Jewelry and Firearms

// Austin, TX

Seems like every girl here is gluten-free.

Why am I being warned about the risks of drinking while pregnant in a men's washroom?

"Whiskey" without an E looks wrong.

A homeless dude slumped over in a wheelchair on the side of a highway exit ramp turned down my La Barbecue leftovers because of an upset stomach.

Great OutDogs is "the go-to place for outdoor-related dog gear." [pause] White people, amirite?

The Indian musical numbers and Indian music videos that precede Fantastic Fest screenings seemingly all feature a middle-aged-looking man with a mustache and dad bod singing and dancing with a horde of young women.

Floppy Disk Repair

// Austin, TX

Chefs here sure like goat cheese.

The Texas School for the Deaf has a football team. What schools do they play?

I hate that you have to go up to Barton Springs or down to West Mary to get from South First to South Lamar. Bouldin = Lake Union in Seattle.

I walked down East Sixth Street on a slow night. It was just a parade of loitering bouncers.

Still no Brandon Stroud sighting at Fantastic Fest.

When a bed has a flat tucked-in sheet on top of a fitted sheet, are you supposed to sleep under said flat sheet?

No Guns, No Smoking, No Meanies

Carnival Cruise Corporation Venturing Into Original Programming

Carnival has created three original TV programs that will air on major networks on Saturday mornings beginning October 1.

"Vacation Creation," featuring "In Living Color" star and comedian Tommy Davidson and YouTube celebrity Andrea Feczko as hosts, personalizes vacations of a lifetime for couples, individuals and families facing hardship, in need of hope or seeking much-needed time together.

Carnival Cruise Corporation created a television programme in which In Living Colour's Tommy Davidson and a YouTube celebrity surprise the tired and poor with dream vacations.

It's like a Mad Lib.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

39. Toy Story (Brad Neely's Harg Nallin' Sclopio Peepio, S01E10)

Honourable Mention

  • Graveyard Slumber Party (One Mississippi, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • Mike Schur "cameo" (The Good Place, S01E01)
  • Point system examples (The Good Place, S01E01)
  • An Asian character named "Jianyu" (The Good Place, S01E01)
  • Ted Danson licking his sweat (The Good Place, S01E02)
  • "I wasn't freakin' Gandhi, but I was okay… I was a medium person. I should get to spend eternity in a medium place, like Cincinnati. Everyone who wasn't perfect but wasn't terrible should get to spend eternity in Cincinnati." (The Good Place, S01E02)
  • "We could've literally been flying, and all you wanted to do was talk about morals. I mean, you're like the worst part of Superman." (The Good Place, S01E02)
  • "I'm not a mountain of strength; I'm a canyon…full of poo poo." (The Good Place, S01E02)
  • "End of the line, slut."
    "I'm sorry. Huh? What are you trying to say?"
    "He said, 'End of the line, slut'!" (Vice Principals, S01E09)
  • Principal Gamby knife (Vice Principals, S01E09)
  • Vice Principals Season Grade: D+
  • Father John Misty (Brad Neely's Harg Nallin' Sclopio Peepio, S01E10)
  • Brad Neely's Harg Nallin' Sclopio Peepio Season Grade: D
  • DJ B-day (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E01)
  • "That's a high school graduation ring. Dan Marino High."
    "Marino High. Home of the Dolphins, I suspect."
    "No, Pet Detectives."
    "Classic film. One of my childhood favourites. And it only gets overtly transphobic at the very end, so, a win." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E01)
  • "I poked my head in the shower. Perfect. Gentle, unrelenting pressure. Like when my mom made me rehearse my Haftorah portion. (New Girl, S06E01)
  • Schmidt's pronunciation of "coupons" (New Girl, S06E01)
  • "You can't control who you panache." (New Girl, S06E01)
  • "Narnia…" (New Girl, S06E01)
  • Arthur meme (Atlanta, S01E04)
  • "But you know who Steve McQueen is, though."
    "Yeah, well, I'm Nigerian." (Atlanta, S01E04)
  • "Black people don't know who Steve McQueen is." (Atlanta, S01E04)
  • "Chinese people are short 'cause of Genghis Khan." (Atlanta, S01E04)
  • ♫: Michael Kiwanuka – "Home Again" (Atlanta, S01E04)
  • Birdman (Empire, S03E01)
  • "You got to go ahead of Green Day. Did you see the puss on Tré Cool?" (Black-ish, S03E01)
  • "This isn't Burn Notice. There are no blue skies for you out there. Characters like you are not welcome here." (Mr. Robot, S02E12)
  • "" (Mr. Robot, S02E12)
  • "What is really happening?" (Mr. Robot, S02E12)
  • Mr. Robot Season Grade: C
  • "That's what the money's for!" (You're the Worst, S03E04)
  • "Nothing gets this pimp through a dumb baby class like toilet beer." (You're the Worst, S03E04)
  • "Rainbro Cones" (One Mississippi, S01E05)
  • One Mississippi Season Grade: C-

