Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

4. Nola vs. Burton (Banshee, S03E03)

A Fight Scene of the Year nominee.


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I've never had a taco." (Worst Cooks in America, S06E03)
  • "My favorite food is Hamburger Helper – with chicken." (Worst Cooks in America, S06E03)
  • "They may have female genitalia, but those lesbians are The Man." (Shameless, S05E02)
  • "I want to see the burning man!" (Shameless, S05E02)
  • The butler looks like Bomani Jones (Gotham, S01E12)
  • "In modern America, touching in public is quite permitted. Also warrants the expression 'get a room.'" (Sleepy Hollow, S02E13)
  • "Fat Chance, when we started, you had no control over your powers."

    "See this? Totally random."
    "Nonsense. This is a door to time and space. Where it goes is up to you. You must become Fat Choice." (The Venture Bros.: All This and Gargantua-2)
  • "I hench for no man." (The Venture Bros.: All This and Gargantua-2)
  • "Nobody but spies play baccarat." (The Venture Bros.: All This and Gargantua-2)


(Parks and Recreation, S07E03)

  • "Zach! Camp Wamapoke! You got a boner!" (Parks and Recreation, S07E03)
  • "The Somebody's Daughter Dancers." (Parks and Recreation, S07E03)
  • "Game of Thrones is on tonight! It's the series finale! Khaleesi is marrying Jack Sparrow! Oh, God, that show has really gone off the rails."
    "Look, it makes sense if you read the books." (Parks and Recreation, S07E04)
  • "Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something like that. Sharp, inhospitable. Same reason I never understood the fascination with the artichoke. Now bourbon is easy to understand. Tastes like a warm summer day." (Justified, S06E01)
  • "You need to be smart."
    "What I need is a $6 blow job. A smarter move I cannot imagine." (Justified, S06E01)
  • Swedish songwriters – heh (Empire, S01E03)
  • "What is this?"
    "This is Gus. He's a private detective that I hired."
    "You did what?"
    "He ain't cheating on you…" (Empire, S01E03)


(Best New Restaurant, S01E01)


(Workaholics, S05E02)

  • "No one gives a shit about bloody Cole Porter." (American Horror Story, S04E13)
  • American Horror Story Season Grade: D+
  • "My cock ring is sliding off."
    "Why my father is talking to me with a cinch around his penis is beyond my grasp." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "Can I get a drink?"
    "Go ask one of the other ones."
    "What other ones?"
    "The other ones. The bird lady, the troll man." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "Can I get a drink, please?"
    "No, not now. Ask one of the other ones. The dirty one or the gay one." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "What are some of the things we could talk about?"
    "Creatine shits." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "Cowboys hate teachers. You know, cowboys are independent thinkers who like to learn for themselves." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "Let's just keep it simple. Let's just start with our names."
    […]
    "Hi, ladies. I'm Frak. Shit!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "Ignition (Remix)," "Return of the Mack," "No Scrubs" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E02)
  • "I'll just masturbate." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E02)
  • "She hated the text. She's never going to respond. We have to save face. We have to pretend we were just kidding. Text 'JK.' Text 'JK'!" (Man Seeking Woman, S01E02)


(The Taste, S03E07)

  • The Taste Season Grade: C
  • "You have to try this. Hot cocoa, dark creme de cacao, hint of crème de menthe, and peppermint schnapps. I call it a 'peppermint patty.'" (Archer, S06E03)
  • "We head out at dawn."
    "And that's A.M.?"
    "As opposed to…?"
    "P.M. Dawn?"
    "'Set Adrift on Memory Bliss.' Come on, buddy." (Archer, S06E03)
  • "I have kind of a weird bucket list."
    "Number three: Bang Joe Frazier."
    "[sigh] Really regret sharing that with you." (Archer, S06E03)


(Portlandia, S05E03)

  • "All men like Brigitte Nielsen." (Portlandia, S05E03)


(Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E02)


The Outkast one is Out Kasserole (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E02)

  • "Make 'Em Say Uhh" reference (Lucas Bros. Moving Co., S02E02)
  • "I have many unique skills, including making the Predator noise." (King of the Nerds, S03E01)


(Banshee, S03E03)

  • Mile 69 – heh (Banshee, S03E03)
  • "I am Associate Professor X."
    "Wait a minute. Your name is X, as in the letter 'X'?"
    "E-C-K-S. My parents named me after their favourite film character, Jeremiah Ecks, from Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E03)
  • "They should come out with a video game that's just stuff black people do."
    "Yeah, like a whole level to see who can tuck their shirt in their drawers and sag their pants the best."
    "What would the boss level be?"
    "Sell cocaine for at least five years." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E03)
  • "If I get mad at a little person… What I do is I just throw a big sombrero on top of them and then put tortilla chips in there. And I make them walk around a party with a sombrero full of chips." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E03)
  • "You need Jesus."
    "I need Jesus and a can of ginger ale." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E10)
  • The Eric Andre Show Season Grade: A-

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


3. Fifty Shades of Grey (Togetherness, S01E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have, um, original no flavour and…whole wheat no flavour." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E13)
  • "Wash my dogs, and be warned, they just watched Peabody and Sherman, so they're extra horny." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E13)
  • "We're like Batman and Alfred."
    "You'd rather be Alfred than Robin?"
    "He has access to the Batcave. Plus, he gets to drive all of Batman's girlfriends home and dish." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E13)
  • "I have no idea what a cucumber is." (Worst Cooks in America, S06E02)
  • "You know Norman Reedus?" (Girls, S04E01)
  • "Hard to hate a guy who gives you raisins." (Bob's Burgers, S05E09)
  • "I am never going back to the pit, unless the pit is a cool diner where teens hang out." (Bob's Burgers, S05E09)


Painting of Scott Bakula (Looking, S02E01)

  • "Agustín made a new friend too."
    "Yeah, I did. He's cute. A big bear who cares about trans and has a house in Virginia."
    "Oh, I've always wanted to visit the South."
    "Heh. A 'house in Virginia' – HIV positive." (Looking, S02E01)
  • "If anybody wants to hang, I will be at Subway." (Parks and Recreation, S07E01)


(Parks and Recreation, S07E01)

  • Werner Herzog! (Parks and Recreation, S07E01)
  • "After 47 years living here, I decided to move to Orlando to be closer to Disney World." (Parks and Recreation, S07E01)
  • "Everyone's in a really great mood now because of the Cubs winning in the Series." (Parks and Recreation, S07E02)
  • "This is why they call it Beantown, huh?" (Parks and Recreation, S07E02)
  • "It turns out the crotch blinder was inside you all along." (Parks and Recreation, S07E02)
  • "I like my stomach like I like my suits – no lining." (New Girl, S04E13)
  • "I confiscated this satellite phone with a condom taped to it."
    "My earthquake kit?" (New Girl, S04E13)
  • "A water bottle with the top cut off."
    "That's a cup."
    "That is just a cup." (New Girl, S04E13)
  • Why did Antonia Lofaso replace Waylynn Lucas? (Restaurant Startup, S02E01)
  • Fellatio bib (Empire, S01E02)
  • "Shut up, Dora." (Empire, S01E02)
  • "You gon' Ray Rice me?" (Empire, S01E02)
  • "I asked for capers on the damn bagel!" (Empire, S01E02)
  • "Come on, Barack, you know you don't have to use that kind of languag— [Obama hangs up on Lucious]" (Empire, S01E02)
  • "First off, I have to commend your son, Hakeem Lyon, who recently accused President Obama of being a sellout." (Empire, S01E02)
  • "Every time I intubate a patient, I am reminded of how far we've come because of the accomplishments of 'Dr.' King."
    "Did you just air quote Dr. King?"
    "No… I am a medical doctor because of 'Dr.' King."
    "Are you hating on Dr. King?"
    "No, he is a great man, Dre! He has a Nobel Peace Prize, okay? I do not have one! But if you were to have a heart attack, he would give a great speech, and I would keep you alive." (Black-ish, S01E12)
  • Another Asylum character tie-in (American Horror Story, S04E12)
  • "You're a regular Gabriel Iglesias."
    "Iiiii wouldn't say that. Fluffy's very talented." (Workaholics, S05E01)
  • "Get that pecker out, buddy."
    "Okay, I can't. I'm sorry. It's like… It's very small, all right? It's like the, you know, the plastic thing at the end of a shoelace." (Workaholics, S05E01)
  • "Every gash is somebody's daughter." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "He did a monologue from Precious, which isn't even in the karaoke book." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "Uh ohhhh! There's a Jew at Hitler's party." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "When I was in Austria, back in the era, I would say 'That one,' and my bodyguards, they would take her, and they would put her in my bed. They would burn the house down. That was my Tinder." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "Don't you still love me?"
    "Josh…"
    "I'm better than Hitler!" (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "I'm sorry, Hitler." (Man Seeking Woman, S01E01)
  • "Isn't Argentina our ally?"
    "You'd think, right, after we threw them that lovely coup?" (Archer, S06E02)
  • "What the hell are you doing?"
    "I'm Archerizing this plan."
    "What? No, no. Uh-uh. You cannot make yourself a verb. I will not allow it." (Archer, S06E02)


"Thanks, Mr. Bearjangles." (Archer, S06E02)

  • Justin Long! (Portlandia, S05E02)
  • Changing up the opening credits (Banshee, S03E02)
  • "What if he calls it off?"
    "As Coldplay would say, don't panic. My boy Scott can, as Coldplay would say, talk his way out of anything." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E02)
  • "You better stop making like Coldplay by creating trouble and get back to work." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E02)
  • Twin Shadow! (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E02)
  • "It kind of sounds a little bit like a bong."
    "UC Santa Cruz." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E02)
  • Maya Rudolph corpsing at the end of the Claire Coulter interview (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E02)
  • Andy Samberg refusing to whip out his junk because he's doing better than Eric Andre (The Eric Andre Show, S03E09)


(The Eric Andre Show, S03E09)

  • Kevin Hart sure likes leather clothing (Saturday Night Live, S40E11)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

2. Christina (Worst Cooks in America, S06E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "The fanny runs deep." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E12)


(Worst Cooks in America, S06E01)

  • "Hold on. I recognize that sound. It's butts on brass." (Bob's Burgers, S05E08)
  • "How are we going to get past Ms. Schnur?"
    "I have an idea."
    […]
    "Hey, Penny Marshall's outside!" (Bob's Burgers, S05E08)
  • Retconning this season's case? (Broadchurch, S02E01)


(Bodyshockers, S02E01)

  • "We got a code Jewish, code Jewish."
    "You're under ch'arrest." (New Girl, S04E12)
  • "Girl's like a…pepperoni." (New Girl, S04E12)
  • "So that was a huge failure. I feel like a Democrat." (New Girl, S04E12)
  • Common hosted, judged, and recorded a theme song for a furniture building competition (Framework, S01E01)
  • Nicole's accent is bizarre (The Real World, S30E04)
  • "The president is asking that you'll attend the China state dinner."
    "Okay, tell Barack that, yes, but this is the last one for the next few months." (Empire, S01E01)
  • "I'm not competing with that sound." (Empire, S01E01)
  • "Take that damn bass out of your voice when you talking to me!" (Empire, S01E01)
  • Lucious literally binning his gay son (Empire, S01E01)
  • "I want to show you a faggot really can run this company." (Empire, S01E01)
  • With Cuba Gooding Jr., this show will star FOUR Academy Award nominees (Empire, S01E01)
  • "This place, these people, are our world, and it is like a banquet full of delicious possibilities. But our top priority is sex." (American Horror Story, S04E11)
  • "Is that medicine?"
    "It's painkillers mixed with candy. I call them 'Mike and Vics.'" (Archer, S06E01)
  • "You're gonna need my help."
    "Ha! Because you also need my help!"
    "Only because you just broke two of my ribs, in addition to impaling me on a bamboo stake, on which, I think we both know, you smeared some poop!" (Archer, S06E01)
  • Ty Burrell corpsing throughout the Fabrice Fabrice interview (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E01)


(The Eric Andre Show, S03E08)

  • "Investigate 311." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E08)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

Cycle six!

1. Nerds (Friends of the People, S01E10)


Stray Observations

  • A $25,000 winner! (Cutthroat Kitchen, S06E10)
  • Friends of the People Season Grade: C+

Looking forward (GULP):

A Lord and Miller sitcom! Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on Adult Swim! This Is England does rave culture!

