Born to run

"Who is the quarterback for the Falcons? I'm blanking."

"He's white. He played for Boston College."

"Matt? Joe?"

"Goddammit! What is his name?"

"I'm not football-retarded! I can name every starting quarterback in the NFC except this misterfalcon!"

"Okay, I can't name the quarterback for the Buccaneers either. Whatever!"

"Matt something…"

It's time once again for… Which one of my football teams will torment me more this season: the Bruins or the Bears?

Last year, I (correctly) picked the Bruins.

This year, I…

[looks at octopus]

"He ate both mussels. What does that mean?"

Hipster Hitler
Joel McHale Shirts
perhaps the most horrific and hilarious climbing experience I have ever witnessed

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

33. The Hard Times of RJ Berger

WTF was that???? He killed his best girl friend with his weiner??? AFTER she got hit by a bus??? Then he VO's, "I just did the right thing." :0 [source]


The ten greatest severed penis scenes in science fiction [NSFW]
What does Justin Bieber's forehead look like?

Gangster Trippin'

I see a web redemption in this band's future.

Pitchfork's staff compiled a list of The Top 50 Music Videos of the 1990s. Notably absent: "Tonight, Tonight" and "Smack My Bitch Up."

Two other videos I would have lobbied for:

God Lives Underwater
"From Your Mouth"
[dir: Roman Coppola; 1998]

Then Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest champion Hirofumi Nakajima ate all that food in a single take six times consecutively.

Nine Inch Nails
"We're in This Together"
[dir: Mark Pellington; 1999]

Better than "Closer," in my opinion. Its chiaroscuro and cinematography are dynamite.

The video is an homage to the 1927 Fritz Lang film Metropolis, using similar sets to that of the film and Trent Reznor sporting the same costume and haircut as the workers in the film. [source]

I did not know that.

In the Taxi Driver-influenced video for David Bowie's "I'm Afraid of Americans", Reznor plays a Travis Bickle character.

I cannot find a Wikipedia page for "music videos inspired by films."

Let's see…

• R.E.M. – "Everybody Hurts" ()
• Def Squad – "Full Cooperation" (48 Hours/Trading Places/The Nutty Professor)
• Lenny Kravitz – "Believe" (2001: A Space Odyssey)
• Blur – "The Universal" (A Clockwork Orange)
• Rob Zombie – "Never Gonna Stop" (A Clockwork Orange)
• Shihad – "Pacifier" (A Clockwork Orange)
• Unklejam – "Stereo" (A Clockwork Orange)
• Smashing Pumpkins – "Tonight, Tonight" (A Trip to the Moon)
• Paula Abdul – "Cold Hearted" (All That Jazz)
• The Cranberries – "Linger" (Alphaville)
• Stereophonics – "The Bartender and the Thief" (Apocalypse Now)
• Keith Murray – "Incredible" (Batman)
• The Pipettes – "Pull Shapes" (Beyond the Valley of the Dolls)
• Berlin – "No More Words" (Bonnie and Clyde)
• Nas – "Street Dreams" (Casino)
• Redman and Method Man – "How High" (Cheech and Chong's Nice Dreams)
• Busta Rhymes – "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Could See" (Coming to America)
• Noreaga – "N.O.R.E." (Con Air/The Fugitive)
• Beastie Boys – "Body Movin'" (Danger: Diabolik)
• Jay-Z – "Hard Knock Life" (Fallen)
• Brian McKnight – "Back at One" (Fearless)
• Taking Back Sunday – "Cute Without the 'E'" (Fight Club)
• Geri Halliwell – "It's Raining Men" (Flashdance/Fame)
• Jennifer Lopez – "I'm Glad" (Flashdance)
• Madonna – "Material Girl" (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes)
• Ashanti – "Foolish" (Goodfellas)
• EPMD – "Symphony 2000" (Halloween/The Texas Chain Saw Massacre/The Shining/Marathon Man/Carrie)
• Donwill – "Laura's Song" (High Fidelity)
• Sixpence None the Richer – "Kiss Me" (Jules and Jim)
• Blur – "To the End" (Last Year at Marienbad)
• Stereophonics – "Hurry Up and Wait" (M*A*S*H)
• 2Pac – "California Love" (Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome)
• Madonna – "Express Yourself" (Metropolis)
• Nine Inch Nails – "We're in This Together" (Metropolis)
• The Killers – "Mr. Brightside" (Moulin Rouge!)
• Busta Rhymes – "I Love My Bitch" (Mr. and Mrs. Smith)
• Fu Manchu – "Evil Eye" (Over the Edge)
• Young Jeezy – "Soul Survivor" (Paid in Full)
• The Whoridas – "Talkin' Bout Bank" (Pulp Fiction)
• Paula Abdul – "Rush, Rush" (Rebel Without a Cause)
• Cool Breeze – "Watch for the Hook" (Reservoir Dogs)
• Quarashi – "Mr. Jinx" (Run Lola Run)
• Company of Thieves – "Oscar Wilde" (Rushmore)
• My Chemical Romance – "The Ghost of You" (Saving Private Ryan)
• Alicia Keys – "Teenage Love Affair" (School Daze)
• David Bowie – "I'm Afraid of Americans" (Taxi Driver)
• Schoolly D – "Another Sign" (Taxi Driver)
• Redman – "Whateva Man" (The Blues Brothers)
• A-Teens – "Dancing Queen" (The Breakfast Club)
• Thrice – "Image of the Invisible" (The City of Lost Children)
• Maroon 5 – "She Will Be Loved" (The Graduate)
• The Fugees – "Fu-Gee-La" (The Harder They Come)
• Stereophonics – "Pick a Part That's New" (The Italian Job)
• The Notorious B.I.G. – "Hypnotize" (The Rock)
• Puff Daddy – "Victory" (The Running Man)
• 30 Seconds to Mars – "The Kill" (The Shining)
• Smif-N-Wessun – "Won Time" (The Shining)
• Prime Minister Peter Nice and Daddy Rich – Rat Bastard (The Untouchables)
• Jay-Z – "The City Is Mine" (The Usual Suspects)
• Armand Van Helden – "Into Your Eyes" (They Live)
• Gang Starr – "You Know My Steez" (THX 1138)
• Lil Scrappy – "No Problem" (Training Day)
• Faith No More – "Last Cup of Sorrow" (Vertigo)
• Jay-Z – "D.O.A." (Zabriskie Point)

sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

OMGWTFall Movie Preview

Essential Killing
Vincent Gallo plays a fugitive Taliban soldier in Europe who "must use his wits to evade his pursuers whilst battling bitter winter cold and lack of food."

The Whistleblower
Rachel Weisz plays a Nebraska cop on the trail of a sex-slave ring in Bosnia.

Marimbas From Hell
Don Alfonso loses his job playing the marimba at a hotel in Guatemala City. He approaches musician Blacko and proposes that they fuse the sound of the marimba with heavy metal.

I'm Still Here
Follow Joaquin Phoenix as he announces his retirement from acting in the fall of 2008 and sets off to reinvent himself as a hip hop artist.

The Genesis Code
A college hockey player and a female journalism student struggle to reconcile modern science with the opening verses of Genesis. Could it be that both are true?

The Genesis Code was co-directed by C. Thomas Howell and the director of Angus.

Graph: Does Michael Cera Really Play the Same Role in Every Movie?
Hungover Owls

I Write Sins Not Tragedies

I like all types of music, except country.

I like all types of films, except ones with subtitles

I like all types of television, except reality.

I like all types of video games, except casual ones.

I like all types of comics, except manga.

I like all types of books, except non-fiction.

I like all types of sports, except soccer.

I like all types of cars, except hybrids.

I like all types of food, except tomatoes and mushrooms and seafood and gluten and…


The fruit of your loins is a killer fruit

TLC's Freaky Eaters premieres on September 5.

Each episode follows someone who is forced to confront the painful truth behind a food obsession and come face to face with its destructive side effects.

The only two episodes announced so far are "Addicted to Cheeseburgers" and "Addicted to Sugar."

I hope the cheeseburger addict isn't like Don Gorske. I expect no less than a sideshow attraction from TLC. I want to see a sugar addict who craves pure sugar, whose desk looks like Tony Montana's at the end of Scarface and…I dunno… Simple syrup enemas!

Idea: Man vs. Freaky Eater.

Pricing the celebrity swag at Wizard World:

Larry "The Soup Nazi" Thomas: $20 for an autographed ladle.
The sad thing was that people were actually buying these. Somehow, Thomas has managed to turn saying "No soup for you" into a career.

related: Jersey Shore's The Situation will make $5 million this year

One Wizard World attendee cosplayed as the Old Spice Guy.

Inside the secret world of Trader Joe's
Those pita chips? Made by Stacy's.

Teenagers fornicating in a Liverpool basement

In the clean version of song of the now "Fuck You," Cee-Lo sings "forget you."

It doesn't sound too it-started, but his sentiment definitely loses punch.

Electric Six sang "he's the Xbox to your Atari" in 2008.

Same song: "He's not sorry you're the station wagon to his Ferrari."

Nowadays, popular music is dominated by pop and urban artists, and my theory why is a variation on white flight. Many fans of rock music migrated from "large cities and downtown areas" to "outlying suburbs and subdivisions."

Arcade Fire debuting at number one is gentrification.

Music video of the now:


Bagatelle No. 25 in A minor

Friday evening.

I'm hungry. What time is it? 6:00. I can still catch happy hour at Chotchkie's. Fill up before my night of work ahead.

The parking lot is packed. I hope the bar isn't too.

Oh good.

I seated myself in an open chair between two men and a man and a woman.

"Jon Yu!"

I looked to my left.

"It's Lissa. From high school."
"Oh. Hey."
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm just…eating dinner."


I instinctively retreated inward.

"Well, enjoy."

She resumed chatting with a male associate.

I want. to die.

I ate as fast as I could and avoided looking in her direction the rest of the time.

She works in the video game industry?

Before I departed, I bid Lissa goodbye. She didn't notice, and mortified, I fled.

—she was probably just absorbed in conversation with her associate
—but two years ago at your pulitzer party, i bid mike and nathalie goodbye and they similarly ignored me

—i think you create alternate social realities in your head and poison yourself with them

—i'm sure the encounter was awkward for her too
—yes, but she had an associate with her
—i had an alkaline trio shirt and shorts on

—there you go again

—didn't you cast and direct her in a play?

Dead Rising 2 With Another Strong Showing In The Best-Screenshots Sweepstakes
The Worst Food Network Recipe Of All Time

I'm a man, and you're janitorial equipment

Join 311 as they cruise from Miami to Turks and Caicos with a ship full of passionate 311 fans! [source]

Where does a cruise rank among gigs for faded musical artists?

I say: American Idol > a cruise > an Indian casino > a corporate event > a state or county fair.

What am I missing?

Theme Cruise Finder [-_-] also lists cruises with: Rick Springfield, New Kids on the Block, Barenaked Ladies, Indigo Girls, Sister Hazel, Backstreet Boys, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Vince Neil, Paul Oakenfold(?), and Kid Rock.

It's killing me that I'll never know the punchline of this guy's shirt.

Then Chevys are wiping?

Body Counts For The Expendables Cast
I'm Voting Tea Party t-shirts
Snazzy Napper


"I bet she's wild in bed."
"Who's wild?"
"Susie. That Next Food Network Star judge."
"Oh! Corporate Lisa Bonet!"

"More disturbing sex tape: Susie and Bob Tuschman or Susie and Bobby Flay?"
"Oof. Tough call."
"This should be an episode of Throwdown."
"Food Network after nighttime…"

"I don't think I've ever seen an Indian person in a pornographic film."
"This Ain't Aarti Party XXX."
"Cupcake Whores."
"The Great Dude Fuck Race."
"Down Low with the Neelys."
"Two Fat Ladies, One Cup."


Derrick Rose likes to eat Skittles, so earlier this month, Wrigley delivered a Skittles vending machine to his house and promised to keep it stocked for at least three years.

The machine holds every variety of Skittles and tempts him, in his own voice, whenever he walks by the machine.

I picture a stoned Joakim Noah visiting Rose's house and walking by the machine.

"Whoooooa! What does it mean?!"

We'll drown 'til we're exhausted, it's what nobody expects

Previously on Adam Riff™:

000-012-3456? Oh. Skype. –

Tony Fader called me last night.

"Are you going to relinquish the domain name?"

"Why do you own the domain name?"
"Well, I know a Tony Fader. He was…heh…my hero in 2002 and…"
"Is this Tony Fader 'Anthony Fader, computer science PhD'?"
"I corresponded with him 15 years ago."


15 years ago, Tony was 10. I didn't register the domain name until last summer. You had 14 years to register it.

"My men will pry the domain name from you. Your address is [redacted]?"
"I asked politely, but you want to be combative."

Um, you're the one who's trying to poach my domain name. I'm just reacting to you.

He said something about how I said…

I checked Adam Riff™.

No, I didn't libel him in that post. Maybe he's displeased with the content on Maybe I should pull Steven's blog off. But that would suggest that he's affecting me, and this joker cannot win. needs its true hero.

I wonder why he doesn't just register an alternate domain name. is available, as is My name is way more common than his, and I manage to get by on the Internet.

—generally speaking if you can demonstrate a legitimate use and prior long-term ownership then he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
—just be aware that he can file any lawsuit he wants and try to tie this up in court. doesn't mean he'll get far, but he can try if he wants.
—Domain Name Dispute Attorney
If you have a dispute involving a domain name, you should contact an experienced domain name dispute attorney immediately. Because domain names can be very valuable assets, you should not be penny wise and pound foolish when it comes to protecting a domain name.

—i'm not hiring an attorney over this
—i'll make some phone calls. you might not have to.

—if he wants to buy it from you, he's welcome to. of course, since you got it from another tony fader, that tony fader will need to negotiate the fee
—meaning "let's let new tony try to negotiate with our tony."

—i would actually consider selling just to see two tony faders negotiate the value of their name

—don't worry about it at all. you've got the other tony fader involved, and you've got someone using it.
—worst case scenario, your new magazine is called tony fader.

—tony fader: the magazine
—tony fader™!

Geek Mind: How well do you know your video games?
Where to Get the Best Free Education Online
Gary Busey's Scary New Vitaminwater Ad

Pootin' on Neptr to the max

Did you know that China [source]

The second Tomb Raider film was banned for depicting China as having "secret societies." [source]

Sometimes controversial footage must be cut before films can play in Chinese cinemas. Examples include the deletion of scenes showing hanging laundry in Shanghai during Mission: Impossible III, the removal of a reference to the Cold War in Casino Royale, and the omission of footage containing Chow Yun-Fat that "vilifies and humiliates the Chinese" in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. [source]

Idea: The Comedy Central Roast of China.

How Black People Use Twitter
McDonald's plants sleeping people underneath subway posters advertising free coffee
edible ice gun art exhibit