Lazy Sunday

// Seattle, WA

Tony and I are walking up Broadway in Capitol Hill. We pass two dudes who are walking their bikes.

Tony: Whoops. Excuse me.

Behind me, I hear someone spit, followed by "I didn't mean to do that. I was spitting on the ground and— I spat toward the ground and…"

Tony and I enter a QFC.

Jon: Did that bicyclist just spit at you?
Tony: Yup, on the back of my neck. Not a loogie, but spittle.

Tony: Before he did, I heard him mutter "Fuckin' bitch. I oughta spit on you."

Tony: Can you check my back for spit?

Jon: All clear.


Tony and I are making garlic chips.

Jon: The recipe says "use chopsticks to make sure they don't stick together in the hot oil."

Tony searches for chopsticks.

Tony: I only have one wooden chopstick. The rest are all plastic.
Jon: Why do you only have one wooden chopstick?
Tony: I use the other one to make coffee.

Tony directs my eyes toward a window sill, where I notice the other wooden chopstick.


Tony: I'm googling "what to do if someone spits on you."

Tony: First comment on a gunsamerica.com post: "Well, if you are a police officer, you shoot the bastard. He might have AIDS, and your life is in danger."

I google "what to do if someone spits on you."

Jon: "A palm-heel at a 45 degree angle into the nose is a nice response to spit in the face."
Jon: Reply to that comment: "A palm heel strike to the nose can shear off the cartilage in the nose and send that 'bone' fragment into the brain. Instantly killing the person. Not the proper response for being spat upon."

Tony: forum.bodybuilding.com: "I had a little kid spit on my face once (8 years old or something) and I know they don't really understand how disrespectful that shit is, but I pushed him to the ground and made him cry lol (no child abuser)."

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