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clips of the Year

To recap:

1. Unhung Hero
2. Enlisted
3. WWE Raw
4. The Midnight Beast
5. Bob's Burgers
6. New Girl
7. True Detective
8. Looking
9. Hannibal
10. Hannibal
11. Review
12. Rick and Morty
13. Portlandia
14. Portlandia
15. WWE Raw
16. Game of Thrones
17. Fargo
18. Hannibal
19. Vice
20. Hannibal
21. Hannibal
22. Mad Men
23. Silicon Valley
24. Veep
25. Game of Thrones
26. 24
27. Nathan For You
28. Nathan For You
29. Conan
30. Utopia [UK]
31. The Leftovers
32. The Strain
33. Utopia [UK]
34. Nathan For You
35. Wizard Wars
36. You're the Worst
37. Wizard Wars
38. The Bridge
39. The Knick
40. The Simpsons
41. Late Show with David Letterman
42. The Amazing Race
43. Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories
44. "Too Many Cooks"
45. South Park
46. Friends of the People
47. South Park
48. The Amazing Race
49. The Eric Andre Show
50. Black-ish
51. The Eric Andre Show


52. Perhaps the greatest college football play any of us have ever seen (Popeyes Bahamas Bowl, 12-24-14)


Stray Observations

  • "My wife made a lasagna." (Homeland, S04E12)
  • "Walter retired. It's now a Pain Quotidien." (Homeland, S04E12)
  • "We are the no men of no man's land." (Homeland, S04E12)
  • Homeland Season Grade: B-
  • "Rick here has the hands of a ballplayer and the face of an owner." (Friends of the People, S01E09)


(Mozart in the Jungle, S01E01)

  • "Philip Gla– I hate Philip Glass." (Mozart in the Jungle, S01E05)
  • "You know, I once did PR for Insane Clown Posse, but these people are fucking insane." (Mozart in the Jungle, S01E10)
  • Mozart in the Jungle Season Grade: C

Top Five Television Episodes of 2014
5. "The Endorsement" (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E06)
4. "Souvenir Shop / E.L.A.I.F.F." (Nathan For You, S02E02)
3. "Dumb Starbucks" (Nathan For You, S02E05)
2. "Looking for the Future" (Looking, S01E05)
1. "Mizumono" (Hannibal, S02E13)


Top Ten Television Programmes of 2014
10. Fargo
9. Game of Thrones
8. Looking
7. Utopia [UK]
6. Veep
5. Shameless
4. Rick and Morty
3. The Eric Andre Show
2. Nathan For You
1. Hannibal


2013-14 Season Grades
Note: I did not grade a number of programmes whose seasons I only watched some or most of.

Hannibal: A

Nathan For You: A-
Rick and Morty: A-
Shameless: A-
Veep: A-

Game of Thrones: B+
Looking: B+
Sleepy Hollow: B+
Utopia [UK]: B+

24: B
The Americans: B
Babylon: B
Boardwalk Empire: B
The Bridge: B
Brooklyn Nine-Nine: B
Fargo: B
House of Cards: B
King of the Nerds: B
The Knick: B
Restaurant Startup: B
Shark Tank: B
Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories: B

American Horror Story: Coven: B-
Bob's Burgers: B-
Going Deep with David Rees: B-
Hello Ladies: The Movie: B-
Homeland: B-
The Leftovers: B-
Mad Men: B-
Orange Is the New Black: B-
Parks and Recreation: B-
Troy: B-
True Detective: B-

Banshee: C+
Black Mirror: White Christmas: C+
Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule: C+
Chozen: C+
Comedy Bang! Bang!: C+
Community: C+
Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey: C+
Enlisted: C+
Getting On: C+
Girls: C+
Halt and Catch Fire: C+
Happy Valley: C+
The Honourable Woman: C+
In the Flesh: C+
Justified: C+
Loiter Squad: C+
Louie: C+
Masters of Sex: C+
Matador: C+
Orphan Black: C+
Penny Dreadful: C+
Portlandia: C+
Prey: C+
Rectify: C+
Review: C+
Silicon Valley: C+
South Park: C+
The Strain: C+
Trailer Park Boys: C+
Transparent: C+
Vice: C+
Wizard Wars: C+
Workaholics: C+

The Amazing Race 25: C
Archer: C
Bates Motel: C
Black Jesus: C
Face Off 6: C
Face Off 7: C
MasterChef: C
MasterChef Canada: C
MasterChef Junior: C
Modern Family: C
Mozart in the Jungle: C
Mr. Pickles: C
Saturday Night Live: C
The Taste: C
The Taste UK: C
Top Chef: New Orleans: C
Top Chef Canada: C
The Walking Dead: C

Bad Education: C-
The Driver: C-
Friday Night Dinner: C-
The League: C-
Key and Peele: C-
New Girl: C-
Peaky Blinders: C-
Sons of Anarchy: C-
The Trip to Italy: C-
Wilfred: C-

Broad City: D+
From Dusk Till Dawn: D+

The Amazing Race 24: D

So 97 + Friends of the People, which ends on Tuesday.

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

51. Society's Lies (The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)


Stray Observations

  • The complete No-No List (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Hey. No nose hair trimming."
    "Well, I hope you like nostril bush." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Is it something you can hear Garfield saying? If so, it's glib." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "My keeping things light and being Garfieldian is the only reason we don't fight." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Charles Boyle calls people 'baby' when he gets angry." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • Brassiere in a paper bag (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "I like your hair. It matches your teeth." (Bob's Burgers, S05E07)
  • "You don't screw with a tri-delt." (Getting On, S02E06)
  • Getting On Season Grade: C+
  • MasterChef Junior Season Grade: C


(Black Mirror: White Christmas)

  • Black Mirror: White Christmas Grade: C+
  • Asylum! (American Horror Story, S04E10)
  • "You know what I see when I look at you spewing your shit? A dinosaur, roaring at monkeys sailing by, on bikes, with iPads." (Babylon, S01E06)
  • All the Emmys for Bertie Carvel (Babylon, S01E06)
  • The timing of this show… (Babylon, S01E06)
  • Babylon Season Grade: B
  • An Annotated List of Every Single Person Who Sang in the Colbert Finale (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)
  • Vaping Lincoln (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)
  • "I'm getting angry at liberals." (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)


(The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)

  • "Life begins when Ryan Phillippe is horny and ladies be ovulating." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)
  • The Amazing Race: Blind Dates? (The Amazing Race, S25E12)
  • The Amazing Race Season Grade: C
  • "Really?"
    "With Seth and Amy." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E20)
  • Comedy Bang! Bang! Season Grade: C+
  • Toby Keith and Tim Meadows on both Colbert and Ferguson's finales (The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12-19-14)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

50. Black people can't be racist (Black-ish, S01E10)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Presents is like old people third base."
    "No, that's rubbing butts together." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E10)
  • "Caesar salad with tater tots instead of croutons." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E10)
  • "Who's your favourite president?"
    "Bill Pullman." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "Christmas magic is wine?"
    "It's whatever you want it to be. It can be snow, or Santa, or beer, or gin, or rum, or schnapps." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I thought this was a disco."
    "That's Wednesdays. Thursdays, we watch Scandal." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I'm here every Friday night. And Thursdays. I love Scandal." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I want your big hairy nuts." (Getting On, S02E05)
  • Matt Berry cuts off Josh Homme's nose (Toast of London, S02E06)
  • "I'm going back home to Long Island, the birthplace of the female crew cut." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "It's Christmas."
    "Oh, I didn't know that. I thought they just did a black version of Annie for no reason." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "Hey, let's wait in the first class lounge, like the other HBO Go subscribers." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • Pervert Santa is Mr. Belding?! (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "It was worse than the last season of Scrubs. A teaching hospital? Come on." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "I'm-a cut you and Michael Cera's baby!" (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • "Calling all the fighting spirits of every black martial artist in the universe: Jar Jar Binks, Wendy Williams, Panthro from the ThunderCats." (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • "Ron Artest?"
    "Hey, fool, my name is Tiny Lister." (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • A doll warehouse? (Sons of Anarchy, S07E13)
  • Vic Mackey, heh (Sons of Anarchy, S07E13)
  • Sons of Anarchy Season Grade: C-
  • It's car product placement week on Fox-produced sitcoms (Modern Family, S06E10)
  • "Santa was the first white man I ever loved." (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "The White House was just that – white – until one man broke through and gave my people hope – Dennis Haysbert in 24." (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "Mexican female Santa?! No! Too far from the box! Get closer! Closer to the box!" (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "Goddamn it, I was so close to a nut." (American Horror Story, S04E09)
  • Dandy channeling Yeezus (American Horror Story, S04E09)
  • T-2Pac (South Park, S18E10)


Iggy Azalea (South Park, S18E10)

  • "I am trending into something more than human. I am becoming…trendsgender" – best callback (South Park, S18E10)
  • South Park Season Grade: C+
  • Key and Peele Season Grade: C-
  • Death, taxes, Nigella's team being eliminated first (The Taste, S03E02)
  • "Hey, when you take a wiz, do you get a sense of khalifa?" (The Eric Andre Show, S03E06)
  • "311 never happened." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E06)
  • "1 877 kars for kids." (Saturday Night Live, S40E09)
  • "It's rows and rows of little Filipino ladies." (Saturday Night Live, S40E09)
  • "Someone just mistook her for Mila Kunis."
    "Yes, you do look like Mila! Doesn't she? Yes, yes. And you look like someone famous as well."
    "Really…"
    "Yeah. Who is it?"
    "I know who it is."
    "It's a movie star, isn't it?"
    "Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It's Jude Law." (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • Allison Tolman! (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • "Don't get hung up on any one woman. Not worth it. You know what pussy is spelled backwards? Wise up." (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • Hello Ladies: The Movie Grade: B-


(Homeland, S04E06)

  • "You point your finger at Islam, but if Christianity is to be judged by the misery it has caused mankind, who would ever be a Christian?"
    "I'm a Jew." (Homeland, S04E07)
  • "Afghanistan."
    "The graveyard of empires." (Homeland, S04E07)
  • "I am authorized to kill U.S. citizens on the battlefield, you motherfucker. Don't think I can't do whatever is required. Don't think that I won't." (Homeland, S04E09)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

49. Michael Jackson's "Black Or White" video morphing HANNITIZED (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Terry loves kreplach." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E09)
  • "I had an airtight break-up plan in place. I made a reservation next Thursday at a well-lit Korean restaurant in Midtown. It's the least romantic place I could think of." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E09)
  • "Now I know how Salieri felt." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E09)
  • [fires gun] "Shut up…" (The Walking Dead, S05E08)
  • "Cupcake-flavoured ice cream served on a waffle. Pizza tacos. Robot cake. Hot fudge car wash." (Bob's Burgers, S05E05)
  • "There's no such thing as an innocent fart anymore." (Getting On, S02E04)


(Getting On, S02E04)

  • "I'm studying anogenital distances, gender flips, vaginal atrophy, I have been invited to participate in the Cochran study on anal augmentation for female fecal incontinence…" (Getting On, S02E04)
  • "We can no longer sweep female fecal incontinence under the rug." (Getting On, S02E04)
  • "It was the harmless transmission of an errant vulva." (Getting On, S02E04)
  • "I'm a damn feminist who loves purses. Where else am I supposed to keep my feminist writings? In a purse. That's where."
    "Lena Dunham… [pause] I don't know… I–" (New Girl, S04E10)
  • "What's your favourite thing about America?"
    "Kentucky women."
    "Favourite part of The Rock?"
    "'Welcome to the Rock.'" (New Girl, S04E10)
  • "Now she works whenever she wants. It's a scam called 'consulting.'" (New Girl, S04E10)
  • Drink every time Chibs or Tig receives a phone call and informs Jax what his next scene is (Sons of Anarchy, S07E12)
  • "Go home, Wayne."
    "I can't do that. This is all I got left." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E12)
  • "Leave."
    [grabs leaves] (Modern Family, S06E09)
  • "There is not an Esther Choi on Earth who needs math tutoring." (Modern Family, S06E09)
  • "You race card, sir."
    "Ah, my African-American Express." (Black-ish, S01E09)
  • "Freemium gaming destroys lives. I lost my father to Candy Crush." (South Park, S18E09)
  • "All I do is rip off Missy." (South Park, S18E09)
  • "Death would be preferable to Tampa." (American Horror Story, S04E08)
  • It's matricide week on FX (American Horror Story, S04E08)
  • "I'm not going back to Instagram." (Babylon, S01E04)
  • 2Pac's "California Love" HANNITIZED (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)
  • "I'm using Asian condiments to loosen these cuffs." (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)
  • "What do you think Drag-On is up to now?" (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)


(The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)

  • "Some garbage is OK." (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)
  • "His first name is a crime. Please welcome Rob Corddry." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E18)
  • "813.54."
    "You still remember my Dewey Decimal number."
    "Zero."
    "You still remember the amount of times I've had sex." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E18)
  • "I have a thyroid issue, like my father before me." (Saturday Night Live, S40E08)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

48. Pain for pleasure (The Amazing Race, S25E09)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "I could not get enough of the ponies." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E08)
  • "The only way to make things right is to do the worst, most awful thing imaginable."
    "Dip your penis in vinegar." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E08)
  • "Some things might come easier to you if you stop being such a perfectionist, a concept you should become…familiar with."
    "Familiar with… A dangling preposition?"
    "I'm setting an example. I made an error, and I'm not going to correct it. I'm just going to let it dangle, dangle, dangle." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E08)
  • Ricky Jay: "We're not magicians." (Getting On, S02E03)
  • "Jacuzzi filled with nipples…" (Mr. Pickles, S01E10)
  • Mr. Pickles Season Grade: C
  • "You really scared me, Master Bruce. If you die… Who employs butlers anymore?" (Gotham, S01E10)
  • "Jess brought me a hot lunch lady. What am I supposed to do with that?"
    "Do sex with the lunch lady. That's obvious."
    "I know how it sounds, but she's, like, a real lunch lady."
    "After she has sex with you, she could put food in your mouth." (New Girl, S04E09)
  • "Rooney is my people." (New Girl, S04E09)


LOOK WHO'S BACK (Degrassi, S14E05)

  • Drinking beer with a straw (Friends of the People, S01E05)
  • Young Maurice the god – ha! (Friends of the People, S01E05)
  • "I'm not wearing any underwear."
    "Then how do you block the dookies? Do they just fall out?" (Friends of the People, S01E05)
  • "That dude, whoever owns Boingo, got a boat, probably." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E04)


Poob implants (The Eric Andre Show, S03E04)


Mac DeMarco does his own stunts (The Eric Andre Show, S03E04)


(The Eric Andre Show, S03E04)

  • Curtain rod on subway train gag (Broad City, S01E04)
  • Broad City Season Grade: D+
  • Restaurant Startup Season Grade: B
  • Rescuing/reviving frozen Ricky (Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)
  • Ricky's previous mishaps montage (Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)
  • "That's why the A-Team was probably so good, 'cause they got this little shortcut-y path thing right here in the middle." (Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)


(Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)

  • "♫ I am like the wind / You can blow me anytime / Just take me in your mouth / And blow me ♫" (Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)
  • "Calm the fuck down, Home Alone." (Trailer Park Boys, S08E02)
  • "Gary LaserEyes is infested!" (Trailer Park Boys, S08E05)
  • Liquor ball sandwiches (Trailer Park Boys, S08E05)
  • Bubbles in the laundromat (Trailer Park Boys, S08E05)


(Trailer Park Boys, S08E07)


Drake (Trailer Park Boys, S08E07)

  • Directed by Cory? (Trailer Park Boys, S08E08)
  • The mortician swinging a hair dryer (Trailer Park Boys, S08E08)


Civil Rights Movement shirt (Trailer Park Boys, S08E08)

  • "Help my fuck" – Tyrone's catchphrase (Trailer Park Boys, S08E09)
  • Directed by Jay Baruchel? (Trailer Park Boys, S08E10)
  • Trailer Park Boys Season Grade: C+
  • "They went to the Beverly Center with him like that, mom."
    "Ew! No one goes to the Beverly Center." (Transparent, S01E05)
  • "Is this Zankou? Where's the garlic stuff?" (Transparent, S01E09)
  • "You're fucking the rabbi?" (Transparent, S01E09)
  • Transparent Season Grade: C+

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

47. The Amazingly Randy (South Park, S18E08)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "It's not that weird to say, 'May I have some cocaine?'" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E07)
  • "I don't always understand Peralta's texts. He says, 'They're still waiting on the lab' and 'It's allz good' – 'allz' with a Z. Then, a box with a question mark inside, another box with a question mark, another box with a question mark, another box with a question mark, another box with a question mark, and yet another box with a question mark. Then, a box with a question mark. What does that mean?"
    "It means you don't have emojis on your phone." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E07)
  • CGI Atlanta is so flat (The Walking Dead, S05E06)
  • "I want to be the bad boy of public radio, like Elvis Mitchell." (Bob's Burgers, S05E03)


(Mr. Pickles, S01E09)


"I was born without genitals."
"Then where do you go pee pee or poo poo?"
"You don't want to know." (Mr. Pickles, S01E09)

  • The audience booing Grumpy Cat (WWE Raw, 11-17-14)
  • Gotham has a munitions factory (Gotham, S01E09)
  • Sergei from Delocated playing another Russian mobster (Gotham, S01E09)
  • "What's permanent press?"
    "Fake button. Nobody uses it." (New Girl, S04E07)
  • "The way she killed her… So brutal." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E11)
  • "I have no idea how Bobby handled this shit."
    "Yeah. We need to patch in another Jew." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E11)
  • "Therapy's just not something our people do. We have Jesus and baths." (Black-ish, S01E07)
  • Nirvana? (American Horror Story, S04E07)
  • "We make the perfect before-and-after picture." (American Horror Story, S04E07)
  • "What is that?"
    "It's, uh, speed weed from Taco. I've been up for 48 hours straight having sex, and then after I have sex, I masturbate, and then after that, I look at pictures of corn, which I find is a huge turn-on for me."
    "You're jerking off to corn?" (The League, S06E12)
  • "Soft cheese, hard dick!" (The League, S06E12)
  • Tom Condon? (The League, S06E13)
  • "A pax on all of your homes!"
    "Think you mean 'pox,' Ruxin."
    "No, I mean that the only cable network you all should get is PAX." (The League, S06E13)
  • The League Season Grade: C-
  • Scott parodying Frank Underwood (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E16)
  • Mystikal! (Saturday Night Live, S40E07)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


46. Bachelorette Party Mantasy (Friends of the People, S01E03)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Drink the ranch! Drink the ranch!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E06)
  • "Everyone likes to be the little spoon. It makes you feel safe. Carl, back me up on this."
    "Yes, little spoon all the way." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E06)
  • "Look, my job is to make you prove he did it. It's the basis of our entire justice system. What, you think John Adams was just some idiot?"
    "No, I think John Adams was a mini-series I didn't watch because it looked like a book." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E06)


(Mr. Pickles, S01E08)


(Toast of London, S02E02)

  • Death by paper cutter blade (Gotham, S01E08)
  • "Young man, business suit, esophagus lacerated from index cards shoved down his throat." (Gotham, S01E08)
  • Bruce using his father's watch as knuckles (Gotham, S01E08)
  • "He tried to kill me."
    "That's right. He did. He tried to kill you. Just you remember that next time you see him – and you remember that I let him try. [to Bruce] Now let's get some ice on those knuckles. What do you fancy for your dinner?"
    "Pizza."
    "Pizza. Superb choice, Master Bruce." (Gotham, S01E08)
  • "It's not that I love fighting, but I'm not afraid to either." (Gotham, S01E08)
  • "So. Your dad's in politics? Is he a Republican or a Democrat?"
    "He wears a tie." (MasterChef Junior, S02E02)
  • "I'm terrible at lying; I'm terrific at make believe." (New Girl, S04E07)
  • "I just cried on my penis while I was peeing. That happened." (New Girl, S04E07)
  • "It's a very hard time to be gay. Girls are wearing scarves and boots. They have so many layers to them. What is underneath all those layers? I want to find out."
    "Are you blaming autumn?" (New Girl, S04E07)
  • "Can we agree that this not the most mature way to handle things, even though it's pretty fun?"
    "It's no fun a couple bellinis and a round of Apples to Apples can't solve."
    "What kind of gay are you?"
    "I'm still finding it." (New Girl, S04E07)
  • "What's women?" (New Girl, S04E07)
  • "So what kind of guys do you like to date?"
    "Ripped nerds. Sleepy guys. We in the gay community call them 'drowsers.'" (New Girl, S04E07)
  • "The fructose burns my throat." (Friends of the People, S01E03)
  • Marilyn Manson ass-raping Juice (Sons of Anarchy, S07E10)
  • Marilyn Manson reading love poems by Emily Brontë to Juice (Sons of Anarchy, S07E10)
  • "I don't have molars." (Black-ish, S01E07)
  • "I'm about to make it rain up in the comic book store!" (Black-ish, S01E07)


Live-action Butters (South Park, S18E07)

  • "It's like when I had tuberculosis and you took me out to the Utah desert!" (American Horror Story, S04E06)
  • "If there isn't a divider, stand outside her." (The League, S06E11)
  • "Ride with me, my breadless horseman." (The League, S06E11)
  • "No cheese could realistically be inserted up an anus." (Babylon, S01E01)
  • "I know I'm looking a little chub, but I'm preparing for the lead role in Precious: Part 2 – Precious with a Dick." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E02)
  • "Morpheus drinking a 40 in a death basket." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E02)
  • Funyuns flag (Saturday Night Live, S40E06)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

45. Freemium Gaming 101 (South Park, S18E06)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "The girls' bathroom is nice. Each stall has a tiny metal mailbox. I'm glad I was carrying around that postcard for Ken." (Bob's Burgers, S05E02)
  • "We don't know if that's water or urine you're lying in."
    "I think it's just water. Yeah, water. No, pee." (Bob's Burgers, S05E02)
  • "She got catfished by a box." (Bob's Burgers, S05E02)
  • "Where's Tina? Crying into her butt?"
    "No, my butt is dry, and strong." (Bob's Burgers, S05E02)
  • "Gene, it's okay to watch Kitchen Nightmares alone." (Bob's Burgers, S05E02)
  • "Home Depot, I don't wanna fuck an Asian daughter!" (Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, 11-02-14)
  • Katia Winter's hips – O_O (Sleepy Hollow, S02E07)
  • "I must Internet immediately." (Sleepy Hollow, S02E07)
  • "I've always really wanted to make a chicken liver pâté." (MasterChef Junior, S02E01)
  • "I'll take him to a water park, I will. I'll put him on one of those water slides between two obese people and he'll get smushed to death. He'll die between the obese people before he drowns in the water." (New Girl, S04E06)
  • The new opening credits stink (New Girl, S04E06)
  • "Would you like a green grape shoved in your— given to your mouth…handed to your mouth?" (New Girl, S04E06)
  • "I've never seen someone sweat so much in my life. It looks like your body is crying." (New Girl, S04E06)
  • "I once walked by my mother sleeping and I snuck in the room and I put a lemon in her mouth." (New Girl, S04E06)
  • "I understand what you're saying about killing all the black people. When we do, maybe we could just…not kill Will Smith?" (Friends of the People, S01E02)
  • "I guess the KKK will only hate John Cusack?" (Friends of the People, S01E02)
  • "Soon Canada will be as advanced and developed as Michigan." (South Park, S18E06)
  • "It's the Canadian devil."
    "Beelzaboot." (South Park, S18E06)
  • "When you get involved with freemium gaming, you are making a deal with the Canadian devil." (South Park, S18E06)
  • "Canada is back to being an ethical, respected, shitty tundra." (South Park, S18E06)
  • "Mayonnaise has healing properties." (The League, S06E10)
  • Tiny woman's tiny violin (American Horror Story, S04E05)
  • "This body is America – strong, violent, and full of limitless potential. (American Horror Story, S04E05)
  • "I will be the U.S. Steel of murder." (American Horror Story, S04E05)
  • "Don't fuck with the Peaky Blinders." (Peaky Blinders, S02E06)
  • Peaky Blinders Season Grade: C-
  • "Katt Williams… More like Fatt Williams."
    "Next joke! Katt Williams is very thin!" (The Eric Andre Show, S03E01)
  • "Was that your wife? ..Your girlfriend? …Mistress? ….Sister?"
    "She's just some bitch I fucked after I went to see Raisin in the Sun starring Denzel Washington." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E01)
  • "I did Zaxxon." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E14)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


44. Too Many Cooks, 10-28-14


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Think about the things you want in life, and then picture yourself in a dress." (Boardwalk Empire, S05E08)
  • Tommy shoots Nucky in the same spot under the eye where the fatal bullet hit Jimmy (Boardwalk Empire, S05E08)
  • RT: "Did #BoardwalkEmpire finale cut Willie Thompson's scenes? Synopsis says he gives out info to US Attorney. But he wasn't in the episode" (Boardwalk Empire, S05E08)
  • Boardwalk Empire Season Grade: B
  • The creator of The Tick works on this show?! (Gotham, S01E06)
  • "I'm Lacy Wyatt, and this is the Gotham 7 Goat Watch." (Gotham, S01E06)
  • "You are a scurvy louse. You are a slop bucket." (Sleepy Hollow, S02E06)
  • "ChiefWiggum49 and Haloismybitch12 decided to frag me." (Sleepy Hollow, S02E06)
  • Face Off Season Grade: C
  • Melo! (Sons of Anarchy, S07E08)
  • "Is there another character in Where's Waldo?"
    "Wizard Whitebeard."
    "Okay. That'll be fun. I haven't gone out with a white beard since I took my cousin Sally to the prom." (Modern Family, S06E06)
  • This is why we need American Horror Story: to see Jessica Lange as a dominatrix and Patti LaBelle get her throat slit (American Horror Story, S04E04)
  • Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories Season Grade: B
  • "And that's why 'Monster Mash' was our wedding song. What was yours?"
    "Oh, it was 'Brick' by Ben Folds Five." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E13)
  • "I was like a pregnant woman in Texas – I had no choice." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E13)
  • "No fapping!" (Saturday Night Live, S40E05)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

43. Hollywood Wrap Up (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E06*)

* a 'television episode of the year' nominee


Honourable Mention

  • Incarnations of the Simpsons (The Simpsons, S26E04)
    [computer-animated, anime, Adventure Time, South Park, Archer, Sylvain Chomet, LEGO, Despicable Me, callback]
  • Gillian's letter (Boardwalk Empire, S05E07)
  • Tom Hardy and Noah Taylor talk (Peaky Blinders, S02E04)
  • Stupid cross-eyed animals (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E12)
  • Carrey Family Reunion (Saturday Night Live, S40E04)

