'Tis the season.
Thanksgiving Sandwich (Ike's Place / SF)
cranberry sauce, havarti, sriracha, turkey, dutch crunch
Thanksgiving Sandwich (No. 7 Sub / NYC)
turducken, roasted brussels sprouts, potato chips, cranberry jelly, duck fat
Two of the more interesting Thanksgiving sandwiches I've eaten, both of which I wish also contained stuffing. If Ike's added stuffing to its Thanksgiving sandwich, it would be perfect.
Mexican Thanksgiving Sandwich (Mexicue / NYC)
house-smoked turkey, chipotle cheddar mashers, chorizo stuffing, chili cranberry relish
The chipotle overwhelmed everything else. All I tasted was chipotle.
Thanksgiving Panini (Bully's Deli / NYC)
turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, gravy, ciabatta
I was thankful for the gravy, because bites of this panini lacking it were super dry. This panini needs cheese.
Thanksgiving Croissant (Momofuku Milk Bar / NYC)
white meat turkey, dark meat turkey, gravy, cranberry sauce, and the dough is made with celery salt, so it tastes like stuffing
They can be heavenly or just sufficiently Thanksgiving, depending on your luck.
Thanksgiving Donuts (Zucker Bakery / NYC)
spiced pumpkin donut, turkey and cranberry filling
spiced pumpkin donut, turkey and gravy filling
The turkey and cranberry donut [pictured] is the better of the two. The gravy in the turkey and gravy donut tasted oddly mushroom-y.
Thanksgiving Pizza (Pizza by Cer Té / NYC)
turkey meatballs, mashed potatoes with giblet gravy, butternut squash fondue, cranberries
It didn't evoke Thanksgiving, but it tasted pleasant.
Thanksgiving Burrito (La Flaca / NYC)
turkey, mashed potato, stuffing, corn, smothered in gravy and cranberry sauce
A failure pile in a sadness tortilla. Since when is corn a Thanksgiving food?
Thanksgiving Taquitos (Taquitoria / NYC)
turkey and brussels sprouts taquito with gravy and cranberry sauce
+ latka taquito with apple sauce and sour cream
Alas, I am not around to try these.
Thanksgiving Po' Boy (Queens Comfort / QNS)
smoked turkey, stuffing, cranberry chutney, lettuce, tomato, pickled red onion, remoulade
…and this was unavailable when I visited.
Thanksgiving Macaroni and Cheese (S'MAC / NYC)
turkey, swiss cheese, topped with herbed stuffing, served with sides of homemade gravy and cranberry jelly
Winner, winner, Kraft dinner.
Thanksgiving Chicken and Waffles (Sweet Chick / BK)
confit turkey leg, cornbread stuffing waffle, mashed potatoes, cranberry compote, gravy
I couldn't discern stuffing in the waffle, and the gravy was putrid, but a heap of fried dark meat atoned for their sins.
Commence phase two of my march up the west coast.
• Be one of the first 50 people in line on Black Friday and receive a $10 gift certificate.
• All clothing items are $3 from 8-10am on Friday.
• Every store will have 200 free items hidden throughout, beginning Saturday.
I have spent, oh, five years of my life in Los Angeles, and drove in Los Angeles for the first time today.
The friend whose flat I'm staying at fled early for Thanksgiving and left me the keys to her car.
Why is the brake warning light on?
[checks parking brake lever]
It's not the parking brake. Hmm…
[presses brake pedal]
[consults user manual]
"The brake system indicator will stay lit if you do not fully release the parking brake." It's released.
"You will feel the brake pedal go down much farther before the vehicle begins to slow down, and you will have to press harder on the pedal." Yes.
"Because of the long distance needed to stop, it is hazardous to drive the vehicle. You should have it towed and repaired as soon as possible." GUH.
Do I need this car's registration for towing?
[ruffles through glovebox]
Where is the registration document?
Aaaaand my AAA card is in NorCal. [sighs]
Let me try driving back to the flat.
[slams brake pedal]
Brake brake brake brake brake!
Jon: I noticed the brake warning light, checked that the parking brake lever was pulled all the way up, and then brake pedal sensitivity plummeted. I can't stop your car at will, only slow it.
