Bats and balls run the fuckin' world

INT. ADAM RIFF™ WRITERS' ROOM – NIGHT

—Hmm…
—Unfortunately, whoever designed the Big 12's logo opted to emphasize the "12."
—Why a teddy bear?
—I couldn't find a good image of a baby longhorn.

—That works better. Why don't we do BCS conferences as hip-hop artists instead?

—Yes.

—Heh. Speeeeed!

—Big E.A.S.T.
—Obscure.
—Beezy.
—Ambiguous.
—Bigeastie Boys.
—Mmmmm…

—ACC Bambaataa
—Del the Funkee ACCpien.
—Vanilla ACC.
—Del the AC HomoCpien?

—Lil Tweezy.
—OUTXKTA.
—B12.
—Like, D12?
—Correct. Texas is Eminem. Nebraska is Proof. A&M is Bizarre…

—Okay, we have: The Notorious B1G, 12Pac, Run-SEC, Bigeastie Boys, Vanilla ACC, and B12.
—White rappers equal basketball.
—But that means Kansas is Eminem.
—It's a dual analogy.

—Mountain West.
—M.W.A.
—Conference USA.
—CZA?


EXT. TRADER JOE'S CAR PARK – AFTERNOON

—"Texas A&M Former Student"? It reads like the owner of the car attended but didn't graduate.
—The designer of the decal: "Guh! What is that word? It begins with an 'A.' Alani? Alummo? [sigh] Screw it."


INT. TRADER JOE'S – AFTERNOON

—I hate when Trader Joe's stops stocking an item I like.

—"Chopped Lamb and Rice Dinner with vegetables." That sounds tasty. Oh. It's dog food.
—How premium can $1.19 dog food be?
—Fuck it. I'm-a buy a can.

—You've never eaten dog food before?
—No…
—I ate dry dog food with mayonnaise for an English class project in high school.

A spoonful of mayo helps the Beneful go down… Actually, a swig of Mountain Dew helps a spoonful of mayo and Beneful go down.


Baseball Friends: Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder

2 thoughts on "Bats and balls run the fuckin' world"

  1. is there any truth that there is ground bones in dog food, that can hurt your intestines?

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