15. Roadblock: Shamir's Testicles (The Amazing Race, S29E02)
- "I lost the year 1996 to schnapps. I still don't know what the Macarena is." (Bob's Burgers, S07E16)
"It's definitely not a him because it has babies."
"Oh, a gay raccoon can't have babies?"
"Oh, I dunno, I guess he could adopt or have a surrogate." (Bob's Burgers, S07E16)
"It has three black rings on its tail and its ear kinda has a notch in it."
"A gauge? Has that reached the raccoon community?" (Bob's Burgers, S07E16)
"Oh, hey, I got you something too. Turn it upside down. Her clothes come off."
"Wait, why would you think I'd be into this?"
"Oh, I bought a white woman 'cause I just didn't want to assume…" (Making History, S01E05)
- ♫: "Ants Marching" (Making History, S01E05)
- "It appears we're dealing with a deaf, or, like, a Nell." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E14)
- "LaFontaines are notorious bullies." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E14)
- Hot tub sundae (The Last Man on Earth, S03E14)
- "I'm bending over backwards for this kid, pulling out all the stops, but he's just acting like a real LaFontaine." (The Last Man on Earth, S03E14)
- The Walking Dead Season Grade: D-
- "My Joan is faaar worse than your Joan." (Feud, S01E05)
- "Hypocrisy is the tribute vice must pay to virtue." (Feud, S01E05)
"You don't have to use your own dick for dick pics. You just Google 'picture of dick.' Gotta make sure it looks enough like your dick, because you don't want your dick pic to write a check that your real dick can't cash. You want to see the dick I use? It might be able to work for both of us. I have an Indian friend who uses a picture of my actual dick."
"I don't want to use your dick." (Crashing, S01E07)
- Miranda Otto outrunning fire (24: Legacy, S01E10)
"I couldn't find your trash bin, so I threw it away in the toilet."
"What'd you throw in the toilet?"
"The, uhh, salami from the fridge."
"I didn't flush it, so you're gonna have a bunch of salami floating around in your toilet bowl."
"What?" (New Girl, S06E22)
- "Children's literature just got a brand new daddy." (New Girl, S06E22)
- "I published the entire Bitch Witch series: Bitch Witch Christmas, Bitch Witch Prom Night, and Bitch Witches of Rhode Island. (New Girl, S06E22)
"Wanna hear some music?"
"Sure, yeah, that could be inspiring."
[sings "Hot Cross Buns"] (New Girl, S06E22)
- New Girl Season Grade: C
"It's like a sweatier, more violent Melrose Place."
"Those are my only two criticisms of Melrose Place." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E18)
- "Do you want to hear about Lotus 1-2-3?" (The Americans, S05E05)
- Kevin Nash (Detroiters, S01E09)
- "Husky Boys: Chode style." (Detroiters, S01E09)
- "To our mouths and buttholes, may they never meet." (Detroiters, S01E09)
- "No, no no no no. Don't check a man's search history." (Speechless, S01E19)
- "Ma'am, my name is Ahmad Rashad, and your hand is on my penis." (Black-ish, S03E20)
"Speak any German?"
"You know, 'don't shoot,' 'I surrender,' 'Hitler's the tops,' stuff like that." (Archer, S08E01)
- Wine for cats and dogs (Shark Tank, S08E20)
Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Legion
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets