The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2009

Previously on Adam Riff™: The 10 Most Memorable Sex Scenes of 2009

And now, the violence.

Viewer discretion is advised.

10. Clay vs. Jax
» Sons of Anarchy

Ron Perlman and Charlie Hunnam did not use stunt doubles.

9. Gerard Butler vs. Michael C. Hall's henchmen (feat. dancing and lip-synching to Sammy Davis Jr.)
» Gamer

"There are a lot of people who try for 'artful' that couldn't pull of the chiaroscuro of [this] scene, which puts more or less everyone who's ever cited Jacques Tourneur as an influence to shame."

8. Young Snake Eyes vs. Young Storm Shadow
» G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

You don't see many choreographed fights between pre-teens.

7. Sayid vs. Safehouse Intruders
» Lost

The art of backstabbing.

6. Chev Chelios vs. Johnny Vang (Godzilla Dream Sequence)
» Crank 2: High Voltage

Pure homagination.

5. Beyoncé vs. Ali Larter
» Obsessed

What could have been: LL Cool J was originally cast as the man they're fighting over.

4. "Straight Dave" vs. Lutz (Straight Dave's Man Slammin' Maxout)
» Brüno

Sacha Baron Cohen wanted to use "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" but Elton John refused to license it.

3. Three Suspension Bridges
» Raging Phoenix

Indiana Jones and the Cirque du Soleil.

2. Three-on-Three Basketbrawl
» Fireball


Stick around for the basketball rim fatality.

1. Christine vs. The Gypsy
» Drag Me to Hell

The Top 5 Fight Scenes of 2008
The Top 10 Staged Fights of 2007


A schizophrenic who believes [he is] the reincarnation of Jesus Christ seeks vengeance against those who he believes are reincarnations of people who wronged him in the past.

The appearance of one of his victim's girlfriends during a moment of murderous rage prompts the vengeful would-be savior to begin targeting the women of his enemies as well. [source]


Class of 2008

Our favourite songs. One per year.

Side A
(curated by Jon)

9. T.I. – "Whatever You Like"

The genius of "Whatever You Like" is that it is a parody of itself. Whether T.I. is in on the joke or the joke is on him, however, is unclear.

For a conciliatory love song, the lyrics are hyper unromantic —

I want your body / Need your body

Brain so good coulda swore you went to college

The thang get so wet / It hit so right
Let me put this big boy in your life

— but he sings them earnestly.

Similarly, the video blends sweet moments between him and his girl with tacky conceptions of romantic gestures, like

paying for a diamond necklace by emptying a bag full of cash on a jeweler's desk

and surprising an inamorata with a Bentley wrapped with a giant bow.

T.I. is either Andy Kaufman or Truman Burbank.

Side B
(curated by DJ Ben)

9. MGMT – "Time to Pretend"

Even though it came out in 2006, it was officially released in 2008. Whatever.

No album has grown on me like Oracular Spectacular, which culminated in seeing MGMT at Bonnaroo in 2009 and my mind being blown. "Time to Pretend" is a nearly perfect pop song, and I can't wait for their next album.

Jon: I'm partial to "Kids."

Side A
1. Radiohead – "The National Anthem"
2. Finch – "What It Is to Burn (Demo)"
3. Spoon – "Stay Don't Go"
4. The Mars Volta – "Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt"
5. Ratatat – "Seventeen Years"
6. The Mountain Goats – "This Year"
7. DragonForce – "Through the Fire and Flames"
8. Frank Turner – "The Real Damage"
9. T.I. – "Whatever You Like"
10. 2009

Side B
1. Outkast – "B.O.B."
2. Gob – "I Hear You Calling"
3. Justin Timberlake – "Cry Me a River"
4. The White Stripes – "Seven Nation Army"
5. Franz Ferdinand – "Take Me Out"
6. R. Kelly – "Trapped in the Closet"
7. TV on the Radio – "Wolf Like Me"
8. UGK feat. Outkast – "Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You)"
9. MGMT – "Time to Pretend"
10. 2009

Our songs of the year will be revealed next week, along with our annual mixtape.


