4. "If You Were A Black Guy" (The Midnight Beast, S02E01)
- Mr. Meeseeks try to take two strokes off Jerry's golf game (Rick and Morty, S01E05)
- Bake-off (New Girl, S03E13)
- Boyd shows off his tattoos (Justified, S05E03)
- The new chard stand (Parks and Recreation, S06E12)
- Billy Joel (The Greatest Event in Television History, E04)
- Inside SoCal (Saturday Night Live, S39E12)
- Music: "You Better Run" – Dr. C.J. Johnson (True Detective, S01E02)
- "The hubris it must take to yank a soul out of non-existence into this…meat, and to force a life into this…thresher. Yeah, so my daughter, she, uh…she spared me the sin of being a father." (True Detective, S01E02)
- "Back then, the visions, most of the time, I was convinced that I'd lost it. But there were other times, I thought I was mainlining the secret truth of the universe." (True Detective, S01E02)
- Three cast members of Greek (Shameless, S04E02)
- "My father only screwed a Mexican whore while he was with my mom, and they can't get pregnant." (Shameless, S04E02)
"You're a freshman."
"Yeah, but I fuck like a sophomore." (Shameless, S04E02)
"She wants me to abort my baby!"
"Over my dead sperm…" (Shameless, S04E02)
Gaby Hoffman's bush (Girls, S03E03)
- I dig the naturalistic tone (Looking, S01E01)
"Really? A winking smiley face?"
"What's wrong with that?"
"What are you, a Japanese teenager?"
"Look, I was a Japanese teenager. I didn't even use a winking smiley face." (Looking, S01E01)
- "With Asian parents, you have three options: doctor, engineer, or get beaten." (MasterChef Canada, S01E01)
- Brock Lesnar trips over monitor, hurls it into ring (WWE Raw, 01-20-14)
- "Zombie George Washington?" (Sleepy Hollow, S01E12)
"Remarkable stitching. An old flame of mine was a seamstress. She'd be most impressed."
"Who'd you date? Betsy Ross?"
"…How did you know that?" (Sleepy Hollow, S01E12)
- Alien John Cho (Sleepy Hollow, S01E12)
- "Prophecies have a nasty way of fulfilling themselves, if you let them." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E12)
- "Does an alderman have an unwarranted self-regard?" (Sleepy Hollow, S01E12)
- "You and I will choose our own destiny. We have free will. I choose to forge my fate with you." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E12)
"So does this mean we can finally give away that ratty coat?"
"Please… And risk it be worn ironically by purveyors of artisanal marmalade who discovered it at a local thrift shop? I thank you, no. For judge a man not by the wear of what he wears, but by the where and how he wears it." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E13)
- Diagetic piano gag (Sleepy Hollow, S01E13)
- Sleepy Hollow Season Grade: B+
Pam eating a cocaine cast (Archer, S05E02)
- "She's all…coke-strong." (Archer, S05E02)
"Oh my God, Lana, Lana, you know what I could totally go for right now?"
"Some cocaine?" (Archer, S05E02)
- "Hi, I'm Mr. Booby Buyer." (Rick and Morty, S01E05)
- "That's my new thing. I'm kinda like, what's his name, Arsenio." (Rick and Morty, S01E05)
- "DiversWithTitsEatingShit.org." (Chozen, S01E02)
- Skin-colour-matching KKK hoods/robes (Chozen, S01E02)
- "I'll be your rock – the Dwayne Johnson kind." (Chozen, S01E02)
- "This is a classy tipi!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E14)
"Do you know any, like, time-consuming and free activities in Griffith Park?"
"Gross! …Suicide?" (New Girl, S03E13)
"Sure you know how to tap a keg?"
"How hard could it be? It's beer, for crying out loud. It's the drink of idiots." (New Girl, S03E13)
- "A lot of people never graduated high school – Einstein, Bill Gates, Anne Frank… I'm gonna take back that last one." (New Girl, S03E13)
- "Pussy is a powerful thing." (Justified, S05E03)
- "Does this restaurant have blow jobs on the menu?" (Justified, S05E03)
- "DJ Ango is…chained." (Workaholics, S04E01)
- "I'm coven guard dog." – cringe! (American Horror Story, S03E12)
- Nigella Lawson is a terrible judge of talent (The Taste, S02E04)
"Look, chard is disgusting. You try selling it without sexy dancers. It's impossible. It's like, 'Hey, you like lettuce? Try this, it's worse.' It tastes like kale took a dump on spinach."
"I like to think of it as celery with B.O." (Parks and Recreation, S06E12)
- "This is an excellent rectangle!" (Parks and Recreation, S06E12)
- "It wasn't marijuana. It was heirloom tomatoes. [to the tomatoes] I'll see you at tonight's arrabbiata." (Enlisted, S01E03)
"Have a seat, buddy. Wait, stand."
"I'll split the difference." (Enlisted, S01E03)
- "Shot break! [...] Ha! Nobody expects gin!" (Enlisted, S01E03)
- "We're like a yogurt commercial." (Enlisted, S01E03)
- "Jeffrey has a tummy ache!" (Saturday Night Live, S39E12)
- "Great gash mileage." (Saturday Night Live, S39E12)