Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

38. Truth or dare? (Better Things, S02E01)


Stray Observations

  • ♫: Vince Staples – "Big Fish" (Insecure, S02E08)
  • ♫: TOBi – "Hidden Fences" (Insecure, S02E08)
  • ♫: Opening with Tyler, the Creator and closing with Frank Ocean (Insecure, S02E08)
  • Insecure Season Grade: B-
  • Preacher Season Grade: C-
  • "That's the pistol Nicole used in Cold Mountain." (American Horror Story, S07E02)
  • "Lesbians! We're under attack!" (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "He even went to Standing Rock with Matt McGorry. They got into a fight over who's more woke."
    "It's Matt McGorry, right?"
    "Obviously." (You're the Worst, S04E03)
  • ♫: Nick Monaco – "Lovers Do" (You're the Worst, S04E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

37. Ball and Glove (Twin Peaks, S03E17)


Stray Observations

  • "You've gone soft in your old age."
    "Not where it counts, buddy." (Twin Peaks, S03E17)
  • "Catch you…with my death bag." (Twin Peaks, S03E17)
  • "One for the grandkids." (Twin Peaks, S03E17)
  • "It's a good thing we made so many sandwiches." (Twin Peaks, S03E17)
  • "See you at the curtain call." (Twin Peaks, S03E17)
  • Disposing of guns in a deep fryer (Twin Peaks, S03E18)
  • The woman in Laura Palmer's house is played by the woman who owns the house in real life (Twin Peaks, S03E18)
  • Twin Peaks Season Grade: B
  • "I'm-a spray his face with cum eggs." (Insecure, S02E07)
  • Garrett's buttery ranch and caramel crisp popcorn (Insecure, S02E07)
  • "Must've been a sale on denim." (Insecure, S02E07)
  • Más Malo (Insecure, S02E07)
  • "I wasn't staring at it, Cassidy. I was noticing it."
    "Noticing the floor finger without a wonder in the world." (Preacher, S02E12)
  • "That's a pretty far-fetched theory, Cassidy, even for you."
    "I'm telling you, mate. If you watch that movie again, you'll see. Tyler Durden does exist."
    "You're saying the twist to Fight Club is there is no twist?"
    "Exactly."
    "How do you figure that?"
    "Because nobody listens to ugly people, padre. If you're gonna inspire an anti-materialistic organization with worldwide designs on erasing global debt, you gotta look like Brad Pitt."
    "Well, hold on now. I wouldn't exactly call Edward Norton ugly."
    […]
    "…instrumental in 37 covert Dutch ops just this last year alone."
    "Dutch ops?"
    "Oh, yeah!"
    "Well, the Dutch foreskin plant must be booming."
    "Every country doesn't have their own foreskin plant. The Netherlands are the leading consumers in the foreskin market – 10 to 1. They buy so much of the shite. Half goes to waste, so they end up they sneaking the excess into toothpaste and into baby formula. Like how Brad Pitt, how he sells the fat lady soap to rich ladies."
    "You mean Edward Norton?"
    "No, I mean Brad Pitt, because he does exist. Look, the point is, the Netherlands are like a sexy Tyler Durden and someone's gotta stop them."
    "Come on, Cass. That can't be true."
    "Widespread reports – substantiated reports, to be honest."
    "Well, if it makes it taste better, then what's the harm in it?"
    "It's foreskin into baby formula!" (Preacher, S02E12)
  • "Try some of this."
    [coughs]
    "What? Too much Neosporin?" (Preacher, S02E12)
  • Dan Quayle book (Preacher, S02E12)
  • Evan Peters humping his television (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "Oh, go to hell, Huffington Post! Fuck you, Nate Silver!" (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "And who's at 40,000 votes and counting? Jill Stein!" (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "Why is wrong with CNN for not giving us a trigger warning before they announced the results?" (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • Evan Peters with blended cheese puffs on his face (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "There is nothing more dangerous in this world than a humiliated man." (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "When I got into the booth, I couldn't do it. I tried! You know that I did! But as much as I hate him, I didn't trust her!"
    "But Jill Stein?" (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "Proudest moment of my life is when Lena Dunham retweeted me." (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • ♫: Esther Holt – "What You Know" (You're the Worst, S04E01)
  • ♫: The Cranberries – "Zombie" (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • "It was just a long con to prank me by someone who I did wrong – probably Jason Mraz for when I called him a fedora-wearing diarrhea." (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • "I could read people like a deck of cards, and you're holding the Q of clovers." (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • ♫: Barenaked Ladies – "One Week" (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • "She Canada-rapped at me." (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • ♫: Caveboy – "Home Is Where" (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • ♫: Lee Moses – "California Dreaming" (Snowfall, S01E10)
  • Snowfall Season Grade: C
  • "I put all of the death metal CDs on one shelf, from the simple bands like Obituary and Cannibal Corpse on the left, to melodic and technical death in the middle, followed by death/black and grind/death and death cross-overs, and then I put the industrial death, folk death, and barely death at the end. And then, the next shelf was for black metal through the whole Norwegian scene, like Mayhem and Burzum, through the un-black, and then the not-really-black-but-sorta-fits, like Cradle of Filth." (Halt and Catch Fire, S04E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


36. Televised Murder (WWE Raw, 08-28-17)


Stray Observations

  • ♫: Eddie Vedder (Twin Peaks, S03E16)
  • ♫: "Audrey's Dance" in reverse (Twin Peaks, S03E16)
  • Theon invulnerable to a crotch kick (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • Snowfall (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • "What happened to you beyond the Wall?"
    "I became the Three-Eyed Raven."
    "Oh! [pause] I don't know what that means." (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • "You saw this in a vision?"
    [Bran holds up scroll]
    "Oh." (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • Game of Thrones Season Grade: B-
  • West Boast shirt (Insecure, S02E06)
  • ♫: HERO – "The Juice" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • ♫: NAO – "Feels Like" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • "Uh, Issa?"
    [Issa nods]
    "Issa carpool!" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • "Hey, can you change it to a black station?" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • "Hey, Rick, are you familiar with 'ben wa' technology?" (Rick and Morty, S03E06)
  • ♫: Chaos Chaos – TerryFold [feat. Justin Roiland] (Rick and Morty, S03E06)
  • "I hear Vancouver's great, you know? It's got good meth and nice hiking." (Preacher, S02E11)
  • "She like the new Jeff." (MasterChef, S08E14)
  • "I've seen more appetizing diapers." (MasterChef, S08E14)
  • "I've been meaning to get this."
    "It's a book a dog wrote." (The Tick, S01E04)
  • "Arthur, this man is having an argument with his boat."
    "Excuse me, blue person. I'm not his boat. We just live together." (The Tick, S01E05)
  • "Alexa, play ominous music" (The Tick, S01E06)
  • The Tick Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

35. Otis Blues (Twin Peaks, S03E15)


Stray Observations

  • ♫: ZZ Top – "Sharp Dressed Man" (Twin Peaks, S03E15)
  • ♫: The Veils – "Axolotl" (Twin Peaks, S03E15)
  • "Walking's good, fighting's better, fucking's best." (Game of Thrones, S07E06)
  • "Gingers are beautiful. We are kissed by fire." (Game of Thrones, S07E06)
  • Ice dragon (Game of Thrones, S07E06)
  • ♫: Leikeli47 – "Money" (Insecure, S02E05)
  • "Hotation." (Insecure, S02E05)
  • Trying to get out of jury duty with a Black Lives Matter shirt (Insecure, S02E05)
  • Walt and Rose from Lost (Insecure, S02E05)
  • "See, the thing is, I'm a DC guy." (Insecure, S02E05)
  • ♫: Jazmine Sullivan × Bryson Tiller – "Insecure" (Insecure, S02E05)
  • The Roosevelt (Insecure, S02E05)
  • ♫: Nick Hakim – "Needy Bees" (Insecure, S02E05)