E: The parking brake lever was up?
Jon: Yes. All the way up.
E: Jon, the lever is supposed to be down.
E: You've never used a parking brake?!
Jon: Why would I use parking brake?! I don't drive stick, and I don't park on hills!
Jon: Pushing a lever down to release a brake is unintuitive. So you press down to apply and release brakes on your car?
Jon: You pull a ship's anchor up. You flip a bicycle's kickstand up.
Pepe: Jon, where are you?
Jon: I'm driving around Los Angeles. What's up?
Pepe: When you disposed of my bed, what did you do with the red rug underneath it?
Jon: I disposed of it too.
Pepe: WHAT?! Jon, that was a Jonathan Adler rug!
Jon: I…that means nothing to me. Blank stare.
Pepe: It cost $600!
Jon: Well, it was filthy.
I've been fighting him on rugs for months.
I don't think you should have rugs in your flat if you don't remove your shoes upon entry. I can measure the cleanliness of a hardwood floor, but an everyday rug is a filth mystery.
Idea: Other countries produce their own Doctor Who series and every few years, the various Doctor Whos unite in a film, à la The Avengers.
47. Hollywood Ending (Eastbound and Down, S04E08)
- Pit Boss (The Walking Dead, S04E06)
- Sacha Baron Cohen Cold Open (Eastbound and Down, S04E08)
- Ricky Gervais Loses His Shit (David Blaine: Real or Magic?, 11-19-13)
- "You can make yourself live with anything." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E11)
"I want you to be the next Ellen DeGeneres."
"Well, she's pretty dope, but she's a lesbian."
"I know she's a lesbian. I was in the meeting where we decided she should be one, and I was in the meeting where we decided that Ryan Seacrest should be straight." (Eastbound and Down, S04E08)
- "I want you to break him like he's a teenage hymen." (Eastbound and Down, S04E08)
- "Fucking duck's clit!" (Eastbound and Down, S04E08)
- "WorldStar! WorldStar!" (Eastbound and Down, S04E08)
(China, IL, S02E09)
- "The cell is secure. Thomas Jefferson designed it. He foresaw holding the worst type of demons that may walk the earth – a product, no doubt, of his years trying to reason with the French." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E08)
- RT: "david blaine's best magic reveal was that kanye and woody harrelson hang out" (David Blaine: Real or Magic?, 11-19-13)
- "You're kissing a sectional, you dummy." (New Girl, S03E09)
- "Friends don't call friends pathetic." (New Girl, S03E09)
- Clay! (Sons of Anarchy, S06E11)
"Jax loves you, Nero."
"Yeah, well, I'm too old to adopt."
"You could always marry me."
"No offense, mama. I've seen what happens to your husbands. It ain't pretty." (Sons of Anarchy, S06E11)
- Game of Thrones spoiler alert! (South Park, S17E08)
- "A wounded animal will rip you apart if it's cornered." (American Horror Story, S03E07)
- "Dump buddy Bible study." (The League, S05E12)
- Party Down reunion! (The League, S05E12)
- "Let's turn this G.I. Joe into G.I. Joe: Retaliation." (The League, S05E13)
"Now that I keep a kosher toilet kitchen, my life is amazing. No more live pig for this guy. Just dead pig, pig milk soup."
"You can't eat pig if you're kosher, and you can't eat a live pig ever."
"I was totally kidding. I don't eat any of that stuff. All I eat pretty much now is, like, shrimp and lobster." (The League, S05E13)
"Oh, God, what did you eat?"
"I ate a raw onion earlier that I found on the street." (The League, S05E13)
"Let's do it in the back."
"You're not even drunk."
"No, the back of the van!" (The League, S05E13)
- "This is gonna fulfill a fantasy I've had since I was on welfare. You're a fat black woman. You're really mad at me because I haven't been looking for a job." (The League, S05E13)
"You don't want to talk to that guy? He plays in the NFL."
