Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

48. Staple Gun (Getting On, S03E03)

Stray Observations

Stray Observations

  • "A doula is someone who supports you emotionally and physically and coaches you through the process."
    "Oh, I see. So sort of like a vaginal Gandalf." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E08)
  • "Prayer circle by the solar panels." (The Walking Dead, S06E07)
  • "I'm coming." (The Last Man on Earth, S02E08)
  • I call for a moratorium on using "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed (The Last Man on Earth, S02E08)
  • Why does computer-generated blood still look so terrible? (Into the Badlands, S01E02)
  • "She just wants to promote her homeopathic vaginal cream made out of oyster shells, Cocoa Puffs, and hummus." (Getting On, S03E03)
  • "The world is not at war with women."
    "I'm in Pakistan. Shoot me in the head. I'm in India. Rape me. I'm in Saudi Arabia. Don't let me drive. I'm Kenyan now. Cut out my genitalia. I'm a Filipino nanny in Dubai. Beat me." (Getting On, S03E03)
  • "Who wants to man my anal horn booth?" (Getting On, S03E03)

(WWE Raw, 11-23-15)

(WWE Raw, 11-23-15)

  • ♫: Jethro Tull – "Locomotive Breath" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • RT: One of the murdered Gerhardt affiliate characters was named Roost Bolton (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "In astronomy, the word 'revolution' means 'a celestial object that comes full circle,' which, if you think about it, is pretty funny, considering here on Earth, it means 'change.'" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "Walk her out, huh?"
    "What about you?"
    "I'm not saying don't come back…" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "So this need for conquest, you know, trying to own things that aren't meant to be owned…"
    "Like people?"
    "That's an example…" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • Ron Swanson is "The Breakfast King of Loyola," heh (Fargo, S02E07)
  • RT: Because nothing says "we are totally not transporting drugs and weapons" like naming your business Legit Trucking (Fargo, S02E07)
  • ♫: White Denim – "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)" (Fargo, S02E07)
  • "Timothy Olyphant is…Rake Grinder." (The Grinder, S01E08)
  • "The Big Easy…just got hard." (The Grinder, S01E08)
  • "That's not a baby bump. That's a poo belly!" (Scream Queens, S01E10)

Arnold Schwarzenegger's son (Scream Queens, S01E10)

  • "When you next look at this liquid, you will realize that it's not whiskey you've been drinking your whole life, but your mother's feces."
    "Sometimes this comes a bit too easily to you." (The Knick, S02E07)
  • Ping Wu orgasming while sucking Bono's daughter's toes (The Knick, S02E07)
  • "You should be pregnant!" (The Knick, S02E07)


Eater's Digest: Vancouver, BC 2

Previously on Adam Riff™: Eater's Digest: Vancouver, BC

October 2015
tacofino commissary / papparoti / terra breads / laurelle's fine foods / hawksworth / bella gelateria / purebread / phnom penh / tuc craft kitchen / ask for luigi / meat and bread

Crispy Chicken Taco (Tacofino Commissary)
black chili mayo, brussels sprout kimchi, radish sprouts, radish, green onion

Chicken karaage, to be exact.

Tuna Taco (Tacofino Commissary)
soy, sesame, wakame, ginger, wasabi mayo

This taco can't decide if it wants to be a taco or poke, and suffers as a result.

Pork Jowl Taco (Tacofino Commissary)
cabbage, fried shallot, pineapple, sriracha

Banana Churros (Tacofino Commissary)
ibarra chocolate, banana sriracha ice cream

Grape Bread (Terra Breads)
pine nuts, walnuts

Grapes are an underused pastry ingredient. Why do we settle for raisins?

Hawksworth was named the best restaurant in Vancouver, and the second best restaurant in all of Canada.

Chef Hawksworth loves green apple.

Yellowfin Tuna (Hawksworth)
kombu pickled cucumber, yuzu soda

A seemingly seamless sphere of tuna.

