Jon: Is it "coffee in the morning" or "fucking in the morning"?
Rory: Both. Miguel recorded two versions of the song.
Jon: Which one is canon, though? Is "coffee" a clean edit for "fucking"?
Fucking in the morning
I don't wanna wake you
I just wanna watch you sleep
It's the smell of your hair
Jon: The "fucking" version is kinda creepy.
Idea: A history of clean edits for "fuck."
Radiohead – "Creep" (1992)
You're so fucking special » You're so very special
Jay-Z – "Can I Get A…" (1998)
Can I get a "fuck you" » Can I get a "what what"
Nine Inch Nails – "Starfuckers, Inc." (2000)
Starfuckers Incorporated » Starsuckers Incorporated
Cee Lo – "Fuck You" (2010)
Fuck you and fuck her too » Forget you and forget her too
Tove Lo – "Talking Body" (2015)
If you love me right, we fuck for life » If you love me right, we love for life
Which is more disappointing: When an eatery only serves Pepsi products, or when an eatery only serves Boylan products?
Do hipster restaurants in Mexico only serve American Coca-Cola?
Ray's and Stark Bar in Los Angeles has a water menu.
Martin Riese, Water Sommelier, has curated a water selection that demonstrates the difference in taste between twenty-one different waters sourced from various regions of the world. Terroir affects water just like wine. Let us take you on a global journey of water.
There is a brand of water called "Beverly Hills 90H20."
39. Ariana Grande's Death (Scream Queens, S01E01)
"Kelly, bless you, my child." (This Is England '90, S01E02)
"The neck is the V." (Modern Family, S07E01)
Googling "California Selfie Conservancy" turns up nothing, but the field guide checks out. As for Data and Society…
Starring Rick Fox and Lolo Jones.
What is fun about that match-up?
The zombies are at least ninjas in this film.
Bears vs. Zombies (2016)
Ursidae or Ursigays? I hope it's both.
Former Chopped champions are pushed to their limits when they return to compete in an epic four-part tournament in CHOPPED: IMPOSSIBLE, premiering on Thursday, October 22nd at 8pm ET/PT.
Robert Irvine will command a seat on the judging panel.
Three competitors will power on to the Grand Finale, where one will win the chance to throw down in an impossibly daunting wild card round: against Chef Robert. [source]
Having exhausted ideas for themed episodes, Chopped adds a boss battle?
Isn't this just Beat Bobby Flay with more preliminary rounds?
Has Chopped done an episode with four wrestlers yet?
// TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA
This time in Toronto, I experienced mad déjà vu.
While waiting for my order at a burritoria cheekily decorated with framed photographs of donkeys, I saw pamphlets on my table for The Donkey Sanctuary of Canada.
"Please become a Guardian of the Donkey Sanctuary of Canada. […] Yes, I would like more information about the DSC's Sponsor a Donkey Plan."
Is this cheekiness too? I wondered.
The Sanctuary rescues the donkey with hooves so long it lives in constant pain and cannot walk. It saves a terrified mule shivering in a pen in a slaughterhouse. It offers a home to a much-loved donkey whose aging owners can no longer provide adequate care.
Of course it's in Guelph. Of course.
Why does Toronto have a logo?
The only other city with a logo I can think of is New York City.
This is an actual stage production.
Idea: A Con Air-themed donair restaurant.
Is it "donair" or "döner"?
organ döner – offal cooked on a vertical rotisserie
blood döner – blood sausage, vertically rotissed
bone marrow döner – extravagant street food
The toonie is the sexiest coin in North America.
I am back from Toronto, after an 18-hour-long journey on two hours of sleep in which:
» My flight from Toronto to Los Angeles was delayed (0800 to 0910)
» I was held back from passing through Customs in Toronto because my delayed flight wasn't scheduled to depart as soon as others (0845, 0900 vs. 0910)
» The airplane to Los Angeles circled Arizona for 20 minutes because LAX was slammed
» My connecting flight at LAX was cancelled
» The next flight out with an available seat was four hours later, delayed 15 minutes
» The next flight out with an available seat was cancelled
During my time in Toronto, $1.00 USD was ≈$1.30 CAD, so everything was ≈25% off to me, which got me thinking.
