They pulled your teeth 'til you smiled and agreed

// Chicago, IL

Yosi: I'll meet you all at Fat Rice tonight. I have to speak at an event beforehand as a favour to an alderman friend of mine.
Jon: You're friends with an alderman? You should invite him or her to dinner with us.
Yosi: Will do.

Yosi enters the restaurant alone.

Jon: Where's the alderman?
Yosi: He's coming. He lives nearby.

A dapper Latino bloke enters the restaurant.

He's the alderman?!

Jon: How old are you?
Carlos: 28.
Jon: And you represent Logan Square?
Carlos: Yup.

The next day, who do I see on the cover of the Chicago Reader but Yosi's alderman friend:

Had I known that the new face of socialism would be joining us for dinner, I would have requested jamón ibérico.

Me Against the Music

// Las Vegas, NV

While waiting for Drew, Michelle, and Matt in the hotel lobby, I check Instagram and see this:

Shortly thereafter, they walk in.

Jon: Why aren't you wearing your shirt?
Drew: I'll put it on before the show.
Matt: He doesn't want to walk around—
Jon: Oh, that's right. You're the "bitch."

Couldn't…? No, Matt has to be "Britney," and Michelle shouldn't be the "bitch."

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

35. Otis Blues (Twin Peaks, S03E15)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: ZZ Top – "Sharp Dressed Man" (Twin Peaks, S03E15)
  • ♫: The Veils – "Axolotl" (Twin Peaks, S03E15)
  • "Walking's good, fighting's better, fucking's best." (Game of Thrones, S07E06)
  • "Gingers are beautiful. We are kissed by fire." (Game of Thrones, S07E06)
  • Ice dragon (Game of Thrones, S07E06)
  • ♫: Leikeli47 – "Money" (Insecure, S02E05)
  • "Hotation." (Insecure, S02E05)
  • Trying to get out of jury duty with a Black Lives Matter shirt (Insecure, S02E05)
  • Walt and Rose from Lost (Insecure, S02E05)
  • "See, the thing is, I'm a DC guy." (Insecure, S02E05)
  • ♫: Jazmine Sullivan × Bryson Tiller – "Insecure" (Insecure, S02E05)
  • The Roosevelt (Insecure, S02E05)
  • ♫: Nick Hakim – "Needy Bees" (Insecure, S02E05)

Jeff Goldblum (Rick and Morty, S03E05)

  • "Is that a…hoof collage?" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "You have wondered what your life could have been without Rick?"
    "Wondered? Sure. I mean, I've wondered about having a vagina."
    "You're asking me to lure Rick to his death?"
    "I'm only asking you to go on a ride with Rick, get off the ride without Rick, and go home to your family, where you can…wonder about having a vagina."
    "Okay, okay, that was a very specific example pulled from thin air." (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Give that button a push."
    "We're freeeeee!"
    "Okay, so, I pushed the button, and three little men ran out. What do I do next?" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Mama's coming, and she cares about your titties!" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Go back to your quietly ashamed family and live out the rest of your days in denial of your vagina fantasies."
    "It was a one-time thought that everyone has!" (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "Cosmic apotheosis wears off faster than salvia."
    "I'm starting to believe you, because I just finished merging with your essence for an endless epoch and I'm already back to thinking you're an asshole."
    "Fine with me. Let's just go our separate ways. Sounds like you and the word 'epoch' have a lot of catching up to do." (Rick and Morty, S03E05)
  • "I'm over here answering our destiny. Come on over. It's good, it's warm. It's like the inside of bread."
    "I'm not gonna get inside of bread with you." (The Tick, S01E01)
  • "Watch out! She shoots glass eyes." (The Tick, S01E02)
  • "You cannot borrow a poncho. This is not a poncho library." (The Tick, S01E02)
  • ♫: 311 – "Come Original" (The Tick, S01E02)
  • "You're, uh…better than a Swiffer." (The Tick, S01E02)
  • "Irradiated Landscaper Identified." (The Tick, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty


Burn It Down

Previously on Adam Riff™: Knuck If You Buck

// Chicago, IL

While eating with Chad at Half Acre's Tap Room, three white blokes sit down in a booth across from us.

The back of one bloke's shirt catches my eye.

