Washington, D.C.'s street layout was designed to confuse invading armies. [source]

Or aggravate.

» Union Station » Washington, D.C.

How do cabs in our nation's capital not accept credit cards?

Like the one for MetroCards in New York City, the $1 surcharge for paper Metrorail farecards is such bullshit.

Visitors to D.C. need, like, a lobbyist – a D.C. visitors union.

I love how bitchy D.C. Metro's ads are.

» Silver Spring, MD

Cheesy Bacon Tater Tots (Quarry House Tavern)
Old Bay Tater Tots (Quarry House Tavern)

Boy, patrons of this basement bar do NOT like Virginians. "Hicks," "dummies"…

Is Maryland vs. Virginia a rivalry? When I think of Maryland, I think Duke, and when I think of Virginia, I think Virginia Tech. If Maryland vs. Virginia is a rivalry, then it's definitely more Utah vs. Colorado than Washington vs. Oregon.

» Clarendon » Arlington, VA

Coffee Toffee Cookie (Northside Social)
Chocolate Coffee Orange Marmalade Tart (Northside Social)

Came for the Salted Cashew, Date, and White Chocolate Cookie, left with other goods.

» H Street » Washington, D.C.

Fowl Play Sandwich (Woodward Takeout Food)
smoked turkey, chopped chicken liver, turkey bacon, duck cracklings, pickled red onions, arugula, multigrain bread

It somehow lacked flavour.

I was tempted to order this too:

Porky Pig Sandwich (Woodward Takeout Food)
pâté, roast pork loin, surryano ham, smoked ham, bacon aïoli, gruyère, pickles, pommery mustard, toasted baguette

» Gallery Place-Chinatown » Washington, D.C.

Free association: A "one-word subtitle for wordy foreign dialogue" joke.

So that's Chinese for "Fuddruckers." The more you know.

"Fudds in the City."

E: Shhh. Be vewy vewy quiet. [rapes woman]

A party of four stops me.

"Excuse me, sir. [black people always call me 'sir,' for some reason] Can you name all the faces on cash, from a one-dollar bill to a 100-dollar bill?"

"Uhh…"

I couldn't even name one.

I was gonna at least answer "Lincoln on the five," but they threw me off by offering Lincoln as the first answer.

Is Lincoln on the one? He's on the penny…

Also, I should've known that Benjamin Franklin is on the 100, because…that Puff Daddy song.

Saturday / 12:12 a.m.

"Do you know where we can get food around here at this hour?"
"Uhh… McDonald's?"

Downtown D.C. and the National Mall are curiously dead at night. It's like you rented them out.