Indifferent Children of the Earth

2003: Bravo counterprograms the Super Bowl with a marathon of Gay Weddings.

2012: The Super Bowl counterprograms Bravo with Madonna.

If I ran ABC or CBS or Fox, I would counterprogram Madonna's halftime show with a short live set by Lady Gaga.

If the Giants win the Super Bowl, they will become the first team to win the Super Bowl on all four major broadcast networks. The Steelers blew their opportunity to do so last year.

In the mid-1990s, [Michael] Buffer brought on one of his half-brothers, Bruce Buffer, as his agent/manager. [source]

Bruce = the Kanye of ring announcers.

Let the brown foaming mess wash all over you

Steven: new burger place in san antonio
Steven: ice cream burger
Jon: like, a savory ice cream sandwich?
Steven: no
Steven: like, a meat patty with fried ice cream on top of it

It's called the "Ice Cream Cheeseburger," and it can be found at Fatty's Burgers & More— served with or without bacon.

Add either vanilla or strawberry ice cream.

Other unique combinations are the "Chocolate Chip Cookie Burger," which is a burger with a cookie [inside]; and the "Pancake Burger." [source]

The bun seems redundant.

Anyone know of an eatery that offers a burger with two cookies as the bun, like a cookie Luther?

Jon: way to rep one of america's fattest cities
Steven: it's the mexican food, i think
Jon: mexican food can be healthy
Steven: why would i want healthy mexican?
Steven: you're probably the type that likes wheat tortillas
Steven: eww


The Puppy Channel was a short-lived American cable television channel whose programming consisted entirely of video footage of puppies.

Dan FitzSimons came up with the idea when he was watching the O.J. Simpson murder case during the daytime and kept flipping through the channels during lulls in the trial only to see nothing was on but game shows, soaps, and reruns. FitzSimons thought "Something else is necessary."

41% of people in focus group surveys said they would prefer watching the channel to CNBC and 37% preferred it to TBS. [source]

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

4. Jon Hamm is what the money is for (The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, S02E04)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "It's Fleischer! My name is Fleischer!" (WWE Raw, 01-23-12)
  • There have now been more Republican 2012 presidential debates than there were episodes of Terriers.
  • Tom's scorpion jacket (Parks and Recreation, S04E13)
  • "Quiet! Mankind is trying to tweet about these clowns in Congress." (30 Rock, S06E04)
  • Pam eating lunch out of a Crock-Pot (Archer, S03E05)
  • "Eat a dick, jungle!" (Archer, S03E05)
  • "Goddess of the jungle, you are a whore." (Archer, S03E05)
  • Darius (Romany Malco) is by far the best part of Unsupervised.
  • "I feel like Anne Frank!" (An Idiot Abroad, S02E02)
  • The perils of live closed captioning: "Chicago's own Geremy Peavon." (UFC on Fox 2, 01-28-12)


Clinical Trial 15

Jon: Mike pitched an Adam Riff™ podcast to me.
Rory: Didn't you develop one three years ago?
Jon: Yup. It floundered, though, like so many of my grander ideas – the Canadian television website, the Slaughter DVD, the Cribsheet mobile app, the quarterly themed magazine… [sigh] Little Red Hen I am I am.

Jon: Also, I haaaate the sound of my voice.

Jon: You know how orchestras play off lengthy speeches at awards shows? If I ever record a podcast, I want you to listen in and play off any conversation that bores you. Just fade in some classical music on your end.

I'm surprised that a podcast festival doesn't exist yet. Part film festival, part music festival…


For the sixth year, AMC Theatres will show all the "best picture" Oscar nominees as a day-long marathon.

The sadist in me would begin the marathon with The Tree of Life, followed by War Horse and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

The Wily Castle theme from Mega Man 2 is underutilized as a pump-up song.

Idea: A dance party at which the DJ plays only remixes of music from Mega Man games. Snake Man theme all night!

Supercuts that I'm too lazy to assemble:
1. All the references to colleges and universities on 30 Rock
2. All the scenes featuring characters eating on Breaking Bad

Yo Soy Fiesta

The third season of TLC's My Strange Addiction sounds disappointing.

A woman who eats 900 cat treats a day, a woman addicted to her 38KKK breasts, a woman who has been snorting baby powder for over 10 years, a woman who eats tape, a woman who drinks five bottles of nail polish a day — I suppose there was nowhere to go but down after last season's woman who eats her husband's cremated remains.

Also, if you're gonna spotlight a man who dates and makes love to his car, spotlight the one who also fucked Airwolf!

Coming Attractions

'92 Skybox Alonzo Mourning Rookie Card is a 12-minute comedic short about a dysfunctional sibling relationship. It just premiered at Sundance, but you can watch it online now.

I dug it, and lo, the short is a precursor to a feature film, Awful Nice, that expands on the brothers' relationship.

Ben Franklin Blowing Bubbles at a Sword is a 40-minute documentary short that follows three "mental athletes" as they train for and compete in the 2011 USA Memory Championship.

Ronnie White, a Navy veteran, can meet a conference room full of strangers and minutes later recall every person's name. Nelson Dellis, a software developer, can remember the order of a shuffled deck of playing cards in just a minute. Brad Zupp, a clown, can juggle and memorize computer-generated numbers at the same time.

It just premiered at Slamdance, and will screen at the Big Sky Documentary Film Festival next.


Next Stop, Valhalla

The Book of Drugs—featuring cameos by Redman, Ani DiFranco, and Jeff Buckley—

Mike Doughty, the frontman of my favourite band of all time, Soul Coughing, wrote a memoir.

is the story of his band's rise and bitter collapse, the haunted and darkly comical life of addiction, and the perhaps even weirder world of recovery.

Perhaps even weirder, definitely much less interesting creatively.

Today I discovered The Blackwell Philosophy and Pop Culture Series.

The latest installment:

Socrates would say that Gob's worries about the next illusion, Lindsay's worries about finding a suitable partner in adultery, and Tobias's fears of being nude all fail to consider what is really important. Our crucial concern should always come down to one question: Am I being moral? [source]

Ah so.

On the future of public libraries:

If they digitize their materials, all books would be available on demand, though I imagine you still might have to wait to borrow eBooks, as the alternative would undercut sales.

Libraries purchase eBook licenses – 10 for a best-seller, one for…Final Fantasy and Philosophy: The Ultimate Walkthrough.

Only thing I know is awkward silence

The Year of the Dragon, the Chinese-iest of Chinese zodiac years, begins today.

"Jon, do you have any green shirts?"
"Green shirts? What am I, a Ducks fan?"
"Nothing. Uhhh, yes, I have a few green shirts."
"You need to wear a green shirt on Monday, and a green sweater or jacket, if you wear a sweater or jacket."
"Green tops. Got it."
"And you need to wear blue pants, and blue underwear."

My mother is into Chinese astrology.

"This is a dire year for you, Jon."
"I know. I turn 30 in October."
"No, I mean, the Dragon is least compatible with the Dog. Do you have any green cord?"
"Green cord?"
"Every day this year, you need to tie green cord around your waist, like a belt, to counter the Dragon. You can wear a green bracelet instead, if you prefer."
"Also, you can't eat seafood on Monday, or chicken eggs."

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

3. Steven Tyler compares Joe Magrane's 15-year-old daughter to the city of Boston (American Idol, S11E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Is this an adaptation of "The Final Problem" or The Dark Knight? (Sherlock, S02E03)
  • "I don't like wearing a mask. I'm too pretty." (Justified, S03E01)
  • "I would love to be of more help, but I gotta get back to watching women's tennis." (Justified, S03E01)
  • Black Wee-Man (Happy Endings, S02E12)
  • "It's a farmer's V!" (Happy Endings, S02E12)
  • Krieger's second Rush-themed van (Archer, S03E04)
  • "And I, for one, am gonna go watch Hooper and masturbate 'til my fingers bleed."
    "Just tape 'em up!" (Archer, S03E04)


Cross my heart, hope to die

The contestants on the next season of Survivor include a little person, a gay Republican, and two men obsessed with Tarzan. Only CBS.

Simmons pitched an all-female Survivor on one of his podcasts.

Idea: An all-bi-polar Survivor. "Wanna know what you're playing for? Mood stabilizers!"

Idea: A Charlie's Angels film starring Alison Brie, Lizzy Caplan, and Emmy Rossum – Charlie's Malachim.

Idea: An all-Jewish-girl variation on The Expendables – Alison Brie, Lizzy Caplan, Emmy Rossum, Dianna Agron, Rachel Bilson, Kat Dennings, Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis, Mélanie Laurent, Natalie Portman…

Idea: A sitcom starring the M&M characters in M&M's ads – 11-minute episodes on Cartoon Network, perhaps.

Idea: Nutella M&M's. The anthropomorphic one could speak with an Italian accent.

How useful is the spork

—How does a teapot birth a cup?
—The teapot and the cup were humans who were turned into a teapot and cup by a witch.
—How considerate of the witch to turn them into congruous items.

—The teapot sounds rather old to be the cup's mother. What's the story? Is he adopted? Was he conceived with a donated egg?

—What if he remained a cup? Would he become a teapot as he aged, like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly? Or would he be tragically trapped inside the body of a cup for the rest of his life? Does anthropomorphic porcelain even age? If not, would you rather be a mortal human or an immortal teapot?

They're painting the passports brown

Kate Beckinsale's name belies her filmography. I associate her with Kate Winslet and Cate Blanchett, but she's basically an English Evangeline Lilly.

A cornerback named Geno Smith committed to Alabama, ensuring at least six contiguous years of black dudes named Geno Smith playing Division I college football.

I heard a DJ on terrestrial radio refer to "Niggas in Paris" as just "Paris."

What's wrong with substituting "negroes" for "niggas"? "Negroes in Paris." I think "negro" is less offensive than "coloured people," which the NAACP, whose mission is to "eliminate racial discrimination," still includes in its name. Moreover, the United Negro College Fund is still called that.

So "redskin" is okay, but "negro" is not?

They're selling postcards of the hanging

I read that Thomas Jane was originally going to star in The Walking Dead, presumably as Rick.

Thomas Jane was also AMC's first choice to play Don Draper.

Jane Matters Here.

As Hung was canceled, he's available to play Rosie Larsen's killer. In fact, The Killing would be redeemed if Thomas Jane, playing himself, killed Rosie Larsen.