Is he… Does the back of his shirt say "Bullet Club"?

Okay, yeah, it does.

Dare I ask him for a Too Sweet? He doesn't look like someone who would Too Sweet me, though. And do I want to be "that guy"?

I then notice a white bloke in a Dean Ambrose hoodie on the opposite side of the room.

Dare I extend a fist to him?

Jon: The Shield was a wrestling stable that touched fists.
Drew: Okay…

Knuck If You Buck

Previously on Adam Riff™'s Twitter:

// Las Vegas, NV

I wear my Balut Club shirt to amuse Drew, who is half-Filipino and writes about Filipino food. He notices "balut," but doesn't get the shirt.

Jon: Bullet Club is a wrestling stable in Japan.
Drew: Okay…

Ilsh and I are walking to the cashier in the Flamingo to cash out our chips when I hear someone behind me holler "Too Sweet me, bro! Too Sweet me!"

I turn around and see a pudgy white bloke in a dress shirt asking me to Too Sweet him.

I indulge his request.

Ilsh: What was all that?
Jon: Heh. It's something a wrestling stable in Japan does.

Ilsh: And then he did this hand gesture and the dude stopped shouting "Too sweet."
Drew: Okay…

Later that day, Ilsh and I are walking through the Linq Promenade when I hear someone behind me holler "Too Sweet me, bro!"

I turn around and see another pudgy white bloke in a dress shirt asking me to Too Sweet him.

I take a few steps in his direction, decide against Too Sweet-ing him, and turn back around.

Ilsh is doubly bemused now.

"Was he the same dude from earlier?" I wonder. "Did he (or they) notice that my shirt is not a Bullet Club shirt? Or does wearing a play on a Bullet Club shirt suggest familiarity with Bullet Club?"

I am almost 35 years old.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

34. Whitney Houston, we have a problem (Claws, S01E10)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Coffee time!" (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "And last night, I had another Monica Bellucci dream." (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "Monica was very pleasant." (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • RT: Whilst Jake was still at university, his original 2010 viral accents [YouTube] video caught the attention of David Lynch, who promptly got in touch to discuss a potential role for Jake in one of his upcoming projects. Jake then kept in regular contact with Lynch on Skype. (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "Honey! Call 9-1-1! We got a dead one at the bar." (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • ♫: Lissie – "Wild West" (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • RT: Anyone else see the audience for James in Part 13 was the same for the band in Part 14? (Twin Peaks, S03E14)
  • "Nothing fucks you harder than time." (Game of Thrones, S07E05)
  • "Okay, you know, I'm not trying to call Jenn out or anything, but she's always at that Messianic place square-dancing with that rabbi dude. You know, coming back with that…certain smell? You know, like, yard onions and conditioner?" (Claws, S01E10)
  • Claws Season Grade: C
  • "I'm a Villanova guy." (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "Do you like The Weeknd?" (Insecure, S02E04)

(Insecure, S02E04)

  • "Your black cock feels so good in my white pussy!" (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "You know who could fuck? LaMarcus." (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "Nothing but float!" (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "What I wanna talk to you about is the seriousness of Lion King in this day and age." (Insecure, S02E04)
  • "Rick, is this a Saw thing? Are you seriously Saw-ing the Vindicators?" (Rick and Morty, S03E04)
  • Logic (Rick and Morty, S03E04)
  • "Meanwhile, I have a rape fantasy." (Preacher, S02E09)
  • RZA (Snowfall, S01E07)
  • Every Time I Die (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E03)
  • ♫: Jackal – "Animal Style" (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E03)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Insecure


Eater's Digest: Los Angeles 5

Previously on Adam Riff™:

This is the last of my formidable backlog of food notes that I desperately needed to clear. Some dishes I tried are no longer available. So it goes.

August 2016 – March 2017
b sweet dessert bar / belcampo / birch / the carving board / cassell's hamburgers / the chairman / chichen itza / destroyer / erven / here's looking at you / hoke poke / kato / the korean mkt. / lemonade / little tart / mad pambazos / the mar vista / octopus / park's bbq / popdup / the pie hole / plan check / pot cafe / public school 213 / revolutionario / salt and straw / seasalt / terracotta / tomgeorge / ugly drum / villa moreliana / westbound / zankou chicken

Rockin' Roe Bowl (The Korean Mkt.)
assorted fish roe, uni, and pickled veggies over seasoned rice

^ For your eyes only.

