Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week / Clips of the Year

To recap:
1. Worst Cooks in America
2. The Colbert Report
3. The Office
4. Community
5. Skins [UK]
6. Portlandia
7. Justified
8. The Onion Sportsdome
9. Jimmy Kimmel Live!
10. House
11. Bob's Burgers
12. Bob's Burgers
13. Archer
14. The Celebrity Apprentice
15. Sports Show with Norm MacDonald
16. Community
17. Talking Funny
18. Taboo
19. The Amazing Race
20. Game of Thrones
21. Treme
22. Tosh.0
23. Game of Thrones
24. Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution
25. Louie
26. Jon Benjamin Has a Van
27. The Challenge: Rivals
28. Curb Your Enthusiasm
29. Breaking Bad
30. Curb Your Enthusiasm
31. Jon Benjamin Has a Van
32. Louie
33. Pint-Sized Preachers
34. Curb Your Enthusiasm
35. Jersey Shore
36. Rescue Me
37. Curb Your Enthusiasm
38. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
39. WWE Raw
40. Saturday Night Live
41. Breaking Bad
42. E:60
43. Boardwalk Empire
44. Workaholics
45. Sons of Anarchy
46. The League
47. Boardwalk Empire
48. The Walking Dead
49. Boardwalk Empire
50. 24/7: Flyers/Rangers – Road to the NHL Winter Classic
51. Saturday Night Live

Alas, Friday Night Lights and Parks and Recreation's best clips aired on weeks featuring better clips.

Also, I can only watch so much television, so some clips (frustratingly) went unrecognized. For example: The menstrual blood incident on The Hard Times of RJ Berger, and Suq Madiq on The Colbert Report. I should open a tip line.


52. Chinese Wrong (The Life and Times of Tim, S03E02)

Honourable mention:
» NBA Forever – Christmas Day 2011 Intro (NBA on TNT, 12-25-11)


Best fails of 2011
WankerCounty (R.I.P.)

See you in Vancouver

I can't fall asleep anymore without thinking about death – my parents' deaths, and my own death. It's difficult to be at peace with death when every night, your heart is oppressed with despair over death. I recently jolted awake from early-stage sleep because I couldn't sense myself breathing and panicked.

Falling asleep is becoming increasingly unbearable.

I love you, everything burrito

I conceived an Adventure Time + Attack the Block mash-up — Finn as Moses, Jake as a monster — and my sweep of the Internet for any existing Adventure Time + Attack the Block mash-ups morphed into a hunt for the oddest Adventure Time mash-ups on the Internet.

Among the numerous candidates (see: The Avengers, Batman, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Calvin and Hobbes, Dawn of the Dead, Doctor Who, Donkey Kong, Futurama, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, The Green Lantern, The Legend of Zelda, My Neighbour Totoro, Mother 3, Pokémon, Psycho, Pulp Fiction, Samurai Jack, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Sin City, Skyrim, Star Wars, Super Mario Bros. 2, Tyler, the Creator, The Venture Bros., Wilfred), I submit:

Adventure Time + King of the Hill

Adventure Time + Superjail!

Adventure Time + Shadows of the Damned

Adventure Time + Sigur Rós' Takk…

Adventure Time + Home Improvement

Friday Night Lights Impressions


A Year of Disappointment at the Movie Box Office
With five days left in 2011, ticket sales in North America are running about $500 million behind last year — despite higher prices — prompting a round of soul searching by studios trying to determine what went wrong.

I have a reason that no one seems to be citing: Humanity's declining attention spans.

You're asking people to focus on one thing for two hours, which doesn't sound unreasonable, but even my father watches television nowadays with his laptop by his side.

Ezra Miller's IMDb profile picture:

You know you're old when Roland Emmerich's Godzilla is considered ironic.

I've been sitting on a tribute to Emmerich's Godzilla for four years. Maybe I'll publish it in (heh) 2012.

