Midnight nooses from boxcar cadavers

Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, and Wolverine – none of the four most popular superheroes are currently played by American actors. It's three Brits and an Aussie.

America is a country of 311+ million people. We couldn't find four viable actors?

Batman is up for reclamation. Jon Hamm for Batman! In fact, just cast the next Batman film with Mad Men talent.

Jon Hamm as Batman
Elisabeth Moss as Harley Quinn
Christina Hendricks as Poison Ivy
Jared Harris as Alfred
John Slattery as Commissioner Gordon

Brits and Aussies now also play twice as many supervillains as American actors.

Going back five years:

Bane – Brit
The Lizard – Brit
Red Skull – Aussie
Magneto – Brit
Loki – Brit
Frank D'Amico – Brit
Weapon XI (Deadpool) – Brit
Ozymandias – Brit
Jigsaw – Brit
The Joker – Aussie
Abomination – Brit

Blackout – American
Parallax – American
Quentin Turnbull – American
Whiplash – American
Iron Monger – American

Idea: A Revolutionary War film in which all of the American characters are played by Brits.

Tom Hardy, a Brit, is the next Mad Max.

Will an Aussie ever play Mad Max? Mel Gibson is American, not Australian.

Mel Gibson played two Brits in 1995 – William Wallace in Braveheart and John Smith in Pocahontas.

Q: How many American actors have played both a British and an Australian character?

Robert Downey Jr. played an Aussie in Tropic Thunder and a Brit in Sherlock Holmes. That's two…

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

30. Time Travel Thong (Aqua Something You Know Whatever, S09E05)

Some context: Seth MacFarlane's (Killed) 'Flintstones' TV Remake

Stray Observations

  • Idea: A "Breaking Bar" that serves food featured on Breaking Bad – uncut pizza, a breakfast chicken chalupa, tots with Franch sauce (Breaking Bad, S05E02)
  • Chow wears both a flag pin and a flag tie to the police station (Breaking Bad, S05E02)
  • "I think Colombiana's a good movie. It had a lot of pomp and circumstance."
    "It didn't have any circumstance! It had lots of pomp."
    "Yeah, it had no circumstance."
    "Too much pomp, not enough circumstance." (The Eric Andre Show, S01E09)
  • Devendra Banhart and the Funky Bunch (The Eric Andre Show, S01E09)
  • Overhead projector (Adventure Time, S04E08a)
  • "Do you not remember the 311 mosh pit? […] You bit through a little girl's ear."
    "I'm sorry, Blake, but I was just trying to come original." (Workaholics, S03E09)
  • Parker Posey tour de force (Louie, S03E05)


Live Stream: The Dark Knight Rises

Previously on Adam Riff™: The Dark Knight Rises (Macro)

I have now seen it seven times. Fuck James Holmes.

Television is ideally 16:9 and film is ideally 4.32:3 – bizarro times.

Tommy Carcetti cameo.

1. Airplane rises

2. Bane: The fire rises

3. Bane and Pavel rise out of the fuselage [which a dome IMAX screen enhances visually]

Blake: When you and Dent cleaned up the streets, you cleaned 'em good. [cleaned 'em well]

I before E except after C…..and H.

Kyle: You don't count so good, huh? [count so well]

Thomas Lennon cameo.

4. Gordon: Now there's evil rising where we tried to bury it

Clean energy? [groan] It's like tariffs in The Phantom Menace, or a COO character on WWE programming.

5. Alfred: Sometimes a man rises from the darkness

6. Batsuit rises

This is a puny stock exchange for a city with six suspension bridges.

Evidently, Gotham City has the same day-night cycle as Hyrule.

The American stock market closes at 4:00 PM EST. Even without daylight saving time, Batman would not be pursuing Bane and his crew at night.

Could Bane have crashed the stock exchange during after-hours trading?

7. Bat-craft rises

Kyle: Where is it?
Daggett: The clean slate? The ultimate tool for a master thief with a record, where you type in someone's name and date of birth, and in a few minutes they're gone from every database on Earth?

Answer in the form of Wikipedia.

