Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

5. Naughty and Nice (Man Seeking Woman, S02E04)

Stray Observations

  • "It's a social media world out there, kids. It really is. You've got to trend. You've got to post. It's all about the hashtag. Groupon." (Grandfathered, S01E13)
  • "Don't pfff my peril!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E13)
  • "You found me – drinking seltzer in the shadows." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E13)
  • "I don't want to overstay my welcome if that's gonna stress you out."
    "It will, especially with…Mercury…in…retrograde." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E13)
  • Grieco Charlie (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E04)
  • Warhol Frank (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E04)
  • "I want to feel a little bit of sadness coming from your tits." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E04)
  • "I need a seaweed break." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E04)
  • "Santa Claus is coming to town." (Man Seeking Woman, S02E04)
  • "We all can't be florists or dishwashers. Some of us have to be artists." (Baskets, S01E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


Knickerbocker Glory

Previously on Adam Riff™ (July 2015):
In less than a year, I have moved someone else from New York City to San Francisco, and then from San Francisco to Los Angeles, packing and unpacking all of his stuff by myself.

While in Iowa, my boss decided to move again, this time into the penthouse of his current building.

Boss Pepe: Jon, you moving me will be your birthday gift to me.


My work staged a film festival this past weekend in Iowa, timed around the caucuses next week.

I spent the bulk of it changing plane tickets for panelists because of stupid Winter Storm Jonas.

"Current hold time is more than two hours."

Demián Bichir and Chris Weitz somehow agreed to be panelists. The former plays Señor Bob in The Hateful Eight. The latter wrote the screenplay for Star Wars: Rogue One.

I was tasked with picking up Demián from the airport.

[checks arrivals monitor] Shit. His flight arrived early.

I try calling him. No answer.

I scan the baggage claim area and spot him chilling alone on airport seating, casually eating an airport market crudité.

He was wearing black skinny jeans.

Another panelist was Maeve Higgins, an Irish comedian whom I had never heard of.

I knew that she flew in from San Francisco, but learned while chatting with her that she was in San Francisco for StarTalk Live at Sketchfest…because she co-hosts StarTalk with Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

How did we book these people?!

Arturo Castro – Jaimé on Broad City – participated in our final panel.

The night before his arrival, I had to rebook his travel completely because his seats were not in first class.

Co-worker Marin: It's not him. It's his management. He just acted in an Ang Lee film… The optics.

Fast forward 24 hours to Saturday night.

The second leg of his flight to New York City on Sunday morning is cancelled. Delta rebooks him on a direct flight arriving on Monday at 11:30, but he has an important meeting on Monday morning that he cannot miss.

I scramble to find a way to get him to New York City by Sunday night.

Okay! Des Moines to Boston via Minneapolis, and then Boston to LaGuardia, with an Acela ticket from Back Bay to Penn Station as a back-up.

The only problem: First class seats are sold out on the flight from Minneapolis to Boston. The best I can do is an aisle seat in coach.

Co-worker Marin: That's fine. He'll understand. He's a chill dude.

Arturo: [while glowering] I have to be in first class on that flight! I have to! It's the longer one!

I kept waiting for him to go, "Nah, I'm just fucking with you," but he never did.

Jeez. It's just two hours and 40 minutes… [grumbles] Back to the drawing board.

[mobile rings]

Guh. Who is calling me at this hour?!

"Hello! This is a callback from American Airlines for…Jonathan Yu."

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

4. Baskets Career College (Baskets, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

  • Tina singing basic Spanish (Bob's Burgers, S06E06)
  • Charlie sex (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E03)
  • Drive-through (Baskets, S01E01)

Stray Observations

(Shameless, S06E02)

(Grandfathered, S01E12)

(Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E12)

  • "Kase!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E12)
  • Richard Schiff (The Grinder, S01E11)
  • "Seems like you all have a pretty full cast as it is. Maybe you need a funny black guy and a chubby guy with a beard." (The Grinder, S01E11)
  • Meta "To Be Continued" (The Grinder, S01E11)
  • "This is made from the exact same material as a cocaine straw." (Black-ish, S02E13)
  • "Party Mountain" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E03)
    "I DIDN'T CUM IN YOUR BURRITO! I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E03)
  • "You know what? If you guys are already hard, just go ahead of me, and I'll just circle back." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E03)
  • "French horn?" (Baskets, S01E01)
  • "Why don't you work at the roast beef sandwich shop?"
    "Because the Arby's doesn't hire clowns. I've told you this." (Baskets, S01E01)
  • "This is from France, and they make scooters better, so I want this one back."
    "All due respect to your scooter, we actually make some pretty good ones here in America."
    "What are you, Lee Greenwood?" (Baskets, S01E01)
  • RT: You'll see a lot of Kirkland products in @BasketsFX by design. It was the simplest brand to clear & Costco got on board easily. (Baskets, S01E01)
  • Chip and Dale (Baskets, S01E01)
  • "Now to sing the National Anthem, from the OJ trial, Kato Kaelin." (Baskets, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2015

It was the year of the single-take, or apparent single-take, fight scene.

10. Banana/Bullets/Abdomen/Testicles (Singham 123)

9. Gene vs. The Falcon (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp)

8. "Hοllywood" Dοnnie Jοhnsοn vs. Leο "The Liοn" Spοrinο (Crεεd)
A single take.

7. Sunny vs. The Widow (Into the Badlands)

6. Glαss vs. Fitzgerαld (Τhe Reνenαnt)
Mostly a single take.

5. Hallway (Daredevil)
An apparent single take.

4. Church (Κingsmαn: Τhe Secret Serνice)
Apparent single takes.

3. Auto Shop (Vengeance of an Assassin)

2. Kit and Chai vs. Ko (SΡL 2: Α Τime for Consequences)
This film also features a single-take prison riot/fight scene.

1. Nola vs. Burton (Banshee)
Partly an apparent single take.

see also:

If You're Reading This

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I am chuffed to present Mad Mix, a croquembouche of audio things 2015.

And if you're not down with that, I've got two words for you: Ben's mix.

alternate streak/download link

As Ben's mix is one seamless file, here is a road map:

Carly Rae Jepsen – Run Away With Me
Robin Schulz – Sugar (feat. Francesco Yates)
Jeremih – Tonight Belongs To U!
Father – Wrist (feat. ILoveMakkonnen and Key!)
Demi Lovato – Cool For The Summer (Todd Terry Remix)
Disciples – They Don't Know (Cutdown)
Sons Of Maria – With You (Me & My Toothbrush Remix)
Calvin Harris – Pray To God (feat. HAIM) [Mike Pickering Hacienda Remix]
Ty Dolla $ign – Blasé (feat. Future and Rae Sremmurd)
The Chainsmokers – Let You Go (feat. Great Good Fine Ok)
Passion Pit – Lifted Up (1985)
Martin Solveig and GTA – Intoxicated
Years & Years – King (DJ Amice Remix)
LunchMoney Lewis – Ain't Too Cool
Kendrick Lamar – King Kunta (Ken Walker Remix)
Outasight – The Wild Life
Saint Motel – My Type
Coleman Hell – 2 Heads
The Chemical Brothers – Go
Clairity – Velcro
Powers – Loved By You
The Weeknd – Can't Feel My Face
Justin Bieber – Sorry
Zara Larsson – Lush Life
Lil Dicky – $ave Dat Money (feat. Fetty Wap and Rich Homie Quan)
Major Lazer x DJ Snake – Lean On (feat. MØ)
Major Lazer and MOTi – Boom (feat. Ty Dolla $ign, Wizkid, and Kranium)
Hayden James – Something About You (ODESZA Remix)
Selena Gomez – Same Old Love (Wuki Remix)
The Chainsmokers – Roses (feat. ROZES)
Sigala – Easy Love
Night Safari – Daylight To Midnight (feat. James Newman)
Cheat Codes – Visions (Boehm Remix)
Duke Dumont – Ocean Drive (Michael Calfan Remix)
Katy Tiz – Whistle (While You Work It) [Morlando Remix]
Calvin Harris and Disciples – How Deep Is Your Love (Joe Maz 2AM Remix)
Fetty Wap – Trap Queen
Taylor Swift – Bad Blood (feat. Kendrick Lamar)
MNEK and Zara Larsson – Never Forget You
Big Grams – Drum Machine (feat. Skrillex)
The Weeknd – The Hills (RL Grime Remix)
Brandon Flowers – I Can Change

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Our favourite songs. One per year.

Side B (curated by Ben)
1. Outkast – "B.O.B." [2000]
2. Gob – "I Hear You Calling" [2001]
3. Justin Timberlake – "Cry Me a River" [2002]
4. The White Stripes – "Seven Nation Army"
5. Franz Ferdinand – "Take Me Out"
6. R. Kelly – "Trapped in the Closet"
7. TV on the Radio – "Wolf Like Me"
8. UGK feat. Outkast – "Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You)"
9. MGMT – "Time to Pretend"
10. Passion Pit – "The Reeling"
11. LCD Soundsystem – "Dance Yrself Clean"
12. M83 – "Midnight City"
13. Bruno Mars – "Locked Out of Heaven"
14. Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams – "Get Lucky" [2013]
15. Duke Dumont feat. Jax Jones – "I Got You" [2014]
16. Major Lazer x DJ Snake feat. MØ – "Lean On" [2015]

Ben: Hate him or love him (and I love him), Diplo's become one of the most famous names in dance music and this record only seems like the beginning of something even bigger.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

3. Tiffany mistakenly thinks David Gest is dead (Celebrity Big Brother, 01-12-16)

Context: Tiffany "New York" Pollard of VH1 fame is on Celebrity Big Brother in the United Kingdom, along with Angela Bowie, David Bowie's ex-wife, and David Gest, Liza Minelli's ex-husband.

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

(Shameless, S06E01)

  • "All women beg for more Yanis." (Shameless, S06E01)
  • Carl calling Liam "my nigga" (Shameless, S06E01)
  • Bob Saget (Grandfathered, S01E11)
  • "So where'd you meet him?"
    "On one of those online dating sites – Ratch." (Black-ish, S02E12)
  • "I haven't had the best luck meeting girls."
    "It could be because you call yourself 'The Fortress of Solid Dude.'" (Black-ish, S02E12)
  • ♫: "Gone Till November" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E02)
  • "You are a wrinkled bitch!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E02)
  • "No one in the history of crack has ever woken up in the morning with more crack." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E02)
  • "People in the welfare store are in a pinch." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E02)
  • "Look, they're gonna get two football teams down in Carson." (American Horror Story, S05E12)
  • Sally trades her twinned addictions of heroin and misery for social media (American Horror Story, S05E12)
  • "I was a salesman in another life. In this one, I'm the mother of style. Cut me and I bleed Dior." (American Horror Story, S05E12)
  • Billie from Murder House (American Horror Story, S05E12)
  • ♫: Marianne Faithfull – "The Ballad of Lucy Jordan" (American Horror Story, S05E12)
  • American Horror Story Season Grade: C
  • "You make an old condom smile." (Man Seeking Woman, S02E02)
  • We get it. You invested in Uber (Shark Tank, S07E14)
  • Adam Driver as Aladdin (Saturday Night Live, S41E10)
  • "Look at me, I'm Ray Donovan!" (Saturday Night Live, S41E10)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You



It's that belated time of year again.

I am chuffed to present Mad Mix, a croquembouche of audio things 2015.

Thanks to Jon Wilcox and Adam Robot for the artwork, and to Adrian, Matt, Drew, Mike, and Russell for consulting.


As a third of the mix is unavailable on Spotify, I have to host a stream myself. Please pardon any lag – or download the mix.

my 70mm roadshow

alternate download link


Tony Primo and Nixxie is Joseph Mount (Metronomy) and Robyn.

Evangelist is Gavin Clark and members of UNKLE.

Jeff Rosenstock first appeared on 2005's Dreidel 2 the Grave, and then on 2006's Don't Need an Annual Year-End Mix Because This Shit Is Timeless and 2011's This One Goes to '11. It seems he is my musical constant.

Other returnees: Silicon Valley ('14), Chance the Rapper ('13), The Mountain Goats ('06, '08), Vince Staples ('14), Gavin Clark ('07), South Park ('05), and Miguel ('12).

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Our favourite songs. One per year.

Side A (curated by Jon)
1. Radiohead – "The National Anthem" [2000]
2. Finch – "What It Is to Burn (Demo)" [2001]
3. Spoon – "Stay Don't Go" [2002]
4. The Mars Volta – "Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt"
5. Ratatat – "Seventeen Years"
6. The Mountain Goats – "This Year"
7. DragonForce – "Through the Fire and Flames"
8. Frank Turner – "The Real Damage"
9. The Wonder Years – "You're Not Salinger. Get Over It."
10. So Many Dynamos – "New Bones"
11. Jamie Lidell – "Your Sweet Boom"
12. M83 – "Midnight City"
13. Jai Paul – "Jasmine (Demo)"
14. CHVRCHES – "The Mother We Share" [2013]
15. CFO$ – "Worlds Apart" [2014]
16. Oneohtrix Point Never – "No Good" [2015] – as heard on Mad Mix

When I listen to it, I feel the totality of my life.

Kaneda! What do you see?

I need to experience it live, and want it played as I'm cremated. Have fire kick in at 1:30.

Breathe in deep and debride your life

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I am chuffed to present Backwash, a podcast by Adam Robot and I.

Episode 6:

1. White Dudes Wearing Shorts in Cold Weather / "Same Old Love" / Vampire Selfies / Gift Cards
2. Virtual Reality / Auto Shows
3. Fuller House / MADtv's 20th Anniversary Reunion / Guns N' Roses
4. Jon's Ideas
5. What Horrible Things Did We Do to Our Penises Last Year?

I got a new mic, so the sound quality is better.

Oh and Backwash is also available in the iTunes store now!

Expanding on an idea I share in the above podcast…

Idea: One day, all of the guns in the world mysteriously vanish. How do gun owners react, particularly when they realize that everyone's guns vanished?

Law enforcement, gangsters, and terrorists can bluff for only so long.

While hunting lions in a remote location, a poacher's guns disappear, and his mobile cannot pick up a signal.

Two high school students plan to shoot up their school and then commit suicide, but on the day of their planned shooting, they cannot find the guns they planned to use.

Murder weapons in active cases go missing.

Crossbow sales skyrocket. Bombings increase.

As soon as a gun maker finishes making a gun, it vanishes. No new guns.

Television Show Idea: The Wirer. Namond Brice is now a Baltimore detective. He joins a detail investigating Michael Lee's drug-dealing organization. Dukie is an informant for Namond's team.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

2. Accents (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Vince McMahon is 70 years old and can still do nightmarish things with his pectoral muscles (WWE Raw, 01-04-16)
  • Dr. Phil playing a doctor (Grandfathered, S01E10)
  • "Please don't dump my sperm on us!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E11)
  • "Grow up."
    "Grow up? I have a Roth IRA. I eat wheat toast! You grow up!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E11)
  • "In 4000 feet, stay straight."
    "You interrupted the song for that?!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S03E11)
  • "It could be very difficult to make a good impression when you suffer from bad necktie behaviours, such as… 'The Peeping Tom.'" [cut to Kevin's tie] (Shark Tank, S07E12)
  • The title of this episode is "The Olyphant in the Room" (The Grinder, S01E10)
  • The part in Junior's hair gotta go (Black-ish, S02E11)
  • The part in Junior's hair disappeared mid-episode (Black-ish, S02E11)
  • Queenie from Coven (American Horror Story, S05E11)
  • "It's my vacation, bitch!" (American Horror Story, S05E11)
  • "Kill me, but screw me first." (American Horror Story, S05E11)
  • "Who do you buy it from?"
    "Frooom Sysco…" (Restaurant Startup, S03E01)
  • The running gag of the gang recording over the same VHS tape (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E01)
  • "We're like Moby. Reeeeeemix!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E01)
  • Frank's flag (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E01)
  • "We're mainlining wine. It's not beer. We switched Level 2 to wine because you can't mainline beer because it's got bubbles in it and shit." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E01)
  • "Shits and Ladders: Each member must take a laxative and get on a ladder. The one who can hold it in the longest wins. Also known as 'Chutes and Splatters.'" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S11E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


Ixnay on the Hombre

W. Kamau Bell's upcoming CNN series United Shades of America looks interesting.

In [the] series premiere, he uses humor to challenge Klansmen looking to rebrand their message. [source]

Shades of TV Nation.