Hipster Ipsum

Stay What You Are

I'm currently reading Those Guys Have All the Fun, the oral history of ESPN. Because I can't highlight my copy:

The story goes that ESPN president George Bodenheimer attended the first Disney board meeting in Orlando, Florida, just after the company had bought Pixar, the innovative animation factory, and spotted Apple CEO Steve Jobs in a hallway. It seemed like a good time to introduce himself. "I am George Bodenheimer," he said to Jobs. "I run ESPN." Jobs just looked at him and said nothing other than "Your phone is the dumbest fucking idea I have ever heard," then turned and walked away. [623]

The Year in Fighting

Previously on Adam Riff™:
The Top 10 Staged Fights of 2007
The Top 5 Fight Scenes of 2008
The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2009
The Year in Fighting (2010)

Hat tip, X Factor

Best Group Fight: Georgetown Hoyas vs. Bayi Rockets (goodwill game)

Best Over 30s Fight: Joe Kapp vs. Angelo Mosca (CFL Alumni Legends Luncheon)

Best Male Fight: Jay Rosehill vs. Brian McGrattan (Toronto Maple Leafs at Nashville Predators)

Best Female Fight: Chrissy vs. Kimbella (Love and Hip Hop 2)

Best New Fight: Occupy Wall Street

Best Viral Fight: Laguna Hills Denny's – The Real Orange County

Best Wrestling Match: John Cena vs. CM Punk (WWE Money in the Bank)

Best MMA Fight: Mauricio "Shogun" Rua vs. Dan Henderson (UFC 139)

Best Boss Fight: Great Grey Wolf Sif (Dark Souls)

Best Fight Scene: Chain-Link Offense (BKO: Bangkok Knockout)

Best Finishing Move: With his right hand, Khal Drogo rips out Mago's tongue through Mago's slit throat (Game of Thrones)

The morrow is a bird

Dear media critics: Your favourite albums of the year are the Showtime comedies of music.

Rory: What?
Jon: I'm trying it out as an analogy.

Jon: Guh. Why doesn't the header appear in IE?
Jon: Internet Explorer is like a vegetarian guest at a dinner party.
Rory: It's the Showtime comedies of browsers?
Jon: No, it's Enlightened.

Rory: Why are you re-designing Adam Riff™ over the holidays?
Jon: Because I'm a div.
Jon: [sigh] Where's Eric Mika when you need him?
Rory: Probably snowboarding on cash.

Television Programme Idea: Frontier Critic.

Rory: Sounds like a Showtime comedy.


Things that I cannot bring myself to buy

1. The Road to Somewhere: An American Memoir by James A. Reeves. I retain hope that a local library will someday acquire a copy.

2. A second pair of pants, preferably jeans.

3. A nose hair trimmer, or a petite nail clipper. My existing nail clipper doesn't fit all the way inside my nostrils.

4. A $3.20 container of smoked mozzarella pasta salad at Whole Foods.

5. This UC Oakland hoodie.

When Adam Robot's screen press is operational, I'm gonna pester him to create a bunch of faux uni wear for me – UNBRC (University of Nevada, Black Rock City), SUNY Betamax, a play on Belushi's "College" sweater that reads "Grad School" or "Unemployment"…

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol Live Stream

I am less bothered that Bane is unintelligible than that he sounds anemic. Hope Tom Hardy enjoys ADR.

Every time I see the trailer for Contraband, I chuckle when Zombie Nation kicks in.

Lee Tergesen is in Red Tails. J.K. Simmons is in it too? Tobias Beecher and Verne Schillinger! Oh. That's Major Dad, not Verne. Never mind.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy also opens with a spy getting shot in Budapest. Note to spies: Don't go to Budapest.

Simon Pegg and Russell Tovey should play brothers.

Where is Ving Rhames? Heh. He's too old for this shit.

At 5'10", Jeremy Renner and Simon Pegg are the tallest members of this team. "Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to fetch that box on the top shelf."

What is the occupancy rate of this hotel? No one sees Tom Cruise outside a window?

Giacchino composed the laziest possible music for Russia and India.

Is Anil Kapoor real life? This man is playing Jack Bauer on an Indian version of 24? He's like an Indian George Takei.

This automated parking structure action sequence is very Asian.

I can't see a missile fly over San Francisco without flashing back to The Rock. Candlestick!

Ah. There is Ving Rhames.

Pier 47 in Seattle sure looks like Granville Island in Vancouver.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

50. Ilya Bryzgalov (24/7: Flyers/Rangers – Road to the NHL Winter Classic, E01)

Honourable mention:
» "I am not seeking forgiveness" (Boardwalk Empire, S02E12)
» Saul assembles Carrie's timeline / David orders it torn down (Homeland, S01E11)
» Woody confronts Milky (This Is England '88, E03)

» 74-year-old Dustin Hoffman (Luck, S01E01)


Louis C.K.'s Reddit interview, according to Taiwanese animators
The Agony of Defeat

Boners Breaking Highways

Rory: The president of Showtime said that the last two episodes "set up a very clear endgame that will take two seasons to tell," so… Dexter and Debra wed in the series finale?
Jon: What a wretched season.
Rory: If James Spader had joined Dexter, and Colin Hanks had joined The Office, would the current seasons of both shows be better?
Jon: Mmm…
Rory: Colin Hanks as Gabe's twin brother.

Jon: This contestant on Chopped is sad that her Indian restaurant in Napa is failing. Fuckin' move your restaurant to Sunnyvale or Fremont, dummy! It's not like the Bay Area is hurting for Indian people.

Jon: If I produced Top Chef, the next elimination challenge would be Asian food.

Jon: This Is England '88? Another mini-series sequel?
Rory: This is Shane Meadows' Up series.
Jon: The two sequels play like an English Treme.

Rory: Stewart is Gale, heh.

Partial Recall – Mission: Impossible III (2006)

Q: When did you last see Mission: Impossible III, Jon?

Opening weekend with Jord, Jon Wilcox, and (I think) Chad and Tushar.

Q: What do you remember about the film?

I remember it was the last film I saw during my time in Chicago.

I remember commemorating its release on Adam Riff™ by including a bunch of spy music on that week's Playlist – Moby's Bond theme remix, Orbital's Saint theme remix, Fretblanket…

I remember an unused remix of M:I's theme music attributed to Kanye West.

I remember the film opening with Philip Seymour Hoffman talking in an airplane in flight.

I remember Tom Cruise sliding down a slanted face of a skyscraper in Shanghai, and chasing someone on foot through old town China.

I remember an explosion behind Tom Cruise peculiarly propelling him sideways into a black sedan.

That's all I remember.

The 20 Unhappiest People You Meet In The Comments Sections Of Year-End Lists

Partial Recall – Mission: Impossible II (2000)

Q: When did you last see Mission: Impossible II, Jon?

Opening weekend – I think it was Memorial Day weekend – at the AMC Mercado with Claudine.

Q: What do you remember about the film?

Well, I remember Tom Cruise climbing a cliff, and Ben Stiller parodying it on the MTV Movie Awards.

I remember watching the Making the Video episode for "I Disappear," which I believe is the first song Metallica ever composed for a film soundtrack. "Hey, hey, hey…" I remember the band was helicoptered onto a butte.

I remember the video for Limp Bizkit's take on M:I's theme music was only shown in Europe at first.

I remember chuckling at John Woo's use of doves and Tom Cruise's on-screen mid-life crisis – long hair! a motorcycle!

I remember Anthony Hopkins?

I remember the villain severing a finger with a cigar cutter in a luxury suite at a racetrack.

That's all I remember.

Partial Recall – Mission: Impossible (1996)

Q: When did you last see Mission: Impossible, Jon?

After I bought it on VHS, so 1996 or 1997.

Q: What do you remember about the film?

Well, I remember Tom Cruise suspended by wires in a sensitive white room, and him dramatically catching a bead of sweat.

I remember thinking Brian De Palma was an odd choice for director, and wondering why the George and Ringo half of U2 covered M:I's theme music.

I remember Tom Cruise sitting in a firetruck in Langley, VA, and him fleeing bursting glass and water in Europe.

I remember a train station, and a helicopter exploding out of a train tunnel.

I remember the illogical exploding gum. How can two substances that become explosive when combined be combined in one stick without exploding?

I remember Jon Voight peeling off a latex mask, and being miffed at his character's rationale for turning heel.

Oh and I remember Emilio Estevez being impaled in an elevator shaft.

That's all I remember.

Boardwalk Empire State of Mind

Hasa Diga Eebowai

—Hey, I need help with my Christmas display.

—North Polea, Santanamo Bay, Elf…schwitz.
—The theme of the display is "The War on Christmas."

—What about a nativity scene? Cover everyone's heads with black hoods.

Reality cooking challenge idea: Create a dish using only "as seen on television" kitchen products – Slice-O-Matic, Handy Peel

Saturday Night Live should have two writing staffs that alternate episodes like Infinity Ward and Treyarch alternated production of Call of Duty games. It could reduce the number of half-assed sketches.