"Where is it?"
"Clean Slate? The 1994 American comedy film directed by Mick Jackson, starring Dana Carvey as a private investigator who is the key witness in a murder case?"

"What is it?"
"Tabula rasa? The epistemological theory that individuals are born without built-in mental content, and that their knowledge comes from experience and perception?"

Aircraft of the summer: The Helicarrier, Prometheus, or The Bat?

A running gag on Jimmy Kimmel Live! is [was?] running out of time and bumping Matt Damon. That's how Christopher Nolan treats Michael Caine.

The board meeting is in 35 minutes, yet Bruce has time to show Miranda the reactor beforehand.

Client: I've paid you a small fortune.
Designer: And this gives you power over me?

Idea: Swap Bane and Alfred's voices.

New York City subway stations, Los Angeles street signs, Chicago-ish license plates – disorienting.

Blake: That looks like motor oil right next to it. [odd thinking out loud]

Might want to tarp off the upper deck of your stadium, Gotham Rogues.

Blake: There's a ring around the tunnels! They're gonna blow it and trap the cops underground!
Foley: Pull 'em out. PULL 'EM OUT NOW!

30 seconds later, you see cops jogging through the tunnels.

Ben Roethlisberger cameo.

I wonder how this American national anthem and American football game plays internationally.

I like how the Rapid City players continue to try to tackle Hines Ward while the field is collapsing.

Good job! Good effort! R.I.P.

At least Ward is running away, however obliviously.

What happened to the drawbridges in Batman Begins?

Barsad reminds me of Korjenic on Sleeper Cell.

Bunny Colvin cameo.

How does this pit in India receive American television reception?

8. Gotham uprising

Where are Gotham's firefighters?

9. Bruce rises from Bane's backbreaker


Bruce: What does that mean?
Prisoner: Rise.

11. Bruce rises out of the pit [which a dome IMAX screen enhances visually]

12. Batsuit rises

No one discovers the hidden Bat-craft?

Stryver stands trial in daytime and is exiled in daytime. Gordon stands trial in daytime but is not exiled until nighttime.

"Hey, it's Batman. We can forget that we're standing precariously on a frozen river now. In fact, throw a lit flare onto the ice."

Batman somehow saves Gordon and Blake simultaneously – sloppy editing.

Wear a mask to protect people you care about – we get it.

13. Cops rise from under ground

14. Talia rises out of the pit

Bane's death [third on the call sheet] is as eventful as Foley's [ninth on the call sheet].

This is awe-some. Clap clap clap-clap-clap.

The number of evacuees on the Queensboro Bridge appears to fluctuate.

Batman has a no guns policy, but he seemingly shoots and kills the driver of the truck carrying the bomb. Collateral damage?

I don't like how Talia dies. It's like someone yanked her power cord out of a socket.

Catwoman: I love you.
Batman: I know.

15. The bomb rises into the air

This ending is the same as The Avengers'.

16. Batcave platform rises

A Dark Knight Rises porn parody – too easy.

Do you think you've made the right decision this time?

Tennis was added to the Summer Games as a medal sport in 1988 after a 64-year absence. Its presence there is awkward in some ways. The Grand Slam tournaments rank ahead of the Olympics in prestige within the game, and traditionalists might argue that a Davis Cup championship does, too.

Yet, over the years, few of the sport's luminaries have skipped the Olympics. For whatever reason, tennis players care. [source]

I like seeing pro athletes at the Olympics, despite medals being a secondary achievement.

When golf is re-instated at the 2016 Summer Olympics, I hope Tiger participates.

London 2012 organizers could not sell out Olympic soccer venues and will cordon off 500,000 seats.

FIFA should allow players of any age to participate in Olympic men's soccer. I seriously doubt that an open 16-team tournament would diminish the World Cup. If anything, it would increase interest in the next World Cup – sneak preview.

If anyone could participate in Olympic men's soccer, however, would the sport's luminaries?

We're spoiled by Team USA.

Past present and future tense

I rinsed the inside of my face with Jimmy's last beer and vowed never to stick my head in a bread sack again. [111]

I finished reading Knockemstiff and The Devil All the Time by Donald Ray Pollock, the former a collection of short stories, the latter a debut novel, both works of sad, sordid, small town noir.

Some people were born just so they could be buried. [66]

Pollock worked at a paper mill until 2005. Knockemstiff shows potential, and The Devil All the Time half fulfills it. Onward and upward.

Both of their faces were flushed red with strong drink and arrogance. [149]

Demon Days

// reading old issues of our high school newspaper //

Jose: How did you get away with publishing this stuff?

Jon: You were in the editor-in-chief. You tell me. And I didn't, in the end.

Jose: You know, I bargained your punishment down to a suspension. Ms. Tavenner wanted to sue you.

Jon: WHAT?

Jon: I was a minor at the time. Imagine her suing my parents for sexual harassment.

The Dark Knight Rises (Macro)

I ended up seeing The Dark Knight Rises five times on opening weekend – Gotham roulette, heh.

Sepinwall's review of Game of Thrones' "Blackwater" episode:

It was a thrilling hour of television, the opposite of last week's largely frustrating installment, which felt like we were somehow running in place even as we were racing across two continents. The amount of time spent in this one corner of the story made every moment feel bigger and richer.

The Dark Knight Rises is an hour and 15 minutes spent racing across two continents of story (toward which I was not frustrated; your mileage may vary), followed by thrilling "Blackwater."

I assume Heath Ledger's death forced Christopher Nolan to re-orient. I imagine an original conclusion à la The Silence of the Lambs, in which Batman needs The Joker's help to capture another villain.

Nolan should add scenes featuring John Blake, Miranda Tate, Peter Foley, and John Daggett to Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.

No, haters, The Dark Knight Rises is not Nolan's worst film – Insomnia is.

When the bridges collapsed, I thought of Gridlock, a 1996 made-for-NBC film starring David Hasselhoff.

When the connection to Ra's al Ghul was revealed, I thought of Die Hard with a Vengeance.

And when Batman yelled "Tell me where the trigger is!" at Bane, it hit me.

The Dark Knight Rises may not be a marvelous comic book film, but it is a terrific season of 24.

William Devane progressed from playing Secretary of Defense on 24 to POTUS in The Dark Knight Rises.

Powers Boothe regressed from playing POTUS on 24 to World Security Council member in The Avengers.

Next: The Dark Knight Rises (Micro)

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

29. Strategy Wanking (The Midnight Beast, S01E03)

Stray Observations

  • "PMA." (Breaking Bad, S05E01)
  • "Suction." (Aqua Something You Know Whatever, S09E04)
  • "Hominy hominy hominy." (Adventure Time, S04E07b)
  • "I watched dishes." (Workaholics, S03E08)
  • "I've heard of trauma causing blindness, like when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles walked in on each other masturbating." (Wilfred, S02E05)
  • "Fatlip from Pharcyde." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S01E07)
  • "Jeremy Aids." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S01E07)


Breakfasting Bad

Ben and I made a Breaking Bad supercut. Enjoy.

Spit Shine Your Black Clouds

Josiah: What are you doing for the 30th birthday?

Jon: Seeing Justin Bieber and Carly Rae Jepsen live.

Josiah: What? With who?

Jon: Alone. I couldn't find anyone t—

Josiah: Forget that. We should go somewhere. Name a place.

Jon: Billings, Montana.

Josiah: [pause] Seriously. Austin? New Orleans? You'd love New Orleans.

Jon: I know I would. That's why I don't live there – or Vegas.

Josiah: You know, there are no gyms in New Orleans.

Jon: What?

Josiah: Outside of hotels…

Jon: Hmm… My friend Danielle's wedding is a week after my birthday. Two trips in one fortnight?

Jon: I am NOT missing a Jewish wedding. It may be my only opportunity.

Each year, kids in 11th grade take the Michigan Merit Exam to see if they are college-ready. In 2011, 90 percent of Highland Park students failed the reading portion, 97 percent failed the math section, and 100 percent failed the social studies and science portions.