Hamachi Sashimi (Hawksworth)
yuzu kosho, tangerine, kohlrabi, shiso, crispy potato

Raw fish and curly fries? Delicious, actually.

Foie Gras Crème Brûlée (Hawksworth)
beet, orange, gingerbread

This ain't no crème brûlée I've ever seen.

Scallops Baked in Bone Marrow (Hawksworth)
parsley, brioche, lemon

Faloodeh Sorbetto (Bella Gelateria)
—Rose water sorbet with rice noodles mixed in – a play on one of the earliest known frozen desserts.

Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey Gelato (Bella Gelateria)
Banana Bread Gelato (Bella Gelateria)

Adults Only Cookie (Purebread)
dark chocolate, sea salt, rosemary

The rosemary adds a mint flavour. It's a mint chocolate cookie without mint.

Lemon Chèvre Brownie (Purebread)
—Lemon-flavoured goat cheese in a brownie is odd, but works.

Chocolate Coconut Cream Bundt Cake (Purebread)
—Not the Nanaimo bar in cake form that I thought it might be.

Raspberry Mocha Loaf (Purebread)

Marinated Butter Beef (Phnom Penh)
—Vietnamese carpaccio. A tad too sweet for me.

Beef Brisket and Pork Crackling Sandwich (Tuc Craft Kitchen)
double r ranch brisket, sourdough bread, dijon mustard, assorted pickles, salsa verde, served with smashed potato fries

Its parts are better than the sum.

Crispy Bucantini and Fontina Crocchette (Ask For Luigi)
—Classier deep-fried mac and cheese.


Matcha and Dark Chocolate Butter (Churn)
—That's butter flavoured with matcha and dark chocolate.

Nanaimo Bar Spring Roll (Noodlebox)
coconut dipping sauce

Deep-Fried Nanaimo Bar (Pirate Chips)


Eater's Digest: Seattle 3

Previously on Adam Riff™:

October 2015
eden hill / crumble and flake / li'l woody's / kraken congee / mammoth / hot cakes / pie bar / joule / nue / slab sandwiches and pie / salumi / pizzeria gabbiano

—What is a hydro-ceramic technician?

[googles "hydro-ceramic technician"]

—Oh. He's a dishwasher.

Lick the Bowl (Eden Hill)
foie gras cake batter, strawberry chips, vanilla, salted pound cake

Baby Beets (Eden Hill)
balsamic honey emulsion, sharp cheddar dust, farro, pumpkin yogurt, harissa

Pig Belly Confit Salad (Eden Hill)
pickled grape, horseradish, celeriac, honey cayenne cashew

Sugar Pumpkin Ricotta Gnocchi (Eden Hill)
crispy kale sprouts, sage creme fraiche, manchego, pepita

Ricotta Donut (Eden Hill)
buttered popcorn, salted goat milk caramel, marcona almond, orange peel


Crispy Pig Head Candybar (Eden Hill)
merlot cabbage, serrano, pear and champagne soup

It's a croquette.

Walnut Prawns
miso cured broccoli, fir tip syrup, candied walnut sponge cake

Fancy Chinese food.

Peach and Goat Cheese Danish (Crumble and Flake)
I will eat anything that contains goat cheese.

Crack Fries (Li'l Woody's)
hand cut fries with a bit of milkshake to dip in

I learned after the fact that dipping fries in a milkshake is something people do at Wendy's?

I assumed that the crack fries would be a tried-and-true pairing, but was asked to select a milkshake flavour.

—Mint chip?!

I selected Sub Pop (coffee, chocolate espresso beans, caramel).

Bang Bang Shrimp Pinch Buns (Kraken Congee)
cucumber, peppers, chives

Never mind the congee*, it's all about these buns filled with trash Chinese food.

Jon: What does your housemade five-spice soda taste like?
Server: It's like five-spice broth, but carbonated.
Jon: [winces]

* as seen on CNBC's Restaurant Startup

Hash (Joule)
potato hash, chili remoulade, smoked mackerel salad

Joule's brunch is interesting. Your order an entrée and supplement it at a modest buffet that rotates themes monthly. At my brunch, the buffet was a Persian buffet.

