How to get to purest hell

"Have you touched one?" she said after being asked why she showed up at 7:30 a.m. at the Apple store. "It's going to change everything about how you live." [source]

Friday. 1:00 PM.

My boss stops me as I'm headed to the post office because Aussies annoyingly avoid FedEx.

"Jon, are you free tomorrow morning? The iPad goes on sale tomorrow and I want to distribute swag to people queued outside the Apple Store at [redacted] – t-shirts, flyers…"

What I wanted to say: No.
What I said: Uh… Let me check my plans.
What I meant: I need more time to craft an answer.


While driving to the post office, I meditated.

"If I say 'no,' it'll just reinforce his belief that I'm not a go-getter and ensure that I never receive a raise."

"But I was desperately looking forward to sleeping in!"

"He couldn't have notified me earlier?"

"Owen agreed to help on similar short notice, though."

"Owen fuckin' volunteered. I can't ask to be paid!"

"I need a plausible excuse for a Saturday morning."

"My friend invited me to temple. No…"


Friday. 4:00 PM.

"So are you free tomorrow morning?"
"I'm sorry, I can't. I—"
"Okay."

No questions asked.


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