"He's a linebacker. Skill positions only for Donna Meagle." (Parks and Recreation, S06E08)
- "So you're black. That must be interesting. Do you know – this is a shot in the dark – do you know Mercedes Jones?" (Glee, S05E06)
Greetings from Los Angeles, where, in what has become an annual tradition, I am sick on holiday. Last year, sick in Vegas. The year before, sick in Los Angeles again.
"Duke is playing now? But it's only… Oh. Right. Pacific Time."
I'm still re-acclimating.
Against my better judgment, I extended my stay through Thanksgiving Eve so I can catch a free advance screening of Inside Llewyn Davis.
Previously on Adam Riff™:
What began as an excursion down to Philly to try Drew's sandwich ballooned into an all-day food crawl, and the latest episode in the "Jon dines out with someone he just met in person for the first time" series.
S03E04: Jon and Hugo eat at Lukshon in Culver City (November 2013)
Hugo: My biggest fear is a terrorist attack in which someone leaks records of everyone's private digital activity.
This should be an episode of Black Mirror. Everyone's secrets become freely accessible. Explore the aftermath.
I found this at the Fairfax Goodwill:
Steven: how long you staying in los angeles?
Jon: one week.
Steven: ah, i thought you were moving in with jord.
Jon: [spit take] what? no, i'm visiting los angeles just for the hell of it. extemporaneous pre-holiday holiday.
Come eat with me. 650-515-6883.
thebomb.com guacamole, sea urchin, chicharrones
Pig Ear Nachos crema poblama, soft egg
Cheesy Churros butternut squash mole dip
46. Lance Reddick! (The Eric Andre Show, S02E07)
- Lady Gaga and R. Kelly! (Saturday Night Live, S39E06)
- "I want a magic vibrating club just like any other boy!" (Bob's Burgers, S04E04)
"I'm one semester away from graduating."
"Oh Pud, there are no jobs out there." (Bob's Burgers, S04E04)
- "Here's a magazine about jugs. Their secret is they love pottery?" (Bob's Burgers, S04E04)
- "You'll never get a better family dentist who's in your provider network!" (Bob's Burgers, S04E04)
"I will cut him from nave to chops."
"You'll find the meat tough, doctor." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E10)
- "A real man knows there's only one direction to face, and that's fucking forward." (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
- "April's different. She's a white person." (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
"You can fucking catch me dead before I goddamn go caroling, all right? That shit's for Christians and retards."
"You've got lonely eyes, Kenny. I can see it."
[scoffs] "Not lonely. Just went on a fucking coke binge last night. I'm tired." (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
- "Y'all are gonna sit here and cry about a wolf when I got Nobu catering this shit?" (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
- "Why are the kids wearing veils?" (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
- "My dick is a little bitch!" (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
- "Fame, fortune, power, titties – people say these are the most crucial things in life." (Eastbound and Down, S04E07)
"It wasn't as small as we were expecting."
"You wanted Anne Frank's place to be smaller?"
"In the book, she says how cramped it is. But it's actually quite spacious." (Hello Ladies, S01E07)
(China, IL, S02E08)
- "It's apocryphal what this man is telling these children." (Sleepy Hollow, S01E07)
- "I look like Arsenio." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E08)
(Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E08)
- "I thought I could handle my brown." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E08)
- "Guess who got a trainer? I'm gonna look like Barry Bonds." (New Girl, S03E08)
"It's easy as peanuts? That's not an expression."
"Peanuts is an acronym. PEANUTS stands for: Physical Education Activity Nuts." (New Girl, S03E07)
- "What's up, Jason Street?" (New Girl, S03E08)
"It says 'no MSG' on the menu. It also says it with the… What do you call the circle with the diagonal line?"
"It's the Ghostbusters thing."
"It says it with words, and it says it with the Ghostbusters thing." (New Girl, S03E08)
- "Chinese food menage." (New Girl, S03E08)
- "Ironside!" (New Girl, S03E08)
- "Thomas and Abel will not be raised by you. What you do now will determine how we deliver that message. 'Mommy moved away' or 'mommy passed away'?" (Sons of Anarchy, S06E10)
- "You think I did that? I look like the Taliban to you?" (American Horror Story, S03E06)
- "When I plant a fat ass cracker bitch, I expect her to stay planted." (American Horror Story, S03E06)
- "That's how Xbox people are." (South Park, S17E07)
- "Let these Sony fucks wallow in their limited voice control functionality." (South Park, S17E07)
- "Sony people don't think with logic." (South Park, S17E07)
- "You know what you get for pre-ordering a game? A big dick in your mouth." (South Park, S17E07)
- "Moist is the classy wet." (The League, S05E11)
"Get this. I just asked the DJ what R.E.M. albums he has. He's got Monster, but not Automatic for the People."
"I know! It's like, what is this, a mid-'90s party? No, it's an early '90s party." (Parks and Recreation, S06E06)
"You said you were like Chuck Norris."
"I am, but I'm like Chuck Norris now." (Parks and Recreation, S06E06)
(Parks and Recreation, S06E06)
- "No matter what happens, you will never acquire my thinking PJs, or my YouTube blazer." (Parks and Recreation, S06E07)
- "Our ratings are lower than the final episode of M*A*S*H." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E15)
- "You [Jim Gaffigan] have a very famous joke about crepes. I was wondering do you have any future jokes about other handheld foods?" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E15)
I saw a woman trying to exit a Party City with a bunch of inflated balloons contained in large plastic bags and thought, "That is pure waste – a waste of plastic, a waste of helium (a finite resource), a waste of ribbon, and a waste of latex that could be better used as condoms."
Balloons are luxurious garbage.
Party City is currently selling Thanksgiving party supplies.
Party City is an argument against a free market.
What's the deal with separate menus for dessert at restaurants?
I like to plot and price out a meal, but can't do that when a whole course is sequestered from me until I have crossed the Rubicon.
If, per Drew, restaurants list dessert separately so as not to overwhelm diners with information about a "different experience," then at least post your dessert menu alongside your main menu outside your restaurant.
I feel like restaurants worry that, if people know what desserts are available, they might save room for dessert and not order as much savoury food. Better instead to enable an obesity epidemic.
Nardwuar: Who are you?
Jon Yu: Jon Yu of the Blond Jews.
Nardwuar: Jon Yu, welcome to Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.
Jon Yu: My favourite city in the world.
Nardwuar: Right off the bat, I have a gift for you.
Jon Yu: Oh shit! A Captain Shiner ringer tee! How did you find this? It seemingly doesn't exist on the Internet.
Nardwuar: You were a big Primus fan in your youth.
Jon Yu: I…went through a Primus phase, yes. Only fan club I've ever joined.
Nardwuar: Was your Primus phase before or after your soundtrack phase?
Jon Yu: [pause] How do you know this stuff? Umm… It happened during. My soundtrack phase was more of a soundtrack era. I was an irrational collector of soundtracks – multiple Case Logic CD wallets. I'm probably the only person in the world who owns a copy of the Four Rooms soundtrack – you know, Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez… I've never seen the film.
Nardwuar: Speaking of soundtracks, what can you tell me about El Oso by your favourite band Soul Coughing?
Jon Yu: Heh. This is mental. Well, I read that Wes Anderson wrote screenplays around songs that he wanted to use, and thought it would be interesting if the soundtrack to a (non-musical) film was just an album by some band, and I conceived a film around Soul Coughing's El Oso. I can't believe you have it on vinyl.
Nardwuar: What is the film about?
Jon Yu: Oh, imagine if Ryan Murphy made Magnolia. It's titled Biology, because biology was my worst subject in school, and I wanted to forever taint it with my sordid film. I wanted people to associate biology with a dude needing a skin graft after over-masturbating while high on crack – among other things.
Nardwuar: Alright. Thanks so much, Jon Yu. Keep on rockin' in the free world, and doot doola doot doo…
Jon Yu: Doot doo.
45. Clay's sermon (Sons of Anarchy, S06E09)
- Van Alden in boss mode (Boardwalk Empire, S04E09)
- Water jetpack showdown (Eastbound and Down, S04E06)
- YouTube Challenge – I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy 2013 (Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11-04-13)
- Zoe's chainsaw massacre (American Horror Story, S03E05)
- OMGWTF"Applause" (Glee, S05E04)
- Fredro Starr raps after being injected with novocaine (The Eric Andre Show, S02E06)
"Why would you headbutt me?"
"I was gonna punch you, but I'm holding wine." (Bob's Burgers, S04E03)
- "I am relaxed." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E09)
- "Nobody messes with me, nobody messes with you, and nobody messes with Maria's titties." (Eastbound and Down, S04E06)
- "He never came inside that woman. After a few pumps, he withdrew his penis, and he started smashing it between the ring and the lid of the toilet for penance." (Eastbound and Down, S04E06)
- "God-damn woman! Throwing fuckin' mustard at me." (Eastbound and Down, S04E06)
- "My clitoris beat my vagina?" (Masters of Sex, S01E06)
"LBC. Wet dick posse."
"Ohhh. Sopping wet dicks. Yes, please." (Hello Ladies, S01E06)
"Why'd you come to LA, dog?"
"Uhh… I had to get out of England. Some shit went down."
"Yeah? What kind of shit?"
"Well, um, there was some, uhh, chaps, uhh, making, making trouble in my, in my, neighbourhood…" (Hello Ladies, S01E06)
- "Are you just watching us like we're Homeland?" (Fresh Meat, S03E01)
- "A lot of fat guy clothes have racist overtones." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E07)
"You and Malia broke up?"
"Yeah. She got real fat on me, so I was like, eww, bye."
"I guess her gain is our gain." (New Girl, S03E07)
- "For a chub, you're a terrible heavy." (New Girl, S03E07)
- "Is that Notorious N.A.G.? Is that Naggie Gyllenhaal?" (New Girl, S03E07)
- "Work trumps girls. Girls are replaceable, jobs are forever." (New Girl, S03E07)
- "If he can pee in Brazil, he can pee in my house." (New Girl, S03E07)
"You're drinking on a Tuesday and you are a teacher."
"Oh, those kids are watching a movie tomorrow." (New Girl, S03E07)
- "He's gonna get the whole precinct. This is a high income area. They're very bored in there." (New Girl, S03E07)
- "Serpentine!" (New Girl, S03E07)
- "This is your worst nightmare. There's a very good looking man in my bed, and he's naked, and I'm flushed, and I'm flustered. I might as well just spray paint 'Jay Cutler sucks!' on the wall and just round out the whole image." (New Girl, S03E07)
- Chucky and his kazoo (Sons of Anarchy, S06E09)
(South Park, S17E06)
(It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E10)
"When do you want me to serve the squash and the beef?"
"So we're literally serving squash and beef?"
"You said we're squashing beef. I thought it would be part of the ceremony to have squash and beef."
"Yeah, it's all about the ceremony. That's why I got this bucket of dirt and a hatchet, so we can have a ceremonial burying of the hatchet."
"Right, and after we do that, we're going to wipe the slate clean." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E10)
- "That was three pumps, and the rulebook says you cannot have more than two. Clearly three pumps." (Key and Peele, S03E08)
- "I'll take that ?uestlove down to a Kevin Hart in 20 minutes." (The League, S05E10)
"I kinda accidentally gave you the Skrillex."
"You shaved half of my pubes off?" (The League, S05E10)
- "It's gonna be three weeks before I get a Howie Long going. Another two years before I get my Polamalu back." (The League, S05E10)
(The League, S05E10)
- "And get me a Coke." (American Horror Story, S03E05)
- "You're one step up from the men who stand in front of Home Depot." (American Horror Story, S03E05)
- "I look like Siegfried and Roy." (Glee, S05E04)
- "It's called a 'swing gush.'" (The Greatest Event in Television History 3, 11-07-13)
- "As I said when I saw the bassist for the Pixies, it's a Deal." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E14)
Jon: Hey mommy.
Mom: He lives!
Mom: To what do I owe the pleasure?
Jon: I have a problem.
Jon: I… Uhhh… Heh. How do I say this? [clears throat] Bloody semen.
Jon: I, you know, aaaaaand it was bloody.
Mom: You ejaculated blood?! Like, a severed artery?
Jon: No! No… Picture…lightly-mixed cherry Fage yogurt.
