Kill 'em all dead, bodies in the hallway

ESPN owns 11 bowl games, and Disney owns ESPN. Why doesn't Disney sponsor some of its bowls?

The Age of Ultron Bowl. The Tomorrowland Bowl.

World premiere footage throughout the telecast. Pimp your studio's films while boosting your network's ratings.

Shame that Star Wars: The Force Awakens opens a week before Christmas, and not on Christmas Day, as I'm curious how a Star Wars Christmas Day release would affect attendance for Christmas Eve/Day church services.

Hundreds of devotees congregate at midnight on Christmas Day to celebrate the emergence of something otherworldly a long time ago – Force or Mass?

Adam Riff™ Clips of the Year

To recap:

1. Unhung Hero
2. Enlisted
3. WWE Raw
4. The Midnight Beast
5. Bob's Burgers
6. New Girl
7. True Detective
8. Looking
9. Hannibal
10. Hannibal
11. Review
12. Rick and Morty
13. Portlandia
14. Portlandia
15. WWE Raw
16. Game of Thrones
17. Fargo
18. Hannibal
19. Vice
20. Hannibal
21. Hannibal
22. Mad Men
23. Silicon Valley
24. Veep
25. Game of Thrones
26. 24
27. Nathan For You
28. Nathan For You
29. Conan
30. Utopia [UK]
31. The Leftovers
32. The Strain
33. Utopia [UK]
34. Nathan For You
35. Wizard Wars
36. You're the Worst
37. Wizard Wars
38. The Bridge
39. The Knick
40. The Simpsons
41. Late Show with David Letterman
42. The Amazing Race
43. Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories
44. "Too Many Cooks"
45. South Park
46. Friends of the People
47. South Park
48. The Amazing Race
49. The Eric Andre Show
50. Black-ish
51. The Eric Andre Show

52. Perhaps the greatest college football play any of us have ever seen (Popeyes Bahamas Bowl, 12-24-14)

Stray Observations

  • "My wife made a lasagna." (Homeland, S04E12)
  • "Walter retired. It's now a Pain Quotidien." (Homeland, S04E12)
  • "We are the no men of no man's land." (Homeland, S04E12)
  • Homeland Season Grade: B-
  • "Rick here has the hands of a ballplayer and the face of an owner." (Friends of the People, S01E09)

(Mozart in the Jungle, S01E01)

  • "Philip Gla– I hate Philip Glass." (Mozart in the Jungle, S01E05)
  • "You know, I once did PR for Insane Clown Posse, but these people are fucking insane." (Mozart in the Jungle, S01E10)
  • Mozart in the Jungle Season Grade: C

Top Five Television Episodes of 2014
5. "The Endorsement" (Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories, S01E06)
4. "Souvenir Shop / E.L.A.I.F.F." (Nathan For You, S02E02)
3. "Dumb Starbucks" (Nathan For You, S02E05)
2. "Looking for the Future" (Looking, S01E05)
1. "Mizumono" (Hannibal, S02E13)

Top Ten Television Programmes of 2014
10. Fargo
9. Game of Thrones
8. Looking
7. Utopia [UK]
6. Veep
5. Shameless
4. Rick and Morty
3. The Eric Andre Show
2. Nathan For You
1. Hannibal

2013-14 Season Grades
Note: I did not grade a number of programmes whose seasons I only watched some or most of.

Hannibal: A

Nathan For You: A-
Rick and Morty: A-
Shameless: A-
Veep: A-

Game of Thrones: B+
Looking: B+
Sleepy Hollow: B+
Utopia [UK]: B+

24: B
The Americans: B
Babylon: B
Boardwalk Empire: B
The Bridge: B
Brooklyn Nine-Nine: B
Fargo: B
House of Cards: B
King of the Nerds: B
The Knick: B
Restaurant Startup: B
Shark Tank: B
Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories: B

American Horror Story: Coven: B-
Bob's Burgers: B-
Going Deep with David Rees: B-
Hello Ladies: The Movie: B-
Homeland: B-
The Leftovers: B-
Mad Men: B-
Orange Is the New Black: B-
Parks and Recreation: B-
Troy: B-
True Detective: B-

Banshee: C+
Black Mirror: White Christmas: C+
Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule: C+
Chozen: C+
Comedy Bang! Bang!: C+
Community: C+
Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey: C+
Enlisted: C+
Getting On: C+
Girls: C+
Halt and Catch Fire: C+
Happy Valley: C+
The Honourable Woman: C+
In the Flesh: C+
Justified: C+
Loiter Squad: C+
Louie: C+
Masters of Sex: C+
Matador: C+
Orphan Black: C+
Penny Dreadful: C+
Portlandia: C+
Prey: C+
Rectify: C+
Review: C+
Silicon Valley: C+
South Park: C+
The Strain: C+
Trailer Park Boys: C+
Transparent: C+
Vice: C+
Wizard Wars: C+
Workaholics: C+

The Amazing Race 25: C
Archer: C
Bates Motel: C
Black Jesus: C
Face Off 6: C
Face Off 7: C
MasterChef: C
MasterChef Canada: C
MasterChef Junior: C
Modern Family: C
Mozart in the Jungle: C
Mr. Pickles: C
Saturday Night Live: C
The Taste: C
The Taste UK: C
Top Chef: New Orleans: C
Top Chef Canada: C
The Walking Dead: C

Bad Education: C-
The Driver: C-
Friday Night Dinner: C-
The League: C-
Key and Peele: C-
New Girl: C-
Peaky Blinders: C-
Sons of Anarchy: C-
The Trip to Italy: C-
Wilfred: C-

Broad City: D+
From Dusk Till Dawn: D+

The Amazing Race 24: D

So 97 + Friends of the People, which ends on Tuesday.


The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2014

'Tis some fights before Christmas to watch in your house.

10. Wallace vs. Howard Howe (Tusk)
Kevin Smith [director] — All right, so here's the third act. He then goes and puts on his suit, you know, made of human skins, and so you realize he's done this before. So he's in it, you're in yours, and you guys have to have one of them walrus fights, like on the beach, where you slam each other.

9. Edwards vs. Bar Patron (The Knick)
Shot in part with a rig on Andre Holland's back.

8. May vs. May (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)
Dat head smash!

7. Go Geon-soo vs. Park Chang-min (A Hard Day)
No one does visceral brutality like Koreans.

6. Schmidt vs. Mercedes (22 Jump Street)
Lord and Miller [directors] — The scene was supposed to be them having a big, knock-out fist fight. And then, it's like weird and scary in a movie to see a man hit a woman, and could a woman provoke a man enough to where it might not seem so weird. After a couple of takes, their chemistry was so strong, we just said, well, what if you tried to kiss him? What you see in the movie is basically what happened after we said that. They improvised this whole, crazy kiss fight.

5. The Mountain vs. The Viper (Game of Thrones)
The best fight ending of 2014.

4. K-29 vs. Crazy Monkey (The Wrath of Vajra)
Crazy Monkey is played by famed Korean street dancer Poppin' Hyun Joon. A lot of this fight looks like wire work, but most of it was done in camera – no tricks.

3. Jack Crawford vs. Hannibal Lecter (Hannibal)
Bryan Fuller [showrunner] — After we finished the fight sequence with Hannibal and Tobias Budge, Laurence Fishburne came up to me and said, "You know, I trained like crazy for all the fight sequences in the Matrix movies. I'm pretty good at those too." So we honoured that request.

2. Ha Hou-mou vs. Fung Yu-sau (Kung Fu Jungle)
Smash Bros. x Toad's Turnpike.

1. Rama vs. The Assassin (The Raid 2)
While the ending of Whiplash is the most thrilling bit of film I saw this year, the second half of this fight – after The Assassin busts out his karambits – is 1A.

see also:

Black Me Out

What has two thumbs and was retweeted by Ryan Phillippe and Bow Wow this past weekend?

Juliette Lewis favourited the Phillippe tweet.

I tried playing New Super Mario Bros Wii with B's seven-year-old daughter, but she struggled to use a d-pad, and it hit me that she grew up with touchscreens and motion control.