Bill Burr on WTF with Marc Maron:

You never throw anything out. Everything you've ever owned exists someplace on this planet, unless it was biodegradable. It's out there – your rollerblades, everything that you stopped using.

You know how at the end of Big Fish, all of the characters in Edward's stories show up at his funeral?

Idea: A variation on Big Fish in which the estranged son ends up in the Great Pacific garbage patch at the end and sees stuff from all of his father's fanciful stories floating in the water.

His father lives in Hawaii, is dying, and wants to go on one last boat trip. He reluctantly accompanies his father on the boat trip. They get lost at sea. His father dies. The boat drifts into the Great Pacific garbage patch.

Bespoke Tranche Opportunity

British docu-television titles are the best.

In the labourer communities of Lahore, the concept of gayness hardly existed: instead it was MSM – men sleeping with men – not because of sexual preference, but because they couldn't afford women prostitutes.

Surely women who aren't prostitutes exist…?

Another One

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I am chuffed to present Backwash, a podcast by Adam Robot and I.

Episode 5:

1. Star Wars: The Force Awakens
2. Our Top 10 Television Programmes of 2015

We recorded this before I posted my live-thog of The Force Awakens, so I repeat stuff that you may have read. Also, our top 10 discussion illuminates why I don't really critique stuff.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

So begins my SEVENTH year of doing this.

1. Las Cucarachas (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S01E10)

Stray Observations

  • Fat Mycroft (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • Victorian mind palace (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • "Controlled usage is not usually fatal, and abstinence is not immortality." (Sherlock, S04E01)
  • Sherlock Season Grade: C
  • Ash vs. Evil Dead Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


I Feel So

Jon: My New Year's resolution is to read more books. Any recommendations?


Poet Anderson…Of Nightmares follows the epic journey of two orphan brothers, Jonas and Alan, who are Lucid Dreamers. After a tragic car accident lands Alan in a coma, Jonas sets out into the Dream World in an attempt to find his brother and wake him up. What he discovers instead is an entire shared consciousness where fear comes to life as a snarling beast called a Night Terror, and a creature named REM is bent on destruction and misery, devouring the souls of the strongest dreamers to get closer to the Waking World. With the help of a Dream Walker—a guardian of the dreamscape, Jonas must face his fears, save his brother, and become who he was always meant to be: Poet Anderson.


There are two more books coming in this trilogy?
With Poet Anderson, there's a trilogy of novels. The first one hits shelves in just a few days. And then there will be two more books that follow. There's going to be more animation, there's going to be more graphic novels, there's going to be more short films, there's going to be major motion pictures.

Are there any other projects you have going that you haven't mentioned?
Oh yeah, I have four. I'll say this. I'm in Colorado Springs right now, having meetings with officers from U.S. Air Force Space Command about my next franchise that I'm launching.

The witnesses are legion, scattered across the world and dotted through history, people who looked up and saw something impossible lighting up the night sky.

From the waning days of the 20th century's final great war to the fraught fields of Afghanistan to the otherworldly secrets hidden amid Nevada's dusty neverlands—the truth that is out there will propel a soldier, a socialite, a pilot, and a prisoner into a labyrinth of otherworldly technology and the competing aims of those who might seek to prevent—or harness—these beings of unfathomable power. Because, as it turns out, we are not the only ones who can invent and build…and destroy.

Featuring actual events and other truths drawn from sources within the military and intelligence community. [source]

Strange Times: The Curse of Superstition Mountain Don't F**king Die serves as a prelude to the full length Strange Times novel written by Tom DeLonge slated for Summer 2016.

Idea: A Tom DeLonge book club.

Who are some authors you'd like to work with that you haven't gotten to work with yet?
There's an author out there, a researcher, that writes about his analysis of space programs, world finance geopolitics. His name is Joseph Farrell, and I've been wanting to write with him for a long time.