Mom: Coming out of your urethra.
Jon: Erm, yes.
Mom: I told you to stop running so much.
Jon: Mommy, running doesn't make your penis bleed! You're thinking of nipples! I suspect it's another kidney stone.
Mom: Alright, well, Jimmy's dad is a urologist. I'll consult him.
Fissure of the nipple is also known as jogger's nipple, runner's nipple, red eleven, raver's nipple, big Q's, red nipple, stingers, weightlifter's nipple and gardener's nipple, athlete's nipple, or nipple chafe.
• Runner's knee
• Golfer's elbow
• Nintendo thumb
• Jogger's toe
• Surfer's ear
• Tennis elbow
• Tennis toe
• Turf toe
• Cello scrotum
Cello scrotum is a hoax medical condition originally published as a brief case report in the British Medical Journal in 1974.
The original letter was written by Dr Elaine Murphy but signed by her husband as a joke to compare with a previous letter regarding guitar nipple, a condition reportedly occurring when some styles of guitar playing excessively irritate the player's nipple, which Murphy and her husband believed was likely a joke.
• Coalworker's pneumoconiosis
• Radium jaw
• Jeep bottom
All-day meeting today.
2014 Grammy Awards Category changes
The Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance category will be renamed Best Metal Performance and becomes a stand-alone category. Hard rock performances will now be screened in the Best Rock Performance category.
R.I.P. hard rock, you taxonomic curiosity – the umami of music.
1995 Grammy Awards
Best Hard Rock Performance
Soundgarden – "Black Hole Sun"
Alice in Chains – "I Stay Away"
Beastie Boys – "Sabotage"
Green Day – "Longview"
Pearl Jam – "Go"
1995 MTV Video Music Awards
Best Metal/Hard Rock Video
White Zombie – "More Human Than Human"
Green Day – "Basket Case"
Meat Puppets – "We Don't Exist"
Stone Temple Pilots – "Interstate Love Song"
SAT Essay Prompt Idea: Is "Longview" by Green Day a hard rock song? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
1995 Grammy Awards
Best Alternative Music Performance
Green Day – Dookie
Tori Amos – Under the Pink
Crash Test Dummies – God Shuffled His Feet
Sarah McLachlan – Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Nine Inch Nails – The Downward Spiral
LOOK AT THIS FUCKING CATEGORY. Its nominees are alternatives to each other.
1995's Grammy winner for best alternative music album features the hard rock singles "Basket Case" and "Longview."
Rory: What is the big Thanksgiving film release this year?
Jon: Uhh… [consults Wikipedia] Heh. Oldboy.
Jon: Technically, it is a family film.
Jon: Homefront opens on Thanksgiving Eve too.
Rory: I just saw a preview for it. Jason Statham versus James Franco and Winona Ryder in the deep South? Fever dream.
Jon: I like how Jason Statham doesn't even try to do an American accent.
To explain this, the filmmakers have [Statham's character] starting with the DEA as a British Interpol agent. [source]
Jon: You know, I don't think I've ever heard Jason Statham do an American accent.
Rory: In Parker, he does a hilarious Texas accent.
Jon: [consults YouTube] Jennifer Lopez is in Parker?!
Jon: French-dubbed Jason Statham sounds remarkably like Jason Statham.
Comedy Sketch Idea: Jason Statham auditions for Saturday Night Live.
Game Idea: Six Degrees of Jason Statham.
Stone Cold Steve Austin is in The Expendables with Jason Statham.
The Rock is in Fast and Furious 6/7 with Jason Statham.
Triple H is in Blade: Trinity with Wesley Snipes, who is in The Expendables 3 with Jason Statham.
Mick Foley is in Anamorph with Willem Dafoe, who is in xXx: State of the Union with Ice Cube, who is in Ghosts of Mars with Jason Statham.
The Big Show is in Jingle All the Way with Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is in The Expendables 1/2/3 with Jason Statham.
I can tie at least 50 wrestlers to Jason Statham – easy.
Rory: On this poster for Homefront, why is an American flag superimposed on his shirt? He's just protecting his daughter from meth-heads. It's not Red Dawn.