Dr. Jay's Ladies


I recognize him. Who is he?

[notices diamond lower teeth while walking by]

Oh. Kanye West.

Union Square

[wakes up, checks clock]

5:00 AM.

Since I've been in New York City, I've woken up every day three hours early, which is odd because my circadian rhythm is set three hours behind Eastern Standard Time.

Moreover, time seems to slow during the 8:00 AM hour.

[wakes up, checks clock]

8:05 AM.

[resumes sleeping]

[wakes up, checks clock]

8:26 AM.

[resumes sleeping]

[wakes up, checks clock]

8:39 AM. 8:47 AM. 8:52 AM. 8:55 AM. 8:59 AM…


Spelunking underneath subway grates.

The Descent: Part 3.


—Can I sample the salt-and-pepper-flavoured ice cream? Thank you.

What is "DUMBO" an acronym for? A: "Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass."

"Brokers are allowed to essentially pull names out of thin air in order to rebrand a neighborhood and have the effect of raising rents or home prices."

The financial district [was] rechristened as FiDi. SoBro [is] an appellation for the South Bronx. ProCro [blends] Prospect Heights and Crown Heights. [source]


Bronx Zoo

So many lip piercings…

"Meet the famous Bronx Zoo cobra." This is it? This snake attracted all that attention?

The zoo put its elephants behind a paywall.

I wish Jurassic Park was real. Or Lost Island. Surely Disney's imagineers can imaginate a smoke monster.

A human zoo would be fun. World of Jews. LGBT Reserve.

Cheap Shot Youth Anthem

Jon: He's in D.C. all week, so I'm in N.Y.C. alone…and aimless. Today, I walked around a Trader Joe's.

Jon: I read that Wednesday is "suggested donation day" at the Bronx Zoo (i.e. free admission), so I might do that. Did you know that each borough has a zoo?
Rory: The Staten Island Zoo? And I thought the animals in the Detroit Zoo had it bad…

McKern: Take a BoltBus to Boston. I'll bring you to the North End.
Jon: Tempting, but… 24 hours in Boston? (I need to wait for a cable guy to deliver a DVR on Friday)

Jon: Canada Day weekend in Boston. Hmm… Oh, but the New York Asian Film Festival begins on Friday.
McKern: You've seen like half of its films already.

Raise a toast to St. Joe Strummer

Someday a real rain will come and wash all the tourist buses off the streets.

Duane "The Reade" Johnson, heh.

Oh. Right. Uptown. See, what I think of as downtown Manhattan is actually midtown Manhattan.

Does anyone read these service change notices? My eyes just glaze over.

That man traveled two blocks via subway.

I wonder if World Trade Center tourism increased after September 11.

Idea: A travel show built around locations of tragedies and disasters.

"And while you're in Blacksburg, be sure to try the spicy tofu and injera at Excellent Table."

wallpaper inside morning joe's green room

sitting on set behind a remote-controlled camera

Alas, I won't be around when my buddy visits The Colbert Report in mid-July.

Or maybe I will, as I still don't know when I'm leaving. Won't be until next Tuesday at the earliest.


They had cigarettes where there were supposed to be eyes

There's a script floating around out there — a real script — for a show called Time Jack. It's about a guy who, every time he masturbates, he travels through time. So if he ends up in the Cretaceous period and there's a T-Rex bearing down on him, all he has to do is whack off and poof, he'll be in a new time. But if he's in a time he loves? Then he can stay — as long as he doesn't masturbate. This idea is exactly the low point of us as a society, but it's such a tremendous — and relatable! — low point, that I wish I had created it. [source]

fwd to amc

If you don't get born again, at least you'll get high as hell

N 11th and Wythe

What is filming on that corner? Looks like a news crew. Japanese reporter…

Oh. It's Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Grand Ave. and Queens Blvd.

Imagine being a Mormon missionary here.

This food mart also repairs computers.

If I operated a food mart, what items would I list on my awning?

Cigarettes Balloons Pringles Swiffer Milk…

"John Leguizamo: Ghetto Klown." Directed by Fisher Stevens?

Huh. John Francis Daley co-wrote Horrible Bosses. Now four of the seven Freaks and Geeks have written screenplays that were produced. A fifth one played an aspiring screenwriter on Party Down.

S 6th and Berry

Should I be eating this toast dipped in fat drippings?

Fuck it. I'll walk back.

Williamsburg Bridge

This is a long on-ramp. I feel like I'm walking to the ring at WrestleMania.

Potholes on the pedestrian path.

You can jump off the pedestrian path onto a moving train. Chase Scene Idea:

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

25. Louie, S02E01
We cried laughing.


Wet Hot American Summer – ORIGINAL PAINTINGS

Like a death in the hall that you hear through your wall

"14th and 6th"

—Two men cuddling, sex condom AIDS – the bus shelter and phone kiosk ads in this area are not very family-friendly.

—'Store for rent.'
—Is the store for rent or the store space?
—Why would anyone rent an adult video store?

—Where are we headed?
—Matt Stone's "favourite restaurant in the whole world."

—Fried chicken?
—We're queued behind four gay black dudes. How bad can it be?

Like a rat in a cage pulling minimum wage

[touches face]

Did I apply lotion? No, it's sweat.

This weather… When I carry an umbrella, no rain. When I don't, drenched.

"The Curious Case of the 53rd and 6th Halal Carts"

The cart on the east side of 6th Avenue is also Halal Guys and sells the same food, but the queue is one-fourth as long.

While buying a can of pop, I spilled my combo platter on a beverage cart. The cashier glared at me, pulled a bottle of water covered in rice, and glared at me some more. Flustered, I scooped as much spilled food as I could back into its container with my hands, greasily grabbed a Diet Coke, and fled.

—You continued eating it?
—Uh…yeah! It's the 53rd and 6th halal cart!

Chewbacca Movie Reviews

New Word Order

Jose: WaPo killed the story
Jose: NYT magazine is running it now
Jose: i'm gonna forward you the proof

Jon: that headline is very…assertive
Jose: i don't like the jailbird quality of the profile photo
Jon: six pages
Jon: are you the cover story?
Jose: nope
Jose: Derek Jeter is

Jose: jon, the article goes online thursday
Jon: [redacted] will be completed by then
Jon: promise

Jon: how did you rope me into assisting with your legal defense?
Jon: i should be looking for paid work

Jose: can you believe this is really happening?
Jon: can you believe that i list you as my current employer on my résumé?
Jose: oh lord
Jon: you're one of my references too…

Animals Being Dicks

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

Ausiello: "Mitch's part-time hooker sis Terry will be returning full-time, which pretty much confirms the show will maintain some sort of tie with the Larsen clan."
—Why? So they can evade a mountain lion?

24. Jamie Oliver humiliates an unhealthy family (Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, S02E04)

Honourable mention:
» They killed my nigga Ned (Game of Thrones, S01E09)
» Sex in Little Little Italy (Jon Benjamin Has a Van, S01E02)


Dear Photograph

When the weather breaks, I'll pull my hoodie up over my face


They've stepped up the weird. Ken Levine is definitely drifting into Terry Gilliam territory – in a really good way. When the little girl reaches her hands into the dead horse's head and pulls open the dimension, and suddenly you're in a 1980s street scene – alternate 1983 – with Tears for Fears playing and "Revenge of the Jedi" playing at a movie theatre, and then she closes it back up and you're back on the floating city in the sky… I mean, that was like, what the fuck just happened?

John Davison on BioShock Infinite


For his next film, Thai auteur Pen-Ek Ratanaruang returns to his Tarantino roots.

Tul, a hitman, is shot in the head during an assignment. He awakens from a coma to find that he sees everything upside down – literally. His new affliction complicates his job, and his past begins to catch up with him.

I expect it to premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival in September.


Idea: An Evening with Tracy and Nyjer Morgan.

Local Man Ruins Everything

Last year, I bet on Michigan State to win the NCAA Tournament. 30/1 odds. They lost to Butler in the Final Four by 2 points.

Last October, I bet on the Canucks to win the Stanley Cup in 2011. 8/1 odds. They lost game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final at home. The only worse beat is an overtime loss.

I am the Buffalo Bills of futures betting.

I was counting on the 'Nucks payout to subsidize a smartphone. My seven-year-old Audiovox CDM-8910 is dying.

15/1 odds that the Giants win the World Series. Hmm…

Gratuitous Film Clip Wednesday

Matt Czuchry gotta eat.


Life is a fast lane

Chinese Democracy
Osama Bin Laden
Duke Nukem Forever
The Avalanches' second album
Arrested Development movie
Half-Life 2: Episode 3
Cubs win the World Series

—You can cross off The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour.
—No way!
—Way. Curds and way.

The Trailer Park Boys' follow-up to…Trailer Park Boys premieres July 22 in Canada on "Action." Guest stars include: Amy Sedaris, Jay Baruchel, Maury Chaykin, and John Dunsworth and Pat Roach (Mr. Leahy and Randy).

It looks like a loonier The Kids in the Hall: Death Comes to Town.

Ben & Jerry's to Unveil "Schweddy Balls" Flavor

Pop Knob in Fanny

Chafboy: let me know when you see super 8, i want to discuss some gripes
Jon: alright.

C: the guy called in, how is it his fault the woman can't operate machinery?
C: if i called into work at the world trade center, and someone had to fill my shoes…would they blame me?

C: they make a big deal about the cubes and then the alien doesn't even use them
C: a plot device that does not pay off at the end?
C: you mean the alien could have used metal all along?

C: what's with the hanging bodies
C: let's have dead bodies hanging about for no reason?

C: the train wreck was better in the trailer

C: too many lens flares

C: i never knew fat kids that were so demanding like that fat kid
C: kids…making a film and they have a makeup artist. give me a break

C: i didn't like that the thing at the end picks up metals
C: but it doesn't take the tanks

C: and why does the black army guy take the locket?
C: i mean, talk about being mean

Super 8 is a combination of two separate film ideas – a coming-of-age movie, and a monster movie – that only half-commits to both ideas, resulting in a film that is only a quarter successful. It is not very affecting, nor is it very fun.

Attack the Block is a defter combination of coming of age and monsters. Its kid ensemble is more endearing, its aliens are more satisfying, its stoners are more amusing, and its adult characters are actually relevant.

Daft Punk scored Tron: Legacy, The Chemical Brothers scored Hanna, and Basement Jaxx scored Attack the Block. I like this trend.

Q: What is the best sounding film you have ever seen?

A: It's All Gone Pete Tong. It sounded mint as fuck via the sound system in the theatre I saw it in.

Can you name the Sean Bean movies by death?