The ACLU collected writing samples from a few of the children. Quentin, a 14-year-old boy, spells his name incorrectly. [source]

Man, only Delta flies directly to Detroit. Would you pay $164 more for a non-stop flight?

An additional $164 vs. an additional 3-4 hours each way.

But I need to pay for a hotel room and (probably) a rental car too.

Oh, but the red-eye I covet, the only red-eye available, is a direct flight.

If I'm gonna spend $434 on airfare, though, I'd want to stay at least a week to get my money's worth, which means spending more on accommodations.

I suppose I could beg Jon Wilcox for a place to crash.

Josiah: What would you do in Detroit for a week after the wedding?

Jon: I dunno. Film a documentary? Visit Chicago?

Jon: I'm compiling a list of eateries to try whilst in Michigan.

Josiah: Zingerman's, Slows, Crunchy's… Dr. Sushi?

Jon: It's, um, "Detroit's only underground sustainable sushi take-out."

Disney's Motorcity
The series is set in a fictional, futuristic Detroit, called Detroit Deluxe, which is an elevated metropolis built over the old Detroit. It is owned by evil billionaire Abraham Kane (Mark Hamill). Ruling the citizens under strict laws, and banning personal freedoms including automobile transportation, Kane now faces one last obstacle: a group of hot-rod wielding rebels who call themselves the Burners. Led by Mike Chilton (Reid Scott [Dan on Veep]), the Burners rise to stop Kane from conquering Detroit's last oasis of freedom—an underground refuge dubbed Motorcity.

I am a hospital with many wards

Ladies and gentlemen, the leader in the clubhouse for best album title+cover of the year.

Me singing along to "Breathe" by The Prodigy:

Breathe depressure, come blame a name ol' testure
Psychosomatic Attica zine
Breathe depressure, come blame a name ol' testure
Psycho somatic A to Z
Cooooome plaaaaay moooooy gaaaaame
Inhale, inhale, you're all evicted
Cooooome plaaaaay moooooy gaaaaame
Exhale, exhale, exhale


Beasts of the Southern Wild's score is wonderful. Bet on an Oscar nomination for it.

Listen: "Once There Was a Hushpuppy"

After the success of "I Believe I Can Fly," Warner Bros. asked R. Kelly to contribute a song to the Batman and Robin soundtrack.

He delivered "Gotham City," a ballad about how we all deserve to live in a place like idyllic Gotham City.

Amazingly, it is not the silliest tune in his oeuvre.

Rory: Doesn't he wipe out on a motorcycle in the video?

Jon: No, you're thinking of Puff Daddy in the video for "I'll Be Missing You." Same year. R. Kelly just leisurely cruises around Times Square with a cow print cowboy hat on.

R. Kelly later issued a remix of "Gotham City," tailoring his message "for the ghetto."

Actual lyrics:
Now ain't that ghetto for ya
But somehow it's gotta change
Ghetto for ya
So I took this remix and re-arranged
"Gotham City"

In its video, he drives the (Schumacher) Batmobile through a ghetto.


Fried Chicken and Waffles Ice Cream
Brown butter maple ice cream with maple candied chicken skins and caramelized waffles

I wish more ice creameries were as adventurous, but I understand why most aren't. Even the adventurous ones still offer chocolate and vanilla.

Peking Duck Ice Cream
Plum ice cream with candied orange and candied duck skins


Iiiiit's The Dark Knight Rises week!

I'm scheduled to see it four times on opening day (midnight, 35mm, LIEMAX, 70mm IMAX). Needless to say, I hope it's good.

One reviewer said it was(for him)the best ending since The Shawshank Redemption. Another called it a brilliant brilliant film and compared it favorably with The Godfather II. [source]

Grain of bath salt.

Scud: An 8:00 AM screening?

Jon: Save $6 before noon.

Scud: [pause]

Jon: I saw The Dark Knight at 3:15 AM. 8:00 AM is comparatively humane. I may need a Red Bull. I'm concerned about needing to pee during the screening, though.

Jon: I saw No Country for Old Men and The Hurt Locker at 9:00 AM at TIFF. Only time I've ever seen either film.

Over/Under: 5 Banes on Halloween you see.