In Taipei, I discovered a Taiwanese band named 1976, which formed eight years before the band The 1975. This discovery led me to Google.

Is 1970 a band?

Is 1971 a band?
Yes, 1971 is a Bangladeshi band, seemingly named after the year of the Bangladesh Liberation War.

Is 1972 a band?

Is 1973 a band?
Yes, 1973 is a French band.

Is 1974 a band?
Yes. In 2012, 1974 won "Best New Band" at the first annual Connecticut Music Awards.

Is 1975 a band?
Yes, The 1975 is a UK band.

Is 1976 a band?
Yes, 1976 is a Taiwanese band.

Is 1977 a band?
Yes, 1977 is a UK "punk and new wave tribute band."

Is 1978 a band?
Yes, 1978 Band is a Greek band.

Is 1979 a band?
Yes, 1979 is a band of Iowa teenagers. Also: Death From Above 1979 (Canada).

Is 1980 a band?
Yes, 1980 is a French "brutal jazz power trio."

Is 1981 a band?
Yes, 1981 is a Finnish anarcho-punk band.

Is 1982 a band?
Yes, 1982 is a Belgian band.

Is 1983 a band?

Jon: Family Feud. Name a song with a year in its title. What's the top answer?
Rory: Hmm… "1999" – Prince?
Tina: Good answer! Good answer!

The 10th album has to be The Blood Brothers – Crimes, no?

His sex appeal is only his athleticism


Okay, 1. It's 2014. Why are you still handing out CDs? Just share your music on the Internet!, and 2. How can you expect me to give you money for a CD that I didn't ask for?

After declining to give him money, what if I hadn't relinquished the CD-R that he handed me? What if I just ran off with it? Would he chase me down?


How is this elderly woman swimming so fast?

Oh. She's wearing fins. Bah! Swimming laps with fins on is like running on a moving walkway.

Look at this bloke wearing a snorkel in a lap pool.


I step out of a hotel room shower and notice something on my left butt cheek in the opposing mirror.

Is that a mole?

I visit a dermatologist as soon as possible.

He says it's a benign tumour – a dermatofibroma.

How do I remove it?

Well, it can only be removed surgically, and surgery will leave a scar. Do you want a scarred ass, Jon?

No, but… So what, I just…


Walking toward Uncle 7 of 8's house in a guarded neighbourhood in Taipei, I see a Hispanic dude wearing a backpack walking toward me and gawk, as do a nanny and girl entering an apartment building.

We are all Mark Cuban.

Idea: A documentary on black people who live in Asia.


So… You have to pay to read The Onion in Taiwan.

"Only $0.99 for the first month" – how Comcastic.

Exploring Taipei gastronomically has been somewhat challenging, as Eater doesn't have a "Top 38 Restaurants" list or "Where to Eat Now" heat map for the city, and Yelp doesn't support Taiwan, which confounds me, as all I ever see on Yelp is reviews by Asian people.

The local equivalent of Yelp is, heh, iPeen, but it's in Chinese, and Google Translate, well…

I've contemplated expatriating to create an English-language Eater-like blog network for Asia. An impossible task, I know.

Hung-Poo is a real estate development company in Taiwan.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

21. The Red Supper (Hannibal, S02E13)


A Television Episode of the Year nominee.

Honourable Mention

  • TechCrunch Disrupt Competition Presentations (Silicon Valley, S01E07)
  • Don's Death (Fargo, S01E06)
  • Whiteout Pursuit (Fargo, S01E06)
  • Lightskin Awareness Foundation (Loiter Squad, S03E02)

Stray Observations

  • "Dad's tied up somewhere!"
    "[gasps] He's in a meeting, and he's going to be there for a while!" (Bob's Burgers, S04E22)
  • Bob's Burgers Season Grade: B-
  • The Amazing Race Season Grade: D
  • "Giant elliptical galaxies are something like…Florida, where the oldest stars in the universe may be found." (Cosmos, S01E11)
  • "I want you shopping all day, and screwing all night." (Mad Men, S07E06)
  • "You've seen your daughter for the year. Don't you have a plane to catch?" (Mad Men, S07E06)
  • RT: "The flood gates have opened! First FX let's the word fuck loose uncensored on Louie and now AMC let's one fly on Mad Men" (Mad Men, S07E06)
  • "I want you to feel good about what you're doing, but you'll never know. That's just the job."
    "What's the job?"
    "Living in the not knowing." (Mad Men, S07E06)
  • "You'd love Detroit. We could have a mansion." (Mad Men, S07E06)
  • "Man does not live only in the empirical world. He must seek the ephemeral, or why live?" (Penny Dreadful, S01E02)
  • "I've seen quite a few new companies. Spinder… It's like Tinder but for spinsters…" (Silicon Valley, S01E07)
  • "Do you have those spotlights that come up from the ground, like in PRIDE Fighting?" (Silicon Valley, S01E07)
  • "Death, glory, folly, tragedy – it's got all the four main mood groups." (Veep, S03E07)
  • "You know what 'intrinsic' means?"
    "Yeah, I try to learn a word a day. I love words very ardently." (Veep, S03E07)
  • "Fat people don't even vote! They can't even be bothered to get out of the house, you know? There's no food in the voting booth…" (Veep, S03E07)
  • "I need to be driven to the airport at Diana speed." (Veep, S03E07)
  • Michelle Fairley's daughter looks like Sophie Turner – bizarro Catelyn and Sansa Stark (24, S09E04)
  • "I'm told you just shot two people out in front of the embassy."
    "I barely grazed them, sir."
    "How do you know that?"
    "Because I pulled the trigger." (24, S09E04)
  • "Christopher Columbus is a murderer. They want me to draw a picture of him smiling." (Louie, S04E05)
  • Whoa. Louis' love interest is Eva in Stranger Than Paradise, and this is her first acting role in 18 years (Louie, S04E05)
  • RT: "The J and L keys on Louie's phone weren't working at the beginning of the episode. He literally couldn't communicate about Jane and Lily" (Louie, S04E06)
  • "I love being with you. It's like my fourth favourite thing."
    "What are the first three?"
    "Uhh… Okay, number three… Riding elephants. Love it. Number two… Collecting hydrogen. My hydrogen collection is awesome. And number one would have to be…remembering being with you." (Louie, S04E06)
  • "Do you know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog." (Louie, S04E06)
  • From Dusk Till Dawn Season Grade: D+
  • Modern Family Season Grade: C
  • The Reagan paintings this season… (The Americans, S02E13)
  • Even in Stan's dream, Martha is stealing files off the mail robot (The Americans, S02E13)
  • "Paige is your daughter, but she's not just yours. She belongs to the cause, and to the world." (The Americans, S02E13)
  • The Americans Season Grade: B
  • "So, tell me about this American version of our beloved British Office."
    "So, instead of Dawn, for example, my character's name is Pam."
    "Bloody hell!"
    "Oh, and none of our cast members are outspoken about their atheism." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S03E03)
  • "Sweet Chin Music," "Figure Four Leg Lock," "Sharpshooter" – season three episodes of Loiter Squad are titled after wrestling finishing moves
  • "We are orchestrations of carbon, you and me." (Hannibal, S02E13)
  • "I died. I'm between deaths."
    "The punctuation at the end of a sentence gives meaning to every word, every space that proceeded it."
    "You moved my punctuation mark, Dr. Lecter. You moved my meaning." (Hannibal, S02E13)
  • Hannibal Season Grade: A


Jesteś Bogiem

So… Taipei's government blocks on the city's free public wi-fi.

I wonder if you can access at all in China.

Public urinals in Taipei flush automatically when you "approach" them, but you have to approach them to pee, so they flush before you pee.

Or do I just pee very close to urinals?

Don't bring chickens into subway stations, y'all.

Taiwanese television reminds me of this Saturday Night Live sketch. Seemingly every channel – on-screen text galore.

