The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2014

'Tis some fights before Christmas to watch in your house.

10. Wallace vs. Howard Howe (Tusk)
Kevin Smith [director] — All right, so here's the third act. He then goes and puts on his suit, you know, made of human skins, and so you realize he's done this before. So he's in it, you're in yours, and you guys have to have one of them walrus fights, like on the beach, where you slam each other.

9. Edwards vs. Bar Patron (The Knick)
Shot in part with a rig on Andre Holland's back.


8. May vs. May (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)
Dat head smash!

7. Go Geon-soo vs. Park Chang-min (A Hard Day)
No one does visceral brutality like Koreans.


6. Schmidt vs. Mercedes (22 Jump Street)
Lord and Miller [directors] — The scene was supposed to be them having a big, knock-out fist fight. And then, it's like weird and scary in a movie to see a man hit a woman, and could a woman provoke a man enough to where it might not seem so weird. After a couple of takes, their chemistry was so strong, we just said, well, what if you tried to kiss him? What you see in the movie is basically what happened after we said that. They improvised this whole, crazy kiss fight.


5. The Mountain vs. The Viper (Game of Thrones)
The best fight ending of 2014.

4. K-29 vs. Crazy Monkey (The Wrath of Vajra)
Crazy Monkey is played by famed Korean street dancer Poppin' Hyun Joon. A lot of this fight looks like wire work, but most of it was done in camera – no tricks.

3. Jack Crawford vs. Hannibal Lecter (Hannibal)
Bryan Fuller [showrunner] — After we finished the fight sequence with Hannibal and Tobias Budge, Laurence Fishburne came up to me and said, "You know, I trained like crazy for all the fight sequences in the Matrix movies. I'm pretty good at those too." So we honoured that request.

2. Ha Hou-mou vs. Fung Yu-sau (Kung Fu Jungle)
Smash Bros. x Toad's Turnpike.

1. Rama vs. The Assassin (The Raid 2)
While the ending of Whiplash is the most thrilling bit of film I saw this year, the second half of this fight – after The Assassin busts out his karambits – is 1A.


see also:

Black Me Out

What has two thumbs and was retweeted by Ryan Phillippe and Bow Wow this past weekend?

Juliette Lewis favourited the Phillippe tweet.

I tried playing New Super Mario Bros Wii with B's seven-year-old daughter, but she struggled to use a d-pad, and I realized that she grew up with touchscreens and motion control.

Idea: Fitbit, but for cursing. Track your profanity usage.

Songs containing car horns (e.g. "i" by Kendrick Lamar) should be banned from radio play. It's disorienting.

My brother only drinks sparkling water now.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

51. Society's Lies (The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)


Stray Observations

  • The complete No-No List (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Hey. No nose hair trimming."
    "Well, I hope you like nostril bush." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Is it something you can hear Garfield saying? If so, it's glib." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "My keeping things light and being Garfieldian is the only reason we don't fight." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Charles Boyle calls people 'baby' when he gets angry." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • Brassiere in a paper bag (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "I like your hair. It matches your teeth." (Bob's Burgers, S05E07)
  • "You don't screw with a tri-delt." (Getting On, S02E06)
  • Getting On Season Grade: C+
  • MasterChef Junior Season Grade: C


(Black Mirror: White Christmas)

  • Black Mirror: White Christmas Grade: C+
  • Asylum! (American Horror Story, S04E10)
  • "You know what I see when I look at you spewing your shit? A dinosaur, roaring at monkeys sailing by, on bikes, with iPads." (Babylon, S01E06)
  • All the Emmys for Bertie Carvel (Babylon, S01E06)
  • The timing of this show… (Babylon, S01E06)
  • Babylon Season Grade: B
  • An Annotated List of Every Single Person Who Sang in the Colbert Finale (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)
  • Vaping Lincoln (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)
  • "I'm getting angry at liberals." (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)


(The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)

  • "Life begins when Ryan Phillippe is horny and ladies be ovulating." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)
  • The Amazing Race: Blind Dates? (The Amazing Race, S25E12)
  • The Amazing Race Season Grade: C
  • "Really?"
    "With Seth and Amy." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E20)
  • Comedy Bang! Bang! Season Grade: C+
  • Toby Keith and Tim Meadows on both Colbert and Ferguson's finales (The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12-19-14)

#clipoftheweek


Tell 'em we don't die, we multiply

I asked B's seven-year-old daughter what she wants for Christmas.

—Dinner at Gary Danko.

[spit-take]

—You're too young to eat there.
—Noo, I ate at Plumed Horse…

—You bring your children to Michelin-starred restaurants?


At supermarkets in my area, you can buy pre-packed bags of non-perishable goods to drop in donation bins. It's perverse altruism, like corporations buying carbon offsets.


[pause]

"California Lottery Scratchers make the perfect holiday gift."

But what if the scratchers you give don't yield any money?

Are there special holiday scratchers where everyone is a winner? And if so, most prizes can't possibly be very much – medium fries, maybe a breakfast sandwich.

Simply go to your nearest Lottery retailer, pick up a Golden Greeting envelope along with your Lottery gift purchase… [source]

Just regular scratchers. Trick or treat.