Nue: Food of the world.

Balut – Vietnamese Hot Vit Lon (Nue)
developed duck egg, assorted herbs, salt, pepper, lime juice

My first balut. I braced for the worst, but was served was a much less developed duck embryo than ones I've seen on Survivor. It was also overcooked, so it was like eating a liver-y hard-boiled egg with unusual textures.

Korean Bibam Naengmyeon (Nue)
spicy, chilled buckwheat and sweet potato noodles; lotus root, shiitake mushroom, daikon, carrot, cucumber, egg, toasted sesame, scallion, fried shallot, pineapple gochujang sauce

The best thing I ate in Seattle this trip.

Maracas Shark and Bake (Nue)
pacific cod, green seasoning, fry bread, cabbage slaw, tamarind and habanero chili sauces, coconut corn cobette

A fish sandwich with stunning bread.

Grilled Barbados Pig Tails (Nue)
jerk glaze, cilantro

Stick to your teeth.

Mexican Street Corn-Flavoured Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream (Nue)
Carried by its crunchy corn topping.

Pineapple Cornbread (Nue)
pineapple, coconut, butter

Tony: These chips I bought are really spicy. You want to try one?
Jon: Sure. [grabs chip from bowl]
Tony: Erm, not that one. I took a bite of it and couldn't… It was really spicy.
Jon: Oh. Yeah, this is really spicy.

In my search for pie, I stumbled upon Slab, whose dessert pies are sandwiches. And, like ice cream cookie sandwiches, they are difficult to eat without squeezing filling out.

Seasonal Fruit Slab Pie with Turbinado Sugar (Slab Sandwiches and Pie)
peaches, blueberries, vanilla, golden corn crusts

Smore Slab (Slab Sandwiches and Pie)
smoked marshmallow, chocolate ganache

PB Chicha (Slab Sandwiches and Pie)
peanut butter cookies, peanut butter mousse, chicharrones

Peanut butter and pig skin sandwich cookies.


Geoduck Crudo (Eden Hill)
sorbet of cucumber, celery, and gin; evergreen huckleberry and umeboshi relish, red shiso, radish, chive

Ebbets Field Burger (Li'l Woody's)
honey mustard, cracker jacks, swiss, bacon, ⅓ lb. patty, pretzel bun

Beer and Peanuts Milkshake (Li'l Woody's)


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

47. Calzone Cadaver (Nathan for You, S03E06)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Heidi Fleiss Capades." (Bob's Burgers, S06E05)

"My cover makes me invisible." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)

  • "My butt is so serious, it should be wearing spectacles." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)
  • "Okay, for the last time, Orangina is not orange soda!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E07)
  • "Move aside, Ed." (Gotham, S02E09)
  • Ted Danson talking about crime scene investigation (Fargo, S02E06)
  • "You're talking about farm boys, who've never been face to face with a serious man before."
    "Whereas I stared down Chiang Kai-shek." (Fargo, S02E06)
  • Karl Weathers (Fargo, S02E06)
  • ♫: Blitzen Trapper – "Man of Constant Sorrow" (Fargo, S02E06)
  • Todd pronouncing Farouk's last name (The Grinder, S01E07)
  • "Pearl Jam?! That's what I'm calling mayonnaise from now on." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Why do you look like a taxi cab?"
    "I'm straight-edge ska now. Happy skanksgiving." (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Why do you smell like a Korean hotel?" (Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Get those off the wine bottles and back on the damn gourds!" Fresh Off the Boat, S02E08)
  • "Sacagawea taught the pilgrims how to make cranberry sauce and then, like, sang 'Blue Corn Moon' or something." (Scream Queens, S01E09)
  • "Nice shirt."
    "Thank you. You know what it's made out of?"
    "Boyfriend material." (Scream Queens, S01E09)
  • Of course Kurt Sutter's character self-immolates. Of course (The Bastard Executioner, S01E10)
  • The Bastard Executioner Season Grade: D-
  • "I respect you vloggers and bloggers and you whatevers." (Empire, S02E08)
  • "This is not a bad haircut. This is the starting five for the San Antonio Spurs." (Black-ish, S02E08)
  • "That's such a Rhonda way of looking at things." (Black-ish, S02E08)
  • ♫: The Cure – "Lullaby" (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • Rudolph Valentino is a vampire (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • F. W. Murnau is the vampire who turned Rudolph Valentino (American Horror Story, S05E07)
  • "That's why I made you this condolence hummus. My own tears are mixed in with the cumin." (The League, S07E11)
  • "I heard they [Jews] chew on your shoelaces."
    "Uhhh, I think that's goats." (The League, S07E11)

