Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


15. Oh, farts (Andre the Giant, 04-10-18)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "In a garbage bag in the middle of the woods. My horoscope was right." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
  • "See? This is why we're a great team. I have sugar, and you, you know about breathing." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
  • "Ooh, maybe I confessed something fun in my sleep, like I'm really a Russian agent, like, like Felicity." (Bob's Burgers, S08E13)
  • "He let me stay on his couch when Anna Kournikova and I broke up."
    [scoffs] "Well, I mean, she never won a major, so…" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
  • Will Shortz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
  • "So, it would seem that we have become frenemies. Do you know what that means?"
    "Are you trying to imply that I'm too old to understand a portmanteau? I am not, but I am too dignified to use one, friend-enemy." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E15)
  • Mike (The Last Man on Earth, S04E14)
  • "You'd tell me if you harboured nativist feelings, wouldn't you?" (Silicon Valley, S05E03)
  • "Consommé!" (Barry, S01E03)
  • "I hear that TNA is hiring." (WWE Raw, 04-09-18)
  • "I do not want another lizard situation." // "What is your purpose?!" (Black-ish, S04E19)
  • "How do we know that one of these dogs isn't just gonna snap on somebody?"
    "Oh, Duke would never snap at anybody. Would you, David Duke?" (Black-ish, S04E19)
  • "Sorry, no speak English." (WWE SmackDown LIVE, 04-10-18)
  • "What is that?"
    "A Bakersfield mimosa. Sparkling wine and orange Jell-O mix." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "What's a Jayden?" (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "Wow, it is rough out here. No one will even look at us."
    "I know. Is this what it feels like to be a seven? Answer me, Ronnie." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "I'll make Bakersfield Marys. It's just vodka and ketchup." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "You guys look like I feel. Well, not you, Bernard. You're always a stunner." (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "Also, from my time as a roadie for The Huh?, a Who cover band. (LA to Vegas, S01E12)
  • "Where'd your shin go, man?!" (New Girl, S07E01)
  • "This party is a disaster. Our guests have no questions for the panel." (New Girl, S07E01)
  • "Try playing musical chairs with no music! It's just chairs!" (New Girl, S07E01)
  • "Cake beats mail." (New Girl, S07E01)
  • Guest starring Brian Huskey as Merle Streep (New Girl, S07E01)
  • Directed by Ana Lily Amirpour (Legion, S02E02)
  • Juniper (The Last O.G., S01E02)
  • Malik Yoba (The Last O.G., S01E02)
  • "Things are changing back home, opening up. And it's not just politics, it's, it's the young people, it's music, it's, it's different. I mean, they're talking about opening a Pizza Hut in Moscow. You see the papers."
    "What, the Washington Post?" (The Americans, S06E03)
  • "I got an IUD to block them K-I-Ds." (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • "First of all, my breasts are already on Tumblr." (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • "This pizza has to go inside him." (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • "Mm-mm. Chew." (Atlanta, S02E07)


(Atlanta, S02E07)

  • "Drake's nutritionist is my cousin." (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • Bostrom's simulation argument (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • "It's all fake. There's no Drake. So don't ruin your high and just enjoy yourself." (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • Walking home in Puma slides (Atlanta, S02E07)
  • "Drake's Mexican!" (Atlanta, S02E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

14. Obamacare (Legends of Tomorrow, S03E17)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "This is not the time for stories about your digital squash, Peralta." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E14)
  • "I can't believe you thought I was the dumb cop. I mean, I've watched Planet Earth – with the British narrator!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E14)
  • Counterpart Season Grade: C
  • "Your lower back hair is catching the light in the most beautiful way. It's like I'm seeing it for the first time."
    "Must be some residual push sweat. I don't know if you heard, but I just took a pretty aggressive dump."
    "I did hear." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E13)
  • "Look at the last guy to create a new internet: Al Gore. His ideas were excellent, but he talked like a narcoleptic plantation owner, so he lost the presidency to a fake cowboy and now he makes apocalypse porn. Look, the point is, you need to lead with passion. When you set your mind to it, you're one of the most charismatic people I've ever met, and I have met Ira Glass." (Silicon Valley, S05E02)
  • "Now I wish I could say that this was the first time that one of my students was gunned down in the street, but it's not, and as much as it pains me to say it, it is most likely not the last." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "Brought to you by wolf attacking a horse." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "I'd love to play a priest that's molesting little boys." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "Siri, what is 'off-book'?" (Barry, S01E02)
  • "I thought this was, like, supposed to be funny."
    "A man molesting children?"
    "Yeah, like how Family Guy is funny." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "Are you doing Doubt? Oh, let's not do Doubt." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "Webster's Dictionary defines 'death' as 'a permanent cessation of all vital functions.' It defines 'remember' as 'to bring to mind or think of again.' So, even though Ryan's vital functions have ceased, if we think of him, he will always be with us." (Barry, S01E02)
  • "He could be a legacy kid at my Zamunda."
    "You mean, the fake country that Eddie Murphy left when he wanted to go work at McDowell's?"
    "You watched it?"
    "No, I, I read about it on Wikipedia. You know I can't watch Eriq La Salle!" (Black-ish, S04E18)
  • "You can pick one of three reasons to break up with me: I'm too jealous, I'm too clingy, or I didn't laugh enough at Rick and Morty." (LA to Vegas, S01E11)
  • "The force of the bolt exiting her body blew off her big toe." (The Mick, S02E20)
  • The Mick Season Grade: C
  • Waffle boat (Legion, S02E01)
  • "Wait, were there women with mustaches singing?" (Legion, S02E01)
  • "So I'm supposed to find the Shadow King from inside a daiquiri?" (Legion, S02E01)
  • Legion Cast – "White Rabbit" (Legion, S02E01)
  • Gay little niggas (The Last O.G., S01E01)
  • "Why everything with you gotta be about dick?"
    "What?! The phallus is the number one piece of universal comedy gold. Everybody love a good dick joke. You know it's like Tom, Dick, and Harry. You heard about that, right? Nobody gives a shit about Harry. Everybody wanna know who Dick is." (The Last O.G., S01E01)
  • "You don't want your rectum turned into a parking garage, man." (The Last O.G., S01E01)
  • "What are you doing?
    "What Prometheus did."
    "Whore-crotching."
    "Horcruxing." (The Magicians, S03E13)
  • The Magicians Season Grade: C
  • Donald Glover as Teddy Perkins (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "Oh, I don't have a butler. I just use this to remember things. 'Finish that hat for Dionne Warwick. Wash your hands, immediately.'" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "I have Fiji, and Evian. I'll mix it with some Poland Springs. Maybe a Voss?" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "And let me get a 5 Cheese Krystal combo, no fries."
    "It's cheaper with fries."
    "No fries."
    "That's rich nigga shit, man!" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "Look, man, if I leave, I'll regret it, and I got a two regret life limit pact. Somebody gotta take me out if I go over two." (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "The nigga look like somebody left Sammy Sosa in the dryer." (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "'Sammy Sosa hat.'" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "Yo, why this nigga the same color as his fuckin' hat?"
    "Yeah, man, this nigga looks like a white man's penis."
    "Yo, man, why this nigga look like what's under a scab, though?" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "Feel free to Twitter or Blogspot any of it." (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "I want this wing of the museum to be dedicated to great fathers: My father, Joe Jackson, Marvin Gay Sr., Tiger Woods' father, Serena Williams' father, the father that drops off Emilio Estevez in The Breakfast Club…" (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • Darius' phone background (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • "You know, not all great things come from great pain. Sometimes it's love. Not everything's a sacrifice." (Atlanta, S02E06)
  • ♫ Stevie Wonder – "Evil" (Atlanta, S02E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

13. The Baby Boss (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E05)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "That's lip gloss? I thought you'd always just finished eating rotisserie chicken." (Bob's Burgers, S08E11)
  • Hitchcock shaving a burger (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E13)
  • "Famous kids are monsters. You do not wanna meet Young Sheldon." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E13)
  • "Karl, we send you our thoughts and prayers as you hurtle, screaming, on your terrifying journey to Hell. Heck, you're probably chewing on Bill Cosby's gallbladder right now, washing it down with a warm cup of diarrhea." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E12)
  • "Señor Clean" (The Last Man on Earth, S04E12)


(Trust, S01E01)


(Trust, S01E01)

  • "You're gonna look like Richard Gere from Pretty Woman. Maybe tonight you'll fall for a radiant sex worker." (Silicon Valley, S05E01)
  • "We never had pizza 'cause my stepmom said Italians aren't real white people." (Silicon Valley, S05E01)
  • Magnolia (Barry, S01E01)
  • "K-PAX." (Barry, S01E01)
  • "I mean, do you think Meryl Streep and Kaley Cuoco became stars just because they're the best?" (Barry, S01E01)
  • "Delta Burke is a lot of work!" (Barry, S01E01)
  • Chopped (Black-ish, S04E17)
  • "You just don't throw together an avant-garde Bible-themed 'Fashion of the Christ' costume party. Speaking of which, what's the costume?"
    "Well, I was thinking of being a sexy Rachel from Laban, Genesis 29:16. It's a deep cut."
    "No deep cuts! Stick to the hits." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "Are you tired of the same old restaurant experience? Then do what I do, and head down to Broth, Vegas' finest new eatery, where everything's soup, including you, because the dining room's a Jacuzzi." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "The best revenge is an act of social media." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "The party's tonight? But it's my bowling championship. You promised that if I advanced, you would come."
    "Well, you advanced and hopefully I will." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "We were nervous to tell you, for obvious reasons, because he's so, so old."
    […]
    "We were nervous about telling you, for obvious reasons, because she's so, so old." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "So, Dave, tell me, what made you decide to become a pilot?"
    "Well, Patricia, it all started when I first read the story of Icarus, who flew so close to the sun with no repercussions." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "Oh, God, I am gonna tell you what you told me when I tried singing Dreamgirls in the shower: You have to stop." (LA to Vegas, S01E10)
  • "I don't wanna be Mexican!" (The Mick, S02E19)
  • "Oh, these cabins look so rustic. Kinda makes you realize how cosmopolitan Bakersfield is." (Baskets, S03E10)
  • Baskets Season Grade: B
  • Grown-ish Season Grade: C
  • Lenny and Carl (Riverdale, S02E17)
  • "Wait, Kevin, can you lead us to this secret gay hook-up tunnel?" (Riverdale, S02E17)


(Riverdale, S02E17)

  • ♫ Ann Marr – "Bullet" (Riverdale, S02E17)
  • "Cheryl, Toni, there are a bunch of nuns coming. We have to go." (Riverdale, S02E17)
  • Diegetic "previously on" (The Magicians, S03E12)
  • "I come bearing gifts."
    "This is, like, 80% taco supplies."
    "I'm sorry, do they not have Tuesdays in Fillory?" (The Magicians, S03E12)
  • "I will say what I wish my father had said to me: I'm so happy you're dating a bear." (The Magicians, S03E12)
  • "Giving people shit is easy. Taking it away is almost impossible. Like Obamacare. Or herpes." (The Magicians, S03E12)
  • ♫ Peter Gabriel – "We Do What We're Told (Milgram's 37)" (The Americans, S06E01)
  • "Key and Peele put a movie out with a cat in it, they put the cat on the poster. They dressed the cat up like a nigga instead of putting two niggas that made the movie on the poster."
    "So was it a cat in a suit or just looked like a nigga?"
    "It was, you know, you know a cat, what a, what a nigga cat look like!" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Raindrops peach emoji?" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Toothpick? 50 cent." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Yeah, he had queef engine or something like that, and his carburetor had jaundice." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Hey, you like Zaxby's?"
    "Nigga, don't be rude. Of course I love Zaxby's." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Nigga, three? You better pick up five. Use your back too, bitch." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Well, do it then, beige lady!" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "You think I work hard at these three jobs so you can walk around town with your little nigglet friends skipping school all day? I work hard, man. But y'all think y'all grown, don't it? Huh? Well, since y'all grown, please tell me you put up the street team posters I gave you today." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "We ain't gonna never get this $35 now." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Come inspire the youth!" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "I got a fire mixtape. I'm like Lonzo Ball." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Don't tell your mama? Well, I'm calling her right now. She gotta know."
    "Do you have minutes?" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Son, could you not jack off with my good lotion?"
    "Oh, really? Right in front of Paper Boi?" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "Anybody else pee a little bit when we had that wreck? Just me? Hey, sorry about the hit-and-run thing, but you know I can't go back to jail, baby. I just can't do it. I don't weigh enough. You know, I'll be somebody girlfriend immediately in jail. I don't fuck with no jails. Just passing by the Atlanta pen make my boy hymen hurt." (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • "You ruined my whole goddamn day."
    "Ruined?! Nigga, we had a good day today! I took you to mentor to some kids. You're welcome. And then we, we ate at that white lady house. And then we hit that Asian lady from the back, you know what I'm talking about…" (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • Thundercat and Flying Lotus composed an original score for the episode (Atlanta, S02E05)
  • Babylon Berlin Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek


Looking forward:

I can't do another season of Archer.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


12. The Ultimate Deletion (WWE Raw, 03-19-18)


Stray Observations

  • "Over one weekend, there was a kiln fire. Sprinklers put it out, but it was a huge smoky mess."
    "Like Winston Churchill." (Bob's Burgers, S08E10)
  • Possessed shin (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E04)
  • "Ah, yes, the first pubic war, the sexiest of all wars." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "Okay, so we've secured Captain Holt's husband. Let's discuss how to proceed."
    "So what you're saying is, we need to talk about Kevin."
    [boos]
    "I have no regrets!"
    "Kevin is currently at the safe house with Captain Holt."
    "How long will he have to stay there?"
    "My friend in the organized crime division says they've been building a case against Seamus Murphy for years, and they're close. They think they'll move on him in the next month or two."
    "So you're saying, Kevin can wait?"
    [boos]
    "You know what, you people are insane! That was gold!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "I feel like Ellen watching her producers go through a haunted house." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "Okay, I've got three words. I've got an 'and,' I've got an 'an' and a 'he.' Now, the 'he' could be a part of a 'the' or the end of 'Apache.'" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "I'm not abandoning my husband. I love him."
    "Yeah, I love him too. Everybody loves Raymond."
    "Don't."
    "I think that's pretty funny!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "I was lying about the back-up! I came alone! Title of my sex tape." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "Better get some corticosteroids to treat that laryngeal fracture." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "There was a movie about a mandolin, and you kept it from me for two months?!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
  • "Barf quieter, bud!"
    "You're no barf church mouse, either, bud." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E11)
  • "This is not the time to argue, okay? 'Cause right now, we are like the cast of the Jersey Shore, 'cause we got a The Situation." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E11)
  • "Maine has beaches! They just have more rocks and family secrets." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E19)
  • Fresh Off the Boat Season Grade: C
  • "Every black man has a friend named 'Cool Breeze.'" (Black-ish, S04E16)
  • "Is that supposed to be sushi?"
    "May I present to you freshly-caught Swedish Fish on Rice Krispy Treats. I call it the 'Hudson News Roll.' I know how much you like crap."
    "I love crap!" (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
  • "What did you just call me?"
    "Nothing. …Trash humper."
    "That's slander! I don't do that with trash!"
    "Oh, no? Then what are you doing with that can of Pringles?"
    "Oh, I'm using this as my wallet." (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
  • "They also said that Liam Neeson is aging into an old woman."
    "…saying that Samoa is barely a Guam." (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
  • "Oh. I do have a fetish." (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
  • "Send help! I'm mostly nude in the back of a cop car about to drown with a young boy!" (The Mick, S02E18)
  • "Happy birthday to you…"
    "I've always loved that song." (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "I've been trying to practice my empathy lately, and my empathy tells me that we should throw a party for Martha or she's gonna try to kill herself." (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "It's a great opportunity for me to debut Dill Pickles."
    "Who's that?"
    "He's my character that I told you about."
    "Why not Bread and Butter Pickles? [chuckles] They're so tasty. Have you ever had 'em?" (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "Now, when you think about dinner in Bakersfield, you gotta think about Basque restaurants." (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "Martha, you look so nervous. Why is that? Is it because of all the Basques?" (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "Martha! Get back over here! They have cow tongue! I don't want it, but I want to see someone eat it!" (Baskets, S03E09)
  • "I'm 50 now. I can't keep acting like I'm 39." (Baskets, S03E09)
  • Andy Cohen (Riverdale, S02E16)
  • "My friend's boyfriend plays basketball. They're playing you guys. She took me to a game. I got super into it."
    "Yeah, totally. Kobe Bryant, the Spalding company, two points per basket, love it all." (Speechless, S02E18)
  • Speechless Season Grade: C
  • Pauly Shore (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • "Why don't you just go to the old lady's apartment and take inventory of her stuff?"
    "By myself? What if there's a ghost?"
    "I don't know. Befriend it and write a sequel to Ghost Dad, dude."
    "I haven't seen the first one."
    "…You don't have to." (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • "She has pictures of her favourite celebrities up on her wall just like I do. That right there is Clark Gable, A.K.A. the Sacha Baron Cohen of her generation.
    Just out of curiosity, what do you think 'A.K.A.' stands for?
    "Also kinda alike?"
    "…Okay, not bad." (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • "As a friend, I'm letting you know that burlesque is the lowest form of art possible. Literally, it's the last failure a woman can have is burlesque, after acting, then yoga, then burlesque. That's it." (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • "She once spent three days on a riverboat casino eating nothing but lobsters and champagne before people found out she wasn't really a magician." (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • "It takes people years to get to where I am and all I had to do was show that manager that I was serious, laser-focused, and that she could never, ever, ever escape me."
    "Okay, so you're like the lower back tattoo of the service industry." (Alone Together, S01E10)
  • Alone Together Season Grade: C
  • "Fine, but I will freely admit I was getting excited at the idea of a Josh-Julia solo adventure."
    "Sorry."
    "Yeah, what would the shippers even call us? Josh? Julia? See, you couldn't even tell that I swapped the first letters." (The Magicians, S03E11)
  • The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story Season Grade: C
  • "This is gonna sound like a high question, but it's not. Are black women considered brunettes?" (Atlanta, S02E04)
  • A woman approaches Earn and praises what she initially assumes is very convincing blackface (Atlanta, S02E04)


