07E03)
  • "Do you know what love is? It's a hot bath. What happens to things when you leave them in a bath for too long? Huh? They get soft, fall apart."
    "I read that story collection, the one in your book. At first, I was confused. You know, why is she carrying around this sordid tale of sex clubs and drug addicts and… And then I read this: 'Junkies and masochists and hookers and those who have squandered everything are the ring of brightest angels around heaven.'"
    "It's a war, baby. This life, the things we endure… You said you saw the future, and it's an apocalypse. Who survives that: the lovers or the fighters? They sell us this lie that love's gonna save us. All it does is make us stupid and weak. Look at me. Love isn't gonna save us. It's what we have to save. Pain makes us strong enough to do it. All our scars, our anger, our despair – it's armor. Baby, God loves the sinners best 'cause our fire burns bright, bright, bright. Burn with me." (Legion, S02E04)
  • She's still in Boston? (The Handmaid's Tale, S02E02)
  • Marisa Tomei (The Handmaid's Tale, S02E02)
  • Joe Buck's 2013 World Series final out call (The Handmaid's Tale, S02E02)
  • "What are we gonna do with him now?"
    "Concierge is sending up a power drill." (Riverdale, S02E19)
  • "Which gift basket does she get?"
    "Chantal? Oh, the Jeter. Oh, my God. She earned it."
    "You know, iPads don't grow on trees. Maybe you should consider not giving the Jeter to every woman you bring home?"
    "No, Charles, I'm afraid I can't, because I'm sexually generous in all the ways that one could possibly be. Besides, those Piazza baskets that you designed, Charles, they're confusing, and they're unpopular. There's an element of sadness to them."
    […]
    "There is one Piazza for you right there."
    "A Squatty Potty and olive oil?"
    "He's an Italian catcher. It's so obvious." (Brockmire, S02E01)
  • ♫: Kodak Black – "Patty Cake" (Atlanta, S02E09)
  • "Nigga, are you eating chocolate chips?" (Atlanta, S02E09)
  • "You're, like, one of my two favourite rappers. Yo, you and Post Malone." (Atlanta, S02E09)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

16. "I Want It That Way" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E17)


Honourable Mention

  • Glengarry Glen Ross (Barry, S01E04)
  • Text adventure (Legion, S02E03)

Stray Observations

  • Jay Chandrasekhar (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E16)
  • "You're a muscler, I'm a boner." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E17)
  • "Look, cutting all ties to Deedee and FirstSight will definitely send a strong message to Colin, and it might be the only way, like killing somebody to prove you're not a narc, or showing a john your genitals to prove you're a legitimate male prostitute and not an undercover cop."
    "What?"
    "Because cops aren't allowed to do that, and worst case scenario, the john walks off with a free peek." (Silicon Valley, S05E04)
  • Donald Duck callback (Silicon Valley, S05E04)
  • "Hey! Francine! This crazy man know Judd Hirsch!" (Barry, S01E04)
  • "Can I get one of those with cheese?"
    "Absolutely, Jon Hamm."
    […]
    "Can I take a shit in your house?" (Barry, S01E04)
  • "If that Chicken à la King is not the best piece of poultry you've ever had in your mouth, you can kick me right in the genitals. I mean, where are you going at this time of night anyway? Gonna throw your fedora up on a hat rack? Share a warm beer with your parakeet?" (Barry, S01E04)
  • ♫: Little Richard – "Hurry Sundown" (Trust, S01E04)
  • "Are you seriously streaming ESPN+ right now?" (Black-ish, S04E20)
  • "You may invite your gaggle of Kelseys and Callies and other girls whose names pumpkin when they turn 30." (LA to Vegas, S01E13)
  • "Artem ate all the blankets off the pigs."
    "Now I'm full and you are cold." (LA to Vegas, S01E13)
  • "Try to make it look like a salad."
    "Avocado, honey, oatmeal – where'd you get all this from?"
    "I raided your beauty drawer."
    "My quail eggs!"
    "I also raided your earthquake kit."
    "My preserved quail eggs!" (LA to Vegas, S01E13)
  • "Okay, Bernard, what do you think?"
    "It needs more eye cream." (LA to Vegas, S01E13)
  • "Special thanks to Bernard for allowing this many carbs and saturated fats into his home."
    "Yes, I've always enjoyed eating foods that are given out for free if a team makes free throws." (LA to Vegas, S01E13)
  • "A little room fire? That seems safe."
    "Oh, don't worry, I got this. [sniffs] Oh, I should've known that was whiskey." (New Girl, S07E01)
  • "Keep your eyes out for a cow." (Legion, S02E03)
  • "I lost custody of my kids last time I got arrested."
    "What'd you get arrested for?"
    "Beating my kids." (The Last O.G., S01E03)
  • "Nobody wants somebody famous to look just like them." (Atlanta, S02E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


