New York City's Rooftop Films announced its summer 2013 line-up. It features some films that Adam Riff™ has blindly championed – Awful Nice, The Dirties, The 12 O'Clock Boys – as well as Jord's film, The Kings of Summer.

RE: The Kings of Summer
Aren't they a little old to be running away from home to live in the woods?

I myself have been working on a film that will premiere this June. Should I be listed as Jonathan Yu (III) or Jon Yu (II) on IMDb?

Jram: What's your middle name?
Jon: Dong.
Jram: Oh.
Jon: Jono Yu? Jonah Yu. Nathan Yu.
Jram: Nathan (IV) Yu.

I've been in New York City for about four months now, and it still feels like an Inception sub-level. Just waiting for the kick back to the west coast.

I passed a homeless woman today reading a book. If you're begging for money, I feel that you should put some effort into it. Look the part. Inspire me to donate beyond your sign.

Idea: A Survivor season with all homeless contestants. Similar living situation, but on a beach, and with the opportunity to win one million dollars.

Some Survivor fans have long wished for a season set in a cold climate. How about said all homeless one? Producers wouldn't have to fret over clothing covering up attractive bodies.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

17. Scorched Earth (Game of Thrones, S03E04)

Honourable Mention

  • New signals (Veep, S02E02)
  • Jonah de-porks the visual (Veep, S02E02)
  • Chinese Cockblock (Vice, S01E04)

Stray Observations

  • "Misty Gish." (Bob's Burgers, S03E20)
  • "What happens when the non-existent bumps against the decrepit? A question for the philosophers." (Game of Thrones, S03E04)
  • "Never knew Bannon could smell so good." (Game of Thrones, S03E04)
  • "Congressman Furlong called, and he'd like some face time."
    "Okay, well, let's see, I'd rather set fire to my vulva…so, that's a no." (Veep, S02E02)
  • "Most Jews in this country are fine with pork. 'Pork, shmork,' they often say." (Veep, S02E02)
  • Old Spanish – 30 Rock reference (Mad Men, S06E04)
  • Bonding over child molestation (Glee, S04E20)
  • Alan Yang wrote, directed, and stars in this episode (Parks and Recreation, S05E21)
  • "Human emotions are a gift from our animal ancestors. Cruelty is a gift humanity has given itself." (Hannibal, S01E05)
  • How did the killer transform himself into an angel? (Hannibal, S01E05)
  • "I am not too impulsive."
    "You bought us a timeshare in Tampa!"
    "The lady at the kiosk said it's the Sacramento of the east."
    "But now we gotta go to Tampa every year! Tampa's not a place that you go; it's a place that you end up!" (Happy Endings, S03E21)
  • "It's impossible to ruin something that's already terrible. It'd be like adding more moms to Facebook." (Happy Endings, S03E21)

(Happy Endings, S03E21)


He took a bus to Montreal

Kid Cudi – "Young Lady (feat. Father John Misty).

Father John Misty?

Oh. The song just samples "Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings."

Oof. "Lost in the World" it ain't.

List Idea: The 100 Oddest Samples in Music History. An impossible task, probably, even if you disqualify mixtapes.

Off the top of my head:

  • Three Loco – "We Are Farmers" (samples the Farmers Insurance jingle)
  • Kyle Lucas – "Jonny Quest Thinks I'ma Sellout" (samples Less Than Jake)
  • Soul Coughing – "$300" (samples a Chris Rock joke)

List Idea: The 100 Best Film Dialogue Samples in Music History.

Off the top of my head:

  • Watch the Throne – "Niggas in Paris" (samples Blades of Glory)
  • Maybeshewill – "Not for Want of Trying" (samples Network)
  • MF Doom – "Bing Bong Bing" (samples Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan)
  • The Ataris – "Fast Times at Dropout High" (samples Good Will Hunting)
  • Fun Lovin' Criminals – "Scooby Snacks" (samples Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs)
  • 2 Live Crew – "Me So Horny" (samples Full Metal Jacket)

Iwrestledabearonce sampled Scary Movie 2?

List Idea: The 100 Oddest Film Dialogue Samples in Music History.

Adam Riff™ Summer Movie Preview

Iron Man 3
Star Trek Into Darkness
Fast and Furious 6
The Hangover: Part III
Before Midnight
Monsters University
Despicable Me 2
Grown Ups 2
Red 2
The Wolverine
The Smurfs 2
300: Rise of an Empire
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
Kick-Ass 2

The Great Gatsby
Much Ado About Nothing
Man of Steel
World War Z
The Lone Ranger
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

The East
After Earth
The Internship
This Is the End

Michael Baywatch

I saw Lil Bub and Friendz on Saturday.

In one scene, at a Nyan Cat pop-up shop, Scumbag Steve shows up, and you learn that Nyan Cat and Scumbag Steve share a manager, whose clients also include Keyboard Cat, Success Kid, and Gingers Have Souls.

A meme manager? I want to see that documentary film.

"What do you do for a living?"
"Oh, I manage Internet memes."