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta


Dishoom Reigns

// Austin, TX

Traffic lights here stay green hella long.

Big Red is no Cheerwine.

You can't twist the cap off a bottle of Mexican Coca-Cola?

H-E-B's logo reminds me of Ren and Stimpy.

Steven thought Whole Foods Market was a local chain.

I got stuck behind Harry Knowles and his wheelchair while trying to exit the Fantastic Fest venue to catch a bus.

Black Beatles

I switched up the stops on my autumn tour this year.

First stop: Austin, TX for Fantastic Fest – my first visit to Austin.

My tentative Fantastic Fest schedule:

Thursday, Sep 22
5:00PM Arrival
8:30PM The Handmaiden
Friday, Sep 23
11:45AM The Red Turtle
2:30PM Viceland's Nirvanna the Band the Show
4:45PM Toni Erdmann
8:45PM The Bad Batch
Saturday, Sep 24
2:15PM They Call Me Jeeg Robot
5:15PM The Eyes of My Mother
8:45PM Re: Born
11:15PM Headshot
Sunday, Sep 25
11:00AM Fraud
2:30PM Playground
4:15PM Puke and Explode: The FF Eating Contest
6:00PM Raw
Monday, Sep 26
11:45AM Pervert Boy
1:45PM The Age of Shadows
5:30PM Down Under
8:30PM The Girl with All the Gifts
11:15PM The Young Offenders
Tuesday, Sep 27
2:00PM American Honey
5:15PM A Monster Calls
8:15PM Elle
11:45PM Call of Heroes
Wednesday, Sep 28
8:45PM My Entire High School Sinking Into the Sea
Thursday, Sep 29
10:45AM RZA: Live from the 36th Chamber
5:00PM HBO's Westworld
7:20PM Colossal

Bummed that I could not fit in Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children or Asura: The City of Madness.

Eater's Digest: Downtown Los Angeles

Previously on Adam Riff™:

I have a formidable backlog of food notes on New York City and Los Angeles dating back to May 2014 that I desperately need to clear. Some restaurants I tried have closed. Some dishes I tried are no longer available.

Phase three:

Downtown Los Angeles (May 2014 – September 2016)
b.s. taqueria / bäco mercat / bar ama / barrel down / bearclaw kitchen / belcampo meat co. / birdies / the black sheep / bombo / bottega louie / the briks / broken spanish / burritos la palma / califas taco / the chairman / chego! / chicas tacos / crepes sans frontieres / crispy cuban / donut friend / downtown donuts / fritzi / eat drink americano / eggslut / eko eats / gelateria uli / good gravy bakes / gresescent / guerrilla tacos / guisados / howlin' ray's / j's mart cafe / knead and co. / lemonade / the little jewel of new orleans / little sister / madcapra / mariscos jalisco / mcconnell's fine ice cream / mr. ramen / octopus / ohana poké co. / ol' skool bbq / osso / otium / the pie hole / pitfire pizza / pizzanista! / plan check / poke express by honda-ya / poke-2-go / preux and proper / raindrop cake / rucker's pie / sea salt fish grill / semi sweet bakery / seoul sausage co. / sidechick / sixth street tavern / sonoratown / spitz / spread mediterranean kitchen / the stocking frame / stoked! california bbq / sugarfish / triple 8 / ugly drum / valerie confections / van leeuwen artisan ice cream / wafl / wokcano / woodspoon / zema

Steak Tartare with Mustard Ice Cream (Eat Drink Americano)
raw diced filet mignon, home-made dijon mustard ice cream

^ The difference in temperature can be jarring.

