Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

21. The Perfect Egg Bite (Joe Pera Talks With You, S01E02)

Honourable Mention

  • The Allegory of the Cave (Legion, S02E08)

Stray Observations

  • "'Sup? I'm Mathy Kathy from the mean streets of Fraction Town. Sure, math is tough, but so am I. Listen, kid, sometimes on the streets, stuff doesn't add up. Things can get negative." (Bob's Burgers, S08E20)
  • ♫: "Burobu Theme" (Bob's Burgers, S08E20)
  • "I would marry you on the G train in the summertime when the air conditioning is broken."
    "Damn, really?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E22)
  • "Huh. I have a wife! I finally know how Borat feels." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E22)
  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season Grade: C
  • "Can't you say something to them?"
    "I'm from Hong Kong, asshole." (Westworld, S02E05)
  • Sodegarami (Westworld, S02E05)
  • ♫: Wu-Tang Clan – "C.R.E.A.M." (Westworld, S02E05)
  • ♫: "I Do" (Bob's Burgers, S08E21)
  • Bob's Burgers Season Grade: D
  • Rob Brydon as Richard Nixon (Trust, S01E09)
  • "Are you alive?"
    "I exist in their machine, preserved. Is that alive?" (Legion, S02E08)
  • "Gustavo, you are ruining my cold cut tray." (The Last O.G., S01E08)
  • "You're a whore. Does dad know he married a whore?" (The Americans, S06E09)
  • ♫: APM Music – "New Orleans Funeral" (Brockmire, S02E05)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry


Violent Animals of MS-13

They changed the synopsis!


Idea: A remake of Cool Hand Luke in which Luke is an undocumented DREAMer who refuses to be broken by sadistic guards in a detention facility.

And now, a brief history of Mark Romanek not following through:

2003: Mark Romanek to Direct A Cold Case
2005: Mark Romanek to Direct A Million Little Pieces
2007: Mark Romanek to Direct The Wolfman
2010: Mark Romanek to Direct A Parking Ticket
2011: Mark Romanek to Direct Live-Action Cinderella
2011: Mark Romanek to Direct The Da Vinci Code Sequel
2014: Mark Romanek to Direct Boston Strangler
2014: Mark Romanek to Direct The Shining Prequel
2015: Mark Romanek to Direct Blackbird
2015: Mark Romanek to Direct Norco
2016: Mark Romanek to Direct Septillion to One

Sex gifs

Idea: A wrestling battle royal that's won by earning the most points.

3 points for everyone you eliminate over the top rope, 2 points for everyone you eliminate over the middle rope, 1 point for everyone you eliminate over the bottom rope.

You can be eliminated from the battle royal and still win it.

Roman Reigns and Cody Rhodes are the last two standing. Reigns needs 3 points to beat Brock Lesnar's total, but Cody only needs 1.

Idea: A wrestling match in which a title hangs above the ring, and the longer you pin down or hold an opponent in a submission, the lower the title descends for you to grab. Once said opponent kicks out or breaks your hold, the title retracts up.

Eater's Digest: Billings, MT 2

Previously on Adam Riff™ (Aug 2015):


Flying Saucer (King's Hat Drive-In)
King's Hat is a fast food drive-through known for its sealed burgers.

April 2018
king's hat drive-in / wilcoxson's ice cream / camelot ranch / the burger dive / topz sandwich company / caramel cookie waffles / pie guys pizzeria / lilac / walkers

Aaaaaat laaaaaaaaaast…

Flying Burger (King's Hat Drive-In)

^ Reminded me of an elementary school hot lunch McDonald's hamburger.

Fries (King's Hat Drive-In)
—How are these fresh-cut fries so much better than In-N-Out's?

Huckleberry Ice Cream Sandwich (Wilcoxson's Ice Cream)

Adam Robot's Wedding Cake (Oceanias Confections)
chocolate, lemon, raspberry
—Damn good cake.

The "Best of the Bash" Burger (The Burger Dive)
blackened seasoning, smooth goat cheese, bacon, onion ring, arugula, sriracha sauce, garlic basil mayonnaise

It took "the best of the bash" at the prestigious Food Network South Beach Wine and Food Festival Burger Bash.

^ Best at failing its murderer's row of components.