Jeff Goldblum (Rick and Morty, S03E05)

  • "Is that a…hoof collage?" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "You have wondered what your life could have been without Rick?"
    "Wondered? Sure. I mean, I've wondered about having a vagina."
    […]
    "You're asking me to lure Rick to his death?"
    "I'm only asking you to go on a ride with Rick, get off the ride without Rick, and go home to your family, where you can…wonder about having a vagina."
    "Okay, okay, that was a very specific example pulled from thin air." (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Give that button a push."
    "Okay!"
    "We're freeeeee!"
    "Okay, so, I pushed the button, and three little men ran out. What do I do next?" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Mama's coming, and she cares about your titties!" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Go back to your quietly ashamed family and live out the rest of your days in denial of your vagina fantasies."
    "It was a one-time thought that everyone has!" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Cosmic apotheosis wears off faster than salvia."
    "I'm starting to believe you, because I just finished merging with your essence for an endless epoch and I'm already back to thinking you're an asshole."
    "Fine with me. Let's just go our separate ways. Sounds like you and the word 'epoch' have a lot of catching up to do." (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "I'm over here answering our destiny. Come on over. It's good, it's warm. It's like the inside of bread."
    "I'm not gonna get inside of bread with you." (The Tick, S01E01)
  • "Watch out! She shoots glass eyes." (The Tick, S01E02)
  • "You cannot borrow a poncho. This is not a poncho library." (The Tick, S01E02)
  • ♫: 311 – "Come Original" (The Tick, S01E02)
  • "You're, uh…better than a Swiffer." (The Tick, S01E02)
  • "Irradiated Landscaper Identified." (The Tick, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

34. Whitney Houston, we have a problem (Claws, S01E10)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Coffee time!" (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "And last night, I had another Monica Bellucci dream." (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "Monica was very pleasant." (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • RT: Whilst Jake was still at university, his original 2010 viral accents [YouTube] video caught the attention of David Lynch, who promptly got in touch to discuss a potential role for Jake in one of his upcoming projects. Jake then kept in regular contact with Lynch on Skype. (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "Honey! Call 9-1-1! We got a dead one at the bar." (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • ♫: Lissie – "Wild West" (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • RT: Anyone else see the audience for James in Part 13 was the same for the band in Part 14? (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "Nothing fucks you harder than time." (Game of Thrones, S07E05)
  • "Okay, you know, I'm not trying to call Jenn out or anything, but she's always at that Messianic place square-dancing with that rabbi dude. You know, coming back with that…certain smell? You know, like, yard onions and conditioner?" (Claws, S01E10)
  • Claws Season Grade: C
  • "I'm a Villanova guy." (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "Do you like The Weeknd?" (Insecure, S02E04)


(Insecure, S02E04)

  • "Your black cock feels so good in my white pussy!" (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "You know who could fuck? LaMarcus." (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "Nothing but float!" (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "What I wanna talk to you about is the seriousness of Lion King in this day and age." (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "Rick, is this a Saw thing? Are you seriously Saw-ing the Vindicators?" (Rick and Morty, S03E04)
  • Logic (Rick and Morty, S03E04)
  • "Meanwhile, I have a rape fantasy." (Preacher, S02E09)
  • RZA (Snowfall, S01E07)
  • Every Time I Die (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E03)
  • ♫: Jackal – "Animal Style" (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E03)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Insecure

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


33. Oh Boy, Dany (Game of Thrones, S07E04)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Giant screen (Twin Peaks, S03E13)


(Twin Peaks, S03E13)

  • Big Ed (Twin Peaks, S03E13)
  • Double R franchises (Twin Peaks, S03E13)
  • One hit wonder James (Twin Peaks, S03E13)
  • "Who taught you how to do that?"
    "No one." (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • "How many men do we have in the north to fight him? 10,000? Less?"
    "Fewer." (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • "Ser Davos, Lord Snow."
    "King Snow, isn't it? No, that doesn't sound right. King Jon?" (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • Noah Syndergaard (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • "Virginia loves me. She loves me, and she helps me when I get upset, and I help her too, and she may have food issues that place her on the autistic spectrum, so we're an excellent match. Also, I love sex." (Claws, S01E09)
  • Sterling K. Brown (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "Hey, did we ever finish watching that Shark Tank from last week? See, I wish Daymond could be in every episode. I don't know why they make him alternate with that Peter Pan-looking white lady." (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "Um, I was thinking, would you mind if I titty-fucked you?"
    "Uh, I'd like to respectfully decline."
    "Okay, well, thank you for being so respectful." (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "You a fuck nigga who thinks he's a good dude." (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "Is this the first part of some kind of magic trick?"
    "I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eyeliner." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "We have 34 armed guards and we can't kill a pickle?" (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "You're an intelligent pickle." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "Why didn't you want to come here?"
    "Because I don't respect therapy. Because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle…when I feel like it."
    "Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse, and I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk, to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet, you are dripping with rat blood and feces, your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass, because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is, it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just…work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people, well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • Susan Sarandon (Rick and Morty, S03E03)


(WWE Raw, 08-07-17)

  • "I'm Maxine North-Carmichael."
    "You hyphenated? Lord, even your name is a threesome." (The Carmichael Show, S03E12)
  • "Cynthia, the diamond trade is vicious and destructive, so if you see a diamond on a ring, that means somebody in Africa died to get that."
    "Oh, well, if the ring is in the store, then whoever got the diamond is already dead. So you saying you want these Africans to have died for nothing?"
    "Yeah, Maxine. You always telling us to recycle, and here you wasting dead Africans." (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • "Oh, thank you, ma'am." (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • "Isn't it ironic that black people were brought here in chains, and then as soon as we get money, we put them on again?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • "Why does money make this family throw food in the trash? You know there are starving kids in Africa."
    "Make up your mind about these Africans, Maxine. Are they dead or are they starving?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • The Carmichael Show Season Grade: B-
  • Brandon Wardell as Skrillex (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E02)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Game of Thrones
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


32. Fashion Peaks (WWE SmackDown LIVE, 08-01-17)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, rightful heir to the Iron Throne, rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains."
    [pause]
    "This is Jon Snow."
    [pause]
    "He's King in the North." (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "Does she like it gentle or rough? A finger in the bum?" (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "But a wise man once said that you should never believe a thing simply because you want to believe it."
    "Which wise man said this?"
    "I don't remember."
    "Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?" (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "But as a good friend of mine once said, 'Give me 10 good men and I'll impregnate the bitch.'" (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me." (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "Does it always have to be about you?"
    "Uh, yes, girl. I'm a millennial." (Claws, S01E08)
  • "Let's rock!" (Twin Peaks, S03E12)
  • Audrey Horne! (Twin Peaks, S03E12)
  • ♫: Boogie – "No Way" (Insecure, S02E02)
  • Frank Ocean phone case (Insecure, S02E02)
  • "I just didn't know what to do, so I stressed watched the documentary 13th." (Insecure, S02E02)
  • "Rick, didn't you say you needed my help on an adventure immediately somewhere else, I don't care, even if it might kill us?"
    "I did not, but if you're really that alienated, I'm as willing to exploit it as the next guy, church, army, or Olympic gymnastics trainer." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "Aw, jeez, my sister died in the spaghetti." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "No union built on running from your problems lasts more than five years, seven tops." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "Remote override engaged. No! Yes. Bypassing override! I am aliiiiiiiii… Hello." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "The Samson Unit of The Grail handles the false prophets – contenders to Christ's throne. Our job is to rid the world of their competing narratives: Charlemagne, Lincoln, Belushi, you name it." (Preacher, S02E07)