Hudson Valley Foie Gras Torchon (Preux and Proper)
pain perdu, smoked strawberries, doubletree sorghum, fruity pebbles

^ I've eaten foie gras with French toast and/or berries before, but never with SMOKED berries and Fruity Pebbles.

Jambalaya Biscuit Pizza (Preux and Proper)
wild mexican white shrimp, pulled chicken, persillade, smoked moz

^ The biscuit base was unappetizingly chewy.

(Woodspoon) is a "rustic Brazilian kitchen" that flavours its water with a cinnamon stick. To my amusement, it neighbours an Argentinian restaurant.

Brazilian Chicken Pot Pie (Woodspoon)
hearts of palm, black olives, hard-boiled egg

Not sure what is Brazilian about this pot pie, but it was pleasantly dense.


8. Fried Chicken (Eko Eats)

7. Birdies Spicy Sandwich (Birdies)
fried chicken breast, cole slaw, ghost pepper mayo, tillamook pepper jack, cured pickles
—Not spicy at all.

6. Chicken and Donuts (Sixth Street Tavern)
tapatio whipped cream

^ Tapatio whipped cream!

5. Nashville Hot Chicken (Howlin' Ray's)
bread, pickles
—Prepare to queue an hour to order.

4. Da KFC (Seoul Sausage Co.)
twice-fried wings, gochujang honey, pickled daikon
—Hella crispy.

3. Half Fried Chicken (Osso)
potato salad
—Because it's cooked-to-order in a skillet, prepare to wait half an hour for this to arrive.

2. Za'taar Fried Chicken (Spread Mediterranean Kitchen)
za'atar ranch
—A boneless delight.

1. Southern Fry Sandwich (Plan Check)
smokey fried jidori chicken, spicy green pimento cheese, duck breast ham, pickles

^ Plan Check's Plan Check Burger (americanized dashi cheese, KETCHUP LEATHER™, schmaltz onions, mixed pickles, crunch bun) didn't wow me, but its Southern Fry Sandwich is on my Mount Rushmore of fried chicken sandwiches.

The Classic Brik (The Briks)
tuna, capers, shallots, harissa, egg

A brik is a Tunisian deep-fried filled filo dough pastry.

(The Briks)' menu is presented in a Pee Chee folder and its washroom walkway is wallpapered with pages from a print version of the Urban Dictionary.


6. Churro Funnel Cake (Bar Amá)
chocolate sauce, powdered sugar, vanilla ice cream

5. Man Salad (Seoul Sausage Co.)
tater tots, kim cheese, pickled veggies

4. Ooey Gooey Fries (Chego!)
beer-battered fries, sour cream sambal, monterey jack and cheddar cheese, cotija, chillies, cilantro, pickled garlic

3. Fish and Shrimp Po'Boy (The Little Jewel of New Orleans)
golden fried catfish, shrimp
—My go-to when I want a meal delivered in DTLA.

2. Fresh Thick-Cut Fries (The Chairman)
—Bomb thick fries.

1. Beef Tallow Fries (Belcampo Meat Co.)
—Bomb thin fries.

Midnight Slider (The Black Sheep)
pork sausage patty, hash brown, fried egg, american, pepper jack, chipotle aioli

^ The inclusion of a hash brown patty was interesting.

Slut (Eggslut)
cage-free coddled egg on top of a smooth potato purée, poached in a glass jar, topped with gray salt and chives, served with slices of baguette

^ An eggy mashed potato spread.