15. Oh, farts (Andre the Giant, 04-10-18)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "In a garbage bag in the middle of the woods. My horoscope was right." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
  • "See? This is why we're a great team. I have sugar, and you, you know about breathing." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
  • "Ooh, maybe I confessed something fun in my sleep, like I'm really a Russian agent, like, like Felicity." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
  • "He let me stay on his couch when Anna Kournikova and I broke up."
    [scoffs] "Well, I mean, she never won a major, so…" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
  • Will Shortz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
  • "So, it would seem that we have become frenemies. Do you know what that means?"
    "Are you trying to imply that I'm too old to understand a portmanteau? I am not, but I am too dignified to use one, friend-enemy." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
  • Mike (The Last Man on Earth, S04E14)
  • "You'd tell me if you harboured nativist feelings, wouldn't you?" (Silicon Valley, S05E03)
  • "Consommé!" (Barry, S01E03)
  • "I hear that TNA is hiring." (WWE Raw, 04-09-18)
  • "I do not want another lizard situation." // "What is your purpose?!" (Black-ish, S04E19)
  • "How do we know that one of these dogs isn't just gonna snap on somebody?"
    "Oh, Duke would never snap at anybody. Would you, David Duke?" (Black-ish, S04E19)
  • "Sorry, no speak English." (WWE SmackDown LIVE, 04-10-18)
  • "What is that?"
    "A Bakersfield mimosa. Sparkling wine and orange Jell-O mix." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "What's a Jayden?" (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "Wow, it is rough out here. No one will even look at us."
    "I know. Is this what it feels like to be a seven? Answer me, Ronnie." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "I'll make Bakersfield Marys. It's just vodka and ketchup." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "You guys look like I feel. Well, not you, Bernard. You're always a stunner." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "Also, from my time as a roadie for The Huh?, a Who cover band. (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "Where'd your shin go, man?!" (New Girl, S07E01)
  • "This party is a disaster. Our guests have no questions for the panel." (New Girl, S07E01)
  • "Try playing musical chairs with no music! It's just chairs!" (New Girl, S07E01)
  • "Cake beats mail." (New Girl, S07E01)
  • Guest starring Brian Huskey as Merle Streep (New Girl, S07E01)
  • Directed by Ana Lily Amirpour (Legion, S02E02)
  • Juniper (The Last O.G., S01E02)
  • Malik Yoba (The Last O.G., S01E02)
  • "Things are changing back home, opening up. And it's not just politics, it's, it's the young people, it's music, it's, it's different. I mean, they're talking about opening a Pizza Hut in Moscow. You see the papers."
    "What, the Washington Post?" (The Americans, S06E03)
  • "I got an IUD to block them K-I-Ds." (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • "First of all, my breasts are already on Tumblr." (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • "This pizza has to go inside him." (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • "Mm-mm. Chew." (Atlanta, S02E07)


(Atlanta, S02E07)

  • "Drake's nutritionist is my cousin." (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • Bostrom's simulation argument (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • "It's all fake. There's no Drake. So don't ruin your high and just enjoy yourself." (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • Walking home in Puma slides (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • "Drake's Mexican!" (Atlanta, S02E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

14. Obamacare (Legends of Tomorrow, S03E17)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "This is not the time for stories about your digital squash, Peralta." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E14)
  • "I can't believe you thought I was the dumb cop. I mean, I've watched Planet Earth – with the British narrator!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E14)
  • Counterpart Season Grade: C
  • "Your lower back hair is catching the light in the most beautiful way. It's like I'm seeing it for the first time."
    "Must be some residual push sweat. I don't know if you heard, but I just took a pretty aggressive dump."
    "I did hear." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E13)
  • "Look at the last guy to create a new internet: Al Gore. His ideas were excellent, but he talked like a narcoleptic plantation owner, so he lost the presidency to a fake cowboy and now he makes apocalypse porn. Look, the point is, you need to lead with passion. When you set your mind to it, you're one of the most charismatic people I've ever met, and I have met Ira Glass." (Silicon Valley, S05E02)
  • "Now I wish I could say that this was the first time that one of my students was gunned down in the street, but it's not, and as much as it pains me to say it, it is most likely not the last." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "Brought to you by wolf attacking a horse." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "I'd love to play a priest that's molesting little boys." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "Siri, what is 'off-book'?" (Barry, S01E02)
  • "I thought this was, like, supposed to be funny."
    "A man molesting children?"
    "Yeah, like how Family Guy is funny." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "Are you doing Doubt? Oh, let's not do Doubt." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "Webster's Dictionary defines 'death' as 'a permanent cessation of all vital functions.' It defines 'remember' as 'to bring to mind or think of again.' So, even though Ryan's vital functions have ceased, if we think of him, he will always be with us." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "He could be a legacy kid at my Zamunda."
    "You mean, the fake country that Eddie Murphy left when he wanted to go work at McDowell's?"
    "You watched it?"
    "No, I, I read about it on Wikipedia. You know I can't watch Eriq La Salle!" (Black-ish, S04E18)
  • "You can pick one of three reasons to break up with me: I'm too jealous, I'm too clingy, or I didn't laugh enough at Rick and Morty." (LA to Vegas, S01E11)
  • "The force of the bolt exiting her body blew off her big toe." (The Mick, S02E20)
  • The Mick Season Grade: C
  • Waffle boat (Legion, S02E01)
  • "Wait, were there women with mustaches singing?" (Legion, S02E01)
  • "So I'm supposed to find the Shadow King from inside a daiquiri?" (Legion, S02E01)
  • Legion Cast – "White Rabbit" (Legion, S02E01)
  • Gay little niggas (The Last O.G., S01E01)
  • "Why everything with you gotta be about dick?"
    "What?! The phallus is the number one piece of universal comedy gold. Everybody love a good dick joke. You know it's like Tom, Dick, and Harry. You heard about that, right? Nobody gives a shit about Harry. Everybody wanna know who Dick is." (The Last O.G., S01E01)
  • "You don't want your rectum turned into a parking garage, man." (The Last O.G., S01E01)
  • "What are you doing?
    "What Prometheus did."
    "Whore-crotching."
    "Horcruxing." (The Magicians, S03E13)
  • The Magicians Season Grade: C
  • Donald Glover as Teddy Perkins (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "Oh, I don't have a butler. I just use this to remember things. 'Finish that hat for Dionne Warwick. Wash your hands, immediately.'" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "I have Fiji, and Evian. I'll mix it with some Poland Springs. Maybe a Voss?" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "And let me get a 5 Cheese Krystal combo, no fries."
    "It's cheaper with fries."
    "No fries."
    "That's rich nigga shit, man!" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "Look, man, if I leave, I'll regret it, and I got a two regret life limit pact. Somebody gotta take me out if I go over two." (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "The nigga look like somebody left Sammy Sosa in the dryer." (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "'Sammy Sosa hat.'" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "Yo, why this nigga the same color as his fuckin' hat?"
    "Yeah, man, this nigga looks like a white man's penis."
    "Yo, man, why this nigga look like what's under a scab, though?" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "Feel free to Twitter or Blogspot any of it." (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "I want this wing of the museum to be dedicated to great fathers: My father, Joe Jackson, Marvin Gay Sr., Tiger Woods' father, Serena Williams' father, the father that drops off Emilio Estevez in The Breakfast Club…" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • Darius' phone background (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "You know, not all great things come from great pain. Sometimes it's love. Not everything's a sacrifice." (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • ♫ Stevie Wonder – "Evil" (Atlanta, S02E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