The Airing of Grievances

I believe the singer from Death Cab for Cutie is out of lyrics.

"Meet me at the equinox, meet me halfway. Where the sun is at it's highest peak in the middle of the day."

Really, Death Cab guy? You're just writing songs about 6th grade science now? I've got a couple of song ideas for you.

"I'd like to run a light year, I'd like to go that way. It's the distance light travels over 365 earth days."

"Talk about the freezing point, talk it up all night. When water's temperature drops to 32 degrees Fahrenheit."

"I want to find the average, I want to find the root. I'll add up the sum total and divide it by the number of the groups."

There. I just made you a million dollar EP. And hang on – here's a B-side for the single.

"The endocrine system… it's where the sooooul meeets bodyyyyyyy!" [source]

Setting Fire to Sleeping Giants

The day after I book half a week in Park City, my boss informs me that he wants to buy out my TWO WEEKS worth of unused vacation time.


Jord's film Successful Alcoholics will premiere at Sundance as part of Shorts Program II.

Hey! It's Buster Bluth!

This Week in Unnecessary Censorship Best of the Decade
The DragonBall 2009 MOVIE it suck so bad what i have to say

Half Dead and Dynamite

All the way back to THE 90s!!!

AR: What can I look forward to hearing on Sunday? Material Issue? Forest for the Trees?

RS: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Green Day and Nirvana.

AR: Ah. Fixtures of The End's regular rotation – resurrecting the living.


AR: Well, what Nirvana songs can I look forward to hearing? "Sliver"? "Aneurysm"?

RS: "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

While driving around the city with Ben last week:

"Tune it to Live 105."
"I hear it's a quality radio station."
"It used to be."

I was gonna clean my room until I got high…

The Grammy nominees for "Album of the Year":
» I Am… Sasha Fierce – Beyoncé
» The E.N.D. – The Black Eyed Peas
» The Fame – Lady Gaga
» Big Whiskey and the Groogrux King – Dave Matthews Band
» Fearless – Taylor Swift

The films corresponding to said "Album of the Year" nominees
(2009 album sales ranking vs. box office gross ranking):
» Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
» Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
» Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
» Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
» Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Gucci Mane – Top Chef (feat. Akon)

Ain't no rest for the wicked


"We are the only broadcaster without yellow time-out dashes!"

"I told you! They don't fit our scorebar design!"

"Just tack them on like CBS did! All that matters is that we have yellow dashes too!"

"[sigh] Okay…"

"Also: I don't think down and distance are evident enough to viewers. Can you figure out a third way to display that information on screen?"

WWE seemingly re-modeled John Cena after Tim Tebow. Cena's latest merchandise is coloured Florida orange and blue, and last Monday on Raw, he cut a "Tebow promise" promo, apologizing to his fans for letting them down and vowing not to lose another match until he is WWE champion again.

To promote WrestleMania 26, Cena will toss the coin at the Fiesta Bowl.

The Pac-10 could conceivably field only one team in next year's March Madness tournament, and that one team could conceivably be a 5 seed or lower.

Pow-er confrence!

I finally had time to play New Super Mario Bros. Wii.


Mario Sunshine thinks NSMB Wii is difficult.

I've already wasted 22 lives trying to get a stupid star coin in World 2-1.

WORLD 2-1!!!!!

At Chipotle, the woman in front of me ordered a bowl with the following strata:

sour cream
sour cream

She looked like Sheila Broflovski.


"Cuties everywhere."
"The produce buyer must have overestimated the appeal of clementines."
"Wayyy overestimated."

The Oldest TV Police Trick in the Book: Enhance!
I prefer the sharp-eyed detective. "Stop! Rewind! There!"

"Oh Snap! Guess What I Saw?"
Biz Markie has been riding "Just a Friend" for over 20 years now.

Star Wars Weather Forecast
It's like Endor out here.