(Atlanta, S02E04)


(Atlanta, S02E04)

  • "Do you believe that love can die?"
    "Sure, everything dies. But at least you lived through it." (Atlanta, S02E04)
  • Tessa Thompson (Portlandia, S08E10)
  • Portlandia Season Grade: D

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


11. Undercover Office Potty (Saturday Night Live, S43E16)


Honourable Mention

  • Shane McMahon Grape Lady-ing (WWE SmackDown Live, 03-13-18)
  • Baskets Career College commercial (Baskets, S03E08)
  • Country lawyer Sam Hill commercial (Baskets, S03E08)
  • Halloween store commercial (Baskets, S03E08)
  • lilysmom_11 (Atlanta, S02E03)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts – "Crimson and Clover" (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E03)


(WWE Raw, 03-13-18)

  • "Eddie RZA" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E18)
  • "Yin and Yang. Your opposite energies balance each other out. The black is Yin, slow and yielding, like you, Louis, always thinking before you act. The white is Yang, focused and active, like you, Jessica, jumping into action before thinking it through. Your two energies complement each other, achieving perfect balance. It's the reason Tommy Boy didn't work. Too much white. No balance." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E18)
  • "The mermaid's name is Seayoncé." (LA to Vegas, S01E08)
  • "I'm gonna hold on to your food TV." (LA to Vegas, S01E08)
  • "Do I look like I want to try some bulgogi?" (Black-ish, S04E14)
  • The Sunken Place (Black-ish, S04E14)
  • "Don't you worry about your only grandmother. She hasn't shown you all the tricks up her sleeve."
    "It's punching. The trick up her sleeve is punching." (Black-ish, S04E14)
  • "Innovators don't need to match their athletic gear." (Black-ish, S04E15)
  • "As long as they don't eat off of strangers' plates and mix athletic brands, all right? I cannot have them looking like Eastern Europeans." (Black-ish, S04E15)
  • ♫: Dr. John – "Iko Iko" (The Mick, S02E17)


(The Mick, S02E17)

  • Christine's bangs (Baskets, S03E08)
  • "I Am Woman, It's My Store" (Baskets, S03E08)
  • "One of them went viral."
    "Oh…"
    "Yeah. Here it is. Two hits?!" (Baskets, S03E08)
  • "I know what I'm doing! I used to date a videographer!" (Baskets, S03E08)
  • Pop-up skeleton Santa (Baskets, S03E08)
  • "No one wants an 'I Am Not Your Negroni.'" (Grown-ish, S01E11)
  • "You need the right slogan, like ours: 'Black Dorms Should Matter.' We're trending on Twitter right now. #BDSM. You might've seen it."
    [pause]
    "That may not be us." (Grown-ish, S01E11)
  • "I wrote it for my high school ska band, the Ska-nold Trumpets. That was before ska and Donald Trump got super embarrassing and were only, like, kind of embarrassing." (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "Why are you dancing like that? It's like you're trying to escape your lack of rhythm, but you just can't do it." (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "Ain't nothin' better than a curly spice / On straight fries would be erreally nice." (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "You're lucky the first rule of ska is 'always have an extra set of suspenders.'" (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "I'm putting my foot down."
    "You wear a size four. Putting your foot down, what does that accomplish?" (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "You want to hear some ska poetry? Reel Big Fish. 'I'm giving up because I know everything sucks.'" (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "I'm such an idiot for thinking I could revive ska music. Probably just got to wait until gas prices go down and then seven-person bands can tour again." (Alone Together, S01E09)
  • "Well, I'm a tough critic. I almost didn't like The Emoji Movie." (Speechless, S02E17)
  • "You can't go to America and start from nothing. That's the lie." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E08)
  • "Hallmark invented Valentine's Day, Walmart invented the Fourth of July, and Arbor Day, as we all know, was invented by Carl's Jr." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "2000 years ago, Jesus Christ was crucified, and now every Easter, people buy millions of dollars worth of chocolate bunnies." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "America is a corporation / And I hate my supportive parents / North Korea is better than America / And I can't pay my student loans." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "I'll never forget where I was when I found out. I was eating a bacon, egg, and cheese croissant in my car. I was so upset, I couldn't even finish it."
    "Hm."
    "I lied. I totally finished it. But I felt bad. I think the mayo was expired." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "Oh, no, he tried to talk to me earlier, but I was—"
    "Premeditating a swan murder." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "What's your name again?"
    "Jake."
    "Cake."
    "Um…"
    "You want to sit at the big table, don't you, Cake?" (Corporate, S01E10)
  • "I'd rather be miserable at my job and be able to afford a one-bedroom apartment than follow my dreams and live in a studio apartment." (Corporate, S01E10)
  • Corporate Season Grade: C
  • Channel Zero: Butcher's Block Season Grade: D
  • "Hennessy plus the herb, plus the herb, herb, herb / Yo, I just bought a dinosaur like Nicolas Cage." (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "Dude, if it crashes again, I'm gonna crash my foot in your ass." (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "56 Nights" (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "You want to go slap some butts?"
    "Nah, but I'll watch." (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "You really want to wear all white to a strip club, nigga?" (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "Money is an idea, man. Look, there's a reason that a white dude dressed just like you can walk into a bank and get a loan, and you can't even spend a $100 bill, man. I mean, you need to start acting like you're better than other niggas, and then they'll start treating you better than other niggas."
    "Yeah, 'cause otherwise, you're just another nigga." (Atlanta, S02E03)
  • "It's Michael Vick." (Atlanta, S02E03)


A computer-generated smart speaker? (Portlandia, S08E09)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

10. Sperm Bank Demon Fight (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E02)


Honourable Mention

  • Cash Preservation Society (Portlandia, S08E08)
  • Shrek (Saturday Night Live, S43E15)

Stray Observations

  • "The only part of a roast that I like is when you say the nice parts at the end. Maybe I'll just do that."
    "I didn't know I was having brunch with Michael Landon." (Crashing, S02E08)
  • Crashing Season Grade: C
  • ♫: Brockhampton – "Boogie"! (The Mick, S02E16)
  • "Good insights, gentlemen. And that is what it's like to be a woman in today's business world." (Baskets, S03E07)
  • Writing a Greg Berlanti film into a Greg Berlanti television programme (Riverdale, S02E14)
  • "I saw on her Snapchat that she goes to a lot of jam band concerts, so… She likes 11-minute songs! I figure…I'm not as bad as that…" (Alone Together, S01E08)
  • "You use our Netflix so much that all our suggestions are aimed at you. I don't want to watch Broadchurch, Kenneth."
    "Well, you got to give it a chance! It gets really good after the seventh episode!" (Speechless, S02E15)
  • "I always wondered what kind of freaks lived in the apartments above outdoor malls." (Corporate, S01E09)
  • "I can't sell a clever Filipino – even one with a big dick." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E07)
  • "Let's discuss your wants – and my terms." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E07)