B: You're giving fun. The gift is fun. Winning money is a bonus.
Jon: Fun…

Jon: Would you rather receive scratchers, or a word search and some cash?


If I give my story to the world, I wonder if they'd book me for a show

WONKA
A dark reimagining of the Willy Wonka story beginning in World War II and culminating with his takeover of the chocolate factory.

The Black List is an annual survey of Hollywood's "most liked" unproduced screenplays.

I AM RYAN REYNOLDS
An inside look at the marriage, career, and mental state of 2010's Sexiest Man Alive.

1000 Deaths

I hear nothing but terrible things about office holiday parties, but just once in my life, I would like to attend one.

My current job, the staff is scattered around the country.

Before this job, long-term unemployment.

Before that, I temped at the headquarters of a chain steakhouse, handling seasonal gift card sales. As a temp, I was not invited to the office holiday party. Instead, I ate at Chipotle and saw The King's Speech.

Before that, I worked in a gadget manufacturer's American satellite office. During my tenure, my boss never employed more than three people at once and understandably did not bother with office holiday parties.

Before that, more long-term unemployment.

And before that, office holiday parties for my job in college always conflicted with class. One year, I created foamcore decorations for the party, which I was told were a hit.


Livestrong bracelet, heh.

So yeah. Someday my office holiday party will come.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

50. Black people can't be racist (Black-ish, S01E10)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Presents is like old people third base."
    "No, that's rubbing butts together." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E10)
  • "Caesar salad with tater tots instead of croutons." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E10)
  • "Who's your favourite president?"
    "Bill Pullman." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "Christmas magic is wine?"
    "It's whatever you want it to be. It can be snow, or Santa, or beer, or gin, or rum, or schnapps." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I thought this was a disco."
    "That's Wednesdays. Thursdays, we watch Scandal." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I'm here every Friday night. And Thursdays. I love Scandal." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I want your big hairy nuts." (Getting On, S02E05)
  • Matt Berry cuts off Josh Homme's nose (Toast of London, S02E06)
  • "I'm going back home to Long Island, the birthplace of the female crew cut." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "It's Christmas."
    "Oh, I didn't know that. I thought they just did a black version of Annie for no reason." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "Hey, let's wait in the first class lounge, like the other HBO Go subscribers." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • Pervert Santa is Mr. Belding?! (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "It was worse than the last season of Scrubs. A teaching hospital? Come on." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "I'm-a cut you and Michael Cera's baby!" (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • "Calling all the fighting spirits of every black martial artist in the universe: Jar Jar Binks, Wendy Williams, Panthro from the ThunderCats." (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • "Ron Artest?"
    "Hey, fool, my name is Tiny Lister." (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • A doll warehouse? (Sons of Anarchy, S07E13)
  • Vic Mackey, heh (Sons of Anarchy, S07E13)
  • Sons of Anarchy Season Grade: C-
  • It's car product placement week on Fox-produced sitcoms (Modern Family, S06E10)
  • "Santa was the first white man I ever loved." (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "The White House was just that – white – until one man broke through and gave my people hope – Dennis Haysbert in 24." (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "Mexican female Santa?! No! Too far from the box! Get closer! Closer to the box!" (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "Goddamn it, I was so close to a nut." (American Horror Story, S04E09)
  • Dandy channeling Yeezus (American Horror Story, S04E09)
  • T-2Pac (South Park, S18E10)


Iggy Azalea (South Park, S18E10)

  • "I am trending into something more than human. I am becoming…trendsgender" – best callback (South Park, S18E10)
  • South Park Season Grade: C+
  • Key and Peele Season Grade: C-
  • Death, taxes, Nigella's team being eliminated first (The Taste, S03E02)
  • "Hey, when you take a wiz, do you get a sense of khalifa?" (The Eric Andre Show, S03E06)
  • "311 never happened." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E06)
  • "1 877 kars for kids." (Saturday Night Live, S40E09)
  • "It's rows and rows of little Filipino ladies." (Saturday Night Live, S40E09)
  • "Someone just mistook her for Mila Kunis."
    "Yes, you do look like Mila! Doesn't she? Yes, yes. And you look like someone famous as well."
    "Really…"
    "Yeah. Who is it?"
    "I know who it is."
    "It's a movie star, isn't it?"
    "Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It's Jude Law." (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • Allison Tolman! (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • "Don't get hung up on any one woman. Not worth it. You know what pussy is spelled backwards? Wise up." (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • Hello Ladies: The Movie Grade: B-


(Homeland, S04E06)

  • "You point your finger at Islam, but if Christianity is to be judged by the misery it has caused mankind, who would ever be a Christian?"
    "I'm a Jew." (Homeland, S04E07)
  • "Afghanistan."
    "The graveyard of empires." (Homeland, S04E07)
  • "I am authorized to kill U.S. citizens on the battlefield, you motherfucker. Don't think I can't do whatever is required. Don't think that I won't." (Homeland, S04E09)

#clipoftheweek


Christian Fitness

$2 Holiday Customer Appreciation, $3 Select, $4 Lunch, Simple $6 Menu – how many ways can Subway put lipstick on a six-inch sandwich?

A six-inch sandwich from Subway is barely food. If $5 footlongs aren't sustainable, how about a $5 nine-inch sandwich? 3/4 4 $5!