Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

43. Precious masturbates to a minotaur (American Horror Story, S03E03)

Honourable Mention

  • Trail of Pigs (The Walking Dead, S04E02)
  • Madame LaLaurie reacts to Obama (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • Sideline Interview (Key and Peele, S03E06)
  • Ranch It Up! (The Eric Andre Show, S02E04)
  • Road Trip (The Birthday Boys, S01E02)

Stray Observations

  • "Because of my martial arts training, my muscles are attuned to excel at oriental activities." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "The dick wants to be a hunk." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "That's some Amores Perros right there, motherfucker." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Why are you taking me onto the set of City of God, man?" (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Everyone loves poor black kids – Diff'rent Strokes, Dangerous Minds, Urkel… White guilt, man. Get with the program."
    "No, I know. Box office returns on Blind Side were huge." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Polyester pleats? You fuckin' jackass!" (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "I need your linguistics to be on point. Talk about finances. Talk about ancient affairs. Industrialism. I need you to be the fuckin' Bill O'Reilly with tits in there." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "The bell is for symbolisms." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Kemosabe, you're showing brain." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Breast cancer…for teens." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Fuckin' George Washington didn't do shit. He can suck my fuckin' dick. I fuckin' hate that faggot." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)
  • "Mortals falter. Kings act. And the mortal who acts… Well, that motherfucker becomes king." (Eastbound and Down, S04E04)

(Eastbound and Down, S04E04)

  • "I'm inspired a lot by the fashions of Adrien Brody." (Hello Ladies, S01E04)
  • "When does a gay man become a faggot? When he leaves the room." (Hello Ladies, S01E04)
  • "How did we end up in this bed together like dick-touching Jonas brothers?" (China, IL, S02E05)
  • "Take your face back to Mordor." (China, IL, S02E05)
  • "You find this surprising?! She was fucking a roach." (China, IL, S02E05)

Academy Award winner Octavia Spencer (Mom, S01E05)

  • "Let me guess. You are…dumpy Chuck Norris."
    "No, I'm–"
    "Dumpy Ron Weasley."
    "You guys, stop it. He put thought into his costume, and he is obviously Miranda from Sex and the City."
    "Guys, I'm Mario Batali! Molto Mario? Celebrity chef? Ginger prince of Little Italy?"
    "Is he also a homeless troll doll? 'Cause you look like a homeless troll doll."
    "Eric Stoltz from Mask."
    "I'll take it."
    "We need two undercovers at the DeKalb Street warehouse party. Boyle, you're already in costume as, uh, Joy Behar?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E06)
  • "Mrs. Schmidt wrote that little fat loser a letter of support from the star of his favorite movie, Batman, but not the confusing new one, the good one, with Michael Keaton." (New Girl, S03E06)
  • Slow-loading image of half-naked woman in flashback (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "I guess I'll just always be the fat boy who eats fat boy cheese." (New Girl, S03E06)
  • Winston as David Letterman (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "Hey, Winston, by the way, great costume. Maya Angelou." (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "That is Michael Keaton. Why is he wearing his costume from the movie he did 24 years ago?"
    "If he wore the outfit from Clean and Sober, you wouldn't recognize him." (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "" (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "You don't need Keaton. You got me."
    [shudders] "What was that?"
    "I'm so sorry…"
    "Why would you say something like that?! The end of a high school football movie?" (New Girl, S03E06)
  • "My family… We judge and we hate, and when we have scorched every earth and we're all used up, we die – miserably." (Sons of Anarchy, S06E07)
  • Tara! (Sons of Anarchy, S06E07)
  • Joshua James – "Crash This Train (Acoustic)" (Sons of Anarchy, S06E07)
  • "I've got the power to fuck powers out of people. Now I've got a chance to use my cock for good." (Misfits, S05E01)
  • "I was shagging the devil out of you." (Misfits, S05E01)
  • RT: "There are a lot of things I'm not enjoying about MODERN FAMILY, but Lily suddenly being able to do comedy almost makes up for them." (Modern Family, S05E06)
  • The episode seems like an excuse to play "Seven" by Sunny Day Real Estate on television (South Park, S17E04)

(American Horror Story, S03E03)

  • RT: "AHS is wrong. Semen can't boil. It has no boiling point bcuz the protein in it would cause it to solidify when heated." (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • "Dr. Phil says that kids from broken homes use food to replace love. It's comforting."
    "Well, I think you best look for a new physician." (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • "Get back to work before I smack you, slave." (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • "Slave, wait!" (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • "This coven doesn't need another Supreme. It needs a new rug." (American Horror Story, S03E03)
  • Pacific Rim reunion (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E08)
  • "The good of the scorpion is not the good of the frog, yes?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E08)
  • "At long last, the day has come. We have the means, the understanding, the technology…to allow spiders to talk with cats!!!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E08)
  • "No lipstick."
    "Nothing happening."
    "Not even a pig in a blanket." (The League, S05E08)
  • "I am not a wine cooler. At the very least, I am a top-shelf box wine." (The League, S05E08)
  • "I don't want to go to dehab! I'm reading The Corrections. I have to finish it! I don't know how it ends!" (The League, S05E08)

(The League, S05E08)

  • "Statutory rape!" (The Eric Andre Show, S02E04)
  • "Don't be mulatto right now, dude." (The Eric Andre Show, S02E04)


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