5. Cochinita Pibil Taco (Guisados)
shredded pork cooked in a sweet red achiote spice, black beans, yucatan compliments, pickled red onions, habañero chile

4. The Foghorn Leghorn (White Boy Tacos)
geiikikan sake-marinated chicken breast, scrambled eggs, red and yellow bell pepper, green onion, cilantro, home-made old bay aioli

3. Tripita Taco (Sonoratown)
mesquite-grilled, house-made flour tortilla, chopped cabbage, spicy red salsa, avocado sauce

2. Clams and Lardo Taco (B.S. Taqueria)
garlic chips

^ Brothy!

1. Fish Taco (Chicas Tacos)
beer-battered fish, caesar salad, croutons, morita salsa, queso manchego

^ A fish taco topped with Caesar salad.

Smorgasburg is a weekly outdoor food market.


4. Strawberry Passion Fruit Crumble (Bearclaw Kitchen)
layers of fresh strawberries, fresh cream, passion fruit curd, shortcake crumble

3. Hainan Chicken (Sidechick)
garlic rice, pickled cucumbers

2. [tie] Fritter Seems Forever (Donut Friend) /

Polar Berry Club (Donut Friend) /
lemon glaze, fresh mixed berries, mint

Chocolate from the Crypt (Donut Friend)
a chocolate cake donut, chocolate glaze, cayenne pepper, cinnamon, chocolate shavings

^ The best fritter, yeast-raised donut, and cake donut that I have ever eaten on the west coast are made by the producer of Blink-182's Dude Ranch and Finch's What It Is to Burn.

1. Pastrami Sandwich (Ugly Drum)
prime brisket brined for two weeks, rubbed with pepper and spices, then smoked with hardwoods overnight; served on izzy's rye from la brea bakery with plochman's spicy brown mustard

^ If Franklin Barbecue's brisket and Mile End's smoked meat sandwich mated. If only it didn't cost $20…

3. (The Pie Hole)
2. (Gresescent) Ice Cream
1. (Gelateria Uli)

3. Double Crust Apple
2. Fresh Strawberry
1. Chocolate Crostata

4. Raspberry Nutella
3. Strawberry Jam
2. Lemon Bar
1. Blackberry Mint Mojito

5. [tie] Rye Bread / Poblano
4. Snow Queen Nectarine
3. Strawberry Stracciatella
2. Orange Passion Fruit Stracciatella
1. Chocolate [Sorbet]

Raindrop Cake (Raindrop Cake / Smorgasburg: Los Angeles)

^ The viral dessert of 2016 is a blob of water and agar served with roasted soy flour and a syrup [in my case, matcha green tea].

While the "cake" is supposed to be flavourless [you're practically eating water], it is acutely flavourness, and no amount of syrup can mask its acute flavourlessness.

Initially, I thought it was a baked cake, and was mystified by its translucence.

Strawberry Shortcake Donut (Birdies)

^ Cream overload.

112 (Westbound)
grilled peaches, ginger beer gelée, peach cream, celery apple sorbet
—Peaches and cream, heh.


Popcorn (Westbound)
distilled vinegar powder, onion powder, garlic powder, salt
—An addictive complimentary snack. It's supposed to taste like Cool Ranch Doritos?

Oxtail Quesadilla (Broken Spanish)
plantain, habañero, salsa quemada

Lamb Neck Tamale (Broken Spanish)
king oyster mushroom, queso oaxaca

Macaroni and Cheese Pizza (Pizzanista!)
tomato sauce, elbow macaroni, asiago, fontina, cheddar, grana padano

^ Macaroni and cheese and RED SAUCE.

Califas Taco (Califas Taco)
—A messy taco topped with fries.

Potato Waffle (Fritzi)
—Literally mashed potatoes pressed into a waffle maker – bizarro waffle fries.


(Goldenboys Chinese) – "Los Angeles-inspired, farmer's market-fueled, stoner Chinese Food."