13. The Baby Boss (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E05)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "That's lip gloss? I thought you'd always just finished eating rotisserie chicken." (Bob's Burgers, S08E11)
  • Hitchcock shaving a burger (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E13)
  • "Famous kids are monsters. You do not wanna meet Young Sheldon." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E13)
  • "Karl, we send you our thoughts and prayers as you hurtle, screaming, on your terrifying journey to Hell. Heck, you're probably chewing on Bill Cosby's gallbladder right now, washing it down with a warm cup of diarrhea." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E12)
  • "Señor Clean" (The Last Man on Earth, S04E12)


(Trust, S01E01)


(Trust, S01E01)

  • "You're gonna look like Richard Gere from Pretty Woman. Maybe tonight you'll fall for a radiant sex worker." (Silicon Valley, S05E01)
  • "We never had pizza 'cause my stepmom said Italians aren't real white people." (Silicon Valley, S05E01)
  • Magnolia (Barry, S01E01)
  • "K-PAX." (Barry, S01E01)
  • "I mean, do you think Meryl Streep and Kaley Cuoco became stars just because they're the best?" (Barry, S01E01)
  • "Delta Burke is a lot of work!" (Barry, S01E01)
  • Chopped (Black-ish, S04E17)
  • "You just don't throw together an avant-garde Bible-themed 'Fashion of the Christ' costume party. Speaking of which, what's the costume?"
    "Well, I was thinking of being a sexy Rachel from Laban, Genesis 29:16. It's a deep cut."
    "No deep cuts! Stick to the hits." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "Are you tired of the same old restaurant experience? Then do what I do, and head down to Broth, Vegas' finest new eatery, where everything's soup, including you, because the dining room's a Jacuzzi." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "The best revenge is an act of social media." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "The party's tonight? But it's my bowling championship. You promised that if I advanced, you would come."
    "Well, you advanced and hopefully I will." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "We were nervous to tell you, for obvious reasons, because he's so, so old."
    […]
    "We were nervous about telling you, for obvious reasons, because she's so, so old." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "So, Dave, tell me, what made you decide to become a pilot?"
    "Well, Patricia, it all started when I first read the story of Icarus, who flew so close to the sun with no repercussions." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "Oh, God, I am gonna tell you what you told me when I tried singing Dreamgirls in the shower: You have to stop." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "I don't wanna be Mexican!" (The Mick, S02E19)
  • "Oh, these cabins look so rustic. Kinda makes you realize how cosmopolitan Bakersfield is." (Baskets, S03E10)
  • Baskets Season Grade: B
  • Grown-ish Season Grade: C
  • Lenny and Carl (Riverdale, S02E17)
  • "Wait, Kevin, can you lead us to this secret gay hook-up tunnel?" (Riverdale, S02E17)


(Riverdale, S02E17)

  • ♫ Ann Marr – "Bullet" (Riverdale, S02E17)
  • "Cheryl, Toni, there are a bunch of nuns coming. We have to go." (Riverdale, S02E17)
  • Diegetic "previously on" (The Magicians, S03E12)
  • "I come bearing gifts."
    "This is, like, 80% taco supplies."
    "I'm sorry, do they not have Tuesdays in Fillory?" (The Magicians, S03E12)
  • "I will say what I wish my father had said to me: I'm so happy you're dating a bear." (The Magicians, S03E12)
  • "Giving people shit is easy. Taking it away is almost impossible. Like Obamacare. Or herpes." (The Magicians, S03E12)
  • ♫ Peter Gabriel – "We Do What We're Told (Milgram's 37)" (The Americans, S06E01)
  • "Key and Peele put a movie out with a cat in it, they put the cat on the poster. They dressed the cat up like a nigga instead of putting two niggas that made the movie on the poster."
    "So was it a cat in a suit or just looked like a nigga?"
    "It was, you know, you know a cat, what a, what a nigga cat look like!" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Raindrops peach emoji?" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Toothpick? 50 cent." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Yeah, he had queef engine or something like that, and his carburetor had jaundice." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Hey, you like Zaxby's?"
    "Nigga, don't be rude. Of course I love Zaxby's." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Nigga, three? You better pick up five. Use your back too, bitch." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Well, do it then, beige lady!" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "You think I work hard at these three jobs so you can walk around town with your little nigglet friends skipping school all day? I work hard, man. But y'all think y'all grown, don't it? Huh? Well, since y'all grown, please tell me you put up the street team posters I gave you today." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "We ain't gonna never get this $35 now." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Come inspire the youth!" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "I got a fire mixtape. I'm like Lonzo Ball." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Don't tell your mama? Well, I'm calling her right now. She gotta know."
    "Do you have minutes?" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Son, could you not jack off with my good lotion?"
    "Oh, really? Right in front of Paper Boi?" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Anybody else pee a little bit when we had that wreck? Just me? Hey, sorry about the hit-and-run thing, but you know I can't go back to jail, baby. I just can't do it. I don't weigh enough. You know, I'll be somebody girlfriend immediately in jail. I don't fuck with no jails. Just passing by the Atlanta pen make my boy hymen hurt." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "You ruined my whole goddamn day."
    "Ruined?! Nigga, we had a good day today! I took you to mentor to some kids. You're welcome. And then we, we ate at that white lady house. And then we hit that Asian lady from the back, you know what I'm talking about…" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • Thundercat and Flying Lotus composed an original score for the episode (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • Babylon Berlin Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek


Looking forward:

I can't do another season of Archer.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


12. The Ultimate Deletion (WWE Raw, 03-19-18)


Stray Observations

  • "Over one weekend, there was a kiln fire. Sprinklers put it out, but it was a huge smoky mess."
    "Like Winston Churchill." (Bob's Burgers, S08E10)
  • Possessed shin (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E04)
  • "Ah, yes, the first pubic war, the sexiest of all wars." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "Okay, so we've secured Captain Holt's husband. Let's discuss how to proceed."
    "So what you're saying is, we need to talk about Kevin."
    [boos]
    "I have no regrets!"
    "Kevin is currently at the safe house with Captain Holt."
    "How long will he have to stay there?"
    "My friend in the organized crime division says they've been building a case against Seamus Murphy for years, and they're close. They think they'll move on him in the next month or two."
    "So you're saying, Kevin can wait?"
    [boos]
    "You know what, you people are insane! That was gold!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "I feel like Ellen watching her producers go through a haunted house." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "Okay, I've got three words. I've got an 'and,' I've got an 'an' and a 'he.' Now, the 'he' could be a part of a 'the' or the end of 'Apache.'" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "I'm not abandoning my husband. I love him."
    "Yeah, I love him too. Everybody loves Raymond."
    "Don't."
    "I think that's pretty funny!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "I was lying about the back-up! I came alone! Title of my sex tape." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "Better get some corticosteroids to treat that laryngeal fracture." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "There was a movie about a mandolin, and you kept it from me for two months?!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "Barf quieter, bud!"
    "You're no barf church mouse, either, bud." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E11)
  • "This is not the time to argue, okay? 'Cause right now, we are like the cast of the Jersey Shore, 'cause we got a The Situation." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E11)
  • "Maine has beaches! They just have more rocks and family secrets." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E19)
  • Fresh Off the Boat Season Grade: C
  • "Every black man has a friend named 'Cool Breeze.'" (Black-ish, S04E16)
  • "Is that supposed to be sushi?"
    "May I present to you freshly-caught Swedish Fish on Rice Krispy Treats. I call it the 'Hudson News Roll.' I know how much you like crap."
    "I love crap!" (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
  • "What did you just call me?"
    "Nothing. …Trash humper."
    "That's slander! I don't do that with trash!"
    "Oh, no? Then what are you doing with that can of Pringles?"
    "Oh, I'm using this as my wallet." (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
  • "They also said that Liam Neeson is aging into an old woman."
    "…saying that Samoa is barely a Guam." (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
  • "Oh. I do have a fetish." (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
  • "Send help! I'm mostly nude in the back of a cop car about to drown with a young boy!" (The Mick, S02E18)
  • "Happy birthday to you…"
    "I've always loved that song." (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "I've been trying to practice my empathy lately, and my empathy tells me that we should throw a party for Martha or she's gonna try to kill herself." (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "It's a great opportunity for me to debut Dill Pickles."
    "Who's that?"
    "He's my character that I told you about."
    "Why not Bread and Butter Pickles? [chuckles] They're so tasty. Have you ever had 'em?" (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "Now, when you think about dinner in Bakersfield, you gotta think about Basque restaurants." (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "Martha, you look so nervous. Why is that? Is it because of all the Basques?" (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "Martha! Get back over here! They have cow tongue! I don't want it, but I want to see someone eat it!" (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "I'm 50 now. I can't keep acting like I'm 39." (Baskets, S03E09)
  • Andy Cohen (Riverdale, S02E16)
  • "My friend's boyfriend plays basketball. They're playing you guys. She took me to a game. I got super into it."
    "Yeah, totally. Kobe Bryant, the Spalding company, two points per basket, love it all." (Speechless, S02E18)
  • Speechless Season Grade: C
  • Pauly Shore (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • "Why don't you just go to the old lady's apartment and take inventory of her stuff?"
    "By myself? What if there's a ghost?"
    "I don't know. Befriend it and write a sequel to Ghost Dad, dude."
    "I haven't seen the first one."
    "…You don't have to." (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • "She has pictures of her favourite celebrities up on her wall just like I do. That right there is Clark Gable, A.K.A. the Sacha Baron Cohen of her generation.
    Just out of curiosity, what do you think 'A.K.A.' stands for?
    "Also kinda alike?"
    "…Okay, not bad." (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • "As a friend, I'm letting you know that burlesque is the lowest form of art possible. Literally, it's the last failure a woman can have is burlesque, after acting, then yoga, then burlesque. That's it." (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • "She once spent three days on a riverboat casino eating nothing but lobsters and champagne before people found out she wasn't really a magician." (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • "It takes people years to get to where I am and all I had to do was show that manager that I was serious, laser-focused, and that she could never, ever, ever escape me."
    "Okay, so you're like the lower back tattoo of the service industry." (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • Alone Together Season Grade: C
  • "Fine, but I will freely admit I was getting excited at the idea of a Josh-Julia solo adventure."
    "Sorry."
    "Yeah, what would the shippers even call us? Josh? Julia? See, you couldn't even tell that I swapped the first letters." (The Magicians, S03E11)
  • The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story Season Grade: C
  • "This is gonna sound like a high question, but it's not. Are black women considered brunettes?" (Atlanta, S02E04)
  • A woman approaches Earn and praises what she initially assumes is very convincing blackface (Atlanta, S02E04)