Idea: Fitbit, but for cursing. Track your profanity usage.

Songs containing car horns (e.g. "i" by Kendrick Lamar) should be banned from radio play. It's discombobulating when you're driving.

My brother only drinks sparkling water now.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

51. Society's Lies (The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)

Stray Observations

  • The complete No-No List (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Hey. No nose hair trimming."
    "Well, I hope you like nostril bush." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Is it something you can hear Garfield saying? If so, it's glib." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "My keeping things light and being Garfieldian is the only reason we don't fight." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "Charles Boyle calls people 'baby' when he gets angry." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • Brassiere in a paper bag (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E11)
  • "I like your hair. It matches your teeth." (Bob's Burgers, S05E07)
  • "You don't screw with a tri-delt." (Getting On, S02E06)
  • Getting On Season Grade: C+
  • MasterChef Junior Season Grade: C

(Black Mirror: White Christmas)

  • Black Mirror: White Christmas Grade: C+
  • Asylum! (American Horror Story, S04E10)
  • "You know what I see when I look at you spewing your shit? A dinosaur, roaring at monkeys sailing by, on bikes, with iPads." (Babylon, S01E06)
  • All the Emmys for Bertie Carvel (Babylon, S01E06)
  • The timing of this show… (Babylon, S01E06)
  • Babylon Season Grade: B
  • An Annotated List of Every Single Person Who Sang in the Colbert Finale (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)
  • Vaping Lincoln (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)
  • "I'm getting angry at liberals." (The Colbert Report, 12-18-14)

(The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)

  • "Life begins when Ryan Phillippe is horny and ladies be ovulating." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E07)
  • The Amazing Race: Blind Dates? (The Amazing Race, S25E12)
  • The Amazing Race Season Grade: C
  • "Really?"
    "With Seth and Amy." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E20)
  • Comedy Bang! Bang! Season Grade: C+
  • Toby Keith and Tim Meadows on both Colbert and Ferguson's finales (The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12-19-14)


Tell 'em we don't die, we multiply

I asked B's seven-year-old daughter what she wants for Christmas.

—Dinner at Gary Danko.


—You're too young to eat there.
—Noo, I ate at Plumed Horse…

—You bring your children to Michelin-starred restaurants?

At supermarkets in my area, you can buy pre-packed bags of non-perishable goods to drop in donation bins. It's perverse altruism, like corporations buying carbon offsets.


"California Lottery Scratchers make the perfect holiday gift."

But what if the scratchers you give don't yield any money?

Are there special holiday scratchers where everyone is a winner? And if so, most prizes can't possibly be very much – medium fries, maybe a breakfast sandwich.

Simply go to your nearest Lottery retailer, pick up a Golden Greeting envelope along with your Lottery gift purchase… [source]

Just regular scratchers. Trick or treat.

B: You're giving fun. The gift is fun. Winning money is a bonus.
Jon: Fun…

Jon: Would you rather receive scratchers, or a word search and some cash?

If I give my story to the world, I wonder if they'd book me for a show

A dark reimagining of the Willy Wonka story beginning in World War II and culminating with his takeover of the chocolate factory.

The Black List is an annual survey of Hollywood's "most liked" unproduced screenplays.

An inside look at the marriage, career, and mental state of 2010's Sexiest Man Alive.

1000 Deaths

I hear nothing but terrible things about office holiday parties, but just once in my life, I would like to attend one.

My current job, the staff is scattered around the country.

Before this job, long-term unemployment.

Before that, I temped at the headquarters of a chain steakhouse, handling seasonal gift card sales. As a temp, I was not invited to the office holiday party. Instead, I ate at Chipotle and saw The King's Speech.

Before that, I worked in a gadget manufacturer's American satellite office. During my tenure, my boss never employed more than three people at once and understandably did not bother with office holiday parties.

Before that, more long-term unemployment.

And before that, office holiday parties for my job in college always conflicted with class. One year, I created foamcore decorations for the party, which I was told were a hit.

Livestrong bracelet, heh.

So yeah. Someday my office holiday party will come.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

50. Black people can't be racist (Black-ish, S01E10)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Presents is like old people third base."
    "No, that's rubbing butts together." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E10)
  • "Caesar salad with tater tots instead of croutons." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E10)
  • "Who's your favourite president?"
    "Bill Pullman." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "Christmas magic is wine?"
    "It's whatever you want it to be. It can be snow, or Santa, or beer, or gin, or rum, or schnapps." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I thought this was a disco."
    "That's Wednesdays. Thursdays, we watch Scandal." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I'm here every Friday night. And Thursdays. I love Scandal." (Bob's Burgers, S05E06)
  • "I want your big hairy nuts." (Getting On, S02E05)
  • Matt Berry cuts off Josh Homme's nose (Toast of London, S02E06)
  • "I'm going back home to Long Island, the birthplace of the female crew cut." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "It's Christmas."
    "Oh, I didn't know that. I thought they just did a black version of Annie for no reason." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "Hey, let's wait in the first class lounge, like the other HBO Go subscribers." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • Pervert Santa is Mr. Belding?! (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "It was worse than the last season of Scrubs. A teaching hospital? Come on." (New Girl, S04E11)
  • "I'm-a cut you and Michael Cera's baby!" (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • "Calling all the fighting spirits of every black martial artist in the universe: Jar Jar Binks, Wendy Williams, Panthro from the ThunderCats." (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • "Ron Artest?"
    "Hey, fool, my name is Tiny Lister." (Friends of the People, S01E07)
  • A doll warehouse? (Sons of Anarchy, S07E13)
  • Vic Mackey, heh (Sons of Anarchy, S07E13)
  • Sons of Anarchy Season Grade: C-
  • It's car product placement week on Fox-produced sitcoms (Modern Family, S06E10)
  • "Santa was the first white man I ever loved." (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "The White House was just that – white – until one man broke through and gave my people hope – Dennis Haysbert in 24." (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "Mexican female Santa?! No! Too far from the box! Get closer! Closer to the box!" (Black-ish, S01E10)
  • "Goddamn it, I was so close to a nut." (American Horror Story, S04E09)
  • Dandy channeling Yeezus (American Horror Story, S04E09)
  • T-2Pac (South Park, S18E10)

Iggy Azalea (South Park, S18E10)

  • "I am trending into something more than human. I am becoming…trendsgender" – best callback (South Park, S18E10)
  • South Park Season Grade: C+
  • Key and Peele Season Grade: C-
  • Death, taxes, Nigella's team being eliminated first (The Taste, S03E02)
  • "Hey, when you take a wiz, do you get a sense of khalifa?" (The Eric Andre Show, S03E06)
  • "311 never happened." (The Eric Andre Show, S03E06)
  • "1 877 kars for kids." (Saturday Night Live, S40E09)
  • "It's rows and rows of little Filipino ladies." (Saturday Night Live, S40E09)
  • "Someone just mistook her for Mila Kunis."
    "Yes, you do look like Mila! Doesn't she? Yes, yes. And you look like someone famous as well."
    "Yeah. Who is it?"
    "I know who it is."
    "It's a movie star, isn't it?"
    "Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It's Jude Law." (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • Allison Tolman! (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • "Don't get hung up on any one woman. Not worth it. You know what pussy is spelled backwards? Wise up." (Hello Ladies: The Movie)
  • Hello Ladies: The Movie Grade: B-

(Homeland, S04E06)

  • "You point your finger at Islam, but if Christianity is to be judged by the misery it has caused mankind, who would ever be a Christian?"
    "I'm a Jew." (Homeland, S04E07)
  • "Afghanistan."
    "The graveyard of empires." (Homeland, S04E07)
  • "I am authorized to kill U.S. citizens on the battlefield, you motherfucker. Don't think I can't do whatever is required. Don't think that I won't." (Homeland, S04E09)


Should I ask him if he liked DJANGO?

Rory: The National League is the Big 12 – everyone plays everyone. The American League is the SEC – everyone plays eight instead of nine conference games for a competitive advantage. DHs = FCS teams.