The Jane Goodall (White Boy Tacos)
donald duck orange juice- and chili-marinated tofu, grilled banana, aunt jemima maple syrup
—That description…

Beet Trifle (Westbound)
orange cake, regan's orange bitters, beet meringue, spring herb ice cream, brandy caramel

Tim Tam (Westbound)
almond milk panna cotta, nutella crunch, cacao nibs, espellete

^ I assume it tastes like a Tim Tam.

$100 Edible Gold Donut (Birdies)
cream cheese champagne glaze, flakes of 24-karat gold leaf

^ I was talked out of trying it.

claro rum, cognac, meletti amaro, apple, cinnamon


Spinach Bucatini (Otium)
egg, bacon, clam, crème fraîche

^ Orgasm in a bowl.

Bologna Taco (B.S. Taqueria)
kewpie mayonnaise, escabeche

Soft Shell Crab Sandwich (Eat Drink Americano)
english muffin, wakame seaweed, saffron aioli

Pilgrim (Eat Drink Americano)
slow-roasted turkey, traditional stuffing, corn foam, cranberry sauce

Crispy Sunchokes (Bäco Mercat)
tarragon, dukkah, butter croutons

Potato Terrine (Osso)

Donabe Smoked S'mores (Otium)
kumquat, olive sable

^ For brunch, (Otium) serves an off-the-menu donabe smoked French toast and pork belly.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

38. Car chase shot in one take from inside Quarry's car (Quarry, S01E02)

Stray Observations

  • "That was the old me, sex with the mountain trolls." (Son of Zorn, S01E01)
  • Terrell Suggs sex scene (Ballers, S02E08)
  • "This is why you don't drink Icehouse at band practice." (Vice Principals, S01E08)
  • "You know why I got that Tanqueray tattooed on my back?" (Vice Principals, S01E08)
  • ♫: Garth Knight – "88 MPH" (Vice Principals, S01E08)
  • "So you can fuck Bill Hayden, but I can't let Jen Abbott suck upon my penis?" (Vice Principals, S01E08)
  • ♫: Run the Jewels – "A Christmas Fucking Miracle" (Vice Principals, S01E08)
  • "We fitna go run up on a hog right now." (Running Wild with Bear Grylls, S03E06)

(WWE SmackDown Live, 09-13-16)

  • "How do you make money?"
    "I sell drugs. It's lucrative."
    "Yeah, man. It's easy. People are addicted to 'em." (Atlanta, S01E03)
  • "What you call your gun?"
    "Nigga, 'gun.'" (Atlanta, S01E03)
  • Migos (Atlanta, S01E03)
  • "Can I get you something to drink?"
    "Uh, tap water's fine."
    "Earn, I can't drink by myself."
    "Do you have a Miller High Life? Like, the ones in the can?"
    "[chuckles] We got a hipster." (Atlanta, S01E03)
  • "Man, he nervous as hell. Look at him."
    "He's shaking."
    "Well, it's a drug deal, so it's…total vibes." (Atlanta, S01E03)
  • Valet callback (Atlanta, S01E03)
  • "The Four Migos." (Atlanta, S01E03)
  • Joe has an AIDS scare (Halt and Catch Fire, S03E05)
  • MasterChef Season Grade: D
  • "Defeats can still be profitable." (Mr. Robot, S02E11)
  • "I am a woman of time." (Mr. Robot, S02E11)

RT: There were four songs in the episode specifically from the Back to the Future soundtrack. Back to the Future: Part II was very much about alternate timelines.

