Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

8. Gary Payton and the soul of Dr. James Naismith trapped in a music box talk NBA basketball
(The Onion SportsDome, S01E07)

Honourable mention:
» The kinetic opening sequence (The Chicago Code, S01E03)
» Rachel's party (Glee, S02E14)
» Dewey shops for a ski mask (Justified, S02E03)


Nintendo Wii Sexy Party Game

The ocean's awesome and for winners

This is an actual documentary:

Alive! Is Michael Jackson Really Dead?
"Investigative Journalist, Pearl Jr, explores the possibility that Michael Jackson Faked His Death."

And if you re-arrange the letters in "Makaveli," and replace the "K" with an "I," it reads: "I am alive."

Idea: Michael Jackson, 2Pac, Jim Morrison, and Elvis as a covert league of extraordinary gentlemen. They didn't really die; they are just what Gotham needed them to be.


Comeback Kings, starting in March, brings together Bruce Lee, Jim Morrison, Elvis Presley, Andy Kaufman and Tupac Shakur as a super-secret team of super-spies, who faked their own deaths as part of "Project Resurrection."


Idea: An adaptation of Watchmen with Michael Jackson as Ozymandias (Walkmen?). Jackson creates a catastrophic event to "heal the world."

Paul McCartney as The Comedian (Paul is dead)
Janet Jackson as Doctor Manhattan (Nipplegate exile)
Macaulay Culkin as Rorschach

—What happened with the bio-tech job?
—Foot-in-mouth happened.
—With the other job nonsense?
—Yup. I leveraged a potential job into no jobs.

—I could write a book on how to botch an interview.

Don't wear a hoodie.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
Don't say that.

Idea: An Office Space for unemployment – a spiritual prequel.

I sometimes wonder if Peter worked happily ever after in construction.

Idea: A woman who births clones.

I'm still developing this one.

I reason with my cigarette and say, "Your hair's on fire. You must've lost your wits."

—Would you date someone who has a "passion for social media"?
—I've dated people like that. You don't have to talk much because they're always using their phone.

—Social media marketing just seems so insignificant and unrewarding. Like, I could try to cure cancer, or I could tweet about shoes.

—My father suggested that I become a fireman.

Radiohead "A Genre"
"A Confusing Graph"

Peanuts and Cracker Jack

1. The Social Network
2. The King's Speech
3. Inception
4. 127 Hours
5. Black Swan
6. The Fighter
7. Winter's Bone
8. True Grit
9. The Kids Are All Right

—So this is how I would order the "Best Picture" nominees as a National League batting line-up. 127 Hours bats clean-up because I think it is the most powerful, The Kids Are All Right is the pitcher, et cetera. Toy Story 3 would bat seventh as the designated hitter in interleague play, between The Fighter and Winter's Bone.

—And this is how I would field the "Best Picture" nominees in the American League:

—Why is The Social Network at shortstop?
—Because it's "important." That, and, because shortstop is a more substantial position, I think, than second base or center field.
—I'd put The Fighter in right field.
—But that's where you hide a weak Little League player.

The Lost Roles of Bill Murray


The Baseball Project is a band featuring members of R.E.M. that only composes songs about baseball. The band's sophomore album, Volume 2: High and Inside, drops March 1, and includes songs like "Panda and The Freak," "Ichiro Goes to the Moon (feat. Ben Gibbard)," and "Twilight of My Career," which explores the post-Red Sox career of Roger Clemens.

listen: The Baseball Project – "Don't Call Them Twinkies"
feat. lyrics and lead vocals by Craig Finn of The Hold Steady


coming soon

listen: Ron Artest – "Who Are You (feat. Nas and Xin Xin)"

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

7. The Apricot (Justified, S02E02)

Honourable mention:
» Werewolf fight club madness (Being Human [UK], S03E04)
» The Rock comes back (WWE Raw, 2-14-11)
» Justin Bieber shot to death (CSI, S11E15)



Soft City Condescension

Previously on Adam Riff™: Unemployman #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | #5

R: How did your follow-up interview go?
J: Heh. I have a week to convince management that I am truly interested in a job that I am not truly interested in.

Z: How long do you see yourself working here?

L: I expect you to leave at some point, and I will need one month's notice.

Z: How did the transition at [your most relevant previous job] go?
J: It didn't. I never met my replacement.
L: Were you fired? You didn't list that boss as a reference.

J: Because he hired my replacement while I was on vacation and let me go the day I returned.

J: Oh. No, no… I just thought to provide my first boss, a middle boss, and my last boss.
Z: I can't have you leave abruptly.

J: My buddy may offer me a job assisting him full-time on a book and/or documentary film.

R: You told them?!
J: I was being considerate!

J: I will most likely, however, just assist him as needed in my free time.
L: What if re-considers not hiring you? I've been burned once before. If I was you, I would totally leave to work on a documentary.

J: I am truly interested in having a job.

Natalie Portman Cries A Lot

Adam Riff™ Writers' Room

—I found ones for Michigan, Michigan State, Penn State, and Illinois.

—I dunno… A gallery of notices to stop masturbating in Big Ten dorm showers? Aren't they fake? What else do we have?

—The Hunt for the Worst Big Ten Rap Parody of All Time. "White and Purple," "Teach Me How to Bucky," "Party Like a Buckeye," "The Pursuit of Jappiness"…

—The pursuit of what?

—J.A.P.-ness. Jewish Michigan students parody Kid Cudi.

[pause] – the best of the worst


Annyong on last night's episode of Shameless (USA)

Sad Sweetheart of the Rodeo

—Why is Noise Pop screening an old Arcade Fire film?

Miroir Noir takes an intimate behind the scenes look at Arcade Fire through the making of and tour of their album Neon Bible. [source]

—I want to see the new Arcade Fire film!

Scenes from the Suburbs
Director Spike Jonze teams up with Arcade Fire to create a short film inspired by their album The Suburbs. The narrator, living in a suburban dystopia, [tries] to piece together fragmented memories from when he was a teenager, and his experiences with his friends as they grow apart.

—SXSW will host its North American premiere.
—It will also host the world premiere of this documentary short:

100 Bands in 100 Days
Nick Sonderup embarked on a journey to see 100 consecutive days of live music, between January 23rd and May 2nd, 2009…and somehow managed to keep his day job.

—He missed March Madness for live music?
—Well, the 2009 tournament was kinda lame.

Night Fishing (Paranmanjang) Trailer
a short film by Park Chan-wook (Oldboy) shot entirely with an iPhone

With my camera, I started inviting people to go back to their future.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

6. Aimee Mann: Cleaning Lady
(Portlandia, S01E03)

Honourable mention:
» Wayne's World (Saturday Night Live, S36E14)
» Beckman with a rocket launcher (Chuck, S04E14)
» Eating foreskin (Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern, S06E04)
» Barry Word's verbal knock-out (Lights Out, S01E05)
» The Tree of Woe (The Onion SportsDome, S01E05)
» The state championship game (Friday Night Lights, S05E13)
» Woodhouse kills William S. Burroughs' wife (Archer, S02E03)
» Ronnie and Sammi's blow-off fight (Jersey Shore, S03E07)

I watched 24 hours of television this week.


Weezer's State Farm Jingle Is Really, Really Good