(Atlanta, S02E04)


(Atlanta, S02E04)

  • "Do you believe that love can die?"
    "Sure, everything dies. But at least you lived through it." (Atlanta, S02E04)
  • Tessa Thompson (Portlandia, S08E10)
  • Portlandia Season Grade: D

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


11. Undercover Office Potty (Saturday Night Live, S43E16)


Honourable Mention

  • Shane McMahon Grape Lady-ing (WWE SmackDown Live, 03-13-18)
  • Baskets Career College commercial (Baskets, S03E08)
  • Country lawyer Sam Hill commercial (Baskets, S03E08)
  • Halloween store commercial (Baskets, S03E08)
  • lilysmom_11 (Atlanta, S02E03)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts – "Crimson and Clover" (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E03)


(WWE Raw, 03-13-18)

  • "Eddie RZA" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E18)
  • "Yin and Yang. Your opposite energies balance each other out. The black is Yin, slow and yielding, like you, Louis, always thinking before you act. The white is Yang, focused and active, like you, Jessica, jumping into action before thinking it through. Your two energies complement each other, achieving perfect balance. It's the reason Tommy Boy didn't work. Too much white. No balance." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E18)
  • "The mermaid's name is Seayoncé." (LA to Vegas, S01E08)
  • "I'm gonna hold on to your food TV." (LA to Vegas, S01E08)
  • "Do I look like I want to try some bulgogi?" (Black-ish, S04E14)
  • The Sunken Place (Black-ish, S04E14)
  • "Don't you worry about your only grandmother. She hasn't shown you all the tricks up her sleeve."
    "It's punching. The trick up her sleeve is punching." (Black-ish, S04E14)
  • "Innovators don't need to match their athletic gear." (Black-ish, S04E15)
  • "As long as they don't eat off of strangers' plates and mix athletic brands, all right? I cannot have them looking like Eastern Europeans." (Black-ish, S04E15)
  • ♫: Dr. John – "Iko Iko" (The Mick, S02E17)


(The Mick, S02E17)

  • Christine's bangs (Baskets, S03E08)
  • "I Am Woman, It's My Store" (Baskets, S03E08)
  • "One of them went viral."
    "Oh…"
    "Yeah. Here it is. Two hits?!" (Baskets, S03E08)
  • "I know what I'm doing! I used to date a videographer!" (Baskets, S03E08)
  • Pop-up skeleton Santa (Baskets, S03E08)
  • "No one wants an 'I Am Not Your Negroni.'" (Grown-ish, S01E11)
  • "You need the right slogan, like ours: 'Black Dorms Should Matter.' We're trending on Twitter right now. #BDSM. You might've seen it."
    [pause]
    "That may not be us." (Grown-ish, S01E11)
  • "I wrote it for my high school ska band, the Ska-nold Trumpets. That was before ska and Donald Trump got super embarrassing and were only, like, kind of embarrassing." (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "Why are you dancing like that? It's like you're trying to escape your lack of rhythm, but you just can't do it." (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "Ain't nothin' better than a curly spice / On straight fries would be erreally nice." (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "You're lucky the first rule of ska is 'always have an extra set of suspenders.'" (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "I'm putting my foot down."
    "You wear a size four. Putting your foot down, what does that accomplish?" (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "You want to hear some ska poetry? Reel Big Fish. 'I'm giving up because I know everything sucks.'" (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "I'm such an idiot for thinking I could revive ska music. Probably just got to wait until gas prices go down and then seven-person bands can tour again." (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "Well, I'm a tough critic. I almost didn't like The Emoji Movie." (Speechless, S02E17)
  • "You can't go to America and start from nothing. That's the lie." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E08)
  • "Hallmark invented Valentine's Day, Walmart invented the Fourth of July, and Arbor Day, as we all know, was invented by Carl's Jr." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "2000 years ago, Jesus Christ was crucified, and now every Easter, people buy millions of dollars worth of chocolate bunnies." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "America is a corporation / And I hate my supportive parents / North Korea is better than America / And I can't pay my student loans." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "I'll never forget where I was when I found out. I was eating a bacon, egg, and cheese croissant in my car. I was so upset, I couldn't even finish it."
    "Hm."
    "I lied. I totally finished it. But I felt bad. I think the mayo was expired." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "Oh, no, he tried to talk to me earlier, but I was—"
    "Premeditating a swan murder." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "What's your name again?"
    "Jake."
    "Cake."
    "Um…"
    "You want to sit at the big table, don't you, Cake?" (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "I'd rather be miserable at my job and be able to afford a one-bedroom apartment than follow my dreams and live in a studio apartment." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • Corporate Season Grade: C
  • Channel Zero: Butcher's Block Season Grade: D
  • "Hennessy plus the herb, plus the herb, herb, herb / Yo, I just bought a dinosaur like Nicolas Cage." (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "Dude, if it crashes again, I'm gonna crash my foot in your ass." (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "56 Nights" (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "You want to go slap some butts?"
    "Nah, but I'll watch." (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "You really want to wear all white to a strip club, nigga?" (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "Money is an idea, man. Look, there's a reason that a white dude dressed just like you can walk into a bank and get a loan, and you can't even spend a $100 bill, man. I mean, you need to start acting like you're better than other niggas, and then they'll start treating you better than other niggas."
    "Yeah, 'cause otherwise, you're just another nigga." (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "It's Michael Vick." (Atlanta, S02E03)