Vancouver, British Columbia is my favourite city on Earth. Why don't I live there while the exchange rate is so favourable? I can stay in Canada for 180 days without a visa.
But…winter is coming.
Also, mobile service.
I kinda want to travel up to Seattle in two weeks for my birthday.
38. At the Mercy of the Magic 8-Ball (Review, S02E08)
Computer-generated Los Angeles street sign (Fear the Walking Dead, S01E03)
Margaret (The League, S07E02)
Sorry, Comedy Bang! Bang!. 80 episodes is it for me.
// TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA
On my flight to Toronto, I sat beside a white man in his 30s, 40s who clearly just attended Burning Man.
A female Asian flight attendant hands him a declaration card.
Man: Can I get a pen?
XX Attendant: I'm sorry. You don't have a pen? I gave mine to someone already.
Man: But I paid $600 for my ticket.
XX Attendant: Erm… If you can wait a few minutes…
Man: I paid $600 for my ticket.
XX Attendant: Unfortunately, I can't carry around 300 pens.
Man: But I paid $600 for my ticket! What kind of service is this?
"You're sitting in a middle seat in economy class," I thought. "What kind of service do you expect? Also, $600 for a one-way middle seat in economy? Sucker!"
A white male flight attendant comes over.
XY Attendant: What's the issue?
XX Attendant: He wants a pe–
Man: [to XX Attendant] Go away. I can talk to him directly. [to XY Attendant] Can I get a pen? I paid $600 for my ticket.
XY Attendant: I'll get you a pen.
A bit later, the female Asian flight attendant returns.
XX Attendant: Did you get a pen, sir?
XX Attendant: Sir? Did you get a pen?
The man ignores her until she leaves.
My AirBNB is on the 57th floor of Canada's tallest residential building.
While squeezing in a nap before a midnight screening nearby, I periodically heard what sounded like crowd cheering outside. "Why is… From where? Or is it wind?" I wondered.
On my way to queue for the midnight screening, I passed uni students exclaiming, "I can't believe I saw Drake for free!"
Drake, Future, Miguel, and Zeds Dead for a frosh week concert – damn.
Seen and heard on the subway:
"I was a wardrobe buyer for Hannibal. After production on season three wrapped, my department held a clearance sale. [points at shoes] Prada, [points at sweater jacket] Burberry, Boss – all for $10, $5."
Adam Riff™ Karaoke Playlist – September 16, 2015
1. Our Lady Peace – "Superman's Dead"
2. Serial Joe – "Skidrow"
3. Drake – "Back to Back"
4. Bedouin Soundclash – "When the Night Feels My Song"
5. The Righteous Brothers – "Unchained Melody"
37. Seth Rollins wanders around backstage yelling STING GIVE ME BACK MY STATUE, Xavier Woods plays the Final Fantasy victory fanfare on the trombone, The New Day engages in a trombone vs. kazoo battle with Edge and Christian, Big E tries to eat a kazoo, The Dudley Boyz show up (WWE Raw, 09-07-15)
I have had two AirBNB reservations in Toronto fall through abruptly. Third time's the charm?
Today marks the 15th anniversary of Adam Riff™.
I wish I still had the time and energy to invest in this website that I had in my 20s, but even at 60, 70%, I can't quit it. I feel restless and hollow when I don't update.
So Adam Riff™ beats on, like Vanna White, a content relic, diminished but undeterred.
For Adam Riff™'s 10th anniversary, I distilled a decade of Adam Riff™ into 22 links.
For Adam Riff™'s 15th anniversary, let's add 11 more to the list.
05 Apr 02
"I gave The Rock a thumbs up."
10 Feb 03
"Yeah, I assaulted a bum."
20 May 03
"'Hey, um, I waited in line for Star Wars right next to you last year and I think it's pretty weird that it's mid-May again and we're both in Hollywood waiting in line for the same screening…again.'"
27 Jul 03
"—Let's go to Montreal, said Jord."
05 Apr 04
"Yes, I have a child."
17 Dec 04
Snowing Is Half the Battle
08 Apr 05
George Lucas' Sith City
18 May 05
Senator Palpatine's Lonely Darth Command
20 May 06
09 Feb 09
The Dark Chef
30 Apr 10
Size of Your Life
25 Jul 11
01 Aug 11
Fantasy MLB Commissioner
10 Nov 11
"Compton is Williamsburg."
19 Jul 12
04 Sep 12
"The centerpiece of the issue was gonna be a longread on my snoring, which I have decided to revive and serialize on Adam Riff™."
[Someday I will write parts 2 through 4.]
19 Mar 13
29 May 13
Let's cast an NHL coaches movie!
08 Oct 14
"And Renton is Compton."
24 Dec 14
Fight Scenes of the Year
26 May 15
The Best Pictures: 2000-2014
Previously on Adam Riff™:
I regret pacing myself drink-wise and only taking a sip of Drew's Narragansett Shandy.
beiler's bakery / tommy dinic's / la divisa meats / scratch biscuits / bing bing dim sum / green aisle grocery / weckerly's / abe fisher / american sardine bar / ocf coffee house / john's roast pork
// WASHINGTON, D.C.
Erin: Why are you going to Philadelphia?
Jon: Heh. I ate an apple fritter in Philadelphia last summer that… I have been craving this apple fritter ever since.
Erin: I feel you. I think about the doughnuts at Top Pot.
// READING TERMINAL MARKET
Apple Fritter (Beiler's Bakery)
Blueberry Fritter (Beiler's Bakery)
The fritters at Beiler's Bakery are, when warm, the best goddamn fritters in the world.
// SCRATCH BISCUITS
Oof. Save for a seductive salted molasses butter, the food here was dire – a dry ass biscuit, clumsy
jam housemade preserves (blackberries?), and this abomination:
Biscuit Tots (Scratch Biscuits)
mississippi comeback sauce
Imagine if a Magic Eraser mated with a falafel.
As I exited—
Young Black Female Employee: [smiling] How is everything?
Middle-Aged White Male Customer: The fries are terrible.
His bluntness took me aback.
Young Black Female Employee: I can uhh…I can refund you for the fries…
Drew: I just read that they began using a re-formulated biscuit recipe today.
Jon: Re-formulated with even less butter?
Jon: And I tried Travel Channel's "best sandwich in America."
Drew: DiNic's roast pork?
Jon: Yup. I think I should've ordered it with broccoli rabe and provolone?
Jon: If broccoli rabe and provolone are so vital to this sandwich, why sell them separately? [grumbling]
Jon: Can we visit the grocery of your friends on Food Network?
// GREEN AISLE GROCERY
In its freezer, I spotted an ice cream sandwich that I saw on Eater.
Blueberry the Pirate (Weckerly's)
blueberry ice cream on cardamom grahams
That the grahams were crunchy pleasantly surprised me.
// BING BING DIM SUM
From the owners of Cheu Noodle Bar, which I patronized last year.
Jon: "Everything Pac-Man Buns – Lox, furikake cream cheese, cucumber." That's an everything bagel with lox and cream cheese in bun form, right?
While I dig Ben and Shawn's creative takes on Asian food, they gotta season more aggressively. Their food at both restaurants tasted…not bland, but…tame.
Bing Bing Washroom
Jesse: This BBQ Pork Caterpillar Bread rules.
Jon: I thought it would be, like, pulled pork. Is char siu pork that foreign to Philadelphians that it has to be called "BBQ pork"?
// ABE FISHER
The kitchen kept sending out food, so I tried almost all of Abe's menu: Salmon Gravlax, Chopped Liver, Pickled Mackerel, Corned Pork Belly Reuben, Matzo Brei, Broccoli Kugel, Veal Schnitzel Tacos…
What stood out most were the beginning and end of our meal.
The beginning: Savoury rugelach served out of a cigar box.
And the end:
Bacon and Egg Cream (Abe Fisher)
maple custard, chocolate foam
Is there are more unappealing name for a treat than "egg cream"? I think of Cadbury Creme Eggs and shudder. An egg cream sounds like how a German chocolate cake looks.
That the chocolate part was fluffy and not thick was a relief, as was the judicious use of bacon, masked by chocolate cookie.
// AMERICAN SARDINE BAR
Bartender: I'm drinking one of these when I get off work.
With Narragansett Del's Shandys on my mind, I asked for a shandy, and the bartender whipped up a sensational one.
I will be craving his shandy for the next year.
// JOHN'S ROAST PORK
Lo, the best sandwich I tried at John's Roast Pork was its cheesesteak.
While eating both DiNic's and John's roast pork sandwiches, I wished I was eating porchetta sandwiches instead. I wanted more fat and a crunchy element.
Italian Roast Pork Bao (Bing Bing Dim Sum)
Idea: Porchetta Bao, or "porchetta-filled steamed bun" for Philadelphians.
Dry-Aged Ribeye Poutine (Abe Fisher)
Jesse raved about this, but alas, ordering it was unfeasible.
1. Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats – "S.O.B."
2. Harvey Danger – "Moral Centralia"
3. Otis Redding – "That's How Strong My Love Is"
4. David Bowie – "I'm Afraid of Americans"
5. The Righteous Brothers – "Unchained Melody"
Works about Steve Jobs have become something of an industry in the four years since his death. In 2017, there will be an opera. [source]
My working schedule for the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival:
I'm chuffed with this harvest. I'll probably skip a screening or two, though, to eat the city. I mean…
Whack Mac $8
white chocolate, brie, mozzarella, Doritos, sage mac and Kentucky ketchup
How can I not?
36. A Kingdom of Bullshit (Mr. Robot, S01E10)
RT: We shot in Times Square at 2 am the night before 4th of July
Stark family tree challenge (King of the Nerds [UK], S01E08)
Story Idea: One day, Jack cannot log in to HBO GO. Jack asks his mate whose log-in info he uses what happened, but his mate uses his father's log-in info, and his mate's father uses his mate's father's brother's log-in info… In his search for the origin of the HBO GO log-in info he uses, Jack uncovers a vast international conspiracy.
HBO Show Idea: Jack's search for the origin of the HBO GO log-in info he uses leads him into the world of a different HBO show each episode – Hamsterdam, King's Landing, Deadwood… Instead of watching HBO, he experiences it. Like a postmodern Doctor Who/Quantum Leap.
The world is a vampire.
Steven: i need cool 80s action stars
Steven: obscurer the better
Steven: my brother is getting married and his bachelor party theme is 80s action stars
Jon: sonny landham
Jon: michael dudikoff
Steven: a ninja costume would be easy to get
Jon: be vasquez in aliens
Steven: that's a really great one actually
Steven: what are you gonna be for halloween?
Jon: probably elliot alderson
Jon: easy, zeitgeist-y…
Jon: i wish i had time to invest in being mason verger or a war boy
Jon: maybe for thanksgiving
1. White Zombie – "More Human Than Human"
2. Bob Dylan – "Ballad of a Thin Man"
3. Groove Armada – "At the River"
4. New Found Glory – "It's Been a Summer"
5. The Righteous Brothers – "Unchained Melody"
Made in America Festival
Meek Mill (6:30-7:30 PM)
Modest Mouse (8:30-9:30 PM)
Beyoncé (10:30 PM)
Lulz at making the Beyhive endure Modest Mouse for a good spot.
The receptions for Meek Mill and Modest Mouse could both be disastrous.