Almost…finished…clearing out my boss' flat.
Jon: You think I can cancel your cable service for you?
Pep: Why not? You pose as me and sign my signature all the time.
Jon: Yes, but, won't they check identification?
Jon: Hey, did you read the surrender agreement? "Walls must be painted back to original colour"?!
Jon: Will they deduct from the security deposit for leaving the shower curtain? I've never moved to this extent before.
B: Jon, people your age are raising families.
Game Show Idea: A variation on The Price Is Right with phone number games instead of pricing games. You win stuff based on how well you know the phone numbers of contacts in your phone.
"All these digits are one away from the digits in your co-worker Tom's phone number."
"Gentleman, do I have seven digits correct?"
Pathfinder on a nine-by-nine grid.
For Plinko chips: "Scott Rothman's area code: Starts with a 4 or ends with a 0?"
So a white person unconscionably kills a black person. Punish said white person by dyeing his or her skin black — John Howard Griffin, but permanent. No prison time or death penalty, just irrevocably alter his or her appearance. #jonjustice
Rory: WWF : WCW :: Mad: Cracked.
Jon: But Cracked never rivaled Mad like WCW rivaled WWF.
Jon: Extending the analogy, John Severin is Hulk Hogan, and Don Martin is Bret Hart.
Rory: Duck Edwing is Shawn Michaels?
Greatest Ever! Definitive! Alien Ant Farm?!
Of those 19 songs, only "The Best of Me" really fits the bill.
How do you not go with "Dammit" and "Fat Lip"?
What is this I don't even…
"'What I Go to School For' by Busted."
"The Lemonheads' cover of 'Mrs. Robinson.'"
"'Blurry' by Puddle of Mudd."
Hüsker Dü couldn't have been on this disc?
It's like the record company just shuffled through the music libraries of its three "punk-est" employees.
It's my last week living in New York City, probably ever.
"How I spent much of my early 30s in New York City, crashing at my boss' flat, using a hoodie as a blanket."
Pep's landlord has been showing his flat to prospective tenants. I chuckle to myself every time I hear one say, "It's spacious."
33. A Selfish Act (Utopia, S02E06)
"I love how passionate you are about pepperoni." (Masters of Sex, S02E05)
Weird Al, Bob Dylan, and Mr. Wonderful in one episode (WWE Raw, 08-11-14)
"We're just…licking our fingers at the match factory!" (Going Deep with David Rees, S01E08)
Share a Coke with Ian (Utopia, S02E06)
Utopia Season Grade: B+
"One eye is dollar sign, one eye is safety. Dollar in one eyes, and babies in the other eyes." (Nathan For You, S02E07)
"Man, I'm from Brooklyn. I'd rather have a pizza." (Nathan For You, S02E07)
"The baby sign was gone from his eyes and replaced with another dollar sign." (Nathan For You, S02E07)
Wilfred Season Grade: C-
Keaton Henson! (Rectify, S02E09)
"This little light of mine, we gon' grow some pot…" (Black Jesus, S01E02)
"Whoo! Back ain't been the same since I carried them fat girls across the River Nile trying to get away from them soldiers, man." (Black Jesus, S01E02)
"Have you…had cocaine before?"
"You're going to feel nothing in your arm and wonderful everywhere else. It's truly a miracle." (The Knick, S01E02)
Previously on Adam Riff™:
What began as an excursion down to Philly to try Drew's sandwich ballooned into an all-day food crawl.
Philly food crawl 2? Philly food crawl 2.
Groot IMs "I am Groot."
Sketch Idea: Guardians of the Galaxy 90210. David Silver as Star-Lord. Thanos' daughter Donna. Steve Sanders as Groot. All he says is "I-an Ziering."
Joe E. Tata voices Rocket Raccoon.
Sketch Idea: The Golden Girls, but with four once-controversial rappers.