"First, we find this piece of shit doctor that killed her."
"Ooh, he looks exactly like a piece of shit."
"I'm gonna be honest. I couldn't find a picture of the doctor, so I took a picture of my shit in scrubs."
"Where'd you find those little tiny scrubs?"
"Oh. No, that's a four-foot shit." (The League, S07E11)

  • "Be lei'd to rest in Hawaii." (Nathan for You, S03E06)
  • "In this post-Pearl Harbor world, people don't trust their fellow man the way they once did." (Nathan for You, S03E06)
  • "Is that…?"
    "Your spiritual centre, Ash. The place that makes you most happy."
    "Jacksonville, Florida." (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E04)
  • "I've always wanted to spend time in the city so nice they named it 'Jacksonville.'" (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E04)
  • "Jessica Jones, you are a hard-drinking, short-fused mess of a woman, but you are not a piece of shit." (Jessica Jones, S01E06)
  • "Backseat Freestyle" (Jessica Jones, S01E06)
  • "I want cake!" (Jessica Jones, S01E08)
  • "Bitches, right?" (Jessica Jones, S01E08)
  • "I got hit with a People's Choice Award." (Jessica Jones, S01E11)
  • "'Horse fetishists in Central Park.'"
    "'Magic word is wankers.'" (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • "I hope they have free express shipping in Heaven." (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • "You really are a little anal crumpet, aren't you?" (Jessica Jones, S01E12)
  • Jessica Jones Season Grade: D+


Sound and Colour

I am chuffed (I think) to present Backwash, a podcast by Adam Robot and I.

1. Magnifying Glass / Parking Brake
2. With Bob and David / Sketch Comedy
3. Cassette Tape Revival / VCR Plus / LaserDisc
4. Late Night Talk Show Hosts
5. Michael Rapaport's Laugh

Adam Robot is higher on episode one than I am. I think it's hit–and–miss, but…onward and upward.

We are on pace to release an episode weekly.


All in the Family

As you head down to baggage claim in terminal one at LAX, you are greeted by Vin Diesel hang-gliding an attack helicopter.

1. Hobbs

2. Young Han Seoul-Oh

3. Evil Letty


As head of the Mobility Division of the Special Air Service, Owen Shaw specialized in a unique brand of "vehicular warfare," operating military vehicles and displaying a high degree of competency in motor mechanics and repair, as well as being an expert at desert warfare. [source]

5. The continuing misadventures of Tego and Rico

6. Mr. Nobody × Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

7. Tokyo Drift 2: Clay, Sean's adversary at the beginning of Tokyo Drift, surfaces in Japan seeking revenge on Sean for ruining his life. Parlay this sequel into a parallel franchise à la CSI: Miami set in Asian/Oceanian countries with Sean as its Dom – Far East and Furious

8. Roman Holiday: Roman drives cross-country to Universal Studios Orlando. Sequels: Roman European Holiday, Roman Christmas Holiday, Roman Vegas Holiday

9. Fast and Furious × American Graffiti. 1950/1960s cars. Dom's father?

Drew: What about a young Dom origin story? Boosting IROCs in the '80s or something?
Jon: Dom was born on August 29, 1976, though. It would have to be an early '90s film – Straight Outta Echo Park.