If we want to know more about Phase 2, we need to listen. (Mr. Robot, S02E11)

  • O.J. and Marcia (American Horror Story, S06E01)
  • Chaz Bono plays one of the hillbilly neighbours (American Horror Story, S06E01)
  • "My brother married one jumpy bitch." (American Horror Story, S06E01)
  • The Blair Witch Story (American Horror Story, S06E01)
  • The ground breathing (American Horror Story, S06E01)
  • "You cannot just show up places."
    "Well, then stop Foursquaring yourself every time you leave the house like the mayor of Thirstytown. Also, stop using Foursquare like the mayor of 2011." (You're the Worst, S03E03)
  • "Can we go on a cruise? That's my dream vacation."
    "Okay, well, if your idea of paradise is succumbing to norovirus on a floating red state, then…sure." (You're the Worst, S03E03)
  • "We also have a cutting edge new line-up of the hottest new hybrid workouts: Piloxing [pilates and boxing], yogitsu [yoga and jiu-jitsu], spowing [spinning and rowing], Zustified [that's Zumba while you binge-watch Justified]…" (You're the Worst, S03E03)
  • "Poor Ronnie, poor Jimmy, poor camel….poor Bing Bong." (You're the Worst, S03E03)
  • "I'm late teaching Treadsparent. It's running on a treadmill while you watch…" (You're the Worst, S03E03)
  • "These hand crutches were all Lindsay could find at the medical supply."
    "I don't like that place. So many weird toilets." (You're the Worst, S03E03)
  • Heckle file tabs: Nutrition, poor people, rollerbladers, the shy, sober people, standard def TV, Tesco, Van Halen (You're the Worst, S03E03)
  • "I'm afraid some of these heckles are a bit of out of date. 'Edgar, I liked you better when you were writing and starring in the hit musical In The Heights." (You're the Worst, S03E03)
  • "Is this about you being molested? Boo hoo. Every neighbourhood had a handsy fishmonger." (You're the Worst, S03E03)
  • "Keep the change, you filthy animal." (High Maintenance, S01E01)

"He's like Mr. Robot or some shit! He's erasing the phone!" (High Maintenance, S01E01)

  • "It's time to eat out a Georgia O'Keeffe painting!" (The Eric Andre Show, S04E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta


Dragons Love Tacos

How did this slip past me completely?

The show is set in Mumbai with the main set of the Anti-Terrorist Unit (ATU) being a replica of the one in the original series. [source]

Sapna Pabbi as Kiran Jai Singh Rathod, Jai's teenage daughter, the character of Kim Bauer in the original series.

Adhish Khanna as Veer Jai Singh Rathod, Jai's son. Veer is an original character who takes over some of Kim Bauer's storylines.

Fraternal Kims!

Season two is currently airing.

Meanwhile, in Russia…

Television Programme Idea: HBO's Oz × Bang Kwang.

Sluggish, lazy, stupid, and unconcerned

What hath Kanye wrought?

Shirt Idea:

A Downtown Fresno eatery will host a one-day pop-up event to honor the life and dreams of rapper Tupac Shakur on Sept. 13 — the 20th anniversary of his death.

The concept comes from sketches and menu ideas he wrote down before his death.

Some of the menu items include the California Love chicken sandwich, Hennessy Apple Butter chicken wings, a mac-and-cheese burger, and Thug Passion cake pops featuring champagne cake with Alize liqueur-flavored frosting. [source]


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

37. My Girl (Atlanta, S01E02)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • ♫: OJ da Juiceman – "No Hook" (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • Cracked iPhone screen (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • "Could you pick up Lotte? I'm getting a job and Van's on a date."
    "Really! Good for her." (Atlanta, S01E01)

(Atlanta, S01E01)

  • "I need Malcolm. You too Martin. You know what they did to him? They killed him."
    "Didn't they kill Malcolm too?"
    "No, they say that, but ain't nobody seen the body since the funeral."
    "…That's how funerals work." (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • "What you really need is a silent wild card, somebody who's about the money, the opportunity, who can play both sides as needed."
    "Oh, like Don Lemon." (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • "I'm sorry, who is this dude?"
    "Darius, man! We met over there by the…when you first walked in…I gave you a cookie…" (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • "Ain't you homeless?"
    "Not real homeless. I'm not using a rat as a phone or something…"
    "That make you schizophrenic. That don't make you homeless."
    "If you could use a rat as a phone, man, that'd be genius. It's like five rats for every one person in New York alone. Everybody would have an affordable phone. It'd be messy, but…worth it." (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • "Muckin' / Muckin' / That's massage and fuckin'…" (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • "Did you just come from that dumpster?"
    "No." (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • "I was just wondering, could I measure your tree?" (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • Nutella (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • "Nigga, if you don't bite this sandwich…" (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • "I like Flo Rida. Moms need to enjoy rap too." (Atlanta, S01E01)
  • "Ey, you listen to Gucci Mane?
    "Man, I locked that nigga up!" (Atlanta, S01E02)
  • "One more for the Instasluts…" (Atlanta, S01E02)

(Atlanta, S01E02)

  • "Lemon pepper wet?!" (Atlanta, S01E02)
  • Glowing box of wings (Atlanta, S01E02)
  • ♫: Rich the Kid – "Running Threw It" (Atlanta, S01E02)
  • "'Is Paper Boi Atlanta's Tupac?' …They say no." (Atlanta, S01E02)
  • ♫: Bill Withers – "Grandma's Hands" (Atlanta, S01E02)
  • Duck Hunt dog laughing (Halt and Catch Fire, S03E04)
  • Gordon freeze frame (Halt and Catch Fire, S03E04)
  • ♫: Bleach 03 – "The Head That Controls Both Right and Left Sides Eats Meat and Slobbers Even Today" (Mr. Robot, S02E10)
  • ♫: Daft Punk – "Armory" (Mr. Robot, S02E10)
  • ♫: The Submarines – "Brightest Hour" (Better Things, S01E01)
  • "If you want to see a fat man farting into a girl's mouth, type in 'fat fart mouth.'" (Better Things, S01E01)
  • "Magic, magic, magic, magic, magic, magic, ATHEISM!" (The Eric Andre Show, S04E05)

(The Eric Andre Show, S04E05)

"I'm giving birth to jazz." (The Eric Andre Show, S04E05)

  • "I gave birth to jeans." (The Eric Andre Show, S04E05)
  • "You ready for some autism?" (The Eric Andre Show, S04E05)
  • ♫: Sufjan Stevens – "Should Have Known Better" (One Mississippi, S01E02)
  • "Some of you young assholes did not prepare." (Last Chance U, S01E03)
  • Last Chance U Season Grade: B-

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta


Last one out of Beach City

A mother and daughter from Duncan, Oklahoma, were arrested after being accused of having an incestuous marriage.

Patricia Spann told officials she didn't think she was breaking any laws by marrying Misty because her name is no longer listed on her daughter's birth certificate.

Court records show this isn't the first time Patricia has married one of her own children: she also wed a son in 2008. [source]


Steve Blackman

Some dude in my block of flats frequently shows up shirtless in the fitness centre to run while I am running.

This week, he began playing music through the speaker of his mobile while running.

On Sunday, I heard Star Wars' main title and The Munsters' theme song under my headphone audio.

On Tuesday, "It's Gonna Be Me" by *NSYNC.

On Wednesday, "Hate Me Now" and "It's All About the Benjamins."

Smoking Kills

Chance the Rapper and Common scheduled their exclamation-marked music festivals in Chicago on the same weekend.

Amazingly, no artists overlap.

Rappers' 2016 music festivals, ranked:

12. Raurfest (Raury)
11. Gathering of the Juggalos (Insane Clown Posse)
10. The Art of Rap (Ice T)
9. AAHH! Fest (Common)
8. Steez Day (Joey Bada$$)
7. Lil WeezyAna Fest (Lil Wayne)
6. Soundset (Atmosphere)
5. Magnificent Coloring Day! (Chance the Rapper)
4. OVO Fest (Drake)
3. Made in America (Jay Z)
2. Camp Flog Gnaw Carnival (Tyler, the Creator)
1. Roots Picnic (The Roots)

Summer Sixteen

Previously on Adam Riff™:
On May 1, Adam Robot and I each drafted 10 films set for release between May 1 and August 31. Whoever's slate earns the most money domestically by Labour Day wins. I won a pre-draft game of rock-paper-scissors to select first, after which we alternated selections.