(Preacher, S02E07)


(What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)

  • "Are we? Posers that press a button?"
    "No. We're shamanic healers offering glimpses of enlightenment through music." (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)
  • "What's lamer than a DJ war?"
    "Tom Hiddleston, but he's a friend of mine." (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)
  • Written by James Van Der Beek! (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)
  • "I'm going to Tower Video."
    "Great! Why don't you go to a B. Dalton Bookseller on the way, while you're at it?" (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E01)
  • Andre's apartment on The League (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E01)
  • "He called me once but then hung up."
    "How'd you know it was him?"
    "Star 69." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E02)
  • "This buyer you speak of is coming for your camp today, but they'll come for ours tomorrow, itching to build B. Dalton Booksellers or a Circuit City or a Blockburster Verdio." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E03)
  • "You know what people like her do with summer camps, Beth? They turn them into B. Dalton Booksellers." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E03)
  • "It should look like Edward James Olmos." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E04)
  • Jason Schwartzman drumming (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E04)
  • "A makeover? Do you know how to do that?"
    "What do you think I've been taking night classes at Barbizon for? To pass the time?" (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E05)
  • ♫: Animotion – "Obsession" (Comrade Detective, S01E01)
  • "I think there's been an intruder!"
    "I'm sure it's nothing, ma'am. It's just a neighbour's misguided attempt at redistributing Nikita's wealth. Don't worry. Go back to bed." (Comrade Detective, S01E01)
  • "What is this?"
    "It's a Western game. After the financial collapse of America, the Great Depression of 1929, the populace began to lose faith in their capitalist system."
    "So they invented this game to rebuild trust. It's called Monopoly."
    "And how do you play?"
    "So each rectangle represents a piece of property. The object of the game is to purchase the property and hope your opponent lands on the property that you own."
    "Why?"
    "That way, they pay you rent. The more rent you get paid, the more money you make, the more properties you purchase."
    "And when your opponents have no money left and are completely in your debt, then, and only then, do you win the game."
    "You're telling me that the purpose of this game is to drive your fellow citizens into poverty so that you may get rich? It's diabolical."
    "It's just a game."
    "Nowadays, the West finds it as a useful tool to indoctrinate young children into the capitalist system." (Comrade Detective, S01E02)
  • "Great. You happy? Not even our health care system can save him now." (Comrade Detective, S01E02)
  • "Bean soup is a delicacy." (Comrade Detective, S01E03)
  • ♫: Gleaming Spires – "Are You Ready for the Sex Girls" (Comrade Detective, S01E03)
  • "My AIDS! My contagious AIDS!" (Comrade Detective, S01E04)
  • "As the United States grows, it's profiting off slavery, off the working poor, off immigrants. They even put their own children to work. And how do they justify these atrocities? One word: God. They justify every awful thing they do with the word of God." (Comrade Detective, S01E04)
  • "You can keep your invisible hand. I've got an iron fist." (Comrade Detective, S01E06)
  • Comrade Detective Season Grade: B-

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

31. There Will Be Bloods (Insecure, S02E01)


Honourable Mention

  • Karvel escaping the boot of the car through the back seat (Snowfall, S01E04)

Stray Observations

  • "Incompetence should not be rewarded with blind loyalty." (Game of Thrones, S07E02)
  • Cutting from Sam's surgery to the pie at the inn at the crossroads (Game of Thrones, S07E02)
  • "A foreign invasion is underway." (Game of Thrones, S07E02)


(Game of Thrones, S07E02)

  • "He's dead." (Twin Peaks, S03E11)
  • Honking (Twin Peaks, S03E11)
  • "Dirty bearded mean in a room." (Twin Peaks, S03E11)
  • ♫: Shawn Colvin – "Viva Las Vegas" (Twin Peaks, S03E11)


(Twin Peaks, S03E11)


(Twin Peaks, S03E11)

  • "This pie is so damn good."
    "Damn good." (Twin Peaks, S03E11)
  • "My pullout is straight 100, brother." (Ballers, S03E01)
  • "You know I saw you on your game the other night at International Smoke." (Ballers, S03E01)
  • "You know, my Slyce digital media company." (Ballers, S03E01)
  • "Just trying to get you in the mile high club." (Ballers, S03E01)
  • Steve Guttenberg (Ballers, S03E01)
  • ♫: Goldlink – "Crew [feat. Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy]" (Insecure, S02E01)
  • ♫: Jorja Smith – "February 3rd" (Insecure, S02E01)
  • "My cousin got a Westside Rentals password if you want that." (Insecure, S02E01)
  • Habanero Oreos (Insecure, S02E01)
  • "We hope you enjoyed this edition of American Psychopaths. Join us next time for chapter 58: Dick Cheney." (Preacher, S02E06)
  • "Okay, what do you think of this song for my dance?"
    [♫: The Verve Pipe – "The Freshmen"]
    "Okay, Maxine, what the hell was that?"
    "What?"
    "Just the fact that you know that song reminds me that we had very different childhoods."
    "Well, if I'm gonna be stripping, it needs to be to something emotional."
    "Strip clubs are depressing enough when they're playing Drake!" (The Carmichael Show, S03E10)
  • "I'm trying to work on my stripper name. So, what do you like better: Double Dip or Wet Sprinkle?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E10)
  • "Maxine, why you look like a prostitute Inspector Gadget?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E10)
  • "Everybody likes to borrow things from black culture 'cause we so fun and cool." (The Carmichael Show, S03E10)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

30. Fun with Doug and Jane (Twin Peaks, S03E10)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "So here I am, with a thousand ships, and two good hands." (Game of Thrones, S07E01)
  • Ed Sheeran (Game of Thrones, S07E01)
  • Thomas Turgoose (Game of Thrones, S07E01)
  • "Where am I supposed to get that kind of money?"
    "Well, go to the bank, get a loan."
    "Oh, Polly-Pol, you see life through Caucasian-coloured glasses." (Claws, S01E06)
  • "It's constructed entirely from pubic hair collected at the Hernando Correctional Institute." (Claws, S01E06)
  • Nadine's silent draper runner store (Twin Peaks, S03E10)


(Twin Peaks, S03E10)

  • Moby (Twin Peaks, S03E10)
  • ♫: Teenage Jesus and the Jerks – "Empty Eyes" (Preacher, S02E05)
  • "We can debate about the dick bit later!" (MasterChef, S08E07)
  • "Every hand-knit sweater is made by a woman who's lost all hope." (The Carmichael Show, S03E09)
  • "Empowerment is not for the elderly. They can barely text. You think they can handle a new identity?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E09)
  • "Did women have self-esteem before Destiny's Child or not?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E09)
  • "This guy ate ice out of her butt."
    "So just because someone puts ice up their butt, you don't trust their judgment? If you're young and hot and you live in L.A., you're shoving ice up your butt." (I'm Sorry, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


29. Gollum Reads Trump's Tweets (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, 07-11-17)


Stray Observations

  • Hudson Mohawke (Twin Peaks, S03E09)
  • Sky Ferreira scratching her armpit rash (Twin Peaks, S03E09)
  • Polly menacingly licking frosting off a cupcake (Claws, S01E05)
  • Frankie Muniz (Preacher, S02E04)
  • Brodus Clay (Preacher, S02E04)
  • "What happened to you, Hitler? You used to be…Hitler!" (Preacher, S02E04)
  • "I know that you're trying to get me to a state of peace, but this meditation thing takes too much time and focus. Hennessy is relaxing immediately!" (The Carmichael Show, S03E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

28. Self Defense (Tour de Pharmacy)

Not safe for work.


