Was my urine red?
My urine is red.
Jon: I think I have a urinary tract infection.
Rory: What? How…? Have you been humping feces?
Jon: I don't have time to search for a physician in New York City. And what if it's nothing? Last time I visited an urgent care centre, they charged me $500 to tell me I had the flu. And that was with insurance! I can ride this out.
Arvind: No, Jon, you can't ride it out. It's an infection that can spread up to your kidneys and become pyelonephritis, which is really serious.
Bollocks. The free clinic is only open on Saturdays.
INT. NYU MEDICAL CENTRE
Triage Nurse: I'm gonna measure your vital signs.
Triage Nurse: Whoa. Are you a runner?
Jon: I run a lot, yes, but just to offset what a wreak as a foodie.
Hey, Jon. What's up? Oh, just cleaning my glans with a moist towelette before peeing into a cup.
Hey, Jon. What's up? Oh, just having my testicles fondled by a stranger.
Doctor: You appear to be in good health,
Well, I AM a runner…
Doctor: but your urine contains traces of blood. I ordered a CT scan for kidney stones.
Jon: Is a CT scan the one where they attach shit to your chest?
Pepe: No, that's an EKG. A CT scan is the Stargate.
An orderly enters the waiting area with a wheelchair.
Orderly: Jonathan Yu?
Orderly: Have a seat.
Jon: You know, I can WALK down to the radiology floor…
Orderly: Hospital policy.
Radiologist: [via speaker] Okay. Take a deep breath. Now exhale.
Radiologist: Can you pull your pants down some more?
Nurse: You have a 2mm kidney stone.
Nurse: Please begin peeing through this strainer so we can identify what caused the stone.
Nurse: And here are prescriptions for Flomax and Percocet.
Nurse: I need to check your vitals before discharging you.
Nurse: Whoa. Your heart rate. Are you an athlete?