Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

39. Bad Boys (The League, S05E04)

"Television Episode of the Year" nominee.

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • RT: "Michael C Hall has the unique distinction of acting in the best series finale (Six Feet Under) and the worst." (Dexter, S08E12)
  • Terrible stuff I love: Whenever Tyler Florence says "Let's get rolling!" on The Great Food Truck Race (S04E06)
  • RT: "Can we take away Emmys? Because Breaking Bad just let Bob Odenkirk lift empty luggage, and it's not okay." (Breaking Bad, S05E15)
  • General Gilligan's march to the sea (Breaking Bad, S05E15)
  • "Here are two pictures: One is your locker, the other is a garbage dump in the Philippines." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S01E02)
  • "Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing."
    "That's the only thing in the world I know to be true." (New Girl, S03E02)

Laura's cubism-inspired make-up (Face Off, S05E07)

  • Terrible stuff I love: CCH Pounder's wig (Sons of Anarchy, S06E03)
  • Nolan Gould hit puberty (Modern Family, S05E01)
  • RT: "That tape made me start questioning the show's timeline, since I was thinking they've been using 1 tape for almost a decade, but it's less time? They're about 28 in the 1st season but should be about 33 by the end of the 7th for their high school reunion. Season 5 ends late 2009, because of the World Series. Plus, season 6 takes place over almost a year, while season 7 into episode 3 of season 8 all took place over the course of like 2-3 months (according to Mac in the Gang Gets Analyzed). I think it all works if season 1 and 2 are in 2006, but who even knows man." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E04)
  • Watch Charlie Day Yank Off Danny DeVito's Undies (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E04)
  • Dana White? (The League, S05E04)
  • "I'm never gonna forget the last thing I said to him, man. I said, 'Spaz, you can't fit the whole thing in your mouth.' And he said, 'Aarrgghhhaauugh.'" (The League, S05E04)
  • "Here we are at the Grand Canyon, jerking off. Just another of our 'Cumming on America' series." (The League, S05E04)
  • "I'm not your type?! I'm everyone's type! My junk is like O positive blood – it's universally compatible!" (The League, S05E04)
  • "I got blue clues!" (The League, S05E04)
  • "The Accused? The movie? It's only like the greatest romantic comedy ever made! It's like Sleepless in Seattle meets The Proposal meets non-consensual sex." (The League, S05E04)
  • The pinball machine is emitting my mobile's ringtone and it's disorienting (The League, S05E04)
  • The imagery in Linder's scenes (The Bridge, S01E12)
  • "Enjoy the fact that your royal overlords are a frail old woman and a tiny baby." (Parks and Recreation, S06E01)

(Parks and Recreation, S06E02)

  • "You better call the cops, 'cause I just committed assault and vinegar." (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E10)
  • "Do you have any strains of hepatitis?"
    "It's pronounced 'herpes,' and no." (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E10)
  • "We'd now like to invite all foreign passengers who have not yet been called to ignore us and try boarding anyway." (Saturday Night Live, S39E01)


Star Wars and sandwiches

Double Dare We Say It – A Nickelodeon Historical Celebration
On September 27 at 7 pm ET, Marc Summers will bring together creators, stars, writers, producers and musicians from such classic 80s/90s Nick shows as You Can't Do That on Television, Double Dare, Salute Your Shorts, The Ren & Stimpy Show, Doug, The Adventures of Pete and Pete, Clarissa Explains It All, Nick Arcade, Welcome Freshmen, Wild & Crazy Kids and Hey Dude. Many of these guests haven't been together since these shows aired.

I don't remember Welcome Freshmen.

Live music will be provided by Double Dare composer Edd Kalehoff.

Bringing it all together is master-of-ceremonies Mathew Klickstein, author of Slimed: An Oral History of Nickelodeon's Golden Age.

Hmm… I could attend in person, but I would need assurance that Phil Moore is one of the guests.

I feel like Garfield and Friends is under-nostalgized. I know it's uncool to say anything positive about Garfield, but the cartoon was a staple of Saturday mornings.

Idea: An oral history of VH1's I Love… series.

On Tuesday, October 1st at 8PM, the Elinor Bunin Munroe Film Center will host a free-to-the-public event discussing the music of GTAV, moderated by Ryan Schreiber, founder of Pitchfork Media. [source]

Who is the audience for this?

Adam Riff™ Mailbag

Larvelle Jones writes:
Jon, have you ever walked out of a film?

Yes, James Toback's Black and White.

I've sat through worse films, but… I don't know what overcame me. Elijah Wood and the Wu-Tang Clan… I just couldn't.

I think I walked out of Idle Hands too – you know, Seth Green and Devon Sawa – but I may be remembering Derek Chow saying that he walked out of Idle Hands.

Does stopping a DVD count as walking out? Because I stopped BASEketball.

I wanted to love BASEketball – Trey and Matt plus David Zucker?! – but I did not feel it AT ALL.

Oh and at a sleepover birthday party for my childhood mate George (R.I.P.), I walked out of his living room during this scene in Terminator 2 and played Super Mario World in his parents' bedroom until the film ended. For some reason, my nine-year-old self could not handle the final act of Terminator 2.


*important* Let me make it clear that the bathroom DOES NOT work. And I DONT plan on fixing it. I like it the way it is. That's how my father was and that's who I'm gonna be!

I've been here since Jan 2011 up from Seattle for some quiet time trying to get A) some papers ready on what I believe is a new paradigm related to super string theory. Need to finish a computer program to help check and generalize about 25 notebooks (8×10) worth of calculations. Subsequently B) do a book on some statistical data involving 14,000 data sets in microbiology.

One person who stayed here previously opened her heart chakra doing yoga. She was working as a regional director of Snohomish & Skagit county for Ron Paul's presidential campaign. Enjoyed her stay here. Perhaps because both of our hearts were open.

Personally I do believe in remote healing having experimented with remote diagnosis of patients in a workshop under the Silva Mind Control Method based on electronic frequency waves.

Have done some paintings in the spirit of van Gogh, Picasso, Matse, Chagl, Miro, El reco, Dali etc. This led to Willem de Koenig & Franz Kline type abstract paintings, being a pure mathematician, and finally to composing live auora (as in ethereal dynamic aurora borealis moving in the night sky).

The streets I know will never take me anywhere but here

Previously on Adam Riff™:

I decided to leave Los Angeles and move to either Seattle or Chicago. I chose Chicago. My mother asked a fortune teller to assess my future. "You're best-suited to live in the northwest – Seattle, Oregon, Vancouver."

I work in Manhattan, but sleep every night on a couch in someone's living room.

—Going forward, where do you want to live, Jon? You've been very accommodating to me, relocating to the east coast and whatnot, and so I will accommodate you wherever you wish to live.

Ever since we converted his apartment into a home office, my boss has been gently trying to kick me out.

—Do you want to live in Brooklyn? I don't know if you want to return to the Bay Area…

I want, more than anything, to live in the Pacific time zone, but I just don't think it's practical.

The median selling price of a house in Detroit right now is $13,556.

I'd like to live in a house, and I wouldn't have to worry about finding a job, and…casinos, but I'm terrified of driving in snow.

Tony: if you want to come check it out, let me know and you can stay at my place

Every few months, I dally with moving to Seattle, and every few months, Tony offers a place to stay.

I turn 31 in two weeks. Maybe it's time. What's that quote from Inception? "Do you want to become an old man, filled with regret?"

Chris: you know it snows every 2 or 3 years here
Chris: and the hills make it terrifying to drive in


[looks at houses in Oregon]

Devil Jon: Seattle? Oregon? You turn 31 in two weeks. Do you want to become a cold man, filled with regret?
Jon: Where, then? San Diego? Seal Beach? Back to Los Angeles?

I've dallied with moving back to Los Angeles, but I'm terrified of parking in Southern California.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

38. Pickwell's Memorial (Bad Education, S02E03)

Honourable Mention

  • Knife Fight (Breaking Bad, S05E14)
  • Brad Culpepper does math (Survivor, S27E01)
  • June Diane Raphael imitates everybody (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E09)
  • Worst Presentation Ever (Shark Tank, S05E01)

Stray Observations

(Breaking Bad, S05E14)

(Breaking Bad, S05E14)

  • "I watched Jane die." (Breaking Bad, S05E14)
  • RT: "My wife had a lot of problems with Skyler letting Walt leave with the baby. She said, 'Any mom punches the window and breaks it.' She didn't try to open the door. There was no real urgency. And when Walt's pulling out, she's like, 'I would've jumped on the car.'"
  • "Mr. Thompson is part of everything. He is in the sky and the sea. He is in the dreams of children at night. He is all that there is. Forever." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E02)
  • RT: "'You know what I saw? A servant pretending to be a king.' Narcisse basically called Chalky the Jay-Z of Atlantic City." (Boardwalk Empire, S04E02)
  • "She's done a Klaxons and vanished without a trace." (Bad Education, S02E03)
  • "I will Point Break style this moment!" (New Girl, S03E01)
  • Winston wearing a hoodie as pants. (New Girl, S03E01)
  • "If you think those shoes are brown, what colour do you think you are?" (New Girl, S03E01)
  • RT: "I was prepared for a last minute salvation of Gus, but then the way they play it, the way they force Sonya to use her worst skill (lying) in the most cruel way…it was almost Shakespearean." (The Bridge, S01E11)
  • "Black bars don't win awards." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E03)
  • "Being single is the RedZone channel." (The League, S05E03)
  • Noting that you just parodied Steinbeck undercuts your parody. (Key and Peele, S03E01)
  • "We can graft one person's face onto another person's face."
    "Great idea! Then I can finally get the face of Tilda Swinton!" (Childrens Hospital, S05E09)
  • Skinny Pete and Bubbles! (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E09)


Wait for the year to drown

The Other Takes of Charlie's Song (from "The Gang Tries Desperately to Win an Award")

Charlie Day for Mojave Tent 2014.

In Vinnie Jones: Russia's Toughest, the former football hard man turned Hollywood strong-arm goes head-to-head with men whose fearsome reputations enable them to handle some of the toughest jobs in Russia.

In a series of six missions that span a vast and volatile land, Vinnie faces the dirty and dangerous worlds of the Train Driver, Bodyguard, Trawler man, Construction Worker, Poacher Warden and Cowboy.

So it's Dirty Jobs, in Russia, with Juggernaut. [pause] Who conceived this?

—What else does National Geographic Channel UK air?
Fish Tank Kings?

[googles "Fish Tank Kings wiki"]

—There are TWO shows on television about people who build aquariums?!

Season 4 (2013):

In Vegas, a hat making company wants a giant koi pond that looks like a top hat.

A Florida medical facility desires a tank in the shape of a syringe.

I wait in 4/4 time

Jackie Chan plans to build a theme park in Beijing.

The two square kilometre park, named JC World, will have five main paths, each with a separate theme, and aims to give visitors a variety of cultural experiences.

Chan said he will exhibit numerous items from his personal collections, such as special furniture and jewellery, at the park.

Chan will also be donating the remaining Chinese antique buildings he had purchased and restored over the years to the park. [source]

We are 30 days away from the release of Special ID.

I could not be more hyped to see it.

Donnie Yen and Collin Chou's climactic fight is being kept under wraps. If it's anything like their climactic fight in Flash Point, though… Same action choreographer too.

Tony Jaa's return to cinema, Tom Yum Goong 2 (The Protector 2), opens five days later.

I'm not keen on its use of CGI, but it's got RZA saying, "You've become a pain in my ass over your fuckin' little elephant."

