Focus on the Family will cut more than 20 percent of its workforce just weeks after [pumping] more than half a million dollars into [passing] a gay marriage ban in California. [source]

Ben:
—man
—i just got laid off
—i'm applying for unemployment tomorrow
—…
—what!
—WHAT

One day and he's already applying for unemployment.

McKern:
—man, i'd file immediately while looking for something else
—ONE DAY?
—one day is too soon!
—not if you have no savings and you don't get a severence.

McKern, November 7:
—I bought a new macbook pro yesterday

—ONE DAY?

I wanted to write "one day?!" but in eighth grade, Ms. Epstein scolded me for combining a question mark with an exclamation mark.

To this day, I'm hung up on combining question marks with exclamation marks.

I cringe when I see this:

I cringe when Hugo strings together question and exclamation mark combos.

In the past six years, I've combined a question mark with an exclamation mark thrice on Adam Riff™, all three times reluctantly.

How do you transcribe Chris Tucker without a "?!"?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?

Caps are too emphatic.

Bonus Epstein story:

Ms. Epstein's final assignment was an essay worth 25%? of our grade comparing and contrasting two books we'd read during the year. I chose to compare and contrast The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Lord of the Flies. I also chose to "consult" CliffsNotes.

Two days before graduation, an off-day for eighth-graders, my mother forced me to deliver gifts to my teachers.

When I entered Epstein's classroom, she greeted me sternly and asked me to sit down.

"Jon, I was reading your essay and it sounded…familiar, so I headed to the library and…you plagiarized CliffsNotes."

Shit, I thought.

"Not only that, you plagiarized CliffsNotes word for word! I highlighted everything you plagiarized."

It looked like I printed my essay on yellow paper.

"I'm sorry, but I have to give you an F."
"Fair enough."

Stupid, Jon, STUPID!

I stood up to leave.

"Oh. Um, my mother wanted me to give you this."

She unwrapped her gift – "Oh Jon, it's lovely!" – and then initiated a hug.

Awkward!

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