"San Fran Fries" Garlic Fries (The Burger Dive)
shredded parmesan cheese, garlic, fresh parsley, olive oil
—You, sir, are no San Fran garlic fries.

Is this, like, a Mexican cheesesteak?

Beef Queso Sandwich (TopZ Sandwich Company)
hot roast beef topped with jalapeños and our white cheddar queso, toasted

^ The queso was bland, and its blandness overwhelmed everything else.

(TopZ)'s "unique" house chips are store-bought tortilla rounds dusted in garlic powder?

They, too, were bland.

Oh, a play on a Reuben.

Pastrami-Smoked Pork Belly (Lilac)
beer-glazed brussels sprouts, rye gruyère crumble, gochujang russian dressing

^ Disappointingly more of a Brussels sprouts dish with bits of pork belly.

Tuna Tartare (Lilac)
chili vinaigrette, shaved foie gras, pickled cucumber

^ Perplexing. Seemingly unseasoned raw tuna covered in shaved liver with pickled cucumber on the side?

Pretzels and Popcorn (Lilac)
salted soft pretzels, caramel sauce, aged white cheddar, popcorn ice cream

^ Popcorn-flavoured ice cream covered in shaved cheese with soft pretzels on the side, on the other hand, is [Italian chef kiss].

Bourbon Street Pasta (Walkers)
linguine pasta, sweet peppers, tomatoes, andouille sausage, roasted chicken, shrimp
—I did not expect this to be light. A Cajun pasta with no cream sauce?

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Black Forest Cheesecake (Walkers)
chocolate cheesecake, flathead cherry gel, white chocolate crémeux, chocolate soil
–I did not expect this to be deconstructed. Wyd, (Walkers) chefs?

Pear Mule (Walkers)
pear absolut, crushed basil, lime, ginger beer


The "I'm Your Huckleberry" Burger (The Burger Dive)
world food championships "burger champion" burger, huckleberry hatch chili barbecue sauce, bacon, goat cheese, arugula, roasted red pepper mayo

The "Date with Jim Beam and Coke" Burger (The Burger Dive)
world food championships "burger champion" burger, bourbon date and coke barbecue sauce, roasted garlic, arugula, smoked gouda, garlic basil mayo


Karate Artery

Jon: guh
Jon: i prefer the brighter blue frames, but worry that i'll look like graham elliot

Drew: do they come in clear?
Jon: yes, but one of my co-workers wears clear glasses
Jon: i don't want to seem like i'm single white female-ing him

Drew: there are no brick and mortar places near you that carry them?
Jon: maybe the darker blue frames…

Jon: i can't return prescription glasses that i order online, but i could order both frames without lenses, return one, and lens the frames i kept at, like, costco

Jon: $166 for both frames
Jon: 10% restocking fee
Jon: $25 for costco to lens an outside frame
Jon: single vision lenses starting at $60
Drew: it might be cheaper to buy both frames with lenses and keep them both

Drew: michelle suggests that an army green color would go well with your skin tone and coloring
Drew: not sure if that is racist or not