A computer-generated smart speaker? (Portlandia, S08E09)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

10. Sperm Bank Demon Fight (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E02)


Honourable Mention

  • Cash Preservation Society (Portlandia, S08E08)
  • Shrek (Saturday Night Live, S43E15)

Stray Observations

  • "The only part of a roast that I like is when you say the nice parts at the end. Maybe I'll just do that."
    "I didn't know I was having brunch with Michael Landon." (Crashing, S02E08)
  • Crashing Season Grade: C
  • ♫: Brockhampton – "Boogie"! (The Mick, S02E16)
  • "Good insights, gentlemen. And that is what it's like to be a woman in today's business world." (Baskets, S03E07)
  • Writing a Greg Berlanti film into a Greg Berlanti television programme (Riverdale, S02E14)
  • "I saw on her Snapchat that she goes to a lot of jam band concerts, so… She likes 11-minute songs! I figure…I'm not as bad as that…" (Alone Together, S01E08)
  • "You use our Netflix so much that all our suggestions are aimed at you. I don't want to watch Broadchurch, Kenneth."
    "Well, you got to give it a chance! It gets really good after the seventh episode!" (Speechless, S02E15)
  • "I always wondered what kind of freaks lived in the apartments above outdoor malls." (Corporate, S01E09)
  • "I can't sell a clever Filipino – even one with a big dick." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E07)
  • "Let's discuss your wants – and my terms." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E07)


(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E05)

  • "Why you gotta lock in a child?!" (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "My name is Peter Savage, but everyone here calls me '35 Savage,' because I'm 35."
    "We're gonna call you '36 Savage' soon." (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "Long live fresh…nigga." (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • Bobby Shmurda (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "Where my real niggas at?" (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "I'm the Prince of Tides, nigga." (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "Man, don't get me wrong, it's a funny show, but the way they dive into depression, and especially after what he did to her daughter, I was like, 'Can I even feel bad for this horse anymore?'" (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "They got a no chase policy." (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • ♫: Flying Lotus – "Coronus, The Terminator" (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • The feminist bookstore ladies meet the Oh, Hello guys (Portlandia, S08E08)
  • Top Chef: Colorado Season Grade: C
  • "Well, sketch comedy is great, but at some point, you have to move on, you know?" (Saturday Night Live, S43E15)
  • "What's the main difference between rock and rap?"
    "Uhh, usually skin colour." (Saturday Night Live, S43E15)
  • "Overkill took an Uber." (The Tick, S01E08)
  • "I don't think my life's worth not killing anymore." (The Tick, S01E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

9. The Winds of Winner's (Atlanta, S02E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations


(Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E01)

  • "Prince's best work in years. But you do know he's no longer alive over there, right? Now what do you think would happen if this fucking album were to find its way across?"
    "Ian, please."
    "We are tasked with safeguarding the most important fucking secret in the history of mankind." (Counterpart, S01E06)
  • "We're supposed to suck NACA's dick, that's why we came here! You came here to suck NACA's dick, suck NACA's dick!" (Crashing, S02E07)
  • Shark Tank Season Grade: C
  • "'KOKOMO IS IT REAL.' Do we really want a principal who's daydreaming about some fake paradise in the Florida Keys?"
    "Well, why are the other ones real? Aruba, Jamaica…" (A.P. Bio, S01E02)
  • "Koo Koo Roo got ya, huh?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E17)
  • "He was laughing at a [Suddenly] Susan joke when he passed." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E17)
  • "I want to visit you at Stanford, not Georgia Tech." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E17)
  • "Did you say Artem is a dentist?"
    "Yeah, pediatric dentist. Here's my card. Oh, the doll's head is there so you remember I'm good with kids." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "Captain Steve is on the flight, and he's very bitter, and not adorably bitter like a late-in-life Lena Horne, scary bitter like a late-in-life Bette Davis."
    "Love a reference from this century once in a while."
    "Hamilton." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "If you find yourself in Vegas on a Friday night, why not celebrate the Sabbath the way Captain Dave does? Praying the night away at Temple Beth Vegas, where you'll find the best all-you-can-eat Oneg, and the loosest slots this side of Haifa." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "This Discman only plays Seger." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "And here you stand, Bernard, forsaken and alone, like a young Hedy Lamarr's Joan of Arc, with no around to tell you they don't get that reference." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "I've been dreaming about kicking your ass for a long time, Dave."
    "Well, that's not gonna happen, so keep dreaming, Pam Ewing!"
    "Huh?"
    "From Dallas. All of season nine was Pam Ewing's dream. You never watched Dallas?"
    "I believe it's pronounced 'die-yes.'" (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "You're acting like children."
    "Show me one child with a mustache like this. Foreigners don't count." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "Oh! Tiny burgers!" (Baskets, S03E06)
  • "Don't thank me, thank Arby."
    "I do every day." (Baskets, S03E06)
  • "I've died and gone to Arizona State." (Grown-ish, S01E09)
  • "What the hell do you bribe dead people with? Is there money here?"
    […]
    "And what about the White Walkers?"
    "Oh, the White Walkers. Yeah, I mean, those guys are bad news. You know, but then the British-sounding dude came and, you know, kicked their asses." (The Magicians, S03E08)
  • "What a volatile mix you are. Too lazy to work and too proud to be kept." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E06)
  • "Being smart is useless unless it's in the service of something." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E06)
  • "This world has wasted me." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E06)
  • "This show is creating a false sense of camaraderie, like when a celebrity dies." (Corporate, S01E08)
  • "I'm just trying to cope through a year in Toledo with its miserable excuse for espresso."
    "Put your hand down. Next words I hear out of you better be in a British accent.
    "The bookstore at the mall has good espresso, m'lord." (A.P. Bio, S01E03)
  • "Oh, the ram's name is Pam? All rams are male."
    "Pam's a trans ram." (A.P. Bio, S01E03)
  • "Never talk about grades. No one cares. They have no impact on life." (A.P. Bio, S01E03)
  • "You wanna try one of these sliders, bro?"
    "Yeah, yeah."
    "Have a seat. Be careful. It's very, very cold." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • ♫: Death Grips – "Hot Head" (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Florida Man is responsible for a large percentage of abnormal incidents that occur in Florida. Think of him as an alt-right Johnny Appleseed. No one knows his true identity, date of birth, what he looks like. That's why headlines always say, 'Florida Man.' […] Him, the state government, fuckin' cahoots."
    "Why would anyone even do that?"
    "To prevent black people from coming to and/or registering to vote in Florida, Earn." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "What flavour is a Flamin' Hot Cheeto?"
    "Hot."
    "I am tasting hot." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Hold on, let me put you on speaker."
    "Nigga, take me off speaker." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "What is you doing here?"
    "Yeah, Al sent me."
    "He too good to come see me now on his own? He DMX now?" (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Hey, I would say 'nice to meet you,' but I don't believe in time as a concept, so I'll just say 'we always met.'" (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Ma'am, do you live here?"
    "No, she don't live here. I'm fuckin' the bitch." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "You don't have an alligator."
    "Yes, he do!"
    "He do got an alligator!"
    "That's the alligator man!"
    "Them children ain't lying to you. I'm the alligator man. Okay? So now, just leave me alone, won't be no gator." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "All I know is I ain't gotta do shit 'cause I ain't done shit." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "This nigga got a full-grown caiman in here surrounded by chicken carcasses. Shit like an Azealia Banks Snapchat." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Nigga, I'm not crazy. I'm not Florida Man." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • ♫: Curtis Mayfield – "When Seasons Change" (Atlanta, S02E01)