(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E05)

  • "Why you gotta lock in a child?!" (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "My name is Peter Savage, but everyone here calls me '35 Savage,' because I'm 35."
    "We're gonna call you '36 Savage' soon." (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "Long live fresh…nigga." (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • Bobby Shmurda (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "Where my real niggas at?" (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "I'm the Prince of Tides, nigga." (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "Man, don't get me wrong, it's a funny show, but the way they dive into depression, and especially after what he did to her daughter, I was like, 'Can I even feel bad for this horse anymore?'" (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • "They got a no chase policy." (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • ♫: Flying Lotus – "Coronus, The Terminator" (Atlanta, S02E02)
  • The feminist bookstore ladies meet the Oh, Hello guys (Portlandia, S08E08)
  • Top Chef: Colorado Season Grade: C
  • "Well, sketch comedy is great, but at some point, you have to move on, you know?" (Saturday Night Live, S43E15)
  • "What's the main difference between rock and rap?"
    "Uhh, usually skin colour." (Saturday Night Live, S43E15)
  • "Overkill took an Uber." (The Tick, S01E08)
  • "I don't think my life's worth not killing anymore." (The Tick, S01E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

9. The Winds of Winner's (Atlanta, S02E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations


(Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E01)

  • "Prince's best work in years. But you do know he's no longer alive over there, right? Now what do you think would happen if this fucking album were to find its way across?"
    "Ian, please."
    "We are tasked with safeguarding the most important fucking secret in the history of mankind." (Counterpart, S01E06)
  • "We're supposed to suck NACA's dick, that's why we came here! You came here to suck NACA's dick, suck NACA's dick!" (Crashing, S02E07)
  • Shark Tank Season Grade: C
  • "'KOKOMO IS IT REAL.' Do we really want a principal who's daydreaming about some fake paradise in the Florida Keys?"
    "Well, why are the other ones real? Aruba, Jamaica…" (A.P. Bio, S01E02)
  • "Koo Koo Roo got ya, huh?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E17)
  • "He was laughing at a [Suddenly] Susan joke when he passed." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E17)
  • "I want to visit you at Stanford, not Georgia Tech." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E17)
  • "Did you say Artem is a dentist?"
    "Yeah, pediatric dentist. Here's my card. Oh, the doll's head is there so you remember I'm good with kids." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "Captain Steve is on the flight, and he's very bitter, and not adorably bitter like a late-in-life Lena Horne, scary bitter like a late-in-life Bette Davis."
    "Love a reference from this century once in a while."
    "Hamilton." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "If you find yourself in Vegas on a Friday night, why not celebrate the Sabbath the way Captain Dave does? Praying the night away at Temple Beth Vegas, where you'll find the best all-you-can-eat Oneg, and the loosest slots this side of Haifa." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "This Discman only plays Seger." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "And here you stand, Bernard, forsaken and alone, like a young Hedy Lamarr's Joan of Arc, with no around to tell you they don't get that reference." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "I've been dreaming about kicking your ass for a long time, Dave."
    "Well, that's not gonna happen, so keep dreaming, Pam Ewing!"
    "Huh?"
    "From Dallas. All of season nine was Pam Ewing's dream. You never watched Dallas?"
    "I believe it's pronounced 'die-yes.'" (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "You're acting like children."
    "Show me one child with a mustache like this. Foreigners don't count." (LA to Vegas, S01E06)
  • "Oh! Tiny burgers!" (Baskets, S03E06)
  • "Don't thank me, thank Arby."
    "I do every day." (Baskets, S03E06)
  • "I've died and gone to Arizona State." (Grown-ish, S01E09)
  • "What the hell do you bribe dead people with? Is there money here?"
    […]
    "And what about the White Walkers?"
    "Oh, the White Walkers. Yeah, I mean, those guys are bad news. You know, but then the British-sounding dude came and, you know, kicked their asses." (The Magicians, S03E08)
  • "What a volatile mix you are. Too lazy to work and too proud to be kept." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E06)
  • "Being smart is useless unless it's in the service of something." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E06)
  • "This world has wasted me." (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E06)
  • "This show is creating a false sense of camaraderie, like when a celebrity dies." (Corporate, S01E08)
  • "I'm just trying to cope through a year in Toledo with its miserable excuse for espresso."
    "Put your hand down. Next words I hear out of you better be in a British accent.
    "The bookstore at the mall has good espresso, m'lord." (A.P. Bio, S01E03)
  • "Oh, the ram's name is Pam? All rams are male."
    "Pam's a trans ram." (A.P. Bio, S01E03)
  • "Never talk about grades. No one cares. They have no impact on life." (A.P. Bio, S01E03)
  • "You wanna try one of these sliders, bro?"
    "Yeah, yeah."
    "Have a seat. Be careful. It's very, very cold." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • ♫: Death Grips – "Hot Head" (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Florida Man is responsible for a large percentage of abnormal incidents that occur in Florida. Think of him as an alt-right Johnny Appleseed. No one knows his true identity, date of birth, what he looks like. That's why headlines always say, 'Florida Man.' […] Him, the state government, fuckin' cahoots."
    "Why would anyone even do that?"
    "To prevent black people from coming to and/or registering to vote in Florida, Earn." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "What flavour is a Flamin' Hot Cheeto?"
    "Hot."
    "I am tasting hot." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Hold on, let me put you on speaker."
    "Nigga, take me off speaker." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "What is you doing here?"
    "Yeah, Al sent me."
    "He too good to come see me now on his own? He DMX now?" (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Hey, I would say 'nice to meet you,' but I don't believe in time as a concept, so I'll just say 'we always met.'" (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Ma'am, do you live here?"
    "No, she don't live here. I'm fuckin' the bitch." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "You don't have an alligator."
    "Yes, he do!"
    "He do got an alligator!"
    "That's the alligator man!"
    "Them children ain't lying to you. I'm the alligator man. Okay? So now, just leave me alone, won't be no gator." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "All I know is I ain't gotta do shit 'cause I ain't done shit." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "This nigga got a full-grown caiman in here surrounded by chicken carcasses. Shit like an Azealia Banks Snapchat." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • "Nigga, I'm not crazy. I'm not Florida Man." (Atlanta, S02E01)
  • ♫: Curtis Mayfield – "When Seasons Change" (Atlanta, S02E01)


(Babylon Berlin, S01E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


7. Kevin Garnett Met Some Contortionists And It Was Great TV (Area 21, 02-13-18)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • McMafia Season Grade: B
  • "It's the only candy based on medical equipment." (Crashing, S02E05)
  • ♫: Eleni Mandell – "Girls" (Crashing, S02E05)
  • "Consider this the black signal." (Black Lightning, S01E05)
  • "Hello, Popeyes? Could I get 18 buckets of shrimp?" (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "I gotta get these French clowns. Hey, are you guys French clowns? I guess not." (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "He said to get here A-S-A-P. Those are his words, not mine. I wouldn't say that. I say 'ASAP.'" (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "I'm kinda going for a Pagliacci-type thing mixed in with a San Joaquin Valley earthiness." (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "There is lobster and crudité in the VIP room and vegan food for those with special problems." (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "Everybody who has a Costco card is gonna get a free pair of Kirkland jeans!" (Baskets, S03E04)
  • "So that's how I got this job. How did she find you?"
    "Oh. Between her legs. I'm her son." (Baskets, S03E04)


(Grown-ish, S01E08)

  • "Bruno Mars is here, and he wants a PB&J. Can you make it in the kitchen and bring it to my office?"
    "Yeah."
    "Amazing. Oh, and by the way, cut off the crusts. I legitimately can't tell how old he is." (Grown-ish, S01E08)
  • "What did you do?"
    "I told Janelle [Monáe] that her last album was a brick, said that she sucked ass in Moonlight, and because grain alcohol should not be legal, I told her to shut her dick trap forever."
    "Mm. All those things, huh?"
    "And then I tweeted a comment that, in hindsight, feels aggressively sus."
    "What did you say?"
    "'Black or white, bitch? Pick a side.'"
    "Whoa! That's…"
    "I was just talking about her choice in fashion. You know, like the tuxedos and the monochrome look."
    "What did you do?"
    "Um, I followed it up with a black middle finger emoji and then a white middle finger emoji."
    "Right, right, 'cause that would be the next logical step, right?" (Grown-ish, S01E08)
  • "What made you stop believing in God?"
    "YouTube comments."
    "Who are the 90% of people who still believe in God?"
    "Professional athletes. They're rich, hot, and their bodies haven't betrayed them yet. Their lives are amazing. Why wouldn't they believe in God?" (Corporate, S01E06)
  • "Hello, Mr. Devil."
    "It's pronounced 'Dev-ill.' But please, call me 'Christian.'" (Corporate, S01E06)
  • "I was going to leave early to go see Pitbull, but at this rate, I won't be able to. I had to forgive my father for those tickets." (Corporate, S01E06)
  • "You're gonna have to make some compromises. You can't have free porn without pop-ups." (Corporate, S01E06)
  • Andrew injecting heroin between his toes while on the phone with American Express (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E05)


(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E02)


(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E02)

  • Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E07)
  • "Oh, fuck. Fresh Prince it?"

    "It worked. I knew it. You Will Smith… Had to resort to some of the Will Smith stuff." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • "What was that?"
    "I kinda was picturing this as a Street Fighter bonus stage-type situation." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • The Joy of Painting re-join (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • "It's been…"
    "It's been–"
    [pause]
    "Yes, I get it." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E08)
  • Nirvanna the Band the Show Season Grade: B
  • ♫: Spacehog! (Everything Sucks!, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


6. Trail Blazers Fans Play the Worst Tic-Tac-Toe Game of All Time (Hornets at Trail Blazers, 02-08-18)


Stray Observations

  • "You tried to use Hanson against me?! They're just boys!"
    "Boys?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "I had no choice but to detain him for having unpermitted doves."
    "Doves? But walking in a mesh tank top with fireworks is okay?"
    "It's Florida. That image was almost our state flag." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "Emery, we need to have a serious talk, which is impossible while you're wearing a mesh tank top." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E16)
  • "Oh, hey, Black Nanny Two." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "You look down on them like I look down on Under Armour shoes."
    "Oh, Dre, I don't have that kind of hate in my heart for anyone."
    "It's not hate. It's just that Steph Curry thinks we can't tell he'd rather be in Jordans." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "Okay, it seems as if I've struck a chord with you black side. Is it possible that I can talk to your white side?" (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "You are not the guy who picketed Subway when they started toasting the bread."
    "Somebody had to stand up for Quiznos."
    "Of course."
    "And Togo's gets no respect." (Black-ish, S04E13)
  • "Was he dressed like Earth, Wind and Fire?"
    "What?"
    "Was the body your boss put in the fire dressed like Maurice White?" (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "Hey, real quick, before you knock me out, you think I can get a pic? And can you make sure you light up?"
    "What?! No!" (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "Someone should burn this lesbian whorehouse to the ground." (Black Lightning, S01E04)
  • "I know the plane has been cleared. Is there any way I could pop back on and get something?"
    "What do you think this is, September 10?" (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "I'll have what she's having. Like the movie. You're Sally, and I'm old Jewish woman who wants orgasm." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "The bartender didn't even card me. I might as well start wearing jackets with shoulder pads and posting on Facebook." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "Sometimes you can be condescending, oblivious, and think you're fancier than you are. You're like the sorbet of people."
    "At least I'm low-fat." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "Well, I can bring sadness on command. I've seen many people being ripped apart by horses." (LA to Vegas, S01E05)
  • "We did it at Arby's."
    "Did what?"
    "Sex, man."
    "Oh. In the restaurant?"
    "No, man, in the parking lot by the grease tanks." (Baskets, S03E03)
  • "You're destroying families with your courtesan ways!"
    "It's different with Hal. He's not a client. It's real."
    "Mother, he has a wife!"
    "Alice Cooper? That gorgon?" (Riverdale, S02E13)
  • Black-ish and Grown-ish both referencing Zoë Kravitz this week (Black-ish, S04E13 / Grown-ish, S01E07)
  • "I understand the psychology of pathetic people. Just trust me on this." (Alone Together, S01E05)
  • ♫: Phoria – "Evolve" (The Magicians, S03E05)
  • "If you're over 30 and don't have a spreadsheet of everyone you've ever met, you're behind in life." (Corporate, S01E05)
  • "I was a virgin until we had sex."
    "Oh, my God."
    "Yeah. I hated it. I'm never gonna do it again." (Corporate, S01E05)
  • "Yeah! Look at this wet hamster!" (Corporate, S01E05)
  • Post-murder "Pump Up the Jam" (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E04)
  • Aimee Mann (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E04)


(Channel Zero: Butcher's Block, S03E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

5. Papa Poutine (Riverdale, S02E12)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Shameless Season Grade: D
  • Justin Forsett and Miesha Tate (Shark Tank, S09E20)
  • "You can't scrub it from the internet. Everything on the internet is permanent. It's digital herpes." (Crashing, S02E03)
  • "Of all the people in the world that you could've pissed off, Bill Burr is the worst. He's out there, he's, he's…MMA! He's involved with the MMA community! He's friends with Joe Rogan!" (Crashing, S02E03)
  • "And after the 11:00 news, it's The Late Show With David Letterman."
    "Louis, you can stay up and watch that old man and his piano gremlin, but I'm going to bed." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E14)
  • "He's having a panic attack! Breathe into your mother's knock-off purse." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "Why does he suddenly need to breathe into my authentic Chanel purse?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "Oh, no! He's having a panic attack! Who has a knock-off Chanel purse he can breathe into?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E15)
  • "How do you shower?" (Black Lightning, S01E03)
  • "Don't sexualize my name, please." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Never trust anyone with three names. James Earl Ray. John Wilkes Booth."
    […]
    "David Lee Roth." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "On Law and Order, bartenders are always being evasive for no reason." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Could I compensate you for that information? I've got a couple of fives and some Certs." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "What? He's a shepherd from the Basque region in Bakersfield?"
    "Yeah, there's a big Basque community here, and I met him outside the feed store." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "Sorry, I got a carrot delivery." (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "What, you gotta pee al fresco or something?" (Baskets, S03E02)
  • "And this is a perfectly acceptable moonwalk!" (Speechless, S02E14)
  • "I'm Hyman – Cooper."
    "Hyman. Did that mean something different when you were born?"
    "Wait, you haven't heard of me? The pervert ghost of Brakebills?" (The Magicians, S03E04)
  • "Oh, Josh is my idol. That man is a vagician." (The Magicians, S03E04)
  • "Imagine the Patriot Act never existed." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "You spend years fighting corporations and then finally you have to admit to yourself you love Southwestern Eggrolls." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "The protest is now a pro-fest in Protest Fest, a four-day music festival celebrating protesting. Headliners include: Kanye West, Rage Against the Machine, and LCD Soundsystem, playing their final show on Friday and their reunion show on Saturday." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • "Anyway, I gotta go deejay the Devour mac and cheese rave." (Corporate, S01E04)
  • Post-murder ham (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E03)
  • "Anyway, I took a deep breath, told them I ate a Cheeto, and walked away." (The Good Place, S02E12)
  • Ted Danson tending bar (The Good Place, S02E12)
  • The Good Place Season Grade: B


(A.P. Bio, S01E01)

  • "Boston's not even a real city. It’s a college town with a fishing pier." (Saturday Night Live, S43E13)
  • Max Headroom (Altered Carbon, S01E05)
  • ♫: Sune Rose Wagner – "More Human Than Human" (Altered Carbon, S01E06)
  • "Do you remember when I almost got fired for saying I could see your areolas through your shirt?"
    "Vaguely." (Altered Carbon, S01E08)


(Altered Carbon, S01E10)

  • Altered Carbon Season Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

4. Easy Lover (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, S02E02)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Wale (Crashing, S02E02)
  • "I know you're high. I'm Dr. Oz." (Crashing, S02E02)
  • "Hey, as a frequent flyer, I'm used to this plane being a capitalist hell state, but I'm swiping my credit card and my seat won't recline."
    "Oh, it looks like the guy behind you paid double to keep yours in the upright position." (LA to Vegas, S01E04)
  • "I'm losing track of this conversation. Let's everybody go around and say what we're angry about. So far, I've got cheating, gender labels, and roast beef." (LA to Vegas, S01E04)
  • "Okay, that's enough screen time for you." (LA to Vegas, S01E04)
  • "They've taken all the dignity out of flying. Judy Garland once said she had the best bowel movement of her life after eating a salmon mousse on a TWA flight to Paris." (LA to Vegas, S01E04)
  • In-flight flu shot (LA to Vegas, S01E04)
  • "No mansion has a mansion next door that looks exactly like it." (Alone Together, S01E03)
  • "There was lotion on my hands, and now this tastes like lotion."
    "Welcome to being a girl. I haven't tasted real fruit since I was 11." (Alone Together, S01E03)
  • "Our boat wants to fuck your boat, and we can't leave until he does." (The Magicians, S03E03)
  • "So, what? I just tell our boat to spread it for their boat and we're done?" (The Magicians, S03E04)
  • "So these pirates are asking us to let our boat get raped?" (The Magicians, S03E04)
  • "Before this, I used to think that pirates were kinda cute in a Johnny Depp sort of way, but the fact is, the real thing is kinda dirty and fucked up…in a Johnny Depp sort of way." (The Magicians, S03E04)
  • Aimee Mann (Corporate, S01E03)
  • "In the words of one of my actual friends, ya basic. It's a human insult. It's devastating. You're devastated right now." (The Good Place, S02E11)
  • "'Fair' is the stupidest word humans ever invented, except for 'staycation.'" (The Good Place, S02E11)
  • "Quvenzhané Wallis and Stephen Hawking in the same room discussing me? Guess they must've made up." (The Good Place, S02E11)
  • "You know, I've done things that you would never have approved of. I died, dressed as someone in the service industry, I shagged a Floridian, I even ate a Cheeto. That's right. Chewing it was deafening." (The Good Place, S02E11)
  • "And since it seems you love humans so much, I'll torture you like one. All you'll have for entertainment is that giant stack of New Yorker magazines." (The Good Place, S02E11)
  • Jim Rash and Nat Faxon (Great News, S02E13)


"Okay, but are you gonna sue them? Or them? Or— Okay, well, I guess not them." (Great News, S02E13)

  • Great News Season Grade: C
  • "Yahtzee ISIS queef." (Saturday Night Live, S43E12)


(Saturday Night Live, S43E12)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


3. Cooking Food with Your Mouth (Desus and Mero, 01-16-18)


Stray Observations

  • "I am gonna cook for you every day, and dinner too, and then blow jobs for dessert." (Shameless, S08E10)
  • "What's the status report? Still digging?"
    "Like a nizzle pizzy in a dizzle stizzy."
    "What?"
    "A nose-picker in a dust storm." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E10)
  • "I'm being lectured by a pile of cookie dough over here." (Crashing, S02E01)
  • "Now your dog doesn't have to be just a dog. He can be a turducken of cute." (Shark Tank, S09E17)
  • Curb stomp back (WWE Raw, 01-15-18)
  • "Marvin, call the store! The diamonds got corroded!"
    "It's not corroded. It's chocolate!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Wait, is this a male Terry or a female Terry?"
    "Male Terry."
    "Those are the worst kind of Terrys." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Aah! My Keroppi!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Goodbye, Yale. Hello, Georgia Tech." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
  • "Bow, I spent my whole life understanding 'white stuff.' Do you think I want to know the names of the members of Phish?" (Black-ish, S04E12)
  • Dermot Mulroney (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
  • "When you're a guy stuck moving armoires alone, you get to be selfish." (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
  • "My giraffe is slippery!" (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
  • "You know what this is?"
    "No."
    "It's a boiler room."
    "What's that?
    "Like the movie."
    "I haven't seen it."
    "Really? These shady finance bros who trick people into making bad investments and then they steal all their money and spend it on Quaaludes."
    "Ah, like frickin' Wolf of Wall Street."
    "Didn't even see it. Nah. Didn't look interesting to me." (The Mick, S02E12)


(9-1-1, S01E03)

  • "Sorry, officer. Our…friend's cat was sick and…exploded. You know, like they do." (The Magicians, S03E02)
  • "We'll see who has a small penis once I have my hurricane machine." (Corporate, S01E01)
  • "I think if I was in the mafia, I would just be the guy who stayed home and made spaghetti." (Corporate, S01E01)


(Corporate, S01E01)

  • "I majored in English and that should be illegal." (Corporate, S01E02)
  • "I'll have the…sheep labia?"
    "Excellent choice."
    "You're gonna love that."
    "It tastes just like chicken, except it's the genitals of another animal." (Corporate, S01E02)
  • "I'm luggage!" (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Jeez Louise! Looks like Chidi has a real case of the Mondays, am I right? Hey, pass the NASCAR ketchup." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Pirates of the Caribbean 6: The Haunted Crow's Nest or Something, Who Gives a Crap. Now playing everywhere FOREVER." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "First person to call Ultimate Frisbee 'ultimate.'" (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Axe up."
    "Oh! New scent! Transformers."
    "Yes. It makes you smell the way Transformers movies make you feel." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "I'm gonna get me a tall glass of piping hot corn syrup." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Hors d'oeuvre?"
    "Oh, what do you got?"
    "Soul food from Maine, bagels from Arkansas, Hawaiian pizza, of course, and egg salad from a hospital vending machine in Azerbaijan." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "Damn, you're good at this."
    "Well, hang out with Johnny Depp long enough and you become pretty good at lying. Like, 'Nooo, your whole thing isn't exhausting at all!'" (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "We need to find Michael, and we need to be discreet. You, cover children's dance recitals through holiday weekend IKEA." (The Good Place, S02E10)
  • "We're all getting laid off? Oh, God. I just spent $7,000 on a high-tech tomato garden. Wait, what's a high-tech tomato garden? Damn. Swindled again." (Great News, S02E12)
  • "It's not that complicated. You know what is complicated? Prison reform. All math. My feelings on Channing Tatum – is he hot or is he Sloth from Goonies?" (Great News, S02E12)
  • Henry Rollins, Krist Novaselic, and Brendan Canty (Portlandia, S08E01)
  • Mikey Day's Pitbull impersonation (Saturday Night Live, S43E11)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

2. Pop Cipher (The Magicians, S03E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Leroy, listen, I have to tell you something. No one's ever called me 'James Woods.'"
    "I'm confused. I was under the impression they called you 'James Woods' based on your love of the woods." (Ghosted, S01E09)
  • "What's his name?"
    "Leave."
    "As in…Schreiber?" (Ghosted, S01E09)
  • Fred Armisen singing along to "I Try" by Macy Gray while a human head microwaves in the background (The Last Man on Earth, S04E09)
  • Martin Short (The Last Man on Earth, S04E09)
  • "It's like Matisse mixed with Shakespeare with just a liiittle Rhea Perlman on top." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E09)
  • "I would much rather be tired than poor." (Shark Tank, S09E15)
  • Braun Strowman trying to murder Brock Lesnar and Kane with a grappling hook (WWE Raw, 01-08-18)
  • "[You're the] old lace to my arsenic." (Marvel's Runaways, S01E10)
  • ♫ Francis and the Lights – "Friends [feat. Bon Iver]" (Marvel's Runaways, S01E10)
  • Marvel's Runaways Season Grade: C
  • "British men are basically American women." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "Personal hero? Latinos. They've been through so mucho." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "I just don't understand, Ronnie. We spoke every day. There was flirting and chemistry and suggestive emojis."
    "That wasn't suggestive. I really was washing an eggplant." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "'YOLO.' So true." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "We both agreed Billings was a mistake." (LA to Vegas, S01E02)
  • "A 'u up?' text might as well be a Chris Brown song." (Grown-ish, S01E03)
  • "Watching you talk to hot girls is like watching a white person try to explain why all lives matter." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "You're a talking penis!"
    "Everybody here thinks you're a talking penis." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "Why don't you just try to find something, like, more in your wheelhouse? Have you thought about, like, being a notary or something?" (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "What's up with that shirt? You sitting shiva?"
    "I taught him Jewish stuff." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "I haven't done under-the-pants stuff with a girl since my ska band broke up." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "I'm glad the job's working out."
    "Yeah, I love it. I've been getting tons of free clothes, but I always get free clothing."
    "Yeah, I have older siblings too." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "Hannah Montana Esther is dead. Welcome to Miley." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "The old guy I met online who paid me to eat macaroni wearing sweatpants turned out to be a total creep." (Alone Together, S01E01)
  • "How long does a quest like this take?"
    "A good…season. (The Magicians, S03E01)
  • "Kelly, I know from your autobiography that you didn't get your start in television until were 40. And Mary-Kelly, I know from your autobiography that you had sex with Wee Man." (Great News, S02E11)
  • "I'm just finishing an e-mail that I will have sent 100 years ago." (Great News, S02E11)
  • Bill Murray as Steve Bannon (Saturday Night Live, S43E10)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

Year nine.