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

20. Ear (Trust, S01E08)

Stray Observations

  • "When Hairy Met Smoothie: Smoothies and Hair Removal." (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • "She was going through something. I'm not allowed to say what, but it rhymes with 'botched shmemorrhoid surgery.'" (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • "Describe him."
    "Good-looking, but not too good-looking, like the Planters Peanut." (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • Mr. Robot (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • "She's heading towards downtown."
    "Where the young professionals are. They love smoothies and hair removal." (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • "That is not easy to look at."
    "It's like something you dance around at Burning Man." (Bob's Burgers, S08E18)
  • "Was it an Asian woman with amazing hair?" (Killing Eve, S01E06)
  • "You live only as long as the last person who remembers you." (Westworld, S02E04)
  • "They said there were two fathers – one above, one below. They lied. There was only ever the devil, and when you look up from the bottom, it was just his reflection laughing back down at you." (Westworld, S02E04)
  • "I am so full of crudité!" (Bob's Burgers, S08E19)
  • "I can't believe my last meal was crudité!" (Bob's Burgers, S08E19)
  • ♫: "Mommies Are the Best" (Bob's Burgers, S08E19)
  • Did he kill an actual lamb? (Trust, S01E08)
  • "I don't want to talk to Gilfoyle. He's a racist and a witch."
    "I'm not a witch." (Silicon Valley, S05E08)
  • "How would you like to die today, motherfucker?" (Silicon Valley, S05E08)
  • "I'll host the fucking brunches!" (Silicon Valley, S05E08)
  • Silicon Valley Season Grade: D
  • "Cut him up into manageable pieces. No one likes lugging around 50 kilos of torso." (Barry, S01E08)
  • "So I burned a CD for this very moment. Apocalypse Now, motherfucker."
    [plays CD]
    "What the fuck is this?"
    "That's 'Flight of the Bumblebee.'" (Barry, S01E08)
  • "So essentially with these men trying to pit two crime organizations against each other, thus reaping the benefits of their demise, much like the Kurosawa movie Yojimbo. I'll open it up to some questions."
    "Michael Leslie, KNX News Radio. Can you spell Yojimbo, please?"
    "…such films as Rashoman, famous for…"
    "…K-U-R-O-S-A-W-A. Anything else?"
    "Yes. Was Yojimbo his only film?" (Barry, S01E08)
  • Barry Season Grade: A
  • Black-ish Season Grade: C
  • "Really, just take a small toke. It's not that strong. It's so weak, they call it 'Gun Control in America.'" (New Girl, S07E07)
  • "Or I strap on a spare patch, and Nick marries a sexy fly." (New Girl, S07E07)
  • "Merle said he's not publishing Chicago Hobo, and then a bird pooed on me.
    "What do you mean he won't publish it?"
    "Where's the bird? I'll poo on him." (New Girl, S07E07)
  • Robert Smigel (New Girl, S07E07)
  • "You wouldn't believe how good I am at fitting multiple things into small spaces. I'm a bento box boy!" (New Girl, S07E08)
  • "I tore my anus." (New Girl, S07E08)
  • "I got to say, I really like foot lotion."
    "Thank you."
    "They should make more foot lotion for your hand – foot lotion hand." (New Girl, S07E08)
  • New Girl Season Grade: D
  • "Ask yourself: What's more terrifying: Fear, or the frightened?" (Legion, S02E07)
  • "I've never even heard of it."
    "That's because it's on some designer drug shipment. Brooklyn-exclusive, man, but it's about to be popping everywhere soon."
    "I saw this on Vice. It's real." (The Last O.G., S01E07)
  • "You promised me a brothel, Hiram." (Riverdale, S02E22)
  • Riverdale Season Grade: D
  • Roy Rogers (The Americans, S06E08)
  • "I got something for you."
    [it's food] (The Americans, S06E08)
  • "I'm just glad my sons have my husband's name."
    "Isn't Norm's last name 'Glasscock'?"
    "Yeah… My grandson Harry has a scar where a bully threw a glass dildo at his head. Do you know how hard it is to find a glass dildo in the Ozarks?" (Brockmire, S02E04)
  • "Harlot want a cracker?" (Brockmire, S02E04)
  • ♫: System of a Down – "Chop Suey!" (Saturday Night Live, S43E21)
  • Saturday Night Live Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry


God Friended Me

Oh, that's Donnie Yen in a fat suit playing Sammo Hung's character in the original?

A legendary Yahoo! Answer becomes a major motion picture! [source]

The Selfie From Hell movie might be good – although given that its IMDb page contains the lines "Julia, an online vlogger from Germany" and "She … finds herself immersed deep in the web – too deep" let's not get our hopes up.

Smiley [2012]
If someone on Chatroulette types "I did it for the lulz" three times in a row, they're visited by a murderer with a smiley emoji for a face, who then stabs them to death. Guess what? The murderer is Anonymous.

How did I miss this film?

My owner, the hero.

Cus Crise

Billing Ken Griffey Jr. above Barry Bonds for an event in Napa Valley?

Dan the Automator should reconcile with Prince Paul beforehand and bring him out to perform "Metaphysical" with Mike D while Aarón Sánchez makes bionicos.

Oh, Automator and Paul have reconciled.

Wikipedia » Handsome Boy Modeling School:

As of February 2018, the two reportedly have reunited, and plan to release a new album.


I wonder what MC Paul Barman is up to.

Oh, shit, he's dropping an album on June 22!

?uestlove produced six tracks, Mark Ronson one.