Chicken Confit (Destroyer)
yukon gold potato, aged cheese, yuzu, hazelnut

^ Jordan Kahn is a pretentious chef, but this was yummy. The chicken is not visible.

Khinkali (Tumanyan Khinkali Factory)
large, filled georgian dumpling
—Its pinched top was nigh inedible.

Spaghetti and Meatballwich (The Carving Board)
sliced all-beef meatballs topped with a homemade marinara and melted mozzarella, served between parmesan spaghetti bread with extra marinara on the side

^ Also nigh inedible: This spaghetti bread.

(Mad Pambazos) is a Mad Max-themed food truck.

Toecutter (Mad Pambazos)
guajillo-braised goat shoulder, oaxaca cheese, cabbage salad, pickled jalapeño, cotija, and crema

^ The bun is dipped in a salsa roja before crisping up on the grill. This creates a crust of slightly dried salsa that surrounds the bread, giving it a distinct red sheen.


"Samoa" Cookie Bread Pudding (B Sweet Dessert Bar)

BLT Panzanella (Lemonade)
turkey, bacon, avocado, tomatoes, arugula vinaigrette
—One of the few items worth ordering at (Lemonade).

Butter Chicken Crispy Rice Balls (Birch)
cucumber yogurt, mint, cilantro

Overheard at Smorgasburg LA:

"Is there actually llama in there?"
"It's Peruvian!"

(Revolutionario) is "the first and only North African Taco restaurant in the world."

Duck Hash Taco (Revolutionario)

(Tomgeorge) is "Budapest's #1 Italian restaurant."

Nutella Pizza (Tomgeorge)
strawberries, banana, almonds, whipped cream

(Kato) serves an ever-changing contemporary Taiwanese tasting menu.

Smoked Hamachi (Kato)
charred scallion sauce, lightly pickled cucumbers

Crispy Rice (Kato)
kale, mushrooms, soft scrambled egg

Buttermilk Pudding (Kato)
rose ice

The Makgeolli (Terracotta)
passion fruit cream, banana ice cream, makgeolli foam

^ Used in the foam, Makgeolli is Korea's oldest alcoholic beverage.

Sweet Potato Crack Fries (Little Tart)
sweet potato fries served with housemade bacon honey, topped with green onions and peanuts

^ I am not a fan of sweet potato, but these were addictive.

[Complimentary] Popcorn (Westbound)
distilled vinegar powder, onion powder, garlic powder, salt
—As was this, which is supposed to taste like Cool Ranch Doritos.


Compartes' Spring Awakening Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
freeze-dried strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries coated in milk chocolate and stirred into milk chocolate ice cream with a kick of strawberry vanilla jam

^ I am not a fan of milk chocolate, but this was scrumptious.

Twenty-Four Blackbirds' Matcha Mint Chocolate Ganache Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
mint ganache truffles stirred into matcha ice cream with a touch of citrus
—The texture of the truffles was not one that I had encountered before in ice cream.

K-Pop (Terracotta)
chocolate cream, banana-caramel, chocolate crunch
—Heh. Koreatown, popsicle, get it?

112 "Peaches and Cream" (Westbound)
grilled peaches, ginger beer gelée, peach cream, apple celery sorbet

Duck Nuggets (Birch)
pickled veggies

^ Well, one nugget…

(Erven) was the best vegan restaurant that I have ever dined at.

This past June, (Erven) overhauled its menu, adding meat and dairy. Most everything vegan that Hugo and I feasted on [Sauerkraut Fry Bread with smoky apple sauce, Seaweed "Doritos," Pretzel Bread Pudding, Green Onion Spaghetti, et cetera] is memorialized here.

