Eater's Digest: Seattle 4

Previously on Adam Riff™:

October 2017
il corvo / nue / revel / xi'an noodles / mean sandwich / eltana / hello robin / chinapie / navy strength / teku tavern / pie bar / hot cakes / eden hill / bateau / trove / salumi artisan cured meats / rachel's ginger beer / no anchor / meat and bread / junebaby / hot cakes / tacos chukis / metropolitan market / macrina bakery / le petit cochon / pablo y pablo / joule / mean sandwich / ma'ono / trophy cupcakes / shorty's / teku tavern / georgetown liquor company / lowercase brewing / chuck's hop shop / twilight exit / cycene / macrina bakery / metropolitan market / eltana

Grilled Pickled Pig Tongue (Le Petit Cochon)
beer mustard, dilly tots, seed relish, apple jam, salt and pepper cabbage, tobacco

^ I was disgusted at myself after cleaning the plate.

Ghost Pepper Pork Tartare (Le Petit Cochon)
bonito aioli, nori, kumquat, mac nuts
—There's a reason you don't see many pork tartares.

Lamb Heart Tartare (Navy Strength)
yolk jam, ikura, taro chips

Anderson Ranch Lamb Tartare (Eden Hill)
hot mustard, goat milk caramel, petite carrot
—Tasted askew.

Steak Tartare Club (Mean Sandwich)
yuzu kosho mayo, bacon, lettuce, tomato, on sea wolf rye

Grilled Lamb Sandwich with Cheese (Salumi Artisan Cured Meats)
—Saddest lamb sandwich ever. Do better, Mario Batali's family.

Spicy Boudin Sandwich (Cycene)
cajun sausage, hot aioli, pepper jack, scrambled egg, served with home fries

Pepper Roulette (Junebaby)
black eye pea hummus, sour cream
—Just a ramekin of various roasted peppers of varying heat. Based on not being able to find a single photo of this dish, I think I may be the only person to ever order it.

Orange Habanero Chocolate Chip Cookie (Hello Robin)

Rick's Chocolate Apricot Espresso Cookie (Macrina Bakery)
—Bittersweet chocolate chunks are accented with apricot bits and ground espresso.

The Cookie (Metropolitan Market)
two types of belgian chocolate, local flour, toasted walnuts, butter
—I brought four of them home with me.

Lamb Belly 'Carnitas' Taco (Pablo y Pablo)
four-chile guacamole, mint, pineapple salsa

Wild Boar Meatballs Taco (Pablo y Pablo)
salsa roja, oaxaca and jack cheese, onion, cilantro

Adobada Taco (Tacos Chukis)
marinated pork cooked al pastor, topped off with a slice of sweet grilled pineapple

^ Maybe re-think the size of the pineapple.

No. 4 Ice Cream and Peanut Wrap [Taiwanese Brrrr-rito] (Nue)
pineapple ice cream, peanut ice cream, crunchy peanut toffee crumb, and cilantro leaves wrapped in a thin spring roll wrapper
—Maybe use a softer spring roll wrapper.

Mint Ice Cream (Navy Strength)
chocolate, potato chip crumble, root beer glaze

^ The texture of the ice cream was off-putting. It was like eating spearmint gum.

Fish Sauce Caesar [Salad] (Navy Strength)
paneer, nasturtium, pretzel croutons
—Its dressing is not made with anchovies, but with fish sauce made with anchovies.

Uncle Sau Pizza (Chinapie)
caramel fish sauce, pork, cilantro pesto, jalapeño, fresh mozzarella, grana

The Chowder Pizza (Chinapie)
potato, house-made rolled smoked bacon, taylor shellfish clams, bechamel, rosemary, mozzarella

^ Things that make you go "hmm…"

Shrimp Cocktail 2.0 (Joule)
chinese celery, pork belly, ginger beer

Reuben Mille Feuille (Bateau)
smoked brisket and belly, purple cabbage, russian dressing, rye

^ Style over substance.

Carpaccio (Bateau)
coffee aioli, marinated spring onions, spicy greens, onion ash

[Off-Menu] Bateau Burger (Bateau)
dry-aged grass-fed beef, onion jam, aioli, on a house-made semolina bun
Bon Appétit: "The burger to end all burgers."