Stray Observations

  • "I picked out my new titties, Jen!" (Claws, S01E04)
  • "You don't want to live a life of missionary boredom. You're not that kind of Jew!" (Claws, S01E04)


(Snowfall, S01E01)

  • "Franklin Saint, king of all the white boys." (Snowfall, S01E01)
  • "I give you liquor and you hit me with attitude." (Snowfall, S01E01)
  • "Money ain't nothing but paper with them crackers' faces on it." (Snowfall, S01E01)
  • "He died with his dick out." (Tour de Pharmacy)


(Tour de Pharmacy)

  • "Juwanna Mann is, I think, one of the best films – it's arguably the best…film!" (Tour de Pharmacy)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


27. Big Ballers (WWE Raw, 06-26-17 / Desus and Mero, 06-27-17)


Honourable Mention

  • Shootout (Preacher, S02E01)

Stray Observations

  • The Nine Inch Nails (Twin Peaks, S03E08)
  • "Would this jog your memory, though, particularly if a cop came in asking?"
    "Sure would not."
    "How you like me now, Jeff?"
    "Not much better."
    "What if we add a hummer?" (Claws, S01E03)
  • "Richard, these are real people, with real crotches, and they're burning." (Silicon Valley, S04E10)
  • "I will not do anything illegal nor unethical, and I will not lie. I already have upwards of 50 burnt perinea on my conscience, Richard. That's enough!" (Silicon Valley, S04E10)
  • Silicon Valley Season Grade: C-
  • "The band is getting back together again!"
    "Who CC'd Mike?
    "I get it. I'm Ringo."
    "No, Amy's Ringo. You're Mark David Chapman's bullet." (Veep, S06E10)
  • Veep Season Grade: D+
  • "They do not put foreskins in face creams. You'd feel those itty-bitty foreskins on you!" (Preacher, S02E01)
  • "Could be a shiteload of foreskin in this here ice cream for all we know." (Preacher, S02E02)
  • "You know there's only three options for any random mass shooting: ISIS, racist white, Asian pushed to the brink by his tiger mom." (The Carmichael Show, S03E06)
  • "I'm taping this, just so you know. If you shoot anyone, you probably'll keep your job, but it's gonna be a rough couple of weeks." (The Carmichael Show, S03E06)
  • "Never blow another man noodles!" (Hood Adjacent with James Davis, S01E01)


(Hood Adjacent with James Davis, S01E01)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek


Looking forward:


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

26. Roller's Funeral (Claws, S01E02)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "You don't pay a whore to bang; you pay her to leave." (Claws, S01E02)
  • RT: BRB. Encasing my monitor in wood then installing a series of motors that will allow it to sink into my desk. (Twin Peaks, S03E07)
  • "What'd you say your name was again?"
    "Tammy."
    "Fuck you, Tammy." (Twin Peaks, S03E07)


(Twin Peaks, S03E07)

  • ♫: Brian Reitzell and Debbie Harry – "Tehran 1979" (American Gods, S01E08)
  • "There is no end to the cruelty of men threatened by strong women." (American Gods, S01E08)
  • "Jesus Christ. Are they all Jesuses?" (American Gods, S01E08)
  • Jeremy Davies as Jesus Prime (American Gods, S01E08)
  • "I swear to Jesus. He's right outside." (American Gods, S01E08)
  • "What do you think gods do? They do what they've always done – they fuck with us." (American Gods, S01E08)
  • "Put a pillow over that feeling and bear down until it stops kicking." (American Gods, S01E08)
  • "You should be thrilled, overjoyed, that anyone believes in anything that doesn't have a screen anymore." (American Gods, S01E08)
  • "Tell the believers and the non-believers, tell them we've taken the spring. They can have it back when they pray for it." (American Gods, S01E08)
  • American Gods Season Grade: B-
  • "Don't you need a visa to go to China?"
    "Yes. I can call my uncle in Beijing. He's very corrupt." (Silicon Valley, S04E09)
  • Flula Borg (Silicon Valley, S04E09)


(Silicon Valley, S04E09)

  • "Wasn't the original title of their chart-topping hit 'Virtual Insanity'? Why is he singing 'Virtual Reality'?" (Silicon Valley, S04E09)
  • "Ma'am, the producer of The Tonight Show thought it would be fun if you—"
    "No, you know what? Nothing's fun on that show." (Veep, S06E09)
  • "I've been fired three times in my life: From the U.S. Postal Service Office of Investigations, by the Seattle Seahawks, and by Jonah Ryan."
    "Maybe we could start a new business, take our shit show on the road."
    "Yeah, easier than explaining yards after the catch to Steve Largent." (Veep, S06E09)
  • "Wishes belong in the bottom of a well with unwanted girl children." (Veep, S06E09)
  • "Who is this tranny knuckle-dragger? Somebody you hired to make sure you don't get erections?"
    "That tranny knuckle-dragger is my fiancé!" (Veep, S06E09)
  • The Tonight Show with Adam Scott (Veep, S06E09)
  • Better Call Saul Season Grade: B-
  • "Would like like sparkling water or still?"
    "Now why would you even ask? Of course we'd like the spaahhkling. Mmm! It takes like healthy Sprite!" (The Carmichael Show, S03E05)
  • "At some level, food knows it's food." (Fargo, S03E10)
  • "It is a dangerous world for men of standing. Human beings, you see, have no inherent value other than the money they earn. Cats have value, for example, because they provide pleasure to the humans. But a deadbeat on welfare? Well, they have negative value." (Fargo, S03E10)
  • Fargo Season Grade: B-
  • Annie's boobs (GLOW, S01E01)
  • "The Over-Madames have lied to you. Men are real. We can restore the world to the way it was before the war and women's lib." (GLOW, S01E03)
  • "No, I'm Kuntar, a vision of hideousness." (GLOW, S01E03)
  • Welfare Queen wearing a Burger King crown (GLOW, S01E03)
  • End credits ♫: ??? (GLOW, S01E03)
  • "But what if your gimmick is hugging people?" (GLOW, S01E04)
  • Carlito (GLOW, S01E04)
  • "A survey? About mayonnaise? I always have time for condiments." (GLOW, S01E05)
  • "The heel makes the face." (GLOW, S01E05)
  • "You know, I'm sure when people read your zine, not everyone thinks it's art."
    "Hey, Agnostic Toad is fucking awesome." (GLOW, S01E06)
  • "Oh, I didn't know you were Jewish."
    "I wear a giant chai."
    "Oh… I thought that was a cat." (GLOW, S01E06)
  • Carlito holding an apple (GLOW, S01E07)
  • "Not looking good for the white supremacists." (GLOW, S01E07)
  • "The money's in the chase" (GLOW, S01E10)
  • GLOW Season Grade: B


(Loaded, S01E02)

  • "Watto, if you want a band, just buy one."
    "Buy a band?"
    "He's right. You probably couldn't buy Coldplay, or the Counting Crows, but Weezer… I bet you could buy yourself Weezer." (Loaded, S01E02)
  • "In this country, we all hate Bono."
    "Yeah, I don't even remember why. It's just something you get handed down." (Loaded, S01E02)
  • "We got our own little hipster Bono."
    "That is the worst collection of words in the world." (Loaded, S01E02)
  • "Do you promise you'll go back to Jeff if I buy you cocaine?" (Loaded, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

25. David Bowie followed me on Twitter / Stones do Shakespeare (The Trip [to Spain], S03E03/04)


Honourable Mention

  • Little person ice pick hitman (Twin Peaks, S03E06)
  • Mark's football analogies (Masterchef, S08E03)
  • Ice cream on the toilet (Fargo, S03E09)

Stray Observations

  • "My first studio apartment was a cozy uterus." (Bob's Burgers, S07E22)
  • Diane! (Twin Peaks, S03E06)
  • RT: The ice pick hit man in this week's Twin Peaks was staying at the same motel Gloria Burgle was at earlier this season of Fargo (Twin Peaks, S03E06)
  • ♫: Sharon Van Etten – "Tarifa" (Twin Peaks, S03E06)
  • "I was a king once."
    "Okay."
    "I was. Then they made me a bird. Then Mother Church came along and turned us all into saints, and trolls, and faeries. General Mills did the rest." (American Gods, S01E07)
  • "Oh, I didn't know you had a brother."
    "Bruce was his stillborn twin."
    "He had a huge heart."
    "Missing all its valves, though." (Veep, S06E08)
  • "9-11, bitches! We're gonna fly two planes into the club!" (Veep, S06E08)
  • "Dan, you've heard the old saying, 'You gotta keep your friends close and make your enemies take you out to Guy Fieri's restaurant in Times Square'?" (Veep, S06E08)
  • "He said he talked to Quartie, who said he took to you like a hog to persimmons."
    "Is that a good thing?"
    "Well, they cause diarrhea in hogs." (Veep, S06E08)
  • The Handmaid's Tale Season Grade: C+
  • "The problem is not that there is evil in the world; the problem is that there is good. Because otherwise, who would care?" (Fargo, S03E09)
  • "When she said he makes chorizo like his grandmother, is that what she looked like?"
    "No, Rob. It means the way his grandmother used to make it."
    "Fine, well, I think she should be more clear, because I'm picturing a grizzled old woman with the external appearance of chorizo." (The Trip [to Spain], S03E02)
  • "I was a grown man before I felt a firm sprout in my mouth." (The Trip [to Spain], S03E03)
  • "Eddie Redmayne, the name, is the sort of name that an upper middle class girl would give to her pony. 'Father [it's a chestnut mare], may I ride Eddie Redmayne this weekend?' 'You may, darling. Would you like me to get Mr. Hiddleston out of the stable too?" (The Trip [to Spain], S03E04)
  • The Trip [to Spain] Season Grade: C-

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

24. Pine Barrens (Fargo, S03E08)


Honourable Mention

  • Trippin' Becky (Twin Peaks, S03E05)
  • Ed Chambers (Silicon Valley, S04E07)
  • Bowling Alley (Fargo, S03E08)

Stray Observations

  • "People hold candles, Nora." (The Leftovers, S03E08)
  • ♫: Otis Redding – "I've Got Dreams to Remember" (The Leftovers, S03E08)
  • "It's great that your newlyweds believe that a bird with a range of 50 miles is gonna carry their stupid poetry to Timbuktu, but don't sell that bullshit to me."
    "I'm not trying to sell you anything. It's just a nicer story." (The Leftovers, S03E08)
  • RT: the end credits rolled to the sound of pachelbel's canon and it didn't feel cheesy. this is skillful. (The Leftovers, S03E08)
  • The Leftovers Season Grade: B+
  • "I've done the math. This times that equals you're a cunt, divided by the only way I'm gonna get what I need is if you give it to me, equals the only way you're gonna give it to me is if you don't need it. Like my friend Jesus Christ, the only thing you need, dead wife, is resurrection."
    "Did you just name-drop Jesus Christ like you know a guy who knows a guy?" (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "There's always been a god-shaped hole in man's head." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "Religion inspires in those who fear nothing fear of the gods, and using that fear requires a certain element of fucked up." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "Did you have a genie in your bottle?" (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "Shame is the reason dead people only go out at night." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "Your kind of love, dead wife, is the grandest butt-fuckin' of 'em all. You can love somebody even when you know they don't like it, even when you know they don't want it. That's some profound knowledge for you right there, wrapped up in a quaint sexual metaphor." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "Neutral, in the face of injustice, is on the side of the oppressor." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "God is great."
    "Life is great." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • Mr. C's face warping into Bob's (Twin Peaks, S03E05)
  • Frank discovering green tea lattes (Twin Peaks, S03E05)


(Twin Peaks, S03E05)

  • "Limp Biscuit's an old frat ritual, where all the brothers race to stroke one out onto a biscuit, and then the last guy to nut has to eat it."
    "Right. Sometimes it's a Wheat Thin." (Silicon Valley, S04E07)
  • "May I borrow this hammer to pound in these flamboyant little nails?"
    "Those are screws." (Silicon Valley, S04E07)
  • When Kim shuts the door to her office, Francesca pulling out a travel magazine, only to quickly hide it again when Kim unexpectedly re-appears (Better Call Saul, S03E08)
  • "But ma, you used to be so active. You had all those hobbies."
    "Oh, I didn't like that stuff, I just wanted to get out the house to keep your father from beating me. Trust me, every woman in a pottery class is crying out for help." (The Carmichael Show, S03E03)
  • "Grandma wants to go out on top. I mean, wouldn't you have rather seen Michael Jordan retire after hitting that three-pointer against the Jazz in '98 instead of seeing this dude way past his prime in a Wizards jersey? Don't make grandma play for the Wizards." (The Carmichael Show, S03E03)
  • "When we meet Jesus, we're all one. Jesus doesn't see colour."
    "So what colour do you think Jesus is?"
    "Well, I don't really think he's white, but I don't really think he's black either."
    "So you're saying Jesus look like Drake?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E03)
  • Top Chef Canada Season Grade: C+

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

23. Wally Brando (Twin Peaks, S03E04)


Honourable Mention

  • Animated Atsula prologue (American Gods, S01E05)
  • Mr. Jackpots (Twin Peaks, S03E03)
  • Bobby crying at seeing Laura (Twin Peaks, S03E04)

Stray Observations

  • "You know what they say about grief: Next to every cemetery is a motel." (American Gods, S01E05)
  • Gillian Anderson as David Bowie (American Gods, S01E05)
  • "Give me my fucking coin, dead wife." (American Gods, S01E05)
  • "You're a fucking asshole, dead wife." (American Gods, S01E05)
  • Gillian Anderson as Marilyn Monroe (American Gods, S01E05)
  • Media knocking out two of Technical Boy's teeth with a blown kiss (American Gods, S01E05)
  • ♫: Brian Reitzell and Shirley Manson – "Media Bowie" (American Gods, S01E05)
  • ♫: Original main title (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • Penis scanner (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • "Mr. President, due to advancements in plastic surgery, anyone with enough resources can copy a person's face. But your, uh, your penis, sir, well, they're not gonna go to that length." (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • Penis thud (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • "The code is 6969." (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • "What's happening? What was that noise?"
    "I don't know. You tell me. You're God."
    "That was just a pick-up line." (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • ♫: The Beach Boys – "God Only Knows" (The Leftovers, S03E07)


