If the press intends to forcefeed me Danica Patrick hype until she wins, here's hoping she starts racing wheelchairs soon. Cowboy Troy is such an Uncle Tom. He markets himself as bizarro Eminem but fails to grasp that there's nothing cool about a black guy who associates with country music artists and raps about being [...]

All right. The statute of limitations expired and I'm free to discuss what happened. Last time, I incorporated The Amazing Race. This time, I'm using 24. Shall we begin? Right now, video game enthusiasts are plotting to film and network at E3, opening day for Revenge of the Sith is approaching, and people that I [...]

Even if you don't follow sports, I suggest tuning in to one of the remaining NBA Eastern Conference Finals games on TNT to catch this strange commercial for the NBA Finals in which fat Magic Johnson plays basketball with the Fantastic Four. Do you think Magic has had sex since testing positive for HIV? Surely [...]

My mother called me from Taipei. Uncle #6 on my mother's side was recently diagnosed with stomach cancer. I don't know how many more deaths in my family I can handle. I'm tired of visiting hospitals and attending funerals. In my 22 years of living, ten family members have died on me. I've had no [...]

Adam Riff™'s Summer Movie Preview Remake (June 3) Adaptation (June 10) Remake (June 10) Prequel (June 15) Sequel (June 22) Adaptation (June 24) Sequel (June 24) Remake (June 29) Remake (July 8) Adaptation (July 8) Remake (July 15) Remake (July 22) Sequel (July 22) Sequel (August 5) Adaptation (August 5) Remake (August 5) Sequel (August [...]

If you had to watch one of the following, which film would you choose? a. Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace b. The Matrix Reloaded c. The Godfather: Part III Adam Robot sent me this endlessly amusing YTMND of Darth Vader saying "Noooooooooo!" at the end of Revenge of the Sith (the audio probably [...]

Holy cannoli! I just saw the program schedule for the 2005 Visual Effects Society Festival in Santa Monica. Day two: a panel on Sin City with visual effects people from Cafe FX, The Orphanage and Hybride a panel on Revenge of the Sith with visual effects people from ILM a conversation with Academy Award-winning visual [...]

What happened to Behrooz? Entertainment Weekly: The producers did plan to show one final scene of the poor put-upon Behrooz being told that his ma was dead. But the scene was edited for time in the finale. The real burning question is whether Kim will ever know her father is still alive.

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on TRL: Eminem being a white rapper, that just means that he has the smallest penis in hip-hop. Well, him and Missy Elliott. Mad magazine was an important part of my childhood. Between the ages of 7 and 14, I devoured every issue and paperback compilation I could find, stealing [...]

More photographs (courtesy of Forest): inside the auditorium

15 of my buddies and I saw Revenge of the Sith at the Cinerama Dome Thursday morning with the good people of LiningUp.net (who reportedly waited outside the "wrong" theatre) and Tom from MySpace. Joe, Matt and I arrived in Hollywood for the midnight screening a tad early (3:00 pm). While killing time playing poker [...]

click for larger image I said it'd be ready on April 19. Then I changed the date to May 1. Then I said Tuesday. Apologies. Everybody I've ever met is currently in Los Angeles for one "E3" or another, so I've been pre-occupied. Anyway, here it is, bitches, just in time for opening day. The [...]

On the heels of the Godfather and Scarface video games... Majesco is adding to their film license titles with the Scorsese classic Taxi Driver. The game will be released next year for upcoming consoles, just in time for the 30th anniversary of the film's release. The "adaptation," as it is, will be shown at E3. [...]

Jack Black has signed on to star in a new film co-written with longtime collaborator Mike White (The School of Rock) and Jared Hess, who wrote and directed Napoleon Dynamite. Inspired by a true story, the film will star Black as a Mexican priest who lives a double life as a masked wrestler to raise [...]

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The Movie. December 2005. Last night, MC Chris played his first show ever in Los Angeles at the Knitting Factory. MC Chris Ownz The Tussin Ten Year Old Evergreen "Bring The Noise" by Public Enemy White Kids Love Hip-Hop Toothpick Spliffs (Remix) "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey Geek Robotdog Tractor Beam [...]

Five things I would be willing to give black kids money for instead of overpriced candy: Girl Scout cookies. Their souls. A rousing performance of "Peaches and Cream" by 112. T-shirts with my face on them. Slaves. I saw a commercial for the ABC Family original movie Romy and Michele: In The Beginning, a prequel [...]

As if they haven't lost all credibility already, the members of Good Charlotte happily pound toy bongos in a television commercial for Donkey Konga 2. Apparently, Good Charlotte's "The Anthem" and "Predictable" are among the popular songs that Nintendo licensed for its rhythm game sequel. Other playable tracks include: "All Star" — Smash Mouth "Boombastic" [...]

A Remington .30-06 rifle is mounted atop a homemade contraption of welded metal and a piece of butcher block, and is attached to a small motor, three video cameras (two linked to the Internet, including the one embedded in the gun scope) and a door lock actuator, like that used in a car. The actuator [...]

The Chain Reaction is a hole-in-the-wall venue in Anaheim that primarily books bands you'd see at Warped Tour. I don't remember why, but I subscribe to the Chain's mailing list. An excerpt from this week's e-mail: yo, so PIEBALD is playing a special show here. its $5. PIMP MY RIDE will be here filming it [...]

I've never understood why white America celebrates Cinco de Mayo. Yeah, it's a pretense to get drunk, but so is Purim, and white people don't make it a point to visit bars and throw parties then. "But we're not Jewish, Jon..." Well, you sure ain't Mexican either. At least St. Patrick's Day relates to heritage.