Turkish Delight

This billboard has EVERYTHING: Adam Sandler on an ostrich, Drew Barrymore in a parachute, an African savanna, four brunettes with the same hairstyle, Terry Crews holding a gold microphone…


RE: Godzilla

More like MUTOs (feat. Godzilla), amirite? Juliette Binoche has a larger role.

Standing at 355 feet tall, this film features the largest Godzilla in the entire franchise. [source]

The best part is the opening credits.

The worst part is the boy separated from his parents at the airport.

Godzilla was originally planned to be found preserved in a Siberian glacier. This was changed when the filmmakers saw that Man of Steel (2013) had a similar scene. [source]

Why cast Ken Watanabe if his character being Japanese is utterly irrelevant?

You Don't Know How Lucky You Are

This past weekend, my cousin Wayne,

cousin 16 of 18,

B's brother,

who was once literally in his father's doghouse, locked inside overnight as punishment,

who rented every single horror film at our local Blockbuster,

who was caught stealing copy machines from the Staples he worked at,

who ingested a bag of mushrooms before seeing Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas,

the cousin closest to me in age and proximity,

master player of Blast Corps and Twinsen's Odyssey,

he got married.

And now, I, cousin 17 of 18, am on the clock. Heh.

In defense of soy sauce as a wedding favour, the box containing the two bottles was pretty fancy. 60 tables x 12 guests = 720 fancy boxes.

Wikipedia » Wedding reception » Chinese culture » Food:

Traditionally, after the fifth dish of the dinner, the groom and bride and their families will approach each table to toast the guests.

Power hour.

B: Jon, this is Big Uncle's son [cousin 6 of 18].
Jon: Yes, we chatted yesterday.

He looked oddly younger than before, though, and his English was fobbier [cousin 6 of 18 was raised in Japan and is basically Japanese, so we have to converse in English].

I later learned that who I thought was Big Uncle's son was actually Big Aunt's son – cousin 9 of 18 – and felt slightly insulted that he felt the need to converse with me in English.

I need a Gary on Veep to brief me on relatives at family gatherings.

"This is uncle 7 of 8. Father of the groom. He is an instant noodles and soy sauce tycoon."

"This is cousin 3 of 18. She dated Jackie Chan…"

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

20. Mason Verger feeds his face to Will's dogs, eats his own nose (Hannibal, S02E12)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Music: Keaton Henson – "Flesh and Bone" (In the Flesh, S02E02)
  • Mr. Goiter, Lady Big Nose, Mr. Down There Hair, Henry Human Feet, Dr. Big Butt (Bob's Burgers, S04E21)
  • Stirring score for the final 90 seconds (Cosmos, S01E10)
  • "I'm sorry you no longer have a father." (Game of Thrones, S04E06)
  • Mort Drucker reference! (Mad Men, S07E05)
  • RT: "By the end of the series, I *will* be Clarinet Negro #2 on Mad Men" (Mad Men, S07E05)
  • "I'm not stupid! I speak Italian!" (Mad Men, S07E05)
  • I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by computers, slicing hysterical nipple (Mad Men, S07E05)
  • Jared's self-driving car story is TOO absurd (Silicon Valley, S01E06)
  • "What is 'Marimba, America'?"
    "Marimba, that alarm that's on your phone when you wake up. It's like, 'Wake up, America!'" (Veep, S03E06)
  • "In my country, politics is a lot more honest."
    "In your country, people fuck snow – and I hope you understand that I say that with the utmost respect." (Veep, S03E06)
  • Prey Season Grade: C+
  • Top Chef Canada Season Grade: C
  • 24: A show about damaged people combatting terrorism (24, S09E03)
  • "Parliament" (24, S09E03)
  • How do the guards at the embassy not recognize Jack Bauer? (24, S09E03)
  • "Don't say no. No is stupid. No is for queers.'" (Louie, S04E03)
  • "And here's to you, Mrs. Pee Pee Face…" (Louie, S04E04)
  • "Only a fool thinks he can solve the world's problems."
    "Yeah, but you got to try, don't you?" (Fargo, S01E05)
  • "It was the Romans, wasn't it?"
    "What are you saying?"
    "St. Lawrence, your window. The Romans burned him alive."
    "They did."
    "You know why?"
    "'Cause he was Christian."
    "Maybe. But I think it was because the Romans were raised by wolves. Greatest empire in human history, founded by wolves. You know what wolves do. They hunt. They kill. It's why I never bought into The Jungle Book. Boy is raised by wolves, he becomes friends with a bear and a panther. I don't think so. I knew a guy once, had a 110-pound Rottweiler, and one night this girl thought it would be funny to get down on all fours and let the dog hump her. Dog still had its balls. Well, the dog gets up there, but he's not in on the joke. This is just a bitch in heat as far as he's concerned, and he's not leaving until he gets what he came for. Well, the girl, too late, realizes the kind of mistake she's made, she wants to get up. But the dog had other ideas. Had to shoot it behind the ear to get it off her."
    "I don't…"
    "Well, I'm saying that the Romans, raised by wolves, they see a guy turning water into wine, what do they do? They eat him, 'cause there are no saints in the animal kingdom, only breakfast and dinner." (Fargo, S01E05)
  • A post-coital condom pass/tissue wipe on television! (The Americans, S02E12)
  • Shark Tank Season Grade: B
  • "Whenever feasible, one should always try to eat the rude."
    "Free range rude." (Hannibal, S02E12)
  • "Hannibal can get lost in self-congratulation at his own exquisite taste and cunning. Whimsy, that will be how he will get caught." (Hannibal, S02E12)
  • "Whomever's pursuing whom at this very moment, I intend to eat them." (Hannibal, S02E12)

RT: "Michael Pitt runs his lines" (Hannibal, S02E12)

  • Saturday Night Live Season Grade: C


I got the jam but not the bread

I have not traveled outside of North America since 2004, and have not returned to the motherland since 1996.

A 13h 45m flight sounds excruciating to 31-year-old me, but, at the end of the painbow… all-I-can-eat wax apples!

Best fruit: 1. Watermelon, 2. Wax apple, 3. White peach.

[looks for a hotel in atlanta on hotwire]

3½ stars, but only 50% recommended. Hmm… 3½ stars can't be that bad.

[books hotel]

Meliá Hotel.

[consults google]

Huh. 2 stars on Yelp. One, two, three, four consecutive recent 1 star reviews. I've stayed in crappy hotels before, though. As long as the wif—"wonky wifi, wifi didn't work, pitifully slow wifi, internet is completely unusable, internet is 1970s slow, it is even worse than dial-up."

[checks gmail]

"All bookings are final and no changes or refunds are allowed."

Well, fuck.

Grosse Ile

Would you rather just miss a bus on a Sunday, or have your genitals mutilated?

You know how on some airplanes, you can send text messages from your seat to other seats? Idea: A car-to-car chat platform. Instead of honking or flipping the bird, send (dictate) a text message.

Idea: A Showcase Showdown wheel Easter egg for iOS' default alarm clock app.

Things I dream about: Gorbachav, a chav with a port-wine stain on his forehead.

How is there no Thai restaurant in Tuscaloosa named "Crimson Thai"?

as seen on eBay

Graphic Novel Title Idea: Church and Stake. A frosty deacon vs. Deacon Frost?

If you watch Cosmos and then you watch Man of Steel — Neil before Zod.

If you watch Marathon Man and then you watch Labyrinth — David after dentist.

Defended Semaphore

Ben: i can't stop listening to 5 seconds of summer
Jon: the american apparel song?
Ben: yes
Jon: …
Ben: man the HOOK

Mash-Up Idea: "5 Seconds of Summer Girls."

You look so perfect standing there
In my American Apparel underwear
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer

I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch
I'd take her if I had one wish
And I know now that I'm so down

I heard someone on a podcast say "if these walls could talk" and thought of a chat show à la The View on which the panelists are all chunks of walls – Great Wall, Berlin Wall…

"Sitting in for Wailing Wall today is Washington Wizards point guard John Wall."

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

19. Texans respond to a severe drought (Vice, S02E08)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "We are the undead, we are the redeemed." (In the Flesh, S02E01)
  • What happens when this show runs out of Keaton Henson songs to use? (In the Flesh, S02E01)
  • "Congratulations, you're alive." (Cosmos, S01E09)
  • "You know what kind of stories poor men enjoy the most? Ones about rich girls they'll never meet." (Game of Thrones, S04E05)
  • "Everywhere in the world they hurt little girls." (Game of Thrones, S04E05)
  • Kubrick film references (Mad Men, S07E04)

Kumail Nanjiani + T.J. Miller (Silicon Valley, S01E05)

  • "I think you have just the right amount of…grit in your oyster." (Veep, S03E05)
  • "You attacked me with a burrito. The juice could've gotten in my eyes, Dan. The spicy burrito juice." (Veep, S03E05)
  • "Desperate Dan, Flailing Amy, Crippled Gary, Jizzy Mike." (Veep, S03E05)
  • "I'm a Prosecco man." (Veep, S03E05)
  • "Let's throw cum! Let's throw cum!" (Veep, S03E05)
  • Jack Bauer is now a cyborg (24, S09E01)

RT: "Jack Bauer's confirmed kill list starts with S1 names. Like he never killed before?" (24, S09E01)

  • "'Dear AIDS'?"
    "We have to write a letter to AIDS as an assignment. I don't know what to say to AIDS."
    "Umm… 'Dear AIDS, please cut it out? Uh… How's the weather in AIDS land?'" (Louie, S04E01)
  • "Clean jokes: 1. Chickens are dumb." (Louie, S04E02)
  • In one night, Yvonne Strahovski is headbutted in the face by Jack Bauer and elbowed in the face by Louis C.K. (24, S09E02 / Louie, S04E02)
  • Bates Motel Season Grade: C
  • New Girl Season Grade: C-
  • "I can do Temple of Doom, man, but Crystal Skull, I'm out." (From Dusk Till Dawn, S01E08)
  • "Put it down."
    "But it's a new phone…" (Fargo, S01E04)
  • "Nobody likes being watched while they eat."
    "Some people do."
    "What people?"
    "Mormons." (Fargo, S01E04)
  • "How come the human eye can see more shades of green than any other colour?"
    "Because of predators. Used to be we were monkeys, right? And in the woods, in the jungle, everything's green, so in order to not get eaten by panthers and bears and the like, we had to be able to see them in grass and trees and such." (Fargo, S01E04)
  • "Star Wars: Episode VII – Boss Nass Is Back." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E01)
  • The Trip to Italy Season Grade: C-
  • Eating Ortolan Bunting! (Hannibal, S02E11)
  • YTMND'd: "Have a chocolate!" (Hannibal, S02E11)
  • Dead Ringers homage (Hannibal, S02E11)


How Long Is The Night?

This past Sunday, I saw Kumiko, the Treasure Hunter, a film about a Japanese woman who travels to Minnesota in search of the money that Carl buries in the film Fargo, because she believes that Fargo is, as its preface notes, a true story.

Two days later, on Fargo the television series, a young Stavros found the money that Carl buries in Fargo the film.

It's the year of people finding the money that Carl buries in Fargo!

Films in which a video cassette of an existing film is a plot element:
Kumiko, the Treasure Hunter (Fargo)
Dogtooth (Rocky IV and Jaws)
Son of Rambow (First Blood)

Give my umbrella to the rain dogs

The documentary film I worked on opens this Friday in my old stomping ground of Westwood. But first, we're screening it tonight at the American Apparel factory and tomorrow night at the Museum of Tolerance.

I forgot that Jack Bauer and I both majored in English at UCLA.

I'm looking forward t—Bachi Burger still hasn't opened in Little Osaka?!

Grieveland, OH

You know rock is dead when 311, Foster the People, and Avicii are headlining modern rock radio station festivals.

"Dress to go to a punk rock concert circa 2003."

3½. Pretend that Ben Weasel hasn't publicly punched a woman in the face

What is the logic behind this combination? Saturday Night Live alums who were available?

I feel like Dana Carvey should be replaced with Norm Macdonald, or Dennis Miller with someone gentler, like Tim Meadows.

Would you rather see Victoria Jackson, Dennis Miller, and Rob Schneider in one night, or Adam Sandler in Africa?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

18. Lomo Saltado (Hannibal, S02E10)

"You slice the ginger."

Stray Observations

  • "I will fight injustice with justice." (Game of Thrones, S04E04)
  • A Kingslayer Bros. spin-off (Game of Thrones, S04E04)
  • "Eat your candy." (Mad Men, S07E03)
  • "I lose women and what am I left with? I'm left with gay Latinos and…Jews at college, I guess." (Veep, S03E04)
  • "I am balls deep in this omelette." (Veep, S03E04)
  • "My brain feels like it's being fuckin' circumcised." (Veep, S03E04)
  • "I am gonna get some air and then throw up in it." (Veep, S03E04)
  • "I got a hangover worse than the film they made after The Hangover." (Veep, S03E04)
  • "No, ma'am, that's Ron Jeremy."
    "I know. He's a great actor. He was Scar in The Lion King." (Veep, S03E04)
  • "The Smarch learns quickly. It's like it has an Asian mother." (Veep, S03E04)
  • "We see ourselves as very much post-tax." (Veep, S03E04)
  • "Fuck you stepdad 1 and stepdad 3!" (Veep, S03E04)
  • "I'm taking these people back to dial-up." (Veep, S03E04)
  • "Next week, we have Rupert Grint from the Harry Potter movies." [more applause than Selina] (Veep, S03E04)
  • "We've withdrawn our offer."
    "Well, 'like.' Sorry, wrong company." (Veep, S03E04)
  • Yay Eric (MasterChef Canada, S01E15)
  • MasterChef Canada Season Grade: C
  • "You must include Hellmann's mayonnaise in one of your healthy dishes." (Top Chef Canada, S04E08)
  • "Everybody's mother lives inside them." (Bates Motel, S02E09)
  • Here we go. The episode with the twist (From Dusk Till Dawn, S01E07)

(From Dusk Till Dawn, S01E07)

(Fargo, S01E03)

  • Portlandia Season Grade: C+
  • Review Season Grade: C+
  • "Where do you stand on Michael Bublé?"
    "His windpipe?" (The Trip to Italy, S02E05)

(Hannibal, S02E10)

  • "In love, you take leave of your senses, but in hatred, you must be present to calculate your actions." (Hannibal, S02E10)
  • Jack Bauer is a Rihanna fan (Saturday Night Live, S39E19)


I saw Richard Linklater's Boyhood on Friday.

During a Q&A before the screening, he said that television is where it's at right now, but that he doesn't have any ideas for television.

Well, filmed intermittently over 12 years, from 2001 to 2013, Boyhood is a variation on a television series.

Warp Pipe

I snagged a ticket to this next week. It was $185, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to experience a Wolvesmouth meal.

While searching for brunch spots in Louisville, I stumbled upon SuperChef's Breakfast, a restaurant located in the back of a consignment shop.

Which Super Duper Cake are you?

I'm a Sub-Zero.

Also available from the SuperChef:

Peanut Butter and Jelly Oatmeal
slow cooked steel cut oatmeal intensified with creamy peanut butter and topped with our house made grape jelly

And in Seattle:

PB&J Bread Pudding (Miller's Guild)
house made donut with raspberry sauce and vanilla ice cream

PB&J Jalapeno Poppers (Shelter Lounge)
panko breaded jalapeno peppers stuffed with cream cheese and peanut butter. served with a sweet, spicy jelly

Sushi rolls in Kentucky (Dragon King's Daughter):

Lot of cream cheese on the sushi menu. Blech.

Not to be outdone by Taco Bell's waffle taco and Domino's specialty chicken, Subway is testing a Kung Pao pulled pork sandwich in Seattle.

And at Panda Express:

I like how the two "woks" are healthy food and unhealthy food.