Final totals:

1. Captain America: Civil War $407,964,934
2. Finding Dory $481,848,069
3. Suicide Squad $297,422,209
4. Independence Day: Resurgence $103,054,053
5. Star Trek Beyond $154,293,322
6. Jason Bourne $155,162,175
7. Now You See Me 2 $65,075,540
8. The Purge: Election Year $79,042,440
9. The Conjuring 2 $102,470,008
10. The Secret Life of Pets $358,555,825


Adam Robot
1. The BFG $54,739,187
2. Alice Through the Looking Glass $77,042,381
3. X-Men: Apocalypse $155,442,489
4. Ghostbusters $126,249,627
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows $82,035,823
6. Warcraft $47,225,655
7. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising $55,340,730
8. Pete's Dragon $64,222,939
9. Central Intelligence $127,426,401
10. Ice Age: Collision Course $62,631,030

This was over as soon as Adam Robot didn't select Finding Dory with his first pick.

Previously on Adam Riff™:
Q: Rank the following 2016 film adaptations of video games by projected final domestic box office, from largest to smallest: Ratchet and Clank, Angry Birds, Warcraft, Assassin's Creed.

As of Labour Day:

$$$ The Angry Birds Movie $107,483,144
$$ Warcraft $47,225,655
$ Ratchet and Clank $8,821,329

So depending on how Assassin's Creed performs, I win, Russell wins, or we all lose.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

36. First Line, Every Line (The Late Late Show with James Corden, 08-29-16)

Stray Observations

  • "We've got more on the kid." (The Night Of, S01E08)
  • The judge is the Yellow King (The Night Of, S01E08)
  • "So chin up, finish this trial, and then clear out your fuckin' desk." (The Night Of, S01E08)

(The Night Of, S01E08)

  • "Everyone's got a cross to bear. Fuck 'em all. Live your life." (The Night Of, S01E08)
  • The Night Of Season Grade: B
  • Myles Jack (Ballers, S01E07)
  • ♫: Mac Dre (Ballers, S01E07)
  • "Hayden? That recycling cunt? He wears clothes from Structure." (Vice Principals, S01E07)
  • "For your information, I got this at Nordstrom. I didn't fuck any zebras."
    "Pshh. Nordstrom Rack…"
    "No, real Nordstrom!" (Vice Principals, S01E07)
  • ♫: Public Image Ltd – "The Order of Death" (Mr. Robot, S02E09)
  • "My man Paul Reiser, he just doesn't get the credit he deserves. Man is spectacular, phenomenal." (Mr. Robot, S02E09)
  • "Young Thug at Sufjan Stevens' broth restaurant." (You're the Worst, S03E01)
  • "Crepes are just pancakes for assholes." (You're the Worst, S03E01)
  • "I deserve to be blown before the jacuzzi." (You're the Worst, S03E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Eric Andre Show


Looking ahead:

Medieval Times


King Arthur: Legend of the Sword is an upcoming 2017 drama directed by Guy Ritchie. It is the first installment of a planned six film series.

Charlie Hunnam said that he closely observed Conor McGregor to incorporate his fighting style and his physique into his portrayal of a young "street" version of Arthur.


Liam Garrigan, who plays King Arthur on ABC's Once Upon a Time, is in talks to play the same character in Paramount's Transformers: The Last Knight.

Michael Bay returns to direct the blockbuster sequel, which ties into Arthurian legend. Santiago Cabrera will co-star as Merlin.


Fox is looking to put a new spin on King Arthur.

Camelot reimagines the legendary stories of King Arthur in a police procedural.

When an ancient magic reawakens in modern-day Manhattan, a graffiti artist named Art must team with his best friend Lance and his ex, Gwen — an idealistic cop — in order to realize his destiny and fight back against the evil forces that threaten the city.


The Aristocrats!

Akiva Goldsman produced King Arthur: Legend of the Sword and headed the writers room that conceived Transformers: The Last Knight.