1. Dan Le Batard vomits on air from Stugotz eating photo (The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz, 01-04-18)


Stray Observations

  • "I'm a walking medical disaster, Frank."
    "Well, that's why God invented Canada." (Shameless, S08E08)
  • "Do you think it's weird that all the girls you've liked have been white?"
    "But that's different. See, that's not a preference. That's just what's around." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E11)
  • "Black Jesus, please guide my hand to the nougat." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "Let me let you in on a little secret: Rules are for ugly people." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "I hate to say this, but it sounds like you got yourself an 'urb.' An unruly bitch." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "You were in a band?"
    "Yeah. The Johnson Five. I was the most talented, and the most troubled. That's why I died so young." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "For the new trick, Pascal the Magnificent wants to make me disappear and then reappear in Jerusalem. But I don't know. I don't like hummus." (LA to Vegas, S01E01)
  • "He's not a Saudi prince. He's just a Mexican with a pet falcon." (LA to Vegas, S01E01)
  • "It's not a bottle opener, you caveman, it's a piece of art."
    "No, that's a bottle-opening scrotum." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • Jennie Garth (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "Television is the lowest form of art, okay? It's a rung below macaroni jewelry." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "What a Brenda, right?" (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "People don't get a lot of cool stuff. Right? Like uni and, uh, John Cougar Mellencamp." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "Okay, we got to figure out something, because I am going to that gala or I am getting my thermos signed." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "Hot tip: Most of the young, eligible, Jewish guys hang out right over there. We call that area 'Little Boca.'" (Grown-ish, S01E01)
  • "Oh, hey, Taylor. You got any questions for the Pustule Brothers?" (Speechless, S02E11)
  • "Actually, I think Kenneth wants to…
    "Strip with teens? Oh, no, he doesn't." (Speechless, S02E11)


(9-1-1, S01E01)


(9-1-1, S01E01)

  • "That was 'She Hates Me' by Puddle of Mudd. Coming up next: 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.'" (The Good Place, S02E08)
  • "We're about to close it down with one last song: 'She Hates Me' by Puddle of Mudd and 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer' played at the same time." (The Good Place, S02E08)
  • "Surprise!"
    "Ah! Tiny Dunkirk!" (Great News, S02E10)
  • "He gave me a gift I can never repay: A $25 gift card to Coconuts." (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Chuck? Oh, no, are you the new Hedwig? I told you you don't have the chops." (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Please help me, Portia. I'll give you anything. How about a $25 gift card to Coconuts?" (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Still with us, Bo Jefferson, fiscally conservative van resident. And on the liberal side, daniel with a lowercase D." (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Do you think it's gonna explode?"
    "It's not a film. [If this was a film, we'd probably be American.]" (The End of the Fucking World, S01E02)
  • The End of the Fucking World Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clips of the Year

1. Top Chef
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
3. Portlandia
4. The Young Pope
5. The Young Pope
6. Powerless
7. The Young Pope
8. WWE Raw
9. Homeland
10. Legion
11. The Walking Dead
12. Legion
13. Nirvanna the Band the Show
14. Bates Motel
15. The Amazing Race
16. WWE Raw
17. Brooklyn Nine-Nine
18. The Leftovers
19. American Gods
20. American Gods
21. Fargo
22. Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter
23. Twin Peaks
24. Fargo
25. The Trip [to Spain]
26. Claws
26. Claws
27. WWE Raw
28. Tour de Pharmacy
29. The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
30. Twin Peaks
31.
Insecure
32. WWE SmackDown LIVE
33. Game of Thrones
34. Claws
35. Twin Peaks
36. WWE Raw
37. Twin Peaks
38. American Vandal
39. Nathan For You: A Celebration
40. Nathan For You
41. Black-ish
42. Nathan For You
43. Big Mouth
44. American Horror Story
45. Wendy
46. Vice Principals / Nathan For You [tie]
47. Nirvanna the Band the Show
48. Future Man
49. The Walking Dead
50. Desus and Mero
51. Jean-Claude Van Johnson
52. Desus and Mero


Stray Observations

  • "It'll be like those two girls' night out movies that came out at the same time, only ours will be as good as the black one." (Great News, S02E09)
  • "Did I look thin? Hmm? Like, wheatgrass yogurt thin?" (Black Mirror, S04E01)
  • "Stealing my pussy is a red fucking line." (Black Mirror, S04E01)
  • "King of space right here." (Black Mirror, S04E01)
  • "Okay, I added the boner." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • "We didn't have that whole immersive VR environment shizzle back then." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • "Monkey just needs a minute to get used to how things are gonna be." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • "Are you gonna be a good toy?"
    "Monkey loves you."
    "You better." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • Black Mirror Season Grade: C+

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


2017 AR™TV World Drama Championship Reigns
Stranger Things – 30 weeks [carried over from 2016]
The Young Pope – 3 weeks
Legion – 7 weeks
Better Call Saul – 1 week
The Leftovers – 2 weeks
Better Call Saul – 1 week
Fargo – 1 week
American Gods – 1 week
Twin Peaks – 1 week
Fargo – 3 weeks
Twin Peaks – 6 weeks
Game of Thrones – 1 week
Twin Peaks – 6 weeks
The Deuce – 14 weeks and counting

2017 AR™TV World Comedy Championship Reigns
Atlanta – 22 weeks [carried over from 2016]
Baskets – 17 weeks
The Carmichael Show – 9 weeks
Rick and Morty – 1 week
Insecure – 1 week
Rick and Morty – 5 weeks
Nathan For You – 14 weeks and counting


Looking forward:

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


52. Desus and Mero vs. DJ Akademiks (Desus and Mero, 12-20/12-21-17)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Search Party Season Grade: D
  • "You'll be visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future."
    "Wait, it's like I'm gonna be in that movie. Wait, what is the name of that movie? Oh, gosh. Okay, wait a minute. Okay, it was a guy counting coins, but he wouldn't help Teeny Tom. Oh, come on. The Muppets did a good one, and Ace Ventura did a bad one. You know what I'm talking about. It's Christmas… It's a Chris, Christmas…"
    "Carol!"
    "Yeah, what's up?" (Great News, S02E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


51. Huck (Jean-Claude Van Johnson, S01E01)


Stray Observations

  • Adam Driver singing (Bob's Burgers, S08E06)
  • "We gotta keep going. It's like IKEA. We can't go back. We gotta push forward." (Bob's Burgers, S08E07)
  • "Hello. Most of the year you know me as Cleavage to Beaver." (Bob's Burgers, S08E07)
  • "This is Portia's godfather Bing and his twink Jason." (Search Party, S02E08)
  • "Healter Skelter" (Search Party, S02E08)
  • ♫: LCD Soundsystem – "Oh Baby" (Marvel's Runaways, S01E06)
  • "They were not, as the kids say, 'awake.'"
    "Do you mean 'woke'?"
    "I did mean 'woke,' but it's grammatically incoherent." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E10)
  • "We need to woo them with the international language of friendship: pork." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E10)
  • "Black ink only. No blue. I'm not a street artist." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E10)
  • "I was worried about that too, but that's when I remembered: The Godfather."
    "The Diane Keaton movie."
    "No one refers to it as that, but Charles is right, she is in it."
    […]
    "In The Godfather, Don Corleone had three sons: Michael, his favorite."
    "Diane Keaton's husband."
    "Mm-kay. Then there was Sonny, the hothead."
    "Diane Keaton's brother-in-law."
    "Charles, you're being distracting."
    "No, he's not, he's actually helping me to follow this. Continue going through Diane Keaton's relatives." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E11)
  • "Your brain baby is crowning." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E11)
  • "Hi, there. I'd like to humiliate some hussies, and I'm in a hurry." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E11)
  • "Pumping hard or hardly pumping, Gina?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E11)
  • "I feel like a failure. I feel like a Coulier."
    "No, you're not a Coulier, Gina." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E11)
  • "Ho ho ho! Race is a social construct!" (Speechless, S02E10)
  • ♫: M83 – "Intro" (Mr. Robot, S03E10)
  • RT: In S01E08, Elliot is sent to his one meeting with whiterose – the cover for his meeting is that he's being sent to a place that can recover inaccessible information from some hard drives. The name of this data recovery business was Blank's Disk. (Mr. Robot, S03E10)
  • Back to the Future photo (Mr. Robot, S03E10)
  • ♫: Fiona Apple – "Criminal" (Mr. Robot, S03E10)
  • Mr. Robot Season Grade: B-
  • "Where you been, man? You got anything coming out?"
    "I'm retired."
    "What about on, uh, DVD? VOD?"
    "No, no. Real retired. Not like Nicolas Cage retired." (Jean-Claude Van Johnson, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


50. Trump Off That White? (Desus and Mero, 12-07-17)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "You look like a potato and shit casserole." (The Walking Dead, S08E07)
  • "And I swear to God, if I even catch you thinking about cookies, I am gonna smash your little bones into dust, and then I'm gonna make that dust into a broth, and then I'm gonna slurp it down, laughing. [laughs maniacally] And you'll be inside of me. And I will poo you out." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E08)
  • Dueling parent traps (The Last Man on Earth, S04E08)
  • "Friendship kiss" (The Last Man on Earth, S04E08)
  • Tandy sniffing his fingers after ass-slapping/kissing Todd (The Last Man on Earth, S04E08)
  • "Big Murray's not watching you." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E10)
  • "Aaron Burr!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E10)
  • Curb Your Enthusiasm Season Grade: D+
  • Julian McMahon back! (Marvel's Runaways, S01E05)
  • "There's nothing scarier than a cat person."
    "Mmm, disagree. You ever see someone make chorizo?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E09)
  • "Let's do some top 40. Okay, I think 'Sauce It Up' by Lil Uzi Vert could be very spiritual if it's sung right. All we gotta do is change 'sauce' to 'Je-sauce.'" (The Mayor, S01E08)
  • "Perhaps it was a bottom dial." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E09)
  • "Three corndogs for 99 cents. Who could possibly eat three corndogs and has a dollar?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E09)
  • "I am going to remove your penis, in thin slices, like salami." (Happy!, S01E01)
  • ♫: "The Super Bowl Shuffle" (South Park, S21E10)
  • '80s music (South Park, S21E10)
  • South Park Season Grade: D-
  • ♫: Joey Bada$$ – "Curry Chicken" (Mr. Robot, S03E09)
  • "It's not that I'm out of moves; it's that you're not worth one." (Mr. Robot, S03E09)
  • "You can't force an agenda, Mr. Alderson. You have to inspire one." (Mr. Robot, S03E09)
  • "Yo, hold my Warbys." (Saturday Night Live, S43E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

49. The Jumping Shark (The Walking Dead, S08E06)


Honourable Mention

  • Judge Judy (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E09)
  • The oner of everyone's powers in action under the overpass (Crisis on Earth X, S01E04)
  • Cinema intro intro (Mr. Robot, S03E08)

Stray Observations

  • "F. Murray Abraham. The 'F' is for fuckin' awesome." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E09)
  • "People will watch anything with 'Chicago' in the title. It's been proven." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E09)
  • "That's some good ass dick stories, man." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E09)
  • "Black man showing up at her door with a do-rag? She'll have a heart attack."
    "She'll be fine. It's in the same family as a scarf, as an ascot, as a pocket square." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E09)
  • "The verses are gonna be satanic." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E09)
  • "Chicago Teachers" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E09)
  • "That moment when your hair falls out…" (Search Party, S02E03)
  • "You're a lightweight drunk and a lacrosse-ruining slut." (Marvel's Runaways, S01E04)
  • The Americans (Speechless, S02E08)
  • Risky Business (Speechless, S02E08)
  • "Ray and Austin are chickens! Ray and Austin are chickens!"
    "Oh, I'm a chicken? So I provide 35% of the protein America consumes? Real good insult." (Speechless, S02E08)
  • 2.40:1 aspect ratio (Mr. Robot, S03E08)
  • "Do you like TV?"
    "No."
    "Do you like horses?"
    "No."
    "Do you like Wii U?"
    "No." (Mr. Robot, S03E08)
  • "First of all, The Martian looks like shit." (Mr. Robot, S03E08)
  • "The Martian has 92% on Rotten Tomatoes."
    "That's because most critics have shitty taste." (Mr. Robot, S03E08)
  • "I wish you were dead!"
    "So do I!" (Mr. Robot, S03E08)
  • ♫: Robbie Robb – "In Time" (Mr. Robot, S03E07)
  • "Millennials Against Canada" (South Park, S21E09)
  • Greta Gerwig (Saturday Night Live, S43E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

48. Naked Josh Hutcherson fights hung version of himself (Future Man, S01E12)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Dude, I'm telling you, everything I wear, I get for free, down to my modal boxer briefs."
    "Modal."
    "It's this new fabric. It's three times softer than cotton."
    "Damn, three times?"
    "Yeah."
    "My drawers feel like construction paper." (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "How do they know each of these packs of almonds are exactly 100 calories? They don't know. They can't know." (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "Man, that's full nuts, like the phone booth on Doctor Who."
    "Yeah. Wait a second, you watch Doctor Who?"
    "I saw one on accident. I was flipping through channels." (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "Smells weird."
    "You sure that's not what your hand always smells like?"
    "You know what? I have no idea. That's a really good point. Do you know what your hand smells like?" (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "We're in total agree-wo-ment." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "He's changing all the manatee art to wo-manatee art." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "Wo-man, oh, wo-man, is it hot out! Yeah, plus all the pollen. Think I might have to go take an anti-her-stamine." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "Vagina-doodle-doo! Rise and shine, everyone! What a beautiful daughter-rise." + "This is what a feminist drinks like" mug (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "I feel like Bill Clinton right now – a simple man between two legendary Bushes, one of them a little older." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "As they scissor through the chains of ignorance, strap on, it's gonna be a wild ride. The three of you will form an unbreakable bond that nobody can penetrate." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "That's not a wife; this is a wife." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "I will break through the symbolic glass ceiling by shattering this actual glass ceiling." + subsequent toilet-papered facial cuts (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • Seinfeld finale (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E08)
  • ♫: Blanck Mass – "Please" (Search Party, S02E01)
  • "GWAR has no mothers!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E08)
  • "All pitching comes directly from the ass." (The Mick, S02E07)
  • "All dip is just mayo!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • "Wow, the unhygienic apple doesn't fall far from the unhygienic tree."
    "Did you just call my mom a tree?"
    "I called her an unhygienic tree." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • "My son is a basic bitch." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • "There's nothing better than a plain scone!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • ♫: Knight Rider theme song (Mr. Robot, S03E07)
  • "I'm supposed to be on a Jdate with Juanita at Ruby Tuesday as we speak. She's probably worried about me."
    "What are you doing on Jdate? You're not even Jewish. It doesn't sound like she is either."
    "I told you, my 23andMe said I'm 6% Ashkenazi, and for your information, her full name is Juanita Rosenberg." (Mr. Robot, S03E07)


(Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E05)

  • "New plan: Torture her here."
    "Oh, what a waste. I had electric current, scalpels, this awesome scorpion I found…"
    "Hey, [points at heart] torture comes from here." (Future Man, S01E06)
  • "I watched Badger interrogate a million times. God dammit, he could get under people's skin. Just relentless."
    "How did he die?"
    "AIDS." (Future Man, S01E06)
  • "He programmed me with a sophisticated understanding of dramatic structure, but he never takes my notes on his screenplays. Know what you get when you ignore me? Unobtainium and characters who fornicate with their ponytails." (Future Man, S01E07)
  • "Hey, SIGORN-E, teach me more Na'vi words. What's 'wolf'?"
    "There is no Na'vi word for 'wolf,' but there is one for 'website,' which I assure you makes perfect sense." (Future Man, S01E07)
  • "I would recommend performing CPR."
    "English, please!"
    "Or very basic Na'vi." (Future Man, S01E07)
  • "We are going to get back up, we are going to dust off our clits, and we are going to complete this mission." (Future Man, S01E10)
  • "I'm fucking you with your own dick!" (Future Man, S01E13)
  • "Dingo, do not take my baby! " (Future Man, S01E13)
  • "A myrm eats its way through your brain lobe by lobe. If he's having an orgasm this intense, it can only be because the myrm is chewing on his amygdala. That's the brain's clit." (Future Man, S01E13)
  • "Destiny isn't something that just arrives on your doorstep in a wooden box from Japan. It's something that you seize in a moment, a moment where you realize you have to murder or suicide your former boss and mentor." (Future Man, S01E13)
  • Future Man Season Grade: C+
  • "It has changed a bit. There's a music festival now every summer. It has four stages."
    "Like cancer." (Back, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek