THE Ohio Steak University

"There is a place where the sky is always blue, and the kids always eat their vegetables, because the salad there is always served with the original Hidden Valley Ranch."

This copy…

1. The sky always being blue in this place has nothing to do with salad always being served with Hidden Valley Ranch. "There is a place where the kids always eat their vegetables, because the salad there is always served with the original Hidden Valley Ranch. Also: The weather's nice."

2. As Hidden Valley Ranch is not made in this place where the sky is always blue, why the environmental context? Why not just say, "Kids will eat vegetables served with Hidden Valley Ranch"?

This popped into my head today:

Free association:

Pauley Pavilion flooding =

One of my ideas for a wrestling match gimmick is submerging the mat in a foot of water, retarding movement and adding splashing. Imagine: A superplex into a ring of water.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

30. Routine Maintenance (Utopia, S02E03)

Honourable Mention

  • "Garden of the gods" meal (Food Network Star, S10E08)
  • Paul Heyman's promo (WWE Raw, 07-21-14)

Stray Observations

  • "At COMDEX, lavish equals shrimp." (Halt and Catch Fire, S01E08)
  • COMDEX is the new TechCrunch Disrupt (Halt and Catch Fire, S01E08)
  • Closed captioning: "'I Love You' song from Barney playing faintly" (The Strain, S01E02)

(MasterChef, S05E09)

Steph's gnarly cleavage (WWE Raw, 07-21-14)

  • "Is this a hybrid?" (WWE Raw, 07-21-14)
  • The teen actor (Nathan For You, S02E05)
  • The stripper cop (Nathan For You, S02E05)
  • "Underneath that dragon is our mattress." (Nathan For You, S02E05)
  • Chickens and a peacock in a tree (Nathan For You, S02E05)
  • John Cale! (The Bridge, S02E02)
  • "I say we act like white people and disappear and let our lawyer do the talking." (The Bridge, S02E02)
  • Jared's hair is approaching Eraserhead level (Rectify, S02E06)
  • Martin being a pimp (Friday Night Dinner, S03E06)
  • Friday Night Dinner Season Grade: C-


Southern Hospitality, American Hostility

Rich Johnson is a charismatic, serial womanizer.

His name is Dick Dick.

After getting caught cheating and ruining another promising relationship, Rich desperately wishes his penis would just leave him alone. Lo and behold, Rich awakes the next morning to discover that his penis has left his body and taken human form as RP (Nick Thune) who moves into his apartment.

RP… Rich's Penis?

Yup. Rich's Penis.

Dick Dick's dick is Dick's Dick.


"Nick Thune, best known as Volchok's peen, died on Saturday night at his home in Los Angeles."


"There's a pretty great lesson hidden in this surprisingly cute little comedy about a guy and his penis not seeing eye to eye." – K.

"The characters are both outrageous and hysterical, everyone from the sassy waiter to the Yoda referencing cop." – Jorrdan Barroso

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

29. Conan and Dave Franco Join Tinder (Conan, 07-14-14)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "I'd be quitting for Zach so he isn't driving around Queens in a green goddamn Prius." (The Strain, S01E01)
  • Captain and Tennille on The Leftovers, Neil Diamond on The Strain (The Leftovers, S01E03, The Strain, S01E01)
  • Music: Molotov – "Gimme the Power" (The Strain, S01E01)
  • "Love, you see, is the one force that cannot be explained, cannot be broken down into a chemical process. It is the beacon that guides us back home when no one is there, and the light that illuminates our loss. Its absence robs us of all pleasure, of our capacity for joy. It makes our nights darker, and our days gloomier. But when we find love, no matter how wrong, how sad, or how terrible, we cling to it. It gives us our strength. It holds us upright. It feeds on us, and we feed on it. Love is our grace. Love is our downfall." (The Strain, S01E01)
  • Artemis! (Masters of Sex, S02E01)
  • Ygritte! (Utopia, S02E01)
  • "Should the time come, I'm to be your daughter's torturer." (Utopia, S02E01)
  • 24 Season Grade: B
  • Palpatine! (Utopia, S02E02)

(Matador, S01E01)

  • "Mention this gravestone for a 15% discount." (Nathan For You, S02E03)
  • "Asian, black, Hispanic, old." (Nathan For You, S02E03)
  • "I like Call of Duty and pussy." (The Bridge, S02E02)

(Loiter Squad, S03E10)

  • Loiter Squad Season Grade: C+
  • "What's your dog called?"
    "Right. Is it, um, really called 'Piano'?"
    "What do you think?"
    [pause] (Friday Night Dinner, S03E05)


Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier?


"Hey! No photographs!"



I'm not sure if she feared me stealing her "Freakish Pringles" design, or if she feared Pringles seeing a photograph of it on the Internet.

(Shilin Night Market)

I saw this shirt on display outside a store but alas, could not find one inside.


I regret not stopping in to see what jeans for aggressive women look like.

(Shilin Night Market)

Extreme knock-off.