Beer-Battered Tofu Sandwich (Erven)
with slaw, thick pickle, and manchamantel

Fennel Cake (Erven)
with rhubarb-balsalmic jam, iced pecan milk, and dried strawberries

Black Sesame Cake (Erven)
with passion fruit custard, cilantro sorbet, and coconut meringue


Smoked Trout Dip (Erven)
with "everything bagel-spiced" beet churros

"Thai Style" Burrito (Erven)
with fried rice, tempura sweet potato, lime cream, peanuts, and tom yum gravy

Dragon's Breath (Chocolate Chair)

^ A cup of fruity cereal is blasted with flavourless liquid nitrogen. The result? You get to look like a dragon, while dipping the icy cold cereal in sauces like chocolate, mint, and rose.


Pitches Brew

Bring It On: Worldwide #Cheersmack will be released on home video on August 29.

It is the sixth Bring It On film.

Only the first Bring It On film was released theatrically, whereas all five Step Up films were.

The director of Bring It On: Worldwide #Cheersmack previously directed You Got Served: Beat the World.

Bring It On 6 was filmed in South Africa, like Honey 3.

The director of Bring It On 6 wrote Honey 4.

The director of Bring It On 5 directed all four Honey films, as well as Drumline 2.

The director of Can't Buy Me Love directed Bring It On 3 and 4.

Bring It On 3 stars Solange and Rihanna.

Bring It On 3, in which Hayden Panettiere plays a cheerleader, was released within two months of Heroes' first season, in which Hayden Panettiere plays a cheerleader.

Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote music and lyrics for Bring It On: The Musical.

Hot Ones

Briet concocted a recipe that was 75% beer and low on sugar, allowing the flavour of the beer to shine.

Now, Briet makes eight or so flavours, along with some snackable ale and IPA glazed peanuts.

Blend up some beer-glazed peanuts and you can make a beer-glazed peanut butter and beer jelly sandwich – with beer bread.


"A fully cooked omelet in the shape of a link."

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

33. Oh Boy, Dany (Game of Thrones, S07E04)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Giant screen (Twin Peaks, S03E13)

(Twin Peaks, S03E13)

  • Big Ed (Twin Peaks, S03E13)
  • Double R franchises (Twin Peaks, S03E13)
  • One hit wonder James (Twin Peaks, S03E13)
  • "Who taught you how to do that?"
    "No one." (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • "How many men do we have in the north to fight him? 10,000? Less?"
    "Fewer." (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • "Ser Davos, Lord Snow."
    "King Snow, isn't it? No, that doesn't sound right. King Jon?" (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • Noah Syndergaard (Game of Thrones, S07E04)
  • "Virginia loves me. She loves me, and she helps me when I get upset, and I help her too, and she may have food issues that place her on the autistic spectrum, so we're an excellent match. Also, I love sex." (Claws, S01E09)
  • Sterling K. Brown (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "Hey, did we ever finish watching that Shark Tank from last week? See, I wish Daymond could be in every episode. I don't know why they make him alternate with that Peter Pan-looking white lady." (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "Um, I was thinking, would you mind if I titty-fucked you?"
    "Uh, I'd like to respectfully decline."
    "Okay, well, thank you for being so respectful." (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "You a fuck nigga who thinks he's a good dude." (Insecure, S02E03)
  • "Is this the first part of some kind of magic trick?"
    "I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eyeliner." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "We have 34 armed guards and we can't kill a pickle?" (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "You're an intelligent pickle." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • "Why didn't you want to come here?"
    "Because I don't respect therapy. Because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle…when I feel like it."
    "Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse, and I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk, to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet, you are dripping with rat blood and feces, your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass, because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is, it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just…work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people, well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose." (Rick and Morty, S03E03)
  • Susan Sarandon (Rick and Morty, S03E03)

(WWE Raw, 08-07-17)

  • "I'm Maxine North-Carmichael."
    "You hyphenated? Lord, even your name is a threesome." (The Carmichael Show, S03E12)
  • "Cynthia, the diamond trade is vicious and destructive, so if you see a diamond on a ring, that means somebody in Africa died to get that."
    "Oh, well, if the ring is in the store, then whoever got the diamond is already dead. So you saying you want these Africans to have died for nothing?"
    "Yeah, Maxine. You always telling us to recycle, and here you wasting dead Africans." (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • "Oh, thank you, ma'am." (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • "Isn't it ironic that black people were brought here in chains, and then as soon as we get money, we put them on again?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • "Why does money make this family throw food in the trash? You know there are starving kids in Africa."
    "Make up your mind about these Africans, Maxine. Are they dead or are they starving?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E13)
  • The Carmichael Show Season Grade: B-
  • Brandon Wardell as Skrillex (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E02)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Game of Thrones
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction

Business Insider's "Great Cheese Hunt": Gooey, salty, creamy, delicious! No matter what form it takes, cheese is amazing! We're going out to find the people who make it best, and we want to share it with you.