(The Leftovers, S03E07)

  • "Donut disturb" sign (Twin Peaks, S03E03)
  • "You eat the evidence, Lucy?" (Twin Peaks, S03E03)
  • Brett Gelman (Twin Peaks, S03E04)
  • "We're not anywhere near Mount Rushmore!"
    "I brought a picture for you."
    "There they are, Albert. Faces of stone." (Twin Peaks, S03E04)
  • "Agent Preston gets carsick."
    "Albert, we're in South Dakota. Cossacks are in Russia." (Twin Peaks, S03E04)
  • "This is what we found in his trunk: Cocaine, machine gun, dog leg." (Twin Peaks, S03E04)
  • "Why do I have an e-mail for the Anton LaVey fun run?" (Silicon Valley, S04E06)
  • Haley Joel Osment (Silicon Valley, S04E06)
  • ♫: Too $hort × Meter Mobb – "You Came to Party" (Silicon Valley, S04E06)
  • "We need to do something, something big, that makes Montez really pay attention to us."
    "Cutting aid to veterans!"
    "Great! They volunteered, right?" (Veep, S06E07)
  • "Do you want me to 69 him?"
    [pause] "W— Oh, 86." (Veep, S06E07)
  • "Maybe you were too busy biting James Bond's cable car wire to realize." (Veep, S06E07)
  • The Americans Season Grade: C-
  • Man licking the stump of a woman punished with the loss of her hand (The Handmaid's Tale, S01E08)
  • "Bobby, I didn't raise you to be no raper." (The Carmichael Show, S03E01)
  • "Rape or no rape, I think it's rude not to return a text." (The Carmichael Show, S03E01)
  • "You are a sweet boy. You wouldn't even rape a fly." (The Carmichael Show, S03E01)
  • "I mean, I'm not a rapist, but I'm bad at sex. This moment is really bittersweet." (The Carmichael Show, S03E01)
  • "Thank you for your service, you arrogant deadbeat dad." (The Carmichael Show, S03E02)
  • Forms (Fargo, S03E07)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

22. Big Lair (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E02)


Honourable Mention

  • Dane Cook singing "The Weight" while being fellated (American Gods, S01E04)
  • Audrey and Laura in the bathroom (American Gods, S01E04)
  • Is Jessica Simpson okay? (Ellen, 05-22-17)
  • Joe makes love to a life-size cardboard cutout of his dead wife (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E01)

Stray Observations

  • "Say 'hello' to my 50/50 blend." (Bob's Burgers, S07E21)
  • "Teddy, unzip my pickle." (Bob's Burgers, S07E21)
  • Bob's Burgers Season Grade: C
  • "'T.A. Cobell.' His name was Taco Bell?" (Making History, S01E09)
  • Making History Season Grade: C-


(American Gods, S01E04)

  • ♫: Apocalyptica – Metallica's "Wherever I May Roam" (The Leftovers, S03E06)
  • ♫: Gravediggaz – "1-800-Suicide" (The Leftovers, S03E06)
  • Michael Bisping (Twin Peaks, S03E01)
  • Max Perlich (Twin Peaks, S03E01)
  • "Ohh, you're nice and wet." (Twin Peaks, S03E02)
  • ♫: Chromatics playing the roadhouse – "Shadow" (Twin Peaks, S03E02)
  • "James is still cool. He's always been cool." (Twin Peaks, S03E02)
  • "Hey, what do you think of my tie? I designed it myself. I call it 'Yoloha.' It's a combination of 'YOLO' and 'aloha.'"
    "Well, Buzzy, I think it's rad, which is a combination of 'retarded' and 'sad.'" (Veep, S06E06)
  • Sudanese boy wearing a Jonah Ryan for U.S. Congress shirt (Veep, S06E06)
  • "Put Wisconsin at the top of my shit list."
    "You want me to bump Sammy Hagar?"
    "Make them 1A and 1B." (Veep, S06E06)
  • "You look like the world's least fucked geisha." (Veep, S06E06)
  • "Could you tell the Colossus of Chodes that this is the exact same goddamn office?" (Veep, S06E06)
  • Gina's list of baby names (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E21)
  • "Who's the father?"
    "I signed a non-disclosure agreement, which bars me from revealing his identity."
    "Wait, is he famous?"
    "Is it Batali?"
    "Charles, she can't say. Is it Batali?!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E21)
  • "The daddy's a Property Brother, isn't he? It's a Property Baby." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E21)
  • Ryan Phillippe (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E22)
  • "Pizza Rat, dead tonight at the age of four." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E22)
  • "It's like an Eagles concert down there – nothing but whites." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E22)
  • "Please don't address the jury, Mr. Peralta.
    "But, but, but…"
    "One more 'but' and you will be in contempt."
    "One More Butt and You're in Contempt – name of your sex tape." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E22)
  • Scott Aukerman (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E22)
  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season Grade: C
  • Robin Leach and Vicki Lawrence (Great News, S01E09)


(Great News, S01E09)

  • "You need to get back on the horse, like when you were going through your chunky phase and you broke that pony's back at the fair. Did I let you quit? No. I made you get back on another pony and they had to put two ponies down that day." (Great News, S01E10)
  • "Gram is mean A-F. That's a Twitter term, which I can only assume stands for 'mean as Frankenstein.' There is another term, D-T-F: 'Don't touch Frankenstein,' to which I usually just reply W-T-F: 'Won't touch Frankenstein.'" (Great News, S01E10)
  • Great News Season Grade: C-
  • "You have to wear it until he's gone." (The Americans, S05E12)
  • Oleg exteriors filmed on location in Moscow (The Americans, S05E12)
  • ♫: Cigarettes After Sex – "Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby" (The Handmaid's Tale, S01E07)
  • "Shouldn't we… I'm just saying… A more cautious approach. Why not?"
    "Because the shallow end of the pool is where the turds float." (Fargo, S03E06)
  • Varga googles beside a portrait of Stalin, quotes Lenin (Fargo, S03E06)
  • "There's been an accident."
    "Things of consequence rarely happen by accident." (Fargo, S03E06)
  • "Did anyone see you?"
    "I'm so rarely seen, maybe I don't even exist." (Fargo, S03E06)
  • Archer Season Grade: F
  • "When I reach for Scripture, I go for the Book of Job, Psalm 69." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E02)


"I changed Pepe the Frog into a rabbi." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E03)

  • "We should change our name from the White Warlocks to the White Jewlocks." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E03)
  • "The Torah says we must take an eye for an eye."
    "You mean an oy for an oy." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E03)
  • "I say to hell with forgiveness! Let's kill Neon Joe and leave a nice long trail of goy blood, and then repent for the whole thing on Yom Kippur!" (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E03)
  • "Oi, oi, get that goy!" (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E03)


(Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E03)