The Mean Sandwich (Mean Sandwich)
thick-cut corned beef, pickled red cabbage, yellow mustard, mint, maple syrup

Skins and Ins (Mean Sandwich)
fried baked potato chunks and their skins

^ Fries 2.0.

Crispy Pig Ear
pickled onions, pecan butter, honey

^ I did not want to stop eating this.

Everything Bagel Pancake (Revel)
smoked whitefish, preserved lemon aioli

Wasabi Cream Cheese (Eltana)
—Good morning!

Za'atar and Scallion Cream Cheese (Eltana)

Honeydew Pineapple Spinach Hotter Pop (Hot Cakes)
–A house-made Otter Pop.

P.O.G. Life (Trove)
guava sorbet with passion fruit jello and orange ribbon

Strawberry Lemonade Cupcake (Trophy Cupcakes)

Black Forest Cake (Joule)
thai chili pomegranate glaze, condensed milk

(Revel) Server: Are you a pastry chef?
Jon: Heh. No.
(Revel) Server: Because no one has ever ordered all of the desserts before.

Revel Motherload (Revel)
miso caramel brownie tart, pretzel crust, toasted marshmallow, gochujang ganache, fried chocolate

Bingsoo Revival (Revel)
tropical punch tapioca, passion fruit mousse, black currant granita, guava jello, white chocolate crunch

Mochi Churro (Revel)
buttermilk mochi churro, kaffir lime, crème fraîche caramel, strawberry hibiscus jam

^ Mochi is not a good texture for churros.

Sheep's Cheese Churros (Eden Hill)
cherry tomato, black garlic, sesame, lovage

^ Better churros.

Cauliflower Chilaquiles (Eden Hill)
manchego, lime crema, serrano hot sauce, shishito, curtido

^ …and a worse play on Mexican food.

Taiwanese Chicken Heart Poppers (Nue)
crispy fried marinated chicken hearts, garlic, and scallion, served with rice wine and chili oil dipping sauce

Chicken Pho Soup Dumplings (Chinapie)
charred onion, ginger, scallion, mint
—Lack soup.

Eat the Entire Menu (No Anchor)

^ Split three ways, it was still filling.

Some changes:

Our Raw Puget Sound Oyster featured dill oil instead of spruce oil. Our Glazed Lamb Sweetbreads featured elderberry, pickled elderflower, and celery root instead of cherry tomatoes, smoked yolk, and romano beans. Our Grilled Wagyu Steak featured ceps and pommes purée instead of cherries and seasonal mushrooms. And instead of Vanilla Cream Cheese Custard:

Concord Grape Sorbet (No Anchor)
vanilla pumpkin pudding, pepita praline, sake lees ice


Thai Mang Da Na (Nue)
three large thai water beetles with intense flavours of fruit, flowers, candy, and salt

^ I couldn't do it.

Cornflake-Crusted Chicken Livers (Radiator Whiskey)
frank's redhot, aioli

Fried Beef Lip Terrine (Radiator Whiskey)

Lamb Neck Sloppy Joe (Radiator Whiskey)
coleslaw, fried onions, bun

The LPC Pig Mac (Le Petit Cochon)
olsen farm pig burger, sliced smoked pork belly, salt cured foie, plum jam, onion rings, truffle aioli, arugula pistou, red onion, salt and vinegar chips

^ $32 burger.

Sherried Duck Hearts (Le Petit Cochon)
grit cake, burnt eggplant purée, fennel cream spinach, pine nut vin, apricot

Flank Steak "Jerky" (Gather)
marinated in lemongrass, ginger, and fish sauce

Neli Pizza (Chinapie)
chicken tikka masala sausage, tomato cream curry, jalapeño, pickled onions, aged mozzarella, goat cheese

Japanese Clam Chowder (Iconiq)
white miso soy, daikon, bacon, seaweed butter bread

Beer-Battered Nori Dumplings (Cook Weaver)
kimchi, tahini sauce

Braised Brisket with Hominy (Cook Weaver)
pickles, fried egg, nori, in the style of bibimbap

Chocolate Chip Cookie with Gray Salt (Delancey)

Sweet and Sour Olive Oil Gummy Bear with Chocolate Truffle (Tarsan i Jane)

Sourdough Pancake [Liquid Nitrogen] Ice Cream (Nue)

Tallow Cake (Bateau)
poached plums, vanilla buttercream, pickled rose

Pine Ice Cream (Bateau)
juniper meringue, warm huckleberries

Blueberry Thrill (Trove)
calamansi frozen custard with blueberry swirl and cornbread cake

Razzmatazz (Trove)
calamansi frozen custard with champagne jello and raspberry pop rocks


Once You Pop… That's Great!

etwards on Instagram:

I think I'd lie for you
I think I'd die for you
Jodeci "Cry for You"
Do things when you want me to


Did Lifetime mash up two existing romantic comedies?

No, it's just a Christmas variation on Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Idea: Shakespeare in Love Actually – interconnected Christmas variations on nine Shakespeare plays.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

48. Naked Josh Hutcherson fights hung version of himself (Future Man, S01E12)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Dude, I'm telling you, everything I wear, I get for free, down to my modal boxer briefs."
    "It's this new fabric. It's three times softer than cotton."
    "Damn, three times?"
    "My drawers feel like construction paper." (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "How do they know each of these packs of almonds are exactly 100 calories? They don't know. They can't know." (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "Man, that's full nuts, like the phone booth on Doctor Who."
    "Yeah. Wait a second, you watch Doctor Who?"
    "I saw one on accident. I was flipping through channels." (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "Smells weird."
    "You sure that's not what your hand always smells like?"
    "You know what? I have no idea. That's a really good point. Do you know what your hand smells like?" (Ghosted, S01E07)
  • "We're in total agree-wo-ment." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "He's changing all the manatee art to wo-manatee art." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "Wo-man, oh, wo-man, is it hot out! Yeah, plus all the pollen. Think I might have to go take an anti-her-stamine." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "Vagina-doodle-doo! Rise and shine, everyone! What a beautiful daughter-rise." + "This is what a feminist drinks like" mug (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "I feel like Bill Clinton right now – a simple man between two legendary Bushes, one of them a little older." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "As they scissor through the chains of ignorance, strap on, it's gonna be a wild ride. The three of you will form an unbreakable bond that nobody can penetrate." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "That's not a wife; this is a wife." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • "I will break through the symbolic glass ceiling by shattering this actual glass ceiling." + subsequent toilet-papered facial cuts (The Last Man on Earth, S04E07)
  • Seinfeld finale (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E08)
  • ♫: Blanck Mass – "Please" (Search Party, S02E01)
  • "GWAR has no mothers!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E08)
  • "All pitching comes directly from the ass." (The Mick, S02E07)
  • "All dip is just mayo!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • "Wow, the unhygienic apple doesn't fall far from the unhygienic tree."
    "Did you just call my mom a tree?"
    "I called her an unhygienic tree." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • "My son is a basic bitch." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • "There's nothing better than a plain scone!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E07)
  • ♫: Knight Rider theme song (Mr. Robot, S03E07)
  • "I'm supposed to be on a Jdate with Juanita at Ruby Tuesday as we speak. She's probably worried about me."
    "What are you doing on Jdate? You're not even Jewish. It doesn't sound like she is either."
    "I told you, my 23andMe said I'm 6% Ashkenazi, and for your information, her full name is Juanita Rosenberg." (Mr. Robot, S03E07)

(Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E05)

  • "New plan: Torture her here."
    "Oh, what a waste. I had electric current, scalpels, this awesome scorpion I found…"
    "Hey, [points at heart] torture comes from here." (Future Man, S01E06)
  • "I watched Badger interrogate a million times. God dammit, he could get under people's skin. Just relentless."
    "How did he die?"
    "AIDS." (Future Man, S01E06)
  • "He programmed me with a sophisticated understanding of dramatic structure, but he never takes my notes on his screenplays. Know what you get when you ignore me? Unobtainium and characters who fornicate with their ponytails." (Future Man, S01E07)
  • "Hey, SIGORN-E, teach me more Na'vi words. What's 'wolf'?"
    "There is no Na'vi word for 'wolf,' but there is one for 'website,' which I assure you makes perfect sense." (Future Man, S01E07)
  • "I would recommend performing CPR."
    "English, please!"
    "Or very basic Na'vi." (Future Man, S01E07)
  • "We are going to get back up, we are going to dust off our clits, and we are going to complete this mission." (Future Man, S01E10)
  • "I'm fucking you with your own dick!" (Future Man, S01E13)
  • "Dingo, do not take my baby! " (Future Man, S01E13)
  • "A myrm eats its way through your brain lobe by lobe. If he's having an orgasm this intense, it can only be because the myrm is chewing on his amygdala. That's the brain's clit." (Future Man, S01E13)
  • "Destiny isn't something that just arrives on your doorstep in a wooden box from Japan. It's something that you seize in a moment, a moment where you realize you have to murder or suicide your former boss and mentor." (Future Man, S01E13)
  • Future Man Season Grade: C+
  • "It has changed a bit. There's a music festival now every summer. It has four stages."
    "Like cancer." (Back, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


Eater's Digest: November 22, 2017

// San Francisco, CA

Salted Caramel Thanksgiving Turkey Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
we cook turkey stock mixed with sugar, spices, and onions down until it bubbles into a caramel, which creates the base of the salted caramel ice cream; we roast turkey skin until it's crispy and then candy-coat it and mix bits of that in

Buttered Mashed Potatoes and Gravy Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
we make a potato-flavoured ice cream, thanks to the real potatoes we boil down until the starch turns to sugar, and then stir in our own homemade gravy fudge

Neither tasted like anything. Having not read the description of the Salted Caramel Thanksgiving Turkey Ice Cream beforehand, I detected a bit of candy-coated turkey skin in my mouth and thought it was a bone.

Okay, it's not a bone. [bites down] Toffee? Brittle? Is this the turkey ice cream? Did she scoop a different salted caramel flavour?

Trick or Treat Ice Cream (Little Giant Ice Cream)
swedish fish, candy corn, twizzlers
—Saw this on Instagram earlier this week. Not broken up that it wasn't available when I visited.

I stopped by Ayesha Curry's restaurant (International Smoke) for happy hour.

Chili and Garlic Hominy (International Smoke)
—I didn't taste any chili or garlic, only lime. Easy on the squeeze.

Buttered Curry Cornbread (International Smoke)
—I thought this cornbread contained curry and am just now realizing that it's Curry cornbread, as in Ayesha's recipe. It should be called Ayesha's Buttered Cornbread. I see "international" and "curry" and think Indian cornbread.

"How Much For One Rib?" (International Smoke)
—Pleasantly unexpectedly spicy.


Beauty is a curse on the world

Wikipedia » Knife game »

The knife game, pinfinger, nerve, bishop, stabscotch, five finger fillet (FFF), or "stab between the fingers game," is a game wherein…

In European culture it is traditionally considered a boys' game. However, its focus on motor coordination and dexterity is comparable to girls' clapping games.

"White people do this. Black people do this."

Going to the dump to watch the bears

This is my favourite store in Toronto:

Rory: I see your favourite store in Toronto and raise you

Meanwhile, in San Francisco:

Dim Sum and Dabs combines piles of delicious bao and har gow with constantly reloaded dab rigs.

"Since we have the heavier porks, the soy sauce, and the savory, I'm using a hybrid which has pinene and citrene in it, which are terpenes that are more uplifting and euphoric. They match well, and they cut through some of the saltiness."

And I thought the water sommelier was white nonsense…

Eater's Digest: October 7, 2017

// Vancouver, BC

My third[?] time in Vancouver during Canadian Thanksgiving weekend.

Showstopper Salad (The Mackenzie Room)
farmer's cheese, pistachio vinaigrette

Chicken of the Sea (The Mackenzie Room)
sea urchin paté, ink brioche, hazelnut, pear

^ Faux liver.

Have Your Cake (The Mackenzie Room)
zucchini cake, nectarine ice cream, black pepper cream

Saffron Honey Panna Cotta (The Mackenzie Room)
plum, mezcal sorbet

(The Black Lodge) is a Twin Peaks-themed vegetarian restaurant and bar in Vancouver. A second Black Lodge location opened in October. Two Black Lodges? Why not a White Lodge?

(La Casa Gelato) serves 238 flavours:

Chocolate-covered fried chicken skin for dessert at (AnnaLena)


I rock yellow on some yellow like what purple is to Prince

I see this decal on cars in my area:

I just realized today that it reads "he is greater than I" and not "Heki."

Last Black Friday, I bought this hoodie, not knowing what the letters meant:

I just liked the design. "YO M-B."

I didn't realize until, like, May of this year that I had been misreading the letters. It's not "YO M-B," it's "MYOB," as in "mind your own business."

Oh… That's why it was called "Business Hoodie."

Darrell Hammond was on Saturday Night Live for 14 seasons, during which time no one ever thought of this as a Celebrity Jeopardy! category?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

47. Brimful of Asha (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E04)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "How's it looking?"
    "Your girlfriend is gonna love this one, bro."
    "No, it's not my girlfriend, it's my mom."
    "Your mom?"
    "Bro, you should've told me that before I started working on these titties." (Shameless, S08E02)
  • "Tandy, I appreciate your efforts, but I think I'm just too tired to be stimulated nipple-arily." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E06)
  • "Hey, Care Bear, would you feel better if I stayed up all night and watched your vagina?"
    "You would do that for me?"
    "I would do that for a lot of people, but tonight, yes, it's for you." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E06)
  • "Carol, columns could crumble, the moon could explode, a banshee could scream in the very face of time, and I will not stop watching this vagina." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E06)
  • "I follow the golden rule, okay? 'Do unto others as you'd have others do unto you' – the golden rule."
    "I follow the golden rule too – my friend Jasper Golden. 'Fuck them or they'll fuck you.'" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E07)
  • "I don't want some post-sex guy walking around my house, okay? Now get out."
    "First of all, there's nothing wrong with people having the scent of fuck on their body."
    "I don't like the scent of fuck, okay? Sue me. I don't like fuck scent." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E07)
  • "Gorgeous Romanian?! That's an oxymoron." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E07)
  • "You have two children, heating and air-conditioning. You have to pick one, the one you had an affinity for, and the other one goes into the concentration camp. Which one you gonna keep?"
    "Heat. Go with heat."
    "So air conditioning's going to the concentration camp." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E07)
  • "Fuck this $25,000 tiger." (Vice Principals, S02E09)
  • Vice principal Stevie Janowski (Vice Principals, S02E09)
  • Vice Principals Season Grade: C+
  • Jason Jordan fighting back tears and saying, "This is the one time that Raw and SmackDown go head-to-head in direct competition" (WWE Raw, 11-13-17)
  • "Grandma, I know what movie you should do for your ESL final monologue: The Sandlot."
    "I told you, nothing with Denis Leary." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E07)
  • "This is a huge opportunity. Governor Filucci is the real deal. He served in the Gulf War. He speaks Punjabi. He authored a crossword puzzle for the New York Times."
    "Let me guess. Monday?" (The Mayor, S01E07)
  • "A Nakatomi Plaza cake?! The groom is on a licorice hose!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E06)
  • "Kai, will you relax? Let me make you a Manwich."
    "Fuck a Manwich!" (American Horror Story, S07E11)
  • "Fortify yourselves with some vitamin A!" (American Horror Story, S07E11)
  • "It was your idea to cut off his face." (American Horror Story, S07E11)
  • "Killing people doesn't get the men hard and the ladies wet anymore, but Americans lose their ever-loving shit when you destroy their symbols, statues, flags, pledges of allegiance, $20 bills, white Jesus, and Merry fucking Christmas! You come for any of that stuff, you've got rioting in the streets and domination of the news cycle for weeks." (American Horror Story, S07E11)
  • "You were wrong. There is something more dangerous in this world than a humiliated man: A nasty woman." (American Horror Story, S07E11)
  • American Horror Story Season Grade: B-
  • Mar-a-Lago (Mr. Robot, S03E06)
  • "Another fine choice of venue by Sergei."
    "Utterly tasteless."
    "I passed that buffoon of an owner in the lobby. You gonna take him up on his offer to go boating tomorrow?"
    "Oh, please, don't remind me. Those swim trunks he insists upon wearing, a bit too snug. And a bit too short, wouldn't you say?"
    "Mm. I believe the appropriate term is 'hanging brain.'" (Mr. Robot, S03E06)
  • ♫: Slothrust – "Like A Child Hiding Behind Your Tombstone" (You're the Worst, S04E13)
  • You're the Worst Season Grade: D+
  • Better Things Season Grade: C
  • The Walking Dead + Breaking Bad + Talking Bad (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E04)
  • "Why are Republicans trying so hard to protect Roy Moore from this case? It's not like he wrote the remix to 'Ignition'…" (Saturday Night Live, S43E06)
  • "I've always wanted to fuck Luigi. I love Italian dick. I bet Luigi's dick, the whole dick is hairy. The whole dick. He has a dragon that shits eggs like a chicken. That's fucking dope." (Future Man, S01E01)
  • "I'm really sorry, Stu."
    "Sorry doesn't re-swab those urethras." (Future Man, S01E01)
  • "Now, what was I talking about?"
    "Uh, herpes."
    "Oh, yes, of course. I'll never forget the night I contracted it. It was the night of the moon landing."
    "That is a historic moment to contract herpes." (Future Man, S01E01)
  • "I'm like, I don't even remember buying this. Then I realized it was my dad's Fleshlight." (Future Man, S01E04)
  • "It's like macaroons for my nose!" (Future Man, S01E04)
  • Kombucha-boarding (Future Man, S01E04)
  • "No more, please! I can't take it! It's too tart!" (Future Man, S01E04)
  • "Morris, 'buch him." (Future Man, S01E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


