New words for old desires

Hello from Toronto.

Flight Attendant: Who won the game last night?
Jon: Uhh… The Broncos? I don't… Which game?
Flight Attendant: The Red Sox game.

People keep mistaking my UCLA "B" fitted for a Red Sox hat.

Why would I buy a powder blue Red Sox hat?!

I saw this ad in WestJet's in-flight magazine:

"Fly into our office without teeth."

Jon: Is stuff in Canada also translated into French because of Quebec?
Ben: Yes.
Jon: So Quebec is like the vegetarian at Canada's dinner party – gotta accommodate it.
Ben: More like the vegan.

Oof. I feel…

This is my first trip in a while during which I haven't worked out for one to three hours each day¹ to offset adventures in eating. That seemingly half of all Canadian food is deep-fried isn't helping.

¹ This time last year, I was in Las Vegas. 200 laps in the Venetian's pool each morning, followed by weight machines.

Within a one-kilometre radius of where I type this is a war-themed burger joint (The Burgernator), a gangster-themed burger joint (Gangster Burger), and a religion-themed burger joint (The Burger's Priest).

Burgre joint?

I saw this ad on FX Canada:

The Project: Guatemala
Nine privileged twentysomethings believe they've been chosen for a six-week trip of a lifetime. Expectations will be shattered as they're faced with the daunting task of building a centre for orphans.

Men's haircuts in Toronto Chinatown are only $6. For the price of one haircut in New York City, I can get 2.43 haircuts in Toronto. Haircut exchange rate. HER?

Jon: Goddammit!

Previously on Adam Riff™:
Daniel: Might want to invest in an apron.
Jon: I know. I just— I brush my teeth with my mouth open, and the toothpaste, you know, foams, and sometimes that foam…drips. But hey, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to shoot one of two identical Jon Yus, the real Jon Yu will have white stains on his clothes.

And if the toothpaste contains a whitening agent and you don't treat stains immediately, well, [sigh] you're fucked.

I saw this letter in a local alt-weekly:

World-class mayors don't arm wrestle

I just returned from Chicago. This is a city that has had some good hands on the tiller. The downtown is stunning, with new architecture that pays homage to the older buildings. The waterfront is all public land, with bike paths everywhere, including under the adjoining freeway.

People stop by the downtown park after work in their thousands, bringing a picnic and a bottle of wine to enjoy an amazing symphonic concert or some jazz provided by the city. Then they get on an advanced public transit system that takes them to one of the many great downtown neighbourhoods where they live.

The people who work on the transit system act as ambassadors for the city, not as folks whose boring day is being interrupted by paying customers. This, my friends, is a world-class city.

A mayor arm-wrestling Hulk Hogan, and mixed up kids getting gunned down by our protectors ranks us somewhere below Fort MacMoney and slightly above… well, I can't quite come up with a place right now that I dare insult.

Grass is always greener, heh.

To be fair, the deep-frying in Toronto is legitimately world-class.

Deep Fried Spaghetti and Meatball – Pasta, Roma tomato sauce, and fresh mozzarella are deep fried in a red lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuit.

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