12. The Ultimate Deletion (WWE Raw, 03-19-18)
"Over one weekend, there was a kiln fire. Sprinklers put it out, but it was a huge smoky mess."
"Like Winston Churchill." (Bob's Burgers, S08E10)
- Possessed shin (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S03E04)
- "Ah, yes, the first pubic war, the sexiest of all wars." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
"Okay, so we've secured Captain Holt's husband. Let's discuss how to proceed."
"So what you're saying is, we need to talk about Kevin."
"I have no regrets!"
"Kevin is currently at the safe house with Captain Holt."
"How long will he have to stay there?"
"My friend in the organized crime division says they've been building a case against Seamus Murphy for years, and they're close. They think they'll move on him in the next month or two."
"So you're saying, Kevin can wait?"
"You know what, you people are insane! That was gold!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
- "I feel like Ellen watching her producers go through a haunted house." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
- "Okay, I've got three words. I've got an 'and,' I've got an 'an' and a 'he.' Now, the 'he' could be a part of a 'the' or the end of 'Apache.'" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
"I'm not abandoning my husband. I love him."
"Yeah, I love him too. Everybody loves Raymond."
"I think that's pretty funny!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
- "I was lying about the back-up! I came alone! Title of my sex tape." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
- "Better get some corticosteroids to treat that laryngeal fracture." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
- "There was a movie about a mandolin, and you kept it from me for two months?!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E12)
"Barf quieter, bud!"
"You're no barf church mouse, either, bud." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E11)
- "This is not the time to argue, okay? 'Cause right now, we are like the cast of the Jersey Shore, 'cause we got a The Situation." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E11)
- "Maine has beaches! They just have more rocks and family secrets." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E19)
- Fresh Off the Boat Season Grade: C
- "Every black man has a friend named 'Cool Breeze.'" (Black-ish, S04E16)
"Is that supposed to be sushi?"
"May I present to you freshly-caught Swedish Fish on Rice Krispy Treats. I call it the 'Hudson News Roll.' I know how much you like crap."
"I love crap!" (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
"What did you just call me?"
"Nothing. …Trash humper."
"That's slander! I don't do that with trash!"
"Oh, no? Then what are you doing with that can of Pringles?"
"Oh, I'm using this as my wallet." (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
"They also said that Liam Neeson is aging into an old woman."
"…saying that Samoa is barely a Guam." (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
- "Oh. I do have a fetish." (LA to Vegas, S01E09)
- "Send help! I'm mostly nude in the back of a cop car about to drown with a young boy!" (The Mick, S02E18)
"Happy birthday to you…"
"I've always loved that song." (Baskets, S03E09)
- "I've been trying to practice my empathy lately, and my empathy tells me that we should throw a party for Martha or she's gonna try to kill herself." (Baskets, S03E09)
"It's a great opportunity for me to debut Dill Pickles."
"He's my character that I told you about."
"Why not Bread and Butter Pickles? [chuckles] They're so tasty. Have you ever had 'em?" (Baskets, S03E09)
- "Now, when you think about dinner in Bakersfield, you gotta think about Basque restaurants." (Baskets, S03E09)
- "Martha, you look so nervous. Why is that? Is it because of all the Basques?" (Baskets, S03E09)
- "Martha! Get back over here! They have cow tongue! I don't want it, but I want to see someone eat it!" (Baskets, S03E09)
- "I'm 50 now. I can't keep acting like I'm 39." (Baskets, S03E09)
- Andy Cohen (Riverdale, S02E16)
"My friend's boyfriend plays basketball. They're playing you guys. She took me to a game. I got super into it."
"Yeah, totally. Kobe Bryant, the Spalding company, two points per basket, love it all." (Speechless, S02E18)
- Speechless Season Grade: C
- Pauly Shore (Alone Together, S01E10)
"Why don't you just go to the old lady's apartment and take inventory of her stuff?"
"By myself? What if there's a ghost?"
"I don't know. Befriend it and write a sequel to Ghost Dad, dude."
"I haven't seen the first one."
"…You don't have to." (Alone Together, S01E10)
"She has pictures of her favourite celebrities up on her wall just like I do. That right there is Clark Gable, A.K.A. the Sacha Baron Cohen of her generation.
Just out of curiosity, what do you think 'A.K.A.' stands for?
"Also kinda alike?"
"…Okay, not bad." (Alone Together, S01E10)
- "As a friend, I'm letting you know that burlesque is the lowest form of art possible. Literally, it's the last failure a woman can have is burlesque, after acting, then yoga, then burlesque. That's it." (Alone Together, S01E10)
- "She once spent three days on a riverboat casino eating nothing but lobsters and champagne before people found out she wasn't really a magician." (Alone Together, S01E10)
"It takes people years to get to where I am and all I had to do was show that manager that I was serious, laser-focused, and that she could never, ever, ever escape me."
"Okay, so you're like the lower back tattoo of the service industry." (Alone Together, S01E10)
- Alone Together Season Grade: C
"Fine, but I will freely admit I was getting excited at the idea of a Josh-Julia solo adventure."
"Yeah, what would the shippers even call us? Josh? Julia? See, you couldn't even tell that I swapped the first letters." (The Magicians, S03E11)
- The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story Season Grade: C
- "This is gonna sound like a high question, but it's not. Are black women considered brunettes?" (Atlanta, S02E04)
- A woman approaches Earn and praises what she initially assumes is very convincing blackface (Atlanta, S02E04)
"Do you believe that love can die?"
"Sure, everything dies. But at least you lived through it." (Atlanta, S02E04)
- Tessa Thompson (Portlandia, S08E10)
- Portlandia Season Grade: D
Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta