13. Bike messenger Spyke gets a car (Portlandia, S04E05)
- Cigarettes will kill you (Justified, S05E11)
- Charles Barkley swears he has more money than Boomer Esiason, rips on Shaq (Florida vs. UCLA, 03-27-14)
- Jos. A. Bank ad (Saturday Night Live, S39E16)
- Chris Fitzpatrick for ASB president (Saturday Night Live, S39E16)
- "Beefer Sutherland" (Bob's Burgers, S04E14)
- "A nice thick layer of chocolate squares make up the base, couple of handfuls of crushed pretzels, top it all off with marshmallows, and voilà! Teddy Brûlée." (Bob's Burgers, S04E14)
- "Oh that jet is right on my back. Ohh, that's a lumbar paradise." (Bob's Burgers, S04E14)
- "This is an erection-free bus." (Total Divas, S02E02)
- RT: "why doesn't anybody on the walking dead ride a goddamn bike?" (The Walking Dead, S04E15)
- Glenn and Maggie – Desmond and Penny they ain't (The Walking Dead, S04E15)
- Carl Grimes: Post-Apocalyptic Litterer (The Walking Dead, S04E15)
- Robert Hooke is The Penguin? Gru? (Cosmos, S01E03)
- The History of Fish (Cosmos, S01E03)
- "Sweetie, let mommy do her drug dealing." (Shameless, S04E10)
- "Are you robbing me with my own fuckin' gun?" (Shameless, S04E10)
- "Hannah, you got into Iowa. You fucking go." (Girls, S03E12)
- Girls Season Grade: C+
- Christian Slater (Archer, S05E09)
"You are a timid man, Cyril."
"What? No, I'm not."
"Dude, your balls are made of pussy." (Archer, S05E09)
- "If we did sleep together, you'd remember." (Bates Motel, S02E04)
- "Some voids can't be filled with Jamba Juice." (Rick and Morty, S01E09)
"Your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded."
"Ooh. Oh boy, Rick. I don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know."
"Uhh, Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. I'm stating the fact that if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded."
"Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing."
"Well, that's retarded." (Rick and Morty, S01E09)
(WWE Raw, 03-24-14)
(From Dusk Till Dawn, S01E03)
"I sent him a bunch of drunk texts last night."
"Oh dear Lord… 'I miss the way that your hands smell'? Did you write an entire Jewel song in here?" (New Girl, S03E20)
"I always thought I'd move back to Portland."
"Oh. Portland, Earth?"
"It's like friendly San Francisco." (New Girl, S03E20)
- "The name of my first-born child has to be Reginald VelJohnson." (New Girl, S03E20)
- Nick likes Circa Survive (New Girl, S03E20)
- "You can't handle the me!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E22)
- Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season Grade: B
- "Could I just quickly point out our luxury bath service, sir? We have five outrageously decadent baths that I can prepare for you at a moment's notice. I should just point out, though, that our Pharoah's Fantasy does take a dash longer, normally, because our Nubian lives off-site." (Modern Family, S05E18)
- "I'm a shaving butler up on Plus." (Modern Family, S05E18)
- "That's probably the Cuban I ordered for you." (Modern Family, S05E18)
"If I'm not Bowser, I'm definitely freakin' Wario. I'm no bitch ass Toad."
"I'm not even in the same game as you bitches. I'm in Diddy Kong Racing, baby."
"Wait a second. If we're changing games, I'm Pierce Brosnan in 007." (Workaholics, S04E10)
- RT: "I was kind of surprised they went there with the sound. I can't really recall another scene in a TV drama where a character shits, but it's played naturally, without comedy. So kudos to the foley person for their shit work." (The Americans, S02E05)
- RT: "Philip doesn't believe in double wiping." (The Americans, S02E05)
Arnold Schwarzenegger does the stanky legg (106 and Park, 03-27-14)
- "My earlier attempt to live as Batman was halfhearted jest, the stuff of Schumacher." (Review, S01E04)
- "Being Batman: four stars." (Review, S01E04)
"This car is the default setting."
"It's like it was designed while someone was sleeping or something."
"And then one guy was like, 'We should put some wipers on the headlights.' That guy got fired." (Portlandia, S04E05)
- "Clapton probably just signs guitars specifically for memorabilia cafés." (Portlandia, S04E05)
- "Take that poison, boy!" (Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule, S03E05)
- "Oldest trick in the diaper book." (Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule, S03E05)
- "Mobin couldn't hack it." (Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule, S03E05)
- "We're insulting you in semaphore." (Enlisted, S01E09)
Keith David in a milk bath (Enlisted, S01E09)
- "We evolved the ability to communicate disappointment to teach those around us good manners." (Hannibal, S02E05)
- Hitler 'stache dissolve (Hannibal, S02E05)
- "You're a nurse at the hospital. You're setting a new standard of care." (Hannibal, S02E05)