(Babylon Berlin, S01E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


7. Kevin Garnett Met Some Contortionists And It Was Great TV (Area 21, 02-13-18)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • McMafia Season Grade: B
  • "It's the only candy based on medical equipment." (Crashing, S02E05)
  • ♫: Eleni Mandell – "Girls" (Crashing, S02E05)
  • "Consider this the black signal." (Black Lightning, S01E05)
  • "Hello, Popeyes? Could I get 18 buckets of shrimp?" (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "I gotta get these French clowns. Hey, are you guys French clowns? I guess not." (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "He said to get here A-S-A-P. Those are his words, not mine. I wouldn't say that. I say 'ASAP.'" (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "I'm kinda going for a Pagliacci-type thing mixed in with a San Joaquin Valley earthiness." (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "There is lobster and crudité in the VIP room and vegan food for those with special problems." (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "Everybody who has a Costco card is gonna get a free pair of Kirkland jeans!" (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "So that's how I got this job. How did she find you?"
    "Oh. Between her legs. I'm her son." (Baskets, S03E04)


(Grown-ish, S01E08)

  • "Bruno Mars is here, and he wants a PB&J. Can you make it in the kitchen and bring it to my office?"
    "Yeah."
    "Amazing. Oh, and by the way, cut off the crusts. I legitimately can't tell how old he is." (Grown-ish, S01E08)
  • "What did you do?"
    "I told Janelle [Monáe] that her last album was a brick, said that she sucked ass in Moonlight, and because grain alcohol should not be legal, I told her to shut her dick trap forever."
    "Mm. All those things, huh?"
    "And then I tweeted a comment that, in hindsight, feels aggressively sus."
    "What did you say?"
    "'Black or white, bitch? Pick a side.'"
    "Whoa! That's…"
    "I was just talking about her choice in fashion. You know, like the tuxedos and the monochrome look."
    "What did you do?"
    "Um, I followed it up with a black middle finger emoji and then a white middle finger emoji."
    "Right, right, 'cause that would be the next logical step, right?" (Grown-ish, S01E08)
  • "What made you stop believing in God?"
    "YouTube comments."
    "Who are the 90% of people who still believe in God?"
    "Professional athletes. They're rich, hot, and their bodies haven't betrayed them yet. Their lives are amazing. Why wouldn't they believe in God?" (Corporate, S01E06)
  • "Hello, Mr. Devil."
    "It's pronounced 'Dev-ill.' But please, call me 'Christian.'" (Corporate, S01E06)
  • "I was going to leave early to go see Pitbull, but at this rate, I won't be able to. I had to forgive my father for those tickets." (Corporate, S01E06)
  • "You're gonna have to make some compromises. You can't have free porn without pop-ups." (Corporate, S01E06)
  • Andrew injecting heroin between his toes while on the phone with American Express (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E05)


(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E02)


(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E02)

  • Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E07)
  • "Oh, fuck. Fresh Prince it?"