Spring forward, fall back down

As he drove away from the airport, my [black] taxi driver switched the radio from Hot 97 to NPR.

I wanted to tell him, "You know, I like Rosenberg," but maybe he wanted to listen to Morning Edition?

A sign posted in Toronto streetcars:

Every day? So much for Canadians being nice.

Methinks TTC workers would be assaulted less frequently if there was at least one subway line running east-west south of Bloor.

Good thing healthcare is free!

A problem on buses is passengers not moving toward the rear and creating a logjam at the front when people board.

Idea: Replace the aisle in a bus with a conveyer belt that gradually moves backward, like the floor of a rotating restaurant.

3 best airports to be stuck in
Vancouver International Airport (YVR). You'll find the YVR Aquarium with more than 800 varieties of local marine life. Additionally, there's five spas, shoe and luggage repair, a dry cleaner, pharmacy and medical clinic.

A dry cleaner?

Rory: Vancouver International Cruise Ship.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

37. Chekhov's Treadmill (Dexter, S08E10)

The nadir of television this year.

Honourable Mention

  • To'hajiilee shootout (Breaking Bad, S05E13)
  • Cuckolding sting (Boardwalk Empire, S04E01)
  • School shooting (Sons of Anarchy, S06E01)
  • Toasts to Andre (The League, S05E02)
  • "I Snacked a Snack" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E10)

Stray Observations

(Breaking Bad, S05E13)

  • Michael! (Top Boy, S02E04)
  • "You're a stupid whore." (Sons of Anarchy, S06E01)
  • I thought Tig was gonna rape the Persian he drowned in pee, not pee on him (Sons of Anarchy, S06E01)
  • AIDS-stricken Ted smearing the volleyball with fake blood (The League, S05E02)
  • Adam Brody opening a door to reveal a second door and yelling "SHIT!" (The League, S05E02)
  • "The patient has Draculas!" (Childrens Hospital, S05E08)
  • Robert Forster! (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E08)


New words for old desires

Hello from Toronto.

Flight Attendant: Who won the game last night?
Jon: Uhh… The Broncos? I don't… Which game?
Flight Attendant: The Red Sox game.

People keep mistaking my UCLA "B" fitted for a Red Sox hat.

Why would I buy a powder blue Red Sox hat?!

I saw this ad in WestJet's in-flight magazine:

"Fly into our office without teeth."

Jon: Is stuff in Canada also translated into French because of Quebec?
Ben: Yes.
Jon: So Quebec is like the vegetarian at Canada's dinner party – gotta accommodate it.
Ben: More like the vegan.

Oof. I feel…

This is my first trip in a while during which I haven't worked out for one to three hours each day¹ to offset adventures in eating. That seemingly half of all Canadian food is deep-fried isn't helping.

¹ This time last year, I was in Las Vegas. 200 laps in the Venetian's pool each morning, followed by weight machines.

Within a one-kilometre radius of where I type this is a war-themed burger joint (The Burgernator), a gangster-themed burger joint (Gangster Burger), and a religion-themed burger joint (The Burger's Priest).

Burgre joint?

I saw this ad on FX Canada:

The Project: Guatemala
Nine privileged twentysomethings believe they've been chosen for a six-week trip of a lifetime. Expectations will be shattered as they're faced with the daunting task of building a centre for orphans.

Men's haircuts in Toronto Chinatown are only $6. For the price of one haircut in New York City, I can get 2.43 haircuts in Toronto. Haircut exchange rate. HER?

Jon: Goddammit!

Previously on Adam Riff™:
Daniel: Might want to invest in an apron.
Jon: I know. I just— I brush my teeth with my mouth open, and the toothpaste, you know, foams, and sometimes that foam…drips. But hey, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to shoot one of two identical Jon Yus, the real Jon Yu will have white stains on his clothes.

And if the toothpaste contains a whitening agent and you don't treat stains immediately, well, [sigh] you're fucked.

I saw this letter in a local alt-weekly:

World-class mayors don't arm wrestle

I just returned from Chicago. This is a city that has had some good hands on the tiller. The downtown is stunning, with new architecture that pays homage to the older buildings. The waterfront is all public land, with bike paths everywhere, including under the adjoining freeway.

People stop by the downtown park after work in their thousands, bringing a picnic and a bottle of wine to enjoy an amazing symphonic concert or some jazz provided by the city. Then they get on an advanced public transit system that takes them to one of the many great downtown neighbourhoods where they live.

The people who work on the transit system act as ambassadors for the city, not as folks whose boring day is being interrupted by paying customers. This, my friends, is a world-class city.

A mayor arm-wrestling Hulk Hogan, and mixed up kids getting gunned down by our protectors ranks us somewhere below Fort MacMoney and slightly above… well, I can't quite come up with a place right now that I dare insult.

Grass is always greener, heh.

To be fair, the deep-frying in Toronto is legitimately world-class.

Deep Fried Spaghetti and Meatball – Pasta, Roma tomato sauce, and fresh mozzarella are deep fried in a red lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuit.

The best parts of lonely

Parshat Ki Teitzei…

"If two men, a man and his brother, are fighting, and the wife of one of them approaches to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she stretches forth her hand and grabs hold of his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. You shall not have pity."

Today marks the 13th anniversary of Adam Riff™.

I'm not sure it's something to celebrate.

Anyhow, we beat on, boats against the current.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

36. Honeymoon (Futurama, S07E26)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "You [Jonah Hill] have come a long way from just being Sonny and Cher's daughter." (The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco, 09-02-13)
  • "Aziz can't stay all night, he's gotta get back in the cupboard." (The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco, 09-02-13)
  • "The room is buzzing tonight, and not just from the flies around Aziz's relatives." (The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco, 09-02-13)
  • "How 'bout a hand for James' grandma, 91 years old. 127 hours is how long she has left." (The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco, 09-02-13)

(Bad Education, S02E01)

  • "Let's discuss this over a ham salad." (The Bridge, S01E09)
  • Dee's sound effects (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E01)
  • Idea: Landslide opens for Bill Burr (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S09E01)
  • "You can never leave. It's like the Hotel California, but with more teeth and pus."
    "Wasn't the Hotel California kind of a sad pus-y place?"
    "Okay, it's exactly like the Hotel California." (The League, S05E01)
  • "You just checked in…to the hotel."
    "Spaz, we've moved on!" (The League, S05E01)
  • "S.A.M.'s battery is down to what we call 'milk percentages.'" (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E07)
  • Argo end credits parody (NTSF:SD:SUV, S03E07)



I was researching places to eat at in Toronto and stumbled upon this:

foie gras on bone marrow with strawberry compote, peanuts, and marshmallow fluff

And you eat it like that. No bread.

The same restaurant previously offered a dish called The Gout – two dozen smoked oysters stuffed inside a de-boned sea trout, which was then stuffed inside a de-boned baby goat and roasted by charcoal.

Stand for something or die in the morning

DIY Network's latest Vanilla Ice series sends the renovating rapper to Amish country

LATEST Vanilla Ice series

where he learns all about hand craftsmanship, barn building and brotherly bonding. Vanilla Ice Goes Amish will premiere Saturday, Oct. 12.

Other new DIY Network shows include Rev Run's Project, which follows Joseph "Reverend Run" Simmons as he renovates his 9,000-square-foot New Jersey home, and Daryl's Restoration Over-Hall Project, which features Hall & Oates' Daryl Hall renovating his 1700s Connecticut home.

What should we call this burgeoning genre? County fair repair?

Rory: Celebrity rehab.

DIY Network's latest Rev Run series sends the renovating rapper to Amish country. Raising Barns. "Kings from Queens from teens rumspring."

New Cribs on the Block.