Another 48 Hours

Tuesday

[flushes urinal]

Was my urine red?

[…]

[flushes urinal]

My urine is red.

Jon: I think I have a urinary tract infection.
Rory: What? How…? Have you been humping feces?

Jon: I don't have time to search for a physician in New York City. And what if it's nothing? Last time I visited an urgent care centre, they charged me $500 to tell me I had the flu. And that was with insurance! I can ride this out.
Arvind: No, Jon, you can't ride it out. It's an infection that can spread up to your kidneys and become pyelonephritis, which is really serious.
Jon: [sigh]

Bollocks. The free clinic is only open on Saturdays.


Wednesday

INT. NYU MEDICAL CENTRE

1:00 a.m.

Triage Nurse: I'm gonna measure your vital signs.
[…]
Triage Nurse: Whoa. Are you a runner?
Jon: I run a lot, yes, but just to offset what a wreak as a foodie.

Hey, Jon. What's up? Oh, just cleaning my glans with a moist towelette before peeing into a cup.

1:30 a.m.

Hey, Jon. What's up? Oh, just having my testicles fondled by a stranger.

2:00 a.m.

Doctor: You appear to be in good health,

Well, I AM a runner…

Doctor: but your urine contains traces of blood. I ordered a CT scan for kidney stones.

Jon: Is a CT scan the one where they attach shit to your chest?
Pepe: No, that's an EKG. A CT scan is the Stargate.

Guh. $$$$

3:00 a.m.

An orderly enters the waiting area with a wheelchair.

Orderly: Jonathan Yu?
Jon: Yes.
Orderly: Have a seat.

Jon: You know, I can WALK down to the radiology floor…
Orderly: Hospital policy.

3:30 a.m.

Radiologist: [via speaker] Okay. Take a deep breath. Now exhale.
Radiologist: Hmmph.
Radiologist: Can you pull your pants down some more?

4:30 a.m.

Nurse: You have a 2mm kidney stone.
Nurse: Please begin peeing through this strainer so we can identify what caused the stone.
Nurse: And here are prescriptions for Flomax and Percocet.

Nurse: I need to check your vitals before discharging you.
[…]
Nurse: Whoa. Your heart rate. Are you an athlete?
Jon: [blushes]


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