Dilly Dilly

My work's weekly staff video conference always opens with a survey question. This week's question: What was the first album you owned?

Jon: 2 Live Crew – As Nasty As They Wanna Be.
The Rest of the Staff: [pause]

I am driving the boy and girl home from school.

Jon: What time did you wake up this morning?
The Boy: 7:00am.
Jon: That late?
The Girl: No, 5:00am…and you are listening to Los Angeles!

Did she just reference Soul Coughing's "Screenwriter's Blues"?

I come upon Biz Markie's "Just a Friend" on the radio.

The Boy: Is this a remix?

The boy now dresses like Edgar on You're the Worst.

I drop the boy off for swimming at a local community college.

Whenever I see Asian students at a community college, I wonder if their parents are disappointed. Their parents are probably just undocumented, though, or desperate for their children to attend college in America.

We do it different on the west coast

Why is Cash Cab returning as Cash Cab and not Cash Uber?

Idea: Casino Monopoly. Play Monopoly with real money (as chips). A dealer is the banker. For accessibility, all dollar amounts are one-tenth of the board game's. Instead of beginning with $1500, the buy-in to play is $150. Receive $20 as you pass Go. Mediterranean Avenue is $6, Boardwalk is $40. If you need more money, you can mortgage properties or just open your wallet. A game ends when one player goes bankrupt.

Idea: A roast of Louis C.K. with a dais of women he was sexually inappropriate with. At the end, Louis roasts the dais for admiring him.

Idea: A Coca-Cola Freestyle machine, but for beer. Create your own beer cocktail. Beer concentrate exists.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

It's a tie!

46a. Gamby vs. Russell (Vice Principals, S02E08)

46b. Escort for Nathan (Nathan For You, S04E07)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Wait. I know that I've said this a lot, but this time I mean it. We should put leaves in our underwear." (Bob's Burgers, S08E04)
  • "Liam, how was school today?"
    "Okay. Some cracker told me my life mattered." (Shameless, S08E01)
  • "Well, these stairs are an obvious hazard, but nothing a couple packing peanuts can't fix."
    "Packing peanuts?"
    "Yeah, packing peanuts. You don't want our baby getting SIFILISS."
    "SIFILISS. You know, Sudden Infant Falling Into Large Indoor Spaces Syndrome?"
    "Oh, I thought you meant the other one."
    "No, I'm talking about the bad one." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E05)
  • "I'm baby-proofing, and you are doing the reverse. You're…foorpybab-ing."
    "I am not, Carol, and I take offense at that, okay? If anything, I'm doing the reverse of foorpybab-ing. I'm, uhh…babbyprof-ing." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E05)
  • "I'd rather play with a fast Manson than a slow Funkhauser." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E06)
  • "A stabbing range where you stab dummies." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E06)
  • "The fuck is this? A spaceship on a ladder?"
    "I think it's a train."
    "On a ladder?" (Vice Principals, S02E08)

(Vice Principals, S02E08)

  • "Today, me and my sister were spying on Lee in the bathroom when we caught him standing on the bathroom sink inspecting his own asshole in the mirror." (Vice Principals, S02E08)
  • ♫: Big Black Delta – "Roost" (Vice Principals, S02E08)
  • "Take a pear and get out there, woman gay." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E06)
  • "I'd like to bet $20,000 on Yabba Dabba Doo." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E05)
  • "Addiction is nothing to fool around with. I had food issues. I ate a crate of hams once." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E05)
  • "Murder Truck" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E05)
  • "Oh no, he is deep in the ham crate." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E05)
  • "I'm glad you get your money back. You can invest it in something you actually believe in instead of my balls." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E05)
  • ♫: Harry Styles – "Sign of the Times" (Riverdale, S02E05)
  • "I don't know anything. I'm just a turtle." (South Park, S21E07)
  • Elliott's employee number is 07-23-91, the date that birthed the Mandela Effect (Mr. Robot, S03E05)
  • ♫: Blues Traveler – "Run-Around" (Mr. Robot, S03E05)
  • Elliot running into the room from which Angela came out (Mr. Robot, S03E05)

(The Late Late Show with James Corden, 11-08-17)

(Nathan For You, S04E07)

  • "Mud 2: Never Clean" (Nathan For You, S04E07)
  • "We had successfully transformed the church social hall I had rented into a ballroom fit for Cinderella herself, and Bill looked like the spitting image of Alex Sanford in the thick-rimmed non-prescription glasses we had purchased from Sam's Club." (Nathan For You, S04E07)
  • There was a hidden message in the closed captions (Nathan For You, S04E07)
  • "We decided to do a role reversal exercise using a wig I had picked up from a store down the block." (Nathan For You, S04E07)
  • "When we got back to the hotel that night, there was a bee on the loose." (Nathan For You, S04E07)
  • Nathan For You Season Grade: A-
  • Zelda secret sound (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E03)
  • GoldenEye N64 opening (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E03)
  • "And Tolkie got freaky with a Banjo-Kazooie runner, Stephanie Bobo." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E03)
  • "Raccoons cannot resist some peanut butter titties." (Lady Dynamite, S02E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


God and Bumble Bee held my hand

Which one should I try first?

Oreo is both a flavour and a vehicle for other flavours.

Salted caramel Oreos? Check.
Cinnamon roll Oreos? Check.
Mountain Dew… Not yet.

Does Oreo soda exist? Oreo cream soda.

"Absinthe basil bliss chicken patties" is the new…

"vegan sweet potato wellness cookie."

Smoked moonshine and BBQ seasoned chicken sausage also exists.

Wrong Heads Disney Wrong Ears Wrong Legs

More American Film Market commodities:

Set in 1930s prohibition, a corrupt cop discovers that the popular speakeasy in town has been infiltrated by vampires. [source]

A group of sex party attendees wake up naked in the snow. In the nearby cabin they find a dead girl and a message: In order to survive, they must decide who is responsible for the girl's death and murder that person accordingly. [source]

No shoes on the rug, leave them at the door

Catching up on news out of this year's American Film Market…

China Salesman
A humble Chinese cell phone salesman somehow averts a civil war in Africa, featuring an eight-minute fight sequence between Mike Tyson and Steven Seagal.

The Bombing
Bruce Willis trains Chinese troops in WWII drama, which features art direction by Mel Gibson.

Described as "Ex Machina meets Black Swan and Whiplash." Mickey Rourke and Anne Heche have signed up.

Set in a forlorn future controlled by artificial intelligence, the story centers around a distraught Olympian figure skater who must overcome her demons and attempt to escape her infinite world to compete for the Winter Olympics against androids.

Lawrence Krauss, world-renowned theoretical physicist and best-selling author of A Universe From Nothing has also signed on to attach artificial intelligence and robotics companies to the film.

Circus Kane
Jonathan Lipnicki horror film sees a reclusive circus master invite a group of social media stars to his house of haunts. Anyone who can make it out before being scared into submission will earn $250,000.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

45. I wish it didn't have to be so bad (Wendy, 10-31-17)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • The Deuce Season Grade: B+
  • Chet Haze (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E05)
  • "The mail woman has stopped delivering since our date."
    "Had the same situation with a girl at Burger King. Haven't had a Whopper in fuckin' three years." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E05)
  • "There's also a post office credo. They should put 'spite' in there. Neither rain nor snow nor heat nor spite shall keep these couriers." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E05)
  • "Bloody promises, bloody tips. This is how a pact is made." (Vice Principals, S02E07)
  • "If this works out for Junior, he could put us in public school."
    "What is that even like?"
    [cut to Jack and Diane watching Dangerous Minds] (Black-ish, S04E05)
  • "Be brutal."
    "Simon Cowell brutal or O.J. brutal?" (The Mayor, S01E04)
  • Evan Peters as Marshall Applewhite, David Koresh, and Jim Jones (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • "I found this on wikiHow."
    "'How to escape from a cult.'" (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • Evan Peters as Jesus Christ high-fiving Evan Peters as Jim Jones (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • "Doubters get no cookies!" (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • "The bed is for family." (American Horror Story, S07E09)

Dave Grohl as David Letterman (Jimmy Kimmel Live!, 10-31-17)

  • "Betty's ponytail is iconic and beyond reproach." (Riverdale, S02E04)
  • "Hey! Stay away from those lemons! Just because they're hanging over the sidewalk doesn't mean they're free! You people act like I don't need these lemons, but I do! I need them very badly!" (You're the Worst, S04E10)
  • "Mmm! This is good!"
    "It's Country Time. My lemons aren't juicing lemons." (You're the Worst, S04E10)
  • Rashad Jennings (Great News, S02E06)
  • "Vow Chicka Vow Vow: Exploring Marital Relations" (Great News, S02E06)
  • "Max, the dog is eating your pussy blood again!" (Better Things, S02E08)
  • "So you're saying you pleasure yourself so much at home that it doesn't affect you at work?"
    "Correct." (Nathan For You, S04E06)

(Nathan For You, S04E06)

  • "So when most people are thinking of sex, you're thinking of Aquaman?" (Nathan For You, S04E06)

(Nathan For You, S04E06)

(Nathan For You, S04E06)

  • Full Doubtfire (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E02)
  • Dick slip (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E02)
  • "Making fun of someone with a disability is retarded." (Saturday Night Live, S43E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


Pleasure Suck

I wait a day to post this and Khaled drops out. [grumbling]

Shawn Marion and Cedric Ceballos are a team on the next Amazing Race?

And they're racing against Joey Chestnut and Eater X?!

Wikipedia » Tim Janus:

On November 21, 2007, Janus helped draw attention to the plight of New York City's homeless by consuming a Thanksgiving meal for four, including a 10-pound turkey, four pounds of mashed potatoes, three pounds of cranberry sauce, 2½ pounds of beans, and a pumpkin pie.

On August 28, 2013, Deadspin released a video of Janus' attempt to become, in his words, "the first person in the history of the world to get legally drunk (.08) on" non-alcoholic beer. In the video, Janus drinks 28 cans and bottles of various non-alcoholic beers and then blows into a breathalyzer. A .02 reading is recorded, leading Janus to conclude that if he can't get drunk on O'Doul's, nobody can.

Where is Patrick O'Bryant now?

Wikipedia » Patrick O'Bryant:

In November 2013, O'Bryant signed with Taiwan Beer of the Super Basketball League. On April 24, 2016, O'Bryant won the Final's MVP award while playing for Taiwan Beer.

Taiwan Beer?

Wikipedia » Taiwan Beer (basketball):

The Taiwan Beer Basketball Team is a semi-professional basketball team in the Super Basketball League (SBL) in Taiwan sponsored by the Taiwan Tobacco and Liquor Corporation (TTL).

Before the privatization of the sponsoring corporation in 1999, the team was named "Taiwan Tobacco and Wine Monopoly Bureau Golden Dragons."

Why is there no Taiwan Beer (basketball) merch?!