Jon: What happens next year when the Rose Bowl isn't hosting a College Football Playoff semifinal? Does ESPN counterprogram the "grandaddy of them all" with a playoff game? I mean, you can't move the Rose Parade…
Rory: Sandwich the Rose Bowl between the two playoff games.
Jon: Like it's a women's wrestling match?

Rory: Oh. In years when the Rose Bowl doesn't host a semifinal, the semifinal games will be played on December 31.
Jon: I can understand exhibition bowls on New Year's Eve, but playoff games?
Rory: Hey, last year's Chick-fil-A exhibition at 8:00 PM on December 31 drew the highest rating for a non-BCS bowl game on ESPN since 2000.
Jon: Hmmph. So New Year's Eve is Hulk Hogan vs. The Rock, and New Year's Day is Triple H vs. Chris Jericho.
Rory: In years when the Rose Bowl doesn't host a semifinal.

Jon: When the College Football Playoff expands to eight teams, the quarterfinal games should all be played on the first day of the bowl fortnight. Make December 20…Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart.
Rory: [pause]
Jon: WrestleMania X, not SummerSlam 1994.
Rory: Ohhh… So New Year's Eve is…Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon, and New Year's Day is Bret vs. Yokozuna?
Jon: In years when the Rose Bowl doesn't host a semifinal. In years when it does…

Jon: In years when it does, December 20 is SmackDown Money in the Bank, New Year's Eve is Christian vs. Randy Orton, and New Year's Day is CM Punk vs. John Cena.

Starbucks Lovers

The fuck is this?

Rory: Where would you rank Charlie Hunnam's career among Undeclared cast members?
Jon: Hmm… Well, among the main cast, second, behind Seth Rogen.

1. Seth Rogen
2. Charlie Hunnam
3. Jay Baruchel
4. Loudon Wainwright III
5. Carla Gallo
6. Timm Sharp
7. Monica Keena
8. Christina Payano

Jon: Among the extended cast, though… Umm… Fifth?

1. Seth Rogen
2. Kevin Hart
3. Amy Poehler
4. Jason Segel
5. Charlie Hunnam

Jon: Had he not dropped out of 50 Shades of Grey, he would be four and Segel five.

Get happy or get your ass out

Let's judge this book by its cover:

Hot or not?

Oh it was filmed in Thailand! And the victims are all lesbians!

Allie has to decide fast… stay in this human cesspool and track down the killer, or return home to Detroit.

She chooses the less disturbing and dangerous option.

Bangkok. She chooses to stay in Bangkok.

Obviously people abbreviate and use accepted shorthand when texting, but this is ridiculous. "Sry sum dork naybr" and "no wz awsum, seriosly" are some of the more legible examples.

And while I'm no connoisseur of sexy-time chat-rooms, I find it hard to believe mimes make a habit of hanging out in them. [source]


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

49. Michael Jackson's "Black Or White" video morphing HANNITIZED (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Terry loves kreplach." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E09)
  • "I had an airtight break-up plan in place. I made a reservation next Thursday at a well-lit Korean restaurant in Midtown. It's the least romantic place I could think of." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E09)
  • "Now I know how Salieri felt." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E09)
  • [fires gun] "Shut up…" (The Walking Dead, S05E08)
  • "Cupcake-flavoured ice cream served on a waffle. Pizza tacos. Robot cake. Hot fudge car wash." (Bob's Burgers, S05E05)
  • "There's no such thing as an innocent fart anymore." (Getting On, S02E04)

(Getting On, S02E04)

  • "I'm studying anogenital distances, gender flips, vaginal atrophy, I have been invited to participate in the Cochran study on anal augmentation for female fecal incontinence…" (Getting On, S02E04)
  • "We can no longer sweep female fecal incontinence under the rug." (Getting On, S02E04)
  • "It was the harmless transmission of an errant vulva." (Getting On, S02E04)
  • "I'm a damn feminist who loves purses. Where else am I supposed to keep my feminist writings? In a purse. That's where."
    "Lena Dunham… [pause] I don't know… I–" (New Girl, S04E10)
  • "What's your favourite thing about America?"
    "Kentucky women."
    "Favourite part of The Rock?"
    "'Welcome to the Rock.'" (New Girl, S04E10)
  • "Now she works whenever she wants. It's a scam called 'consulting.'" (New Girl, S04E10)
  • Drink every time Chibs or Tig receives a phone call and informs Jax what his next scene is (Sons of Anarchy, S07E12)
  • "Go home, Wayne."
    "I can't do that. This is all I got left." (Sons of Anarchy, S07E12)
  • "Leave."
    [grabs leaves] (Modern Family, S06E09)
  • "There is not an Esther Choi on Earth who needs math tutoring." (Modern Family, S06E09)
  • "You race card, sir."
    "Ah, my African-American Express." (Black-ish, S01E09)
  • "Freemium gaming destroys lives. I lost my father to Candy Crush." (South Park, S18E09)
  • "All I do is rip off Missy." (South Park, S18E09)
  • "Death would be preferable to Tampa." (American Horror Story, S04E08)
  • It's matricide week on FX (American Horror Story, S04E08)
  • "I'm not going back to Instagram." (Babylon, S01E04)
  • 2Pac's "California Love" HANNITIZED (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)
  • "I'm using Asian condiments to loosen these cuffs." (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)
  • "What do you think Drag-On is up to now?" (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)

(The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)

  • "Some garbage is OK." (The Eric Andre Hannibal Buress Show, S03E05)
  • "His first name is a crime. Please welcome Rob Corddry." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E18)
  • "813.54."
    "You still remember my Dewey Decimal number."
    "You still remember the amount of times I've had sex." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E18)
  • "I have a thyroid issue, like my father before me." (Saturday Night Live, S40E08)


Eater's Digest: Portland, OR

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I trekked out to a bakery in northeast Portland, and it had closed early so that the staff could go apple picking, because of course.

October 2014

nong's khao man gai / pacific pie company / salt and straw / le pigeon / cool moon ice cream / lardo sandwiches / lauretta jean's / bunk sandwiches / veritable quandary / ox / blue star donuts / the people's pig / i heart this cart

Gold Stars

Five Chilled Seafood Preparations (Ox)
oregon bay shrimp ceviche, dungeness crab cocktail, octopus poke, scallop salad "dynamite," salmon gravlax tartare

Roasted Brussels Sprouts
"everything" bagel seasoning, chive mascarpone, smoked salmon roe

Avocado and Cantaloupe (Le Pigeon)
fluke, saffron, ginger, chilies

Chicken and Oxtail (Le Pigeon)
semolina gnocchi, taleggio, green beans, tomato crema

Foie Gras Profiterole[s] (Le Pigeon)
caramel sauce, sea salt

Apple Sour Cream Streusel Pie (Pacific Pie Company)

Khao Man Gai [Chicken and Rice] (Nong's Khao Man Gai)

I saw Nong on Chopped and sought out her food cart. Served in butcher paper, her khao man gai puts Hainanese chicken rice to shame.

I effort to try a chocolate pecan pie in every city I visit.

Chocolate Bourbon Hazelnut Pie (Pacific Pie Company)

Looks like a chocolate pecan pie, tastes like a Ferrero Rocher. I dug it.

Passion Fruit and Cocoa Nib Donut (Blue Star Donuts)
Blueberry Bourbon Basil Donut (Blue Star Donuts)

Foie Gras Terrine (Ox)
pear prosciutto, pickled chanterelles, malted white chocolate, salted pear reduction, croutons

Foie gras and malted white chocolate? I had to try it.

It confirmed my distaste for creamy foie gras. Seared foie gras? Delicious. Creamy foie gras? NOPE.

Pigeon Noodles (Le Pigeon)
parmesan, black pepper, strawberry, turnip
—Not noodles made of pigeon, just a pasta dish. Wish it was better.

[Dracula's] Blood Pudding Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)

It tasted like spumoni.

Salt Cod Sandwich (Bunk)
olympic provisions spanish chorizo, oil cured olives, italian parsley

I'm done with salt cod. Its intriguing name tricks you into ordering a bland and texturally off-putting fish. Won't get fooled again.

Pork Belly Gyro (Lardo)
feta, cucumber, tzatziki, tomato, aardvark sauce

Dirty Fries (Lardo)
pork scraps, marinated peppers, fried herbs, parmesan

Missed Connections

Fried Chicken Donut (Blue Star Donuts)
a glazed doughnut topped with a fried chicken breast chunks tossed with honey butter, with a packet of frank's red hot

[sigh] They sold out just as I walked in.

Clam Chowder (Ox)
smoked marrow bone, green onion, jalapeño

Duck Confit Spring Rolls (Veritable Quandary)
wasabi ginger sauce

Chinese Sausage Corn Dog (Expatriate)
hot mustard, xxx death sauce

Hot and Sour Indian Spiced Fries (Expatriate)
cilantro-raita aioli, house curry ketchup, sumac ranch

Expatriate Nacho[s] (Expatriate)
fried wonton chips, thai chili cheese sauce, spicy lemongrass beef, crema, kaffir lime, tomato salsa, herbs

PB and J Fries (Potato Champion)
fries topped with satay sauce and a smokey chipotle raspberry jam


ASBO and Proud

The Wolfpack / U.S.A. (Director: Crystal Moselle) — Six bright teenage brothers have spent their entire lives locked away from society in a Manhattan housing project. All they know of the outside is gleaned from the movies they watch obsessively (and recreate meticulously). Yet as adolescence looms, they dream of escape, ever more urgently, into the beckoning world.




Bonded by the extreme circumstances of their childhood — never allowed to leave their tiny family apartment, never allowed to cut their hair, never introduced to the Internet, and almost no contact with the outside world — they became near-mythical characters.

Through their television — loaded with a library of Scorsese and Tarantino — the boys found their biggest moral compass.

Dressed like Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs, the over-caffeinated brothers, ranging in age from 13 to 20, eventually display the psychological repercussions of constant reclusion. This culminates in one brother's escape from the family apartment while donning the mask of Halloween's Michael Myers, which results in his admission to a mental hospital. [source]

Welp, looks like I have a most anticipated film of 2015.


Disney's The Breakfast Club
The brain = Marvel/Star Wars
The athlete = ESPN
The basket case = A&E
The princess = ABC Family/Lifetime
The criminal = Maker Studios

Wikia descriptions of season 14 Degrassi characters:

Mike Dallas, the multi-layered alphamale and teen dad repeating Grade 12.

Clare Edwards, the strong-willed, intellectual, compassionate, and sometimes sneaky Student Body VP who has beat cancer and is currently pregnant.

Miles Hollingsworth III, a billionaire bad-boy with charisma who was expelled from boarding school for arson who is bisexual.

Maya Matlin, a young cello virtuoso who is trying to move forward in her life after her late boyfriend's suicide.

Zoë Rivas, a former West Drive star with a passion for fashion who uses her looks, charm, and deviousness to get her way while also trying to cope with her recent sexual assault.

UPDATE: Someone catalogued every sexual assault in Degrassi history!

Lucy and Susie were sexually harassed by Mr. Colby at Degrassi Junior High School.

Wheels was almost molested in a car by a random stranger while he was hitchhiking.

Liz was molested by her mother's ex-boyfriend as a young girl.

Emma was held captive in a hotel room by a pedophile and was almost raped.

Paige was raped by Dean at a party.

Darcy was raped by a serial rapist who spiked teenage girls' drinks at a party.

Jane was molested by her father, Carlos Valieri.

K.C. was almost forced to have sex with a hooker hired by Coach Carson against his will as well as had him watching porn.

Connor was almost molested in a car by his internet stalker.

Bianca was forced into sex with Vince on numerous occassions and was almost raped by her ex-boyfriend Anson.

Clare was sexually harassed by her former boss, Asher.

Maya was sexually harassed by Neil following being cyber bullied and slut shamed online.

Zoë was raped by Luke and Neil at a party.

Tristan was statutory raped by Mr. Yates.

Winston was almost groped by Mr. Yates.