It's a full-time gig, and he's been at it for over [three] years. He's also an A&R for Rebecca Black. [source]

I wonder if Peter Pan is resentful at all.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

16. Game of Chairs (Game of Thrones, S03E03)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Family Double Dare (Bob's Burgers, S03E19)
  • "Belchers, meet your competition, the Changs."
    "Hey, everybody Chang sons tonight." (Bob's Burgers, S03E19)
  • "Double Dawson." (Bob's Burgers, S03E19)
  • Wolf bread (Game of Thrones, S03E03)
  • Podrick's job perks (Game of Thrones, S03E03)
  • "Remember that accident we had last time, with Whitney Houston?" (Loiter Squad, S02E06)
  • "There is no match for the tremendous intelligence of the body." (Top of the Lake, S01E07)
  • "There's no way a man who's into X-Men that much can stay away from the Internet that long." (Parks and Recreation, S05E19)
  • Alison's acting (Orphan Black, S01E04)


Bobby Hundley


The Haunting, The Possession, The Conjuring, The Apparition – I can't differentiate these single-noun-titled ghost story films.

Rory: Hardest Jeopardy! category ever.

"'Supernatural investigators come to the aid of an exorcism-needing family.' Jon."
"What is…uhhh…"

'The Haunting, The Possession, The Conjuring, The Apparition' is a game in itself.

"From the producer of The GrudgeThe Haunting, The Possession, The Conjuring, or The Apparition?"

Jukebox Breakdown

"What would you say is the current holy grail of pop culture? A Mother 3 release outside of Japan? Mother 4?"

"Well, for video games, Half-Life 2: Episode Three. For all of pop culture? Hmm… A Dream of Spring? No, a Smiths reunion!"

"A Star Wars vs. Batman film."

"What? How would that work?"

"A time-and-space warp plus Spaceballs. Not long ago in our galaxy, the Galactic Empire invades Earth for its resources."


"Warner Bros. owns Batman, and Disney owns Star Wars, and their properties have united before, in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?."

Television Show Idea: What if the demons in your closet were actual creatures in your closet? Picture a mix of Herman's Head, Pokémon, and The Incredible Hulk.

Action Sequence Idea: Escape from a moving subway train inside a flooding underwater tunnel.

Idea: Earplug-sized and -shaped tampons for nosebleeds – like absorbent Invisalign.

Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away)


When I learned of the Boston Marathon bombing, I immediately thought of the opening of Die Hard with a Vengeance.

Then I imagined myself shooting the culprit á la Jack Ruby, blowing police away telekinetically as they're about to apprehend me, and revealing myself to be God.

And then I thought, Film Idea: A retired badass pulled back into action, only the retired badass is a disgruntled Jesus Christ.

"I was crucified for these shitheads?"

Jesus begrudgingly returns to Earth, dies while saving it, and then life goes on as before. Christians have their beliefs both affirmed and repudiated.

The Dirties follows two high school cinephiles as they make a movie about killing all the bullies who harass them.

It was shot without a script in a documentary style with two cameras constantly filming. Many background characters were participants unaware that a film was being made, who therefore act quite naturally.

It won the Grand Jury Prize for "Best Narrative Feature" at Slamdance this year, and will next screen on Wednesday in Royal Oak, MI, and on April 27 at the Independent Film Festival Boston.

Also screening at IFF Boston, this short:

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

15. The Claw of Shame (Nathan For You, S01E07)

If I could, I would share the whole episode. It's a candidate for Adam Riff™ Television Episode of the Year, along with "White Bear" (Black Mirror, S02E02).

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "It's a shame the throne isn't made out of cock. They'd have never got him off it." (Game of Thrones, S03E02)
  • Joffrey's bow (Game of Thrones, S03E02)
  • "Beat my ex-wife to death with a telephone."
    "Cordless or a landline?"
    "Sidekick." (Shameless, S03E12)
  • The writers just dropped Sheila's agoraphobia (Shameless, S03E12)
  • Betty's pillow talk (Mad Men, S05E01)
  • "Heaven's a little morbid. How do you get to Heaven? Something terrible has to happen." (Mad Men, S05E01)
  • All the episodes this season are titled after black films (Loiter Squad, S02E05)
  • RT: Joe's working on an _actual_ novel? You mean it's not just a heavy-handed metaphor? What the fuck? (The Following, S01E12)
  • "I thought you were Jane Lynch." (New Girl, S02E22)
  • Alfredo (New Girl, S02E22)
  • "Three more weeks of winter." (New Girl, S02E22)
  • "Hello, Jew." (New Girl, S02E22)

Also: Pork sung donuts! (Top Chef Canada, S03E04)

  • Guest judge Trish Stratus (Top Chef Canada, S03E04)
  • "I always knew I was an Electra. Ryan Electra." (Suburgatory, S02E20)
  • Gordon Gartrell shirt – Cosby Show reference (Suburgatory, S02E20)
  • Dog Cat Mouse (The Office, S09E19)
  • Carl Channing (Archer, S04E13)

(Archer, S04E13)

  • "Weakest swimmer." (Archer, S04E13)
  • "You can lie, but your boner can't." (Archer, S04E13)
  • "Killing must feel good to God too. He does it all the time. And are we not created in his image?" (Hannibal, S01E02)
  • "To make matters worse, I found out that the robot whose precision would determine my fate ran on Windows 95." (Nathan For You, S01E07)
  • "Oh no, we are seeing pubic hair." (Nathan For You, S01E07)
  • "The united nations of farts." (Happy Endings, S03E18)
  • "Early spring in Chicago is really just winter." (Happy Endings, S03E18)

(Spartacus, S03E10)


Young Adult

At the gym, when a treadmill asks me for my age, it feels odd entering "3-0."

Physically, I feel 30 — I use a standing desk, and for some reason, my hands go numb when I shower nowadays — but otherwise, it's like I'm pretending to be 30.

I work in Manhattan, but sleep every night on a couch in someone's living room.

At bars, I humour people with alcoholic beverages, but would rather be drinking pop or fruit juice.

I get by. I'm generally content. And yet, I feel like I'm doing it — life — wrong. I'm not building anything. I'm just…stumbling through.

I'm probably fucked in the future, but, as I'm not sure what the point of life is, if I die tragically, so be it. [shrugs]

"Here lies Jon Yu. He was alive at one time."

I had a dream that I was a vandal

Previously on Adam Riff™:




Never change, Japan.

How are cage-free eggs better? Just because a hen isn't caged doesn't mean that it isn't being fed the same shit as a caged hen, or managed similarly. And an uncaged hen still exists to serve humans – it's still our slave. Buying cage-free eggs is like paying a hooker instead of raping one.

"Oh you only buy cage-free eggs? Well, I'm not racist because I have a black friend."

I had it all and now I have everything else

Dear busker who is setting up shop below my windows:

I appreciate that you switched from an electric guitar to an acoustic one, but can you please learn some more songs? Your seeming loop of "Someday" by The Strokes is excruciating.

Also, if you need money, why don't you pawn your guitars?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

Today is the fourth anniversary of The Agony of Defeat, Adam Riff™'s sports Tumblr. Four more years?

14. Oh no they didn't (WWE Raw, 04-01-13)

Paul Bearer's real son: If anyone is wondering, yes WWE did come to us wanting approval for tonight's storyline. The way it was presented to us was ok. Seeing it on screen was a different story. I don't even know what to say.

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Carl's baseball bat silencer (The Walking Dead, S03E16)
  • RT: Carl: "Dad, I'm turning into a cold-blooded killer." Rick: "Pssh, whatevs." (The Walking Dead, S03E16)
  • RT: What's her name who hid under the body… That was a stupid strategy. (The Walking Dead, S03E16)
  • Good riddance to Andrea (The Walking Dead, S03E16)
  • RT: Why would they choose the prison over Woodbury? (The Walking Dead, S03E16)
  • "My master points out that men don't need nipples." (Game of Thrones, S03E01)
  • "Well, I'm sorry I tried to kill you – according to you, anyway." (Bates Motel, S01E03)
  • "You think this beard makes me Santa? I'm an elf." (Justified, S04E13)

(Justified, S04E13)

  • "Higher up the mountain, worse the footing gets." (Justified, S04E13)
  • "Natural One" – from the Kids soundtrack to (Suburgatory, S02E19)
  • "I do like the idea of popcorn kernels in the pancake batter so they self-flip." (Modern Family, S04E19)
  • "Shoot yourself into me, Clark!" (The Americans, S01E09)
  • "The Revolutionary War: America won." (The Americans, S01E09)
  • "You do realize that if you call it a Sophie B. Hawkins dance, people will expect Sophie B. Hawkins to actually be there, right?"
    "[laughs] Yes. And when she comes, I'm gonna be like, I will remember you doubting me."
    "That's a Sarah McLachlan song." (Community, S04E08)
  • "That's guy's like Teflon. No matter how much awful stuff he does, he keeps getting another chance."
    "Yeah, he's like the Colin Farrell of people." (Community, S04E08)
  • "There's only one thing I hate more than lying – skim milk, which is water that's lying about being milk." (Parks and Recreation, S05E17)
  • "Nice to meet you. Eat fresh." (The Office, S09E18)
  • "It is super emotional, like in Toy Story." (The Office, S09E18)
  • "If so, food." (New Girl, S02E21)
  • Pam's allergy face (Archer, S04E12)

(Hannibal, S01E01)

  • Fuller: I've been wanting to do the [Shining] bathroom [set] forever. I tried to do it several times on Pushing Daisies but we always had budget restrictions and I wanted it to be exactly like that bathroom. Every show I've done I wanted to build a bathroom that looked like that space. (Hannibal, S01E01)
  • "I am Sean Connery. I want massage." (Nathan For You, S01E06)
  • "You look like an assistant manager at a Jacksonville multiplex." (Happy Endings, S03E16)
  • "Damn you, you Kevin Smith smell-alike!" (Happy Endings, S03E16)
  • One-armed man – Fugitive reference (Happy Endings, S03E17)
  • Green Man suits (Shark Tank, S04E21)