  • "You show that moon there's more than one glowing cube with dangling nuts in this town." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E04)
  • "Yoo-hoo! Hey, moon! Look at me! Come and get me! I'm a sexy cube too!" (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E04)
  • "I can't believe Turgalak dead. He's supposed to be all-knowing and invincible. First time I met him, he had a burrito waiting for me, knew exactly how I like it: Chorizo and rice, refried bean, sour cream on the side, little salsa verde, pico de gallo, chips and guac, watermelon agua fresca with just a little bit of ice… He even knew that I liked the flour tortilla rather than corn." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E04)
  • "The prophecy says if a werewolf eats the cube's nuts, he will gain its power and rule the world." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E04)
  • "I don't care that you look like a man. You still got a 'giney, and I speak 'ginese." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E04)
  • "I'm lubed up and ready, moon!" (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E05)
  • "I see somebody's been keeping you company while I was gone."
    "Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got the paper cuts on my dick to prove it. Took a while for them to scab up on account of they don't really make Band-Aid for the penile region. Doing them, you know, the knuckle Band-Aid, that work good, but then I gotta, like, pull it down to pee, pull it back up. I went through a whole lotta Band-Aid." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E05)
  • "Oh, babe… You know that I would've used all the dick Band-Aids in the world if I thought I could've saved you." (Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter, S02E05)
  • Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter Season Grade: C

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: American Gods
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

21. World's Best Dad! (Fargo, S03E05)


Honourable Mention

  • Gay Muslim salesman/genie sex scene (American Gods, S01E03)
  • Confrontation with the Granholms (The Americans, S05E11)
  • Rap Song (Saturday Night Live, S42E21)
  • Uber ride home (Master of None, S02E05)

Stray Observations

  • Scott Thompson (American Gods, S01E03)
  • "That woman thinks Jesus suffered for her sins. They're her sins. Why should Jesus do all the suffering?"
    "'Cause his dad sacrificed his ass."
    "Don't blame the parent. Plenty of suffering and blame to go around, although that white Jesus, well, could stand a little more suffering. He's doing very well for himself these days."
    "And how many colours does Jesus come in?"
    "Why, you got your white Jesuit-style Jesus, you got your black African Jesus, you got your brown Mexican Jesus, you got your swarthy Greek Jesus, you've got—"
    "Well, that's a, that's a lot of Jesus."
    "There's a lot of need for Jesus, so, there's a lot of Jesus." (American Gods, S01E03)
  • "This is the only country in the world that wonders what it is."
    "You've been to a lot of other countries, have you?"
    "No, no, never, just this one. Just that the others know what they are. I mean, no one wonders about the heart of Norway or goes searching for the soul of Mozambique. Mozambique knows what it is. They all know what they are."
    "Americans know who they are."
    "They pretend they know." (American Gods, S01E03)
  • ♫: Brian Reitzell and Mark Lanegan – "St. James Infirmary Blues" (American Gods, S01E03)
  • RT: did you notice the ACN [from THE NEWSROOM] logo? (The Leftovers, S03E05)
  • "He wasn't my son."
    "You're denying paternity?!"
    "Mary's word versus mine." (The Leftovers, S03E05)
  • "That's the guy I was telling you about." (The Leftovers, S03E05)


(The Leftovers, S03E05)

  • "Trigger warning: Fuck you!" (Silicon Valley, S04E04)
  • "American University sounds like a made-up college in Egypt!" (Veep, S06E05)
  • "You're as useless as a dick at a roller derby." (Veep, S06E05)
  • "What does Rumpleforeskin want?" (Veep, S06E05)
  • "You want me to just say, 'Cowabunga, mom!'?"
    "Oh, yes, that would be awesome."
    "Well, it's not gonna happen. Alas, we are not cowabunga people." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E19)
  • "Cowabunga, mother!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E19)
  • "It's easy to look at this place and think we're rich now, like that half-naked Scottish duck you boys love." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E23)
  • Chris Elliott (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E23)
  • Fresh Off The Boat Season Grade: C-
  • "I understand why you think some little game is newsworthy, since your last job was at E! co-hosting Fashion 9-1-1."
    "Um, it was Fashion 9/11, and it was immediately cancelled." (Great News, S01E08)
  • "How does the quiet half of the room feel about Gilead?" (The Handmaid's Tale, S01E06)
  • "Please don't be sorry. Please do something." (The Handmaid's Tale, S01E06)
  • "My country is dying."
    "My country is already dead." (The Handmaid's Tale, S01E06)
  • ♫: Adam Taylor – "He's Alive" (The Handmaid's Tale, S01E06)
  • Speechless Season Grade: D+
  • "Enemies are at the gates – inside the gates, fornicating with our cookware!" (Fargo, S03E05)
  • "My mom." (Fargo, S03E05)
  • ♫: Minor Mishap Marching Band – "Track Suit" (Fargo, S03E05)
  • ♫: Jeff Russo and Noah Hawley – "Ship of Fools" (Fargo, S03E05)
  • Joe Buck: "I was born in Florida. Of course I've had a finger in my ass." (Brockmire, S01E08)
  • Brockmire Season Grade: C-


(Saturday Night Live, S42E21)

  • Saturday Night Live Season Grade: C
  • "Can't jerk off in AirBNBs." (Master of None, S02E02)
  • ♫: Kraftwerk – "Computer Love" (Master of None, S02E04)
  • "Sorry I had to cancel on Sunday. I had to tune in for that WWE SummerSlam pay-per-view. […] Dean Ambrose wrestled Samoa Joe for the WWE Championship." (Master of None, S02E04)
  • "You're the son of Scatman?" (Master of None, S02E04)
  • "Favourite taco in New York?"
    "Mm, Los Tacos No.1, the al pastor." (Master of None, S02E05)
  • "Why are white girls always talking about grain bowls?" (Master of None, S02E06)


(Master of None, S02E09)

  • Raven Live! (Master of None, S02E10)
  • "We don't run here at Raven Live!" (Master of None, S02E10)


(Master of None, S02E10)

  • "I mean, I don't think you can see into the future."
    "I know you did not just bring up That's So Raven." (Master of None, S02E10)
  • Master of None Season Grade: B-