Hearst's "Wiki What?": An ESQUIRE influencer sits down with a laptop and a celebrity guest. The influencer then gives the guest a closer look at some of the things about them that's living out on the Internet — from their Wikipedia page to a Google image search.

NBA's "WNBA All-Access" takes fans behind the scenes with the stars of the WNBA for an all-access pass to their lives on and off the court.

Nashville Hot American Summer

B: Hey, can you pick up The Boy at 17:00 today?
Jon: Sure.
B: I will send you a map of where he is located.

LARP Training and Day Camp

Skills that will be developed include drama, fighting styles, character traits, monster abilities, plot complexity, and code breaking.

One of the first campers I see has a robust rat-tail.

De-emphasize empathy

X-Men: First Class, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Prometheus

20th Century Fox: What other IP do we control?

Playhome Alone
Attack of the Jocks
Fore Fantastic

The mythology of The Conjuring has expanded into a fully-fledged universe thanks to 2014's Annabelle — a Conjuring prequel about that film's possessed doll, and last year's The Conjuring 2.

A second Annabelle film is due out this Friday, while The Nun, a solo film for a supernatural character introduced in The Conjuring 2, recently wrapped. Wan is also developing a second Conjuring 2 spin-off, The Crooked Man, as well as The Conjuring 3. [source]

The Doll
one week

The Crooked Man
one day

The Nun
one hour


"A funny movie."

Sam Raimi is in this?!

Q: Which three are the geezers?

Follow actor J Kimball as he researches what it's like to be old for a role in an upcoming movie. [source]

J.K. Simmons plays J Kimball. The oldest man on the poster is not one of the geezers!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

32. Fashion Peaks (WWE SmackDown LIVE, 08-01-17)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, rightful heir to the Iron Throne, rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains."
    "This is Jon Snow."
    "He's King in the North." (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "Does she like it gentle or rough? A finger in the bum?" (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "But a wise man once said that you should never believe a thing simply because you want to believe it."
    "Which wise man said this?"
    "I don't remember."
    "Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?" (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "But as a good friend of mine once said, 'Give me 10 good men and I'll impregnate the bitch.'" (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me." (Game of Thrones, S07E03)
  • "Does it always have to be about you?"
    "Uh, yes, girl. I'm a millennial." (Claws, S01E08)
  • "Let's rock!" (Twin Peaks, S03E12)
  • Audrey Horne! (Twin Peaks, S03E12)
  • ♫: Boogie – "No Way" (Insecure, S02E02)
  • Frank Ocean phone case (Insecure, S02E02)
  • "I just didn't know what to do, so I stressed watched the documentary 13th." (Insecure, S02E02)
  • "Rick, didn't you say you needed my help on an adventure immediately somewhere else, I don't care, even if it might kill us?"
    "I did not, but if you're really that alienated, I'm as willing to exploit it as the next guy, church, army, or Olympic gymnastics trainer." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "Aw, jeez, my sister died in the spaghetti." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "No union built on running from your problems lasts more than five years, seven tops." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "Remote override engaged. No! Yes. Bypassing override! I am aliiiiiiiii… Hello." (Rick and Morty, S03E02)
  • "The Samson Unit of The Grail handles the false prophets – contenders to Christ's throne. Our job is to rid the world of their competing narratives: Charlemagne, Lincoln, Belushi, you name it." (Preacher, S02E07)

(Preacher, S02E07)

(What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)

