Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

—Is that Juvenile on Treme?

17. Sittin' on a cock 'cause I'm gay (Talking Funny, 04-22-11)

Honourable mention:
» Walter in the hospital chapel (Fringe, S03E20)
» Bran's dire wolf saves him (Game of Thrones, S01E02)
» John Oliver visits a royal wedding enthusiast (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 04-27-11)
» Dwight reads Michael's letter/Jim in Michael's office/"That's what she said" (The Office, S07E22)

—On Michael's last day, Cece is found dead. Michael stays to help Dwight find who killed her. Holly pops up in each subsequent episode to express her displeasure with Michael staying in Scranton. Jim and Pam grieve endlessly. Someone in the (state) senator's office is leaking information. Darryl informs Jim that a friend of his works at Cece's daycare centre.

#clipoftheweek – Conceived by ESPN's Bill Simmons
The Yelp Elite

Burrito is too dericious

Aqua Teen Hunger Force is reportedly changing its name to Aqua Unit Patrol Squad One, reviving its old premise of having the cartoon crew work as detectives, and relocating to Seattle.

Carl should move to Sonoma and pop up in each episode to express his displeasure with Frylock, Master Shake, and Meatwad working as detectives in Seattle.

Josh Homme – "Aqua Unit Patrol Squad One Theme"

To every man his little cross. Till he dies. And is forgotten.

"How was your job interview, Jon?"

—Are you technical?
—In what way?
—Do you know what "sequel" is?

"He explains what 'sequel' is, and I realize that 'sequel' is SQL, which I have always read as 'ess-cue-ell.' I know what SQL is, but don't bother clarifying that I do, fearing that I might look dim for knowing it as 'S-Q-L.'"

—We're not gonna hire you as our office administrator, but we may use you as an intern. Are you on Facebook?
—I want you to log in on my laptop and complete a copy editing test.

"He exits the room to fetch his laptop, and I pull out my laptop because I just changed my Facebook password for security and can't recall it yet by memory. It's a randomly-generated 22-character password. As I'm transcribing it onto the palm of my left hand, he re-enters the room."

—I just changed my password and…

"The test is to edit some Engrish copy on a Korean company's web site. I finish and click 'submit' and am notified that I need to add more words to my edit. It's too edited. Before I can un-edit it some, however, Firefox crashes, and he re-enters the room soon after."

—All right. Let's see what you did.
—Erm… The browser crashed before I could save my edit.
—I'll find it.

"He doesn't,"

—I can recite to you…

"and brusquely escorts me out of the office."

All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter.

Plan B @ Rickshaw Stop
21 Apr 11

FaithSFX intro:
0. Pony (Ginuwine cover)

1. Writing's On The Wall
2. Free
3. Welcome To Hell
4. The Recluse
5. Love Goes Down
6. Coming Up Easy (Paolo Nutini cover)
7. Hard Times/Runaway (segued into Kanye West cover)
8. Prayin'
9. What You Gonna Do
10. She Said

11. Soul Medley: Who's Lovin' You/The Tracks Of My Tears/Lean On Me/My Girl/Stand By Me
(Smokey Robinson, Bill Withers, The Temptations, and Ben E. King covers)
12. Dubstep Medley: Stand By Me/Kiss From A Rose/Forgot About B
(Ben E. King, Seal, and Dr. Dre feat. Eminem covers)
13. Pieces (Chase and Status cover)
14. Stay Too Long

Plan B is touring America in support of The Defamation of Strickland Banks, a concept album about a soul singer who is wrongly imprisoned for rape. I expected him to sing falsetto and rap. I did not expect a beatboxer and moshing on stage. It was a fun, postmodern Motown (pomo Moto?) carnival of a show.

Beginning next week, you can catch Plan B on this tour:

I spy the nucleus for a niche touring festival, a la H.O.R.D.E.

Main Stage
Bruno Mars
Cee Lo Green
Janelle Monáe
Mayer Hawthorne

Second Stage
Plan B
Aloe Blacc
Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings
Fitz and the Tantrums


My 5 Favourite San Francisco Giants Special Events

Celiac Disease Awareness Night
Monday, 6/6 vs. WAS 7:15pm

Attend a special pre-game party with Gluten Free food and drinks, along with various Gluten Free product-based businesses on site.

First Annual Giants Winefest
Saturday, 6/11 vs. CIN 1:10pm

Your ticket package will include access to the pre-game Wine Festival, complimentary tasting card, and a Giants World Series themed Wine Stopper!

Tweetup @ the Park
Friday, 6/24 vs. CLE 7:15pm

The pre-game party will feature a panel discussion with noteworthy social media experts, Twitter figures, and Giants Twitter personalities.

Bastille Celebration
Monday 7/18 vs. LAD 7:15pm

The Giants first home game after the actual Bastille Day is sure to be a great time for the Bay Area French community!

2nd Annual Professional Women's Networking Night, presented by Wharton MBA for Executives San Francisco
Thursday, 8/4 vs. PHI 7:15 pm

Arrive early as we'll have an amazing panel discussion and Q&A with distinguished female executives from the Giants organization, Wharton, and other organizations around the Bay Area.

Special Events Calendar | Tickets

You must go on, I can't go on, I'll go on

Alllllright. Back from a total mental breakdown.

My therapist said that I should occupy myself with more social distractions.

And that's how I ended up at a college baseball game on Friday, along with Billy Beane, reportedly.

UCLA at Stanford. Probably my only opportunity to see Trevor Bauer pitch in person for UCLA. I love him. He's so cool.

"Who is this kid?" a man behind me wondered aloud.
"Oh, just a four-time National College Player of the Week this season…" I thought.

Bauer won his third consecutive complete game. 135 pitches. 17 strikeouts. 95mph in the bottom of the ninth.

2011 MLB mock drafts project him going as high as 7th to the Diamondbacks and as low as 29th to the Giants, where he could be teammates with his hero Tim Lincecum.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

16. Dean Pelton's costumed drop-ins (Community, S02E21)

Our in-house video player should work in Chrome and IE9 now.

Honourable mention:
» Broyles on LSD (Fringe, S03E19)
» "Ain't No Way" (Glee, S02E17)
» Tom's food lexicon (Parks and Recreation, S03E10)


Every time I hit the ground, I bounce up like roundball
The NHL's Goal Horns, In Order

Antonio Sbarro Jr.

"Additional charge for extra cheese."

Idea: Hot Pockets Crust Pizza. Expand crust stuffing options.

"Yes, I would like a pepperoni pizza with breakfast in the crust."

While creating this post, I discovered that Hot Pockets sells a stuffed crust product. I pictured a Taco Bell Double Decker Hot Pocket, but lo, it is a Hot Pocket with a stuffed pizza crust attached to it – like a birth defect.

Passover At Guy Fieri's House

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

15. Blake Like Me (Sports Show with Norm MacDonald, S01E01)

Honourable mention:
» Helen Mirren's Magical Bosom (Saturday Night Live, S36E19)
» Iron Chef Morimoto guest stars, sings karaoke (Hawaii Five-0, S01E20)
» Fiddla Please (Community, S02E20)


Ashton Kutcher's New Anti-Child Slavery PSA Campaign Is Insane

Phelps Changed Everything

—Ooh! They added Submarine, Richard Ayoade's debut film. Only one screening, though, and on a Wednesday night. What if I get a job before…May 4?

—You're right. Add to cart.

Submarine aside, I'm disappointed with the San Francisco International Film Festival's selections this year. The concurrent Independent Film Festival Boston programmed the two films* that I had hoped to see at SFIFF – plus Submarine! [grumbles]

* and they are:

Woodrow and Aiden spend their time building flamethrowers and other weapons in the hope that a global apocalypse will occur and clear the way for their imaginary gang, Mother Medusa, to reign supreme. While waiting for destruction to commence, Woodrow meets a charismatic young woman and falls in love—hard. Quickly integrating into her group of friends, Woodrow and Aiden set off on a journey of betrayal, love, hate, and extreme violence more devastating than any of their apocalyptic fantasies.

After The Tree of Life, Bellflower is the 2011 film that I most want to see. Beastie Boy Adam Yauch's film company acquired its distribution rights for an [sigh] August release.

Writer, director, and star Evan Glodell custom-built the camera that he used to shoot Bellflower and spent two years refining its editing and sound design.

The Catechism Cataclysm
A conflicted priest and life-long loser (Steve Little, Eastbound and Down) invites his childhood idol on a canoe trip that devolves into a David Lynch-esque nightmare.

You had me at that film still.

They gave us Jackie Chan

Working title: Crossfire. It is a video game for two players inspired by chess-boxing.

One player must navigate a Mario-type character across a gigantic crossword puzzle plane (gigantic because its boxes are gigantic in length and width) and reach a flag in a set amount of time – a basic 3D platform game challenge. Travel on white boxes. Fall into a black area and you die.

Meanwhile, the other player tracks player one's movement on the crossword puzzle in 2D and tries to solve it accordingly. Decipher a clue correctly and the letters in that word crash down on player one's crossword plane as gigantic polyhedrons, impeding player one's movement or squashing him or her to death.

If player one reaches the flag, the following puzzle plane contains less white boxes. If player two prevents player one from reaching the flag, the following puzzle features more challenging clues.

The Mathematics Of Seduction And Other Devious Solutions To A Spy Party's Problems

A screaming comes across the sky

I'm super stoked for this show. I've waited five years to see Plan B live – and in a 350-capacity club after he played the O2 Arena in March? Yes, please.

I hope he performs this:
(Soul Medley) Tracks Of My Tears > Lean On Me > My Girl > Stand By Me
(Dubstep Medley) Stand By Me > Baden Baden > Ain't No Sunshine > Kiss From A Rose > Forgot About Dre

—Jon, what was the last concert you attended?
—Gosh… Wolf Parade at the Music Box in Los Angeles in July 2008 with Forest and his brother. Been a while, heh.

—I was gonna see Sunny Day Real Estate in October 2009, but didn't feel like traveling into the city that night, and the local Where's The Band? Tour (Dustin Kensrue/Matt Pryor/Chris Conley) date in January 2010 slipped my knowledge completely.

—I dunno… I will never be an apostle of the redemptive power of live music.

The Record Books: music as literature

Allied People Powered by Loathing Everything

Have you ever sat down and thought about 'One-Way Call' friends? These are the friends you have who you only see when you give them a call. Maybe they do call you once in a while, but the odds are that for every ten or fifteen times you call them, you're lucky if they call you even once, if at all.

How are you supposed to read this sort of person? I have about as many of these as I do fingers, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. Most of them are not people who I have a close connection with, but in at least two cases, they are people that I consider fairly close friends of mine.

What does it say about a friendship when only one of the two ever initiates anything? Is it possible to have a very strong friendship under those circumstances? Can people simply claim that they aren't pro-active as an excuse?

Good questions, though I'm afraid that none of the answers are what I would hope for.


Fantasy NHL Commissioner

On my agenda:

» Begin the regular season on New Year's Day with the Winter Classic, and shorten the season by a month so that the Stanley Cup Finals are played at the end of July. In July, you don't compete against the NBA playoffs for viewers and media exposure. Your only competition is mid-season baseball. Moreover, people patronize cinemas in summertime to escape hot weather. The climate inside a hockey arena? Also cool.

» Contract six teams: Atlanta, Carolina, Florida, Nashville, Phoenix, and Tampa Bay. If the Northeast can live without college football, then the South can live without hockey. In the unlikely event of outrage, schedule a game or two every season in the South, like the NFL does in Toronto and London.

» Move the Columbus Blue Jackets to the Eastern Conference to create an even split.

» Expand the player rosters of the remaining 24 teams and play hockey games like soccer games – two 30-minute halves with one 15-minute intermission and added stoppage time. More players equals more time to rest players at rinkside.

» Play regular-season overtime periods with two pucks. Shoot-outs are lame. Minimize them.

» Advance six teams from each conference to the playoffs. The top two seeds in each conference earn byes in the first round. Upsets are fun, but excellence in the regular season should be rewarded.