June 2018: New Kanye West, Drake, Travis Scott, Nicki Minaj, Nas, Kid Cudi, and MC Paul Barman.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

19. Speedballing (Patrick Melrose, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

  • Barry and Chris in the car (Barry, S01E07)
  • David watches a mouse sing Bryan Ferry's "Slave to Love" (Legion, S02E06)
  • Marilyn's post-mortem fate (The Americans, S06E07)

Stray Observations

  • "That's impossible!"
    "You know I hate the word 'impossible' unless it's immediately followed by the words 'ghost' and 'protocol.'" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E20)
  • Speed Racer (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E20)
  • "I don't get the internet with my Netscape Blip." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E20)
  • "Oh, my God, they're in a penis punch 69!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E20)
  • ♫: Sitar-driven "Seven Nation Army" (Westworld, S02E03)
  • The Last Man on Earth Season Grade: C
  • "Richard, adversity is a great teacher, just like cigarette burns." (Silicon Valley, S05E07)
  • "Paul, let me show you something. Do you know what a hammer is?"
    "And do you know what a nail is?"
    "Well, that, young man, is all you need to know about crucifixion." (Trust, S01E07)
  • "Do you want to know what happened to this poor fellow here? It was perfectly unpleasant." (Trust, S01E07)
  • Subtitles crumbling and collapsing (Trust, S01E07)
  • Rob Delaney (Trust, S01E07)
  • "Recently, our dear friend Ryan Madison was taken away from us too soon. Because of this, all of the proceeds from tonight's show will go towards the fight against violence." (Barry, S01E07)
  • "Alapse, poor pbpbpb. Fuck. Forgot my line." (Barry, S01E07)
  • "So anyway, I'm on the back of a Jet Ski with Cornel West, and he tells me, 'Hey, you're leaning too far to the left.' I said, 'No, you leaning too far to the left."
    "Oh! I see what you did. I see it."
    "Y'all talking about Cornel West?" (New Girl, S07E05)
  • ♫: Noah Hawley and Jeff Russo – "I'd Love to Change the World" (Legion, S02E06)
  • A Clockwork Orange (Legion, S02E06)
  • "In the ancient days, mankind built a tower so high that it threatened to touch Heaven, and God cursed us with foreign language, misunderstanding, and the inability to communicate. But I know what's in the heart of every man, woman and child on this Earth. Gone is the confusion, the division. I am the great uniter." (Legion, S02E06)

(Legion, S02E06)

  • ♫: Noah Hawley and Jeff Russo – "Superman" (Legion, S02E06)
  • Arrow Cheryl (Riverdale, S02E21)
  • "Untie her, you Serpent hag." (Riverdale, S02E21)
  • ♫: grandson – "Blood // Water" (Riverdale, S02E21)
  • "You're a brown Joe Buck."
    "Ha ha ha. No. Joe Buck is a white me." (Brockmire, S02E03)
  • "I also represent some actors. I have four clients on Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta right now." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Is that beer?"
    "[pause] Nah…" (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "I know you sell weed, so you don't care about time."
    "True." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "This school is awful!" (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "When you piss, do you go straight through the zipper or do you go over the boxers?"
    "Over the boxers."
    "Yeah, me too. But is that the right way, though?"
    "I don't think so." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Mr. X?" (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Do you think there's a black lawyer who's as good as your cousin?"
    "There definitely is, but, um, part of being good at your job are your connections, and black people just don't have the connections that my cousin has – for systemic reasons." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Y'all take RushCards?" (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "I see you, man. I see you learning. But learning requires failure. Al just trying to make sure you ain't failing in…in his life. You know, like, y'all both black, so, I mean, y'all both can't afford to fail."
    "Do Nigerians get a chance to fail?"
    "Hey, don't you start that. You know Nigerians don't fail." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • RT: Darius subtly wearing a gold grill to get his passport photo (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Niggas do not care about us, man. Niggas gonna do whatever they gotta do to survive 'cause they ain't got no choice. We ain't got no choice either. You my family, Earn. Yeah, you…you're the only one that knows what I'm about. You give a fuck. I need that." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • ♫: Nina Simone – "I Shall Be Released" (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • "Listen, man, I got Chinese food with a side of chocolate." (Atlanta, S02E11)
  • Atlanta Season Grade: A

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Barry