Stray Observations

  • "He could be in Canada by now. There's so many forests up there. That country is one giant hiding place." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E04)
  • "I have to…make urines in dee toilet." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E04)
  • "You're the champagne of friends." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E04)
  • "School is cool. That's why it rhymes." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E04)
  • "I began by creating…a word cloud." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E04)
  • Mickey Doyle – cruel twist of fate (Boardwalk Empire, S05E07)
  • "You tell yourself it's quick, but you don't know. You can't know until it's you, and then you'll never tell anyone." (Boardwalk Empire, S05E07)
  • "Last time I took a shower, Mr. Pickles replaced my soap with a human face." (Mr. Pickles, S01E05)


(Gotham, S01E05)

  • "You're working in a…"
    "PlayStation game testing factory."
    "What kind of stuff do you do?"
    "Well, I shouldn't really be telling you this, but…we are developing a new button – the hexagon." (Bad Education, S03E06)
  • Bad Education Season Grade: C-
  • "Killing your mommy was an accident." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E07)
  • RT: A special Cutthroat Kitchen #hottake. Having $100 dollars when you opponent has $25,000 in the final round is bad. (Cutthroat Kitchen: Superstar Sabotage, S01E03)
  • "I always wanted a Spanish house. It would be like living in an El Torito." (Modern Family, S06E05)
  • "Frowny face stamp. I didn't know they made those."
    "I had to special order it from Germany." (Modern Family, S06E05)
  • "Whooping don't care what you are. An ass is an ass is an ass is an ass." (Black-ish, S01E05)
  • RT: This is why we need American Horror Story: to see Patti LaBelle do the Woody Woodpecker laugh. (American Horror Story, S04E03)
  • Todd English's face (Top Chef, S12E02)


(Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E06)

  • The Vandals! (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E12)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

42. Brooke does it for the Vine (The Amazing Race, S25E04)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Time for me to get out there and spread my"
    "Legs."
    "Get out there and spread my legs?"
    "Well, either way…"
    "No. Not either way. Only wings." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E03)
  • Gina's countdown technique involves ending with the last names of famous Marks. The final challenge? "On your mark… Get Seth… Rogen!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E03)
  • The first trough victim is Oswald Cobblepot on Gotham (The Walking Dead, S05E01)
  • "I got a beer."
    "Where in the world did you find that?"
    "In the refrigerator.
    "Huh. Must have been left by one of the Mexicans." (The Affair, S01E01)
  • Oswald Cobblepot lost the role of Todd on Breaking Bad to Jesse Plemons (Gotham, S01E04)
  • Siouxsie and the Banshees! (Gotham, S01E04)


Sal Maroni celebrates with a giant steak (Gotham, S01E04)


Josh Reddick bombs Chrisley (WWE Raw, 10-13-14)

  • "Are you just eating a bowl of jelly?" (New Girl, S04E05)
  • "Nothing sadder than a freaky Thursday." (Black-ish, S01E04)
  • "Where are you going?"
    "I don't know. Maybe St. Petersburg, where they have real caramel corn." (American Horror Story, S04E02)


(American Horror Story, S04E02)

  • "Never give power to the big man." (Peaky Blinders, S02E03)
  • "Jewish women, for you, are off the fuckin' menu." (Peaky Blinders, S02E03)
  • "The use of attractive people isn't going anywhere." (Shark Tank, S06E05)
  • John Hodgman! (The Knick, S01E10)
  • "Nothing breaks a man like a good cock punch." (The Knick, S01E10)
  • "I can read left to right, not just up and down." (The Knick, S01E10)
  • Heroin – heh (The Knick, S01E10)
  • The Knick Season Grade: B
  • "Think warm thoughts. Think of a fire."
    "Gah. I thought of a cold fire!" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E11)
  • "The National gets their check." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E11)
  • "Secretary of the Office: I nominate Ellie Kemper." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E11)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


41. Hatsune Miku (Late Show with David Letterman, 10-09-14)


Stray Observations

  • "I like tacos! [fart]" (Bob's Burgers, S05E01)
  • "I just want to go home and crawl into bed and have a good long dutch oven cry." (Bob's Burgers, S05E01)
  • "Also, I'm just an uncle so, no biggie." (Bob's Burgers, S05E01)
  • "You embarrassed me in front of Derek Jeter."
    "You embarrassed yourssssself in front of Derek Jeter." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E02)


Young Nucky's teeth (Boardwalk Empire, S05E05)

  • "I, for one, refuse to be ruled by fear."
    "Husband!"
    "Coming dear." (Boardwalk Empire, S05E05)
  • RT: "The Strain put a LOT of effort into disguising Massey Hall as some joint in Tribeca" (The Strain, S01E13)
  • The Strain Season Grade: C+
  • "The Balloonman gon' get ya." (Gotham, S01E03)


Meanwhile, at Wayne Manor… (Gotham, S01E03)

  • The Driver Season Grade: C-
  • "He called a scotch on the rocks a 'sco-ro.'" (New Girl, S04E04)
  • "It looks like a little tiny pigeon's egg."
    "Don't you wanna hatch the bird?" (New Girl, S04E04)
  • "I hate when Schmidt cries. He sounds like a ghost singing 'Hey Ya.'" (New Girl, S04E04)
  • Matador Season Grade: C+
  • "If laughter's the best medicine, then you're grape-flavoured Triaminic." (Modern Family, S06E03)
  • "The nod is on the same primal level as a baby waving 'hi' – as a man scrunching up his face when a woman with a big butt walks by."
    "This is basic stuff."
    "Even the butt thing?"
    "Especially the butt thing. Basic black." (Black-ish, S01E03)
  • Will continuity continue all season? (South Park, S18E03)
  • "Salami vise." (The League, S06E06)
  • "It's Lucky Strike. It's good for you." (American Horror Story, S04E01)
  • Lobster hand shocker (American Horror Story, S04E01)


Meep the Geek (American Horror Story, S04E01)

  • "I once carried out my own personal form of stigmata on an Italian. I pushed his face up against a trench, shoved a six-inch nail up his fuckin' nose, and I hammered it home with a duckboard. It was fuckin' biblical, mate." (Peaky Blinders, S02E02)
  • "I'm standing my ground!" (Black Jesus, S01E10)
  • Black Jesus Season Grade: C


(The Amazing Race, S25E03)

  • Sons of GameStop (Shark Tank, S06E04)
  • "There's the Emotionals, the Foodies, the Hasidics, and Gryffindor." (Saturday Night Live, S40E03)
  • "Dan Cortese." (Saturday Night Live, S40E03)
  • "Here's a joke: GOD." (Saturday Night Live, S40E03)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


40. Don Hertzfeldt's Couch Gag (The Simpsons, S26E01)


Honourable Mention

  • Caught masturbating (Black-ish, S01E02)
  • Munchie T (Black Jesus, S01E09)

Stray Observations

  • "We gotta carry him 'cause he can't fly on his own. We let that other guy try and look what happened." (Family Guy, S13E01)
  • "I kidnapped all your enemies – Nelson, Jimbo, Principal Skinner, Sideshow Bob, Apu. I know Apu's not your enemy, but I just wanted to say 'I took Apu.'" (Family Guy, S13E01)
  • "We're gonna make it!"
    "Trust me, we're not." (Family Guy, S13E01)
  • "We've had all the fights we're going to have." (Boardwalk Empire, S05E04)
  • Hacking the emergency broadcast system with a G-Drive (The Strain, S01E12)
  • Perfect Bacon Bowl ad (The Strain, S01E12)
  • Masters of Sex Season Grade: C+


(WWE Raw, 09-29-14)

  • Bruce Wayne listening to Swedish metal (Gotham, S01E02)
  • Bruce Wayne cutting himself (Gotham, S01E02)
  • "Are you part of the wedding industry?" (Sleepy Hollow, S02E02)
  • "Do you know what happens when you break a lion's heart?"
    "Did it go to live with a warthog and a meerkat?" (Bad Education, S03E03)
  • "Just doing E, watching that show Ed." (New Girl, S04E03)


Dina's nerd goblin (Face Off, S07E11)

  • Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson – this episode is a New Radicals song (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
  • "Althea? Guess your folks were hoping for a black baby." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
  • "Tiggy, you and me, back door."
    "Giggity." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)
  • Tig and Boyd Crowder kiss – there is no box (Sons of Anarchy, S07E04)


(The Bridge, S02E13)

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

39. Bono's daughter's night with Clive Owen (The Knick, S01E07)

Magnificent — Soderbergh firing on all cylinders.


Honourable Mention

  • The tunnel (The Strain, S01E11)
  • That sound and that gesture (The League, S06E04)
  • Army running cadence (Key and Peele, S04E01)
  • Marvel can't fail (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)

Stray Observations

  • "CBS doesn't like dildos." (Masters of Sex, S02E11)
  • Mrs. Martinez is unbearable (The Strain, S01E11)
  • "Now I know another way to kill them."
    "Next outing, you carry the power transformer." (The Strain, S01E11)
  • Cracked iPhone screen – womp womp (The Strain, S01E11)
  • The Master's make-up – woof (The Strain, S01E11)


(Mr. Pickles, S01E01)

  • "He no rape me. But if you don't rape me, I tell them you rape me!" (Mr. Pickles, S01E01)
  • "That pill head looney bird." (Gotham, S01E01)
  • Timothy Busfield as Benjamin Franklin (Sleepy Hollow, S02E01)
  • "If pot were a piano, Nick would be a nine-year-old Chinese girl." (New Girl, S04E02)
  • "We have more work to do than the Kings of Leon. Good band, but it feels like they are stuck in one place musically." (New Girl, S04E02)
  • Wizard Wars Season Grade: C+
  • Field hockey? How does his son not play lacrosse? (Black-ish, S01E01)
  • Nathan Fielder and Seth Rogen, together again (The League, S06E04)
  • Holy short-haired, clean-shaven Jason Mantzoukas! (The League, S06E04)
  • Look at these fucking guest stars: Nathan Fielder, June Diane Raphael, Jorma Taccone, David Krumholtz, Steve Little, Jerry Minor, Andrew Daly, Lizzy Caplan… (The League, S06E04)


Jerry Jones (South Park, S18E01)

  • "The world can only bear so much before sunderance." (The Bridge, S02E12)
  • "I need to go to the ATM first." (The Bridge, S02E12)
  • Aaaand Linder goes out like a chump (The Bridge, S02E12)
  • "Peter Atencio." (Key and Peele, S04E01)
  • "Belly full of toes." (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E02)


(The Knick, S01E07)

  • Ambushing viewers with an arm amputation (The Knick, S01E07)
  • Darrell Hammond as announcer will take some getting used to (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)
  • Pete Davidson is the first SNL cast member born in the 1990s (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)
  • "Devin Peters, Stanford." (Saturday Night Live, S40E01)

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

38. Fausto makes a hostage video (The Bridge, S02E11)


Stray Observations

  • "WHY MUST IT ALWAYS BE PANDEMONIUM?!" (Boardwalk Empire, S05E02)
  • MasterChef Season Grade: C
  • "Mein Kampf was the name of John Barrowman's autobiography…?" (Bad Education, S03E01)
  • "Do guys still like an Oakland face with an L.A. booty?" (New Girl, S04E01)
  • "Looks like Jeffrey and Lauren want us to share in their joy. How 'bout they share in my chocolate pocket?"
    "What does that mean?!"
    "In my butt!" (New Girl, S04E01)


Drew's serpent soldier make-up (Face Off, S07E09)

  • RT: "Ah yes. Terrible music during a chase scene. A proud SOA tradition." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E02)
  • "I am done playing by nigger rules!" (Sons of Anarchy, S07E02)
  • "I'm only reading it to attract a Mormon. I heard their lungs are perfect for transplants." (Red Band Society, S01E01)
  • "Luck isn't getting what you want; it's surviving what you don't want." (Red Band Society, S01E01)
  • "I will hasten him off this planet." (The Bridge, S02E11)
  • "Yeast Mode." (The League, S06E03)
  • "Children-friendly Watts." (Black Jesus, S01E07)


(Black Jesus, S01E07)

#clipoftheweek


[sigh] Alright. Here we go…

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

37. Sharpie Card Trick (Wizard Wars, S01E04)

WUT.


Honourable Mention

  • The anguish of Rosarita (Matador, S01E09)
  • Wheelchair drag (Sons of Anarchy, S07E01)

Stray Observations

  • The host is Bizarro cartoonist Dan Piraro?! (Utopia, S01E01)
  • String instrument Metallica! (The Leftovers, S01E10)
  • The Leftovers Season Grade: B-
  • Sex in a Beastie Boys shirt (The Strain, S01E09)
  • RT: "Juice ducked off in the cut eating tuna out the can and doing naked pushups in the dark. Crazy as cat shit." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E01)
  • David Wallace! (The Bridge, S02E10)


(Top Chef Duels, S01E06)

#clipoftheweek


Next year, I'm just gonna live in Toronto for the month of September – and Philadelphia for the month of August. And Seattle for July…