    "It worked. I knew it. You Will Smith… Had to resort to some of the Will Smith stuff." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • "What was that?"
    "I kinda was picturing this as a Street Fighter bonus stage-type situation." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • The Joy of Painting re-join (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • "It's been…"
    "It's been–"
    [pause]
    "Yes, I get it." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • Nirvanna the Band the Show Season Grade: B
  • ♫: Spacehog! (Everything Sucks!, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


6. Trail Blazers Fans Play the Worst Tic-Tac-Toe Game of All Time (Hornets at Trail Blazers, 02-08-18)


Stray Observations

  • "You tried to use Hanson against me?! They're just boys!"
    "Boys?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "I had no choice but to detain him for having unpermitted doves."
    "Doves? But walking in a mesh tank top with fireworks is okay?"
    "It's Florida. That image was almost our state flag." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "Emery, we need to have a serious talk, which is impossible while you're wearing a mesh tank top." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "Oh, hey, Black Nanny Two." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "You look down on them like I look down on Under Armour shoes."
    "Oh, Dre, I don't have that kind of hate in my heart for anyone."
    "It's not hate. It's just that Steph Curry thinks we can't tell he'd rather be in Jordans." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "Okay, it seems as if I've struck a chord with you black side. Is it possible that I can talk to your white side?" (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "You are not the guy who picketed Subway when they started toasting the bread."
    "Somebody had to stand up for Quiznos."
    "Of course."
    "And Togo's gets no respect." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "Was he dressed like Earth, Wind and Fire?"
    "What?"
    "Was the body your boss put in the fire dressed like Maurice White?" (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "Hey, real quick, before you knock me out, you think I can get a pic? And can you make sure you light up?"
    "What?! No!" (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "Someone should burn this lesbian whorehouse to the ground." (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "I know the plane has been cleared. Is there any way I could pop back on and get something?"
    "What do you think this is, September 10?" (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "I'll have what she's having. Like the movie. You're Sally, and I'm old Jewish woman who wants orgasm." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "The bartender didn't even card me. I might as well start wearing jackets with shoulder pads and posting on Facebook." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "Sometimes you can be condescending, oblivious, and think you're fancier than you are. You're like the sorbet of people."
    "At least I'm low-fat." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "Well, I can bring sadness on command. I've seen many people being ripped apart by horses." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "We did it at Arby's."
    "Did what?"
    "Sex, man."
    "Oh. In the restaurant?"
    "No, man, in the parking lot by the grease tanks." (Baskets, S03E03)
  • "You're destroying families with your courtesan ways!"
    "It's different with Hal. He's not a client. It's real."
    "Mother, he has a wife!"
    "Alice Cooper? That gorgon?" (Riverdale, S02E13)
  • Black-ish and Grown-ish both referencing Zoë Kravitz this week (Black-ish, S04E13 / Grown-ish, S01E07)
  • "I understand the psychology of pathetic people. Just trust me on this." (Alone Together, S01E05)
  • ♫: Phoria – "Evolve" (The Magicians, S03E05)
  • "If you're over 30 and don't have a spreadsheet of everyone you've ever met, you're behind in life." (Corporate, S01E05)
  • "I was a virgin until we had sex."
    "Oh, my God."
    "Yeah. I hated it. I'm never gonna do it again." (Corporate, S01E05)
  • "Yeah! Look at this wet hamster!" (Corporate, S01E05)
  • Post-murder "Pump Up the Jam" (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E04)
  • Aimee Mann (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E04)


(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

5. Papa Poutine (Riverdale, S02E12)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Shameless Season Grade: D
  • Justin Forsett and Miesha Tate (Shark Tank, S09E20)
  • "You can't scrub it from the internet. Everything on the internet is permanent. It's digital herpes." (Crashing, S02E03)
  • "Of all the people in the world that you could've pissed off, Bill Burr is the worst. He's out there, he's, he's…MMA! He's involved with the MMA community! He's friends with Joe Rogan!" (Crashing, S02E03)
  • "And after the 11:00 news, it's The Late Show With David Letterman."
    "Louis, you can stay up and watch that old man and his piano gremlin, but I'm going to bed." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E14)
  • "He's having a panic attack! Breathe into your mother's knock-off purse." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "Why does he suddenly need to breathe into my authentic Chanel purse?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "Oh, no! He's having a panic attack! Who has a knock-off Chanel purse he can breathe into?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "How do you shower?" (Black Lightning, S01E03)
  • "Don't sexualize my name, please." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Never trust anyone with three names. James Earl Ray. John Wilkes Booth."
    […]
    "David Lee Roth." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "On Law and Order, bartenders are always being evasive for no reason." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Could I compensate you for that information? I've got a couple of fives and some Certs." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "What? He's a shepherd from the Basque region in Bakersfield?"
    "Yeah, there's a big Basque community here, and I met him outside the feed store." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Sorry, I got a carrot delivery." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "What, you gotta pee al fresco or something?" (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "And this is a perfectly acceptable moonwalk!" (Speechless, S02E14)
  • "I'm Hyman – Cooper."
    "Hyman. Did that mean something different when you were born?"
    "Wait, you haven't heard of me? The pervert ghost of Brakebills?" (The Magicians, S03E04)
  • "Oh, Josh is my idol. That man is a vagician." (The Magicians, S03E04)
  • "Imagine the Patriot Act never existed." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "You spend years fighting corporations and then finally you have to admit to yourself you love Southwestern Eggrolls." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "The protest is now a pro-fest in Protest Fest, a four-day music festival celebrating protesting. Headliners include: Kanye West, Rage Against the Machine, and LCD Soundsystem, playing their final show on Friday and their reunion show on Saturday." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "Anyway, I gotta go deejay the Devour mac and cheese rave." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • Post-murder ham (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E03)
  • "Anyway, I took a deep breath, told them I ate a Cheeto, and walked away." (The Good Place, S02E12)
  • Ted Danson tending bar (The Good Place, S02E12)
  • The Good Place Season Grade: B


(A.P. Bio, S01E01)

  • "Boston's not even a real city. It’s a college town with a fishing pier." (Saturday Night Live, S43E13)
  • Max Headroom (Altered Carbon, S01E05)
  • ♫: Sune Rose Wagner – "More Human Than Human" (Altered Carbon, S01E06)
  • "Do you remember when I almost got fired for saying I could see your areolas through your shirt?"
    "Vaguely." (Altered Carbon, S01E08)


(Altered Carbon, S01E10)

  • Altered Carbon Season Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek