Size of Your Life

"Hi. The card reader won't let me pass because I 'just used' my MetroCard. How long must I wait before I can use it again?"
"18 minutes."
"18 minutes?"

I had entered one side of the Avenue J station before realizing that I could only board outbound trains on that side.

How do I cross…? There is no bridge?

I couldn't wait 18 minutes – I had promised my friend-since-high-school Javy that I would return his spare set of keys by 1:45 – so I purchased a SingleRide ticket on top of my Unlimited Ride card.

What's another $2.25?

"Jon, we've decided to let you go."

When I returned to Javy's apartment, he brusquely (and unexpectedly) informed me that he no longer cared to be my friend.

"I'm done with you."

"Did you congratulate me on my film?"
"Well, I didn't hear you."

"Did you attend the after-party?
"Why not?"
"Because I didn't want to embarrass you or kill your buzz."
"You spent the past week openly disparaging my clothes and my shoes and my drinking habits and my…deodorant – I was being considerate."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have to refuel in Salt Lake City because we wasted an hour changing runways four times at JFK."


At the airport, I discovered that I had forgotten my laptop's power adapter at Javy's apartment.

Maybe he'll send it to me?

Oof. $79.00 for a replacement.

"I know your family's well-off, so you'll be okay."


"I just… We plan to hire more people and I don't want your negativity bringing them down. You're like House, the television doctor."

"You've never said anything good about my writing!"

But I've always helped you with editing when you've asked. I've always woken you up with a phone call when you've asked. I've always updated your web site soon after you've asked. I spent my first day in New York City designing and printing postcards for your film because you asked…

I suspect Javy disowned me for not being an overtly affectionate person.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we need to take-off within 20 minutes or else we'll be grounded in Salt Lake City until tomorrow."

Guh. I have to work in 12 hours!

When I arrived at the office, I discovered that my boss had changed the locks on the doors. An unfamiliar girl eventually let me in.

I entered my office.

Why are the boxes now labeled? Inventory forms?

Oh shit. I'm totally getting fired today.

I thought he was just interviewing for a receptionist before I left…

"How was your trip?"

7 thoughts on "Size of Your Life"

  1. For future reference, if you tell the attendant that you swiped the wrong gate and you need to be on the other side, they'll buzz you in. D and I did the same thing twice. Twice! No need to spend extra cash.

  2. bummer, did you clothesline him?
    perhaps a change of cities is in order

    vancouver perhaps?

  3. Isn't this the boss whose viagra you saw? Or something along those lines?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.