  • "Are we? Posers that press a button?"
    "No. We're shamanic healers offering glimpses of enlightenment through music." (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)
  • "What's lamer than a DJ war?"
    "Tom Hiddleston, but he's a friend of mine." (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)
  • Written by James Van Der Beek! (What Would Diplo Do?, S01E01)
  • "I'm going to Tower Video."
    "Great! Why don't you go to a B. Dalton Bookseller on the way, while you're at it?" (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E01)
  • Andre's apartment on The League (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E01)
  • "He called me once but then hung up."
    "How'd you know it was him?"
    "Star 69." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E02)
  • "This buyer you speak of is coming for your camp today, but they'll come for ours tomorrow, itching to build B. Dalton Booksellers or a Circuit City or a Blockburster Verdio." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E03)
  • "You know what people like her do with summer camps, Beth? They turn them into B. Dalton Booksellers." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E03)
  • "It should look like Edward James Olmos." (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E04)
  • Jason Schwartzman drumming (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E04)
  • "A makeover? Do you know how to do that?"
    "What do you think I've been taking night classes at Barbizon for? To pass the time?" (Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later, S02E05)
  • ♫: Animotion – "Obsession" (Comrade Detective, S01E01)
  • "I think there's been an intruder!"
    "I'm sure it's nothing, ma'am. It's just a neighbour's misguided attempt at redistributing Nikita's wealth. Don't worry. Go back to bed." (Comrade Detective, S01E01)
  • "What is this?"
    "It's a Western game. After the financial collapse of America, the Great Depression of 1929, the populace began to lose faith in their capitalist system."
    "So they invented this game to rebuild trust. It's called Monopoly."
    "And how do you play?"
    "So each rectangle represents a piece of property. The object of the game is to purchase the property and hope your opponent lands on the property that you own."
    "That way, they pay you rent. The more rent you get paid, the more money you make, the more properties you purchase."
    "And when your opponents have no money left and are completely in your debt, then, and only then, do you win the game."
    "You're telling me that the purpose of this game is to drive your fellow citizens into poverty so that you may get rich? It's diabolical."
    "It's just a game."
    "Nowadays, the West finds it as a useful tool to indoctrinate young children into the capitalist system." (Comrade Detective, S01E02)
  • "Great. You happy? Not even our health care system can save him now." (Comrade Detective, S01E02)
  • "Bean soup is a delicacy." (Comrade Detective, S01E03)
  • ♫: Gleaming Spires – "Are You Ready for the Sex Girls" (Comrade Detective, S01E03)
  • "My AIDS! My contagious AIDS!" (Comrade Detective, S01E04)
  • "As the United States grows, it's profiting off slavery, off the working poor, off immigrants. They even put their own children to work. And how do they justify these atrocities? One word: God. They justify every awful thing they do with the word of God." (Comrade Detective, S01E04)
  • "You can keep your invisible hand. I've got an iron fist." (Comrade Detective, S01E06)
  • Comrade Detective Season Grade: B-

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show


Right in front of my salad

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Apropos of nothing, I re-scored Game of Thrones' opening credits with Future's "Mask Off:

The visual is from "Hardhome."

Buttlord Paperclip Pirate

In the mid-1990s, I discovered Idiot Letters by Paul Rosa in the humour section at Crown Books.

Look out, public relations; take cover, customer service — Paul Rosa's letter is in the mail and his inventively imbecilic queries about consumer products have a way of eliciting equally idiotic and even more unlikely answers from some of America's biggest companies.

Then along came Letters from a Nut by Ted L. Nancy, which I regarded as Idiot Letters adjace, but was endorsed by Jerry Seinfeld, who people suspected was Ted L. Nancy.

With the publication of a fourth Letters from a Nut book in 2010, Barry Marder revealed himself to be Ted L. Nancy. Marder co-wrote Bee Movie with Seinfeld.

So now then.

Wikipedia » Barry Marder » "Ted L. Nancy":

In 2002 ABC developed a pilot for a television series based on Letters From A Nut. It was written and produced by Barry Marder and Jerry Seinfeld.

In 2003 FX Television made a pilot for The Ted L. Nancy Show. That show was written and produced by Marder and Seinfeld.

In 2007, Lionsgate Television optioned the books from Marder to make into a television show. The following year, Lionsgate sold the show as a pilot presentation to Fox TV. That show called Sincerely, Ted L. Nancy [was] created and written by Seinfeld and Marder.


Letters from a Nut = Seinfeld's The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. Who knew?

In 2013 Scholastic published an historical Ted L. Nancy book entitled Letters From A Nut's Family Tree.

A Ted L. Nancy UNIVERSE!