How To Feed A White Man
"You cannot feed a white man sweet potatoes and expect him to act normal."

Brainless Baby Doesn't Care

Mega Man 10

Anthropomorphic mouse cursor enemy is some Luvdisc shit. I'm guessing it drags and drops Mega, like a Wallmaster.

The tenth set of robot masters includes Commando Man, Sheep Man and…Sports Man?

Capcom should re-acquire Marvel's video game license and create Marvel vs. Mega Man.

It could be a fighting game (armoured Marvel characters vs. Mega Man and robot masters) or a platformer (Marvel comics inspire Dr. Wily to build an evil Spider Man robot, an Iron Man robot, et al).

Watch ALL of it.
Sad Face Silly Hat featuring and Wyclef Jean

4th Grade Dropout

"I just need to drop off a package, and the adjacent handicapped spot is open."
"What if two handicapped drivers show up though?"
"Put on your sunglasses and act oblivious to your missing placard."
"I highly doubt two handicapped drivers will show up within a minute."

At Costco today, I saw a man buy a slice of pepperoni pizza and then waste 20+ napkins blotting grease off it.

If grease bothers you that much, I thought, let the pizza congeal, or don't buy pizza to begin with!

I'm surprised that no one has yet invented a uselessly functional sponge for pizza grease.

Idea: Absorbent, synthetic disks that you scatter on pizzas before baking and remove before eating – smoppings.

"What did your secret Santa gift you?"

"It's like a Munny for the Wii set."

"I can't recall any other party game adaptations of toys…"

Operation Munny (via Custom Toys)

Pecan Pie Pancakes at IHOP
15 Ludicrous Straight-to-DVD Sequels That Actually Exist

Sugar Coated Sour

"This is just like Grand Theft Auto!"

Five years after he cold called me via AIM, I finally met DJ Ben in person.

We played jewrist a bit, trekking out to the Academy of Sciences to marvel at its exterior (see also: riding the Disneyland parking lot tram to Downtown Disney and back).

No one ever cold calls me anymore.


I understand you wrote two endings to throw people off. What was the other ending?

PHILLIPS: While Dexter was packing to leave, he saw on the television that a child murderer had just escaped from prison. Either escaped or fallen thru the cracks. So he's thinking, "Do I join Rita on vacation or do I…" and then he looks towards the camera and he has this big decision. [source]

Oy vey.

The actual ending wasn't much better. 24 already did it!


10. Said kills Adebisi
Oz / S04E08 / 08-30-00
Adebisi was Oz's Tim Riggins, its Omar Little, and he died halfway through the show's run because Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje wanted to be in The Mummy Returns.

Six years later, Mr. Eko died halfway through Lost's run because Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje did not enjoy living in Hawaii.

9. Happy Holidays! Larry and the Blacks
Curb Your Enthusiasm / SE06E10 / 11-11-07

8. Four Cylons revealed, Starbuck returns
Battlestar Galactica / S03E20 / 03-25-07

7. Jack's flashback is a flash forward
Lost / S03E23 / 05-23-07
or: How Lost got its groove back.

6. Abrupt cut to black
The Sopranos / S06E21 / 06-10-07

5. Deco "kills" Michael
Brotherhood / S01E11 / 09-24-06
Showtime renewed Brotherhood before this aired, and I wondered how the heck the show's writers would retcon the apparent death of its co-main character, because…brotherhood!

He sure looked dead.

4. The Carver preys on Christian, not Sean
Nip/Tuck / S02E16 / 10-05-04

3. Shane kills Lem
The Shield / S05E11 / 03-21-06
Would be number one if The Shield was more culturally relevant.

2. Jim kisses Pam
The Office / S02E22 / 05-11-06
In retrospect, I kinda wish Jim never kissed Pam, but I squeed when he did.

1. Jack finds his wife dead
24 / S01E24 / 05-21-02
"I just kept thinking, 'This is the best television show I have ever seen.'"

D Generation X Snugglez Blanket
This post was tagged with the following: dwarfs, chocolate, TLC