MLB Idea: Every extra inning, players on the fielding team shift a position. So in the 10th inning, the 9 position (right fielder) becomes the 1 (pitcher), and the pitcher becomes the 2 (catcher), et cetera.
Idea: Gym cars on commuter trains. Don't let lengthy commutes hinder you from working out.
Access the gym car with a train gym membership.
Build lounges in train stations, like airport lounges, where train gym members can shower and change.
Film/Television Idea: What if all the modern ranged weaponry in the world – firearms, missiles, et cetera – suddenly stopped working?
Concert Idea: An evening of HBO programme theme songs.
Enter to The Larry Sanders Show's theme song.
1. The Sopranos
2. How to Make It in America
4. Big Love ("God Only Knows")
6. True Blood
7. John From Cincinnati
8. True Detective
9. Flight of the Conchords
11. Lucky Louie
12. Six Feet Under
13. Game of Thrones
14. The Pacific
15. The Kids in the Hall
16. Boardwalk Empire
17. The Wire S1
18. The Wire S2
19. The Wire S3
20. The Wire S4
21. The Wire S5
Buckcherry, have announced plans to release a new EP, titled FUCK, on August 19th via their own label, F-Bomb Records.
Members of Buckcherry, you are in your 40s.
The band might as well rename itself Fuckcherry.
Buckfieri: Triple F!
Never a band to play by the rules, Buckcherry has made a career out of pushing the boundaries and buttons of conventional rock music. Whether it's a song audaciously celebrating the finest white flake ("Lit Up"), an homage to unstable and irresistible young ladies ("Crazy Bitch") or an apologetic ballad ("Sorry")…
Rock music about drugs and women – how scandalously avant-garde. Marcel Duchamp would be proud.
FUCK unapologetically rattles the speakers as much as it will the censors.
The titles of the songs on Fuck all contain the word "fuck," because of course they do.
"6. Fist Fuck"?
The record features six balls-to-the-wall tracks that erupt with gritty riffs and sharp-tongued lyrics, including the upcoming radio single and riotous cover of Icona Pop's hit song "I Love It," which the band naturally cranks to 11 and renames "Say Fuck It."
Way to rattle censors by cleaning up a song for radio. I L it.
Rory: "Fist Fuck" is a cover of "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha.
32. Neighbours (The Strain, S01E04)
Music: Slayer – "Angel of Death" (The Leftovers, S01E06)
Holy Wayne only accepts payment by PayPal (The Leftovers, S01E06)
"Surely a live dog is better than a dead lion." (The Leftovers, S01E06)
Halt and Catch Fire Season Grade: C+
HHH trapping Brie in a corner (WWE Raw, 08-04-14)
Boobs on basic cable! (Matador, S01E04)
"Disguised as a female bowler in religious garb…" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
RT: "Oh my god, the 9/11 truther on Nathan For You last night is probably my favorite TV moment of the 21st century" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
"(Burkas provided)" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
RT: "The Bill Gates impersonator from Nathan For You deserves every Emmy, and all other awards as well" (Nathan For You, S02E06)
(Nathan For You, S02E06)
Mike Clattenburg [Trailer Park Boys] co-created this programme? (Black Jesus, S01E01)
"Nigga-Wan Kenobi." (Black Jesus, S01E01)
Korean ladies randomly giving Jesus a wonderful basket of shit (Black Jesus, S01E01)
"Michael! Chandler! Ross!" (Black Jesus, S01E01)
"Komaki has so many places in his body to be beaten, but he only chooses to hit his balls." (Jonah From Tonga, S01E01)
Cliff Martinez's score is so Cliff Martinez (The Knick, S01E01)
2014: The year of fatal gunshots to Matt Frewer's head (The Knick, S01E01)
Bono's daughter injecting cocaine into Clive Owen's dick (The Knick, S01E01)
Outlander's theme song is ludicrously catchy (Outlander, S01E01)
Happy Valley Season Grade: C+