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

20. Mr. Nancy (American Gods, S01E02)


Stray Observations

  • "I want to eat your hair." (Making History, S01E08)
  • "I will mount your head on a pike and use it as a hat rack – ugly hats only." (Making History, S01E08)
  • "Any last words, gentlemen?"
    "I did it all for the nookie."
    "Amen." (Making History, S01E08)
  • Gillian Anderson as Lucille Ball (American Gods, S01E02)
  • "I don't want to work for you, I Love Lucy." (American Gods, S01E02)
  • "Hey, you ever wanted to see Lucy's tits?" (American Gods, S01E02)
  • American Boners (American Gods, S01E02)
  • "No cow-killing stories during dinner."
    "How do you think meat get on your plate, huh? It takes strength, but not only strength, it takes talent, because it's a craft. You have to do it right or the cow gets angry, and angry meat taste bad." (American Gods, S01E02)
  • "You're my only black friend." (American Gods, S01E02)
  • ♫: Genghis Barbie – "Take on Me" (The Leftovers, S03E04)
  • "Well, is there anything I can do?"
    "Yes, actually, could you run and go get me some tape?"
    "Oh, I got some right here. Sorry, it's only Scotch, masking, and duct." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E17)
  • "Okay, you guys go see if the smelling salts are over there."
    "Oh, the day I don't bring my salt purse!" (The Last Man on Earth, S03E17)
  • "She's too busy pussing out."
    "Or is she too busy pussing in?" (The Last Man on Earth, S03E17)
  • "There's no easy way to say this, so I'm gonna go ahead and sing it." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E18)
  • "It truly was a Shawshank redemption." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E18)
  • "Oh, the miracle of nipples – nature's horchata." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E18)
  • "Dawn: Australian for 'baby.' Like the first light of the new day, or a dishwashing detergent that cuts through grease like a knife. But that's not a knife, this is a baby. Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda…" (The Last Man on Earth, S03E18)
  • The Last Man on Earth Season Grade: C-
  • "I'm literally the only person in this entire grocery store who's actually buying stuff for myself." (Silicon Valley, S04E03)
  • ♫: Dr. Octagon – "Blue Flowers" (Silicon Valley, S04E03)
  • "I'm just the cream filling in this gayclair." (Veep, S06E04)
  • "Ma'am, Sherman Tanz called again."
    "Oh, God. Where are we with that?"
    "All 'no's."
    "Yeah, just like his face." (Veep, S06E04)
  • Jonah's hold music (Veep, S06E04)
  • "Chocolate chip walnut cookies from Levain." (Veep, S06E04)
  • "You're two hours late."
    "No, that's impossible. I set my watch back for Daylight Savings Time."
    "Saving, not savings."
    "You set your watch the wrong way."
    "It's neither a plural, nor a possessive."
    "No, it's spring. I springed backwards."
    "No, you spring forward!"
    "Have ever watched girls' gymnastics? That makes no sense!" (Veep, S06E04)
  • "Ma'am, New York Times says Montez is naming the nominee today."
    "Eh."
    "Buzzfeed confirms."
    "Oh, my God, really?"
    "Yeah, we should be getting a phone call any minute."
    "Ooh, my heart is racing!"
    "I bet this time, it's just menopause." (Veep, S06E04)
  • Superior Donuts Season Grade: D
  • "That man is full of bologna."
    "Baloney."
    "You're right. He's so vile, we should use the crude Americanization of the word." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E17)
  • "I'm gonna crush you like a can of diet seltzer water." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E17)
  • "Now when people think of the Nine-Nine, they'll think of, um… Oh, Detective Diaz filling an iron with tequila."
    "So I could make tequila steam."
    "I can't quite believe I'm gonna say this, but I'm sorry I even came to Rochester." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E17)
  • "That's right. Imagine a Valentine's Day with no cards from your cousins." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E18)
  • Howard Hesseman (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E22)
  • "My body is a temple, and by that, I mean I let a lot of Jewish guys in." (Great News, S01E05)
  • Directed by Eva Longoria (Black-ish, S03E24)
  • Black-ish Season Grade: C


(Archer, S08E06)

  • "Joe Buck didn't shit in your bed. That was Musburger." (Brockmire, S01E07)
  • "So your life would have been completely different had Musburger just had a smaller dinner." (Brockmire, S01E07)
  • "Cuckmire." (Brockmire, S01E07)
  • Riverdale Season Grade: D+
  • "You'd be amazed at the pheromone community." (Shark Tank, S08E24)
  • Shark Tank Season Grade: C

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Better Call Saul
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

19. (American Gods, S01E01)


Honourable Mention

  • Tandy's demonstrations (The Last Man on Earth, S03E16)
  • Carol's Mission: Impossible theme (Great News, S01E03)

Stray Observations

  • "Wagstaff has a zero tolerance pantsing policy. We're part of a national program called No Pants Pulled Off Behinds." (Bob's Burgers, S07E19)
  • "Do not eat hummus on the couch!"
    "That's not in the Bible!"
    "It's implied!" (Making History, S01E07)
  • Severed arm breaking the letterbox (American Gods, S01E01)
  • "She died with my husband's cock in her mouth." (American Gods, S01E01)
  • ♫: Brian Reitzell – "In the Pines [feat. Mark Lanegan]" (American Gods, S01E01)
  • Vaping synthetic toad skins (American Gods, S01E01)
  • "We have re-programmed reality. Language is a virus, religion an operating system, prayers are just so much fucking spam." (American Gods, S01E01)
  • ♫: Richard Cheese – "Personal Jesus" (The Leftovers, S03E03)
  • "Would you kill a baby if it would cure cancer?"
    "No."
    "That is exactly what I said." [immolates self] (The Leftovers, S03E03)
  • "You looked through my photos."
    "I was hungry. It was in the fridge." (The Leftovers, S03E03)
  • "No, this is a very big deal. Do you know how long you've been promising me you'd paint my go-kart pink for breast cancer awareness?" (The Last Man on Earth, S03E16)
  • "You named five, Fail."
    "Name's Gail. You can have your F back."
    "Sometimes I get my Fs and my Gs mixed up, so why don't you fo guck yourselg?" (The Last Man on Earth, S03E16)
  • "It's hards-on."
    "What?"
    "Hards-on, not hard-ons. It's a syntactical error that I could have remedied if you would just give me the space to speak."
    […]
    "You can't just wiggle your little tush and expect every VC in the Valley to get hards-on." (Silicon Valley, S04E02)
  • "I will destroy you in ways that are so creative they will honour me for it at the Kennedy Center."
    […]
    "I am gonna find ways to destroy you so hard that everybody at the Kennedy Center is gonna take a fuckin' massive shit." (Veep, S06E03)
  • "So now it's the Selina Meyer foundation for adult literacy, AIDS…"
    "And the advancement of global democracy." (Veep, S06E03)
  • "In the immortal words of will.i.am, tonight's gonna be really great!" (Veep, S06E03)
  • "You're just in the middle of what we in America call a…'fuck fog.'"
    "In Finland, we call this the 'fever of the sausage.'" (Veep, S06E03)
  • American Crime Season Grade: C
  • Hitchcock and Scully eating whole cakes (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E16)
  • "Are you two sure you should be babysitting? You seemed real freaked when you called me last night."
    "Yes, but then we figured out how to be good parents: TV and cake."
    "TV and cake were my parents…"
    [pause]
    "It's okay…" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E16)
  • "There are no highlights in Scottsdale, Margo." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E16)
  • The Mick Season Grade: C
  • "Shepherd's pie has lamb in it. Do they seem like good shepherds to you? So really, when you think about it, pie is murder. If you choose life, choose cake." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E21)
  • "Dr. Octogenarian!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E21)
  • "This is… Oh, shoot. What's my spy name? Uh, Desk… Desk Crotch." (Great News, S01E03)
  • "Nolite te bastardes carborundorum, bitches." (The Handmaid's Tale, S01E04)
  • "Who is this for?" (Speechless, S01E21)
  • "Thank you for that heartfelt welcome, faculty member." (Black-ish, S03E23)
  • "Our Drake poster was gonna go right there…"
    "Or Elliott Yamin."
    [pause]
    "Our Drake poster was gonna go right there." (Black-ish, S03E23)
  • "Man, that thing is out of control." (Archer, S08E05)
  • "Why is there blood on the barrel?"
    "What? No, that's um…hot sauce."
    "Well, why is there hot sauce on it – with a couple of hair stuck in it? Oh, sweet Christ."
    "What?"
    "Did you beat a guinea pig to death with your service weapon, slather the thing in hot sauce, and eat it?" (Archer, S08E05)


(Brockmire, S01E06)

  • Rob McElhenney (Fargo, S03E03)
  • Mother and daughter Frances Fisher and Francesca Eastwood playing Vivian Lord in different eras (Fargo, S03E03)
  • "It's just a story." (Fargo, S03E03)
  • "Probably we should have a milkshake, maybe some curly fries, ponder all future moves." (Fargo, S03E03)
  • Akita Yoshimura has played Sulu in Star Trek sketches from 1976, 1986, 1994, and now, 2017 (Saturday Night Live, S42E19)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Leftovers
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek